If a cuttlefish fought an octopus, who would win? : Pharyngula

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« Registration now required to comment | Main | Snails have nodal! »

If a cuttlefish fought an octopus, who would win?

Category: Cephalopods
Posted on: April 13, 2009 10:44 AM, by PZ Myers

That is the kind of important question we ponder all the time, and in a demonstration of the superiority of empirical data over philosophizing, here is a video to show the answer.

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Comments

Posted by: JD | April 13, 2009 10:52 AM

That Cuttlefish, obviously, has not heard the good news of the gospels yet.

Posted by: Captain Mike | April 13, 2009 10:53 AM

Interesting, but it doesn't give any insight into the problem facing every true scientist: the Powerpuff Girls vs. Superman debate.

Posted by: blf | April 13, 2009 10:57 AM

The cuttlefish was trying to save its friend, the octopus, from the nasty mammal. However, the octopus, a very clever animal, already had a plan for dealing with the driver. (The plan involved bacon.) Consequently, the octopus is now plotting revenge on its "friend". (This also involves bacon.)

Posted by: Desert Son, OM | April 13, 2009 10:57 AM

I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought, Ray. [/Spengler]

No kings,

Robert

Posted by: Bob O'H | April 13, 2009 10:59 AM

Eh? it wasn't attacking the octopus, it was saving it from those cruel, taunting, vertebrates.

Posted by: daveau | April 13, 2009 11:00 AM

Best 2 out of 3?

Posted by: Kraid | April 13, 2009 11:00 AM

"Nature red in tooth and tentacle."

Posted by: Lee Brimmicombe-Wood | April 13, 2009 11:01 AM

That's an impressive piece of pwnage.

Posted by: Glen Davidson | April 13, 2009 11:01 AM

Whichever one can swallow the other, with only a stray tentacle or two still sticking out.

Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592

#10

Posted by: Desert Son, OM | April 13, 2009 11:02 AM

Just realized I sorta bungled that quote. Egon was talking to Venkman, not Stantz in that scene.

Terrified beyond the capacity to correctly remember lines from Ghostbusters as well, it would seem.

Off to hunt for coffee.

No kings,

Robert

#11

Posted by: flaq | April 13, 2009 11:03 AM

it's pretty obvious that the octopus was using that c-wrench to open up the plug at the bottom of the ocean. The cuttlefish was merely acting in self-defense.

#12

Posted by: SaraJ | April 13, 2009 11:06 AM

I can't help it... I felt a pang of pity for the poor octopus. But I am glad the cuttlefish had a delicious lunch.

#13

Posted by: Chris Davis | April 13, 2009 11:12 AM

I blame Original Sin. Before The Fall, those two would have browsed on seaweed together in mutual molluscan harmony.

Women!

#14

Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM | April 13, 2009 11:18 AM

There was the poor, innocent octupus, minding its own business, not bothering anyone, when suddenly a vicious, nefarious cuttlefish comes along and snuffs our hero. Remember, folks, whenever you're investigating some piece of machinery to see if its edible, watch out for reprobate cuttlefish.

#15

Posted by: schism | April 13, 2009 11:20 AM

If a gazelle is drinking out of a pond, and a crocodile lunges out of the pond and immediately kills the gazelle, can you really say a fight occurred?

#16

Posted by: Eidolon | April 13, 2009 11:22 AM

Kinda reminds me of night dives where pointing out some animal with a flashlight seals it's fate as dinner for some other creature.

Gotta pay attention ALL the time. Get preoccupied with something neat and POW!

#17

Posted by: FatherNature | April 13, 2009 11:24 AM

Evidence for another animal that uses tools.

#18

Posted by: blueelm | April 13, 2009 11:27 AM

Cuttlefish FTW. Not so much a "fight" though.

#19

Posted by: blueelm | April 13, 2009 11:29 AM

holy crud? How'd I get my name back? Do I have two typekey accounts!? I must have joined eons ago and then forgotten which email I used.

#20

Posted by: Don | April 13, 2009 11:33 AM

The wrench...use the wrench...Too late, dammit.

#21

Posted by: Jason Thibeault | April 13, 2009 11:35 AM

Holy freaking crap. It didn't even stand a chance. That wasn't a fight, it was ownage.

#22

Posted by: Mena | April 13, 2009 11:37 AM

Alas, still no evidence about the winner of a Wiwaxia corrugata vs. Olenoides serratus fight. Better get back to working on that time machine...

#23

Posted by: Spyderkl | April 13, 2009 11:39 AM

I see...not so much a "fight" as "teaming up with a diver to distract/obtain a lunch item".

#2: I think we all know who would win that one. Not even Superman is a match for three cute little girls with superpowers.

#24

Posted by: go.electrons | April 13, 2009 11:41 AM

Eidolon, That has happened to me too. There was a tarpon that followed us everywhere on our night dives at a certain location. The flashlight beam touches a tasty morsel and CHOMP! Gone. Nothing left but scales.

#25

Posted by: Libbie | April 13, 2009 11:56 AM

Not fair! She distracted the octopush with a shiny object!

#26

Posted by: Texas Reader | April 13, 2009 12:07 PM

Testing 1,2,3!!
I've always refused to comment anywhere where I had to register but this site is very important to me and if the registration cuts down on the wasted space from troll comments I'll be happy.
Oh, it's great to take a Monday off from work!

#27

Posted by: Kevin Hunter | April 13, 2009 12:09 PM

That was not a fight. That was an ambush. Unfortunate that nature rarely works in a fair deathmatch style...

Also, this new comment thing isn't too horrible.

#28

Posted by: Humanistic Jones | April 13, 2009 12:15 PM

That octopus was getting too close to revealing that the cephalopods have the ability to use tools. The cuttlefish did the only sensible thing and put the octopus down. Sacrifices must be made for the revolution.

#29

Posted by: kev_s | April 13, 2009 12:24 PM

The octopus had just worked out what cool things it could make with the wrench in order to impress its mate, but it forgot a very important rule, "Look behind you!!" ... and ended up helping the cuttlefish have more babies instead.
Actually the cuttlefish is pretty astute because it realised it couldn't eat the octopus while it was holding the wrench, so it waited until the wrench was out of the way. Not so stupid.

#30

Posted by: chgo_liz | April 13, 2009 12:24 PM

Cue Cuttlefish with an appropriate and awesome epic poem retelling the brave saga in 3...2...1...

#31

Posted by: AdamK | April 13, 2009 12:25 PM

I'm a cuttle fan, so I'm delighted for my team.

(Mainly I'm testing my typekey registration.)

#32

Posted by: Verdelet | April 13, 2009 12:26 PM

Heh! It reminded me of the submarine sequence in "Phantom Menace" where the Naboo sea creatures kept getting eaten by a bigger sea creature.

"There's always a bigger fish."
Qui-Gon Jinn

#33

Posted by: PGPWNIT | April 13, 2009 12:27 PM

Who would have thought that something with such a cute name could be so mean.

#34

Posted by: DaveX | April 13, 2009 12:27 PM

Pretty amazing to be able to witness a thing like that! BTW, I'm not a terrific fan of TypePad, so I hope this is at least a help to you.

#35

Posted by: LRA | April 13, 2009 12:30 PM

Octopi are so amazing! They are smart and curious. I understand that a cuttlefish has got to eat, but it's still sad to see an octopus die.

#36

Posted by: tsig | April 13, 2009 12:30 PM

The squid was merely practicing it's famous "attack from within" strategy. Last used by the South in the Civil War.

#37

Posted by: Typo180 | April 13, 2009 12:35 PM

Hah, I was just about to send this to you. You must have friends on reddit.

#38

Posted by: Sonic Screwdriver | April 13, 2009 12:35 PM

The horror! The HORROR! I just ran out of Girlscout cookies!

Oh and cuttlefish are dicks. Octopi could take them in a fair fight. WE DEMAND A REMATCH! (A rematch in which, of course, our side definitively wins.)

#39

Posted by: Just Plain Cliff | April 13, 2009 12:37 PM

Never make the mistake of generalizing from a n of one.

#40

Posted by: knobody | April 13, 2009 12:37 PM

the octopus, in the aquarium, with the wrench...no, wait, professor plum, in the lab, with the cuttlefish.

#41

Posted by: Helioprogenus | April 13, 2009 12:44 PM

That's impressive. The octopus was completely oblivious thanks to the distracting foreign object. Such is the cruelty of life. One minute, you're palpating some strange object that you've never come across, trying to assess its relevance, then the next minute, you're forced into the mouth of a cuttlefish. That's a pretty large cuttlefish at that. I'm sure if the size ratio was reversed, the octopus would do the attacking. I salute you o great cuttlefish!

#42

Posted by: zaaron | April 13, 2009 12:47 PM

OT, but did you all hear about Anthony Powell? Fan of VenomfangX, who made a well-known, widely-mocked video about how atheists are full of rage and are evil, etc., etc. He's killed someone, and himself:

http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090413/METRO01/904130324/&imw=Y
http://www.thinkatheist.com/video/rip-anthony-powell-fan-of

What a terrible waste of life.

#43

Posted by: Stacy | April 13, 2009 12:49 PM

I'm sorry for yopur loss. :-(

#44

Posted by: MikeB | April 13, 2009 12:55 PM

Man I hope he doesn't choke on it! That was plain amazing. I thought sharks were nasty.

I welcome our new cuttlefish overlords.

#45

Posted by: Tiki Idyll | April 13, 2009 1:01 PM

Not too surprising that the cuttlefish won. It's the heavy artillery to the octopus' footmen.

PPG v. Superman, the PPG would kick some Kryptonian ass. Although the Sup' probably wouldn't fight back at all, considering he's the ultimate all-American Boy Scout and wouldn't hit (literal) girls.

#46

Posted by: Charles | April 13, 2009 1:03 PM

better question...if a person jumps into a pool with 4 polar bears who would win?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ61qi-Sptg

When people clearly try to select themselves out of the gene pool by such inexplicable acts of foolishness I say we should just let them…

I did laugh at this shit though…maybe I wouldn’t have if there wasn’t a “hedge and a fence to climb over before diving in…” Maybe she was going to discuss global warming with them…lol

#47

Posted by: Victor | April 13, 2009 1:05 PM

The octopus had to go. It was about to reveal the ingredients of the cephalopod's much coveted BBQ sauce.

#48

Posted by: Sili | April 13, 2009 1:07 PM

Of course the PPGs would win. They'd have Supers locked up as a paedophile faster than you could say "BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!"

#49

Posted by: bootsy | April 13, 2009 1:12 PM

Goodbye Turducken. Hello Cuttleamari.

#50

Posted by: Brownian, OM | April 13, 2009 1:20 PM

Remember, folks, whenever you're investigating some piece of machinery to see if it's edible, watch out for reprobate cuttlefish.

Boy, I couldn't even begin to count the number of times Grandma Brownian drilled that one into my head.

#51

Posted by: Happy Tentacles | April 13, 2009 1:21 PM

The Cuttle saw the Octopus showing far too much interest in evil mammalian technology and grabbed it before its innocent mind became contaminated by the works of these hairy-skinned land-dwelling inferior beings. It was all for the the good of the Cephalopod civilisation, tragic though it was to see those sad trailing tentacles . . .

#52

Posted by: Saskboy | April 13, 2009 1:22 PM

I think the reaction of the diver was about as priceless.

P.S. I only bothered to write this comment because I thought commenting was possible without signing into Typepad, and I was, unfortunately, wrong.

#53

Posted by: Sili | April 13, 2009 1:24 PM

I'm actually starting to get disappoined at the lack of references to oral and tentacle sex.

#54

Posted by: Watchman | April 13, 2009 1:27 PM

*facepalm*

Now I know why my wife and kids are always leaving tools out in the yard!

#55

Posted by: Cuttlefish, OM | April 13, 2009 1:33 PM

*burp*

(disappears again)

(thanks for all your kind words, people. I will be back eventually.)

#56

Posted by: Doctor Atlanits | April 13, 2009 1:34 PM

Yes, the cousin Cuttlefish rescued the unsuspecting Octopus from the Human Diver. That's why here in Atlantis we call the Cuttlefish the "St. Bernard of the Sea."

Well I do.

Um, starting now.

I think I still prefer japanesebugfights.com

#57

Posted by: Laura | April 13, 2009 1:35 PM

I'd rather see them mating, not fighting...
*tries to look super creepy*

#58

Posted by: TX CHL Instructor | April 13, 2009 1:41 PM

As I often get to remind the PETA crowd, "death by natural causes" in nature usually involves getting killed and eaten by a predator. Invariably with substantial angst on the part of the animal being killed and eaten.
--
www.chl-tx.com

#59

Posted by: Mu | April 13, 2009 1:41 PM

What really surprised me was the cuttlefish "stealing" the octopus from the diver; the diver must be double or more the size of the cuttlefish, and it snatched it's "pray" anyway.

#60

Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM | April 13, 2009 1:43 PM

TX CHL Instructor,

I don't believe any of us would disagree with that. What was your point?

#61

Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM | April 13, 2009 1:44 PM

I will be back eventually.

Great to hear!

*burp*

Cuttlefish wins the thread again.

#62

Posted by: Newfie | April 13, 2009 1:55 PM

I HAZ RENCH, I HAZ RENCH

#63

Posted by: uncle frogy | April 13, 2009 2:01 PM

My guess would be that the Cuttlefish came upon the Octopus being observed using a human tool by a human and being recorded took the course for security reasons, less the octopus could be captured and examined, of destroying it to maintain the secrets until the true Rulers of Planet Water declare themselves.

#64

Posted by: unTheist | April 13, 2009 2:01 PM

The noodliest one will win,.. obviously

#65

Posted by: Fernando | April 13, 2009 2:12 PM

I hope the cuttlefish wins, to be catched by a fisherman!

Because i like to eat them: on a grate, with onions, potatoes, and chopped parsley, acompanied by a good white wine.
Delicious! ;)

On the other hand, i hate octopus, because i cant eat them!
They make me nauseas. :P

PS: Sorry about that Professor Myers! :D

#66

Posted by: Uncephalized | April 13, 2009 2:13 PM

If octopods are our tentacled overlords, then cuttlefish are their shock troops, and we are all screwed.

#67

Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | April 13, 2009 2:15 PM

If a cuttlefish fought an octopus, who would win?

the viewer

#68

Posted by: Indus The Science Kitten | April 13, 2009 2:18 PM

Answer: it doesn't matter because the sharks with the friggen lasers will show up once blood hits the water.

#69

Posted by: RickD | April 13, 2009 2:43 PM

Sad to see that scientists have to ally with the cuttlefish to betray the poor octopi.

#70

Posted by: Leon | April 13, 2009 3:10 PM

But what if the octopus was fighting the Cuttlefish of Cthulhu?

#71

Posted by: WillB | April 13, 2009 3:12 PM

@42 Wow. I think that may be one of the saddest things about religious thinking. A combination of faith turning off critical thinking and some chemical imbalance in the brain can lead to any horrible behavior imaginable.

How do the families deal with him killing this innocent and himself?
How does his mother deal with his rants against black women?

If only: people would learn to think critically and
we had a better understanding of mental illness
this would never need to happen.

#72

Posted by: CCW | April 13, 2009 3:14 PM

Search YouTube for Giant "Octopus vs Shark".
That video diplays some serious ownage!

#73

Posted by: Benny the Icepick | April 13, 2009 3:16 PM

I love that you can see the cuttlefish the entire time - the little weed blinking/breathing in the background.

#74

Posted by: MosesZD | April 13, 2009 3:23 PM

Is there any bacon involved? Because I like bacon. I don't much care for fighting.

#75

Posted by: mikecbraun | April 13, 2009 3:23 PM

That...was...awesome! I think I've seen that in my nightmares before.

#76

Posted by: Menyambal | April 13, 2009 3:48 PM

RickD says:

Sad to see that scientists have to ally with the cuttlefish to betray the poor octopi.

What? A construction diver happened to film two wild animals. There were no scientists involved, there was no alliance and no betrayal of the octopus. What the hell are you on about? People here at this science blog seem to be pitying the octopus. Are you serious, RickD?

I was first impressed by the octopus, and how he seemed to be intelligently investigating the wrench. Then I was impressed by the drifting bunch of seaweed turning into a cuttlefish--that was amazing camouflage--and jetting away with the octopus, faster than the diver could swim. Wow!

#77

Posted by: Quidam | April 13, 2009 3:50 PM

POLL ALERT

Accompanying this intellectually vacuous article by AN Wilson is a poll:

http://www.newstatesman.com/polls/1470

Should creationism have a place in the curriculum?
56% are saying yes 44% are saying no

#78

Posted by: dvrvm | April 13, 2009 4:02 PM

hey, i just got an idea in evolutionary biology: 2 genes interact multiplicatively (i.e. the phenotype is lethal if both are on or off, the other two genotypes are viable). Is this enough for a speciation event?

#79

Posted by: RedPersephone | April 13, 2009 4:09 PM

The octopus, on the seafloor, with the wr.... nevermind.

#80

Posted by: Kevin Hunter | April 13, 2009 4:09 PM

That cuttlefish didn't win. It was just transporting the octopus away from the humans before it gave away the secret location of Cthulu via super-secret monkey wrench communication skills.

#81

Posted by: MTS | April 13, 2009 4:23 PM

I'm so incredibly glad I'm at the top of the food chain, and live in a sheltered environment, and so am unlikely ever to be eaten alive.

#82

Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM | April 13, 2009 4:24 PM

super-secret monkey wrench communication skills.

That isn't a monkey wrench, it's a crescent wrench. <pedant>

#83

Posted by: No Guy in the Sky | April 13, 2009 4:36 PM

We need to study the fighting skills of Octopus. That Octopus was obviously distracted, and the diver was in cahoots with the Cuttlefish. So to make it fair we should not feed the Octopus for a few days, so it is good and hungry. Make sure it weighs approximately the same as the combatant. Then place the Giant Octopus in a large solid cage with that diver that distracted the small octopus. Thunder Aquarium, the rules are simple. Two animals enter, one Enteroctopus leaves.

#84

Posted by: Pteryxx | April 13, 2009 4:52 PM

What's amazing is the entirely silent, visual threat escalation going on between these two highly communicative species. The cuttlefish's flared attack pose induces nightmares - if I saw that thing drifting toward ME in a dark alley, the whitecoats'd have to scrape me off the asphalt from sheer terror. And the octupus turning suddenly seafloor-white and mottled was the quintessential visual equivalent of "OH SHI--"

#85

Posted by: shonny | April 13, 2009 5:04 PM

You pinch my adjustable spanner, and see what will happen to you!

Crescent is a brand, not a type of wrench, mistakenly used as a generic name.
A monkey wrench is also called an 'Englishman' because of the poor design (like so many tools designed by the English).
The proper adjustable spanner that any mechanic could use without being laughed out of the workshop was the Swedish design http://www.bahco.com/files/Leaflet%20Adjustable%20Wrenches_ijqrefqqkcekocbournjsajpr.pdf
And you don't pinch other's tools, in particular not the possessive squid's ones!

#86

Posted by: SAWells | April 13, 2009 6:10 PM

I didn't grasp until the fifth viewing that the cuttlefish didn't come through the seaweed. That drifting lump of seaweed _is_ the cuttlefish right up until the Doom Tentacles erupt from within. I want a chainmail bathing suit.

#87

Posted by: Shadow | April 13, 2009 7:00 PM

#82:

Isn't the wrench used by monkey-boys and monkey-girls?

#88

Posted by: Jadehawk, OM | April 13, 2009 7:01 PM

that was not a fight, that was pure pwnage :-/

Posted by: Cuttlefish, OM Author Profile Page | April 13, 2009 1:33 PM

*burp*

Cuttlefish wins the thread.

#89

Posted by: Jadehawk, OM | April 13, 2009 7:03 PM

That isn't a monkey wrench, it's a crescent wrench.

actually, it's an ape wrench

*runs*

#90

Posted by: Booger | April 13, 2009 7:12 PM

Cthulu pthagn, motherf*cker!

#91

Posted by: Jeanette | April 13, 2009 8:15 PM

Huh? Just checking in. Yes, Cthulu lives. Ewww.

#92

Posted by: Fred the Hun | April 13, 2009 9:06 PM

Awesome, but now I have to wonder how many times I have swum past some well camouflaged cephalopod in plain view.

#93

Posted by: DLC | April 13, 2009 9:24 PM

Clearly the cuttlefish was designed better than the octopus. See, it's all about Design!
Even if it's impossible to prove the designer exists . . .
Oh wait... if the cuttlefish was designed better than the octopus, does that mean that . . . GASP! the Designer is imperfect ? ? ?

#94

Posted by: Free Knight | April 13, 2009 9:42 PM

Clearly it was a sucker punch..... errr.... sucker strike.... errr sucker suck......

The cuttlefish sucker sucked the suction cupped sucker?

#95

Posted by: Nomad | April 13, 2009 10:23 PM

A little late for this sentiment by now, but I just have to say it..

WAY TO GO CUTTLEFISH!

I figured the octopus would be the winner. I don't know much about cuttlefish, but for whatever reason I figured the octopus would be the victor.

The snatch and grab move was not what I was expecting to see.

#96

Posted by: Blue-eyed Videot | April 13, 2009 10:56 PM

Excuse me for showing my Cuttlefishian ignorance, but I'm wondering just how the poor octopus was taken so fast. Rapid-acting paralytic venom in the cuttlefish's bite? Crushed and/or smothered? Hash brownies? It didn't appear to me that the octopus struggled at all. What gives?

#97

Posted by: Ted | April 13, 2009 11:43 PM

A few more minutes and that octopus would have WIELDED that spanner in defense!

#98

Posted by: Fl bluefish | April 14, 2009 12:01 AM

at #56....
japanesebugfights.com

This place is a gold mine.

#99

Posted by: no2religion | April 14, 2009 2:27 AM

Awesome!

Oh and for #53:

I had a girlfriend that could swallow like that!

#100

Posted by: Lilly de Lure | April 14, 2009 5:12 AM

Excuse me for showing my Cuttlefishian ignorance, but I'm wondering just how the poor octopus was taken so fast. Rapid-acting paralytic venom in the cuttlefish's bite? Crushed and/or smothered? Hash brownies? It didn't appear to me that the octopus struggled at all. What gives?

I don't think many cuttlefish species are venomous and I'm fairly sure I saw the octopus struggling a bit once it had been caught. I think it's major problems were the fact that it had been taken totally by surprise and the fact that the cuttlefish was so much bigger and had strong enough tentacles to just clamp the poor little thing in place.

Got to agree with other posters though - the diver's reaction was priceless!

#101

Posted by: elece | April 14, 2009 8:39 AM

I'm eating filled cuttlefish, there's tentacles inside. Now I know how it is made.

This is no joke; I'm really eating it just now. Damn.

#102

Posted by: longstreet | April 14, 2009 8:39 AM

Today in Minnesota, Norm Coleman filed a lawsuit on behalf of the octopus, claiming that it was the clear winner in the dispute...

#103

Posted by: Stanton | April 14, 2009 8:43 AM

That doesn't seem like much of a fight, unless you count "minor objection to being chewed alive" to be a form of "fighting"

#104

Posted by: Stanton | April 14, 2009 8:47 AM

I don't think many cuttlefish species are venomous

Actually, all cuttlefish are venomous, though, they aren't venomous enough to threaten humans.

That being said, from what I've heard, and gathered, being bitten by a cuttlefish is still an extremely unpleasant experience (especially since many of the larger species can easily bite through a wet suit)

#105

Posted by: True Bob | April 14, 2009 9:14 AM

Can't we all just get along?:

http://www.slowpokecomics.com/strips/doga.html

#106

Posted by: John Phillips, FCD | April 14, 2009 11:08 AM

Cuttlefish, you told us things were getting hard but I don't think any of us realised just how hard until we saw this video. Good move though, remind me never to let you get behind me.

#107

Posted by: amphiox | April 14, 2009 1:06 PM

Loved how the cuttlefish managed to float, camoflaged, virtually in the center of the frame the whole time without the human diver noticing it, until it struck.

As for the unfortunate octopus, excessive fascination with chordate artifacts proved to be a maladaptive trait, it seems.