…and this is a 
I'm sure this happens all the time.
A 2cm long fish apparently found it's way into the penis of a 14-year-old boy from India in a bizarre medical case. The patient was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period. According to the boy, the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home.
This is precisely why, when I'm cleaning the bank of tanks in my lab, I make sure to keep my pants on.
(via Rev. BigDumbChimp, who always finds stories like this.)
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Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | May 18, 2009 1:38 PM
Thanks! It sounded very fishy to me.
Um
wait a minute
Posted by: Fred the Hun
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May 18, 2009 1:42 PM
Posted by: moonwatcher | May 18, 2009 1:43 PM
I'm skeptical of his explanation. Is his name Troy McClure, by any chance?
Posted by: Bryn | May 18, 2009 1:45 PM
What. the. flaming. hell??!? He....fishtank....penis....what?
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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May 18, 2009 1:46 PM
Yes, a lot of strange stories floating the websphere. Something isn't quit adding up here, but that makes the story.
Posted by: Cronan | May 18, 2009 1:50 PM
They didn't believe me either when I tried his explanation at the emergency room. The nurses still talk about it, "that freaky fish f*cker", I do believe that's what they call me. ;-)
Posted by: Isherwood
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May 18, 2009 1:53 PM
I just spent a painstaking six hours moving a 55-gallon aquarium into my new basement den. You'd be amazed how often I discovered a frisky little Tetra heading for my crotch.
Danger, indeed.
Posted by: Clemens | May 18, 2009 1:54 PM
Here in Germany (geez, it just appeared to me that quite a lot of my posts have this opening) there was a medicine student who wrote her PhD thesis about penis injuries due to masturbation with vacuum cleaners. When finishing with summa cum laude she went on a reading tour with it...
Posted by: littlejohn | May 18, 2009 1:59 PM
Aw, c'mon, give the kid a break. He was just having a wet dream.
Posted by: 386sx | May 18, 2009 2:02 PM
There's the video!
http://www.ispub.com/journal/the_internet_journal_of_urology/volume_5_number_2_41/article/unusual_foreign_body_in_urinary_bladder_a_case_report.html
Posted by: The Science Pundit
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May 18, 2009 2:03 PM
Wow! That's even more unlikely than the priest who likes to change his kitchen curtain rods in the buff. There's a greater probability that a 100 amino acid peptide just randomly formed the fish getting up there like that. To prove it, I'm going to pull numbers out of my ass ... on second thought, everyone is going to want to know how those numbers got up there in the first place.
Never mind!
Posted by: Bryn | May 18, 2009 2:03 PM
Ohhhhh, so *that's* why my husband never cleans the tank! The only fish in our tank is a 10" long, 4.5" deep koi. You'd think it'd be pretty apparent if it got "misplaced", but better safe than sorry.
Posted by: Sigmund | May 18, 2009 2:04 PM
To make things even worse he now has a nasty case of crabs.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | May 18, 2009 2:05 PM
Thread won. We can go home.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | May 18, 2009 2:06 PM
Uh, yeah, he had a candiru in his tank?
If not, it's (wait for bad pun) a fish tale.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Posted by: Fred the Hun
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May 18, 2009 2:16 PM
Could someone with a deeper knowledge of human anatomy than myself, please care to elucidate from which possible adjacent organ a fish might migrate into the bladder?!
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | May 18, 2009 2:21 PM
Had to look up iatrogenic
Even knowing what we do about all doctors (evil pharma shills who would kill you through malpractice just as soon as they'd look at you) I'm going to think it's going to be hard to blame a renegade MD running in mid bladder emptying and precisely throwing said fish penis-wise.
And knowing he had the fish in his hand I think we're pretty clear it was a self-insertion. And by self I don't mean the fish inserted itself.
Posted by: Craig | May 18, 2009 2:22 PM
I recall reading about a man who swam the Amazon River from near the source to the ocean. His greatest fear wasn't piranhas or snakes or other nasties, rather he was most worried about a fish homesteading in his bladder. I think the fish is called "Canduri" or something like that.
Shudder.
Posted by: AdjacentOrigin | May 18, 2009 2:23 PM
As long as you don't relieve yourself in the Amazon River you should be fine. Otherwise...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSLKZzuLC00
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | May 18, 2009 2:27 PM
Yikes! I was going to clean out my aquarium later today...it contains a couple of 5" turtles, and I'm going to be extra-special careful now, for sure!!!There are three ways into the bladder: urethra, R ureter, L ureter. All things considered, my money's on the urethral route, which is explicitly "designed" (sorry for the shorthand) for passage in the, uh, other direction. The damn fish had to have been inserted and then worked all the way up the urethra to the freakin bladder. Kid's got issues.
Posted by: Die Anyway | May 18, 2009 2:29 PM
I'll provisionally accept the medical report but I'm not buying the boy's story... just slipped in there while he was peeing... no, sorry, no sale here. Experimenting? Yeah, maybe. But damn, 2cm is a tad over 3/4 inch. That's small as fish go but pretty big for a urethera. I wonder if it's really possible. Now where did I put my minnow net?
Posted by: Gingerbaker | May 18, 2009 2:32 PM
Moral of the story:
Always, always, always cover your penis tightly with one hand while you clean your fish tank with your scrotum.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 18, 2009 2:41 PM
I'm glad to know these things happen to other people besides me.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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May 18, 2009 2:44 PM
At least this kid doesn't keep gerbils.
Posted by: CS | May 18, 2009 2:51 PM
@18, yes, candiru is a small bloodsucking catfish that has reportedly found its way into the penises and vaginas of bathers in Amazonian rivers.
Posted by: Brock | May 18, 2009 2:51 PM
How the hell does a 1.5 cm wide fish get in a urethra?! I mean, even assuming the kid has a history of dangerous forms of masturbation, that's huge.
Also, the "urethra fish" from everyone's nightmares is the Candiru.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | May 18, 2009 2:54 PM
Wait is that one fish called the Candiru?
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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May 18, 2009 2:56 PM
As everyone who has passed a kidney stone can attest, a ureter is significantly smaller. Though it's amazing how big a stone can get through--amazing the amount of pain it causes, too.
I would think, however, that the fins would prevent it from moving "downstream" in both ureters and urethra. Fins make movement one-way, hence it would make it into the bladder causing, no doubt, kidney stone-like pain.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Posted by: Ian | May 18, 2009 3:00 PM
"This is precisely why, when I'm cleaning the bank of tanks in my lab, I make sure to keep my pants on."
Thank goodness you're working with zebrafish and not cephalopods.
Posted by: JackC
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May 18, 2009 3:09 PM
Now see? This is why my kid just has gerbils.
JC
Posted by: FlyingSpaghettiTroll
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May 18, 2009 3:13 PM
I'm sure this kid is never going to live it down. His parents should take a heavy interest in the hobby; maybe start breeding betas. That fish looks a bit big for a first timer... I smell a urethra stuffing fetish. We should watch this kid; I suspect he'll provide the internet with "gotse from the other end" in a few years.
-FST
Posted by: Geoff Offermann | May 18, 2009 3:14 PM
I've heard some pretty lousy lies in my life, but nothing tops this one. And two "professors" believed him? Egad.
Posted by: Ian | May 18, 2009 3:15 PM
"This is precisely why, when I'm cleaning the bank of tanks in my lab, I make sure to keep my pants on."
Thank goodness you're working with zebrafish and not cephalopods.
Posted by: Fred the Hun
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May 18, 2009 3:15 PM
Rev. BigDumbChimp @17,
Yeah, but that still doesn't explain what the good docs are thinking when they write that it could migrate from an adjacent organ?!
Posted by: JackC
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May 18, 2009 3:15 PM
Dammit! Tis Himself's post was not here when I posted!
JC
Posted by: bastion of sass | May 18, 2009 3:20 PM
Hey now, wait a minnow! I'm sardine to think that making fun of this kid's predicament cod get outta hand.
Without a trout, the kid was following SOP for cleaning fish tanks, and he used both common sense and good hygienic practices while peeing.
Don't all aquarists remove the fish from the tank and hold it in their hand while cleaning the fish tank? I mean, what other possible sensible options are there?
And, of course, it makes perfect sense that one would (apparently) use the same hand for holding one's penis while peeing that was holding the fish while the tank was being cleaned. Really, does anyone think the better and healthier option would have been using the hand that wasn't holding the fish?
(OTOH, maybe the kid didn't use good sense and used his fish-free hand, and the fish just took a big leap from the fishless hand. See, that's the big danger in using one's fishless hand.)
I don't know why anyone would carp that the boy's story seems a little shad-y.
Posted by: Pogo | May 18, 2009 3:24 PM
Wasn't this an episode of the Venture Brothers?
Posted by: JackC
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May 18, 2009 3:26 PM
If you watch the video posted in #10, if that fish is 2cm long, there is NO WAY it is also 1.5cm in diameter - maybe in circumference, making it about 0.6cm in dia - which still looks large, unless they are measuring extension of the fins, which would not count for much during insertion.
The article is unclear. Methinks it was kind of hard to write through the tears of laughter.
JC
Posted by: Rorschach
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May 18, 2009 3:27 PM
Reminds me of the story of "how did the Red Bull can get in my rectum"...
Email me for xrays.
Posted by: cynickal | May 18, 2009 3:39 PM
"This is precisely why, when I'm cleaning the bank of tanks in my lab, I make sure to keep my pants on."
As an Apantseist I don't believe in your "pants"
Posted by: fardels bear | May 18, 2009 3:43 PM
In my first read, I read "20cm" in his penis and I have to admit, I was impressed.
Posted by: SteveM
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May 18, 2009 3:52 PM
<Darth Vader> I find your lack of pants most disturbing.</Darth Vader>
Posted by: Krystalline Apostate | May 18, 2009 3:54 PM
Pogo @ 37:
The Monarch threatened them w/the Candiru fish as he dangled them over the Amazon river, but Dean came down w/a case of torqued groin, so they had to invoke a 'time-out' in accordance w/the 'Rusty Clause' out of the Guild handbook.
& yeah, I'm a little too much of a fan since all that's from memory.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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May 18, 2009 3:57 PM
JackC #30
Are you Richard Gere's father?
Posted by: Darren S. A. George | May 18, 2009 3:58 PM
Now I'm thinking of a Lovecraftian eldritch horror called Cthandiru.
Posted by: JackC
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May 18, 2009 4:19 PM
Tis Himself... HAHAHA ... no.
JC
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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May 18, 2009 4:35 PM
Note to self: Wear condom while near fishtank.
Posted by: Ichthyic | May 18, 2009 4:39 PM
Do note that there are only one or two actual documented cases of a candiru entering the urethra of a person (and one of those looks much like the case under discussion here).
No, they don't jump out of the water and swim up streams of urine.
(that's impossible, btw)
If you're swimming in South American waters, this should be the least of your worries. Frankly, I'd be more worried about contracting one of the nastier parasitic diseases. Or, if you're looking for more macrofaunal fears, you might try caiman:
http://www.trinidadexpress.com/index.pl/article_news?id=161468327
Posted by: Patrick | May 18, 2009 4:41 PM
One in a million shot Doc, one in a million!
Posted by: Murgadroid | May 18, 2009 5:02 PM
Yeah, but you should have seen the one that got away!
Posted by: Mrs Tilton
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May 18, 2009 5:04 PM
Ichthyic @48,
there are only one or two actual documented cases of a candiru entering the urethra of a person
That's as may be, but at least one of those cases was documented by the surgeon who removed the fish from the poor victim's lad. Documented with copious photographs. Sometimes, Google Image is not your friend.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | May 18, 2009 5:11 PM
The Candiru Song
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | May 18, 2009 6:03 PM
I watched the video that #10 linked to and all I gotta say is that the kid better pray that the SPCA doesn't get a look at it!
Poor little fishy, all dead and floating in pee. Why, it just makes you cry. And the video showed a big chunk missing from the poor critter's tail. No doubt a wound inflicted when the kid realized his mistake a made a desperate, last second attempt to pull the poor fishy out. (The case history made no mention of the bit of tail fin under the kid's fingernails, but had they looked . . .)
*nice to have an inside look at the facts. thanks 386sx.*
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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May 18, 2009 6:16 PM
@Crudely Wrott #53: It's fish abortion. Expect to see it on giant signs soon.
Posted by: Stephanurus | May 18, 2009 6:28 PM
Watch "River Monsters" on Animal Planet. The segment on the Candiru in the Amazon was a part of a larger segment on the big fish the correspondent (Jeremy Wade) was after. They actually caught some candiru and talked to the urologist who used an endoscope to remove it from the victim. The remains of the fish are preserved in a jar somewhere in Brazil.
Stephanurus
Posted by: Kausik Datta | May 18, 2009 6:36 PM
Why has the good Rev forsaken bacon, and is now blogging about sausage? Sigh!Posted by: John Phillips, FCD | May 18, 2009 6:38 PM
That will teach him to teabag the fish.
Posted by: wooddragon | May 18, 2009 7:45 PM
In the Animal Planet video, the doctor's name was "Dr. Johnson." *snigger*
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | May 18, 2009 7:45 PM
MMmmmm. Backed brown trout. You need at least a four pounder. Some chopped onions, 'taters stuffed inside. Your choice of additional ingredients and seasoning. Wrapped in foil and placed lovingly on the coals. Cooking time varies but is normally short.
But before you wrap the fish in foil, wrap it in bacon!
You won't regret it.
*to obtain a four pound brown, try a Mepps, or a Panther Martin on six pound test mono in slow water, ten pound in fast.*
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | May 18, 2009 7:57 PM
there is no 'c' in 'baked'
RBDC syndrome. In comparison, swine flu is nothing. Except that it comes from swine, as does bacon.
Worlds with worlds . . .
Posted by: eddie
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May 18, 2009 8:01 PM
We always have vinegar on our fish and chips.
Posted by: Longtime Lurker | May 18, 2009 8:10 PM
I imagine this kid and potato vicar would devastate a fish and chips shop.
Posted by: Alex Deam
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May 18, 2009 10:17 PM
That better be legal.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 19, 2009 12:07 AM
Does anyone else suspect that the guy mistook "fist" for "fish"? Perhaps he got the wrong idea when he was told he should clean his aquarium with special tools?
There are supposedly such parasitic fish in sections of the Amazon river and they seem to seek out amines (found in fish gills and many other places) but they apparently don't discriminate between amines in fish gills and urea in human urinary tracts.
Posted by: MadScientist | May 19, 2009 12:22 AM
@Crudely Wrott #59: I just stuff 'em with onion, tomato, cracked black pepper, salt, maybe throw in a bay leaf if there's one lying around. The aluminum foil works fine, but if you're in a region where you can get banana leaves, wrap it in banana leaves and throw it into the coals; when most of the leaves have burned away (you might even leave it until some fish skin is exposed) you have perfectly steamed trout. Dang, now I'm hungry.
Posted by: Darren | May 19, 2009 1:56 AM
Funny... but not as funny as potato vicar: http://tinyurl.com/57z4sv
Posted by: CS | May 19, 2009 2:56 PM
#55 I saw that too! Glad to know I'm not the only one watching that great series.