Pharyngula

Happy Monkey!

Perhaps you have been pondering the meaning of the new traditional greeting, Happy Monkey! (important usage note: it is not Merry Monkey, nor is it Happy Monkey Day. It is simply “Happy Monkey”, full stop. Trying to change the phrase means you are waging war on the Monkey, and you know how they will respond.) I haven’t. I’ve been bogged down in the end-of-semester grind for the last week, writing tests, giving tests, grading tests, and there has been little room in my brain for deep philosophical thought.

But then, just a few minutes ago, I reached an end. The exams and papers were all marked and graded, and I filled out the forms and submitted them to the registrar. And I had an epiphany. Happy Monkey is not a day, not a greeting card, not just a phrase. Happy Monkey doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Happy Monkey…perhaps…means a little bit more. And what happened then…? Well, my small Monkey grew three sizes that day!

Happy Monkey is any moment that you feel the burdens lifted, that you feel a lightening of the mood, that you feel puckish and prankish and like kicking your heels. Happy Monkey can strike any time, any day!

So Happy Monkey, everyone! And may you have many Happy Monkeys in days to come!

Comments

  1. #1 RickrOll
    December 18, 2008

    “Well, my small Monkey grew three sizes that day!”

    I may be repaeting myself here but:
    EEEEEwww :P

  2. #2 Blake Stacey
    December 18, 2008

    Well, my small Monkey grew three sizes that day!

    If this condition persists for more than four hours, consult your physician immediately.

  3. #3 Glen Davidson
    December 18, 2008

    Sounds, uh, evolutionistic.

    Darwinism is taking over our rhetoric! All others are Expelled! by Darwinian elitists.

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/6mb592

  4. #4 C Barr
    December 18, 2008

    My monkey will never be happy until those with pet chickens get the cultural respect they deserve.

    http://my.earthlink.net/article/int?guid=20081218/4949d8d0_3ca6_1552620081218-771608040

  5. #5 Berlzebub
    December 18, 2008

    Well, my small Monkey grew three sizes that day!

    The images that may invoke should send the more pious fundamentalists off to the closet to pray over their “impure” thoughts.

    Either that or they’ll complain to you while secretly thinking about what it may mean if they were honest with themselves.

  6. #6 Sastra
    December 18, 2008

    Damn straight. It’s “Happy Monkey” — none of this multicultural diversity pc nonsense of “Merry Menagerie.” Our species was built on ape. Not squid. Not duck. Not frog.

    I’m not afraid to say “Happy Monkey.”

  7. #7 Sclerophanax
    December 18, 2008

    So, is Happy Monkey the polar opposite of sad panda?

  8. #8 remy.j
    December 18, 2008

    HAPPY MUNKEY!
    (oh noes – i have perverted the true sense of the SPIRIT of HM!)
    – groan up late making barbados rum punch for office party – should be messy! –
    Thanks PZ for all your hard blogging the past year(s?) May your monkey experience infinite happiness..

  9. #9 fmitchell
    December 18, 2008

    Don’t high-hat the monkey!

  10. #10 Epikt
    December 18, 2008

    [cue unctuous fifties crooner voice]

    “I’ll…. be home…. for Monkey….”

  11. #11 PopeCoyote
    December 18, 2008

    PZ – as another educator who’s grades are all in “the system”, Happy Monkey to you too! :)

  12. #12 broxster
    December 18, 2008

    how very apt.

    at work another group had claimed something contradictory to my team’s data and we were feeling heat for it. not only did we corroborate our results today, but the other group has reduced their claim so that their data agrees with ours.

    we were right and a huge burden is lifted!!! happy monkey!

  13. #13 WRMartin, I.S.
    December 18, 2008

    Apologies for my blasphemy earlier. I have been duly chastised and will only use the correct and proper Happy Monkey from now on. Please forgive me.

    Happy Monkey to all and to all a good night.

    On a very wobbly tanget has anyone else gotten the link to God is for suckers to open? I am beginning to wonder if I have fallen hook, line, and sinker for God’s awsome nothingness by some HTML-fu that creates a page that doesn’t load. Should I laugh an uncomfortable laugh and hide my head in shame or should I continue to wait? I am going to go with my gut and continue to wait. Just in case.

    That Pascal Wager feller had a good point.

  14. #14 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    Myers, your reputation does proceed you. You certainly are another example of why our kids are in such poor shape after leaving one of these lower levels of education. Keep up the poor work. Do they really pay you?!

  15. #15 Brownian, OM
    December 18, 2008

    After a brief dip into the pool of moronity that is the collection of comments by Fly in the Ointment (they do love to give themselves self-important handles, don’t they?), my heart swelled to see a post titled ‘Happy Monkey’.

    Happy Monkey, one and all!

  16. #16 WRMartin, I.S.
    December 18, 2008

    Robert @14:
    Did those words just fall out of your computer in that order or are you drunk? I wouldn’t want to imply that you are a US citizen or that you aren’t taking a vacation day today but on the East coast it’s barely 4:30pm – that’s a little early to be drunk-posting online.

  17. #17 Nerd of Redhead
    December 18, 2008

    Yes, Happy Monkey. Tomorrow I start vacation through the end of the year.

  18. #18 dead yeti
    December 18, 2008

    Everyone at work got a happy monkey after i read the phrase in you blog on your recieved emails, they all think i’m mental now, was think of making up some cards for tomorrow, give one to everyone who gives me an Xmas card

  19. #19 Gobear
    December 18, 2008

    A pity it’s not Tuesday today, or this would be Happy Monkey Tuesday! (I miss Penn’s radio show.)

    The common thread of those missives is fear; fear of knowledge, fear of heterodoxy, fear of the unfamiliar. I can’t imagine how those people can live such frightened lives.

  20. #20 RickrOll
    December 18, 2008

    “my heart swelled to see a post titled ‘Happy Monkey’.”

    geez, more tongue in cheek inuendo
    /sarcasm

    Or is it? Traditionally speaking, the “heart” is a sex symbol.

  21. #21 bo
    December 18, 2008

    i hereby declare happy monkey to be a secular holiday, darwin unto you all.

    and yes, also sad panda. :D

    off to cut down a banana tree! happy monkey!

  22. #22 Skwee
    December 18, 2008

    Asking the FSM for a snowstorm to speed the coming of Happy Monkey…

  23. #23 Scott
    December 18, 2008
  24. #24 phreack
    December 18, 2008

    after a quick whois, it turns out that oktosaymonkeytome.com is available. I don’t currently have the scratch to register it and put up a site on it, but if someone could figure out who oktosaychristmastome.com (see a previous entry that I’m too lazy to search for) uses to print their buttons and sets up a similar site, I’d be proud to be one of your first customers

    *hint* *hint*

  25. #25 Brownian, OM
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey, Robert!

  26. #26 CaptainKendrick
    December 18, 2008

    And I will hang my monkey with care….

  27. #27 speedwell
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey, everyone! Let’s all sing Happy Monkey carols:

    “Oooo oo ooo Eee Eeee AAAA AAAA AAAA AAAAA!!!”

  28. #28 Screechy Monkey
    December 18, 2008

    Uh… I don’t have to change my name, do I?

  29. #29 tub
    December 18, 2008

    And a happy monkey to you too!

  30. #30 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    WRMartin are you judging me? How intolerant of you. I do hope you all have a Christ filled Christmas.

  31. #31 Vic
    December 18, 2008

    I, for one, like this Happy Monkey and will be fully participating from here on out!

  32. #32 Ben
    December 18, 2008

    Perhaps Kirk Cameron will have to rethink that whole banana thing.

  33. #33 Ghost of Minnesota
    December 18, 2008

    I’m imagining Christmas songs with “Happy Monkey” replacing “Merry Christmas.” The results are amusing. Especially, “Have yourself a Happy little Monkey…”

  34. #34 Benjamin Geiger
    December 18, 2008

    bo @ 21:

    Wait… wouldn’t cutting down a banana tree make Monkey sad?

  35. #35 PZ Myers
    December 18, 2008

    But, Robert, I got my work done promptly and ahead of schedule!

    I think your monkey is very very tiny. And very sad.

  36. #36 Brownian, OM
    December 18, 2008

    WRMartin are you judging me? How intolerant of you. I do hope you all have a Christ filled Christmas.

    Robert, it ceased being cute when right wingers criticised liberals of being ‘intolerant’ sometime around 1992. Pull your head out of your ass and look at a calendar, you shithead.

    I do hope you have a polyp-filled colon, douchebag.

    Now how’s that for intolerance, fuckface?

  37. #37 NewEnglandBob
    December 18, 2008

    Now PZ understands Curious George.

    Happy Monkey!

  38. #38 God Retardent
    December 18, 2008
  39. #39 tub
    December 18, 2008

    I will think of you when I eat my bananas, Robert

  40. #40 HappyMonkey
    December 18, 2008

    Waitaminit….thats an ancient hymn celebrating lord Hanuman :) http://tinyurl.com/3xc7kn

  41. #41 Chris
    December 18, 2008

    Is this related to Dr. Isis’ Naughty Monkeys?

  42. #42 Matt Heath
    December 18, 2008

    WRMartin are you judging me? How intolerant of you.

    I’m pretty sure what WRMartin gave you was neither judgement nor intolerance. It was well deserved abuse.

  43. #43 RickrOll
    December 18, 2008

    “Happy Monkey” – Not to be confused with “Spank the Monkey”

    What if said monkey likes being spanked, hmmm?

  44. #44 dinkum
    December 18, 2008

    I think Brownian has an Irritated Monkey.

    Quick, apply a salve before it becomes Inflamed, because then you’d need steroids.

  45. #45 Vic
    December 18, 2008

    I do hope you all have a Christ filled Christmas.

    He does make for a creamy filling. Yum!

  46. #46 Matt Heath
    December 18, 2008

    O and Happy Monkey to all (even Robert)

  47. #47 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    WRMartin needs to go f@ck off–today.

  48. #48 Sigmund
    December 18, 2008

    This monkey’s gone to heaven. However, the nature of Monkey was irrepressible!

  49. #49 Natalie
    December 18, 2008

    Happy monkey! It’s almost the holidays!

  50. #50 Brownian, OM
    December 18, 2008

    Dinkum, are you offering to touch my monkey?

    I pulled a back muscle so I’m all cranky, and dipshits like Bobby Babbles here isn’t doing much for my mood.

  51. #51 bo
    December 18, 2008

    dearest robert,

    bananas be upon you, i am sure PZ will eventually turn the other (red baboon butt) cheek.

  52. #52 Wowbagger
    December 18, 2008

    Maybe we can train a happy monkey to pull the stick out of Robert’s ass – and, simultaneously, the ooga-booga out of his woo-addled brain.

  53. #53 damnedyankee
    December 18, 2008

    HAPPY APE! Yes, APE! Long live the Apist heresy!

    (starts leading his fellow Apist dissenters in a rousing rendition of “Rock Me, Dr. Zaius”.)

  54. #54 dinkum
    December 18, 2008

    Dinkum, are you offering to touch my monkey?

    No, you shameless creature, it was a simple recommendation for self-treatment.

    And upon further contemplation, might I also recommend against anything with menthol…

  55. #55 WRMartin, I.S.
    December 18, 2008

    Yikes, I seem to have ruffled Robert’s fur.
    No, Robert, I’m not judging you – simply asking an honest question. I apologize for implying you were drunk.

    And may the great monkey spirit be tolerant with you and yours during this Happy Monkey.

  56. #56 Vorvadoss
    December 18, 2008

    I absolutely love this. Keep doing it.

  57. #57 Bill Dauphin
    December 18, 2008

    “Happy Monkey” – Not to be confused with “Spank the Monkey”

    What if said monkey likes being spanked, hmmm?

    Beat (!) me to it: I was going to say “A spanked monkey is a happy monkey!”

    are you offering to touch my monkey?

    Now’s ze time at Pharyngula ven ve dance!

  58. #58 Reginald Selkirk
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey!
    String the banana tree with jars of peanut butter.

  59. #59 SiMPel MYnd
    December 18, 2008

    Five great monkey songs (in no particular order):

    “Shock the Monkey” – Peter Gabriel
    “Hey, Hey, We’re the Monkees” – The Monkees
    “Monkey Wash Donkey Rinse” – Warren Zevon
    “Monkey & the Engineer” – The Grateful Dead
    “Monkeyman” – The Rolling Stones

    Happy Monkey to all and to all a good night…

  60. #60 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    Robert, I appears you have a sad monkey.

  61. #61 bo
    December 18, 2008

    bah! yankee, you are a damned monkey heathen. may the great monkey in the sky strike you down, in a humorous banana peel, mario kart sort of way.

  62. #62 SASnSA
    December 18, 2008

    Beware, those fundies don’t like monkeys in general, even less a happy one. Just hope they don’t try and spank yours.

  63. #63 Wowbagger
    December 18, 2008

    ‘We will no longer spank the monkey – the monkey will spank us!’

    Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

  64. #64 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    I appears?

    it appears.

  65. #65 Philip P.
    December 18, 2008

    TWO posts and over 360 comments and no one does the proper, seasonal thing?

    *sigh*

    It’s all up to you, Phil. Don’t blow it.

    *Ahem*

    “Happy Monkey, movie house! Happy Monkey, emporium! Happy Monkey, savings and loan!”

    There, balance is maintained. Not a Hannah and Her Sisters reference, but still cinematic.

  66. #66 damnedyankee
    December 18, 2008

    Bah back atcha, bo-nobo! May the Great Ape fling his mighty poo down at you from His Heavenly Branch!

  67. #67 IAmMarauder
    December 18, 2008

    Damn Sigmund beat me to it… However I think more of the quote is needed:

    “In the worlds before Monkey, primal chaos reigned. Heaven sought order. But the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time and … the moisture of the Earth, the powers of the Sun and the Moon all worked upon a certain rock, old as creation. And it became … fertile. That first egg was named “Thought”. Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha, said, “With our thoughts, we make the World”. Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it then came a … monkey. The nature of Monkey was irrepressible!”

    Some of the more religious sounding parts removed (replaced with elipses). I think this actually works well – Not only is Mokey irrepressible, s/he is birthed from Thought :)

    P.S: The rock becoming fertile is partially figurative – one may be able to link it to abiogensis somehow :)

  68. #68 CalGeorge
    December 18, 2008
  69. #69 Boomer
    December 18, 2008

    SiMPel MYnd @#59

    How could you forget “Tweeter and the Monkey Man” by the Traveling Wilburys?

  70. #70 woody
    December 18, 2008

    So, is Happy Monkey the polar opposite of sad panda?

    Barely

  71. #71 Anders
    December 18, 2008

    Sweet happy monkey to ya all..

  72. #72 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    Seems as though one of the lost (may be a monkey but not sure) has used my name without permission. I would never use that kind of language myself. I will not let it bring me down though. This is way to much fun playing with you critters.

  73. #73 Michael X
    December 18, 2008

    May you all have a barrel full this Holiday season.

    And Happy Monkey Robert!

  74. #74 flaggle
    December 18, 2008

    This is the best Happy Monkey ever! *sniff* I love you guys!

  75. #75 WRMartin, I.S.
    December 18, 2008

    Robert, I fucked off last night, the night before that, and the night before that. My wife is sore and said we should take a break for a day or two. Mind if I borrow yours? I know your wife won’t mind.

    You, my good sir, are little more than a troll without an imagination. Would you care to prove otherwise?

    Happy Monkey!

  76. #76 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    Seems as though one of the lost (may be a monkey but not sure) has used my name without permission. I would never use that kind of language myself. I will not let it bring me down though. This is way to much fun playing with you critters.

    Playing? You’ve done nothing but show your ass. Make a coherent argument about something bobby, then we’ll really play.

  77. #77 Sven DiMilo
    December 18, 2008

    No Happy Monkey for me…much grading still to be done and another final exam to give tomorrow morning (weather permitting). Plus my arms are sore from 3 vaccinations this morning (2 in the left, one in the right). Also not enough sleep recently, nor beer. Maybe Happy Monkey Monday.

  78. #78 Wowbagger
    December 18, 2008

    Robert wrote:

    This is way to much fun playing with you critters.

    I guess that could be what a mouse thinks as it’s getting batted about on a cat’s paws. Doesn’t tend to last very long though…

  79. #79 bernard quatermass
    December 18, 2008

    Robert has staggered upon the ineluctable truth that when students are taught anything he a) doesn’t understand, b) doesn’t know or (FSM help us) c) doesn’t LIKE, it is a very very very very Bad Thing and it is time to drag phrases like “Godless Commie” out of the closet and dust them off and lazily, thoughtlessly vomit them forth over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

  80. #80 Dire Lobo
    December 18, 2008

    Here’s something worth a good laugh! What took so long?

    Toss off a few at Bush!
    http://www.kroma.no/2008/bushgame/

    Happy Monkey !!

  81. #81 chillerguy
    December 18, 2008

    Everybody’s got something to hide except for me and my (happy) Monkey!

  82. #82 Timothy Wood
    December 18, 2008

    happy monkey to all. and nice grinch reference.

    …boil that dust speck.

  83. #83 Johnny Vector
    December 18, 2008

    And where o where is the Digital Cuttlefish now that we need him most! PZ, I’m sorry but your sense of rhythm is either extremely advanced or nonexistent. I want to hear the rest of that formerly-Geisel poem in its new monkified form!

    C’mon, DC, don’t tell us you’re still grading!

  84. #84 WRMartin, I.S.
    December 18, 2008

    Rev., I was OK with I appears. But then I had this mental image of you appearing out of nowhere surrounded in a holy aura of glowing mist passing judgement on Robert’s ikibari.
    P.S. I totally stole that word from here:
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3830559/Toujours-Tingo-Weird-words-and-bizarre-phrases.html

    Yikes, I hope the URL doesn’t get eaten by unhappy monkeys.

  85. #85 Philip P.
    December 18, 2008

    I just got back from the doctor. He thinks there is something to my loss of hearing in one of my ear’s, and he’s worried there’s a Happy Monkey in my brain.

    (There, there’s my Hannah reference for the day. Random-Man away!)

  86. #86 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    Hey dumbchimp, I didn’t know you were looking ;-) Yeah right, this sight is full of coherent arguments. Do you guys just stroke each other all day like this?

  87. #87 Thomas R. Holtz, Jr.
    December 18, 2008

    No Happy Monkey for me until the beginning of next week; have to give a final on Saturday…

  88. #88 Anon
    December 18, 2008

    @59–

    Big…Big…Monkey Man! (the Specials)

    http://www.last.fm/music/The+Specials/_/Monkey+Man

    Happy Monkey!

  89. #89 Brad
    December 18, 2008

    Robert says:

    I do hope you all have a Christ filled Christmas.

    Thanks but no thanks. I’ve become a Bobian.

    Robert? Didn’t recognize you. Hey look everyone, Bob’s back! I knew you’d return someday Bob!

  90. #90 Longtime Lurker
    December 18, 2008

    Of course, it wouldn’t be a Happy Monkey without Devo’s “Jocko Homo”, Toots and the Maytals’ “Monkey Man”, Chuck Berry’s “Monkey Business” or (not a self-plug) The Lurkers’ “Monkey Again”.

    And Robert, we’re all Monkeying for you!

  91. #91 damnedyankee
    December 18, 2008

    Do you guys just stroke each other all day like this?

    No, we also mercilessly bait the occasional hapless dullard passing through.

  92. #92 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    quaterass, I don’t believe I said anything remotely resembling you.

  93. #93 Sven DiMilo
    December 18, 2008

    Yeah right, this sight is full of coherent arguments. Do you guys just stroke each other all day like this?

    No, sometimes we here on this site take time off from stroking to correct each others’ spelling.

  94. #94 WRMartin, I.S.
    December 18, 2008

    Robert, maybe you’re looking at the wrong sight for coherent arguments. But, no, we don’t just stroke each other all day like this – we only stroke each other during Happy Monkey.

  95. #95 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    Hey Sven, How ya doing buddy? Long time no see. Are you still doing Jack?

  96. #96 Newfie
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey? *puff* You betcha.
    I’m eating a clementine right now, I may or may not have a banana later.
    get yer ‘eads out of the gutter! :P

  97. #97 octopod
    December 18, 2008

    I am a happy monkey too!

    Happy Monkey! C^_^D

    Holy shit, a holiday sentiment so cute it can only be expressed in manga form…

  98. #98 Wowbagger
    December 18, 2008

    Robert squeaked:

    Hey dumbchimp, I didn’t know you were looking ;-) Yeah right, this sight is full of coherent arguments. Do you guys just stroke each other all day like this?

    Squeak, squeak little mousie!

  99. #99 Brownian, OM
    December 18, 2008

    Do you guys just stroke each other all day like this?

    Well, it’s certainly not nearly as useful or interesting as spending all day on a site (that’s the word you were looking for, Bobby) criticising everyone else for spending all day on the same site, but it passes the time.

    Why?

  100. #100 Longtime Lurker
    December 18, 2008

    Robert, before you pick the flea out of your brother’s fur, first pick the leech out of your own fur.

    Then eat both leech and flea.

  101. #101 E.V.
    December 18, 2008

    Yeah, Robert, we stroke each other all day here. Now you’re here. it’s your turn in the barrel. You know the drill – just cover your teeth and say “aaaaahhh”.

    (Hey you guys, I told Robert he had to be in the barrel *snicker*, he’s such a credulous ass, I’m sure he’ll do it *guffaw*)

  102. #102 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    Hey dumbchimp, I didn’t know you were looking ;-) Yeah right, this sight is full of coherent arguments. Do you guys just stroke each other all day like this?

    More of the same Bobby. Lots of blah blah and no point.

    Do you have a point to your comments Bobby? How about instead of spewing insults, which you really aren’t very good at anyway, and make an argument and then defend it.

  103. #103 natural cynic
    December 18, 2008

    Watch Letterman. He’s been showing a sneezing monkey most nights for the last week or so.

  104. #104 damnedyankee
    December 18, 2008

    And of course the barrel is full of…!

  105. #105 Cappy
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey, everyone. And may the New Year fling something nice your way!

  106. #106 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    WRMartin, it’s no secret this site is not going to offer up any “coherent arguments.” It’s just that you all are, like, right out of a cartoon. Remember Curious George, that’s how I picture you.

  107. #107 Happy Kiwi
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey! And the blessings of the FSM upon you all. (In particular upon trollrobert who needs all the help he can get).

  108. #108 Sven DiMilo
    December 18, 2008

    Are you still doing Jack?

    I…

    I’m not sure what that means.

    (I usually prefer Jameson to bourbon, if that was your question.)

  109. #109 damnedyankee
    December 18, 2008

    Better a “Curious George” than an incurious fool.

  110. #110 MikeM
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Primate!

    Wait, I did that wrong. Sorry.

  111. #111 Wowbagger
    December 18, 2008

    The Rev. wrote:

    Do you have a point to your comments Bobby? How about instead of spewing insults, which you really aren’t very good at anyway, and make an argument and then defend it.

    Yeah, but that requires two things Mouse Robert doesn’t have – 1) an argument, 2) the cojones to present it to his intellectual betters. Heck, he’s not even clever or creative with his insults; we can’t expect him to actually come up with a valid point of any kind.

    The cats are getting bored, Mouse Robert. You’re just lying there and taking it.

  112. #112 Tim Fuller
    December 18, 2008

    Everybody has something to hide except for me and my monkey.

    Enjoy.

  113. #113 Robert
    December 18, 2008

    Gotta go guys. I feel all dirty now just playing with ya. You have fun with your furry little tools.

  114. #114 Brownian, OM
    December 18, 2008

    Next on Robert’s agenda:

    Friday: Join a bowling league to advise bowlers that bowling is a waste of time.

    Saturday: Take a taxi and inform the driver that taxis are far more expensive than busses.

    Sunday: Have ‘Went to church today’ slip validated by priest. Only two more and he gets a gold star for this year!

    Later Sunday: Commit unspeakable acts that fly in the face of nearly every religious tradition. Pray for forgiveness. Rinse and repeat.

  115. #115 Tony Sidaway
    December 18, 2008

    This Happy Monkey Day I do hereby declare that a state of warfare exists between myself and the Monkey.

  116. #116 Colin
    December 18, 2008

    “No, sometimes we here on this site take time off from stroking to correct each others’ spelling.”

    Shouldn’t that be “each other’s spelling”?

  117. #117 damnedyankee
    December 18, 2008

    You have fun with your furry little tools.

    Oh, we did. But it was just the one tool this time out. And now he’s leaving us.

  118. #118 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    WRMartin, it’s no secret this site is not going to offer up any “coherent arguments.” It’s just that you all are, like, right out of a cartoon. Remember Curious George, that’s how I picture you.

    Bobby, you’re very tiresome. Quite acting like you just got home from 8th grade and start forming up an argument. Make a point that actually means something other than you thinking you’re flexing some internet muscle.

    How about giving us an example of a coherent argument supporting something you agree with that you think we will not.

    Or will you continue to hide behind your 8th grade insulting insecurities?

  119. #119 Jason A.
    December 18, 2008

    Roberts battle plan:

    1. Complain about a lack of ‘coherent arguments’ while never actually presenting one of his own
    2. Say ‘Gotta go’ when you get called out on it
    3. ???
    4. Victory!

  120. #120 Nanu Nanu
    December 18, 2008

    “I…

    I’m not sure what that means.”

    Homophobia.

    He’s calling you gay.

  121. #121 Brownian, OM
    December 18, 2008

    WRMartin, it’s no secret this site is not going to offer up any “coherent arguments.”

    And how again do you propose that you’d be able to tell, BobbieSox?

  122. #122 Paul Lundgren
    December 18, 2008

    @Robert #106:

    (I)t’s no secret this site is not going to offer up any “coherent arguments.”

    The next time a creationist offers any coherent arguments, that will be a feast day, indeed.

    Have a Spicy Spaghettimas, everyone!

  123. #123 Brownian, OM
    December 18, 2008

    Robert 1: PZ Myers is stupid.

    Robert 2: You guys are stupid.

    Robert 3: I have to go. Have fun being stupid.

    And he calls us caricatures? I take one of my previous comments back. If he were a church-going man, he’d surely know what a real cartoon looks like.

  124. #124 Wowbagger
    December 18, 2008

    Gotta go guys. I feel all dirty now just playing with ya. You have fun with your furry little tools.

    Colour me unsurprised.

    Adieu, Mouse Robert – you cowardly, spineless, sack of shit. No doubt you’ll go tell your pissant co-religionists how you stood up to the atheists over on PZ’s blog, and they’ll all gape in wonder at your skill and boldness – well, until they come here to see for themselves and realise you’re a gutless wimp, who cowered and quivered and whimpered and squeaked out a handful of lacklustre attempts at insults before scuttling back to your hole, crapping yourself in fear.

  125. #125 Newfie
    December 18, 2008

    This Happy Monkey Day I do hereby declare that a state of warfare exists between myself and the Monkey.

    the war against monkey is a canard by the left wing simian fundies

  126. #126 Sven DiMilo
    December 18, 2008

    Shouldn’t that be “each other’s spelling”?

    Hmmm, I’m not sure. You may well be right. (Punctuation: not my department.)

    I’m also waiting for the whiskey pedants to inform me that Jack Daniel’s is not really a “bourbon.”

  127. #127 Steve_C
    December 18, 2008

    It’s dumb shits like you Robert that are screwing up kids, not Professors teaching biology.

    Happy Monkey!

  128. #128 Bryan
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey also happens to be an adult beverage.

  129. #129 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    Awwwwwwwwww. Poor bobby took his ball and went home, never having shown that he has the cognitive abilities past a little boy taunting the chained dog in his neighborhood, too scared to get on the other side of the fence.

    Poor Bobby.

  130. #130 damnedyankee
    December 18, 2008

    It’s not officially a War on Monkey until Bill O’Reilly starts pointlessly reminiscing on what Monkey was like when he was a kid.

  131. #131 Baby Jesus
    December 18, 2008

    @Robert: I am very cross with you.

    This is a very nice blog full of very nice people all of whom are more intelligent and better educated than you so stop being mean. I can take a joke and it would be nice if you were to actually follow my example for a change instead of using me as a cover story for being an ignorant thug.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go and have a stern chat with Mr Phelps, who seems to have an even worse grasp of what I was talking about than you.

  132. #132 ?xis?udio
    December 18, 2008

    “Well, my small Monkey grew three sizes that day!”
    If this condition persists for more than 4 hours – why thank you, I’m totally flattered :)

  133. #133 The Count
    December 18, 2008

    Sorry for the downer, but I just learned that Majel Roddenberry has died of leukemia.

  134. #134 WRMartin, I.S.
    December 18, 2008

    Rev.BigDumbChimp,
    8th grade? A wee bit generous even for Happy Monkey. Robert couldn’t hold a candle to an average 8th grader. They’d have him running crying to mommy after the first round of “I know you are but what am I?”

    Brownian, OM,
    Didn’t Robert earn a partial star today for his martyrdom at the hands of the evil, and dare I say it, liberal, Happy Monkey horde?

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch:
    Happy Monkey!

    Damn, that just rolls off the tongue and brings a smile to my curiously monkey-fied face every time.

  135. #135 Happy Kiwi
    December 18, 2008

    HAPPY MONKEY HYMN
    Tune: http://rockhay.tripod.com/midis/godislove.mid

    VERSE 1
    Come, let us all unite to sing,
    Happy Monkey.
    Sing, those with brains for reasoning,
    Happy Monkey.
    Let every mind from faith awake,
    Each on this Earth a paradise make,
    And sing with us for Reason’s sake,
    Happy Monkey!

    CHORUS
    Happy Monkey. Happy Monkey.
    And sing with us for Reason’s Sake,
    Happy Monkey.

    VERSE 2
    Come, let us learn how we evolved,
    Happy Monkey.
    The billions of years to make us all,
    Happy Monkey.
    Science confounds our superstition,
    No gravid virgins nor resurrection,
    Life’s here and now, there is no heaven,
    Happy Monkey!

    REPEAT CHORUS

    VERSE 3
    Come, let us praise our greatest minds,
    Happy Monkey.
    Darwin and Einstein and their kind,
    Happy Monkey.
    Now is the time to learn to think,
    Or we will shortly be extinct,
    Gods don’t exist,
    There is a link,
    Happy Monkey!

    REPEAT CHORUS

  136. #136 Carlie
    December 18, 2008

    Ok, so here is the official Happy Monkey cake, which has a t-shirt to go along with, and, of course, the traditional gift. Nickelodeon has also gotten into the spirit, with this holiday monkey story.

  137. #137 Newfie
    December 18, 2008

    Sorry for the downer, but I just learned that Majel Roddenberry has died of leukemia.

    That really sucks :(
    But, on the other hand… we have our first Monkey Saint!!11!

  138. #138 Feynmaniac
    December 18, 2008

    another shot is fired in the WAR ON FESTIVUS!!1!

    Festivus is a sacred (11 year old) American tradition. Its COMPLETELY ORIGINAL and DOES NOT borrow from Christian traditions which borrowed from pagan traditions !!1!uno!

    you people have no repsect. Its not a “holiday pole’. Its not a “holiday dinner”. “happy monkey” was ordained by our profit Frank Costanza, blessings be upon him. festicus celebrates the rebirth of the doll the profit Frank wanted for his sacred child, George.

    i will think of u during my air of grievances.

  139. #139 JJ
    December 18, 2008

    Sven @ 108
    Jack isn’t Bourbon, it’s Tennessee whiskey. Slightly different grain bill and uses maple charcoal.

    “Tennessee whiskey is not bourbon whiskey, as defined by Title 27 of the Code of Federal Regulations, Chapter 1, Part 5, Section 5.22″

    But I’ll agree with you, Jameson is by far the best (I’m a little biased, it’s my first name)

  140. #140 JulianaMarie
    December 18, 2008

    SiMPel MYnd @#59 & Longtime Lurker @#90

    More happy monkeying from DEVO
    “Go Monkey Go” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lYZcIC6bqU

  141. #141 Bunk
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey!

    Does this mean I get to fling poo at someone?

  142. #142 WRMartin, I.S.
    December 18, 2008

    Does this mean I get to fling poo at someone?

    Yeah, but Robert already left.

    May Happy Monkey be upon you.
    Or something like that…

  143. #143 jj
    December 18, 2008

    Sven @126
    Didn’t see you called yourself out on that one, must of happened while I was finding those federal regulations on bourbon…

  144. #144 Sven DiMilo
    December 18, 2008

    I am a Prophet! I successfully predicted JJ’s comment #139!

    So, what do I win?

  145. #145 jj
    December 18, 2008

    A shot, make it a double

  146. #146 Sven DiMilo
    December 18, 2008

    Sounds good to me!
    Barkeep! One for you too, and an IPA chaser!

  147. #147 Ubi Dubium
    December 18, 2008

    There have been “Happy Monkey” cards available over at Engrish.com for more than a year now:

    You Friend Happy Monkey!
    Building! Snowman your Christmas!
    Shall you see! his snowman gift for you!

    If they weren’t so pricey, I’d have sent them this year.
    (http://store.engrish.com/greetingcards.html)

  148. #148 C Barr
    December 18, 2008

    It’s not officially a War on Monkey until Bill O’Reilly starts pointlessly reminiscing on what Monkey was like when he was a kid.

    Bill O’Reilly’s monkey isn’t happy unless Bill is harassing female employees on the telephone.

  149. #149 Longtime Lurker
    December 18, 2008

    That bastard Paul Weyrich, the architecht of the Religious Right, died today as well.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/20081218/pl_politico/16702_1

    Too bad about Majel, she always seemed like a really classy individual.

  150. #150 Jackal
    December 18, 2008

    Sorry guys, I’m sticking with my Crown Royal. Happy Monkey everyone, and cheers!

  151. #151 jj
    December 18, 2008

    Cheers! Here’s to a Happy Monkey to all!

  152. #152 Longtime Lurker
    December 18, 2008

    Uhh… architect.

    Brain Fart on my part.

  153. #153 mattmc
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey to all !

    and a Happy Festivus to Feynmaniac.
    (don’t forget about the feats of strength)

  154. #154 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    Sven @ 108
    Jack isn’t Bourbon, it’s Tennessee whiskey. Slightly different grain bill and uses maple charcoal.

    “Tennessee whiskey is not bourbon whiskey, as defined by Title 27 of the Code of Federal Regulations, Chapter 1, Part 5, Section 5.22″

    But I’ll agree with you, Jameson is by far the best (I’m a little biased, it’s my first name)

    I just picked up a bottle of Bookers…… I like Irish Whiskey but I guess it’s my Southern blood, I always go for Bourbon. Well, unless there some really good single Malt Whisky around. But I really want to get a hold of some of this.

  155. #155 Renee
    December 18, 2008

    On another topic completely: Celebrate by getting yourselves one of these:

    http://www.modcloth.com/store/Womens/Accessories/Necklaces/My+Pet+Octopus+Necklace

    Serendipitously, it looks almost exactly like the Pharyngula octopus.

  156. #156 aratina
    December 18, 2008

    You have to hand it to religious people for making up such wonderful things as happy monkey and Santa and then acting like us atheists contrived a controversy. A happy monkey to one and all!
    Nevermind… just saw the news that Majel died :(

  157. #157 Owlmirror
    December 18, 2008

    Can’t believe I’m the first to post this…

    Dance Like a Monkey

    Shake your monkey hips!

    (Better quality video at Roadrunner Records)

  158. #158 Kalirren
    December 18, 2008

    Oh, man, my SO and I have been using the constructions “happy monkey” and “happy rat” and “happy lizard” in reference to certain groups of satisfactions and/or contentments for about a year now. We stratify it by when our brains finally got around to recognizing something as being good; e.g., tasty fruits are a happy monkey thing, tickling is happy rat, a warm bed is happy lizard.

    But to see a proto-version of this meme hit Pharyngula because an angry e-mail troll thought it up is just sublime.

    Happy Monkey everybody!

  159. #159 RickrOll
    December 18, 2008

    To bad bobby left already. I had a perfect Carlin quote:

    “You’re a loser bobby! A Loser. Now clean the shit out of your desk and get the fuck outta here!”

  160. #160 jj
    December 18, 2008

    Rev @154
    I’m a bigger fan of the Irish whiskey nice clean taste, Scotch it too peaty for me, bourbons

    http://www.bevmo.com/Shop/ProductDetail.aspx?D=Jameson&Ntx=mode%2bmatchall&Dx=mode%2bmatchall&Ntk=All&Nty=1&Ntt=Jameson&N=0&ProductID=8935
    mm 18 years aged…

  161. #161 AJ Milne
    December 18, 2008

    Happy monkey to all, and to all a good night.

    (I can’t add a Youtube-friendly musical cue to those previously suggested, though I tried. I’m listening to the Lee Pui Ming Ensemble’s ‘Monkey King Charges the High Heavens’, but it looks like it’s not especially online anywhere. But take my word for it: it’s very appropriate.)

  162. #162 Owlmirror
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey!

    But not too much of a Happy Monkey, if you know what I mean…

  163. #163 mattb
    December 18, 2008

    May all your hearts be filled with that Happy Monkey spirit all year through!

  164. #164 Doc Bill
    December 18, 2008

    To celebrate Happy Monkey, me and my left-wing hippie socialist communist tree-hugging family will be dining on quiche.

    Happy Monkey to everybody!

    (except Robert aka “Hey You Kids Get Off My Lawn!”)

  165. #165 cassandraclaire
    December 18, 2008

    Done with my last final of the semester…

    Happy Monkey?
    Happy Monkey indeed.

  166. #166 ggab
    December 18, 2008

    Just got here.
    Is Robert the best we’ve done today?
    Hardly seems worth showing up really.
    Well, Happy Monkey to all!!
    Perhaps we’ll get some real victims soon.

  167. #167 Sven DiMilo
    December 18, 2008

    apropos Owlmirror @#162:
    “There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a Happy Monkey in the depths of an ether binge.”
    –Dr. Hunter Simian Thompson

  168. #168 Shaden Freud
    December 18, 2008

    Longtime Lurker @149 wrote:

    That bastard Paul Weyrich, the architecht of the Religious Right, died today as well.

    That’s awful. Just terrible. Why, God, why? Why didn’t you take Pat Robertson too?

  169. #169 littlejohn
    December 18, 2008

    I wish you all a good Monkey!

    BTW, please learn how to spell “judgment.”

    I don’t mean to throw a monkey wrench into this. I’m just monkeying around. No monkey business intended. O god, stop me now! The flying monkeys! The flying monkeys!

  170. #170 Shaden Freud
    December 18, 2008

    Oh, and in honor of the late Mr. Weyrich, here’s Christopher Hitchens’ classic anti-eulogy for Jerry Falwell.

  171. #171 Wowbagger
    December 18, 2008

    BTW, please learn how to spell “judgment.”

    Er, ‘Judgement’ is not incorrect. It’s simply the non-US spelling.

  172. #172 bob loblaw
    December 18, 2008

    happy monkey, mr. morris!

  173. #173 Richard from Red Deer
    December 18, 2008

    Robert at #47

    “WRMartin needs to go f@ck off–today. ”

    Just an observation but the only thing missing from the f@ck off is u.

  174. #174 Ichthyic
    December 18, 2008

    before I rework the St. Crispin’s day speech to befit Happy Monkey, let me throw this great Sean Cullen song into the ring:

    http://video.aol.com/video-detail/sean-cullen-woman-and-a-chimp/2025628989

    Here’s to all the chimpy-children in all of us.

  175. #175 Happy Kiwi
    December 18, 2008

    Hitchens: “If you gave Falwell an enema he could be buried in a matchbox.”

    Brilliant! Thanks for the link Schaden Freud–made my day.

  176. #176 Kel
    December 18, 2008

    Er, ‘Judgement’ is not incorrect. It’s simply the non-US spelling.

    Next they are going to complain about colour, realise, sceptic, gaol, and through ;)

  177. #177 Kel
    December 18, 2008

    And on the whiskey front, I have a bottle of Maker’s Mark to open when I get home tonight :D

  178. #178 vandalhooch
    December 18, 2008

    The birth of a new holiday on the day I celebrate my own birth (36 years ago)? Happy Monkey, indeed!

  179. #179 Steve_C
    December 18, 2008

    I have a bottle of this waiting for me at home.

    http://tuthilltown.com/QUALITY/four.html

  180. #180 Iain
    December 18, 2008

    Now I wish that the knitted Cthulu Claus had been holding a monkey instead of a little girl.

    *sends out his evil will towards those skilled in dollmaking*

    Happy Monkey! (p.s. I loved it when I heard it in the ‘i get mail’ thread and am glad that it is becoming recognised)

  181. #181 Epikt
    December 18, 2008

    [Clouseau accent]

    ‘eppy Minkey!

    [/Clouseau accent]

  182. #182 The MadPanda
    December 18, 2008

    (in addition to Sigmund #48 and IAmMaurauder #67)

    (ahem)

    I have here a missive from Sun Wukong, the Handsome Monkey King and Great Sage Equal To Heaven. It appears His Ultimate Funkiness is much pleased by this, possibly even more than he was when Jet Li played him in a recent film.

    Happy Monkey and a Merry OOOK to all.

    The MadPanda, FCD

  183. #183 Clouseau
    December 18, 2008

    Do you ‘ave a lisahnce for that ‘eppy minkey?

  184. #184 mikespeir
    December 18, 2008

    Bah! Humbug.

  185. #185 Also Clouseau
    December 18, 2008
  186. #186 Also Clouseau
    December 18, 2008
  187. #187 woodstein312
    December 18, 2008

    PZ observed :
    “(important usage note: it is not Merry Monkey, nor is it Happy Monkey Day.)

    But perhaps maybe there *should* be a Monkey Day… Perhaps we should lobby Congress. Who’s with me?

  188. #188 'Tis Himself
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey to all and sundry.

    I’m sitting here enjoying my Bunnahabhain 18 year old single malt.

  189. #189 Twin-Skies
    December 18, 2008

    @The MadPanda

    Sun Wukong! Thanks for bringing that up – It brings back a lot of happier childhood memories. Happy Monkey!

    @Robert

    I have no effing idea on who’s been peeing on your bananas, but a Happy Monkey to you too!

  190. #190 Tasida
    December 18, 2008

    Has anyone submitted a display for the capitol rotunda, yet?

    http://brandautopsy.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/see_hear_speak_1.jpg

  191. #191 delosgatos
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey, everyone!

  192. #192 anthonzi
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey. git it 2 4chan nao

  193. #193 littlejohn
    December 18, 2008

    Um, what country are we in? You can’t defend bad spelling by pointing out that a word is spelled differently in another country.

    After all, in Canada, ham is spelled “bacon.”

    Lighten up. And happy Monkey!

    Have I had too much to drink yet? No? Hot damn!

  194. #194 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    I have a bottle of this waiting for me at home.

    http://tuthilltown.com/QUALITY/four.html

    WANT!!!

    I’ve heard about it, never had it.

    A real interesting Whiskey being made out in Colorado is Stranahans Colorado Whiskey. They are sort of connected with Flying Dog Brewery and their whiskey is fantastic. It’s like a cross between Bourbon and Scotch. They have a unique distilling process. I highly recommend it as something different. A change of pace perhaps.

  195. #195 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    link fail

    Stranahans

  196. #196 Cruithne
    December 18, 2008

    My monkey gets busy sometimes
    My monkey’s got a lot of stuff he’s gotta think about
    My monkey gets tired sometimes
    My monkey wishes he was something you could do without

    Cause every monkey needs alone time
    To eat bananas in the sunshine
    It’s feast or famine it’s a fine line
    It doesn’t mean my monkey doesn’t love you

    My monkey gets frazzled sometimes
    My monkey has an ulcer and a stressful time at work
    My monkey gets bitter sometimes
    My monkey’s not the only one who’s acting like a jerk

    And while he doesn’t like to name names
    And he’s not trying to assign blame
    It’s hard to focus on his own game
    It doesn’t mean my monkey doesn’t love you

    [My monkey butler Brian Dennehy screwed up again and he’s sorry]
    [My monkey he loves you My monkey loves you very much]
    [My monkey says My monkey says]
    [My monkey says he’s sorry he’s a monkey but he’s got to be a monkey and there’s nothing he can do]

    My monkey gets angry sometimes
    My monkey says a lot of things he doesn’t really mean
    My monkey gets lucky sometimes
    My monkey thinks that you’re the bestest girl he’s ever seen

    He says he’ll stay with you for always
    It doesn’t matter what the job pays
    Cause everybody has their bad days
    It doesn’t mean my monkey doesn’t love you

    It doesn’t mean my monkey doesn’t love you.

    ************************************************************
    By Jonathan Coulton.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuQqJ4DUmKE&feature=related

    Happy Monkey! to everyone.

  197. #197 The MadPanda
    December 18, 2008

    Twin Skies (#189)

    You’re quite welcome! Since fetching my Cub from this place called China, I’ve been reading Journey to the West. In the process, I’ve become a bit of a fan of ol’ Sun Wukong. He’s a bit like Miles Kendig–you can’t help but like the guy. Or maybe Bugs Bunny.

    (I’m more fond of Discworld’s Librarian, but His Handsomeness gets better lines.)

    The MadPanda, FCD

  198. #198 Happy Kiwi
    December 18, 2008

    Littlejohn said: “Um, what country are we in? You can’t defend bad spelling by pointing out that a word is spelled differently in another country.”

    Hey Littlejohn, PZ is in the US, but don’t assume everyone else who reads his blog is. Let’s ask him for a break down of hits by country–I think you’d be surprised how many non-Americans follow Pharyngula. I get a lot of American students at my university–in the past I’ve let them away with what is, in my country, bad spelling. Using your criteria I’d better start deducting marks–you’ve coloured my judgement on this one:)
    Happy Monkey!

    (Did even one person try singing my ‘Happy Monkey Hymn’ at #135? :( It’s quite a catchy dirge)

  199. #199 Miguel
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey!

  200. #200 Twin-Skies
    December 18, 2008

    @MadPanda

    The cloning trick with his hair was one of my favorite tricks – to think he predated Naruto Uzumaki centuries ago, LOL!

    Which format are you reading? Our high school library’s Chinese literature section used to have an illustrated collection of Journey to the West featuring watercolor-style paintings.

  201. #201 Epikt
    December 18, 2008

    Also Clouseau:

    Does your ‘eppy minkey bite?

    Thet.. is neut… mah ‘eppy minkey.

  202. #202 helvetica
    December 18, 2008

    I propose that the War on Monkey “Happy Holidays” equivalent shall be Pleasant Primate. It’s more inclusive, and therefore, is persecutional (??) to the Monkey-followers.

  203. #203 Kel
    December 18, 2008

    I have a bottle of this waiting for me at home.

    http://tuthilltown.com/QUALITY/four.html

    DO WANT!

  204. #204 IAmMarauder
    December 18, 2008

    @ MadPanda: I forgot what the actual story was called. I will have to look it up and read it again – has been a long time since I have done so.

    I may have to make it a Happy Monkey present to myself :)

    Mmmm… A comfy chair, a good story to read and a nice glass of Scotch. What more could a monkey want :)

  205. #205 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    December 18, 2008

    CNN is projecting Franken to win!!

    Or something like that.

  206. #206 The MadPanda
    December 18, 2008

    Twin Skies (200)

    Our copy is the Beijing Foreign Language Press paperback edition (1993) translated by W. J. F. Jenner. It’s got a few woodcut illustrations from the Qing Dynasty, but not full blown watercolor paintings.

    (In my opinion, the cover pic doesn’t quite do His Awesomeness justice…)

    The MadPanda, FCD

  207. #207 S.Scott
    December 18, 2008
  208. #208 Julie Stahlhut
    December 18, 2008

    Thanks a lot. I’ve got this very bad earworm now:

    “Happy Monkey to you,
    You belong in the zoo ….”

  209. #209 Your Mighty "Happy Monkey" Overload
    December 18, 2008

    Littlejohn at 169

    The language is called English. In England it is spelled “judgement”. The fact that your country cannot apparently deal with correct English spelling should not be to the detriment of the rest of the world.

    Oh, and by the way, colour has a “u”, and theatre does not end “ter”. And before you start saying that American English is phonetic, one word; “Arkansis”.

  210. #210 ShavenYak
    December 18, 2008

    More music for Happy Monkey festivities:

    Beastie Boys – “Brass Monkey”
    Warren Zevon – “Porcelain Monkey”
    Aldo Nova – “Monkey On Your Back”

  211. #211 labert
    December 18, 2008

    Happy Monkey to all. May the banana be with you, may your barrel always be full, may your poo be accurately flung.

    My lice are your lice.

    Everybody Wukong tonight.

  212. #212 Ben Breuer
    December 18, 2008

    Pace #41 and the D&L Goddess (probably): Naughty Monkey to you, too, PZ! Congrats on getting the work done.

  213. #213 windy
    December 18, 2008

    Happy monkey!

    Someone should make this an event on Facebook…

  214. #214 Benjamin Franklin
    December 18, 2008

    Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Happy Monkey. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Happy Monkey. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

  215. #215 shonny
    December 18, 2008

    Posted by: Brownian, OM | December 18, 2008 4:48 PM

    WRMartin are you judging me? How intolerant of you. I do hope you all have a Christ filled Christmas.
    -Robert, it ceased being cute when right wingers criticised liberals of being ‘intolerant’ sometime around 1992. Pull your head out of your ass and look at a calendar, you shithead.

    I do hope you have a polyp-filled colon, douchebag.
    Now how’s that for intolerance, fuckface?

    Good on ya, Brownian!
    Have already had one ‘blowing-my-lid-off’ incident with a sanctimonious bunch of Norwegian Israel-lovers who got upset because some Palestinians in Bethlehem collected broken glass from bottles and other after Israeli attacks, made glass angels from the debris, and sold them to make a bit of money.
    That was supposedly very antisemitic.
    The fun part was that the ones selling the glass angels in Norway, and being accused of being antisemitic, is a group called KKV, loosely translated to ‘the church’s cultural workshop’.

  216. #216 littlejohn
    December 18, 2008

    Dear Happy Kiwi:

    I hereby withdraw my objection to your spelling of “judgment.” And I do so in the spirit of Happy Monkey. I mean, what the hell, monkeys can’t spell.

    Did you know that my book, “How to Steal Food From the Supermarket,” is illegal in your country? Really. Your government has an official censor. He declared my book the most dangerous. Holy crap!

    But that isn’t your fault, Kiwi, just as George W. isn’t my fault.

    The important thing is that I have another drink. Happy Monkey!

  217. #217 Alan Kellogg
    December 19, 2008

    Your Mighty “Happy Monkey” Overload, #209

    You’re jealous because Shakespeare had an Appalachian accent.

    Happy Monkey, and Spicy Spaghetti to all.

  218. #218 ThirtyFiveUp
    December 19, 2008

    So Happy Monkey, everyone! And may you have many Happy Monkeys in days to come!

    Ba na na.

  219. #219 Chris Tucker
    December 19, 2008

    Remember, “Happy Monkeys Fling No Poo!”

  220. #220 bastion
    December 19, 2008

    Happy Monkey to all, and to all outta-sight!

    I ? Happy Monkeys!

  221. #221 JustJoeP
    December 19, 2008

    Sie können nicht berühren meine Affen.

  222. #222 shonny
    December 19, 2008

    Kjempeglad apekatt!
    Litt bakmusa, men ellers bra.

  223. #223 Stewart
    December 19, 2008

    Turn away from your monkey madness and follow the one true swinger.

    Happy Hylobatidae and may your Siamang’s be plenty.

  224. #224 scooter
    December 19, 2008

    OT OT Shameless self promotion OT OT
    Help, I’m a SHOE!!!

    an experiment in awful

    http://acksisofevil.org/audio/inner206.mp3
    or download from
    http://acksisofevil.org/innerside.html

  225. #225 Happy Kiwi
    December 19, 2008

    I have no doubt the chief censor has banned your book littlejohn. Every petty bureaucrat needs something to do to keep them on the government payroll. We can be largely secular, legalise prostitution, criminalise parental violence and then elect a right wing, global-warming denying, lock-em-all-up, fundy-retard government. You get rid of Bush–we get Bush writ small. I’d apologize about your banning–but as you say, what’s the point. At least you’re in good company–at one time or another our gate keepers have banned most of the world’s great literature. Thankfully our prime minister is happy to say publicly he doesn’t believe in god. We exist on such small mercies.

  226. #226 monkeyboysanta386sx
    December 19, 2008

    I mean, what the hell, monkeys can’t spell.

    Yes they can. You just have to give them enough time, and enough typewriters.

    Everybody’s Got Something To Hide (Except Me And My Monkey)!

  227. #227 scooter
    December 19, 2008
    I mean, what the hell, monkeys can’t spell.

    Yes they can. You just have to give them enough time, and enough typewriters.

    Everybody’s Got Something To Hide (Except Me And My Monkey)!

    and Hamlet

  228. #228 Morpheus
    December 19, 2008

    Happy monkey, happy monkey on the dusty road
    Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
    Been a long time, happy monkey, through the winters night
    Dont give up now, happy monkey,
    Galapagos in sight

    Ring out those bells tonight
    Galapagos, Galapagos
    Follow that star tonight
    Galapagos, Galapagos

    Happy monkey, happy monkey, had a heavy day
    Happy monkey, carry Darwin safely on his way
    Happy monkey, happy monkey, journey’s end is near
    There are monkies waiting for a sign to bring them here

    Do not falter happy monkey, there’s a star above
    It will guide you, happy monkey, to some islands with a very rich local fauna that will help you formulate a theory to explain the apparent miraculous design of life and overturn the stranglehold of millennia of superstitious nonsense.

    Ring out those bells tonight
    Galapagos, Galapagos
    Follow that star tonight
    Galapagos, Galapagos

    Happy monkey, happy monkey, had a heavy day
    Happy monkey, carry Darwin, safely on his way
    Happy monkey, carry Darwin, safely on his way

  229. #229 Nick Gotts
    December 19, 2008

    OK, OK, “Happy Monkey” everyone – but isn’t this guenon too long?

  230. #230 Wowbagger
    December 19, 2008

    OK, OK, “Happy Monkey” everyone – but isn’t this guenon too long?

    Nick’s right – we need some sort of break. Maybe a rhesus of an hour or so?

  231. #231 Phill
    December 19, 2008

    #59- Ape Man by The Kinks, maybe?

  232. #232 Psychodigger
    December 19, 2008

    The Monkey rules! We must all pay hommage to The Monkey. The Monkey will lead us into the light and save us from evil. We should thank the christian zealot who revealed the real Truth to us: not God, but The Monkey is the way! He’s probably kicking himself now, the idiot.

    Happy Monkey!

  233. #233 Ranson
    December 19, 2008

    I’m still confused about Robert/Bobby expecting some sort of cogent evolutionary argument in the “Happy Monkey” thread.

    I mean, it’s like going over to Orac’s and complaining that his shoe-throwing post isn’t about vaccines.

  234. #234 MH
    December 19, 2008

    I want to wish Carlie #136 a special Happy Monkey for providing a link to Cake Wrecks, a truly hilarious site!

  235. #235 mattmc
    December 19, 2008

    Ive got an easy day at work today. Happy Monkey!! Im not sure if its been mentioned yet, but another good happy monkey song is “Monkey in Your Soul” by Steely Dan.

  236. #236 DoctorOHM
    December 19, 2008

    Allright, you’ve convinced me, i’ll say “HAPPY monkey” from now on!

  237. #237 genesgalore
    December 19, 2008

    you can keep your Happy Monkey, I’m Happy Ape All Over:
    You say that you love me (say you love me)
    All of the time (all of the time)
    You say that you need me (say you need me)
    You’ll always be mine (always be mine)

    I’m feelin’ ape all over
    Yes I’m-a ape all over
    Baby I’m ape all over
    So glad you’re mine

  238. #238 Interrobang
    December 19, 2008

    I just found out that despite the terrible snowstorm that ruined my morning, I’m off work until the new year after today. Happy Monkey to me!

    After all, in Canada, ham is spelled “bacon.”

    Huwha? Is this like the Canada on Earth2 or something? The Canada I live in has perfectly serviceable ham; I just made jambalaya with the remains of one last night. If by some bizarre off chance you’re referring to the vaguely ham-like quality of back bacon, may I remind you that ham comes from the upper hind leg of a pig, and back bacon comes from, well, the back of the pig (as opposed to the normal side bacon, which comes from the rib area). Do you confuse chicken breasts and thighs too?

  239. #239 Mr P
    December 19, 2008

    So if you give a million Happy Monkeys(tm) typewriters….

    Someone had to say it.

    Happy monkey to ALL!

    Someone needs to start a list
    Happy monkey is better than Xmas because:
    1. Happy Monkey makes Bill O’riley’s head xplode
    2. etc

  240. #240 scooter
    December 19, 2008

    PZ, if your happy Monkey persists more than four hours, be sure to consult a physician

  241. #241 Aristides
    December 19, 2008

    Well, my small Monkey grew three sizes that day!

    Uh…well then.

  242. #242 Longtime Lurker
    December 19, 2008

    OK, OK, “Happy Monkey” everyone – but isn’t this guenon too long?
    Nick’s right – we need some sort of break. Maybe a rhesus of an hour or so?

    Uakari on with these puns.

  243. #243 scooby1967
    December 19, 2008

    Does this mean that the English have to go around saying “Happy £500″?

  244. #244 Nick Gotts
    December 19, 2008

    OK, OK, “Happy Monkey” everyone – but isn’t this guenon too long?
    Nick’s right – we need some sort of break. Maybe a rhesus of an hour or so?
    Uakari on with these puns.

    Ba-Ba-BOON!

  245. #245 Nitor
    December 20, 2008

    And to think I’ve been doing ‘Monkey Panic’ for years (has to be seen to be believed). I will now add ‘Happy Monkey’ to my limited reptile brain response repertoire. Thank you and a Happy Monkey to all!

  246. #246 Tim
    December 20, 2008

    Oh, great Darwin’s ghost. I refuse to comment on my little Monkey, or it’s propensity for dangling from trees.

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