…and this is a 
In an awesome development, I have been chatting with Mr. Deity (which, by the way, makes me officially a prophet. I'm working on letting my beard grow long now), and he has offered to answer almost any questions you might have. What would you ask an omniscient, omnipotent being? Leave your questions in the comments, I'll pass them on, and then I'll stroll down from the mountain with the answers chiseled on digital stone tablets.
I don't want to catch any of you frolicking with golden calves while I'm getting the words of the Lord now, you hear?
And keep in mind that I'll only pass along the interesting questions. Asking for lottery numbers…not interesting. And you know I'd keep those answers for myself, anyway.
Comments
Posted by: BlakThundar | June 14, 2009 2:16 PM
Why oh why does Mr. Deity let Boy Bands (ala Backstreet Boys) and some female pop-stars (Brittany, Christina) not only continue to put out music, but also get rich doing it. Is it some form of cruel punishment?
Posted by: Michael Fonda | June 14, 2009 2:16 PM
If everything is part of your plan and if you love mankind, why did you create Satan and why did you create Hell?
Also, where did YOU come from?
Posted by: Kobra | June 14, 2009 2:19 PM
Since you are an ethical authority, what ethical theory do you subscribe to? I'm a bit utilitarian.
Posted by: Graham | June 14, 2009 2:20 PM
Mr.Deity, why oh why don't you smite arseholes like Dick, Cheney, Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Fred Phelps...etc.?
Posted by: Kome | June 14, 2009 2:20 PM
Is Lucy a demon in the sack?
Posted by: Insightful Ape | June 14, 2009 2:21 PM
OK, there is another way to query God himself. The only caveat is that you need to speak Spanish.
Here is the link to the blog of a person claiming they are God:
soydiosytengounblog.blogspot.com
Actually it is an indictment of the Roman Catholic Church. But it's the funniest thing I have seen since Mr Deity and, of course, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Posted by: Miles | June 14, 2009 2:22 PM
I would ask the BIG question if I ran into any hypothetical creator of the universe:
What were you thinking?!
Posted by: BlakThundar | June 14, 2009 2:22 PM
Also, does Miroslav Satan, from the Pittsburgh Penguins, work for Lucy?
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | June 14, 2009 2:22 PM
What I've always wondered is: WTF?
Posted by: bungoton | June 14, 2009 2:28 PM
My sister claims that there are demons everywhere in the world. I thought god was everywhere too. Do you have to constantly battle the demons that are everywhere? I would like to know what your record is when battling demons. I'm thinking you may be pretty even in the wins and losses from what I've seen of the world.
Posted by: pitje | June 14, 2009 2:30 PM
dear god,
I've been nice the whole year round, and would like to have a wii this year.
I will ask daddy if he will sweep the chimney before christmas this year.
Posted by: Susan | June 14, 2009 2:30 PM
Were we a prototype? Have you released better, more refined and advanced models into the universe now?
Posted by: ZK
|
June 14, 2009 2:31 PM
Oh Mr Diety, your "Chosen People" spent 40 years in the desert, 40 years spent eking an existence, waiting to be delivered unto the "Promised Land", a land of milk and honey. That was a joke wasn't it? Turn left for milk, honey, and orange groves, meanwhile passengers on the right get the oil.
Well?
ZK
Posted by: Brango | June 14, 2009 2:37 PM
No lottery numbers, eh... okay then how about: Given the similarities of many biblical fables across countless faiths and throughout recorded history, in many instances stretching back far beyond 6,000 years ago, what will the lottery numbers be for next... oh, wait, scratch that one...
How about: With so many of the early bible stories revealing a view of the universe remarkably similar to the level of human knowledge at the time of writing, and even Mr. Deity himself waxing lyrical on a level far below the current limits of human imagination, would it be fair to say that the winner of the British Grand Prix next weekend will be... oh, crap, who wrote these, I mean...
Oh, this is hopeless... come on, PZ, it's so blatantly obvious the god of the bible is a fraud that there's nothing other than gambling assistance worth asking him!!!
Posted by: Sky
|
June 14, 2009 2:39 PM
Mr. Deity,
Since your central requirement of humanity is that we believe in you and flatter you, why have you designed the universe in such a way that makes you redundant and undetectable? Why hide?
Posted by: snakefoot | June 14, 2009 2:43 PM
How can you possibly claim to be a loving god and at the same time be responsible for creating Brussel Sprouts? And if you're omnipotent, why did you make a desert "the holy land" when Hawaii was available?
Posted by: raven | June 14, 2009 2:45 PM
Why did you put the entire human race of, at that time , two naive brain dead people in a garden with a Tree of Knowledge? With a smart ass walking, talking snake who was a lot more intelligent than they were? And then tell them not to eat the apple from the knowledge tree?
Frankly, this looks like a total setup. If you were omniscient, you should have seen the likely resuslt. Hell, if you were 5 years old you could have seen the likely result.
If you really cared, you could have put the Tree of Knowledge somewhere else, couldn't you?
Extra Question. Where is the Tree of LIfe. Isn't that the one that is supposed to give humans supernatural powers and immortality? We may end up developing them ourselves anyway.
Posted by: Kevin Anthoney | June 14, 2009 2:45 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
We're told that Lucy, in an effort to tempt us from the path of Righteousness, conceived of the (frankly ingenious) Theory of Evolution, and even went to the trouble of planting the entire fossil record to back it up. In response, you occasionally send round an idiot to preach Pascal's Wager at us.
Is that the best you can do?
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 2:49 PM
Does this means monsieur deity will want the new code to open the lock on his harem gate, no?
Posted by: BlindRobin | June 14, 2009 2:50 PM
If you let your beard grow maybe we should call you Chernomor.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 14, 2009 2:50 PM
Mr. Diety,
Dane Cook, really? Was he necessary?
Posted by: bPer | June 14, 2009 2:51 PM
What is an example of a paradigm-busting scientific theory that we humans have not yet thought of? Be sure to show in your answer how we can demonstrate it?
Posted by: another | June 14, 2009 2:54 PM
So, Mr. Deity. All-knowing, all-powerful, all-good. Which one of those have we got wrong?
Posted by: Myrdek | June 14, 2009 2:54 PM
You mentioned an omniscient, omnipotent being so I'll assume this excludes any currently known deity. So my questions would be
Are we just like 'The Sims 3' to you? Just a game to pass the time? Are you pulling our strings or just created the universe and just 'see' what happens? Is our purpose to amuse and entertain you?
Posted by: Ward | June 14, 2009 2:55 PM
Mr. God,
Why do Adam and Eve have navels? Did you fuck up? Copy 'n' pasted the evolved humans from another continent?
You did, didn't you?
Posted by: raven | June 14, 2009 2:55 PM
Why was the Noah's Ark Rescue Mission such a dismal failure? We now know that 99% + of all life on earth is extinct. An operation with a 99% failure rate has to be seen as a catastrophe. Why has this been covered up for 4,000 years?
The Ark Rescue had heavy, continuous supernatural support while being a near total failure. If god is all powerful and omniscient, why is everything he is involved with end up as a bumbling wreck?
PS We miss our dinosaurs. Please try harder not to screw up next time.
Posted by: Alyson Miers | June 14, 2009 2:56 PM
Mr. Deity,
Why did you let the Pope go and tell thousands of Africans not to use condoms? Seriously, are you TRYING to make all of sub-Saharan Africa die slow deaths?
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 2:56 PM
Why turtles all the way down? Couldn't your subcontractors have stuck in a squid or two, or maybe a few elephants (and changed the absurd globe design to a disc)?
Posted by: Citizen Z | June 14, 2009 2:57 PM
Can you create a burrito so big, that even you yourself cannot eat it? And if so, wanna split it with me? Because I really like burritos.
Posted by: Dahan | June 14, 2009 2:57 PM
Why did you lie to us?
Posted by: Fentwin | June 14, 2009 2:57 PM
Could you create a turd sooo big that you couldn't crap it out?
Posted by: --PatF
|
June 14, 2009 3:02 PM
OK. OK. OK.
I really gotta find the answer to this one. It's been bugging me forever.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Oh,Yeah, Yeah. One more, too.
If a chicken and a half can lay an egg in a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
He's gotta know this stuff. He is all-knowing.
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 3:03 PM
What was the question I was going to ask?
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 3:04 PM
Hello, Mr. Deity, Your Holy All-Smitiness,
Who does your hair?
Posted by: Newfie | June 14, 2009 3:04 PM
The wife gets an itch on her back that she can't reach and is always getting me to scratch it. Ask him if he can divinely scratch it when it itches and save me the trouble.
.. and what Rev. BDC said. Have Mr. Cook smoted. Or, at least, his voicebox ripped out of his throat.
*raise beer skyward*
Posted by: Konrad Talmont-Kaminski | June 14, 2009 3:04 PM
Right, always wanted to know the answer to this one: Angels. Pin, head of. How many? And none of those cherubim, either. I'm talking the full-grown variety. And once you've answered that question, I want to know how you knew. And none of this 'all-knowing' guff. If it wouldn't be good enough for publication in a scientific journal it wouldn't be good enough for me. Was there any empirical testing? What was the sample size?
Posted by: Cuttlefish, OM | June 14, 2009 3:06 PM
So... Obviously, your own god is a cephalopod, but which type, specifically?
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 3:07 PM
42? Forty-two? What sort of an answer is that? Besides, everyone knows the answer is “teeth”. Except when it's “tongue”.
Posted by: Buster08 | June 14, 2009 3:11 PM
Did Will Smith sell his soul for all his success? What else could explain it?
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 3:11 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
What part does boredom play in keeping the flock in line?
I have noticed that a salient characteristic of Mormon Sunday services is lethal boredom.
Just wondering -- no criticism intended to Your All-Righty Yawniness.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 14, 2009 3:12 PM
Or the corollary
"Could you microwave a burrito so hot even you couldn't eat it?"
Posted by: Petzl
|
June 14, 2009 3:12 PM
Diety,
Why is it so important to us that you're ALL-powerful as opposed to being VERY, VERY powerful?
I mean, you've created everything we see in everyday life (Earth, sun, carbonated beverages, etc.) Why is it so important that you have the power over everything we know to exist (and everything else)?
And if you weren't all-powerful, how would we even know the difference, even as we insist that you are?
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 3:15 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
Do you have a feminine side? If so, do you sometimes wear a dress and call it "flowing robes?"
Did Eve have cellulite after she ate the apple?
Do you love me? 'Cause I love you... I've been having these dreams.
Posted by: Florian | June 14, 2009 3:15 PM
Mr. Deity is great! He personally answered an email i sent him once. He's the best!
Posted by: Newfie | June 14, 2009 3:16 PM
you should have waited 5 more minutes to post that
Posted by: JohnnieCanuck
|
June 14, 2009 3:16 PM
What need could there be to ask an intermediary to ask a hypothetically omniscient being anything? He already knows every question anyone is ever going to ask. He also knows what, if anything, he is going to answer.
Actually, the RCC already has another label for people filling this new position of yours, PZ. Petitioning the Deity is reserved for Saints, those who have his ear and can get past his voice mail technique (press 13 on your keypad for the appropriate file and leave your message after the beep).
St. PZee? St. PZed? Going to need a little gilt wash around the head in the profile picture, now. Of course, given that you are joining in the ranks with hundreds, if not thousands of other Saints, don't expect too many miracles being accredited to you.
Have you considered that this Mr. Deity patron of yours is just a fiction, a figment of the imagination? After all, the only thing Nietzsche killed was an idea, a mere concept maintained in some human skulls.
Oh, that's what you've been saying all along? Right, I knew that...
Posted by: BAllanJ | June 14, 2009 3:16 PM
I'd like to ask about the Fine Structure Constant. It's almost exactly 1/137, and 137 is prime. I'd like to know if it was an accident that it's so close to 1/137, or if it was an accident that it waqsn't exact.
Posted by: littlejohn | June 14, 2009 3:17 PM
Is their a Mrs. Deity? If not, are you gay? Or is that you just haven't created Miss Right yet? Just curious. I'm spoken for.
Posted by: Otto | June 14, 2009 3:17 PM
On a personal level:
Why have I to gain weight and why is that made worse by my inherited bad knees?
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 3:18 PM
Why did you make me forget to put the fresh garlic into the chicken-and-mushroom stew I just had for dinner tonight?
Posted by: Kevin Anthoney | June 14, 2009 3:19 PM
That's one up on the real thing!
Posted by: Canuck | June 14, 2009 3:19 PM
I've got a lot of questions, but the first one is why did the deity put in us the urge to pursue sex so intently when it seems to be, according to the religious, a "dirty" thing? That seems pretty fucked up and sinister right there. As one who has been blessed/cursed with a HUGE appetite, it seems like he didn't do us a favour.
Oh, and I have been told that the deity is a woman. What's going on there? He looks pretty much like a guy.
Posted by: SuziQ | June 14, 2009 3:20 PM
Mr. Deity,
Assuming that your existence gives validation to intelligent design theory, what is the mechanism by which you design organisms? What guides you design decision making? Are there any organisms you regret designing?
-Suz
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 3:21 PM
Dear Mr. Know-It-All Deity,
Do you have an iPhone? If so, do get all the apps from the app store for free, or what?
Posted by: Caine | June 14, 2009 3:23 PM
Are you a planet sized, electro-matter tentacled entity who goes by the name of Yivo?
Posted by: Holbach
|
June 14, 2009 3:24 PM
Why don't you admit that you don't exist? Ah, are you there?
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 3:25 PM
Oh, Your Most Wonderful Mr. Deity,
I left out the word "you" in my post @54, which should have read:
Would you please send the Rev. BigDumbChimp to Hell for this instead of me? Thanks!
Posted by: ursa major | June 14, 2009 3:27 PM
Mr Deity
How does one become a Prophet - is there some sort of Class to take or Exam to pass? I currently have the Beard but you already knew that.
Are there any Prophetorial Perks like being able to smite the stupid, the evil or the pop stars?
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 3:28 PM
No, you're thinking of the Holy Prophet St Pee the Zed of SciBorgs.
Posted by: Revyloution | June 14, 2009 3:30 PM
Exactly what is it about burning an entire animal, hair and all, that smells pleasing?
And if that smell pleases you, why do you need humans to make it? Couldn't you just declare all of Heaven to smell of burnt corpses?
Posted by: Carlie | June 14, 2009 3:33 PM
Mr. Deity,
When will Larry get a raise? He works really hard and could use a vacation.
Posted by: natural cynic | June 14, 2009 3:33 PM
Why?
[as Number Six asked The General]
Posted by: Logicel | June 14, 2009 3:36 PM
Mr. Deity Smarmy Pants, Do you know for what you are a metaphor (as the ones who do regard you as a metaphor can't seem to agree on what metaphor you represent)? And what are to going to do with the doofuses who do think you and your words/commands are just metaphors?
Posted by: Kevin Anthoney | June 14, 2009 3:39 PM
While in the Wilderness, Jesus showed his divine nature by resisting Satan's temptations to:
a) Turn the rocks into food;
b) Jump off the Temple of Jerusalem; and
c) Rule the World.
I could have managed to not do all that. What gives?
Posted by: John | June 14, 2009 3:40 PM
Does South Park have it correct when they say Mormnons got the whole God thing right?
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 3:40 PM
It's well know that heaven has beer volcanos, stripper factories, and marauding bands of fun-loving pirates. And possibly lots of squid. Paradise. However, it is rumoured the place also has Australians. Please say it ain't so!?
Posted by: Lacuna | June 14, 2009 3:41 PM
My partner's name is Aaron. I guess that isn't a good sign for not following golden calves...
Posted by: Lotharloo | June 14, 2009 3:42 PM
That Jesus guy ... is it true that you banged his mom? Where did you get the rest of the DNA? Doesn't that make somebody else his dad?
Posted by: Vadjong | June 14, 2009 3:47 PM
What is Your star sign?
Favorite color, food, pet, charity...?
PC or Mac?
Coke or Pepsi?
Yankees or Red Sox?
What is behind the Dharma Institute?
How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
What if you could go back in time and take
those hours of pain and darkness and replace
them with something better?
Was Jesus a virgin at 33 or was he gay?
Posted by: Draken | June 14, 2009 3:48 PM
What... is the airspeed velocity of a laden swallow?
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 3:50 PM
Oh, Owner of the Most Striking Countenance,
When you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, do you get all God-Addled?
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 14, 2009 3:50 PM
Hey!
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 3:52 PM
When are you going to satisfy everyone and remove the rapture-readyists? We don't want 'em, they don't want to be here, and you can put 'em anywhere else you like…
Posted by: ragarth | June 14, 2009 3:52 PM
Dear Mr. Deity, I have two questions,
Why talk through a heathen like PZ Myers? I mean, couldn't you do better through an outspoken bigot like fred phelps... y'know, choose a mascot with better lungs. All it'd take is a divinely inspired blog post and PZ Myers's login to science blogs.
2nd, if I have a wife, and she gets turned into a goat midway through, is it still beastiality? I mean, does it matter more what she started as or ended as?
Posted by: Odie O. d'Eudille | June 14, 2009 3:53 PM
Mr. Deity, sir: could you create a burrito metaphor so
convoluted that even you could not interpret it?
& what about this omnidirigence? Is that a real
attribute?
Posted by: John | June 14, 2009 3:53 PM
When you pick a NASCAR winner do you go by driver, crew and or owner? I have often wonderd how you work out sports winners? How much do God gang signs mean to you? Do you help out taller basket ball player becouse they are 2+ feet closer to you than myself?
Posted by: bobxxxx | June 14, 2009 3:56 PM
Mr. Deity, could you please tell PZ to let us know whenever a new Mr. Deity video becomes available on YouTube? Also, this worshipper would greatly appreciate more videos with Lucy in it.
Posted by: John | June 14, 2009 3:58 PM
How do you pick sports winners? How much do there God gang signs mean to you? What would happen if they forgot to pray befor a NASCAR race?
Posted by: Primewonk | June 14, 2009 3:58 PM
Mr. Deity,
Why did you think it would be a good idea to suck the hair on top of my head back inside and shoot it out my ears and nose once I turned 40?
Was it some kind of joke? Did you lose a bet with Satan? Or is it just a cosmic joke?
Posted by: AlanWCan | June 14, 2009 3:59 PM
African or European?How about: Mr. Deity, so you're all powerful and can make your image appear on pieces of toast and inside rotten potatoes (very fucking impressive BTW)...why the fuck didn't you do something about all those priests raping children in Ireland (and elsewhere)? Why are you wasting your omnipotence by appearing in the shower to brain dead evangelical dingbats to tell them to hit their wives and children with wooden paddles when there's real stuff we could be doing with some help with? What happened to Madeleine McCann? Can we have her back please? WTF is wrong with you?
Posted by: ekted | June 14, 2009 3:59 PM
Question: Even if you are omnipotent and omniscient, even if you created the entire universe and all the life in it, why should I worship you? If you could prove all of the above to me beyond any reasonable doubt, I would believe in you, but why should I worship you? Why would a being of such infinite power want something as petty, narcissistic, and egotistical as worship?
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | June 14, 2009 4:01 PM
Mr Deity, Do you like bacon?
If you do, why all the rules against it? Trying to hog it all for yourself?
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 4:01 PM
Dearest Mr. Deity,
Everybody is always harassing you for stuff and for answers to questions. And now you have Prophet PZ hanging on your coattails. It must be wearying.
So, I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank you instead:
Thank you for my clitoris! Hugs!
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 4:01 PM
Will the thread that will not die ever die?
Posted by: Saber | June 14, 2009 4:02 PM
Mr. Deity,
Why are you a guy if there's no Mrs. Deity?
Respectfully yours,
Saber
Posted by: ekted | June 14, 2009 4:02 PM
Question: Even if you are omnipotent and omniscient, even if you created the entire universe and all the life in it, why should I worship you? If you could prove all of the above to me beyond any reasonable doubt, I would believe in you, but why should I worship you? Why would a being of such infinite power want something as petty, narcissistic, and egotistical as worship?
Posted by: Randy Owens | June 14, 2009 4:02 PM
This one's for PZ, not Mr. D:
So, you do make a nice haul from this blog, then!
Posted by: ekted | June 14, 2009 4:06 PM
Question: Even if you are omnipotent and omniscient, even if you created the entire universe and all the life in it, why should I worship you? If you could prove all of the above to me beyond any reasonable doubt, I would believe in you, but why should I worship you? Why would a being of such infinite power want something as petty, narcissistic, and egotistical as worship?
Posted by: chgo_liz
|
June 14, 2009 4:07 PM
Why mosquitoes?
Posted by: Uncle Glenny
|
June 14, 2009 4:08 PM
How can you possibly claim to be a loving god and at the same time be responsible for creating Brussel Sprouts?
(following info from some UK airline or tourism ad a few years back)
Brussel Sprouts are good for you. [The bad taste is the stuff that's good for you. --UG] So we're breeding them to taste less bad.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | June 14, 2009 4:10 PM
1) What are the closest known-to-science relatives of the turtles? Surely it can't be turtles all the way down?
2) What does God want with a starship?
============================================================
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Broccoli is a man-made hybrid. And it tastes really good if you run it through a blender and eat it as a soup; it is not meant to be eaten the way cows eat grass.
In fact, he was about 12.
Sort of. Same link as above.
Science to the rescue!!! The experiment has been done, and the results were published in the Annals of Improbable Research (I think; I don't have the paper here). Woodchucks can in fact chuck wood at a rate of a few cubic centimeters per hour.
Thread won.
Posted by: abeja | June 14, 2009 4:11 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
My kids talk back to me sometimes. Am I supposed to beat them or something? I heard there was some rule about that, and you send people to hell for breaking your rules. I don't want to go to hell! And I've known some adulterers. I'm supposed to stone them, right? But isn't stoning lethal? If I kill adulterers, I'm breaking a commandment, aren't I? Then I'll go to hell for THAT!
Please advise.
Posted by: ChrisKG | June 14, 2009 4:12 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
Did you create evolution to make Ray Comfort look like a banana-loving idiot? If so, why do allow that fool to "Gump" his way through life?
C.
Posted by: ThirtyFiveUp | June 14, 2009 4:15 PM
Is this how we got a Moon? Thanks, we like it.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ybSQeWxYLE0/SC9_ZOISxnI/AAAAAAAADAk/49nYSO9VjdQ/s320/sistineresizecropped.jpg
Posted by: Sili
|
June 14, 2009 4:17 PM
David,
Brussel sprouts are not the same as broccoli.
But either is delicious.
Posted by: gistgrant | June 14, 2009 4:19 PM
Mr Deity
Whose side are you really on, the Christians or the Muslims?
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | June 14, 2009 4:22 PM
Oh, Mr Deity -
If you don't like bacon, you can send Rev. BigDumbChimp to hell for liking it so much instead of me.
Posted by: Kevin Anthoney | June 14, 2009 4:23 PM
How many Popes made it to Heaven?
Posted by: blf | June 14, 2009 4:27 PM
What is the punishment for heretics who think brussels sprouts are not only eatable, but delicious? Is it worse than what is done to people who deny the superiority of bacon? Can we make it worse? Please?
Posted by: gistgrant | June 14, 2009 4:27 PM
Mr Deity
Whose side are you really on, the Christians or the Muslims?
Posted by: LiberatedMind.com | June 14, 2009 4:30 PM
I would like to ask Mr. Deity why he thinks it is ok to set a double standard for himself and his people. "Thou Shalt Not Kill" sounds like a rule that has every exception for the maker of the rule. The bible is fulled with God-authorized or God-commanded genocides and blood baths. Can we say mafia boss?
Also, if Mr. Deity controls everything and life is subject to his power, and we consider that 2 out of every 3 pregnancies end in a miscarriage, does that make god the biggest abortionist of them all? If god is omnipotent... he is responsible for many more deaths than Dr. Tiller.
:)
Posted by: Scott M. | June 14, 2009 4:32 PM
A comment rather than a question. Please pass along my heartfelt best wishes to the diety and staff. I really, really enjoy the episodes. I will be sending along a small payment shortly to help out with the show.
Posted by: The Snooze | June 14, 2009 4:33 PM
Why are your intentions -- and in general, how you function -- beyond our understanding? I suppose another way of asking this is: what is the limit of human thought, and why does such a barrier (supposedly) exist?
Posted by: grammy | June 14, 2009 4:34 PM
What's your opinion of human sacrifice, especially if it's your own kid? Who decided something had to die to make a god happy?
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | June 14, 2009 4:34 PM
Internets won. All of them.
Posted by: Dust
|
June 14, 2009 4:37 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
Why did Kara go poof at the end of BSG?
Phillip Pullman says he is writing a novel called "The Book of Dust" could you hurry him along a bit, I'm getting antsy for new writing from him.
Why did Mine That Bird win the Derby? Was it the jockey or the horse?
That is all.
Posted by: DuckPhup | June 14, 2009 4:38 PM
OK... here's a theological question that's had me stumped for decades:
If a ram is a lamb, and a donkey's an ass... how come a ram in the ass is a goose?
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | June 14, 2009 4:42 PM
Actually, brocolli is the same species as Brussels sprouts.
But we already know that Mr. Deity doesn't like either--he's a supertaster, and more partial to lambchops.
Are we all clear that the questions are not going to God, or Yahweh, or Zeus, but rather to Mr. Deity?
Posted by: DuckPhup | June 14, 2009 4:42 PM
Oh, yeah... another one.
The criteria by which you select those you will reward with eternal life is obviously 'the most stupid and gullible'. That doesn't seem to make much sense. Exactly what are we missing there?
Posted by: steve_h | June 14, 2009 4:43 PM
I need an acquaintance to have a 'freak billion to one accident'. How does Five thousand Hail Marys up-front and then another Ten on delivery sound?
Posted by: ursulamajor | June 14, 2009 5:07 PM
Mr. Diety,
I saw the greatest message sign outside a church yesterday. It said "Don't be the appendix in the body of Christ". (Damn my no camera travels.) Did it make you laugh? What is your fav so far?
Thanks!
P.S. Bacon = Win
Brussel Sprouts = Evil
Posted by: Aenthropi | June 14, 2009 5:08 PM
I would ask him what it is like to be a false god, lesser than the true God who has revealed Himself to us in His Noodly Wisdom.
Posted by: Amy | June 14, 2009 5:11 PM
If it was so important that people be saved, why did you send Jesus to just the Middle East? Why didn't China and Africa and the Americas have a Jesus, too?
And why don't we have prehensile tails? That'd be totally cool...
Posted by: Sili
|
June 14, 2009 5:13 PM
Sven,
Where did I say "species"?
They're still tasty.
Just got a new cookbook. Shows how to reässemble a cauliflowerhead after it's cooked in pieces. Suggests that one mixes cauli and broc - I'll have to try that. Sure it'll look purdy.
Hmmm - now I'll need to look for a recipe calling for sprouts and bacon.
Posted by: Laura | June 14, 2009 5:17 PM
Will the Cubs ever win the World Series, or am I just wasting my time?
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 14, 2009 5:22 PM
Bacon and brussel sprouts together = Win
Slice sprouts in half
Blanch in boiling water for 10 seconds
Transfer immediately to ice water.
Drain completly. You want them to be as dry as possible
Chop bacon (or pancetta) into lardons
render in a large saute pan until crispy\
Remove bacon and save
Add dry blanched spoouts to bacon fat at med / high temp
Saute until the sprouts start to brown,
Add chicken stock and reduce, stirring lightly
Once reduced and a glaze starts to form
Add chopped walnuts and grated Parmesan cheese (no not the crap in the green container, real Parmesan Reggiano you grate yourself) and the bacon.
Salt and pepper to taste
Serve
good stuff.
Quantities don't matter much, so just sue as much or little of the above as you might like.
Posted by: Kevin Anthoney | June 14, 2009 5:29 PM
We've become accustomed to Jesus' image appearing in everything from pop tarts to subway walls. Recently, an apparition of a man wearing a dress and a big floral garnish in his hair has been appearing in my bedroom curtains. Is that you?
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | June 14, 2009 5:30 PM
Rev- I am not an attorney, but I think it would be a waste of thyme suing a vegetable.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 14, 2009 5:31 PM
Yes, a typo.
Something I'm rarely guilty of.
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | June 14, 2009 5:39 PM
OK - Mr Deity, can you send Rev BDC to Hell for that?
Posted by: ursulamajor | June 14, 2009 5:41 PM
As a former skeptic, I've decided to take Rev. BigDumbChimp's advice and make those Baconee Sprouts sometime this week. I'll even get the fresh block'o'parm.
You never know, I might have a religious experience. As Mae said, "I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."
Posted by: Randy Owens | June 14, 2009 5:43 PM
Perhaps Rev BDC could be damned for ending a sentence with a preposition.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 14, 2009 5:45 PM
Me fail english? Thats unpossible
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | June 14, 2009 5:48 PM
Is that something you can be damned for?
Ah shit!
Posted by: Faithless | June 14, 2009 5:50 PM
Mr Deity's wife (or - um - life partner..?) is mentioned in the new films.
I wondered why he had so carefully kept her out of the Bible? Doesn't he realise the deluge-like quantities of publicity he could have got out of the Brad-and-Angelina angle on this? Over centuries? You know, the first baby... adopted by somebody else (which would be a good twist, I think)... that sorta thing.
Ya gotta think he missed a trick.
Posted by: Jennifer | June 14, 2009 5:53 PM
1) Please explain what you were thinking with the platypus. Were you drunk? Playing a prank? Trying to one up another deity?
2) What were you doing before you created the earth, or universe and whatever else you've been credited with creating.
3)Who created you?
4) My three year old, she's evil isn't she?
Posted by: ursulamajor | June 14, 2009 5:54 PM
Gee, I ended my last message with a proposition (well, I've kinda used it that way in the past) and no one noticed!
Posted by: JohnnieCanuck
|
June 14, 2009 5:55 PM
Be careful Ben. I heard it was you that got the + and - labels mixed up for batteries, after all.
Posted by: SquidBrandon
|
June 14, 2009 5:58 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
That Jesse/Jesus fellow seems like he could be a pain in the ass. Can I take him off your hands? Please?
Most Sincerely,
SquidBrandon
Posted by: edrowland | June 14, 2009 5:59 PM
The deity would like you to know that it is a sin to improperly cook brussel sprouts.
Strip the outer leaves of each brussel sprout. With a sharp knife cut an X == each cut about a quarter of an inch deep -- in the stem. In a saucepan, bring water to a boil. Pour 1/2 cup of milk into the water, and then add the brussel sprouts. Cook breifly -- about 5 minutes. Brussel sprouts should be heated through, but still slighly crunchy.
The milk neutralizes the toxins that give brussel sprouts a strong flavor, and unmask their ideal flavor: crisp and slightly nutty.
When cooked, toss in melted butter or bacon grease.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 14, 2009 6:03 PM
Yes, take edrowland's advice and do not over cook them.
I can not vouch for the rest of his recipe.
Posted by: AdamK | June 14, 2009 6:05 PM
Just who the hell do you think you are?
Posted by: GMacs | June 14, 2009 6:06 PM
Not that I'm building any graven images or golden calves, but what is the best metal with which to smelt gold to make a durable and shiny statue, and what is the most regal breed of cattle?
Oh, also, why are my testicles in such a vulnerable position? I mean, yeah, it's fun when someone plays with them, but the tubes can get tangly. What gives?
And did you make disease,
and the diamond blue?
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | June 14, 2009 6:08 PM
What! Do you think my 'ed is on backwards?
Posted by: ursulamajor | June 14, 2009 6:09 PM
Decisions decisions! Well, RevBDC's recipe called firsties. If I like those, I'll move to #2.
Posted by: zpmorgan | June 14, 2009 6:11 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
You reduce to a mess of emotions. Ha-ha. *points at empty space*
BTW, are you okay with human genetic engineering? And why not?
Zach
Posted by: JohnnieCanuck
|
June 14, 2009 6:13 PM
Urs. Maj.
Encounters with Big Bears usually have a deflating effect on me, even ones baring propositions. This is helpful since I am a flee-er. Deflation would probably a benefit to fighters, as well. Ursula is a nice name, all the same.
Posted by: Mark | June 14, 2009 6:14 PM
Hope you don't mind—I have three questions…but the best things come in three don't they? :)
1. Why did you bother to give us free will if you were just going to treat us like children?
2. Are you bipolar? I mean, fuck, you kinda send us mixed messages—love your neighbor…kill, rape, and pillage. WTF?
3. Do you hang out with other deities? Which one is the coolest? It's Bob, isn't it?
Posted by: Harry | June 14, 2009 6:18 PM
A chance to speak to the big cheese on the otherside - let me see - is there anyone in the room with a name beginning with a letter J or it could be T who once had a pet that died, possible a dog or a cat and it made them sad. What message do you have for them?
Posted by: Acronym Jim | June 14, 2009 6:20 PM
Mr. Deity,
I've seen your videos with your co-host. Two questions here, 1: since he used to hang out with a bunch of dudes, which way does he swing and 2: is he still single?
Posted by: JDHuey | June 14, 2009 6:25 PM
How can I make sure I end up in Lucy's domain when I die. Her, I like; you, not so much.
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | June 14, 2009 6:26 PM
Attention Mr. Diety:
Remember when I was a kid and used to pause in that grove of lilacs on the way home from school?
Remember all the questions I asked you back then? And how I kept coming back to that place to ask them again? And how long I waited for some answers?
I asked as a child, literally. My heart was pure and my curiosity genuine and for a long time I really, really thought you would answer.
Well, don't worry about it any more. I've been done waiting for quite a while now, in case you hadn't noticed.
Just wanted you to know.
PS -- good luck in your eternal endeavors
Posted by: Mr. GoldPlates | June 14, 2009 6:29 PM
Mr. Diety,
It looks like you made a very good attempt to snuff out that wacky Mormon religion when you had that mob kill Joseph Smith in 1844, and then you almost took out Brigham Young in 1847 when he got really sick shortly before reaching Salt Lake City with the Mormon pioneers. Do you ever regret not finishing off Brigham Young when you had the chance?
Posted by: RM | June 14, 2009 6:42 PM
Stop giving us wisdom teeth. They're nothing but trouble.
Posted by: Scientizzle | June 14, 2009 6:50 PM
You know, I'd live to hear Mr. Diety's take on the Higgs Boson, AKA the "God Particle." Is this how matter has mass? Is the LHC just gonna create a black hole as punishment for trying to figure out how you achieved this aspect of your glorious creation? Are we asking too many questions? Does the Big Guy even know these sorts of details, or did he leave it to the Heavenly Engineers?
Posted by: The pelagic argosy sights land
|
June 14, 2009 6:54 PM
Back in the day you told Moses that no man could see your face and live, so you showed him your ass instead. Maybe I should ask you about the ass thing, but what I'm going to ask is: I've been watching Mr Deity and, as far as I can tell, I'm still alive. What happened? Did you have a facelift or something?
Posted by: Asa | June 14, 2009 6:59 PM
Dear Omniscient, Omnipotent, Wisest Being of the Universe:
Please explain your obsession with the following:
- foreskins
- the virtue of chastity
- the length of people's hair
- blood sacrifices
- genocide
- blind faith
- disabled people
- homesexuality
- human/animal sex
- getting worshipped
- the death penalty for the smallest crimes
Posted by: Carlie | June 14, 2009 7:00 PM
I will vouch for the brussels sprouts + bacon combo. I had them that way once, and it was the only time I've ever enjoyed that vegetable. Garlic was also involved.
I have not been able to reproduce it since, though. Am looking forward to trying the recipes here.
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | June 14, 2009 7:04 PM
I just noticed that in addition to me, Mr. GoldPlates and Scientizzle all spelled or dear benefactor's name wrong. Oh, the embarrassment.
Please pass on our regrets, PZ, and our profound humiliation.
*somewhere a Chimp is giggling*
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | June 14, 2009 7:07 PM
Come on, everybody knows Eric Clapton is God!
Posted by: Bill | June 14, 2009 7:17 PM
Mr. Deity,
boxers or briefs?
Posted by: Cath the Canberra Cook | June 14, 2009 7:19 PM
Brussels sprouts and bacon are excellent together. Roasted sprouts are good, and so are sprouts halved, lightly steamed and then briefly pan fried with bacon and a drizzle of balsamic vinegar. Brussels sprouts overcooked are truly disgusting, though.
Mr Deity, where did I leave my mobile phone?
Posted by: One Eyed Jack | June 14, 2009 7:20 PM
Joan Rivers?
Posted by: LRA | June 14, 2009 7:23 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
Could I please have Jesus' phone number? I'm seriously interested in having him indwell in me! *giggle*
Posted by: bobxxxx | June 14, 2009 7:31 PM
Mr. Diety, I have asked your idiot Christian worshippers this many times, but I never get a satisfactory answer. Exactly where are heaven and hell?
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 7:32 PM
Hello, Your Deitiness, (not to be confused with daintiness):
When did you first realize that Lucy is smarter than you are?
Posted by: notstradamus | June 14, 2009 7:33 PM
I would be remiss if I did not recount the conversation I had with the spirit of Renee' DesCarte, when he confessed, "Je suis un dieu, vous suis un dieu, de l'autre côté, qui c'nest pas? Oui?" Or is that just a wee bit selfish?
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 14, 2009 7:34 PM
You know I left the garlic out. I knew I was forgetting something.... something important.
Posted by: notstradamus | June 14, 2009 7:37 PM
I would be remiss if I did not recount the conversation I had with the spirit of Renee' DesCarte, when he confessed, "Je suis un dieu, vous suis un dieu, de l'autre côté, qui c'nest pas? Oui?" Or is that just a wee bit selfish?
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble | June 14, 2009 7:44 PM
SMOGGY FINDS CULTURE
Cut broccoli into florets and boil lightly until cooked but still crunchy, drain;
At the same time fry in olive oil 6 rashers of finely sliced pancetta or bacon with a chopped clove of garlic and some onion until pancetta is beginning to crisp;
Season pancetta with salt, pepper, pinch of chilli flakes than add broccoli and combine over heat for about a minute.
Toss in a bowl with freshly cooked pasta, grate fresh parmesan over the top, serve.
A perfect light summer meal to enjoy with a well-chilled Marlborough sauvignon blanc
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble | June 14, 2009 7:47 PM
SMOGGY LOSES CULTURE
Dear Mr Deity, why did you give us fetishes?
And why does mine have to be so messy?
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 7:50 PM
Mr. Deity,
Did you hire a PR firm for that "God is Love" propaganda? You do realize that you should follow up with some actual love, right? And I'm not talking just poking virgins.
Believe me, you need a PR makeover. I can make some recommendations if you like.
Posted by: José | June 14, 2009 7:51 PM
Can you find out if he's be willing to give us one or two days a week to frolic with golden calves? Or how about the hours between 11PM and 5:30AM? (That's when God is asleep)
Posted by: Ompompanoosuc | June 14, 2009 7:54 PM
Mr. Deity,
Why is our waste management facility so close to our recreational area?
Posted by: JosherK | June 14, 2009 7:55 PM
Why does the Christian "Heaven" sound so boring? Is it supposed to lure in ignorant cretins who want nothing but to stare lazily and slack jawed at shiny golden things?
Also, as a side note, did the authors of the Christian bible actually make it to heaven, or are they burning in hell for their creative deception of the human race?
Do you routinely have the folks in heaven switch places with those in hell so the "heaven-lings" can see what they're missing? Hell sounds so much more interesting.
Posted by: Lynna | June 14, 2009 7:59 PM
Mr. Deity,
Did Milton have sex with Satan before he wrote Paradise Lost? If so, was that your idea or Satan's (or Bob's)?
Posted by: David L | June 14, 2009 8:02 PM
Since you made the male member in the first place, what do you have against foreskins? It's not like an ID or something, that's intended to be flashed to get into holy places, is it? Couldn't you just shrink it by yourself, if you needed a little trim to tell your favorites from the rest of the unwashed crowd?
Posted by: hf | June 14, 2009 8:02 PM
Does this game have a goal?
Posted by: Copernic | June 14, 2009 8:22 PM
I think Mr Deity just got about three seasons of ideas from this thread.
Posted by: a_ray_in_dilbert_space
|
June 14, 2009 8:47 PM
Braised Brussels Sprouts:
Put 2-3 tablespoons of olive oil into a casserole dish and coat the sides. Crush 2 cloves of garlic and smear it all around in the oil. Add 2 pounds of brussels sprouts and 1-2 full heads (to taste) of garlic cloves. Stir everything up to coat with olive oil and garlic. Add 1-1.5 tsp of salt. Bake in a hot oven (400 degrees F) for ~40 minutes or until the outer leaves of the sprouts start to blacken.
Try it guys. It's really awesome. Think of the sprouts as a delivery vehicle for the olive oil and garlic.
Posted by: Tom M | June 14, 2009 8:48 PM
Mr Deity, when will the god-bots give it up and acknowledge the whole sham has been about subjugation in all its variants, you know, their food, their women etc?
Actual dates and time are much appreciated, there's a lot of mon.., well, you don't need to know...what I am I saying, of course you know. Well, you know...
Posted by: Jo | June 14, 2009 8:48 PM
Could you ask Mr. Deity to have Larry look into why I can't watch videos on his website? I'm running Ubuntu 8.04 with the Firefox browser - and yes, I have Flash installed...
Oh - and maybe have Larry do it without a shirt, like when he was in the 13th dimension... And on camera... Mmmmmm - Larrilicious.
Posted by: Newfie | June 14, 2009 8:55 PM
came for the religion bash wank
stayed for the cooking with Julia Childs show
Posted by: SC, OM | June 14, 2009 8:56 PM
I triple the garlic in any recipe.
Posted by: a_ray_in_dilbert_space
|
June 14, 2009 8:59 PM
So, the Universe: 10 dimensions or 26. And if it was 10, was that largest group M1 (the Monster) made symmetric in 26 dimensions as a smoke screen like all the fossils?
Posted by: Neil B ♪ | June 14, 2009 9:03 PM
Mr./Mrs. Deity, why is the (our?) universe such a surreal entity? I mean, such as the wave function and why/how it collapses - so we don't really even know what's going on out there. (BTW "decoherence" is a fraud and solves nothing.) Despite all the prattling about wonderful simplicity and symmetry etc. why are there such ugly hangups like infinities in field energy, singularities in GR, such messy and complicated math trying to hash out stuff like strings etc? Why is the fine structure constant a logically clumsy ~1/137 instead of a mathematically nicer "one" or such? Is it anthropic? How many "other universes" did you make, if any, and why do some "possible worlds" exist and not others? Speaking of existence, what really is that in non-mathematical terms? There is no strictly logical way to define the distinction. I mean, what does "material existence" mean apart from mathematical description (MUH, MR) if any, and how can humans even think about the difference if it can't be represented as a calculation in an AI-defined formal system? (Well, it can't, so either we can't imagine that or we're not mere computational minds.)
Just askin'
Posted by: Medievalist Jon | June 14, 2009 9:06 PM
Dear Mr. Deity:
Why did Jenny dump me back in '92? Why? Why?
*sobs
Posted by: Caine | June 14, 2009 9:26 PM
Oh, omniscient one, would you please install Havelock Vetinari as the permanent prez of the United States? Thanks in advance.
Posted by: Katie Joy | June 14, 2009 9:31 PM
Mr. Deity,
Why is lint always ONE uniform color, no matter which clothes you dry?
Posted by: JosherK | June 14, 2009 9:33 PM
Neil B - The human mind is not a formal system. It's a biological neural network. You're forgetting what the "A" stands for in "AI", mistaking what's being modeled for its over-simplified model.
Don't need a God to answer that one.
Posted by: John | June 14, 2009 9:40 PM
Mr. Deity, Why did you make minorities such good dancers?
Posted by: Ken Hamm taught me all I know | June 14, 2009 9:42 PM
Ask Mr Deity why humans on average only have one testicle. That just seems so odd, since they usually come in sets of two. It is all so confusing. I can't find any explanation in the bible. I assume that means it is an irreducably complex question that disproves evolution, or gravity, or some such thing that science is trying to pull over on me.
Posted by: DocAmazing | June 14, 2009 9:48 PM
Planck's Constant--is there room for some negotiation on that?
Also, appendixes--is there a secret user code that enables their real function?
Posted by: EB | June 14, 2009 9:57 PM
One question: when is he going to make more videos?
Posted by: Sky
|
June 14, 2009 10:02 PM
Mr. Deity,
Since you are omniscient you will already know my question, so I will be blunt. Your son's hot, Lord, is he single? Straight or gay? Info please.
Posted by: Newfie | June 14, 2009 10:07 PM
just a guess.... 50% of humans are female?
Posted by: Dreamer | June 14, 2009 10:27 PM
Mr. Deity, what exactly is "god"? Is it one creature, an amalgamation of creatures, our imaginations linking together through the collective unconscious, or a cruel hoax existing for millenia as a means of social control and concentration of wealth and power?
Posted by: /Mike | June 14, 2009 10:44 PM
Is 42 really the answer to the Ultimate Question?
Posted by: Randy Owens | June 14, 2009 10:58 PM
Is that including, or in addition to, the entire season of Brussels sprouts cooking recipes?Posted by: Alice | June 14, 2009 11:17 PM
Mr. Diety,
Several questions for you:
What is the Ultimate Question to which the Answer is 42? Will the Universe really go to pot if both are known in the same universe?
Why is it better for the uterus to shed much of its lining once per month than for it to be reabsorbed? Isn't that a waste of energy and resources (iron, protein, etc.)? Do you have something against people with a uterus?
Why did you allow authors to kill off the best characters in the Star Wars novels?
One more, why is pi such a messy number? Why can't there be a nice, pretty function for the nth digit of pi in a base other than 64?
Posted by: Dahan | June 14, 2009 11:33 PM
If it's so feckin' important that we believe in you, if that's what you really want us to do, why the hell don't you give us some feckin' proof?
Oh, and if String Theory is correct, what made you decide to go with that?
Posted by: sarah | June 14, 2009 11:35 PM
Oh! Oh! I have a question! When you eat one of those wafers exactly what part of jesus is it?
Posted by: DLC | June 14, 2009 11:38 PM
Rev BDC & Ben F. "The ending of a sentence with a preposition is something up with which we shall not put. " -- Winston Churchill.
DocAmazing @183 : you get the code to unlock the appendix buff only if you bought the Collector's Edition.
For Mr Deity, PZ is his Prophet, peace be upon both:
why did you send yourself down to save us from your wrath?
this and a million other questions inquiring minds want to know!
Posted by: Phrogge | June 14, 2009 11:45 PM
Just the basics: Who, what, when, where, how and——most of all——WHY?
Posted by: Patricia, OM | June 14, 2009 11:49 PM
12 oz. fresh brussels sprouts, remove the tough outer leaves, and stem. Steam the sprouts in a steamer basket, set in a sauce pan over 2" of boiling water. Steam about 10-15 minutes until sprouts are tender, but still bright green.
In last few minutes of steaming add 1/2 cup of sweet cherries. Pitted and halved.
In a large bowl combine the sprouts, cherries, 2 tblspns. fresh lemon juice, 1/4 tspn. salt, fresh ground pepper to taste and 3 tspns olive oil. Toss together and serve hot, or at room temperature.
With a special note to Brownian, OM - we are 6 days out from fresh cherry pie. Strawberry pie - now, and strawberry/lavender jam - now.
Special note to the Chimp - the hops are set, the crop looks heavy. Our plot of bearded barley is exceptional. (Oh yeah, please don't go to hell Chimpy, things are looking good for the beer.) If Mr. Deity doesn't strike.
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | June 14, 2009 11:53 PM
Mr. Deity,
Will we ever have an effective treatment for Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder?
Would it work on lawyers and bureaucrats?
What are Super Strings made off? I mean, what sort of fundamental, indivisible whatever vibrates?
Does the fact there are hundreds of millions of African Wildcats living among us change anything?
What will PZ do when he learns he's been working for you all this time?
Posted by: llewelly | June 14, 2009 11:54 PM
I can't believe so many of you are accepting this character's 'godhood' so readily. Has any of you seen "Mr. Deity": (a) Walk on water? (b) Turn water into wine? (c) Feed 5000 people and 5 loaves to 5 cuttlefish? (d) Raise a zombie? (e) Flatten a mammoth penis?
If "Mr. Deity" cannot or will not perform these miracles, "Mr. Deity" is a fraud.
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | June 14, 2009 11:57 PM
One I forgot...
Mr. Deity,
Will Seed Media ever switch to a stable blogging engine?
Posted by: Kenn Ham taught me all I know | June 15, 2009 12:07 AM
"Ask Mr Deity why humans on average only have one testicle.
just a guess.... 50% of humans are female?"
Newfie, that can't be it, females don't have any testicles. I suppose you think humans just evolved to have on average one testicle. Since every testicle I know comes with a buddy right next door, that tells me that evolution is just plain wrong. See how plain observation by completely uneducated people can see right through all this fancy-pants learning? But if you would listen to Ken, like I do, you would know that the grand canyon disproves evolution, ....or gravity,.... or erosion- I always get those mixed up. And you know what? I bet there isn't even a transitional testicle anywhere either.
Posted by: Randy Owens | June 15, 2009 12:16 AM
Dear Mr. Deity:
When will we have pirate mode on Pharyngula again?
Posted by: Bckcntry | June 15, 2009 12:47 AM
Paricia @ 195:
Brussel sprouts and cherries? Are...are you Mr Diety...?
Posted by: crowepps | June 15, 2009 1:40 AM
The Bible is hundreds and hundreds of pages long. In all that scripture, couldn't you have found one place to point out that "children will live longer if you boil the water before drinking it"?
Posted by: A. Nonnie Mouse | June 15, 2009 1:43 AM
Mr. Diety, may I please be in charge of the "Smite" button for just a bit? I promise to use it wisely. Well...a little more wisely than you have, at least.
Posted by: blf | June 15, 2009 1:47 AM
Hum… Brussels sprouts and bacon with garlic sounds like a win; just omit the brussels sprouts and triple the garlic.
And yes, cauliflower and broccoli is great. Some garlic will goes well with it. I myself like to cover the mix in a semi-spicy warm yogurt or cheese sauce, or (sometimes) else as part of a pasta dish.
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | June 15, 2009 2:18 AM
Mr. Deity,
Quote...
Prove it.
Posted by: gistgrant | June 15, 2009 2:27 AM
Is heaven really sniney and snarkley?If so, do you recomend wearing sunglasses?
Posted by: Gus C | June 15, 2009 2:48 AM
Hello Mr Deity,
The number of hair on my head together with my boss', how many?
My boss is bald and he might have sprouts coming out on the sides soon so get counting please, your holiness.
Posted by: Orson Zedd
|
June 15, 2009 2:58 AM
Mr. Deity
Are you omnipotent enough to change your omniscient mind?
Posted by: SSiE | June 15, 2009 3:05 AM
Dear Mr Deity
I would like a short, elementary proof for the Riemann Hypotheses or the Goldbach Conjecture. At the very least, I'll settle for a shorter proof of Fermat's Last Theorem.
Amen
Posted by: gistgrant | June 15, 2009 3:13 AM
Do You consider faking an orgasm as lying? If so, please send me to Hell.
Posted by: Logicel | June 15, 2009 4:18 AM
Ooooh goodie, recipes! To build upon what has already been suggested for serving Brussel sprouts, one can substitute crumbled sauteed sausage (I use Toulouse, but sweet Italian works well also) for the bacon. And yes, the most important aspect of Brussel sprout cooking is not to cook it long enough for it to develop certain noxious tasting (and smelling) compounds, just like for cabbage.
To test for doneness in a sprout, insert gently a knife into its center (just like to test a cooked potato, a fork can crumble the item in question), and the knife should not go easily, that is, slide into the center of the sprout, that is to say, there should be a slight resistance to the knife insertion. Depending on the size and age of the sprouts cooking could be anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. And once the sprout is overcooked, forget about it. Perfectly cooked sprouts taste great with just a light toss in butter and dusted with some freshly ground nutmeg.
Also one can add other savory ingredients to the frying pan along with the sausage/bacon, garlic like sliced mushrooms. For liquid instead of chicken broth, one can add some tomato paste diluted with water or crushed tomatoes or fresh chopped tomatoes along with basil for an Italian taste (add freshly grated hard Italian cheese also of course), for a Greek style, substitute freshly squeezed lemon juice diluted with water (this will grey the sprouts a bit though) for the liquid, along with some oregano (olive oil and garlic should be in the basic preparation already) and add tiny cubes of Feta instead of the hard Italian cheese. For vegetarians, omit the bacon/sausage and perhaps add white beans (Italian style) or chick peas (Greek style) to the pan.
Cooking Brussels sprouts in milk reminds me of the French approach which is to simmer meat in milk (I had fresh pork cooked in this way and I kept saying to the host, this pork tastes like beef because the milk probably adds a subtle cowish taste, anyway it was beyond succulent).
Posted by: granddtastic | June 15, 2009 5:19 AM
What was PZ's kitty thinking in the photograph after the hair cut?
Posted by: Peter Ashby | June 15, 2009 5:25 AM
So MrDeity, sir, what is it with the changes in worship? Did you grow tired of barbecued meat? smell of blood make you sick? You had the Romans destroy the Temple in Jerusalem so the Jews could not sacrifice and so Cohen is now just a name and a Y-chromosome. Then you had the christians eat bread and drink wine. Then you scratched the wine with the moslems. Also with many of the protestant sects making the catholics look like soaks.
Will you make your bleeding mind up? and will you tell those not doing it right to shape up? seems like it would solve a lot of problems. Mine's a Talisker, no ice no water. OK?
Posted by: John Morales | June 15, 2009 5:38 AM
SC,
Hm. You ever make sopa de ajo? :)
It was one of my grandmother's favourites, I probably had it 3-4 times/month in my early childhood (when I was actually living at home). I ended up hating it.
From memory:
Fry up a whole bunch of garlic, roughly chopped, in olive oil.
Add to stock (made from vegetable odds'n'ends or leftover bones or both with some salt). If no stock, add to plain water and one stock cube.
Simmer a while.
Serve with plain crusty bread.
('course, my granny lived through the Spanish Civil War).
Posted by: Peter Ashby | June 15, 2009 5:41 AM
We do a variant of RevBDG's recipe at the winter solstice celebrations.
Halve and blanche the Brussels, fry some pancetta or bacon pieces add the sprouts and one packet of chestnuts (the shelled sort of course) sauté until the sprouts are brown and the chestnuts cooked. Serve.
Mrs Muscleguy does not like sprouts, or any vegetable for that matter, the above is designed so we can eat them at the solstice as is traditional.
BTW you should not cut an X in the bottoms of sprouts, it dries them out. They are much better lightly steamed x-less than X-ed. Done the experiment.
BTW I used to feed the 'nasty' sprout/broccoli chemical to mice in their food (it turned on a transgene). The mice didn't like the taste either, they lost weight for two days then recovered it. Basically they went bleugh! for two days, then got hungry, then got used to it. Same with young kids, make them eat their greens. Fortunately the offspring have not inherited Mrs Muscleguy's aversion, she saw to that.
Posted by: Headbhang | June 15, 2009 6:00 AM
How long have you been wearing glasses... and why?
Posted by: Rorschach | June 15, 2009 6:02 AM
Yep,off you go !
Posted by: Knockgoats | June 15, 2009 6:09 AM
Dear Mr. Deity,
Re #176, why did you make Neil B. such a pompous ass? It really wasn't very fair, either on him or on everyone else.
Posted by: Steve P. | June 15, 2009 6:24 AM
Just curious. How old are you people posting here, anyway?
From the looks of it, I'd guess the 12-13 year old range.
Bullseye, right?
Posted by: John Morales | June 15, 2009 7:04 AM
Steve P, very perspicacious. Yes, we're all children.
Posted by: Knockgoats | June 15, 2009 7:14 AM
Wow, Steve P.@219, that's original!
Here's a hint for you, moron: this is not being treated as a serious thread by anyone apart from the odd theist fuckwit and deist pompous ass.
Posted by: Knockgoats | June 15, 2009 7:18 AM
'course, my granny lived through the Spanish Civil War - John Morales
Sounds as if she could have been used as a chemical weapon - just get her to breathe at the enemy!
Posted by: Bacon Eating Atheist Jew | June 15, 2009 7:44 AM
Why won't you heal amputees? And were you responsible for Kurt Warner's Super Bowl win with the St. Louis Rams?
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 15, 2009 7:47 AM
Yes, please don't tell our mommies.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 15, 2009 7:55 AM
Oh Patricia I'm definitely trying that.
I always liked Churchill
Posted by: Slugsie | June 15, 2009 8:10 AM
Dear God, If you are all powerful - how come it took you 6 days to create the universe? Why couldn't you just snap your fingers and be done with it you slacker?
Posted by: Ranson | June 15, 2009 8:16 AM
Mr. Deity,
RE: The Scrotum
What the fuck were you thinking there?
Posted by: Darrin | June 15, 2009 8:46 AM
Mr Deity,
If being worshiped by us sinners is so god-awful important to you, why do you not simply reveal yourself to each of us so that we may find it compelling to believe. (please not in trench-coat style).
Since we know that you are already everywhere, it should be a fairly simple matter.
Follow-up : WHY do you care if we believe in/worship you any more than I care if a colony of ants believes in and worships me?
Posted by: maddogdelta | June 15, 2009 8:49 AM
I prefer to subscribe to his blog, Stuff God Hates
Posted by: Phaedrus | June 15, 2009 8:53 AM
Nipples on men. Why?
Posted by: Knockgoats | June 15, 2009 8:57 AM
RE: The Scrotum. What the fuck were you thinking there?
Last minute kludge, I reckon: the doofus suddenly realised the testicles wouldn't function properly at body temperature, and the best he could come up with was to stick them in a silly little dangle-bag.
Posted by: Cosmic Teapot | June 15, 2009 8:58 AM
Mr Deity
Why did you give me an enormous penis, but a face that curdles milk?
Posted by: Ray Ingles | June 15, 2009 9:11 AM
Can you provide an example of a Mersenne prime with 10 digits in the exponent?
(That'd at least tell us that we're dealing with something of substantially greater capabilities than humans presently have. It's much easier to check such an answer than to generate it.)
Posted by: Louis | June 15, 2009 9:15 AM
Dear Mr Deity,
Given that your are allegedly omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, can you make a rock so heavy you cannot lift it?
Louis
P.S. Apologies if this has already been asked, I didn't read the whole thread.
Posted by: ursulamajor | June 15, 2009 9:28 AM
"Oh! Oh! I have a question! When you eat one of those wafers exactly what part of jesus is it?"
Well, if you go by shape, thinly sliced cross sections of.....ewwwwwwwww!
Posted by: Knockgoats | June 15, 2009 9:39 AM
Mr. Deity,
Is it true you're ine##able.
Hmm, let me try that again: is it true you're ine^^able?
OK, one more time: is it true you're ine$$able?
Well, I guess it is! Thanks!
Posted by: pelagius | June 15, 2009 9:50 AM
Oh my dear God
Why did you create so many people, and then give them so little to do that 234 of them will rush down this cul-de-sac (that means dead end)?
Posted by: Schmeer | June 15, 2009 9:52 AM
Mr. Deity,
We all know how that communion business started with the Catholics (I'm not refering to crackergate). You know: Take this and eat it. It is my body...
What are the current thoughts of yourself and Jesse concerning communion? It's a little gruesome, isn't it? Do you have any recipes for that stale cracker? Bacon would be prefered to brussel sprouts as an ingredient.
Posted by: Krystalline Apostate | June 15, 2009 9:53 AM
@ 219:
Yes, because adults being somewhat whimsical is a clear violation of your maturity parameters. Or your sparse imagination.
Posted by: Cosmic Teapot | June 15, 2009 10:07 AM
I came down this cul de sac looking for bacon!
Posted by: eNeMeE | June 15, 2009 10:27 AM
How many goats will it cost to turn PZ's beard into tentacles?
...I could even go as high as a fatted calf, I guess.
Posted by: RJSJR | June 15, 2009 10:28 AM
Why did you lead us to believe the answer is 42, when it's really 47?
Why?
WHY, DAMN YOU?
Posted by: RJSJR | June 15, 2009 10:29 AM
Why did you lead us to believe the answer is 42, when it's really 47?
Why?
WHY, DAMN YOU?
Posted by: Marc | June 15, 2009 10:47 AM
While much ink has been spilled on "the Problem of Evil," I would like to formalize another question that I believe of equal importance.
The Problem of Bacon:
Why would a just and benevolent Creator produce such concentrated deliciousness and forbid its consumption?
You say that "The wages of Sin are Death," yet the wages of this Sin are mostly cellulite.
Posted by: Lilith | June 15, 2009 10:48 AM
Dear Mr. Deity,
How come you look so much like Rolf Harris? I was expecting you to look more like Billy Connolly.
And, if you have a miracle that you aren't using at the moment, can you send it to the Mets, because after a 0-15 loss to the Yankees, they need all the help they can get.
Posted by: gaypaganunitarianagnostic | June 15, 2009 10:50 AM
Well, this was an vast waste of web space.
Posted by: J. D. Mack | June 15, 2009 11:13 AM
Mr. Deity, you created the universe about 13.8 billion years ago. Yet you have existed for all eternity. What were you doing to amuse yourself for the trillions of trillions of years before you made the universe?
J. D.
Posted by: llewelly | June 15, 2009 12:08 PM
Oh, that's easy. 5^beagle is a Mersenne prime. 'beagle', of course, is the log base 5 of 8191 , so it has more than 10 significant digits.Posted by: Whupper | June 15, 2009 12:37 PM
Is PZ going to hell?
Posted by: ursa major - not to be confused with Ursala M | June 15, 2009 12:44 PM
@246
gaypaganunitarianagnostic:
"Well, this was an vast waste of web space."
Well, when I become a Prophet alongside the Holy PZ (pbuh) this use of Web Space will have been far, far from a waste.
And if Mr Deity grants me Smiting Powers then I will reluctantly, but with Righteous Indignation, smite thee Mightily for thine impertinence.
Waste of web space?
Heathen - go eat some brussel sprouts!
Posted by: Knockgoats | June 15, 2009 12:50 PM
"Well, this was an vast waste of web space." - gaypaganunitarianagnostic
Ha! That, from someone whose very nym is a vast waste of web space!
Posted by: Singular | June 15, 2009 12:50 PM
My question is: paper or plastic?
Posted by: Alexander Eustice | June 15, 2009 1:04 PM
The items in the cat box are arranged into seemingly random clumps, usually in all three dimensions of the box. Are these actually patterns too complex for my brain to understand and perhaps messages from God telling me the right way to was my hair?
Posted by: ursulamajor | June 15, 2009 1:24 PM
Hi Ursa,
I've been using this nick for 15+ years. Sorry if it feels like I'm stepping on yours. Hopefully there will be enough room for both of us bears.
Ursula
Posted by: Smitty | June 15, 2009 1:28 PM
Why have I not yet heard from Dick & Ed at Publishers Clearing House?
Posted by: Chris Habecker | June 15, 2009 1:28 PM
Which is mas macho: your omniscience or your omnipotence?
For example, do you have the power to change something that you did/do/will know such that you didn't/don't/won't know it?
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | June 15, 2009 1:40 PM
You should watch all of them in order if you haven't, but series 2 eps 8 & 9 are pretty funny IMO.
Posted by: Don | June 15, 2009 1:45 PM
Scissors, paper or stone?
Oh, and the socks thing. I have a drawer full of lonely socks pining for their siblings. Where are they?
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | June 15, 2009 1:47 PM
Oh yeah.
3) Whose bright idea was it exactly to use DNA as the material of heredity? It fucking falls apart when stored in water.
======================
Nope. You didn't.
In fact, there's no preposition at all in comment 121.
For you maybe, har har. (And my brother, and my sister.) Mine are coming out vertically, and there's juuuuust enough space for them. =8-) =8-) =8-)
…where "with" is a preposition, but "up" is not, it's an affix. It's part of the verb.
Hah!!! My little sister says I'm 3 years old!!!
Posted by: Mu | June 15, 2009 1:56 PM
Show you got humor. Go tell Pat Buchanan that you had a rapture, and the only guy you took was PZ, the Prophet.
Posted by: Keith B | June 15, 2009 2:15 PM
Dear Mr. Deity,
A lot of your followers like to claim that you have "put music in everything in the world." That the sound of waves, of trees in the breeze, and birds singing are all a part of your great orchestral handiwork.
Tell me, what key do you conduct the sobs of AIDS victims in?
Sincerely,
Keith Burton
Posted by: ursa major | June 15, 2009 2:21 PM
@254
"Hi Ursa,
I've been using this nick for 15+ years. Sorry if it feels like I'm stepping on yours. Hopefully there will be enough room for both of us bears." -Ursala Major
Hi Ursala,
No, no it does not feel like my nick is being stepped on as such a thing is oh so very painful. Wait, oh, nickname! That is fine - no problem - lots of wasted space for us bears to roam in.
I suspect I have used my nick a few years less than you have used yours. Oh, do you also have problems with a general grouchiness on first arising from hibernation?
Posted by: DiscomBob | June 15, 2009 2:34 PM
Why are we born to this world only to suffer and die?
Posted by: Brian G | June 15, 2009 3:00 PM
I was going to ask why you don't smite people anymore, but since it's been asked already, can you teach me to smite others? Or at least give me a direct line to you for smiting others?
Posted by: Rob Jase | June 15, 2009 3:03 PM
I've been told that you exist outside space & time.
If you're outside space, where do you put your stuff?
If you're outside time does this mean you have all of time or no time?
Are you friends with Cthulhu? He's a lot like you but taller.
Posted by: Owlmirror | June 15, 2009 3:28 PM
For some reason, the phrase "like a comet over the head of a Triassic temnospondyl" is running through my mind...
Posted by: Rufus | June 15, 2009 4:40 PM
Bill O'Reilly/Rush Limbaugh/Bush/Chenney...
A mistake, or did you do it to us, on purpose!?!
R.
Posted by: Qwerty | June 15, 2009 7:49 PM
Mr. Deity, what were you thinking when you commanded that we have no other gods before us; but then, you broke your own commandment by letting your son become a god?
Posted by: Steve Ulven | June 15, 2009 8:16 PM
Dear George Lucas impersonator,
You had every opportunity to smite your look-alike in 1999 before he could release The Phantom Menace. Why did you not?
Posted by: John B | June 15, 2009 9:12 PM
Mr. Diety:
Being an omnipotent, omniscient being, can you please demonstrate your choice of the following:
1) The reason for the negative aspects of human existence that intrinsically makes sense to every human that perceives the answer? (And no cheating making the answer undetectable to one or more humans, now!)
2) A simple, universally comprehensible way for a modern human to become as capable as yourself/Yourself. Bonus points for explaining all the options and all the drawbacks of each option, again easily comprehensible by any human.
5) Given the variety of human tongues, eating techniques, and varieties of Tootsie Pops (tm), how many licks does it take to get to the center? Answer must be a single floating-point number, and not an average, percentage, or other cop out - let's see you work that omnipotence, please!
-John B
Posted by: KevinC | June 15, 2009 10:39 PM
Mr. Deity:
In the 4th chapter of Genesis, you established as a judicial precedent that it was OK to kill an innocent person, but You would avenge the killing of a murderer seven-fold (4:15). Then You went on vacation for about a thousand years (based on counting "begats" in chapter 5). Apparently, this "Cain Precedent" was adopted and became the basis for human society (see 4:23-24).
Then You came back and were shocked--shocked!--that the result was an extremely violent society, and decided to express your deep loathing for violence by...exterminating the entire planetary biosphere with a Flood of mass destruction.
Question 1: When Cain killed Abel, did you protect him because that was the kind of offering You wanted (Hebrews 12:24)?
Question 2: When humans responded to the Flood by creating a united, peaceful society instead of a violent one (Genesis 11) why did You break it up into warring nationalities and language-groups if you don't like violence?
Question 2a: Since Your chosen method of revelation was to be your "Word," do You really think creating lots of incompatible languages was a brilliant idea?
Posted by: Debbie | June 16, 2009 3:05 AM
1. When is the "second coming" of the messiah? YOU MUST GIVE A DATE (day, month, year)!
Posted by: astrounit | June 16, 2009 3:58 AM
Asking a question of an omniscient, omnipotent being?
Okay...
As an omniscient, omnipotent being, you know all of the future as well as the past.
You know all about everything, nothing escapes you, and therefore you must know about my "question" - thousands, if not billions - of years before I pose it.
An omniscient, omnipotent being has no "need": everything is literally already apparent to you in the minutest detail.
So?
Why do you "need" to be worshipped by such a little bag of guts as me?
Why exactly is my mass of guts more important than any other similar mass?
Why would you, an omniscient, omnipotent being, NEED any information of this sort in order to be better informed?
Why bother with that "final judgement" stuff if you are already totally cognizant of the outcomes, as an omniscient, omnipotent being would be?
How can that be? Are you LESS than perfect? Are your WORKS less than "perfect"? Or are you compelled (as many of your followers contend) to apply addendum or corrective tweaks onto your creation now and then? And be OBEDIENT to the call of anyone who fervently offers you a "prayer" of intercedence?
If so, then you cannot be an omniscient, omnipotent being...
How come I - a tiny bag of guts amongst a swarm of nearly 7 billion similar bags of guts that currently infest a planet that has absoltely no hope whatsoever of sustaining that population of gut-bags for more than another century AT MOST - can SO EASILY see the logical inconsistencies related to your alleged existence?
How can a fallible creature such as a human being see ANY order in the universe you have created?
How can such fallible creatures see any contradictions?
And mark this: literally EVERYTHING we've been able to study and admire is subject to flaw, or at least an uncertainty of a given quantum state. We've OBSEVERED this, time and time again. Therefore:
1. Are your creations less "perfect" or were you perhaps a little lazy and off your game?
2. If you were at all omnisciently and omnipotently competent about it, why do we see ANYBODY who DOESN'T buy into the joke?
Long John Silver remarked to the young Hawkins after the latter had breached the former's intentions of mutiny against an asshole, something like this: "I appreciate your honesty!"
(arghhh...spit)
3. Is "honesty" a part of your creation? If so, it is difficult to explain why the vast majority of your followers so devoutely practice dishonesty.
Is that how it works then? Just ensuring that your earthly representives know how to coddle, persuade, or otherwise threaten people into "believing" in you is all that your Creation ever mattered? An omniscient, omnipotent being like you???
I was about to suggest that, "You must be kidding"...but then, omniscient, omnipotent beings never kid. Or do they?
Posted by: Strangel | June 16, 2009 12:02 PM
So.... where's my fucking pony?
Posted by: will | June 17, 2009 2:58 AM
diety: what is your position on abortion? Also, does P = NP?