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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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The popular notion that witches were burned is quite false. In fact, no witches were burned at any time in Salem or anywhere else in America. Nor were witches by any means all women; in fact, they were not all even human beings. Two dogs were actually put to death in Salem for 'witchcraft.' The means of execution in all cases, including the unfortunate dogs, was by hanging, with one exception: an old man named Giles Corey. …Corey's death was by 'pressing'; heavy stones were placed upon his chest in an attempt to force him to plead [he protected his kin by refusing to plead either way]. …Nor was the witchcraft hysteria confined to Salem; Andover, Massachusetts, was caught up in it before the affair had run its course, and at least one witch was found in Maine. Salem was not, as a matter of fact, even the first to hang a witch. An old woman in Boston had confessed to witchcraft and been hanged in 1688, four years before the first execution in Salem.
[Tom Burnam, The Dictionary of Misinformation, 1975]
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Category: Pirates • Weirdness
Posted on: December 4, 2008 10:47 AM, by PZ Myers
Some men's magazine was planning a cheesy promotion: they were going to include inflatable breasts with an issue. Sad news, though: the crate has been lost at sea.
There is some speculation that pirates are responsible. Very lonely, tasteless pirates.
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denialism blog 02.14.2012
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confessions of a science librarian 02.13.2012
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Comments
Posted by: Brad D | December 4, 2008 10:51 AM
I'll have to keep abreast of this situation.
Posted by: co | December 4, 2008 10:53 AM
Where's w00t when you need him?
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 10:55 AM
Buncha boobs.
Where is wOOt?
Posted by: clinteas | December 4, 2008 10:58 AM
This seems as good a time as any to proclaim that boobs are not my favourite female body part.
Thank you.
Posted by: co | December 4, 2008 11:05 AM
clinteas, that sounds like a proper poll subject.
Posted by: Teh Merkin | December 4, 2008 11:06 AM
What, again? I just imagined that yesterday.
Posted by: pikeamus | December 4, 2008 11:11 AM
hahahaha
hahah
*cries and struggles for breath*
ha
Posted by: Ouchimoo | December 4, 2008 11:20 AM
mmmmmmmmm randomness.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2008 11:22 AM
Ahhhhh, yes, that I will (continue to) do.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Christie | December 4, 2008 11:22 AM
Aw, I feel bad for all the poor sea creatures that will be choking on boobs!
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 11:23 AM
@ clinteas and co
We could have a "Tit for Tat" poll.
Posted by: Brad D | December 4, 2008 11:26 AM
...
Imagine all those booooobies,
floating out to sea,
You hooo hoowoo
You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one.
Posted by: Richard Wolford | December 4, 2008 11:29 AM
@clinteas #4
Agreed; I prefer to go further south, other side.
That is all.
Posted by: woody | December 4, 2008 11:31 AM
I'm a leg-and-ass man, myself...
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 11:33 AM
Recent poll:
5% of men prefer stockings
5% prefer bare legs
90% prefer something in between.
Posted by: stevogvsu | December 4, 2008 11:38 AM
Lonely pirates? Or a rouge band of inquisitive and randy cephalopods?
Posted by: Robert W | December 4, 2008 11:40 AM
Maybe one of the floating boobs is Bill O'Reilly!
Oh wait ... that was the previous post. D'oh!
Posted by: Richard Harris | December 4, 2008 11:45 AM
Clinteas, doesn't it depend upon what size they are, & whether or not they're pert or pendulous? Medium size & pert takes a lot of beating.
This is not mere frivolity, or prurience, on my part. Was it out of the infant's need for suckling that our aesthetics evolved? Don't tell me all this was Intelligently Designed. Bwahahaha.
Posted by: varlo | December 4, 2008 11:47 AM
Why do I smell a publicity stunt about an actually nonexistent publicity stunt?
Posted by: Sastra | December 4, 2008 11:48 AM
This is a job for the good men of the US Navy. They've handled breasts before.
Posted by: Richard Harris | December 4, 2008 11:48 AM
...a cheesy promotion...
I'll allow you milky, but cheesy - ?
Posted by: Richard Harris | December 4, 2008 11:52 AM
...Maybe one of the floating boobs is Bill O'Reilly!
No, not boobs. Something between the buttocks would be more appropriate.
Posted by: Enshoku | December 4, 2008 11:52 AM
The sad thing is the fact that they aren't yet inflated. Can you imagine sailors in their big white boats coming by and seeing wet saggy boobs in the water? eww.
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 11:53 AM
His head?
Posted by: Ethan Zook | December 4, 2008 11:54 AM
At least we'll know they float...Maybe we can use this to chart ocean currents? You know, put the loss towards something useful.
Posted by: Mad§cientist | December 4, 2008 11:58 AM
It is a good science opportunity for oceanography
Posted by: Raynfala | December 4, 2008 12:17 PM
130,000 breasts? Wow, line them up in the San Francisco Bay, and you could walk across them from San Francisco to Oakland...
...and when I say "walk", I mean "crawl along the surface"...
...and when I say "crawl", I mean "slide myself, snake-like, taking great care to keep my hips low"...
...and when I say "myself", I mean "my unclothed body"...
and...
Posted by: Deepsix | December 4, 2008 12:23 PM
"Some men's magazine was planning a cheesy promotion: they were going to include inflatable breasts with an issue. Sad news, though: the crate has been lost at sea."
Well that sucks. I had already paid my subscription in full.
Posted by: Sili | December 4, 2008 12:29 PM
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
(Actually, I lie just fine. Legs are more my thing.)
So are these gonna help us chart the currents like those rubber duckies and sneakers did?
Posted by: WRMartin | December 4, 2008 12:29 PM
Now I understand the true meaning behind this blurb on the lefthand side of the page:
Sign me up! Indeed. ;)
Add one 'harumph' for using this opportunity for science and monitor where they come ashore. We are now taking submissions for titles and abstracts...
Pirate talk will also be accepted.
Posted by: Form&Function | December 4, 2008 12:29 PM
I can't be the only one to feel some real concern about this story and other recent news about pirates. For the faithful, it's a clear sign that the global warming trend is only going to worsen.
Posted by: Romeo Vitelli | December 4, 2008 12:30 PM
The people of Atlantis are once again reminded of how strange surface dwellers are.
Posted by: Pete UK | December 4, 2008 12:32 PM
Well If I were in the navy and put on breast-retrieving duty, I'd feel a right tit.
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 12:33 PM
#11 Mayhempix - I'll raise your tit for tat.
I have two, and I can tat.
Posted by: beckyws | December 4, 2008 12:34 PM
My favourite part of my own (female) body is my brain.
Posted by: Pete UK | December 4, 2008 12:35 PM
I guess over there you must be having difficulty keeping a breast off the news...
Posted by: Blackrend | December 4, 2008 12:36 PM
Epic.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp, KoT, OM | December 4, 2008 12:36 PM
death by a thousand puns
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 12:39 PM
Brains are a bit harder to see from across the room.
Unless they aren't, in which case, ewwww.
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 12:40 PM
I got a dollar on "over".
Posted by: beckyws | December 4, 2008 12:41 PM
#39,
I prefer men who can use more than one sense at a time ;)
Posted by: WRMartin | December 4, 2008 12:43 PM
Among Patricia's other attributes is that she can tat?!
I remember watching my grandmother tat and make wonderful little decorative things all apparently, from a child's view, from nothing more than some thread.
Go Patricia!
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 12:44 PM
Yeah, someone should nip this in the bud.
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 12:45 PM
I'm not saying brains aren't important, just not as easy to notice.
Posted by: RickrOll | December 4, 2008 12:46 PM
*laughing, gasps for air*
*Fall over, roll around, gasping, laughing*
*asphyxiation, death*
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2008 12:48 PM
I see, fantasy men.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 12:50 PM
My only interest in tat is where do I get it and how do I trade it in for the other thing?
Posted by: blf | December 4, 2008 12:54 PM
It's all part of the Vatican's new secret plan to deal with the
clergypedaphiles: Inflatable altar boys. They will be supplied at nominal cost, probably less than that of a box of crackers, in an attempt to change the habits of millennia.The crate was not actually lost at sea. The Big Sky Fairy teleported the crate from inside its shipping container to the lower levels of the Vatican dungeons (where Elvis is kept in cold storage). The contents will probably be distributed in the usual manner, by prayerportation.
The story that what was lost was inflatable female body parts is either part of the cover-up, or just another example of the Vatican's sexual confusion. The magazine is presumed to be a front, but clear evidence is lacking.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp, KoT, OM | December 4, 2008 12:54 PM
damn you
/fist shake
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 12:58 PM
Well, that was a bust. An udder failure, I'd say.
Posted by: Banana | December 4, 2008 12:59 PM
If the breasts float accross the sea do they become abroad?
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 1:01 PM
Come sit by me you naughty tsg, I'll show you how to tat and we can share my WalnetO's.
Posted by: Ron Sullivan | December 4, 2008 1:05 PM
Inflatable tits. That's what I've wanted for a few years now, since my real ones started migrating in the general direction of my waist. Fortunately they can't find that anymore either. The outcome is in suspense.
I figure I can fill them with helium. Keep me all perky-looking* and light on my feet; in the case of a water landing I can serve as a flotation device**; and if I'm ever attacked with a sharp instrument I'll have instant revenge in hearing the perp turn into Donald Duck.
I moss w00t too. Come back w00t! Please don't tell us you ran out of boobies! You could go into re-runs! And there are still tits! Great tits, even!
*too late
** Robo-tits. Maybe I want robo-tits.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 1:09 PM
Before people start threatening me with the rack, I'll wean myself off the puns and head out to the supermarket.
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 1:19 PM
Oh, no. I'm not falling for that again. This is going to be like the time some girl asked me up for some philately and all we did was look at stamps.
Posted by: me | December 4, 2008 1:23 PM
Hey PZ!
Make sure you keep us abreast of this titillating story, bra!
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 1:23 PM
I really am having a tough time pulling myself away from a pun thread. I think I might have a problem. This calls for a serious self-examination...
Posted by: tsg | December 4, 2008 1:25 PM
While you're there, I need BooBerry cereal.
Posted by: me | December 4, 2008 1:27 PM
The Big Sky Fairy teleported the crate from inside its shipping container to the lower levels of the Vatican dungeons (where Elvis is kept in cold storage).
That's theft!!! I hope he gets busted! Then again the Vatican could always use this whole situation to milk out some more publicity.
Posted by: Bill Dauphin | December 4, 2008 1:32 PM
clinteas:
An unnecessary proclamation; I had assumed as much based on your comments about Giada De Laurentiis over on the squiddy-foodie thread. ;^)
Posted by: Gregory Earl | December 4, 2008 1:33 PM
Oooh, I love spring break...
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 1:34 PM
Thanks - that helped. :)
Posted by: Deepsix | December 4, 2008 1:37 PM
This reminds me of the words of a very wise man:
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2008 1:41 PM
Jugs are needed where men go down the sea in ships. Mounds of them.
As an avid bird watcher, I know I'd be willing to go to the racks for a good look at 130,000 Boobies and Great Tits. I'd even scramble over boulders and melons for the opportunity.
Nuff bad punning.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 1:47 PM
Much more likely a shipping container. They fall overboard all the time and have a tendency to either sink outright or float with the top just at the surface if they have buoyant content: very hard to see and a serious hazard to small craft. If you do any offshore sailing, they're one of many things that you have to keep an eye out for.
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 1:48 PM
Poor tsg, led into temptation and all you got was a good licking.
Posted by: Longtime Lurker | December 4, 2008 1:49 PM
The people of Atlantis are once again reminded of how strange surface dwellers are
How about the Chinese prisoners/slave laborers working in the inflatable boob factory? You know, the people doing the boob jobs.
Posted by: hje | December 4, 2008 2:03 PM
Men have never gotten over that Venus of Willendorf-thing.
Posted by: C. M. Baxter | December 4, 2008 2:03 PM
I wouldn't give you a nipple - er, I mean a nickel - for the whole lot of'em.
Posted by: Levi | December 4, 2008 2:03 PM
I like big brains and I cannot lieYou other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with a Phil Plait book
And an intellect in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice that head was stuffed
Deep in the hat she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Posted by: Deepsix | December 4, 2008 2:11 PM
Emmet Caulfield
"Much more likely a shipping container. They fall overboard all the time and have a tendency to either sink outright or float with the top just at the surface if they have buoyant content: very hard to see and a serious hazard to small craft. If you do any offshore sailing, they're one of many things that you have to keep an eye out for."
Well thanks for ruining the mental image/fantasy for everyone!
Posted by: Carlie | December 4, 2008 2:13 PM
Are those what bring all the buoys to the yard?
Posted by: SimonPure | December 4, 2008 2:16 PM
I'd rather see fake boobs wash up than real feet: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7726165.stm
Posted by: Bill Dauphin | December 4, 2008 2:18 PM
Ron Sullivan (@53):
A girl named "Ron"? You're not by any chance married to a boy named "Sue," are you?
PS: Forgive me if I've come to an erroneous conclusion. I know there's a photo on your blog, but apparently your photo hosting site is blocked on my work computer.
PPS: Yes, I know men have "tits." In fact, back when I was in college, my father had a radical mastectomy to cure his breast cancer. It's a funny old world, isn't it?
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 2:21 PM
Well, I am an atheist ;o)
Posted by: Longtime Lurker | December 4, 2008 2:27 PM
Are those what bring all the buoys to the yard?
Nice, Carlie! Have you heard the Bitter Sound Foundation L7 vs Kelis mashup? Absolutely brilliant!
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2008 2:35 PM
I suppose I should thank PZ for opening my eyes to the possibility of not imagining 130,000 breasts bobbing in the sea.
Who knew?
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: chancelikely | December 4, 2008 2:39 PM
Tsg, haven't you heard? Philately will get you nowhere.
Posted by: Bill Dauphin | December 4, 2008 2:46 PM
Some folks have a hobby,
Like tennis, or philately;
I've got a hobby:
Re-reading Lady Chatterly!
-"Smut," Tom Lehrer
Sorry 'bout that: I can't read or even think of that word without hearing Lehrer in my head!
Posted by: Katrina | December 4, 2008 2:50 PM
Awww, man. After a second glass of wine (a nice Sicilian D'Avola) I'm having a tough time reading these comments and not snorting.
My husband and kids keep giving me these odd looks.
Patricia: Tatting's cool. I was never very good at it, but used to enjoy crochet (before kids and the internet took up all my time).
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 3:05 PM
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 12:33 PM
"#11 Mayhempix - I'll raise your tit for tat.
I have two, and I can tat."
Do you mean tat as in "puddy tat?"
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 3:09 PM
Thanks for the mammaries everyone!
Posted by: Rey Fox | December 4, 2008 3:23 PM
Laugh all you want. I'm too busy despairing over sharing the planet with millions of men who buy magazines with "free inflatable breasts" promotions.
Posted by: Bill Dauphin | December 4, 2008 3:32 PM
Rey Fox (and all you other curmudgeons who refuse to laugh at this):
There are always reasons to despair about your fellow man or about the fate of the planet; laughter is our bulwark against mass suicide.
Shorter me: Lighten up, y'all!
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | December 4, 2008 3:44 PM
Maybe it's just me, but I thought the most hilarious thing in the article was that the men's magazine was called
Ralph
Posted by: Marc Abian | December 4, 2008 3:53 PM
You're not the only one Ben.
Posted by: Cthulhu | December 4, 2008 4:17 PM
So, there I was in sunken R'lyeh, happily snoozing away, when I was woken up by a big crate drifting down right on top on me.
I tear the crate open, expecting a nice snack of sacrificial victims, or something else appropriate, and instead, I find that the thing was full of inflatable plastic films, coloured and shaped like human breasts.
And I curse my fate.
I was preparing to awake and devour the sanity of the human race.
And I am obviously much, much too late.
You are all completely and udderly daft.
Posted by: CortxVortx | December 4, 2008 4:20 PM
What, aureole done with the puns?
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 4:24 PM
@CortxVortx
Very punny.
I was waiting to see who would make a good pun with aureole
and you milked it for all it was worth.
Posted by: Owlmirror | December 4, 2008 4:34 PM
Isn't a load of bogus boobs illegal? I mean, they're counterf-tit moo-lalas.
And aren't you gland there are no more puns to be nursed out of this story?
Posted by: mayehmpix | December 4, 2008 4:39 PM
Posted by: Owlmirror | December 4, 2008 4:34 PM
"And aren't you gland there are no more puns to be nursed out of this story?"
It's been the breast of times for all the bosom buddies here.
Posted by: Randall | December 4, 2008 4:43 PM
I always thought that pirates were only interested in booty, but it looks like some are breast men.
Posted by: Owlmirror | December 4, 2008 4:50 PM
Well, being pirates, what they're probably really interested in is cleavage in general.
And rum.
Posted by: Interrobang | December 4, 2008 5:02 PM
Imagine 130,000 breasts bobbing in the sea
I personally reenacted something like that in Lake Ontario just this past summer. I really need to get a new swimsuit.
Posted by: LisaJ | December 4, 2008 5:24 PM
After a long rough day, I am really appreciating reading through this thread and laughing my ass off! Well, I'm off for dinner and I'm going to bundle up, 'cause it's nippy out there!
Nice job on all the titillating puns everyone. Thanks for the laughs... you're all the breast.
Posted by: Tom Foss | December 4, 2008 5:48 PM
Actually, the story I read said it was only 129,992 inflatable breasts. It was supposed to be 130,000, but they lacked eight.
;)
Posted by: Owlmirror | December 4, 2008 5:55 PM
I bet you're feeling all pumped after that one.
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | December 4, 2008 5:58 PM
There I was, relaxing on my lounger, drifting along the ebbing tide of my tropical paradise, then
BAM!
A container marked RALPH knocked me upside the head.
It was the breast of times, it was the worst of times.
Posted by: MH | December 4, 2008 6:02 PM
Sastra #20 "This is a job for the good men of the US Navy."
Those breasts will be covered in seamen in no time!
Posted by: Tom Foss | December 4, 2008 6:02 PM
I'm actually feeling kind of drained. It was a tender moment.Posted by: papa zita | December 4, 2008 6:20 PM
Why does this sound like it'd make a good Warner Bros. cartoon? Sea creatures find crate of inflatable breasts and do interesting things with them.
Posted by: Owlmirror | December 4, 2008 6:27 PM
I see here that it's suspected that they somehow picked up a strong static charge, and repelled themselves from the rest. Or in other words, the lacked eight shun.
The Fish Police cop a feel?
Posted by: blueelm | December 4, 2008 6:31 PM
[blockquote] I suppose I should thank PZ for opening my eyes to the possibility of not imagining 130,000 breasts bobbing in the sea. [/blockquote]
Actually the idea of 130,000 severed body parts washing ashore is rather horrifying to me. Oh... that's right. Women ARE tits... gotcha.
Posted by: Owlmirror | December 4, 2008 6:49 PM
Well, that's a buzzkill. Everyone else is thinking of silly puns; what brought that on?
Unpleasant, and wrong, too.Posted by: Rey Fox | December 4, 2008 7:03 PM
Seriously: What does one do with inflatable breasts? Knead them in one's hands like an executive stress ball or very poor substitute for the real thing? Hang them up at parties? Bat them around at rock concerts? Fill a children's ball pit with them? Okay, that last one sounds like fun, but you'd need the whole shipping container, and I just don't have the money for the sea exploration or that many magazine subscriptions.
Posted by: Tom Foss | December 4, 2008 7:09 PM
Yes, I'm certain that's the general consensus around here, not that the whole concept of inflatable boobs is absurd and a little pathetic.Then again, it's not as though men have a monopoly on sex toys that look like severed body parts.
Posted by: Randall | December 4, 2008 7:10 PM
When I first read about this I wondered, "Were they really distributing just one boob per subscriber or were these 130,000 PAIRS of boobs (i.e., 260,000 boobs)?"
The article seems to indicate that we're only dealing with 130,000 single boobs. Of course, it may be that there were 65,000 boob pairs and the reporter did the multiplication necessary to get the 130,000 figure.
I just find the idea of a single, disembodied boob a lot more disturbing than the idea of a conjoined pair of disembodied boobs.
Posted by: margaret harnish | December 4, 2008 7:22 PM
Having endured all these clever puns about once again the degrading half the human race to their body parts, I am very tempted to add some well aimed dick puns specifically the one us female docs calling urological surgeons, brain surgeons, and stating our brain surgeons having such have hard time finding the object of surgery, at least for half of their patients. But that wouldn't be nice, now would it? Of course, your clever lads would respond by calling me a humorless c---. So once again I hold my tongue and silently
wishing your "brains" all shrink. No that is not nice, either, because I happen to enjoy that part your anatomy, at least when it correctly used and not as a subsitute for brains.
when you use it for its actual
Posted by: Kate | December 4, 2008 7:29 PM
Randall # 107 "I just find the idea of a single, disembodied boob a lot more disturbing than the idea of a conjoined pair of disembodied boobs."
That is pretty disturbing. Even if they were in a pair it seems from the article that they're not "attached" boobs. That's just... creepy. Creepy and weird.
... But I REALLY would have loved to have been when the Marketing Dept. suggested this. That must have been a very strange presentation!
Posted by: margaret harnish | December 4, 2008 7:35 PM
oops, apparently your server is male, too. Please delete the last line which I know will lead to some lame insults about my typing. Don't you know - we MD all are poor at handwriting , communicating in simple English, etc
Posted by: Kate | December 4, 2008 7:43 PM
Margaret, grow a sense of humour. If you honestly think every person who commented and made a pun was male, I think you might be the one with the sexism issues! Life is much more pleasant if you don't get your tits in a twist over adults having a little fun.
......heh.
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead | December 4, 2008 7:46 PM
I recall a job interview trip where my host was running behind due to a family emergency. They had me breakfast with a group interviewing with the marketing department so the company could pick up the tab. It was very entertaining listening to them talk about advertising campaigns. It was a whole different world.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 7:47 PM
Well, you do seem rather humorless from that post, but I wouldn't mind a few other dick puns (any puns at all, really). Really - urinal live and let live kind of place. Of course, I'm not a clever lad.
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 7:50 PM
Oh, c'mon SC, it cod be that Margaret was just being a bit teste.
Posted by: Levi | December 4, 2008 7:52 PM
Ooh, that reminds me of a punny joke.
What do you get when you cross a penis, a potato, and a boat? A dictatorship!
Posted by: Dust | December 4, 2008 7:56 PM
Ray Fox @105 'Seriously: What does one do with inflatable breasts?.......Bat them around at rock concerts?'
That sounds like a good idea!
Sorry Margret, MD, but Dust is a woman thinks the story and the puns are hi-larious!!
Back to bad boob puns!
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 7:57 PM
Man, I'm just about to go nad you start this up again. (Do fake-typo puns count? I say yes.) You think you're sovary clever.
Posted by: Levi | December 4, 2008 7:58 PM
Yeah, they're just being a bit melondramatic. Ignore them.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 8:02 PM
Sheesh, margaret. We make a few lousy puns and uterus apart.
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 8:04 PM
I suppose that depends on what the ultimate test-is.
Posted by: Tom Foss | December 4, 2008 8:07 PM
It would be terrible of me to egg you on after that. Moreover, I don't think I can support these non-breast-related puns. We need to lift and separate the breast-puns from the new flock of genital puns that seem to have budded out of desperation. If we don't get back to the real task in hand, this whole thread is going to go tits-up.Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 8:08 PM
Yes, but we should be genital with those who are not regular posters.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 8:12 PM
Don't know. As I said, I'm pro. State your case against.
(Have viagra-m of shame? It appears not.)
Posted by: Tom Foss | December 4, 2008 8:21 PM
I really hope these wash ashore in a couple of weeks. It would certainly be cause for rejoice. I can hear it already:
I saw some tits come sailing in
On Christmas Day, On Christmas Day
Ten thousand tits came sailing in
On Christmas Day in the morning
Posted by: RickrOll | December 4, 2008 8:21 PM
"I am very tempted to add some well aimed dick puns"- M
I appreciate anything that denagrates anyone! bring it on! Let the Luls ensue!
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 8:24 PM
I'm nut sure, as it cod in-vulva departure from tradition.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 8:33 PM
A "departure from tradition" sounds good and probably won't cause uspermanent damage. But I have to wonder: Is that what we should cl it or is that just aimed at making some of us happy?
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 8:49 PM
Butt where would it stop pudenda-p with something along the loins of "anything goes", which might nut be ve-reproductive.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 9:00 PM
Possibly, but I think that might be a fellatious argument.
Posted by: Heidi Anderson | December 4, 2008 9:01 PM
Nothing clever to say, just thanks for the laughs on a bad day. This is the funniest thing I have seen since Hamster on a Piano.
Posted by: clinteas | December 4, 2008 9:07 PM
*Looks into thread on a new day and aspirates his coffee laughing*
Well done people !
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 9:10 PM
Possibly, but I think that might be a fellatious argument.
...and I'm just not swallowing it.
Posted by: leftystrat | December 4, 2008 9:15 PM
Imagine 130,001 breasts bobbing in the sea.
I understand that large breasts are attractive because the drive to procreate is imprinted upon us and they would supply a lot of milk.
I tend to like smaller breasts and hate kids, thus confirming the theory.
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 9:17 PM
SC-rote:
You truly are a cunning linguist! I'll have to con-seed defeat if I can't come up with a hole basket of n-eusexual puns.
Posted by: clinteas | December 4, 2008 9:18 PM
Stop it,please.....
*gasps for breath*
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp, KoT, OM | December 4, 2008 9:22 PM
thankfully I have alcohol in the house. Having come back here and seen this and not have had any, there might be violence.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 9:23 PM
Added that specially for you. ;)
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 9:27 PM
Ovary funny, butt virgin on the obscene!
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 9:27 PM
Won't help you. As you can see, we hit below the belt. (I made that a double for you, Rev.)
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 9:29 PM
osted by: SC | December 4, 2008 8:02 PM
"We make a few lousy puns and uterus apart."
The best puntification of the day so far.
One swift hard glans and I knew it was true...
you are indeed the perfect woman.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp, KoT, OM | December 4, 2008 9:29 PM
*runs screaming from his computer
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 9:34 PM
Well, you have a dirty mind, I guessS&My meaning, in contrast, was asinnocent as can be.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2008 9:36 PM
Um, you added "severed". Certainly in my imaginings they are not, they're attached to 65,000 naked beauties.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 9:36 PM
True, but urethra very slutty or a very clever woman, paying lip-service to sluttiness.
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 9:42 PM
Cut or cauterized... vans the deferens?
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 9:44 PM
:D
Either way, I've got you licked.
Posted by: clinteas | December 4, 2008 9:45 PM
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 9:47 PM
Posted by: clinteas | December 4, 2008 9:45 PM
"How am I meant to get anything meaningful done here,people?"
I know what you mean...
the cervix here is lousy.
Posted by: nanu nanu | December 4, 2008 9:57 PM
I'm trying to think of a joke too but nothing's cumming to mind. I try to think of a pun but as soon as I get it it just flies from my head.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 9:57 PM
Gee, spot the complainers. :)
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 10:02 PM
Why not both ways? Or would that in-vulva-ctivities that you're hole-y against?
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 10:04 PM
And now here's Urethra Franklin for Toyota singing her new hit:
"My Boyfriend's New Priapus Never Let's Me Down."
Posted by: thalarctos | December 4, 2008 10:07 PM
Now, now, Margaret; there's a vas deferens between those examples that you're not taking into accunt.
Posted by: mayhempix | December 4, 2008 10:07 PM
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 9:57 PM
"Gee, spot the complainers. :) "
I think you've put your finger directly on the problem at hand.
Posted by: Steve | December 4, 2008 10:09 PM
Just sent this to an Aussie friend. He wants PICTURES!!!
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 10:11 PM
I have a mounting sensation that you just get shafted if uteri.
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 10:11 PM
I tit-toe back in here to have a glans at what aureole up too, and I see plenty more bad buns, er puns. Comics, yer all cumming ungooed.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 10:14 PM
Not at all. I've always dug e-style.
Posted by: k9_kaos | December 4, 2008 10:16 PM
Sixteen men on a dead man's breast,
Yo ho ho, and a bottle of milk.
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 10:17 PM
Then, bi my count, we're at level pegging.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 10:21 PM
Yeah. I know it's hard, but margaret should stop trying to erect false equivalencies.
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead | December 4, 2008 10:26 PM
The Redhead and I used be into punning, but for the most part we dropped it over the years. I'm too out of practice to keep up with SC and Emmet.
Posted by: Carlie | December 4, 2008 10:28 PM
I have to say to Margaret that I'm one of the first people to pounce on sexist language and call others to task for it, but this thread is making me weep with laughter. The fact that a men's magazine thought it would be a good promotion to hand out inflatable breasts is absurd, and if you want a serious discussion of such, try out this disembodied parts series. However, the fact that they are now bobbing about in the ocean is what makes it funny. Oh, and the puns. Puns are always good. But I suppose if you don't like the breasts, there are a lot of other FSH in the sea.
Posted by: clinteas | December 4, 2008 10:28 PM
Those two are on molly-worthy fire.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 10:29 PM
OK, you nailed me with that one.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 10:35 PM
OK, you nailed me with that one.
But if you think that'll make me hold my tongue, you've got another thing...
Posted by: Fernando Magyar | December 4, 2008 10:36 PM
As a avid saltwater aquarist, who collects the ocasional specimen at sea, I can only show my appreciation for this post by saying, Tanks for the Mammaries, lot's of them...
Heh, so much for thinking I was being original, I googled that and found this link which is pretty funny in it's own right. http://gothere.com/SanDiegoHystericalSociety/page55.htm
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 10:38 PM
And it only took a few strokes... of luck.
Posted by: Rey Fox | December 4, 2008 10:39 PM
The president is on the line
99 inflated boobs float by...
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 10:41 PM
Sigh. As anyone Kinsey, this thread has moved far from the titular subject, passed the Naval, and gone down from there.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2008 10:49 PM
I cunt stand all of this cocksure choking about what should be a privates matter. Cum on and get your heads out of this filthy twattle, act like erect members of society, and read something like Balzac.
This is a sad testismonial to the decline of a nation once engorged with pride, and whose social interactions were lubricated by the pure milk of politeness and rigid integrity. Once upon a time people might talk of their birds and their pussies, rather than mouthing off like seamen. I would like to head off such passages from between what should be their pure lips.
I'd cream this message from the rooftops, if I thought it would penetrate the slits of your minds.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 10:50 PM
Of corset could get worse.
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 10:52 PM
Ovule only stay on topic, we won't stray so much from a clitoral interpretation.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 10:55 PM
I suspect Glen D has a punile implant.
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 4, 2008 10:59 PM
SC,
I don't mean to blow you off, but I really need to go down and eat.
See y'all anon.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 11:00 PM
I think you're the one who opened that box, Emmet. In the future, please beavery careful.
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 11:01 PM
So Glen D. what you're saying is that you are bound to that sort of highly elevated ejaculation? Really sir, getting all tied-up in the rafters is a rather risky position. Butt-er be careful.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 11:03 PM
Phew - thanks! I have so much work to do and was sucked in by this thread. It was fun, though. Good night, everyone!
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2008 11:03 PM
Don't condom me, or I will rise up and explode with excitement.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Wowbagger | December 4, 2008 11:05 PM
Well, I'm going to consult an atlas for a Map of Tasmania and see if there's any indication that any of the rivers there terminate in a Felt Delta.
Posted by: clinteas | December 4, 2008 11:05 PM
NiNi,SC !!
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 11:07 PM
I cunt-ent help butt notice SC that great behinds think alike. Careful!
We'll tit over it.
Posted by: Patricia | December 4, 2008 11:16 PM
I too must go night night. Tomorrow we load the truck for the last weekend of peddling snake oil and eggs to the godly hordes.
Good night sweethearts. Ta-ta's for now!
Posted by: RickrOll | December 4, 2008 11:24 PM
"I cun't stand all o' this cocksure choking about what should be a privates matter. Cum on and get yer heads out o' this filthy twattle, act like erect members of society, and read something like Balzac.
This is a sad testismonial to the decline of a nation once engorged with pride, and whose social interactions were lubricated by the pure milk of politeness and rigid integrity. Once upon a time people might talk of their birds and their pussies, rather than mouthing off like seamen. I wood like to head off such passages from between what should be their pure lips.
I'd cream this message from the rooftops, if I thought it wood penetrate the slits of your minds.
Glen D"
---funniest with a scottish accent.
Posted by: SC | December 4, 2008 11:27 PM
Oh K-Y am I still reading this? Bodacious ta-tas to Patricia, clinteas, and all!
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2008 11:54 PM
I hope I wasn't too hard-on you, SC.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Owlmirror | December 5, 2008 12:41 AM
I was idly wondering if it might be possible to find these inflatable wossnames online. I searched one popular shopping site with no success, and then suddenly realized, of course Amazon.com won't have breasts!
Posted by: Its Just Not True | December 5, 2008 2:29 AM
Get real, there can't be more than about 130,000 of them.Plus, look at the bright side, this accident may yet save some lives of men who fall overboard: sea breasts = instant dinghy.
Posted by: clinteas | December 5, 2008 2:45 AM
Shame on you all !
There werent enough dick puns here at all,the poor Urology MD will have dispaired by now.....All this talk about g-spots and cervix(hey,whats the plural of that,cervices??),its just wrong !!
My fav : beavery careful,that was a true stroke of genius..:-)
Posted by: Sili | December 5, 2008 6:16 AM
Owlmirror,
*golfclap*
Posted by: LisaJ | December 5, 2008 9:09 AM
Soooo, now that's it's a new day and you sexual pun stars have had a chance to get some sleep, wanna get back to it here? I really need some more entertainment to get me through my comp. writing and journal club preparations today.
Come on, don't give us the shaft now, right when I have to thrust myself back into my work. I cunt do this alone.
Posted by: Tom Foss | December 5, 2008 12:41 PM
Woke up this morning
Don't believe what I saw
Hundred thousand bosoms
Washed up on the shore
Guess I'm not alone in feeling alone
Hundred thousand mammaries
Landed on my home.
Sending out for XXX
Sending out for XXX...
Posted by: LisaJ | December 5, 2008 12:46 PM
Nice, thanks :) I enjoyed your song that you posted last night too, Tom - good work.
Posted by: thalarctos | December 5, 2008 12:50 PM
I miss wOOt, too. I hope he hasn't left us.
But I'm sure that epidid, ymis have had a good reason.
Posted by: LisaJ | December 5, 2008 3:33 PM
nice :) I was also wondering what happened to wOOt. Although hilarious, this thread didn't seem quite right without him. Hmmm, cum to think of it, maybe he's out searching for those 130,000 boobies in the water.
Posted by: Art | December 5, 2008 3:49 PM
130,000 breasts bobbing in the sea. Nothing unusual about that. A crowded summer day on the beach certainly has 65,000 women in the water.
Of course with all those inflatable breasts we have to make concessions to the ass men out there. Say 65,000 of these:
http://www.freepatentauction.com/patent?nb=3411
Next year we can go all out and spring for the full-sized inflatable love dolls. Always good for a laugh. If Somali pirates lifted the shipment of breasts we will definitely need an armed escort for the life-sized dolls.
Imagine that ... there could be an actual shooting war started over inflatable love dolls.
Unimaginable as it was just a few years ago after this administration anything goes. We could even make a virtue of it:
We defend the rights of all free persons to traffic in facsimiles of all or parts of the human body.
Leading to the great 'Tits over Terran' campaign where barrage balloons made up as mammaries are flown over the capital. If the authorities object we go to war to protect this vital human right.
It is a strange world we live in.
Just not strange enough, yet.
Posted by: Tony Sidaway | December 5, 2008 9:54 PM
Now I'm going to have to work out whether Olbermann or his researchers read Pharyngula, or PZ Myers cribs from Countdown.
Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | December 5, 2008 10:18 PM
No, it just won't have them in pairs.
Posted by: RickrOll | December 6, 2008 12:41 AM
"Of course with all those inflatable breasts we have to make concessions to the ass men out there. Say 65,000 of these"
I love the Oblongs by the way! This actually sounds like a premise for an episode: they get free tickets to go on a cruise and they run into a large chipping container filled with these! OH the hilarity- especially if the crazy Bible lady is there. HA ha HA
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | December 8, 2008 11:12 PM
Observation
You know you've overdone the cosmetic surgery when your boobs have a pressure gauge.
Posted by: Sili | December 9, 2008 3:57 PM
Speaing of songs: anyone care to spin a pun on "When the Boobs Come In"?
Thou shalt have a ...?
Posted by: Mbee | January 4, 2009 10:24 AM
Sorry I missed this on Dec 4 - 9. I must have been busy.
I only looked it up to find out what a Molly was (I'm still new here)
This was hilarious and just goes to show that the penis mightier than the sword.