…and this is a 
That horrible little Christian parody site, Christwire, is attacking me! It's terrible! They have publicly made this wicked accusation: "Professor Meyers and the Pharyngula peddle off tentacle anime pornography." I am aghast. I would sue their slandering, sanctimonious little butts off, except, of course, that their claim is actually true, and I'm actually rather proud of my small role in promoting a universal interest in animal sex.
I'm therefore going to have to fire back directly by linking to them and hammering down their bandwidth. Go ahead, visit their site until you reduce it to a stammering series of 404 errors.
And right after you've choked them off, you can read these articles just to spite them.
Comments
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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May 26, 2009 5:50 PM
Wow. Why the hell am I going elsewhere for my porn then?
Thanks PZ, for the one-stop-shop.
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | May 26, 2009 5:51 PM
OK, even seeing as how PZ identifies the site as a parody in his first sentence, how many comments until someone takes it seriously?
I give it two.
Posted by: Shamelessly Atheist | May 26, 2009 5:52 PM
And just like real Christian sites, they spelled your name wrong...
Posted by: Ichthyic | May 26, 2009 5:54 PM
for those that missed it:
Green Porno!
Posted by: Holbach
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May 26, 2009 6:02 PM
What a site: "christmire". In a way I am glad that they are there, for what better opportunity to witness the insanity in a maniacal cartoonish screed! They are hilarious and don't even know it! Every time they think they weaken the nation!
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | May 26, 2009 6:04 PM
OK, three.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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May 26, 2009 6:05 PM
You were wrong, it was five.
Posted by: Mike V
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May 26, 2009 6:06 PM
Half-Price Books had 'How Animals Have Sex: A Guide to the Reproductive Habits of Creatures Great and Small' by David Strorm for $1 and I couldn't resist. It's very funny, and full of things that I really probably didn't want to know. :)
Regarding the Paper Nautilus, the entry begins: "Some things can really make you take a long, hard look at what you're doing with your life. Watching a sad documentary about tiny Romanian orphans. Seeing a baby lamb being born. Finding yourself typing the sentence 'detachable swimming penis'."
Posted by: Teleprompter
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May 26, 2009 6:07 PM
"OK, even seeing as how PZ identifies the site as a parody in his first sentence, how many comments until someone takes it seriously?
I give it two."
Hahaha. Reading comprehension, fail.
Posted by: Quidam
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May 26, 2009 6:08 PM
I've never been able to get into Christwire. I always get Hillary's warm smiling 404 page. Am I missing anything?
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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May 26, 2009 6:10 PM
oh great. all that pr0n, and I have to go to work and look at boring mammalian mammaries :-(
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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May 26, 2009 6:14 PM
hmmm.... mammalian mammaries is redundant, isn't it? ah well. either way, I'd still rather sit here and go through the links :-p
Incidentally "Green Porno" (link in #4) is fucking awesome
Posted by: The Science Pundit
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May 26, 2009 6:23 PM
What's missing from the spider Kama Sutra is H. Sadistica's traumatic insemination.
Posted by: Cath the Canberra Cook | May 26, 2009 6:25 PM
W00t! As everyone knows, us girlz like our pr0n more textual than visual, so thanks to PZ. May I also recommend Olivia Judson's book Dr Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation. And the TV series, which includes science presented by interpretive dance.
Posted by: uriel1972 | May 26, 2009 6:32 PM
It's been 404 about 12-14hrs now :/ I really want to get back into christwire /sigh
Posted by: Otto
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May 26, 2009 6:34 PM
Ah, tentacle sex!
The cast:
http://www.ghastlycomic.com/cast.html
An episode:
http://www.ghastlycomic.com/d/20031019.html
Posted by: Jesse | May 26, 2009 6:40 PM
LOL
"404 Server Error - Page or Article Not Found
ChristWire.org Our holy servers are currently experiencing miraculous amounts of high traffic and atheistic evils."
Posted by: John Hill | May 26, 2009 6:51 PM
Umm, your list reminds me of a Joe Bob Briggs movie review.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | May 26, 2009 6:55 PM
Birds.
Do it.
Bees...do It.
Even edyoocated
Fleas
Do It.
...
-C. Porter
Posted by: firemancarl | May 26, 2009 6:56 PM
What great site, I get a laugh every time I go there. What I love about it, is that it's an obvious poe site, but it is just loony enough to reel people in!
Posted by: IAmMarauder | May 26, 2009 6:59 PM
@Quidam (#10)
I have gotten the exact same result. It is almost as though my very desire to visit the page causes it to become overloaded... Now, if only I could do that to some other sites as well.
Posted by: ZK
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May 26, 2009 7:23 PM
Hey, PZ, according to the comments you are "a disgusting man with a beard full of dirty things".
OK, fess up dude, how do I get "dirty things" in my beard? Come on, give a little, we should be told, you know you want to!
:-)
Posted by: ballookey | May 26, 2009 7:26 PM
That's a dirty little RSS icon they have there considering how puritanical they are.
Posted by: cameron | May 26, 2009 7:26 PM
I'm still trying to figure out if Conservapedia is a parody site. It's so hard to tell.
Posted by: Geoff Alexander | May 26, 2009 7:28 PM
Why aren't you teaching English Comp?
Posted by: Geoff Alexander | May 26, 2009 7:31 PM
Why aren't you teaching English Comp?
Posted by: ZK
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May 26, 2009 7:35 PM
@24
Er, are you suggesting that Conservapedia isn't a parody site?
:-)
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | May 26, 2009 7:39 PM
Always the 404 for me, too.
Posted by: Romeo Vitelli | May 26, 2009 7:53 PM
``Always the 404 for me, too.``
Great, you broke their site. Now they`re going to go on the 700 Club and bleat about how they`re under attack by the evil Godless hordes. That should boost their funding.
Posted by: lalle | May 26, 2009 8:37 PM
their 404 error page choked me with laughter! they CANNOT be serious!
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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May 26, 2009 8:37 PM
See, that's the problem about evolution in a nutshell, it's all about sex.
Going to credit sex for the magic of life? What heathens! Pure and celibate magic causes everything good.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Posted by: keely | May 26, 2009 9:13 PM
If you've got some time, this talk entitled "Darwin & Your Sex Life" was put on as part of the Vancouver Evolution festival earlier this year.
It's a video recording of the talk given by Dr. Elizabeth Elle, and even if you don't watch the whole thing, fast forward to a little over halfway to the part about mammalian penis's. It's really quite interesting, and I thought a pretty good talk overall.
http://www.sfu.ca/lidcvan/clients/continuing_studies/science/darwin_series_2009/darwin-series_5_feb26-09.mov
Enjoy the video!
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble | May 26, 2009 9:59 PM
Mammalian shmalian... the best penis is the Pygmalion penis.
The Pygmalion penis begins its existence as a poor, miserable and ignorant excuse for a penis, but in the hands of an educated man it increases in wisdom and stature until it's ready to enter society. The proud owner of this transformed member can then go a-courting with confidence, all the while singing tunefully: "The Lord above gave me a rod of iron--but / With a little bit of luck, when it's time to have a fuck,/ Someone else'll do the blinkin' work!'
(and before you ask--rumours of my death were grossly exaggerated. HappyKiwi is a lugubrious twat with a multiple personality disorder)
Posted by: Fred Nurke | May 26, 2009 10:20 PM
HAHAHA just imagining the Xian dad praying, then sending Mom and the kids out of the room while he views the cephaloporn ... over and over again! Oh, yes dear, the box of tissues is for the tears I will weep at the intrusion of demonic gay marriage between octopodes and babylonian whores.
Posted by: Max | May 26, 2009 10:30 PM
I first read about the large size of human penises being privy to A. Zahavi's handicap principle in The Selfish Gene, actually.
Posted by: BeccaTheCyborg | May 26, 2009 10:33 PM
I love it when you talk smut, PZ.
Posted by: BeccaTheCyborg | May 26, 2009 10:37 PM
I love it when you talk smut, PZ.
Posted by: Alex Deam
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May 26, 2009 10:54 PM
Are you sure this is a healthy obsession PZ?
Ah shucks, what do I know? I'm the guy with the freaky predilection for the female members of the Homo sapiens species, and how weird is that? Who am I to judge?
Posted by: Dean Booth | May 26, 2009 11:07 PM
I read your post on the evolution of the mammalian vagina, but I think this is one case where I have to agree with the Creationists. It seems clear that this particular organ was created by God.
Posted by: coyotenose | May 26, 2009 11:16 PM
They're not slandering you! They resent that!
Slander is spoken. In print it's "libel".
/endJJonahJameson
Also, doesn't "slanderous" sound vaguely like a tentacle sex act?
Posted by: F | May 26, 2009 11:35 PM
"Go ahead, visit their site until you reduce it to a stammering series of 404 errors."
Until I visited again today, all I ever got was the 404. I'll admit, though, that it was the best 404 I'd ever seen.
I smell an unholy alliance.
Posted by: atomjack | May 26, 2009 11:45 PM
Atheist SUPERSITE Pharyngula.com...sweet! You've made the big-time, PZ!
The terrorists of the science site identify themselves as the ‘Pharyngula’ and follow notorious evolution-monger PZ Meyers, a man who purportedly professes to ‘ejaculate’ atheism. Huh- sperm have a religion? Who knew?
I understand atheists want children to believe in evolution so they can get their abortion and gay marriage agenda passed, but helping the Japanese sneak their anime tentacle fornication into this nation is pure betrayal!
PZ, you...you...you EVOLUTION-MONGER, you!
This is pure hilarity!
Posted by: Ouchimoo | May 27, 2009 12:30 AM
so. . .what proof do you have that this really is a parody site. I can't tell!
Posted by: Krubozumo Nyankoye | May 27, 2009 1:06 AM
Oh my... I have lost track is TypeKey still being dictatorial or can I post? We shall see.
After all this time in the 'bush' I am greeted by this post, shocking, shocking. Compounding the felony are comments from an erstwhile Kiwi whose Batzrubble is apparently polluted by gaseous emmisions, sundry characters including a Bostonian (if I recall correctly) gay who's erudition and cooking habits have been aired extensively, as well as the usual suspects such as the emminent Davidson who strive to seem normal all conflated and compounded with this idolatrous fascination for tentacle sex... hummmm may I just see what you have there in your pocket, coiling his suckered appendage netherwards.
Ye DOGS people have you no SHAME!!!?? Must you, must you involve the elegant and refined science of BIOLOGY with the grave and hopeless SIN of SEX? You are all damned I tell ye, damned to eternal suffering and hellfire, condemned to the sulferous pit where you will writhe together naked in your obscentity...
Oh wait... I'll come in again.
Posted by: Krubozumo Nyankoye | May 27, 2009 1:21 AM
Obscentity: n.; unhealthy fascination with the mammaries.
"Get thee to a mammary!"
Shakespere; Hamlet, act II scene III.
Posted by: militant_scientist_617 | May 27, 2009 1:36 AM
Woah! WHAT HAVE I BEEN MISSING OUT ON!!
the latest from x-wire;
"Most Delivered
* I Am Extremely Terrified Of Chinese People - 1,919,277 views
* Is It Ok For My Christian Daughter To Masturbate? - 936,960 views
* Zombie Jesus Jokes from Atheists - 884,375 views
* G4TV Uses Games to Lurer Young Boys Into Sin - 670,867 views
* College Humor Promotes Gay Office Relationships - 548,901 views
* Marvel Now Promotes Gay Agenda With Wolverine Toy - 427,683 views"
Posted by: militant_scientist_617 | May 27, 2009 1:37 AM
Woah! WHAT HAVE I BEEN MISSING OUT ON!!
the latest from x-wire;
"Most Delivered
* I Am Extremely Terrified Of Chinese People - 1,919,277 views
* Is It Ok For My Christian Daughter To Masturbate? - 936,960 views
* Zombie Jesus Jokes from Atheists - 884,375 views
* G4TV Uses Games to Lurer Young Boys Into Sin - 670,867 views
* College Humor Promotes Gay Office Relationships - 548,901 views
* Marvel Now Promotes Gay Agenda With Wolverine Toy - 427,683 views"
Posted by: Lord Zero | May 27, 2009 1:40 AM
As an Otaku myself i cant but to feel
kinda happy to hear than Anime is put
on the same level of "liberalism" as
the teaching of Evolution...
I mean, its means than is even
greater than i thought !
Thx PZ, you always make my day!
Posted by: Lord Zero | May 27, 2009 1:43 AM
As an Otaku myself i cant but to feel
kinda happy to hear than Anime is put
on the same level of "liberalism" as
the teaching of Evolution...
I mean, its means than is even
greater than i thought !
Thx PZ, you always make my day!
Posted by: JohnnieCanuck
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May 27, 2009 1:46 AM
I see you noticed that as well, K. N. I was going to suggest either one more or one less T.
With inspiration from that incarcerated kiwi, I note your name has, amongst others, the anagram 'My Ouzo Ken, Your Bank'.
Speaking of kiwis, that SFU sex talk included an X-ray of a female and her unlaid egg. The egg is 15 to 20% of the female's body weight.
Oof, there's got to be pain involved with that much ouef. :-P
Posted by: militant_scientist_617 | May 27, 2009 1:47 AM
Woah! WHAT HAVE I BEEN MISSING OUT ON!!
the latest from x-wire;
"Most Delivered
* I Am Extremely Terrified Of Chinese People - 1,919,277 views
* Is It Ok For My Christian Daughter To Masturbate? - 936,960 views
* Zombie Jesus Jokes from Atheists - 884,375 views
* G4TV Uses Games to Lurer Young Boys Into Sin - 670,867 views
* College Humor Promotes Gay Office Relationships - 548,901 views
* Marvel Now Promotes Gay Agenda With Wolverine Toy - 427,683 views"
Posted by: militant_scientist_617 | May 27, 2009 1:53 AM
Woah! WHAT HAVE I BEEN MISSING OUT ON!!
the latest from x-wire;
"Most Delivered
* I Am Extremely Terrified Of Chinese People - 1,919,277 views
* Is It Ok For My Christian Daughter To Masturbate? - 936,960 views
* Zombie Jesus Jokes from Atheists - 884,375 views
* G4TV Uses Games to Lurer Young Boys Into Sin - 670,867 views
* College Humor Promotes Gay Office Relationships - 548,901 views
* Marvel Now Promotes Gay Agenda With Wolverine Toy - 427,683 views"
Posted by: John Morales | May 27, 2009 2:05 AM
militant_scientist_617, double-posting is perhaps excusable, triple-posting less so, but quadruple posting?
Posted by: Marion Delgado | May 27, 2009 2:20 AM
You're taking bribes from Isabella Rossellini! I knew'd it!
But what does Objective:Christian Ministries think of Pharyngula?
Posted by: Marion Delgado | May 27, 2009 2:35 AM
You're taking bribes from Isabella Rossellini! I knew'd it!
But what does Objective:Christian Ministries think of Pharyngula?
Posted by: Happy Tentacles
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May 27, 2009 3:03 AM
All I ever get is the 404, which is hilarious enough, but it sounds at though the actual site is even funnier!
When the 404 page comes up, I've been having problems getting out of it and back to Pharyngula. Has this been happening to anybody else? Or do the ravening godbotherers just want to trap me forever in their freakish world?
Posted by: David Wood | May 27, 2009 3:23 AM
I'm not sure they should be so blatently sexist while trying to make this point. I quote: "something in the back of my mind continued to nag me, like a wife without enough housework."
Posted by: maddyhatter
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May 27, 2009 3:37 AM
I'd missed that octopus sex post. How cool,
Holy shit.
Wow. Well, that's what you get.
Posted by: AnonymousCoward23 | May 27, 2009 3:48 AM
BAM
Posted by: Tassie Devil | May 27, 2009 3:48 AM
From the site:
The 404 Error message was created by an unholy menagerie of vile atheists, Democrats, liberals and Godless Soviets in the Year of our Lord 1992. We're told through electronic pathogens and demonic incantation rituals, they managed to create ways to electronically limit the amount of lost souls and seekers of truth that 'web servers' could process in a given minute.
Though their machinations are evil and everlasting, through hope, prayer and clicking refresh you can eventually overcome these wicked limits during times when tens of thousands of people flock to ChristWire per hour to discover the works of True Christians.
During these trying times, feel free to also join some of our Moral Leaders and core Community Pillars at their respective edifices:
Pastor Jack Gould - Christian Coalition of America
Dr. Pat Heinkel - Answers in Genesis, Incredible Creatures that Defy Evolution
Joe P. Reagan - TownHall.com
Posted by: MadScientist
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May 27, 2009 5:20 AM
Huh ... for a moment there I thought PZ was going to say that the shitbag Markuze was back.
Posted by: flim flam | May 27, 2009 7:07 AM
"The Burden of bearing a massive Penis" would look so awesome on the front of a t-shirt. Perfect for the godless cephalaporn loving man in your life....
Posted by: DaveH | May 27, 2009 7:14 AM
Cath TCC at 14 sez:
Oh yeah? This is what visual girl pr0n looks like. ;)
Posted by: Cath the Canberra Cook | May 27, 2009 7:42 AM
Oh hahaha.
*blows raspberries and returns to reviewing the Ghastly comic archive.*
Hmmm, I'd never noticed the lack of bacon there until now.
Posted by: MadScientist
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May 27, 2009 8:18 AM
Oh, while we're on the topic of sex, here's a blurb about a former "Lara Croft":
http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/toddler/reallife-lara-croft-defends-her-right-to-breastfeed-20090518-bcci.html?s_rid=xpromo:lara_croft:eb:toddler:26may09:2jun09
I just can't understand this infatuation with teats on the one hand and this fear of seeing teats feeding a kid in public. If humans evolve to be that stupid, the species is doomed. On the other hand maybe only the stupid are doomed and that could be a good thing. Then again stupid doesn't necessarily breed stupid and genius doesn't necessarily breed genius - we're doomed all right.
Posted by: Sauceress | May 27, 2009 8:42 AM
No penis fencing flatworms PZ?
Posted by: FastLane | May 27, 2009 8:59 AM
The question about a site like christwire is:
Is it unintentional, or intentional, parody? Who really knows?
Posted by: Ranson | May 27, 2009 9:05 AM
Every couple of years I find myself over at Ghastly's. I don't know why. That comic horrifies even me, and I'm fucked up.
Posted by: Dan52
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May 27, 2009 9:56 AM
I wasn't sure that Christwire was a parody site, but after finally reading this article, I think it is. However, links to legit christian sites and article content are spot-on the christian agenda and far too many will not see the site as a parody. Oh well.........
Posted by: BAllanJ | May 27, 2009 10:01 AM
But what if they have to move their lips when they type?
Posted by: JC | May 27, 2009 11:44 AM
The theory around the water cooler is that an admin of Shoutwire got bored one day and created Christwire to spam Shoutwire with lulz.
Posted by: JC | May 27, 2009 11:46 AM
The theory around the water cooler is that an admin of Shoutwire got bored one day and created Christwire to spam Shoutwire with lulz.
Posted by: Lambert | May 27, 2009 12:22 PM
BWAAAA! Their entire site is blocked by my corporate web nanny as it is categorized as 'Tasteless' ;-(
Posted by: Stu
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May 27, 2009 12:24 PM
I wasn't sure that Christwire was a parody site, but after finally reading this article, I think it is.
You THINK so? What made you come to that difficult conclusion? Could it be the fifth word of this post, perhaps?
Posted by: Lambert | May 27, 2009 12:25 PM
BWAAAA! Their entire site is blocked by my corporate web nanny as it is categorized as 'Tasteless' ;-(
Posted by: bc | May 27, 2009 5:38 PM
That is just fucking HILARIOUS! The 404 message alone is worth the trip...but finally getting into the site, and experiencing the LOLS for myself...oh, but it is sublime. Thanks, oh ejaculating atheist PZ!!!
Posted by: JR | May 27, 2009 6:39 PM
That site totally had me. Poe's law, I guess. "Pornagraphy." Ha!
Posted by: Radwaste | May 27, 2009 8:55 PM
No such thread would be complete without mentioning Eccentrica Gallumbits, so here you go.
Bang!
Posted by: astrounit | May 27, 2009 10:44 PM
Oooh...
I wonder how they manage to multiply like rats.
A hundred to one says it doesn't involve prayer - unless one considers repeating "Oh God!" (um, while "engaged") is "praying".
And then I'll wager EVERYTHING against conception having ANYTHING to do with the uttering.
Wait until we learn how extraterrestrials might "do it". It could send half the population of the planet into the looney bin.
Posted by: Peter B.
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May 27, 2009 11:00 PM
Granted, ChristWire is a "Christian Parody" site. Can anybody tell me whether www.palibandaily.com is too?
This points to a major problem. When a reasonably intelligent person has difficulty discerning between real fundamentalism and "satire", it does not bode well for the degree of negative influence being exerted on the mentally less well endowed.
My fear is a whole generation of borderline fundies who can't tell the difference become even more ultra-extreme.
And lets face it, under the previous administration, they nearly managed to start World War III.
Posted by: hyphenate | May 27, 2009 11:46 PM
OMG--you're making me laugh too much, and cause great pain--I bruised my ribs about 10 days ago, and laughing hurts.
I have to wait until the pain subsides a bit before reading much more on the subject at hand, although the first five paragraphs of the great christwire article made me laugh so much I was afraid I wouldn't recover at all.
Damn! Now I have to just bookmark everything and wait a few more days to see if it helps. Carry on!
Posted by: A. | May 28, 2009 11:45 AM
Ok, I've looked at several articles on Christwire & keep waffling between thinking it's a site created by non-Christians making fun of Christians and thinking it's a site created by Christians to try and be funny, like a Christian version of the Onion or something. I can't tell!! Somebody help me!!