Pharyngula

Posted by: Ted Dahlberg | June 26, 2009 10:00 AM

Do you remember when we were chasing the Nazis, they'd stolen the Ark of the Covenant?

Posted by: Sili | June 26, 2009 10:01 AM

Ooooooh - the Kopts are gonna be soooooo pissed.

Posted by: Eamon Knight | June 26, 2009 10:04 AM

They even have a picture based on Ron Wyatt's work. Of the two, I'd rate Raiders of the Lost Ark as the more credible source.

Posted by: WTFWJD | June 26, 2009 10:07 AM

The Ark of the Covenant was simply a story device, like Alfred Hitchcock's 'McGuffin'.

If the thing had ever existed, how could the Jews have misplaced it?

Posted by: Bostonian | June 26, 2009 10:08 AM

Thanks for the WND visit, PZ. The page had an ad for conservative T-shirts with a photo of a woman in an "I'd rather be waterboarding" shirt. Oh, those witty conservatards! I need to go wash my hands. And my eyes. And my monitor.

BTW, the "real life Indiana Jones" who went to look for this Ark said in the article that he met the guardian who watches over it, and he has this to say about the old man:

I know the guardian ... He told me they have the real Ark and he worships 13 hours a day in front of it. When he gets through, he is covered in sweat and he's exhausted.

That's some pretty hard worshiping. Even funnier, a Tennessee historian doubts the story because it would have involved fooling God.

Rives does not believe ... that Ethiopia ever had the real Ark. "God's presence was on the mercy seat. That was the throne of God," he said. If the account were accurate, Rives said God would have been dwelling on an Ark replica in Jerusalem. "I just don't believe they could have persuaded him to sit on a fake Ark of the Covenant," he said.

The old switcharoo would never work on God.

Posted by: Ron | June 26, 2009 10:10 AM

According to Peter Griffin, you'll look like James Carville if you look at the ark when it is opened.

Posted by: tsg | June 26, 2009 10:11 AM

He explained that a special guardian lives inside the church and never leaves. Once a guardian is appointed, he stays until he dies and another man replaces him.

Apparently, they've seen two Indiana Jones movies.

Posted by: MadScientist | June 26, 2009 10:15 AM

I was wondering what the hell 'WND' was (wingnut daily?)

The article has all sorts of (boring) stories in it but is remarkably devoid of *any* information about the claimed 'ark'. I guess all will be *revealed* (in the biblical sense) at the unveiling (ooh - kinky - if you're muslim). However, having learned from Indiana Jones that the ark is a type of Pandora's Box, I will avoid looking at it. Unless of course it comes with the pillars of lightning (or was it fire) described in the bible - then I'd stare and go "oooh!"

Incidentally, if anyone is interested I have the Holy Grail in my kitchen and am willing to part for it for a few million dollars (US, not Zimbabwean dollars). It's a family heirloom, but I'm really desperate for the cash.

Posted by: Pat | June 26, 2009 10:17 AM

BTW, the WWN poll mentioned above is currently at
Yes 50%
No 45%
I don't care 5%.

Posted by: Deacon Barry | June 26, 2009 10:19 AM

Great! We can get a graphologist to ascertain God's personality from his handwriting.

Posted by: Deacon Barry | June 26, 2009 10:21 AM

Great! We can get a graphologist to ascertain God's personality from his handwriting.

Posted by: Deacon Barry | June 26, 2009 10:25 AM

Aaargh! Double post! Sorry!

Posted by: AAB | June 26, 2009 10:43 AM

whatever they have I say give it to science and let it go through testing..

Posted by: Marco Ferrari | June 26, 2009 10:49 AM

Nobody gave a damn about the ark. The news was in on the 19th of june. This is the real McCoy:

Non sono qui per dare delle prove che l'Arca sia in Etiopia, ma sono qui per dire quello che ho visto, quello che so e che posso testimoniare. Non ho detto che l'Arca sarà mostrata al mondo. E' un mistero, un oggetto di culto".

I'm not here to give proofs that the ark is in Ethiopia, but just to refer what I've seen, I know and I can testify. I didn't say the ark will be shown. It is a mystery, an object of worship.

Wanna see it? Go to Ethiopia and, if you survive, you'll tell the world.

Marco

Posted by: James F | June 26, 2009 10:51 AM

How'd they fit all the animals into that thing? Oh wait, never mind....

Posted by: MadScientist | June 26, 2009 10:54 AM

@mocular: Aaaaugh! Why did I look! Now I feel like tearing out my hair in frustration. The "wood" isn't even "petrified wood" - it was never ever wood, it's simply rock. I'm sure a geologist can even put us to sleep with the details of what type of rock, how it formed, how we get the banding, etc. It's amazing what ill-educated people claim when they claim to know everything.

Posted by: Marco Ferrari | June 26, 2009 10:58 AM

Nobody gave a damn about the ark. The news was in on the 19th of june. This is the real McCoy:

Non sono qui per dare delle prove che l'Arca sia in Etiopia, ma sono qui per dire quello che ho visto, quello che so e che posso testimoniare. Non ho detto che l'Arca sarà mostrata al mondo. E' un mistero, un oggetto di culto".

I'm not here to give proofs that the ark is in Ethiopia, but just to refer what I've seen, I know and I can testify. I didn't say the ark will be shown. It is a mystery, an object of worship.

Wanna see it? Go to Ethiopia and, if you survive, you'll tell the world.

Marco

Posted by: Trapalon | June 26, 2009 11:02 AM

If it's the one I'm thinking of, it should be interesting. It's a wooden box, the gold is long gone. There is a hole in the bottom with a lot of charred marks. The theory is they had some early type of gun powder or other flamable that they would light off before they carried the ark into battle. So the enemy would see the smoking, flaming relic and figure they were screwed.
Odds are they went throguh a few arks over time.

Posted by: Trapalon | June 26, 2009 11:07 AM

If it's the one I'm thinking of, it should be interesting. It's a wooden box, the gold is long gone. There is a hole in the bottom with a lot of charred marks. The theory is they had some early type of gun powder or other flamable that they would light off before they carried the ark into battle. So the enemy would see the smoking, flaming relic and figure they were screwed.
Odds are they went throguh a few arks over time.

Posted by: sailor1031 | June 26, 2009 11:12 AM

Sorry Sean: no ark! just bullshit or bull shit. However thanks to this thread I DID learn that the ark of noah (different ark) has been discovered. Ain't science great?

Posted by: daveau | June 26, 2009 11:14 AM

I swear I waited 5 minutes before reposting. Getting a totally new "server not found" error.

Posted by: eddie | June 26, 2009 11:32 AM

This ''you're not supposed to look'' meme gets tired. It's the same old ''don't eat the fruit of the pig'' that means don't question dogma.
PS I volunteer to have pilty waterboarded. Maybe he'll learn something.

Posted by: Cowcakes | June 26, 2009 11:53 AM

@Pat #3 Such areliable source cannot be ignored

Bloody hell now I'm distraught
http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/4783/megan-fox-is-a-man/

Posted by: Randomfactor | June 26, 2009 12:08 PM

We've been over this. The ark is somewhere very safe. We have Top Men working on it.

Posted by: Justin | June 26, 2009 12:18 PM

What a stupid thing to say. I expect more intelligence from a College professor. To use your blog to launch an infantile and meaningless verbal attack on a website you dislike is immature and idiotic. Get a life professor, the Ark is an artifact that people have been searching for for thousands of years. The scientific and archeological significance of this is astounding, if it is the real thing, this would be the greatest discovery in history. How foolish you would look. . .

Posted by: Phodopus | June 26, 2009 12:22 PM

@50: The greatest discovery in Hist.... oh wait, you must mean for people who care

Posted by: Angel Kaida | June 26, 2009 12:28 PM

#23 Matt Heath,
Thank you for doing that, because otherwise I would have had to, and I probably would have posted the whole damn song. Nick Cave FTW, seriously.

Posted by: Ralph Dosser | June 26, 2009 12:30 PM

@48 "We have Top Men working on it."

Who?

Posted by: Tony P | June 26, 2009 12:32 PM

I want to walk up to it, flip the lid and pronounce "So much for your God."

Posted by: Angel Kaida | June 26, 2009 12:37 PM

Justin,
Your concern is noted. :)

Posted by: Phodopus | June 26, 2009 12:40 PM

@55:
"You are either very immature, or have no intellectual values."

I am hard pressed to choose there. However, I merely wanted to emphasize that such an ark being the "greatest discovery in history" is a stretch, and such a strong statement is imho motivated by some kind of religious feeling. I suppose this prompted my immature comment. I have great respect for cultural artifacts, and when not long ago I had the opportunity to see a collection of 6000 year old statues, I literally felt shivers go down my spine.

Posted by: Holbach | June 26, 2009 12:56 PM

And wouldn't you know, they'll probably pry back a loose board and find the shroud of Turin! "You see, there is the proof; what more do you atheists expect to erase your doubt? A shit load of crackers?"

Posted by: Falyne, FCD | June 26, 2009 12:59 PM

Dunno if 50's a Poe, but I'm hoping the comments (as well as the article) from Weekly World News are...

Also, I'd be curious as to whether WND or WWN "reported" this first. About the same quality of "journalism", but WWN is at least meant as satire... and it wouldn't be the first time their articles were taken as fact.

Posted by: Falyne, FCD | June 26, 2009 1:03 PM

From the WWN comments:

- Three elements of this device have a special purpose:
1) "The Testimony" that Yahweh sent directly to Moses = walkie - talkie. 2)" The mercy cover" = loudspeaker. 3) The golden cherubim = antennas. The operating system: "When Moses entered the Tent of Meeting to speak whith the Lord ( Yahweh ) , he heard the voice speaking to him from between the two cherubim above the atonement cover on the ark of the Testimony. And he spoke with the Lord" ( Numbers 7: 89 ).
- Moses and the Spaceships of the Gods... Messiah - His Spaceships... Secrets of the Vatican - UFO's in the Ancient Art... Pope's star watcher to visit Nasa and talk aliens... The Vatican is to go head to head with Nasa over the possibility of life existing anywhere else in the Universe except Earth:
http://cristiannegureanu.blogspot.com/2009/06/holy-ark-announcement-due-on-friday.html

Comedy gold! The blogspot link is largely in Italian, but the english bits expand on the "Ark = computer" theme. And a bit on planet Eris causing global warming.

Posted by: Phodopus | June 26, 2009 1:04 PM

@67 ...ahm I hate to break it to you, but monks 'got nothing to do with it...

Posted by: CCW | June 26, 2009 1:10 PM

As proven by Justin.

Posted by: CCW | June 26, 2009 1:15 PM

More of a Eric Dolphy fan myself though.
Let the stoning begin.

Posted by: Acronym Jim | June 26, 2009 1:19 PM

Let he who can't feel the beat cast the first stone!

Posted by: Art | June 26, 2009 1:29 PM

This is a clear sign of how all things have turned to crap under Obama. The stalwart Republicans, and one or two mediocre Democrats who blundered into doing the right thing, kept the Arc safe in a secret high-security government warehouse. The fact that it has recently been stolen, and this crime will come to light in the MSM, shows how much the security of this once great nation has deteriorated under this pretender to the throne.

The naysayers will claim it was never in US custody and that it was in Ethiopia all this time but all well informed Americans know that this is a lie. We saw the crate holding the arc being wheeled into the vast warehouse with our own eyes. And everyone knows that Ethiopians are black and not real Christians. The arc would cause them to melt so it is clear they are lying. It is only the God sanctioned hands of righteous Americans who can possess the arc for long without harm.

When the thieves attempt to show off their booty the Arc will destroy them and send their souls sent to hell. The righteous and noble American Special Forces, lead by Chuck Norris, will then recover the Arc. This will be a profound embarrassment to the crypto-islamo/fascist and, God willing, he will be removed and Ron Paul, the last righteous American politician, will be swept into office and ...

---- I woke up screaming ---

No more tongue, horseradish and sauerkraut sandwiches before going to bed.

Posted by: Krystalline Apostate | June 26, 2009 1:46 PM

♫♪ It's the end of the world as we know it...♫♪
Seriously though, it seems like Ethiopia had all their own versions of everything - gospels, arks, etc.

Posted by: RyogaM | June 26, 2009 1:49 PM

So, if this Ark is reveled, and it shows absolutely no signs of supernatural activity as described in the bible (as shown in Raiders of the Lost Ark!), will Jews, Christians and Muslims admit they were wrong in giving credulity to the thrice-told tales of long ago desert dwellers? Will they admit that the very foundation of their religious beliefs is...wrong?

Because, I'll admit, if Pope reveals an old wooden crate with the power to melt my face, or, hell, just speak in god's voice, it would cause me to doubt my (lack of) faith.

Anyone Christians want to lay a wager on which way the ball will bounce?

Posted by: blueelm | June 26, 2009 2:02 PM

@ #55

I don't think anyone here is undervaluing the fact that it would be interesting and useful to study such a relic. Assuming, for the sake of argument, that it is the ark then it would be a great object of study provided it was ever made availabe to researchers in any real capacity. However, it is the spiritual significance to contemporary people that I believe PZ is mocking.

Personally I have my doubts that the object will be made available in any real way. The religious have a history of unsubstantiated claims when it comes to artifacts. There's a lot of motivation for forgery and there has been for over a thousand years. They also tend to deeply resent the research of art historians, archaeologists, and scientists on those objects. Remember, there are still people who are afraid to look at the object because the superstition surrounding it is still so viable. This is not particularly new information to historians either. People know about this thing.

Posted by: Brownian, OM | June 26, 2009 2:58 PM

Bostonian wrote, "The old switcharoo would never work on God."

I dunno. He's pretty thick. After all, if he can't tell a Jew from an Egyptian without a smear of lamb's blood, how's he supposed to tell a real ark from a fake one?

Further, what would be the point of following the ten commandments anyway? For crying out loud, if the dude can't even figure out which ethno-religious group you belong to without the aid of an erythrocyte-smattered lintel then what's the likelihood he's going to have any clue as to whether or not you lit a fire on Saturday?

Posted by: Dude | June 26, 2009 3:36 PM

I feel the need to quote avp now.

"Well, you are experts, aren't you?"
"Yes, but this is like opening the Ark and finding Moses' DVD collection!"

Which ones?
Passion of the Christ
Star Wars Episode 1
Pokemon.

Posted by: tsg | June 26, 2009 4:56 PM

Probably 'cause it's just fun to say "Addis Ababa."

That's one of the classic funny place names, like Cucamonga, Walla Walla, Timbuktu and Seattle.

Posted by: Ed Darrell | June 26, 2009 5:04 PM

Probably 'cause it's just fun to say "Addis Ababa."

But not nearly as much fun as saying "Timbuktu," or "Ougadougu," or "Walla Walla, Washington."

Posted by: Peter | June 26, 2009 5:37 PM

jazz mags = porn

Posted by: Peter | June 26, 2009 6:29 PM

Nope, just setting up for the 'well, there was a blue note' gag....

Posted by: Fred the Hun | June 26, 2009 8:29 PM

Rolan le Gargéac @ 97

Don't worry It's not your fault.

Posted by: Flounder99 | June 26, 2009 8:51 PM

Hey! isn't that a picture of the peanut butter guy about half way down? Yep, I googled Chuck Missler and he is the peanut butter guy.

Posted by: KZT | June 26, 2009 10:23 PM

Read as far as the blonde chick in the stupid t-shirt and thought the whole thing sounded like a 419 scam.

Posted by: 'Tis Himself | June 26, 2009 10:44 PM

Popocatépetl and Iztaccíhuatl (pronounced pop-o-cat-a-petal and icks-ta-see-wattle). They're two Mexican volcanoes.

Posted by: Patricia Burns | June 27, 2009 8:37 PM

I believe that the “ark of the covenant” (Heb.9:4) and “the ark of his (God’s) testament” (Re.11:9) are one in the same, and contain the “tables of the covenant” (Heb.9:4), the Ten Commandments.

I believe that the ark of the covenant/the ark of his testament is now in the temple of God in heaven (Re.11:19).

At the Seventh TRUMPET (1 Thess.4:16-17), the temple of God is opened in heaven to reveal the ark of His testament (Re.11:19).

And, again, at the GIVING of the Seven Last PLAGUES (Re.15:1-8), “the temple of the tabernacle of the testimony in heaven was opened” (Re.15:5), wherein is contained “the ark of his testament” (Re.11:19), “the ark of the covenant” (Heb.9:4).

Patricia (© 2002) Bible Prophecy on the Web

Posted by: John Morales | June 27, 2009 10:45 PM

SEF @105, I reckon it might be a Thrint in a statis field, as per World of Ptavvs by Niven.

</SF geek>

Posted by: Martin Fassbinder | June 29, 2009 12:23 AM

Praise the lord. His Glory no longer dwells in the holiest of hollies. His spirit was pored out on the day of Pentecost. The same power that rested upon the arch now inhabits the souls of those who have received the infilling of the Holy Ghost. Millions around the world have experienced God in the way that only the Jewish high priest could have. By one man Christ Jesus our high priest, the veil of the temple was torn, and access to God's spirit was given to all men. Repent Be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and you shall receive the gift of the holy ghost. Jesus Christ is the manifest image of the invisible God. Here O Israel the Lord or God is one Lord.

Posted by: God | June 29, 2009 12:40 AM

Praise the lord.

Thanks.

His Glory no longer dwells in the holiest of hollies.

You misspelled "Holies". And I never did dwell in the Holiest of Holies.

His spirit was pored out on the day of Pentecost.

What am I, a book? The word is spelled "poured". And no, it wasn't "poured out".

The same power that rested upon the arch now inhabits the souls of those who have received the infilling of the Holy Ghost.

You misspelled "ark". And no power "rested upon the ark", and no power inhabits any souls, since believe Me, I would know if they had received an infilling of Me.

Millions around the world have experienced God in the way that only the Jewish high priest could have.

Hardly "millions". I'm not that promiscuous. I prefer minimal manipulation for maximum hilarity.

By one man Christ Jesus our high priest, the veil of the temple was torn, and access to God's spirit was given to all men.

Nah. It was a scam.

Repent Be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and you shall receive the gift of the holy ghost.

You're missing an "and" in there. "Repent and be baptized". But there's no gift afterward. Sorry.

Jesus Christ is the manifest image of the invisible God.

No, he isn't. He was conned, and he conned everyone else for Me.

Here O Israel the Lord or God is one Lord.

You misspelled "Hear" and "our", and left off a comma after "Israel". And the final "Lord" should read "God".

Why are they sending dyslexics to proselytize, anyway?

Posted by: Satan | June 29, 2009 12:59 AM

And no power "rested upon the ark", and no power inhabits any souls, since believe Me, I would know if they had received an infilling of Me.

Don't tell Me that it hasn't occurred to You to stuff two or three dozen angry seraphim in the ark, for all the face-melting fun when they open it up.

Why are they sending dyslexics to proselytize, anyway?

Eh, it could be worse. He could have written: "Here O Isreal the Lord or Dog is won Dog."

Posted by: Janine, OMnivore | June 29, 2009 1:05 AM

I am afraid I do not understand. Do you like to use foolish or silly people as your emissary?

Posted by: Ryan Egesdahl | June 29, 2009 11:55 AM

Actually, I would not mind if an historian said the Ark of the Covenant had ever actually existed because even the Jews say that it was destroyed when Jerusalem was overrun and the temple torn down. So this one can't be real in any case.

As if we ever needed the clarification - I mean, seriously, it's WingNut Daily!

Posted by: God | June 29, 2009 11:37 PM

I apologize for my poorly written post.

Don't worry about it too much. No human is perfect. But you should be warned: Around here, the humans look more at logical coherence and consistency than spelling. Is what you are writing based on evidence and logic, or on mindless dogma?

I am grateful for a God who looks past our handicaps.

Actually, I exploit your handicaps, for My amusement. That's just the way I am. Sorry. Well, not really.

I wish I could present my case better.

Well, what you've been writing has been more grammatical and better spelled, so that's a definite improvement.

Janine and the other blogger; I don't know you guys, but I just want you to you know that God truly loves you.

I love humans the way that humans love ant farms, or clowns. Or an ant farm of clowns. I finds you amusing.

He gave you life, and gave his life for you.

No, not really. As I noted above, it was all a trick; an extended joke for My own amusement.

Please try seeking God in prayer.

I probably won't answer.

Just call on the name of Jesus and ask him to reveal himself to you.

Sorry. You're still thinking that the trick was true.

Your life can be changed in an instant.

Nah. Not unless I decide I want another patsy for My long-running joke. That's what happened to Paul of Tarsus. Boom!

God Bless!

Meh.