Yet more internet melodrama! Several of our unwilling contestants took a shot at the immunity challenge, to comical effect: they either completely failed to be aware of what people find irritating in their posting habits, or in one case, even plagiarized his answer. The result of the vote by the readership: none met the challenge, although several thought Facilis made a good effort, so no one has immunity.
What about the vote to see who would be banned? Once again, John Kwok saw an ember of a possibility that he might be selected, and chose to fight it by repeatedly throwing buckets of gasoline on it. If he’d just ignored it, I’m sure he would have been passed over without a problem… but by constantly fanning the flames, he kept a constant volley of votes for him going, and finally ended up in second place. Good work!
The final winner, though, and the one who is now banned, is the loathsome Simon. His foul-tempered hatefulness was an unstoppable force, and the silliness of a Kwok could not match it. Simon is gone, and good riddance.
Now, I had planned on doing one more round of voting to clear the blog of a total of three trouble-making pests, but in the end I’ve decided to cut it short right here. Something happened that compels me to simply ban one more person outright, and end the whole series. It seems that one of our contestants has been writing to a friend and asking him to use his powers of persuasion to compel me to a) LEAVE KEN MILLER ALONE!!! (should be read with a Chris Crocker-esque shriek, and with much running mascara) and b) grant the correspondent immediate, automatic immunity. He also threatened to complete his novel and include me as a character, ala Michael Crichton. Can you guess who it was?
Somebody is taking this far too seriously, and I think it’s time to cut off his little obsession. Goodbye, John Kwok. You won’t be commenting here any more.
And we’re done, for now. Those who survived Survivor: Pharyngula! should not rest easy, though — I will use my vast powers capriciously, and with malice, if you should persist in your ways that got you on the list in the first place.
One of the victims has responded in email.
Hey PZ –
Since Rick Moody lampooned a certain former “New York Times” book reviewer who had dubbed Rick, “the worst writer of my generation”, in his novel “The Diviners”, it looks like you’re going to be honored twice. I already have an IRA terrorist whose persona is quite similar to yours (I told Greg that this was an accident.). Assuming that I sell this novel and write another, I’ll be certain you’ll appear in that one too.
BTW, Rick has since “kissed and made up” with the object of his affection. I haven’t asked him about it, only because I know he’s not one to talk about it (I’ll let you guess how I know Rick. Hint: Look at my Facebook page.).
I’m giving you a chance to change your mind. I think you ought to reconsider ASAP.
Oh, dog. He knows Rick Moody! And he’s going to pretend a fictional IRA terrorist (who is “a sadistic terrorist and murderer”) is me! But you know, I don’t think I’ll reconsider.
It gets better! A new threat from the Kwok:
PZ, what comes around, goes around. Am looking forward to giving you the just dessert that you so richly deserve. And if you don’t behave with the Muslims, I might do a “Pontius Pilate” act and give my cousin Jim and his CAIR buddies carte blanche to deal with you as they see fit.