…and this is a 
I have just received a message from The Almighty Lord on twitter, re the kinds of expletives people use when excited.
Strangely enough, you're right. People shout My Name when they have sex, because I am all one can think of when they're orgasmic.
This is all wrong, a myth that another patriarchal myth has promoted to his advantage. I have carried out extensive empirical research in this area for approximately 35 years, and not once have I encountered a woman who shouted out any deity's name at any time during sex. However, I have discovered one consistent phenomenon, a remarkably robust pattern of behavior that I've seen over and over again, in almost ten thousand encounters. There is one name that godless women frequently evoke at the height of passion.
Mine.
Next time some sneering, mocking Christian asks you what atheists say during sex, you've now got the data: they moan "…PZ…". Who are you going to trust on this, some imaginary ghost in the sky or Science?
Comments
Posted by: Qwerty | June 25, 2009 12:21 PM
Does the Trophy Wife (TM) know about all this research?
Did you have to visit the Applachian Trail?
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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June 25, 2009 12:22 PM
Moaning is god. Really.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Posted by: Bob L | June 25, 2009 12:24 PM
And this proves a squid fetish is just part of a normal sex life.
Posted by: Squiddhartha | June 25, 2009 12:26 PM
Moaning has bwoken, wike da fust moaning...
Posted by: James F | June 25, 2009 12:26 PM
TMI!
Posted by: tytalus | June 25, 2009 12:27 PM
I can only imagine the fun they had in peer review...one way mirrors perhaps, or is there some hot PZ video out there on the Internets?
Posted by: PZ Myers
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June 25, 2009 12:27 PM
Hey, I'm from the West coast. We call it the "hiking the Pacific Crest Trail" out there. The peaks are much higher and the valleys much deeper.
Posted by: JeffreyD | June 25, 2009 12:28 PM
I often hear, "Oh gawd", when engaged in sexual play. Unfortunately, the full phrase is usually, "Oh gawd NO".
Ciao
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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June 25, 2009 12:29 PM
not to mention the stamina required for such a feat... unless you're telling us you didn't go all the way?
Posted by: Bill Dauphin, OM | June 25, 2009 12:31 PM
10,000 encounters? That's more like the Long Trail, innit?
Posted by: ChrisKG | June 25, 2009 12:33 PM
PZ,
Why is there a www.PZ.com that is a dating service for people with STDs? Whoever it is, they must be a religious looney with a poor sense of humor.
C.
Posted by: Luke | June 25, 2009 12:34 PM
This is liberating ... I was worried I might be the only one who shouted "PZ!" when I climaxed.
Posted by: Lynna | June 25, 2009 12:34 PM
The Continental Divide National Scenic Trail has more ups and downs than the Pacific Crest Trail. Statistically speaking, greater elevation changes are experienced by hikers of the CDT.
Posted by: Bfire | June 25, 2009 12:34 PM
Were there any British babes who moaned, "Oh P Zed!"?
Posted by: SC, OM | June 25, 2009 12:38 PM
The last na
...uh, never mind.
Posted by: SEF | June 25, 2009 12:38 PM
So you're easy PZ ... ;-)
Posted by: Spiv | June 25, 2009 12:39 PM
Bollocks, are you trying to tell me you performed a double blind study? This isn't science!
(From My Experience: woman say nothing so intelligible as to be defined as language while 'in the throws.' God must be deaf. Which would explain a lot considering the effects of prayer. They sure do try though, such loud noises might well be registered by the deaf.)
Posted by: Helioprogenus | June 25, 2009 12:41 PM
If the most frequently used climactic name is what we could self-referentially identify as ours, than I'm stuck with "oh Fuck" the rest of my life? Could it be the greater proportion of European girls who'd rather use an invective than a proper noun? Time for a meta-analysis I suppose.
Posted by: RPJ | June 25, 2009 12:42 PM
But are the results repeatable? I should submit a request for a government grant to repeat this research. In the name of science, of course.
Posted by: DemetriusOfPharos | June 25, 2009 12:42 PM
I've actually heard this in a joke somewhere, that atheists make better lovers because they shout _your_ name during sex.
Posted by: Ric | June 25, 2009 12:43 PM
I learned long ago that one should get in the habit of never saying any names during sex. "Baby" is the closest I come. That way I avoid any... embarrassing moments.
Posted by: Ranson | June 25, 2009 12:43 PM
Double-blindfold, maybe, if you're into that.
Posted by: Janine, OMnivore | June 25, 2009 12:44 PM
Oh! Sweet mystery of life!
At last I've found you!
Posted by: Kome | June 25, 2009 12:45 PM
35 years and 10,000 encounters, that's about 285 encounters a year. My word, PZ, you are quite... active. How do you get any other work done?
Posted by: Qwerty | June 25, 2009 12:46 PM
Oh. those western mountains, The Grand Tetons?
Posted by: Geral | June 25, 2009 12:47 PM
Your partner definitely doesn't have to be godless to moan your name.
Posted by: skyotter | June 25, 2009 12:48 PM
wait, so not every woman laughs uncontrollably?! huh
Posted by: Nathan | June 25, 2009 12:49 PM
"…PZ…"?
Well, guess it's better than "…Professor Myers…"
Seriously though, I'm relieved to hear that hearing "…PZ…" is normal. For a while there I thought it was just me.
Posted by: Kome | June 25, 2009 12:50 PM
35 years and 10,000 encounters, that's about 285 encounters a year. My word, PZ, you are quite... active. How do you get any other work done?
Posted by: NewEnglandBob | June 25, 2009 12:50 PM
Of course, we need all the details of this research. Names, dates, outcomes, etc.
Posted by: Bill Dauphin, OM | June 25, 2009 12:51 PM
Yeah, that's kind of hard to believe. After all, doing it with your eyes closed takes half the fun out of it!
BTW, every time I post a comment and see Submission Timeout I wonder: Is that what happens right after you say your safeword?
Posted by: Geral
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June 25, 2009 12:53 PM
Your partner definitely doesn't have to be godless to moan your name.
Posted by: zaardvark | June 25, 2009 12:58 PM
Should we start calling you "Wilt"?
Posted by: Bill Dauphin, OM | June 25, 2009 12:58 PM
Chilling thought: How long 'til Andy Schlafly demands your (you should pardon the expression) raw data?
Posted by: BeamStalk | June 25, 2009 1:00 PM
So is it normal that both I and my partner yell PZ at the moment of climax?
Posted by: uppity cracka | June 25, 2009 1:03 PM
what do agnostics shout? "oh god, pz!! wait, no! oh pz, god? it can't be proven or disproven!!"
Posted by: xebecs | June 25, 2009 1:09 PM
On come on. They are saying "please", not PZ.
...and for reference, Spiv, it's "throes", not "throws".
Posted by: MattB | June 25, 2009 1:11 PM
Umm, the 'Appalachian Trail' is a reference to South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford.
Posted by: Brian | June 25, 2009 1:13 PM
Reminds me of an old joke:
You do know that women have four basic types of orgasms.
1) The positive: Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.
2) The negative: Oh no, oh no, oh no.
3) The religious: Oh God, oh God, oh God.
4) And the fake: Oh PZ, oh PZ, oh PZ.
Brian
Posted by: Zar | June 25, 2009 1:14 PM
The Almighty Lord is just conceited. People aren't necessarily shouting "God", but just "god", and are referring to another, sexier god.
Posted by: Albert Yome | June 25, 2009 1:16 PM
PZ, you are a legend!
Posted by: RamblinDude
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June 25, 2009 1:18 PM
And you escaped all those encounters unscathed? I’ve read someplace that cephalopod sex can be downright dangerous for the male.
Posted by: cypressgreen | June 25, 2009 1:20 PM
I'm getting a bumper sticker saying, "PZ does it in a thoroughly scientific way."
Posted by: Bill Dauphin, OM | June 25, 2009 1:20 PM
MattB:
Umm... just precisely which of the people who've made trail references do you imagine didn't understand that?
When your complaint that others don't get the joke turns out to be proof that you are the only one not getting the joke(s), what's the technical term for that? Somehow irony by itself doesn't seem quite sufficient.
Posted by: Anne Johnson | June 25, 2009 1:20 PM
I hope you practiced sensible family planning.
Posted by: Monado | June 25, 2009 1:21 PM
Spiv [#17], sorry to disillusion you, it's "in the throes," i.e. pangs, unless your partner is a judoka.
Mirriam-Webster's Online Dictionary:
It's an old idiom, peserved only in phrases.Posted by: Timothy | June 25, 2009 1:22 PM
Except British atheists, they scream "PZed."
Posted by: T. Converse | June 25, 2009 1:22 PM
I'm thinking that there must be a data collection error going on. In my research they are always shouting my name.
Guess I need to do more research. *smile*
Posted by: Michelle | June 25, 2009 1:24 PM
Oh Zeus, ZEUS!!! OOOOOOHHH!!!!
Posted by: Whatevermachine | June 25, 2009 1:24 PM
'PZ' - really? Even his lovers call him PZ, in the heights of passion? They don't call him Paul or Zachary? Weird...
Posted by: SaraJ
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June 25, 2009 1:24 PM
It's true, I do call out your name during sex. It really confuses my boyfriend, though. His name is Jon.
Posted by: SaraJ
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June 25, 2009 1:25 PM
It's true, I do call out your name during sex. It really confuses my boyfriend, though. His name is Jon.
Posted by: KemaTheAtheist | June 25, 2009 1:25 PM
What I figure, as someone who's part of a "mixed" relationship, is that it's a compliment when she starts saying "Oh God..."
I can't help saying something snarky though and ruining it a bit. She hasn't said it since the time I responded "I'm not God, but I'm glad you think I am."
Posted by: jb | June 25, 2009 1:26 PM
Obligatory
Posted by: SaraJ
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June 25, 2009 1:27 PM
Dammit, I knew that would happen. My bad people, sorry for the double post. I take full responsibility for my actions.
Posted by: JD | June 25, 2009 1:30 PM
PZ the penthouse playa. Standard protocol for biology profs.
SIMOTI (someone is mackin' on the internet)
Posted by: FunkyDays | June 25, 2009 1:31 PM
TMI PZ! TMI!!
Posted by: Xtine | June 25, 2009 1:34 PM
For starters, thank you for the introduction to The Almighty Lord on twitter. Up until now, I'd only followed Jesus. Actually over half a dozen Jesuses. I wrote a post about the Jesuses I have decided to follow, with guidelines on how to recognize the Real Deal. Now, this process has become further complicated b/c I now will have to follow his dad.
I'm devoted to Jesus... and would guess that I've said his name as many times as his father's during passionate moments. I hope this doesn't cause a family riff. Some Men pray harder during sex than women. That must add a whole different level of confusion around the dinner table in heaven.
Posted by: Newfie | June 25, 2009 1:37 PM
In the local nomenclature, you'd be likely to hear: "Get off me, Fadder! Yer crushin' me smokes!"
Posted by: Daniel de Rauglaudre
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June 25, 2009 1:39 PM
Mine used to say "my God!" and I answered "just call me Daniel".
Posted by: littlejohn | June 25, 2009 1:41 PM
I thought they all say "That'll be 50 bucks."
Posted by: Bryn | June 25, 2009 1:44 PM
That's all well and good, but where do I send the bill for keyboard cleaning? Is it to PZ personally or does the university cover this sort of thing?
Posted by: Wimsen | June 25, 2009 1:45 PM
I would think rational-minded folk to be strict empiricists, even during intercourse. So, the occasional "Oh f*ck!", and when in the less straightforward orifice "Oh sh*t!". However, I'm not sure what's appropriate in the case of oral.
Posted by: Chris | June 25, 2009 1:45 PM
My ex wife sometimes would mumble my name during sex. When she was awake that is....
Posted by: Blake Stacey | June 25, 2009 1:47 PM
"I do have this secret fantasy. OK, Richard Dawkins is the sexist man on Earth, and PZ Myers comes in barely second. . . ."
Funnily enough, one ScienceBlogger's name is used as a safeword. I mean, who could think you're really enjoying yourself when you scream out, "Nisbet!!"
(At ScienceOnline'09, I was bemused to discover that even the people who thought PZ Has Gone Too Far(TM) cracked jokes about Mooney/Nisbet slash fic. To the best of my knowledge, though, only one person has confessed to having a PZ/Dawkins fantasy.)
Posted by: sasqwatch
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June 25, 2009 1:48 PM
"However, I'm not sure what's appropriate in the case of oral."
Mmmputhmphrrrmurblebumpthomphchomble.
Oh... nevermind. That's what the giver sayeth.
Posted by: heliobates | June 25, 2009 1:48 PM
@ SaraJ
"Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?"
~ Annie Savoy in Bull Durham
Posted by: sasqwatch
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June 25, 2009 1:50 PM
I'm partial to "chemical chance, chemical chance!"
(kudos to Bill Hicks for that one.)
Posted by: Wimsen | June 25, 2009 1:50 PM
I would think rational-minded folk to be strict empiricists, even during intercourse. So, the occasional "Oh f*ck!", and when in the less straightforward orifice "Oh sh*t!". However, I'm not sure what's proper rational sexiquette in the case of oral.
Posted by: Bill Dauphin, OM | June 25, 2009 1:53 PM
One last comment on this: Every time I look at the thread title, I think of Mythbusters. That would be a fascinating episode, wouldn't it (though Grant would probably build a robot to test the theory, which would be kinda' weird)?
Posted by: Chris Davis | June 25, 2009 1:54 PM
Is that what they're saying? I thought it was just incoherent squeeing.
The things you learn on Pharyngula!
Posted by: James Sweet | June 25, 2009 1:55 PM
I dunno PZ, I don't think you can call your informal 35-year study "Science". Where's the control group? What about doing a double-blind study? Nope, the only way I can accept this as factual is if there is a control group of women who are not actually having sex with you, and neither you nor the woman are aware of whether or not you are having sex during the experiment.
Posted by: Matt Penfold | June 25, 2009 1:56 PM
You would watching what Grant does ?
Have the charms of Kari totally passed you by ?
Posted by: George Acosta | June 25, 2009 2:01 PM
Best post ever!!!
Posted by: George Acosta | June 25, 2009 2:04 PM
Best post ever!!!
Posted by: Bill Dauphin, OM | June 25, 2009 2:07 PM
Oh, hardly! (Would it be totally TMI to mention how hawt she still was even during her recent pregnancy?)
No, my concern was more that the Grantster's robot might get in the way, or [shudder] that it might have a... shall we say intrusive... role in the proceedings!
Posted by: damnedyankee | June 25, 2009 2:10 PM
With all due respect to PZ, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and, um - what was that other one's name? "God?" - if all goes well my partner and I should ideally be past the point of any intelligible speech whatsoever.
Posted by: Knockgoats | June 25, 2009 2:19 PM
35 years and 10,000 encounters, that's about 285 encounters a year. My word, PZ, you are quite... active. How do you get any other work done? Kome
Maybe he doesn't actually need to be physically present in each "encounter" - like the way he can make posts appear here even when he's somewhere else?
Posted by: Michael Simpson | June 25, 2009 2:20 PM
With all due respect to PZ, I am not going to have a picture of his mug in my brain while making love. It would take 10 grams of Viagra to overcome (get it....never mind) that thought.
Posted by: Bjørn Østman | June 25, 2009 2:22 PM
A-ha! Now I know why they always shout "PZ!" in the middle of it. Never quite understood that before.
Posted by: Matt Penfold | June 25, 2009 2:25 PM
"Oh, hardly! (Would it be totally TMI to mention how hawt she still was even during her recent pregnancy?)"
I live in the UK. I don't think we have caught up with you yet, as in none of the episodes I have seen is Kari pregnant. As someone who tends to find women most attractive when they have just woken up, I cannot object to your observations on how good she looked when expecting.
(I should point out that I do not get to watch Mythbusters except when no one else is at home, so later episodes may have been shown, but I never get to see them)
"No, my concern was more that the Grantster's robot might get in the way, or [shudder] that it might have a... shall we say intrusive... role in the proceedings!"
Good point. Yeah, I can see why you were worried now.
Posted by: DavidCOG
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June 25, 2009 2:32 PM
After I finished chuckling, this sketch came to mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4I1ye2gcEo
Posted by: jsoutofbiblepgs
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June 25, 2009 2:33 PM
You're onto me, PZ! My boyfriend was NOT pleased.
Posted by: Screechy Monkey | June 25, 2009 2:51 PM
Meanwhile, the accomodationists are wishing you wouldn't be so loud about it. Moan quietly, could you please?
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | June 25, 2009 2:51 PM
The above-reported statistics, when compared with a previous report of our host's encounters, lead to calculations much more intricate than dividing 10K by 35.
Braver souls than I will have to derive the full implications.
Posted by: genesgalore | June 25, 2009 2:59 PM
PZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
Posted by: Kraid | June 25, 2009 3:07 PM
Sorry PZ, but only something monosyllabic will do for me, and "P! P! P!" ain't gonna be it... which is odd because "O! O! O!" works pretty well.
Posted by: bric | June 25, 2009 3:14 PM
I thought it would be like this . . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNTlDesrY3w&feature=related
Posted by: Tom Foss | June 25, 2009 3:35 PM
This is why PZ can't sleep with creationists. They all shout "Mr. Meyers!"
Posted by: cicely
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June 25, 2009 3:38 PM
Oh, hay-ell yeah! *wink*
Posted by: Sarah | June 25, 2009 4:02 PM
You're right! I've screamed out PZ before. My boyfriend was jealous, so I had to explain... but he's still jealous. Probably cause you're so sexy. ;)
Posted by: Pulease O. Yes | June 25, 2009 4:07 PM
You're wrong PZ. It is I whose name is most often called out.
Posted by: Helioprogenus | June 25, 2009 4:10 PM
To those British ladies, it's funny hearing you shout PZed, haha. I know, if you throw two bisexual women in the mix, one British, and one American, you can have both Zees and Zeds. Speaking of which, wouldn't you two women just rather avoid the pronunciation differences and come to my place instead?
Posted by: forksmuggler | June 25, 2009 4:29 PM
PZ, you old dog, you!
Posted by: KLRessler | June 25, 2009 5:16 PM
Oh man PZ... I am going to have to test my next boyfriends 'science geek cred' now by moaning 'PZ' during sex and seeing if he gets the reference. Just an FYI.
Posted by: Southern Comfort | June 25, 2009 5:41 PM
I think you left out some letters. Isn't more like PleeZ?
Posted by: 'Tis Himself
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June 25, 2009 5:43 PM
None of my sexual partners have ever uttered "PZ" while in the throes of orgasm. I shall have to gather more data.
Posted by: tiglinda | June 25, 2009 7:43 PM
PZ just needs to change the people he is sampling with to get differant results. I dated a catholic girl in college and she used to scream "Oh God" and "Jesus" on as regular basis. Unfortuanely she tried to convert me. She was very unhappy when it didn't work.
Posted by: Charlie Foxtrot | June 25, 2009 7:48 PM
(Quiet tip of the hat to Janine for the 'Young Frankenstein' reference - almost cost me a keyboard...)
Posted by: Katkinkate | June 25, 2009 8:22 PM
Posted by: Kome @ 24 "35 years and 10,000 encounters, that's about 285 encounters a year. My word, PZ, you are quite... active. How do you get any other work done?"
Once a day, 8 days out of every 10, 10 minutes a go ... that's not a big time committment. Lots of time left for other stuff
Posted by: Walter Silveira | June 25, 2009 8:50 PM
I too admit to shouting PZ's name whilst in the fiery throes of passion.
Posted by: Alex Deam | June 25, 2009 9:46 PM
So that's how memes start.
Posted by: Alex Deam
|
June 25, 2009 9:59 PM
On the seventh day, he rests.
Posted by: CCW | June 25, 2009 11:32 PM
I get "oh... so soon?" a lot...
Go figure...
Posted by: CCW | June 25, 2009 11:35 PM
No, not really actually.
Posted by: CCW | June 25, 2009 11:37 PM
Scheisse... ruined my own joke!
Posted by: Monado | June 26, 2009 12:27 AM
I thought Janine's comment was a reference to a truly awful pun in a Spider Robinson story.
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | June 26, 2009 4:04 AM
You know, I can just see The Trophy Wife® blurting out in the throes of passion, "Paul, how many times have I asked you to take out the trash!?"
Posted by: Philip1978 | June 26, 2009 4:04 AM
I would have thought yelling Happy Monkey would also be acceptable or is that more of an apres bonk thing to say?
:)
Posted by: bric | June 26, 2009 4:50 AM
Mrs Shandy probably takes the prize for Inappropriate Utterance during Conjugal Relations
Pray my Dear, quoth my mother, have you not forgot to wind up the
clock?--Good G..! cried my father, making an exclamation, but taking
care to moderate his voice at the same time,--Did ever woman, since the
creation of the world, interrupt a man with such a silly question? Pray,
what was your father saying?--Nothing.
Posted by: inkadu | June 26, 2009 5:13 AM
Where I am now, the local god is apparently named, "¡Que rico!"
Posted by: Laurie | June 26, 2009 5:28 AM
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
that is all
Posted by: I_Heart_Iowa | June 27, 2009 1:13 AM
Funny that a theist would support the use of "god" as a word to be spoken during sex... let alone at any time of any day. For the word "god" was never intended to be invoked at all, at any moment... One historical account contends that, in the beginning, all persons were succeptible to punishment for even merely utilizing the word in worship. Only the elite few were able. Funny how things change... how the bibble adapts itself via interpretation to the desires of the current order... how quickly they forget the rules as they were instructed by that first generation. So, one minute the powers that be are saying that I will be stoned for saying "god" during praise and two thousand years later self-proclaimed pious individuals can say "OMGod" during sex (without even saying "oops, forgive me") and yet all is right with god. Hmmm... another check mark against the hypocritical nonsense.
Posted by: Miranda Hale | July 4, 2009 1:14 AM
Ha, I love this so much!