There are some things I never contemplated before, but in case you need a list to be really sure, here are Eight Reasons You Should Keep Coke Away From Your Vagina. Heed them!
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What about Mountain Dew?
Category: Reproduction • Weirdness
Posted on: January 8, 2009 3:12 PM, by PZ Myers
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Comments
Posted by: Cruithne | January 8, 2009 3:16 PM
Unfortunately, it's all the vaginas that are currently staying well away from my coke.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | January 8, 2009 3:18 PM
I've used coke to get near vaginas befor.... OHHHH you mean coca-cola.
nevermind.
Posted by: Geoff | January 8, 2009 3:28 PM
Actually I've found coca-cola works pretty well if you add vodka or rum to it first.
Posted by: Watchman | January 8, 2009 3:29 PM
I'd be more inclined to keep Dr. Pepper at arm's length.
Posted by: bunnycatch3r | January 8, 2009 3:29 PM
We joke about this but wait until Mississippi starts requiring this list to be stamped on their science textbooks.
Posted by: Steve Rumney | January 8, 2009 3:30 PM
I didn't get the reference in your title at first (I'm English) and I thought you were talking about cocaine. Until I read the article I thought "Women are trying to delay orgasm? We just can't bloody win!"
Posted by: Nangleator | January 8, 2009 3:31 PM
It could become the Vatican's new approved method of birth control.
Posted by: Marek | January 8, 2009 3:35 PM
sweet spaghetti monster. This is scary stuff!
Posted by: Alex | January 8, 2009 3:39 PM
Information = power.
Or in this case, disturbing mental imagery.
Posted by: SASnSA | January 8, 2009 3:39 PM
Now while I realize that Coke bottles have been used to replace the real real thing (evidence is on the internet if you really need to see it), I'd never really considered it might be used as a replacement for Summer's Eve or a "morning after" douche.
Hmm... putting a fluid containing sugar in a place that's already warm and moist (and letting it seep into areas that are difficult at best to clean) seems like a good way to get a bacterial infection.
Posted by: Sigmund | January 8, 2009 3:40 PM
Has anyone tried 7UP ?
Posted by: Alex | January 8, 2009 3:41 PM
2 girls, 1 coke bottle?
Posted by: 'Tis Himself | January 8, 2009 3:42 PM
Snopes, which has an entire section devoted to "cokelore," says that coke "has little or no spermacidal effect." The recommended use for Coke™ as a contraceptive "is to use it to wash down your daily birth control pills."
Posted by: Cruithne | January 8, 2009 3:43 PM
Has anyone tried 7UP ?
I hear Snow White may have given it a go.
Posted by: Patricia, OM | January 8, 2009 3:49 PM
You win PZ.
Posted by: Lilian Nattel | January 8, 2009 3:54 PM
I've heard of lots of weird birth control methods (as I told my kids, standing does not work!), but this one makes my nether regions cringe.
Posted by: Jeanette | January 8, 2009 3:55 PM
PZ, that was so funny you made Coke shoot out my... um... never mind.
Posted by: Watchman | January 8, 2009 3:59 PM
Cruithne @ #14 FTW!
Posted by: Longtime Lurker | January 8, 2009 4:00 PM
A little late to help Bristol and Levi.
Posted by: Nero Null | January 8, 2009 4:00 PM
Mountain Dewche?
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip | January 8, 2009 4:06 PM
I'm always getting mouths and vaginas confused,.
Posted by: The Science Pundit | January 8, 2009 4:10 PM
Ha ha! Did you know that Dr. Anderson actually won a 2008 ignobel for that research?
Posted by: eddie | January 8, 2009 4:13 PM
Mango juice makes a tasty lubricant.
Posted by: Alyson | January 8, 2009 4:13 PM
Does this still happen? If the blogger felt the need to post this entry, that would imply that this information still needs to be disseminated. I'd like to say people can't be THAT stupid anymore, but having grown up under a mother who worked at Planned Parenthood for many years, I know that they can in fact be much stupider.
Posted by: Rey Fox | January 8, 2009 4:13 PM
"Unfortunately, it's all the vaginas that are currently staying well away from my coke."
Me too. I'd stop keeping my cases under the bed, but I live in a studio and there's no other place to put them.
Posted by: natural cynic | January 8, 2009 4:17 PM
Coke really does work!!!
You just squeeze the bottle between your knees.
Posted by: eddie | January 8, 2009 4:18 PM
'disseminated' - *smirk*
Yes, people can be this stupid.
Posted by: BluesBassist | January 8, 2009 4:21 PM
9. Coke will make vazhin hang like sleeve of wizard's robe.
Posted by: Cath the Canberra Cook | January 8, 2009 4:39 PM
Yes, people can be this stupid. Especially when they get their sex education from ignorant peers behind the bicycle shed. Proper sex education matters.
Oh wait, do US schools even have bicycle sheds? Behind the bleachers, perhaps.
Posted by: Zeno | January 8, 2009 4:40 PM
I actually prefer Pepsi to Coke, since it pleases my sweet tooth more, but it doesn't appear to matter, since my vagina is missing! Hmm. Now where did I put it? It must be around her somewhere! Say, what's this ... ?
Oh.
Posted by: DGKnipfer | January 8, 2009 4:41 PM
@26
Damn. You beat me to it.
Posted by: Ragutis | January 8, 2009 4:41 PM
Then what are those cups in that sidebar ad for?
Posted by: strangest brew | January 8, 2009 4:44 PM
Slightly off topic...
I worked as a line cook for a Mexican restaurant...one afternoon one of my many minions decided to attend the ladies as a matter of some urgency.....she had been salsa preping with red chillies...she neglected to wash the mits before the resolution... which subsequently was revealed to be a matter of sanitary hygiene ...I can still here the screams when I close my eyes ;-)
Posted by: yorktank | January 8, 2009 4:45 PM
I'm not sure how I survived to adulthood without Pharyngula to guide me...
Posted by: Mu | January 8, 2009 4:46 PM
Old joke:
Parishioner to Pastor: "Is there a church approved method of birth control?"
Pastor: "Of course - lemonade."
Parishioner: "Before or after?"
Pastor: "instead"
I never thought of other than oral applications before.
Posted by: Blondin | January 8, 2009 4:53 PM
Fortunately there are tireless heros out there who do this kind of research so you don't have to.
Next week: vegetables and your anus.
Posted by: mayhenpix | January 8, 2009 5:02 PM
And all this time I had bought into the slogan "Things Go Better With Coke".
Posted by: ggab | January 8, 2009 5:06 PM
Zeno
"actually prefer Pepsi to Coke, since it pleases my sweet tooth"
Seems like your taking the long way. To the tooth I mean.
Blondin
"Next week: vegetables and your anus."
Next week: vegetables and Uranus.
Made it sound more sciency.
Posted by: Jonsi | January 8, 2009 5:09 PM
So this is why I'm not getting any action. I drink coke zero.
Posted by: Aseem | January 8, 2009 5:10 PM
What about Mountain Dew? Carbon dating reveals that Mountain Dew is the best soda ever made! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TthHltjrvA
Posted by: Whatevermachine | January 8, 2009 5:12 PM
This is a good idea for a post, actually, because one of my friends still believes coke is good for douching. She believes all kinds of other things, too, like you can tell if someone's a virgin by looking at their face. People can be very naive.
Posted by: Heinz P | January 8, 2009 5:12 PM
I wonder when the FDA will force the soft drink industry to include warnings not to use said drink as birth control?
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip | January 8, 2009 5:20 PM
Coke won't stop you from becoming pregnant, but rum and Coke often lead to the opposite.
Posted by: E.V. | January 8, 2009 5:33 PM
I can't believe no one suggested "Squirt."
Only because we all know about the magical properties of grapefruit...
Posted by: mayhempix | January 8, 2009 5:38 PM
When I was in college I had a girlfriend who had heard that Coke was a great clitoral stimulate and was determined to give it try. I voiced my skepticism but she insisted and proceeded to apply some on her coffee bean in my presence with visions of erotic fireworks.
As we proceeded to explore various amorous activities I asked her if she could feel any difference. She pulled back eyes wide and blurted out "I can't feel anything anymore!". It was at that moment I could feel the numbness growing on my tounge.
I still laugh when I remember the look on her face.
Posted by: mayhempix | January 8, 2009 5:42 PM
spelling police:
"tongue"
Posted by: Moggie | January 8, 2009 5:54 PM
#36:
Tsk, once again science tries to encroach on religion's domain.
Posted by: David Utidjian | January 8, 2009 6:04 PM
#47
Moggie wins teh internets!
-DU-
Posted by: ema | January 8, 2009 6:05 PM
The Science Pundit,
Turns out Prof. Anderson wrote the f/u article because she was concerned that, with all the publicity about her winning the prize, some people might actually think Coke is a valid bc method. Bwahahaha.
Posted by: SASnSA | January 8, 2009 6:28 PM
Try going to the bathroom after chopping habanero peppers. For a guy it can be better than Viagra. I doubt though that any woman that came into contact with it would appreciate it as much, considering the sensitivity of that part, so you're probably better off not trying it.Posted by: Elwood | January 8, 2009 6:41 PM
so THAT'S what the sexy straight-laced Melbourne newsreader and the fossil-fuelled rockstar were doing....
Now it makes perfect sense
Posted by: eddie | January 8, 2009 7:27 PM
Re MartinM @97 -
First they came for the neo-platonists...
Posted by: eddie | January 8, 2009 7:37 PM
Ooops, sorry. Opera Mini is not any substitute for a real browser.
Posted by: Somnolent Aphid | January 8, 2009 7:50 PM
Oh Please, we expect better tripe than this from our favorite blogger. Now if an ID/Creationist found a new life form in a bottle of coke. That would be something to blog about. Or some self-replicating molecules of some sort. hmmm. On the other hand @#20 might have made it all worth it. Carry on.
Posted by: Lynnai | January 8, 2009 8:11 PM
Coke really does work!!!
You just squeeze the bottle between your knees.
My Mother used to say soemthing simmilar about an asprin.... and ya know, if you really want to you can work around that with good effects.
Posted by: DLC | January 8, 2009 8:15 PM
There's a whole page of coke myths out there.
Oh, and the TV show "Mythbusters" did a segment on sodapop as spermicide. They added generic cola drink to sperm samples and counted the motile sperm. Turns out the cola drink was worse than the sterile saline solution they used as a control.
I note however that they did not blind the test, and so there's a mark against them. but then... it's television, and I don't expect too much.
Posted by: William Gulvin | January 8, 2009 8:44 PM
I'm surprised no one has yet mentioned the good ole Fugs who rhapsodized about the virtues of Coke over 40 years ago (NSFW!!!): http://tinyurl.com/ayqr79
Back in hippie times, we used it as a backstop for when the Saran Wrap™ failed: http://tinyurl.com/98m82v
The way it was supposed to work, one would pop the cap of a warm bottle of Coke, put your thumb over the top, give it a quick shake, then plug it in and let the "foaming action" do the job. This was before there were Mentos. I never trusted it, and I sure was glad I wasn't a girl!
Posted by: sparkomatic | January 8, 2009 10:25 PM
Wow. I am perpetually astounded at these things which just never would have occurred to me...I must not be hanging out with the right crowd.
Posted by: 'Licia | January 8, 2009 10:53 PM
I agree with #29 Cath the C.C.
The idea of coke as birth control is completely stupid but this was a popular notion back in the day when sex education in some areas was laughable (kinda like today) and abortions weren't an option.
Posted by: New Phobia | January 8, 2009 11:00 PM
#55 As long as one can bend over, that doesn't work...
I've never been a big fan of soda. Now I've got a picture in my mind that should scar me for life. Thanks in advance for the fewer cavities and health problems.
Posted by: CataractBob | January 8, 2009 11:10 PM
#47 Moggie wasn't kidding.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1876886.ece
Posted by: Zeno | January 8, 2009 11:21 PM
My health science instructor in junior college (about forty years ago) actually lectured on the Coke douche in class. While we grimaced and squirmed in our seats, he calmly described popping the bottle cap, using the thumb to keep the bottle sealed while shaking vigorously, and then inserting the bottle for some fizzy lavage of the vaginal passage. Now do take some care, girls, because the bottle is made out of glass, you know!
We all wanted to die. The health sci instructor, by the way, was also the head of our PE department, where he undoubtedly lectured the men's sports teams on noncarbonated precious bodily fluids.
Posted by: ndt | January 8, 2009 11:25 PM
I actually heard about this in college. The student government (then called Community Council) put out a publication every year of helpful tips for incoming freshmen, including information about birth control. Douching with Coke was listed under "methods that don't work" (along with jumping up and down after sex).
Posted by: alicia-logic | January 8, 2009 11:28 PM
Odd that they completely failed to mention the greatest risk of Coka-cola douching: vagina dentata cavities
Posted by: John C. Randolph | January 9, 2009 1:02 AM
I've heard about this, but I always filed it as an urban legend. Has anyone actually tried using soda for birth control? I'm talking documented cases, not "I heard about some chick in my cousin's high school tried it."
-jcr
Posted by: donna | January 9, 2009 1:09 AM
Well, duh. Everyone knows that THINGS go better with coke!
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | January 9, 2009 1:20 AM
I'm with you donna.
Posted by: clinteas | January 9, 2009 2:05 AM
Im with the naked bunny here,mouths,vaginas,who can keep up??
As to Mountain Dew,there's evidence of its application for birth control available on G images,if one g'd it with the filter off....Just sayin'.
NSFW and all LOL
Posted by: Lotus | January 9, 2009 5:49 AM
Honestly, who could ever think that was a good idea?
Posted by: Jackie | January 9, 2009 9:19 AM
Never planned on putting coke anywhere near my vagina, but thanks for the extra incentive to stick to that plan.
Posted by: Tex | January 11, 2009 4:10 PM
You are doing it wrong. To be really effective (and pretty spectacular, I'm sure) you need to insert a Mentos, too.
Posted by: Crystal D. | January 11, 2009 7:29 PM
Shoot, thanks for tellin' me!
No wonders I gots 10 kids.