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« It must be tough to be an atheist in Texas | Main | Friday Cephalopod: Number Six »
Category: Weirdness
Posted on: February 5, 2009 5:49 PM, by PZ Myers
I was just sent this slightly retouched photo of Titanoboa, and it bothers me. There's something missing.
No, not a caption, although that might help. What it really needs is…a second panel! What will happen in this scene just a few minutes later? I can picture it in my mind's eye, no problem.
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Comments
Posted by: PZ Myers
|
February 5, 2009 5:54 PM
It's OK. It would be a sacrament, you know.
Posted by: Wowbagger | February 5, 2009 5:55 PM
How about: Got Jesus?
Posted by: Crispin | February 5, 2009 5:56 PM
Something along the lines of "Take of this and eat, for it is the body of Chirist which is broken for you" as a caption to the snake swallowing whole :)
Posted by: Badjuggler | February 5, 2009 5:56 PM
Jebus: The Other White Meat.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | February 5, 2009 5:56 PM
You'd just see a huge snake with a slight lump in the middle. Rather anti-climactic.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Posted by: Crystal D. | February 5, 2009 5:57 PM
In the second panel, the snake thanks him for informing him about christianity, and starts to slither toward his local church.
Posted by: Lsuoma | February 5, 2009 6:00 PM
Bad snake! No apple for you!!!
Posted by: mothra | February 5, 2009 6:04 PM
must. . .free. . .hands. . .to. . .pray.
Posted by: George | February 5, 2009 6:06 PM
The most disturbing aspect is that Jesus has to hold his pants (robe) up. Oh wait, that's what you meant was going to happen in the next panel...
Posted by: CJO | February 5, 2009 6:12 PM
I CAN HAZ MAN-CRACKER?
NOM NOM NOM
Posted by: Greta Christina | February 5, 2009 6:15 PM
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."
Erp.
Posted by: Cruithne | February 5, 2009 6:17 PM
I think Jebus is saying "you might think you're the biggest snake on the planet but just wait till you see some of my followers"
Posted by: Igor | February 5, 2009 6:21 PM
Obviously the snake is the biblical snake from Genesis. It would be more appropriate to set Adam and Eve there.
Posted by: Levi in NY | February 5, 2009 6:24 PM
Second panel: Jesus runs away from the snake, over the water of course, periodically picking up fish and hurling them back at the snake as each one instantly turns into hundreds of fish in mid-air, attempting to quell the snake's appetite.
Third panel: With his gaze still behind him on the snake, he unknowingly reaches the opposite shore and trips over another Titanoboa, which promptly devours him.
Posted by: Sam | February 5, 2009 6:24 PM
Delicious Jesus is delicious.
Posted by: Burning Umbrella | February 5, 2009 6:24 PM
'S OK, mr. Snake. Show me on the doll where this "savior" touched you.
Posted by: Wowbagger | February 5, 2009 6:25 PM
How about in the second panel there's no sign of Jesus but there is a very lumpy snake - and it's talking to the crocodile-looking thing and asks it, 'Hey - do you think this lump looks like Jesus?'
Posted by: DGKnipfer | February 5, 2009 6:25 PM
Jesus standing next to a telephone pole? I mean, you would get one hell of a big stick from that transmutation.
Sorry, I just couldn't stop myself.
Posted by: mr.ed | February 5, 2009 6:25 PM
This will be the first guy who finds that you can't run fast enough in baggy clothing.
Posted by: Carl Buell | February 5, 2009 6:27 PM
The original "photo" is an amazing piece of PhotoShop work. Do yourself a favor and take a close look at it. http://www.newswise.com/images/uploads/2009/01/30/fullsize/giant_snake_illustr_flat_1.jpg
Posted by: Ferrous Patella | February 5, 2009 6:28 PM
Why is it I keep hearing Shel Silverstein's voice in my head?
Posted by: Holbach | February 5, 2009 6:30 PM
Snake muttering, in obvious distress, "must shit this thing out before it poisons me".
Posted by: Rich Lawler | February 5, 2009 6:31 PM
I would hope the next panel is Jesus walking around Burning Man with that Constrictor wrapped around him. He'd be chatting up the ladies and doing fairly entry-level miracles like turning alkali sand into Red Bull, and re-inflating the tires--with his mind--on that crazy-ass roadster full of drag queens.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | February 5, 2009 6:32 PM
OH this explains it.
I did see jesus once.
But it was in Yellowstone, the snake was a bison and Jesus was a fat tourist in shorts, a strange hat and was from Ohio.
Same result essentially.
Moral of the story: Jesus or not, listen to the park rangers and don't fuck with the wildlife.
Posted by: gb | February 5, 2009 6:37 PM
Second panel: Consumption
The snake is alone in the wilderness
Third panel: The resurrection
3 days after eating a JZ (Jay-Zee) burger the snake feels like eating again
Posted by: Burning Umbrella | February 5, 2009 6:38 PM
Moral of the story: Jesus or not, listen to the park rangers and don't fuck with the wildlife.
And should this be interpreted literally or metaphorically?
Posted by: Holbach | February 5, 2009 6:39 PM
Carl Buell @ 20
Thanks for that photo; quite impressive. And to think that the time, location and denizens actually existed as depicted! And all without the god bullshit.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | February 5, 2009 6:40 PM
Well if you'd like to remain up right and well, alive. Both.
Posted by: Buzz | February 5, 2009 6:42 PM
I was thinking that dude has no shadow.
Posted by: Miles | February 5, 2009 6:43 PM
Nono - remove jesus, and make Noah trying to coax it on to his ark
Posted by: William | February 5, 2009 6:44 PM
Oh, come. The second panel would have Chuck Norris standing over a dead snake, shaking Jebus' hand.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | February 5, 2009 6:46 PM
I vote banhammer for william for that comment.
;)
Posted by: LisaJ | February 5, 2009 6:46 PM
I think you're all missing what's really going on here.
Panel 1:
jebus to the snake: "Come on, please, please let me pet you. Just one quick 5 second stroke. I created you, you know!"
snake to jebus: "Back off buddy. You better get out of here fast, you've really done it now."
Panel 2:
Having overheard jebus proclaiming his apparent omnipotent creative abilities, which they logically know are ignorant and false and are therefore now filled with unspeakable rage, the crocodile and turtle come form behind and tag team jesus for dinner.
Posted by: GMacs | February 5, 2009 6:46 PM
"You think THAT'S a big snake?"
Second panel: robes drop
Posted by: pwl
|
February 5, 2009 6:47 PM
Yum, a Jesus Wafer! Yum, the body of Christ! Tasty human.
WOWO Obama Just Crossed the Line that Separates State and Crutch:
White House to expand faith-based initiatives
By Andrew Ward in Washington
Barack Obama announced on Thursday an expansion of federal support for faith-based initiatives and community organisations, calling them a “force for good greater than government”.
http://news.google.ca/news?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&tab=wn&ncl=1301239877
Posted by: Blind | February 5, 2009 6:48 PM
quoth the big catlick snake at the communion rail " In nomine patri et filli et spiritu sancti, Corpus Christi" )
Posted by: LisaJ | February 5, 2009 6:49 PM
GMacs: hilarious! I'm currently laughing my ass off at your comment.
Posted by: Yasic | February 5, 2009 6:51 PM
I suggest we take a more 'Creation Museum' Approach:
Second Panel- Jesus riding the snake on a saddle!
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | February 5, 2009 6:53 PM
In panel two Jesus is replace by the administration of Brookeland High School.
Posted by: ssssssss | February 5, 2009 7:01 PM
hey, atheists! Wake up!
Posted by: eddie | February 5, 2009 7:03 PM
I CAN HAZ JEEZBURGER!
Apologies to #10 but more haste less speed.
I see a partiallyclips strip with three panels:
1st - Jeezus - "Get behind me, foul beast of..."
Snake - "Hey J! Are you enjoying the evo/creo debates on the web?"
2nd - J - "Not really. If it isn't the nails, it's all the nutjobs threatening violence in the name of peace."
3rd - S - "How d'you think I feel? I used to be a brontosaurus."
Posted by: ssssssstan | February 5, 2009 7:03 PM
hey, you atheists come across a mutation that adds a new structure?.....even a tiny piece of new gross anatomy?
Posted by: Dr. Bryan Grieg Fry | February 5, 2009 7:04 PM
Two frame photo: with the next frame showing a very large snake contently basking with an appropriately sized bulge mid-body :-D
Posted by: gb | February 5, 2009 7:04 PM
Clearly it is obvious that this is the second station of the Titanoboa.
Stations of the Titanoboa
1. JZ is condemned to death
2. JZ receives the Titanaboa
3. JZ is squeezed the first time
4. JZ meets His Maker
5. Simon of Palaeocene comforts Titanoboa
6. Veronica wipes neotropic sweat from JZ with her veil
7. JZ is squeezed the second time
8. JZ meets the 3 coils of hypoxia
9. JZ is squeezed the third time
10. JZ is squeezed out of His garments
11. Crux of it: Jesus is swallowed by the Titanoboa
12. JZ dies in the Titanboboa
13. JZ' body is removed from the Titanoboa (Deposition or Excretion)
14. JZ is laid in the tomb and covered in incense.
15. 3 days later Titanoboa is hungry again.
Posted by: Shane | February 5, 2009 7:05 PM
Here's mine. Warning: pixellated nudity.
http://img3.imageshack.us/my.php?image=jesussnakevd5.jpg
Posted by: steelstringed
|
February 5, 2009 7:06 PM
Second Panel.
Posted by: Dr. Bryan Grieg Fry | February 5, 2009 7:06 PM
- Jebus: The Other White Meat.
thank you thank you thank you thank you
that absolutely made my morning! :D :D :D :D
Posted by: JCD | February 5, 2009 7:08 PM
I wonder if the snake knew about the Christian Cobra Coalition? Non-cobras could join prior to 60 mya.
Posted by: AnthonyK
|
February 5, 2009 7:08 PM
"Fuck me, you're a big symbol"
Posted by: steelstringed
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February 5, 2009 7:08 PM
Whoops.
Posted by: steelstringed
|
February 5, 2009 7:10 PM
Hmm.. it seems I am new to posting comments and my html isn't working to post my link to the panel I made..
Posted by: steelstringed
|
February 5, 2009 7:13 PM
Let's just try copy and paste.
http://i449.photobucket.com/albums/qq216/thewillsound/titanoboaeatsjesus.jpg
Posted by: Wowbagger | February 5, 2009 7:13 PM
Lumpy snake with a thought bubble: 'Hang on, I'm Jewish - is Jesus kosher? Damn, I wish I had opposable thumbs to work a phone so I could call the Rabbi...'
Posted by: Holbach | February 5, 2009 7:13 PM
stan @ 51
There is a big snake that wants to meet you and put the fear of jeebus into you. Just give him a nice pat on the head. Schloop!
Posted by: qc | February 5, 2009 7:13 PM
Only Christians think that Jebus was white.
;)
Posted by: eddie | February 5, 2009 7:14 PM
Yes, of course. Double apologies to Rob Balder.
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
|
February 5, 2009 7:15 PM
Yawn, time for the tin foil hat.
Posted by: gb | February 5, 2009 7:20 PM
Stan at ~#51
You won't find many darwinists here. I think the last of them died out 100 years ago or so. What you may find is a number of individuals who recognize the fact that evolution is a on-going work involving contributions by a great many men and women who are not mentally stuck 150 years in the past.
Posted by: sssssssssssssssssssssssssss | February 5, 2009 7:20 PM
hey evos -- where exactly are those mutations that create new structures or new parts to existing structures? In your sphincter?
Posted by: LwPhD | February 5, 2009 7:21 PM
@Cruithne, #12:
When reading your comment, I jumped to this conclusion:
"you might think you're the biggest snake on the planet but just wait till you see what's under this robe"
Posted by: Inky | February 5, 2009 7:21 PM
Panel 2:
Jesus drops his robe to reveal his full glory, Snake gets ready for some lovin'.
Alternative Panel 2:
Jesus turns the snake into a GIANT biscotti to go with his wine.
Posted by: Dahan | February 5, 2009 7:22 PM
Stan,
I use to have high blood pressure. Never as bad as you apparently have, but bad enough. I'm on medication and it's helped immensely. I would suggest you do the same. Perhaps some anger-management classes as well. They can do wonders, I've heard. When you've finished that, take some remedial science classes at your local college and then come back and talk to us. We'll be looking forward to it!
My take on the pic: Jesus makes his saving throw and casts a fireball.
Posted by: zaardvark | February 5, 2009 7:24 PM
http://i39.tinypic.com/de4hoy.jpg
Posted by: AnthonyK
|
February 5, 2009 7:25 PM
Why there you are!
Posted by: hawkesy
|
February 5, 2009 7:26 PM
Hey ssssssssss,
Yes, that's where we keep them.. Or, you could always go out and try to find out for yourself of asking to be spoon-fed. You know, use your brain, find evidence, make your mind up.. It makes perfect sense how you ended up in your current sad state.
Posted by: Faid | February 5, 2009 7:26 PM
Nice work on the second panel! Although I think the 'strip' works better with just the lump on the snake's belly.
...
Alternatively: Stan appears in the guise of a giant Troll and devours both.
Posted by: Jeeves | February 5, 2009 7:27 PM
Instead of Jesus, why not Bill Donahue or Fred Phelps or James Dobson or Pat Robertson?
Posted by: GMacs | February 5, 2009 7:28 PM
Hm, I hear hissing. But it's not a snake.
I think it's a hydra-like sockpuppet. And it appears to be of the variety that trolls.
Omigad! We should have the hydra-puppet-troll fight Titanoboa! Epic battle of the creepy reptilians!
My bet is on Titanoboa.
Posted by: Faid | February 5, 2009 7:30 PM
"Mutations for new parts and structures"... Hmm. Supersport, is that you?
Posted by: JD | February 5, 2009 7:30 PM
sssssssssssss: They're about to be in Titanoboa's sphincter.
Posted by: Pauline in UK | February 5, 2009 7:30 PM
Snake: Mmm... lunch!
Posted by: Dahan | February 5, 2009 7:32 PM
Stan,
Well, you've once again made incorrect assumptions. Even when I was in the Marines in my late 20's and running 4 to 6 miles a day my BP ran fast. Thanks for the advice though.
Posted by: davem | February 5, 2009 7:32 PM
Jebus: "You lie just under the water, I'll walk along your back, and we can do that walking on water trick. They'll be talking about this for years."
Snake: "OK, sssssoundsssss like fun".
(Jebus walks on water before the 5,000, who start feeling hungry).
Jebus: "I need to feed 5,000 people". Hm (looking at snake), I wonder if"...
Snake: "I've just remembered about that sssslithering busssssinessssss your father did to me in the Garden of Eden. Nom nom nom, Burp!... hmmmm, tasty, Jebus was my sweet Lord".
(Jesus doesn't have time even to get cross)...
Snake to Crocodile. "I'm no longer hungry; Jebus was your saviour".
Posted by: hawkesy
|
February 5, 2009 7:33 PM
There you go Stan, tuck in.
Posted by: Tanystropheus | February 5, 2009 7:33 PM
"And lo! Our savior hath satisfied another hunger."
Posted by: Jeff | February 5, 2009 7:33 PM
Jesus is perfectly safe. That's a pre-fall snake, so instead of being a predator, it lives on love and rainbows.
and Stan... going out of your way to lash out at others for understanding that some of your beliefs are mistaken is no way to grow as a person. You could learn things from the people here, but instead you just babble.
Posted by: hawkesy
|
February 5, 2009 7:35 PM
Stan - here is your link, as requested.
http://myxo.css.msu.edu/ecoli/
Posted by: NateL | February 5, 2009 7:35 PM
Do you're own research dickwad... it really ain't that hard.
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
|
February 5, 2009 7:35 PM
Stan, it is up to you to prove your theory. Put it out there in the scientific literature for all to admire, or maybe get a real dose of how pathetic your piddly idea is. Methinks the tin man has no balls for real science. You are hereby challenged to write the paper or shut up.
Posted by: stoat100 | February 5, 2009 7:37 PM
I suspect a very ill-advised bit of snake-handling...
Posted by: AnthonyK
|
February 5, 2009 7:38 PM
Congatulations, Stan, on discovering how science is done, opinions properly expressed, and theories approved.
We find generally that shouting and insults have discovered far more than contemplation and rigourous testing.
I mean Isaac "fuck off you agravitational sphincters" Newton, and Charles "are you looking at my wife creationist dumbfuck" Darwin did not succeed as they did by reasoned argument, in the right place, and with a knowledge whereof they spoke; no siree, it was a quick kick in the testicles, the yelled epithet we here on pharyngula no longer use (alas!) and science did its work.
You seem like a reasonable cove, with interesting ideas we would love to hear, so please carry on, we are all ears.
But remember, being well-spoken atheists, we are not at home to Mr Shit-for-Brains.
You were saying?
Posted by: hawkesy
|
February 5, 2009 7:39 PM
Ok, I'll just run through 40,000 generations of Zebra for you. I'll get back to you in 200,000 years. Do you mind waiting?
Posted by: JimNorth | February 5, 2009 7:39 PM
Second Panel: Jebus and snake posing as a black version of the Michelin Man.
Posted by: Rey Fox | February 5, 2009 7:39 PM
"has anyone got a link you can give me of science testing natural selection (in a controlled setting) in animals and validating that it can adapt their populations genetically?"
Not until you jump into the sea and evolve gills. We've been over this, stanster.
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
|
February 5, 2009 7:40 PM
Stan, how is your experiment of you growing gills by jumping off a boat into deep water with a few concrete blocks tied to your feet coming? You should have had some results by now.
Posted by: hawkesy
|
February 5, 2009 7:44 PM
I hope someone is looking after you Stan. How do you survive each day with a brain like that? It must be so difficult for you.
Posted by: Faid | February 5, 2009 7:44 PM
JZ: "Hey, um, you know you guys were vegeterian before the Fall? It's true! Hey, maybe you should, like, try it? I mean come on you need to lay off the junk prey, you know, you're gonna get THIS thick! And, um..."
TB: "Look man, I ain't gonna eat you. I just had breakfast and I'm stuffed".
JZ: "...Oh".
TB: "Save it for the Crocodilomorph behind you".
JZ: "Whaaa"? *chomp*
Posted by: AnthonyK
|
February 5, 2009 7:45 PM
Now tell us, have you been sucking the dick of Mr Ethanol, Stanley?
Posted by: JD | February 5, 2009 7:47 PM
Stannley: The distribution of beneficial effects at a gene has the same mean regardless of the fitness of the present wild-type allele. Adaptation from new mutations is thus characterized by a kind of invariance: natural selection chooses from the same spectrum of beneficial effects at a locus independent of the fitness rank of the present wild type.
Posted by: Wowbagger | February 5, 2009 7:48 PM
I think it's time PZ gave some other posters the authority to ban certain people and delete their posts - but only those habitual offenders who appear on pre-approved list, of course. If he made sure that he covered all the timezones there'd be no chance a moronic turd like Stan would get the attention his tiny brain demands.
Until then, don't feed the troll. Apart from anything else, when PZ does delete him it's going to put the post numbering completely out of whack.
Posted by: PZ Myers
|
February 5, 2009 7:51 PM
Please stop encouraging Stan. His comments will be deleted as I find them.
Posted by: hawkesy
|
February 5, 2009 7:52 PM
Stan, I am assuming that you are a troll.
There is plenty of evidence, but whatever you are generously offered you will discard, as it doesn't fit your increasingly tight criteria. Eventually, when you have so many exceptions that you are effectively denying reality, it will dawn on you. Until then, we just have to be patient and put up with your all too common variety of ignorance.
Posted by: Janine, Ignorant Slut | February 5, 2009 7:54 PM
Snake: Oh shit! This will not end well for me.
Posted by: Wowbagger | February 5, 2009 7:54 PM
Sorry to presume you'd gone to bed PZ, or had other things (baby-eating, for example) to do and weren't aware of the troll crapping all over the place.
Posted by: zaardvark | February 5, 2009 7:54 PM
Did nobody like my panel :(? post #63
I spent 3 minutes on it!
Posted by: hawkesy
|
February 5, 2009 7:54 PM
Can you please delete my replies to Stan as well? I shouldn't bite, but sometimes I can't resist..
Posted by: AnthonyK
|
February 5, 2009 7:55 PM
Stanley it really is lovely to have you with us. We're sorry to hear your wife is ahagging other men, largely on account of your own homosexualtiy and inability to perform, and as Pharyngula operates very much as a counselling service for the terminally inadequate, we'd love to help. So please relax, pour yourself another whisky, and just let us know what the matter is. We're all ears.
Posted by: Zorpheous | February 5, 2009 7:57 PM
Shouldn't it be like, you know, Adam and Eve in the picture and the old snake offering them a apple?
Posted by: JD | February 5, 2009 8:00 PM
I miss stupid Stan.
Posted by: NewEnglandBob
|
February 5, 2009 8:00 PM
The next panel would be the credits following:
This fantasy was brought to you by Disney. No real snakes were harmed in the making of this film. The actor who plays the fictitious Jesus was also not harmed.
Posted by: AnthonyK
|
February 5, 2009 8:03 PM
re @63,95
That's lovely darling!
(Sorry, getting all sarcastic. It's Stan's fault. And your picture was good)
Posted by: steelstringed
|
February 5, 2009 8:03 PM
@ zaardvark: I saw your panel, and it definitely steals the laugh away from my attempt on post #52 :) Superpowers Jesus ftw!
Posted by: Lee Picton | February 5, 2009 8:07 PM
PZ, Is there some way you can delete the contents of scurrilous posts and leave the numbering system intact? Or replace the content with "This post has been deleted"? That would save a lot of confusion.
Posted by: Heraclides | February 5, 2009 8:09 PM
@72: Dahan,
Marines only run 4-6 miles a day? Perhaps with packs on? Wouldn't a lot of "Joe Average joggers do that? (In my long distance running days I averaged about 10-12 miles a day. 4-6 miles were my "short" days, 16-20 for the long ones.) Not trying to put myself up, just a bit surprised. There must be a wrinkle I'm missing like carrying full kit + packs wearing boots, or whatever.
Posted by: ArchangelChuck
|
February 5, 2009 8:29 PM
PZ, you already have the second panel. See your original post on the Titanoboa. ;)
Posted by: Mostlyharmless | February 5, 2009 8:36 PM
Is anyone else really disturbed by the scale implications of Jesus Vs Giant ass snake?
Posted by: AnthonyK
|
February 5, 2009 8:40 PM
Yws, I thought it was only the Beatles who were bigger than Jesus.
Posted by: salon_1928 | February 5, 2009 8:41 PM
I think the crocodile should join in. Too bad Homo sapiens don't have wishbones!
Posted by: llewelly | February 5, 2009 8:42 PM
Wait a minute. Bestiality doesn't violate celibacy? Well, that's news to me, but it sure fits with the news that saddlebacking doesn't violate abstinence. If Jesus says it's ok, it must be ok. I'm sure he knows his business.Posted by: deang | February 5, 2009 8:45 PM
If you'd superimposed a representation of Abraham, you could have nailed three religions at one go. But I can't think of a readily recognizable image of that guy.
Posted by: ArchangelChuck
|
February 5, 2009 8:46 PM
Whoops. Just one edit I would make to create a second panel.
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c43/lneely/titanoboa.jpg
Posted by: Twin-Skies | February 5, 2009 8:57 PM
If the Jesus there was Chinese, the next panel would show the poor snake beheaded, and Jeebus dicing it up into chunks before stir-frying 'em in a wok with salt, pepper, and garlic.
They taste like chicken.
Posted by: Wowbagger | February 5, 2009 9:08 PM
Archangel Chuck, #111
Nice pic - how about you add an easily-seen halo to both the original pic and also one above the lump in the snake where you would imagine JC's head to be? I think that'd be extra hilarious.
Posted by: Helioprogenus | February 5, 2009 9:12 PM
What's this color blind bearded anglo-saxon doing in the steamy tertiary equitorial swamps of the southern continent in the western hemisphere?
As far as mormons are concerned, wasn't this chap supposed to have landed in North America a few millenia ago? Is he really a time-and-space travelling alien? Or did he get his coordinates wrong?
How many of this colorblind dude's followers could this snake eat before it got indigestion?
Too bad they didn't have a population of these serpents in the Palestine of 2 millenia ago. There are at least 12 other jews these serpents should have had for breakfast as well. Why stop with them though, there are plenty of tasty mindless morons that could make quite a feast.
Posted by: don kane | February 5, 2009 9:15 PM
Are the sizes right? or were humans also bigger 40 million years ago?
(Actually, weren't we little things up in the canopy back then?)
(Awww, the good times....)
Posted by: direct links please | February 5, 2009 9:21 PM
direct link for Shane's pic (#45):
http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/9468/jesussnakevd5.jpg
Posted by: Tommykey | February 5, 2009 9:50 PM
Apologies if someone above already mentioned it, but I'm picturing the scene from Anaconda where the giant snake spits out Jon Voight.
Posted by: Azkyroth | February 5, 2009 9:51 PM
Hey creo troll - why exactly are you so interested in our asses, hmm? ;)
Posted by: AnthonyK
|
February 5, 2009 9:51 PM
hmmm...nice pics. It reminds me of the T-shirt I most regretted not buying, at the Glastonbury festival 20 years ago. It was large, and very lurid, and featured Christ on the cross being sucked off by a centurion - the agony and the ecstacy, as it were. It seemed in rather poor taste to me then, and I couldn't see myself ever wearing it. I think I missed the point, as well as the purchase.
Posted by: frog | February 5, 2009 9:57 PM
I'm so confused. The snake is a traditional symbol of resurrection and renewal; so is JC, which is why some early Christians believed that Jesus was the snake in the garden.
So if the snakes eats Jesus, and then sloughs off its skin -- does the skin come back to life? Does the snake just collapse into a singularity of over-dense metaphor? Does he fall on top of Moses in the desert and get converted into a cracker?
Posted by: frog | February 5, 2009 9:59 PM
And which one has the orgasm?
Posted by: Feshy | February 5, 2009 10:05 PM
Panel two, a lumpy snake with this caption:
How strange... he tasted vaguely like styrofoam. I've got to find some grape juice to wash this down with.
Posted by: steelstringed
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February 5, 2009 10:14 PM
This should be Jesus' speech-bubble for Shane's second panel in #45: "Take, eat; this is my body." (Matt. 26:26)
Posted by: Stardrake | February 5, 2009 10:23 PM
SFX cue:
BUUUURRRPP!!!
Posted by: vivian | February 5, 2009 10:28 PM
is this a picture of evolution? jesus came from a snake?
Posted by: Terry | February 5, 2009 10:39 PM
Gen 3:1 "Now the serpent was more crafty [*] than any other wild animal that the Lord God had made."
[*] Some manuscripts add: "and biggest-ass wild animal"
Posted by: LMR | February 5, 2009 10:44 PM
steelstringed @ #52
One small change. Snakes eat prey head-first. We should see those oil-annointed feet instead.
Posted by: Diego | February 5, 2009 10:51 PM
"Photo"?!? So that's where -- I mean, "when"--Doc Brown went!
Posted by: Nurse Ingrid | February 5, 2009 11:18 PM
"My drawing was not a drawing of a hat. It was a drawing of a boa constrictor digesting our Lord and Savior."
Posted by: Aaron | February 5, 2009 11:21 PM
Jesus drops his robes to reveal his own humongous snake?
Posted by: Herpetology is not!!!! the study of herpes | February 5, 2009 11:25 PM
Well He did say "eat of my flesh..."
Posted by: Aaron | February 5, 2009 11:25 PM
#129
What a fine book. Glad to see others are familiar with it.
Posted by: Stu
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February 5, 2009 11:34 PM
"And I shall call you Lunch."
"Hello, Lunch!"
I have to admit, Yehova is catchier.
Posted by: JoeB | February 5, 2009 11:36 PM
Isn't that Amazonian native kind of over dressed for 100+ deg. F. heat? If the average temperature was 90+, imagine the typical afternoon temps.
Posted by: Kevin | February 5, 2009 11:39 PM
Christ fornicates with a snake!??
Egahd man have you no shame!?
besides, per heeddle, Christ did NOT give instruct to the snake before it seduced and raped Eve in order to turn her against the "early Bob Dole Syndrome" Adam.
That was God's first choice to lead his flock of angels.. dodos, er whoever he was hanging out with. OK?
Posted by: Jimminy Christmas | February 5, 2009 11:45 PM
!uote:
"Hey Satan, hook a brother up!"
Posted by: Mike B | February 6, 2009 12:12 AM
It's midnight and I think I bust a gut on a few of those first replies. Brilliant! I vote for Badjuggler.
Posted by: Savage | February 6, 2009 12:30 AM
Now I know why I have never seen Jesus; he bcame snake food 60 million years ago!
Posted by: perturbed | February 6, 2009 1:01 AM
"Jesus and Titanoboa - because some Christians can accept that the Earth is older than seven thousand years."
Posted by: rufustfirefly | February 6, 2009 1:14 AM
The serpent in the Garden of Eden, explaining evolution to Adam and Eve (Adam and Steve?), then they turn their backs on the idea of a creator.
Posted by: sparkomatic | February 6, 2009 1:32 AM
@132
"You are responsible for what you tame..."
Posted by: Patricia, OM | February 6, 2009 1:35 AM
AnthonyK - Most excellent day/night of comments. I hope I'll remember this come Molly time.
But in case I don't - please accept 15 ducats added to your bar tab, a free roll in the gutter with the hogs, and two extra minutes at the spanking couch.
Posted by: decius | February 6, 2009 2:12 AM
The presence of a river would suggest baptism in the second panel, wouldn't it?
Posted by: Canuck | February 6, 2009 3:58 AM
Clearly, it's a halo that's missing. Otherwise it's just some bearded dude. But the creotards would like having a man in there with dinosaurs, seeing as they did live at the same time.
Posted by: Stu
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February 6, 2009 4:03 AM
Patricia, hold off on the Molly. Go look at frog's work in the Face Of Evil thread.
Then again, Anthony did rock the house in here.
Decisions, decisions.
Posted by: Dunc | February 6, 2009 5:03 AM
Mmmmmm.... Sacrelicious.
Posted by: Chris Davis | February 6, 2009 5:04 AM
OK, here's mine:
http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/lh/photo/H40LUyrYzdRQY5hVrRBpSA?feat=directlink
Posted by: jim | February 6, 2009 5:31 AM
#129,#132: Seconded. Glad I'm not the only one who thought that.
Posted by: Christophe Thill | February 6, 2009 5:57 AM
Instead of Jesus, it should be St Francis of Assisi, because he was the animal-friendly one.
As for Titanoboa, I can't wait till it's used in some crappy horror movie. Its name would make a wonderful title!
Posted by: nullifidian | February 6, 2009 6:09 AM
http://www.nullifidian.net/2009/02/06/pharyngulas-titanoboajesus-photoshop-challenge/
Posted by: Martin | February 6, 2009 6:16 AM
@Chris Davis, #147:
Wonderful ;) Now please do the third picture in the row!
Btw.. Does anyone know what Snake-poo looks like ?
Posted by: Matt Heath | February 6, 2009 6:21 AM
pwl@35: I'm not sure. The spin and the choice of director are very religious but it reads like the actual policy is to provide funding for voluntary groups to provide social services whether they are Baptist or Marxist or genuinely non-ideological.
Posted by: AnthonyK
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February 6, 2009 6:21 AM
Jesus says:
"Dad, I thought you said these were extinct!"
Posted by: AnthonyK
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February 6, 2009 6:31 AM
I like the reply to a pushy evangelist:
"Have you found Jesus?"
"I didn't even know he was missing!"
Posted by: Chris Davis | February 6, 2009 7:09 AM
@Martin, #151
Thanks for the kind words. Yes, do knoes what snake poo is like, and it's disgusting!
When you catch a snake, it invariably craps all over you as a deterrent, and the effect makes Sarin resemble Chanel.
However, since you suggest a third panel, I shall work thereupon. Watch that space down there.
Posted by: Knockgoats | February 6, 2009 7:16 AM
Panel 2: Somnolent snake with Jesus-shaped lump in midsection.
Panel 3: Indignant looking snake with upright Jesus-shaped lump in midsection (caption: 3 days later).
Panel 4: Very surprised looking snake shooting upwards into sky, still with upright Jesus-shaped lump in midsection (caption: 40 days later still).
Posted by: Some guy at work | February 6, 2009 7:23 AM
Hey,
if i weren't at work, i would start up GIMP and put Shans great photo story in reverse order !
Hendrik
Posted by: AnthonyK
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February 6, 2009 7:23 AM
The picture of this "fossil" and the puerile humour accompanying this blasphemous picture is a disgrace.
Evolution is a lie and you all know it.
Jesus Lives!
Snake Poe
Posted by: SquidBrandon | February 6, 2009 7:26 AM
Ceci n'est pas un biscuit.
Posted by: Chris Davis | February 6, 2009 7:51 AM
OK, here's my attempt at a third panel:
http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/lh/photo/bRufCxlB_wFwNkYcmn1vWQ?feat=directlink
Posted by: Muhamad | February 6, 2009 8:10 AM
Dr. Myers, is it me or is it your blog mostly full of humour?
I can't help stop laughing when I read the stuff people post.
Posted by: Paul Browne | February 6, 2009 8:10 AM
I'd suggest replacing Jesus with the much more appropriate St. Patrick
http://www.britannia.com/history/legend/collection/legcol47.html
Posted by: AnthonyK
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February 6, 2009 8:20 AM
Yes Muhamed, you are correct. We are miserable sinners and evangelists for Satan whose only defence against the inevitable hellfires is to laugh hysterically and mock our ultimate fate.
Well, it works for me!
Posted by: strangest brew | February 6, 2009 8:22 AM
*26
'And should this be interpreted literally or metaphorically?'
Makes not an iota of difference if indulged in... tis the same outcome!
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | February 6, 2009 8:29 AM
Some of us try, some of us fail.
Posted by: Carpworld | February 6, 2009 8:31 AM
Jebus: That's it! I've had it with these motherfuckkin snakes in this mutherfukkin garden!
Posted by: Muhamad | February 6, 2009 8:38 AM
AnthonyK, old chap, I think I'm on the same boat, well, I was the last time I looked in to my head.
And, yes, Rev. BDC, some of us do try.
Posted by: MikeD | February 6, 2009 8:38 AM
This pic reminded me of James Earl Jones as Thulsa Doom in the "Conan" movie.
http://www.mcwetboy.net/snakesonfilm/images/conan.jpg
Posted by: jemand | February 6, 2009 8:57 AM
No, no no. Most of you have it all wrong. That's God and the Devil before they broke up. It didn't go well for the devil, hence the fossil. God? Well, sustained some injuries but managed to survive until Nietzsche dealt the final, psychological blow...
Posted by: Mike | February 6, 2009 8:59 AM
Newly discovered mural, painted by Judas the Younger...
http://img19.imageshack.us/my.php?image=forpzmeyersdy6.jpg
This is the REAL deal folks!
Posted by: AnthonyK
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February 6, 2009 9:08 AM
Muhamad - interesting blog (but looks awful, apart from the lovely photo, in explorer - are you working with a non-standard character set?) so I thought I'd ask, are there any atheist/sceptical blog in the "Muslim" world? It seems to me, and pardon my ignorance, but most Muslim sites are concerned with politics/religion (oh, and of course, mundane real life), not any alternative mode of thought. Do you feel censored? And this is assuming of course that you do have atheist leanings. I'm dying to know who, if anyone, is the PZ/Dawkins/Hitchens of that partiular world, which I am so unfamiliar with that I don't even know what to call it without risking offence or overly exposing my own lack of knowledge.
Posted by: Steve | February 6, 2009 9:09 AM
Over the weekend I am a-gonna Photoshop me up a picture of a cavemean riding that snake and send it to AiG.
Posted by: Steve | February 6, 2009 9:13 AM
How about: "Hey snake! Smell my finger!"
Posted by: AnthonyK
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February 6, 2009 9:14 AM
Or:
"Hey snake, pull my finger!"
Posted by: Alan Clarke | February 6, 2009 9:59 AM
This phenomena of gigantism was described in the Bible before actual fossil discoveries were made: Genesis 6:4 - "There were giants in the earth in those days..." (Click here for more descriptions of gigantism.) And don't forget about leviathan and behemoth!
Posted by: Laser Potato | February 6, 2009 10:54 AM
The First Foot Fetishist
Posted by: Laser Potato | February 6, 2009 11:02 AM
I dunno, I've always preferred this explanation for Behemoth. Tee-hee.
http://stupiddinosaurlies.org/the-truth-about-behemoth/
Posted by: MZ | February 6, 2009 11:08 AM
Pharyngula has suddenly turned into Fark.
Posted by: DiscoveredJoys | February 6, 2009 11:20 AM
Long haired dude with the stigmata: "Look, I've had to come all the way back to the genesis of the world to try and straighten out your mistake... give Adam the apple this time, not Eve."
Posted by: The Countess | February 6, 2009 11:45 AM
Tastes like chicken.
Posted by: Helioprogenus | February 6, 2009 11:51 AM
Incidentally, you should all check out http://www.jesusdressup.com/; if you want to have fun with this colorblind chaps wardrobe.
Also, be sure to read the frothy, venomous, response letters by morons who are taking all of it a bit to seriously.
Posted by: Helioprogenus | February 6, 2009 11:53 AM
oops, ignore the grammatical errors. Should have been "chap's", and "too seriously". Must be the immigrant in me.
Posted by: kermit | February 6, 2009 12:06 PM
Your scenario leads to the birth of True Science®, PZ. In the next panel Jesus gets eaten. In the third, 60 million years later, paleontologists find the fossils of Jesus in another titanoboa. This proves that not only was Jesus real, but that he performed miracles, for how else could he have traveled back in time? A new renaissance of science begins, and Creationists assume their rightful place in... crap, I can't finish this.
Isn't he a little tall in this photo? The plaeoherpetologist said that titanoboa would be waist high when you stood near his middle. I hadn't realized that Joshua ben Yahweh was that tall.
Posted by: DGKnipfer | February 6, 2009 12:18 PM
Jebus, "Okay listen Tiamat, in a moment this naked girl is going to come down to the river. Don't eat her."
Snake, "That's gross Jebus. Have you seen what she was doing with Adam earlier?"
Jebus, "Dad damn it, knock it off Tiamat. Just tell her about how good the fruit on that tree over there is."
Snake, "The one your dad said not to touch?"
Jebus, "Yeah, that one."
Snake, "You’re going get me in trouble, Jebus."
Jebus, “Just do it for Dad’s sake. I’m going to hide over there and paint a picture of it.”
Snake, “Okay Jebus, but only because it’s you.”
Jebus, "Oh for my sake, lighten up. It's just a joke. Dad isn't going to get pissed or anything."
Posted by: Peter Mc | February 6, 2009 12:21 PM
"Call that a meal? Bring on the 12 Apostles! With fries, hold the sandals."
Posted by: Rob Jupp | February 6, 2009 1:11 PM
JC to Snake: I'm looking for Steve Irwin, have you seen him?
Posted by: Chris | February 6, 2009 2:37 PM
He removes the thorn from its paw, right?
Posted by: blf | February 6, 2009 3:02 PM
The snake's turned turtle, eyes X'ed, tongue hanging out, clearly dead. The robed dude, robe now torn and covered in blood, is praying next to a copy of The Joy of Cooking: “Hey Dad, Me, and Spooky, where's that fecking recipe for bloody great snake?”
Posted by: Piltdown Man | February 6, 2009 3:19 PM
No contest.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | February 6, 2009 3:22 PM
There was one?
Posted by: Patricia, OM | February 6, 2009 3:23 PM
Child porn much Pilty?
Posted by: Janine, Ignorant Slut | February 6, 2009 3:28 PM
Is that the hoax's idea of humor?
Posted by: Piltdown Man | February 6, 2009 3:35 PM
It was a cute attempt at blasphemy but I'm afraid the script has already been written.
Posted by: vivian | February 6, 2009 3:59 PM
JC and the snake are hanging out waiting for Cheney to bring some Colt 45.
Posted by: Laser Potato | February 6, 2009 5:46 PM
"Have you seen a big turtle somewhere around here?"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Tortoise
Posted by: bezoar | February 7, 2009 6:12 AM
William #31,
Chuck Norris is gay. He’d be shaking jebus’ wanker.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself
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February 7, 2009 7:33 AM
DGKnipfer wins the thread with #184.