…and this is a 
Once again, Texas leads the way in absurdities. One kook has decided he doesn't like to say hello, and has convinced the whole county to go along with him. Can you guess why?
In this friendly little ranching town, "hello" is wearing out its welcome. And Leonso Canales Jr. is happy as heck.
At his urging, the Kleberg County commissioners on Monday unanimously designated "heaven-o" as the county's official greeting. The reason: "hello" contains the word "hell."
For some reason, I now really want Michelle Obama to visit the Hellespont to collect seashells and read Percy Shelley, just so it can be reported in the Kleberg County newspapers.
Comments
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 11, 2009 8:50 AM
fuck-o
Posted by: Abbie | June 11, 2009 8:52 AM
This has happened before, I swear.
Language: you're doing it wrong.
Posted by: J | June 11, 2009 8:53 AM
You say "Heaven-o", I say "Fuck yourself with a sharp stick."
Posted by: Alyson Miers | June 11, 2009 8:55 AM
Note to self: stay the fuck out of Kleberg County, Texas.
Posted by: Wes | June 11, 2009 8:56 AM
This guy seriously has nothing better to do with his life?
Posted by: Hank Fox | June 11, 2009 8:56 AM
"I think it's time that we set a new precedent, to tell our kids that we are positive adults."
Translates to:
"I think it's time that we set a new precedent, to tell our kids that we are monumentally stupid, out-of-touch, culturally inbred, adults."
Posted by: davef | June 11, 2009 8:56 AM
G-R-O-A-N.
In my mind, this town looks like the one in Edward Scissorhands, where everyone has an insane grin plastered on their insanely bouffanted head, and all the lawns are trimmed just-so. But there's an menacing undercurrent of fear and worry in the air that no-one ever mentions...
Posted by: Abbie | June 11, 2009 8:57 AM
It sounded familiar... because the article is from 1997!
Vintage idiocy at this point.
Posted by: blotonthelandscape | June 11, 2009 8:58 AM
lol at 'god-o't...
I thought they said 'howdy' in texas.
They truly do lead the way in loopy.
Posted by: Sir Craig | June 11, 2009 8:59 AM
Wow - this article takes place back in 1997. Are they even still doing this?
Posted by: Philip1978 | June 11, 2009 8:59 AM
Some of the letters of the idiot's name, Leonso Canales Jr, can be used to spell out the word "carnal" - does he quickly want to hop off to depol and change his name to something less sinful?
This reminds me of the British Tv Comedy series Blackadder Goes Fourth - Hugh Laurie's character barges into the trench yelling:
"Well, tally bally ho - with a ying and a yang and yibedeedee"
Blackadders's reply - "In English we say hello!"
Should we suggest this type of greeting in Texas instaed?
Posted by: Stanton
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June 11, 2009 9:00 AM
I really despise people who are stupid enough to commit fallacy of etymology in order to please God.
Posted by: catta
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June 11, 2009 9:01 AM
I'm sure I heard about this before, but I didn't realise it had spread. The weirdest thing is the heaven-o. Don't they know how language works? Well, no, or they wouldn't have a problem with "hello"... but still, why heaven-o? Sounds like a particularly Jesus-y breakfast cereal. Why not halloo or hullo or any other real word? Or, while we're at it, "ahoy"?
Posted by: Rowen | June 11, 2009 9:04 AM
But, heaven has the word "heave," which conjures visions of vomiting, which I strenuously object to.
Posted by: Sili
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June 11, 2009 9:05 AM
Heaven-Os! Because if you don't eat them, SOGGIES WILL RULE!
One of our history teachers like saying "God's peace and good day", just to throw people off.
Posted by: James F | June 11, 2009 9:06 AM
As far as Texas goes, this is small potatoes. It's now official, one of the six-member expert review panel for the Texas social studies standards for public schools is....
*drumroll*
David Barton.
Posted by: The Petey | June 11, 2009 9:06 AM
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA COUGH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HACK GAG WHEEZE AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh my,
what a bunch of fucking morons!
Posted by: Jeff F | June 11, 2009 9:07 AM
This is from 1997. They're probably over it by now.
Posted by: Gruesome Rob | June 11, 2009 9:07 AM
Is it already April 1st again?
Please tell me this is a poe
Posted by: Bruce Gorton | June 11, 2009 9:07 AM
Heaven-o?
As in, Zero heaven?
Posted by: Hypatia's Daughter | June 11, 2009 9:07 AM
Wiki says he started this in 1997.
I think I would respond to someone telling me "We use heaven-o around here" with, "Well, Hell, Texas could use a little more heaven........"
Posted by: bungoton
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June 11, 2009 9:09 AM
It reminds me of when the hippie movement tried to have the name of Haight Street changed to Love Street. I knew then that there was nothing more than tokenism to the whole thing. I lost all respect for the hippies the same way I lost my respect for religions. When any group needs to stoop to tokenism you know it's core beliefs are garbage and tokens are all they have left.
Posted by: Snopes | June 11, 2009 9:11 AM
This just proves that Obama is the anti-Jebus. Who else would have a wife with "Hell" in her name? Or should we call her Micheavene Obama?
I wonder how long before this observation becomes the center of another right-wing nutcase movement?
5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Liftoff! We have liftoff of yet another idea that will help bury the Republican party for decades! I'm so proud.
Posted by: bungoton
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June 11, 2009 9:12 AM
It reminds me of when the hippie movement tried to have the name of Haight Street changed to Love Street. I knew then that there was nothing more than tokenism to the whole thing. I lost all respect for the hippies the same way I lost my respect for religions. When any group needs to stoop to tokenism you know it's core beliefs are garbage and tokens are all they have left.
Posted by: Abbie | June 11, 2009 9:15 AM
The upshot is that "heaven-o" is quite clunky and I can see it eventually degrading into something that sounds very close to effin' o.
Posted by: RamblinDude
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June 11, 2009 9:18 AM
Wow, this is a bombshell announcement! Er...I mean it’s surprising. (Dang, gotta walk on eggshells around these people! No wait, I don’t mean that! Sheesh, I’m taking a shellacking here ... ... ack!)
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 11, 2009 9:19 AM
holy shit.
They might as well get David Irving to review their WW2 / Holocaust studies.
Posted by: Andyman | June 11, 2009 9:30 AM
He really should've gone the whole hog and try and get rid of any word with "hell". Of course imagine all the results:
-She sells seasheavens by the seashore.
-I hate walking on eggsheavens.
-Who likes sheavenfish.
-In a nutsheaven. I think that...
I am sick of this heavenhole.
Posted by: Hemant | June 11, 2009 9:34 AM
PZ -- What's with the postings lately to articles that are years old? Seems kinda odd for you...
Posted by: Billy C | June 11, 2009 9:38 AM
It may be old, but the resolution itself is still fun reading:
http://www.heaveno.com/resolution.htm
Homeschooling will do that to you, I suppose.
Posted by: MadScientist | June 11, 2009 9:39 AM
He's from the town of Sniddler's Gulch, isn't he? Anyone remember that ancient episode of Sesame Street with "Cowboy X"? It ends with something like: "And the citizens of Sniddler's Gulch lived happily ever after - because they really weren't very bright."
Posted by: Christophe Thill | June 11, 2009 9:39 AM
Whatever happened to "good morning/afternoon/evening" ? Not christian enough ?
Posted by: Greg Laden
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June 11, 2009 9:42 AM
The AP article parroted by the Daily (shame on them) totally misses the point, which is actually more disturbing than the idiocy itself. See:
http://tinyurl.com/lemuqh
Posted by: mxh | June 11, 2009 9:44 AM
This is almost as bad as people naming their kids Neveah (heaven backwards - the 34th most popular girls name in 2008). If you believe in heaven why would you spell it backwards? Wouldn't that mean the opposite of heaven? Shouldn't you name you kid Lleh?
Posted by: Ouchimoo | June 11, 2009 9:48 AM
Reminds me of this Christian Children's book series my brother got a handful of when he was younger. Every greeting was written "Hallo".
Posted by: mxh | June 11, 2009 9:49 AM
Damn, spelled it wrong, Nevaeh is the 34th most popular name. Interestingly, my misspelling of heaven backwards, Neveah is the 986th most popular girls name... apparently, I'm not the only one who can't spell heaven backwards (though, if I were going to name my child that, I'd go over it a couple of times).
Posted by: BugsBunny | June 11, 2009 9:51 AM
Sheesh, what a maroon!
Posted by: Pete Moulton | June 11, 2009 9:52 AM
Just guessing, but I don't suppose Mr Canales has any plans to visit Michigan.
Possibly OT, but does anyone else here think maybe this is the reason why Minnesota fruitbat Michele Bachmann is a 'one-l' Michelle?
Posted by: mck9 | June 11, 2009 9:52 AM
I know this is quite beside the point, but it annoys me that the reporter didn't know how to read a map.
Kingsville is a Rio Grande Valley town in exactly the same sense that Scranton, PA is a Hudson Valley town. Each is about a hundred miles from the respective river.
Posted by: Luis | June 11, 2009 9:55 AM
Interestingly, the Spanish word for "heaven" (cielo) can be used to address a person you are in a romantic relationship with. It's the equivalent to English "honey" or "sweetie". Also interestingly, Kleberg County is a stone's throw away from Mexico.
Now just imagine Mr. Canales travelling to Mexico, and saying "cielo" to a big moustachioed mexican. Sodom was levelled for less than that.
Posted by: BlindRobin | June 11, 2009 9:55 AM
I still prefer Ahoy-Ahoy...
Posted by: Pete Moulton | June 11, 2009 9:55 AM
Just guessing, but I don't suppose Mr Canales has any plans to visit Michigan.
Possibly OT, but does anyone else here think maybe this is the reason why Minnesota fruitbat Michele Bachmann is a 'one-l' Michelle?
Posted by: Alverant | June 11, 2009 9:58 AM
I wonder if they ever noticed that Christ has the letters 'S', 'H', 'I', and 'T' in it.
Posted by: Rey Fox | June 11, 2009 9:58 AM
How about "hi"?
We can see from this exercise that there's nothing wrong with government waste or government control as long as it's in the service of some wacky myth or braindead "THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" impulse. Or, presumably, that these sorts of shenanigans are okay at the local level, because there's no way that local governments could ever be corrupt or inefficient.
Posted by: JackC
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June 11, 2009 9:59 AM
Yeah - noted by many above - this is WAY old - I remember hearing this guy way before the turn of the century. He was fugnuts back then too.
JC
Posted by: AJS | June 11, 2009 10:01 AM
I suppose it makes a change from giving your daughters boys' names, thereby instantly turning any boy already having that name into a "sissy" in a culture where hetero-supremacy (apparently you aren't supposed to call it homophobia anymore) runs rampant.Posted by: Ack! | June 11, 2009 10:02 AM
Oh, my. I'm Greek. Otherwise known as a "Hellene". From the nation of Hellas (aka Hellenic Republic). I guess I'm not welcome in Texas either.
Posted by: Kimpatsu
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June 11, 2009 10:05 AM
When any group needs to stoop to tokenism you know it's core beliefs are garbage...
Whereas, when you abuse the apostrophe, you're just as bad as the "heaven-o"ers...
Posted by: Eli | June 11, 2009 10:11 AM
To be religiously correct I propose Almighty-o.
Posted by: Hoonser | June 11, 2009 10:11 AM
One kook in a population of 30 million?
Statistically that's a pretty encouraging figure.
Posted by: GDad
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June 11, 2009 10:12 AM
In a similar vein, the college I attended replaced the Ombudsman's office with the Office of Ombudservices.
Gah.
A quick search for that term on Google shows that the term appears to have spread.
Posted by: dNorrisM | June 11, 2009 10:12 AM
Maybe they are on to something. I just found out from Wiki:
Many stories date the first use of hello (with that spelling) to around the time of the invention of the telephone in 1876. It was, however, used in print in Roughing It by Mark Twain in 1872 (written between 1870 and 1871),[2] so its first use must have predated the telephone:
My emboldening. No wonder they are upset if Twain used it. ;-)
Posted by: Lsuoma | June 11, 2009 10:15 AM
This guy ought to go visit Scunthorpe and Fucking.
Posted by: Kobra | June 11, 2009 10:16 AM
Is there another cold war going on that we atheists don't know about? Christ, it seems like there's an arms race going on to see which can be the most inane county in America, and the ones in Texas always seem to get a head start. This kind of bullshit makes my head hurt.
Posted by: blueelm | June 11, 2009 10:20 AM
Hahaha... where the hell-o is that place anyway? I think that's one of those tiny towns you drive through on the way to the beach. It's probably an attempt to seduce some god & family types to stop there for more than a tank of gas.
By the way, that is not the Rio Grand valley. Seriously.
Posted by: JD | June 11, 2009 10:24 AM
How about tardo?
Posted by: Shygetz | June 11, 2009 10:33 AM
So what's the best way to get to Austin without passing through any other part of Texas?
Posted by: Bill Dauphin, OM | June 11, 2009 10:33 AM
Twain was an early adopter/enthusiast for the telephone (come to Hartford and see the original phone booth in the foyer of the Mark Twain House), so perhaps the attribution of hello to the advent of telephony has it upside down: Maybe Twain, having coined the word, is the one responsible for its adoption as a telephone greeting? The greeting "hello, Central" certainly features prominently in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court.
Posted by: Cuttlefish, OM | June 11, 2009 10:33 AM
Replacing Hell with Heaven (well, at least in '97--
Do we really know what's going on in Texas in '09?)
Is a really good idea, but I think perhaps I see a
Way to build on their intention, if their thoughts I can divine.
In the middle place in "Texas", you can see that's where an "X" is
And it's like the "X" in "X-mas", which is blasphemy, you see;
Let's replace the single letter with the word, and that's much better--
Call the Lone Star State "Techristas" cos that's what the state should be!
Posted by: Jeremy | June 11, 2009 10:34 AM
Since Thomas Edison is credited with coining the word "Hello", Mr. Canales is obviously an anti-American commie socialist terrorist and hates our freedom.
Posted by: Jeremy | June 11, 2009 10:37 AM
Oops, I guess that was already covered.
Posted by: N.Wells | June 11, 2009 10:37 AM
Goodbye is short for "God be with you". I don't know if it's true, but I read once that "hallo" (Americanized to 'hello') was short for 'Hallowed be his name', i.e., a religious greeting exactly on par with 'Asalamo alaikum'. If true, the irony is rich.
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | June 11, 2009 10:38 AM
Leonso Canales, the commissioner of Kleberg County, Texas, who introduced a resolution to make "heaven-o" the official greeting of the county because "hello" is too close to "hell", also wanted to introduce a resolution that banned the word "cement" in favor of "concrete" because of what "cement" without the "t" sounds like. He decided not to introduce that resolution when he saw his mother in the audience at the commissioners’ meeting and he couldn't bring himself to raise the issue in front of her.
There really is no excuse for this level of idiocy.
Posted by: Wounded King | June 11, 2009 10:40 AM
@ #35 Ouchimoo
A lot of early and mid 20th century English children's stories, particularly those of Enid Blyton, use 'Hallo'. I think it is just a more archaic usage rather than anything religiously motivated.
Posted by: Kobra | June 11, 2009 10:44 AM
@60: Tesla rules, Edison drools.
Posted by: Skelli | June 11, 2009 10:49 AM
"Heaven-Os": Breakfast cereal of the saved!
Posted by: Skelli | June 11, 2009 10:51 AM
"Heaven-Os": Breakfast cereal of the saved!
Posted by: Liveliest Crib
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June 11, 2009 10:57 AM
On the heels of his 1997 success, Canales now seeks new measures, such as:
• requiring computers to be embedded with the font, Heavenvetica;
• officially changing Asperger's Syndrome to Armperger's Syndrome; and
• forcing Navy seamen to call themselves as ocean-men, to avoid any reference to the unmentionable white goo that houses sperm.
Canales' wife Helen could not be reached for comment.
Posted by: Aquaria | June 11, 2009 10:58 AM
I've been to Kleberg County tons of times. I used to cut through there whenever I'd go to Corpus (mck9 is right that Kleberg isn't technically the Valley, although people outside the Valley often think anything south of I-37 is "the Valley). And I cut through there when this nonsense was going on. Got the heaveno thing, and asked what problem they had with English that they didn't understand the difference between how hot it was outside, and the greeting. Got a dirty look, and called a filthy atheist.
Am I surprised at this?
Are you kidding? First, it's TX. Second, Kleberg County consists of the King Ranch, Kingsville, and four holes in the wall passing as towns that prove what happens when first cousins marry too often. If you'd ever been there, you'd know why these people have nothing better to do.
Because they have nothing better to do.
Posted by: Tommykey | June 11, 2009 10:58 AM
I guess Canales wouldn't be happy in Hell's Kitchen, NYC.
Posted by: Lab Cat | June 11, 2009 10:58 AM
"Hallo" is the British spelling and does derive from "Hallowed be His Name", as #61 states. It is not archaic (#64) over the pond. Americans changed the spelling like they did with many words and now they are complaining about it! Why not just convert back to the British-English spelling?
Posted by: BMcP | June 11, 2009 10:59 AM
Old news is old. In this case, very old, the story is from 1997. I don't think it ever progressed outside of that town over the next 12 years.
Don't forget to visit the website! LOL.
Posted by: tsg | June 11, 2009 11:07 AM
I vote we move the anti-immigrant wall to the northern border of Texas.
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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June 11, 2009 11:10 AM
I wonder if they can say "pitcock," or indeed, call their male chickens "cocks" (some forums won't allow it).
To be sure, in 12 years they may very well have gained their senses.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Posted by: Jeremy | June 11, 2009 11:12 AM
Actually, I wish this had caught on more widely. This kind of thing serves a valuable purpose: with the first word out of their mouth, it immediately identifies the speaker as an idiot. Long ago, it might take several minutes, or even hours to find out that someone you were talking to was completely full of shit, but with this, 2 syllables and you've sussed it.
To that end, please feed your viewers more soundbites, FOX.
Posted by: Aquaria | June 11, 2009 11:13 AM
Hahaha... where the hell-o is that place anyway? I think that's one of those tiny towns you drive through on the way to the beach. It's probably an attempt to seduce some god & family types to stop there for more than a tank of gas.
Uh--Kleberg County is along the coast of Texas. Baffin Bay and part of Padre Island falls in its boundaries; however, most people would not be there for the beaches. It's the kind of coastline popular with hardcore fishing fanatics, and the beaches are hidden away and not near any main highways. If people are passing through Kleberg, it's along US 77 between Corpus and the Valley. 99% of Kleberg tourists are there to see the King Ranch.
Posted by: claw | June 11, 2009 11:13 AM
Heaven-o? Wasn't he the Jehovah's Witness Thundercat?
"Salutations, Mumm-ra! Lion-O and Panthro suggested you would like to hear about the Lord!"
\snarf!
Posted by: Jeremy | June 11, 2009 11:16 AM
23 syllables :-(Posted by: Aquaria | June 11, 2009 11:20 AM
The upshot is that "heaven-o" is quite clunky and I can see it eventually degrading into something that sounds very close to effin' o.
I'm surprised that they haven't gotten more of their kind doing a double take, misunderstanding heaven-o to be "Heaven no."
Now that's the way to get these fools to knock it off.
Posted by: Kenneth Mareld | June 11, 2009 11:22 AM
I thought everyone in Texas said "Howdy".
Posted by: Aquaria | June 11, 2009 11:32 AM
Ugh. No, we don't
Posted by: Frink | June 11, 2009 11:36 AM
...and to think, I was just cheering for Texas for blocking that creationist from nomination to the Board of Education. Optimism is dead!
Posted by: Tim | June 11, 2009 11:37 AM
And Canales contains the word "anal" but I don't see him changing his name...
Posted by: Rob J | June 11, 2009 11:47 AM
This was a kids in the hall bit about 2 decades ago. It was intended to be humorous, apparently these whackjobs took it a bit too seriously.
Posted by: dNorrisM | June 11, 2009 11:59 AM
According to the tour guide (circa 1975) he would forget to shift the tranciever from his ear to mouth, so no one could hear him. Then he'd complain that the phone didn't work.
(BTW I'm a CT yankee.)
Posted by: ymberlenis | June 11, 2009 12:06 PM
Yeah, I remember this clearly. I was 19, living in North Texas, a happily deluded Southern Baptist who attended services every time the door was open. Yet I remember vividly laughing my ass off at these idiots. It was just one more push toward the light of reason.
Posted by: littlejohn | June 11, 2009 12:11 PM
I have to leave now on my heavenicopter.
Posted by: donna | June 11, 2009 12:16 PM
I'm going to create a cereal called "Heaven-Os" and market it in this town....
Posted by: Robert | June 11, 2009 12:22 PM
Oh come on folks, Heaven-O's are delicious!
Posted by: ??? | June 11, 2009 12:27 PM
"Heaven" contains the word "he", which makes it sexist.
Posted by: Adam D. Jones | June 11, 2009 12:38 PM
I live in Texas and to criticize such a populated state because you don't like some religious guy is pretty childish. I'm sorry that you get whiney when someone mentions heaven, but the eccentric is not harming you - so why must you insult the land where my friends and family live? Childish.
Posted by: Rob Jase | June 11, 2009 12:40 PM
Goodbye No One!
Texas am oaffishul part of Bizarro World.
Heaven-o!
Posted by: galderon | June 11, 2009 12:41 PM
I've always found profanity and blasphemy to be a little confusing. I'll use "hell" and "damn" as I consider them to be very mild profanity, but I tend to avoid the other four-letter words.
I found that religious folks have the filthiest mouths (all the while avoiding saying hell and damn).
Posted by: JJR | June 11, 2009 12:59 PM
>>I thought everyone in Texas said "Howdy".
Well, some say ¡Hola!
As for "Howdy", Nope, mainly just us Aggies. Or when Texans drink too much Lone Star or Shiner Bock.
I remember the Heaven-o story, I just rolled my eyes and moved on to the next story, thinking "That will NEVER catch on". And it didn't, big surprise.
Yeah, the Brits spell it Hallo but pronounce it "allo" (except in the Queen's English, where you don't drop the H).
I don't speak much Spanish but I did think it was funny when I learned that the Spanish expression "Ojala..." (rough transl. "I hope") was derived from the name Allah, from the time of the Moorish conquest of Spain; It was sort of a Spanish onomatopoeia mimicking the sounds of Arabic prayer, apparently.
Posted by: Larry | June 11, 2009 1:00 PM
Just to be safe, I suggest they go through the dictionary and cut out every word that contains the letters h,e,l,l in any permutation. We can't have the young'uns going through the dictionary looking for naughty words, now, can we? It takes their minds off of praising jebus.
Next up would be the newspapers and school books.
Posted by: Marc | June 11, 2009 1:03 PM
ROFL
Posted by: Kausik Datta | June 11, 2009 1:34 PM
This absolutely reminds me of this segment that Randy Cassingham posted in his well-followed "This is True" website (you have to scroll down at that page, if you follow this link). Alternatively, check out this video.
How Embarrbutting
Web sites that import news feeds, but then automatically censor "objectionable" words, are sometimes committing "Clbuttic Mistakes". The term was coined when a site changed the word "classic" to "clbuttic" on the theory the word "butt" (for instance) is less objectionable than "ass". Prior to the 2008 Olympics, the American Family Association's news site automatically replaced a word in articles about sprinter Tyson Gay: "Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue," they reported, "sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has." Other mangled language has included "consbreastution", an article on "What did the British Embbutty do for this British National Overseas pbuttport holder," and a "series of previously secret Central Intelligence Agency plots to buttbuttinate foreign leaders." (London Telegraph)
...As if such urinevish buttaults on our language could protect anyone's chasbreasty.
Posted by: Drosera
|
June 11, 2009 1:35 PM
In southern Germany and Austria they say grüß Gott.
Posted by: ppp | June 11, 2009 1:37 PM
when i read this, all that i can think is that the guy has the word anal in his last name
Posted by: Zach Miller | June 11, 2009 1:38 PM
You've got to be fucking with us. That CAN'T be real.
Posted by: ??? | June 11, 2009 1:47 PM
Web sites that import news feeds, but then automatically censor "objectionable" words, are sometimes committing "Clbuttic Mistakes". The term was coined when a site changed the word "classic" to "clbuttic" on the theory the word "butt" (for instance) is less objectionable than "ass".
Whoever came up with that idea was his own worst enema, for he would be the butt of many jokes for being so far behind the times, and that's the hole story.
Posted by: Notagod | June 11, 2009 1:47 PM
Heavenlow, low, low.
Posted by: ??? | June 11, 2009 1:52 PM
I live in Texas and to criticize such a populated state because you don't like some religious guy is pretty childish. I'm sorry that you get whiney when someone mentions heaven, but the eccentric is not harming you - so why must you insult the land where my friends and family live? Childish.
Concern troll is concerned.
Posted by: Notagod | June 11, 2009 1:58 PM
I think cANALes has secret desires.
Posted by: gaypaganunitarianagnostic | June 11, 2009 2:01 PM
This is an old story. I remember thinking, 'Couldn't they say "Good day," and avoid sounding like idiots?'
I remember people saying 'helio-copter,' because they didn't want to say 'Hell-i-copter.'
Posted by: Rob | June 11, 2009 2:01 PM
Leonso Canales Jr. yet another perfect example of why in-breeding and home schooling should not be allowed in areas of the US where the people are just too dam stupid for their own good.
Posted by: Miguel | June 11, 2009 2:19 PM
@Tim (#83): Hey, that was my line! Also, "Leonso" contains "noel" spelt backwards--I guess he doesn't like christmas.
Posted by: Eber | June 11, 2009 2:20 PM
The man clearly isnt healthy.
Posted by: Von Krieger | June 11, 2009 2:26 PM
I remember hearing about this on the Demented News segment of the Doctor Demento show, likely right around the time it happened.
Posted by: SB | June 11, 2009 3:00 PM
#70 - "hallo" is not the (current) British spelling -- i.e. it is archaic -- and the "hallowed ..." explanation sounds like a dubious retrofit. No modern English speaker in Britain would write anything other than "hello", although you might get away with pronouncing it "hullo?" (implying puzzlement).
Posted by: Bucky | June 11, 2009 3:31 PM
Let's just say "Allahu Akbar" which simply means 'God is Great(or better)' and in any Religion that has a God it would certainly be something that they should agree with. But it's a Muslim phrase so the racist sadists of amerikkka wont like it, but it may ease our relations with the rest of the world.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 11, 2009 3:37 PM
I don't like it because we'd be saying god is great.
Posted by: bonefish
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June 11, 2009 3:41 PM
Would somebody explain to me what the population of Texas has to do with religious idiocy? (@91)
Posted by: Ace of Sevens | June 11, 2009 3:45 PM
Undercover Brother: Hi.
Conspiracy Brother: "Hi"? What you mean "hi"? Like "high yellow wanna be white"? "High" like the *white man* wants to keep us? Wait, you don't smell any weed on me, do you?
Undercover Brother: Brother, when you get a minute, could I get a list of the words that trigger these fits?
Posted by: varlo | June 11, 2009 4:08 PM
I not only won't play their shell game, but if anyone ever answers heaven-o when I call, they'll receive an immediate hang up.
Posted by: Eric | June 11, 2009 4:17 PM
Just remember: you can't spell Kleberg without a backwards 'rebel'.
Posted by: Eric | June 11, 2009 4:20 PM
Just remember: you can't spell Kleberg without a backwards 'rebel'.
Posted by: Sili
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June 11, 2009 4:27 PM
I'm shocked - shocked, I tell you - at the lack of "Hebbo!"s in this thread. I was sure more people here had read the Tarvunty.
It's so easy to join!
Posted by: Evolving Squid
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June 11, 2009 4:31 PM
This is not the first time "heaveno" has reared it's little reptilian head. Every couple of years, some kook gets a weed up his arse about "hell" in "hello". It's the same kind of douchebaggery that brought us "herstory" and "womyn", but less people complain that you're being *-ist when you point out Christian yahooery.
Posted by: Smidgy | June 11, 2009 4:41 PM
Idiocy like this just wants me to stop saying 'hello'. Instead I want to say 'HELL!!!-o'. Does that make me childish?
Posted by: Blitzgal | June 11, 2009 4:43 PM
Check out the Kingsville TX official website. They've obviously given up on "heaven-o." Last sentence of the first paragraph in particular:
http://www.kingsville.org/index.php/the-community/visiting.html
"We would love to visit and assist you with any other questions you have, so stop by our Chamber to get your friendly Kingsville hello!"
Posted by: Randi W | June 11, 2009 5:40 PM
I love Stumble and Digg. This link is from over a decade ago but someone wandering the internet can give it a thumbs up or digg and make it an instant sensation.
I say this because I stumbled this article a few days ago and didn't notice the date until I followed the link this time.
Yes it's dumb as all get-out, but I can't make myself care that much when, as poster #121 said, they dropped this 'convention' some time ago.
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble | June 11, 2009 6:20 PM
I think it was Joseph Heavener who dropped the bombsheaven on me that nice girls are secretly heavencats. “Don’t walk around on eggsheavens,” he said, “it’s worth risking heavenfire for a bit of heavenish rumpy-pumpy.” When he first told me this I was sheavenshocked. But in a nutsheaven, he was perfectly right! Up till then I’d always thought the world was a bit of a heavenhole (I guess I was a social sheavenback, I certainly found it difficult to come out of my sheaven) but as soon as I stopped hiding my light under a busheaven, I became something of a heavenion. And I’m happy to admit that I now think my life is hell!
Posted by: Bruce Dickinson | June 11, 2009 7:17 PM
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
HALLOWED BE THY NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!
Posted by: Bruce Dickinson | June 11, 2009 7:20 PM
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
HALLOWED BE THY NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!
Posted by: Mississippi Dingleberry | June 11, 2009 8:28 PM
What's wrong with David Barton? He's one the most accuract history buff around. Much better than the fakes and liberals at some universities who make up history to help the leftist movement.
--------------------------
Texas dingleberries?
nah, California Fudgepackers.
Posted by: Laughing gravy | June 11, 2009 9:03 PM
Who is Obama Urkel?
http://www.fireandreamitchell.com/2009/06/08/obama-urkel-lied-about-merkel-and-the-uighers/
Posted by: antaresrichard | June 11, 2009 9:36 PM
Could they drop the "n" from "heaven-o"? "Heave" is a far more appropriate lead word I think.
Posted by: Emily | June 11, 2009 10:24 PM
All I could think was:
[Hallelujah Chorus plays] Heaven-O's! The new breakfast cereal fortified with Manna and twelve essential vitamins! Start your day with a taste of Paradise!
Posted by: Wildy | June 11, 2009 11:08 PM
Hmm... I must be living in some sort of bubble in which time speeds up for me, because the last time I checked it wasn't 1997.
That must mean I KNOW THE FUTURE!!!! Bow down and worship me puny mortals for I know everything that will happen in the next 12 years in Adelaide and only regarding things that I know about.
Posted by: Menyambal | June 11, 2009 11:12 PM
Well, damn. My real name has a "hell" in it. I've never felt bad about it before, but now I understand why conservatives are frightened of me. I'm gonna start using "Hell" as my diminutive.
Ahem. They could use the Indonesian version of "hello", which is spelled "halo". That'd be Christian enough, no?
Posted by: Don | June 11, 2009 11:51 PM
Same reason I will only fly in heck-a-copters!
Posted by: The Oracle | June 12, 2009 2:42 AM
They've outlawed hell in Kleberg County?
The hell you say.
I wonder how the fundamentalist churches in that county are going to survive, with one half of their salvation equation and damnation sermons being banned.
Posted by: Svlad Cjelli | June 12, 2009 9:06 AM
Oh, my eyes. My poor ling-geek eyes.
Posted by: Dr.Woody
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June 12, 2009 9:22 AM
This guy seriously has nothing better to do with his life?
None of them do.
Religion is how people with NO purpose invent it for themselves.
Posted by: bezoar | June 12, 2009 10:41 AM
J-ello
Posted by: SASnSA | June 12, 2009 11:28 AM
I really would like to find a way for Texas to be in the forefront in something besides the area of lunacy, but it seems to be the only thing the majority of people here are good at.
Posted by: SASnSA | June 12, 2009 11:32 AM
I really would like to find a way for Texas to be in the forefront in something besides the area of lunacy, but it seems to be the only thing the majority of people here are good at.
Posted by: SeanJJordan | June 12, 2009 11:38 AM
This happened before, in 1997:
http://web.archive.org/web/20071215085841/http://www.mndaily.com/articles/1997/01/17/2982
Posted by: Leon | June 12, 2009 3:55 PM
Does that mean I can greet people in that county with "God damn!"? I mean it does, after all, contain the word God--and much more meaningfully than the coincidence that "hello" happens to contain the letters h, e, and l in the right order to look like it might somehow be associated with the word Hell?
This reminds me of the feminist authors back in the late '80s/early '90s who were trying so hard to push for "herstory". Not one of them bothered to pick up a dictionary and look up where the word "history" comes from--they just saw that it included the combinations "his" and "story" and rushed to the conclusion that history = his + story.
Posted by: DidITweetThat | June 12, 2009 11:59 PM
NO, I MEANT THAT BY GREATING ME WITH heaven-o I WISH YOU WOULD GO TO HELL-O!
Kidding, I usually say How Doodily Friend, but that's just me.
;-D
Posted by: Ichthyic | June 13, 2009 3:49 AM
please, somebody net this spammer.
Posted by: Graubart Alterfurz | June 13, 2009 9:11 AM
If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell. -- Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman, post-Civil War Military Governor of Texas
Posted by: ginny
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June 13, 2009 1:30 PM
Oh, HEAVEN no.
Posted by: debt relief | June 17, 2009 2:42 PM
i have no idea why