…and this is a 
Classy.
The fundies are very concerned, because they have rightly noticed that when their kids go off to college, they come back better educated…which often means they become more liberal and reject traditional religious beliefs. What to do? How about creating desperate online courses with 'hip, edgy' music and bad acting to tell teenagers not to do those things? You really have to see that caricature of a movie at that link: a family says goodbye to their sweet little girl going off to college; she comes back 9 months later pregnant, snotty, and ecologically conscious. The classes spout all these statistics about how many college students try drugs and experiment with sex…but somehow never get around to the counterbalancing facts of meth and alcohol abuse and teen pregnancy rates among high school dropouts.
They're misleading on the statistics about drugs and disease and pregnancy — colleges are actually very healthy places — but they're dead on with their complaints that college graduates are less enthusiastic, on average, about religion. The video above is wrong, though: it's not because we actively proselytize for atheism, but because we teach them to think and to question, two activities that are anathema to dogma.
How annoying: the video was in the clear this morning, and shortly after I linked to it, they slapped on all kinds of privacy restrictions. Sorry.
It's easy to summarize, though. Bad actor pretending to be a college professor lectures about how you need to be a godless humanist atheist to learn anything, then a giant iPod Touch falls out of the sky and crushes him to a bloody splatter. Cut to ad for their religious indoctrination seminars. You didn't miss much but the egregiously violent elimination of a liberal atheist.
Comments
Posted by: Apikoros | June 2, 2009 8:54 AM
Apparently, we need to log in to see it? Is there a password?
Posted by: James Sweet | June 2, 2009 8:55 AM
It says it's a "private video" and I'm not allowed to view it? I copped a log-in from bugmenot.com, but it still said I didn't have permission...
Posted by: CCW | June 2, 2009 9:07 AM
Yep, same here, no permission....
Sounds like a cool vid to give the MST3K treatment!
Posted by: rob | June 2, 2009 9:09 AM
Wow.
That's… Wow.
Posted by: MScott
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June 2, 2009 9:09 AM
Guess their fundie-sense must have started tingling when PZ showed up.
Posted by: toomanytribbles | June 2, 2009 9:14 AM
i see it as private as well.
Posted by: CCW | June 2, 2009 9:17 AM
Ok, you can see the video by following the link to the website.
Where to start... I guess it is meant to be humorous, not to be taken too seriously. The acting, the I love you I love you I love you etc, the stereotypical 50's all american family, the rebellious and snotty teenager, it is all too caricaturally. I think it is a stab at irony. But then again, there is Poe.
Posted by: RobertDW | June 2, 2009 9:20 AM
Mmmm - now the video "no longer exists".
Posted by: SteveM
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June 2, 2009 9:20 AM
blockquote>Sorry, "My Prof Got Run Over By An iPod (Biology)" was deleted at 9:20:01 Tue Jun 2, 2009. We have no more information about it on our mainframe or elsewhere.
Posted by: Bernard Bumner
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June 2, 2009 9:21 AM
The site is quite hilariously anti-intellectual.
I particularly enjoyed "Snakes with PHDs - Answering the philsophies touted by professors, textbooks, and peers"...
It isn't only the snakes with PhDs that you have to watch for, some of the marmots with masters degrees can be quite dangerous.
Posted by: astrosmashley | June 2, 2009 9:22 AM
Saw vid...It's gotta be a Poe...
Posted by: Jason A.
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June 2, 2009 9:25 AM
If you go to the site you can watch it. Thought you're not missing much if you don't, it's pretty bad, and not even in an entertaining way.
One of the articles there is 'how to speak idiot' where the guy defines 'idiot' as the language spoken in college, goes on to say they shouldn't call college people idiots because it'll only alienate them, then continues referring to it as 'speaking idiot'. So much for taking you own advice...
Posted by: GBJ
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June 2, 2009 9:28 AM
Still available here:
http://vimeo.com/3531333
Enjoy.
Posted by: MadScientist
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June 2, 2009 9:32 AM
Don't you just love them - preaching lies and encouraging hatred and violence while claiming the big bad atheists are the problem. Some uneducated twat on another blog was complaining about how Richard Dawkins is violently attacking (his) religion. So, the uneducated religious freaks have their own number of stories about Dawkins which are every bit as true as their bible. I wonder if it will make it into a future edition of the bible - perhaps a new extended version of Revelations? The only problem is that Dawkins isn't gay, and we already know the anti-christ will be gay. I am so looking forward to the antichrist taking over the world.
Posted by: wazza | June 2, 2009 9:36 AM
Apparently people tend to storm out of philosophy classes for realising that their entire worldview isn't logically tenable. Never really seen it myself, though I did see a lady leave because she couldn't hijack an ethics in international relations lecture as a forum to promote certain highly politicized views on the colonisation of NZ and the subjugation of the Maori people...
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | June 2, 2009 9:40 AM
Bad actor pretending to be a college professor lectures about how you need to be a godless humanist atheist to learn anything, then a giant iPod Touch falls out of the sky and crushes him to a bloody splatter.
Steve Jobs is God?
Posted by: Rey Fox | June 2, 2009 9:42 AM
College exposes kids to the bigger, wider world out there. That usually at least blunts the edges of fundie religion.
It's almost as bad as the internet.
Posted by: John Hattan | June 2, 2009 9:43 AM
I realize that real actors cost money, but how much does it cost to clean the lens before you film? There's visible dust on the lens every time the camera pans.
Posted by: Ouchimoo | June 2, 2009 9:46 AM
Wow, would you like some Cheese with that whine? I went off of GBJ's link so I missed the murdering ipod. Pretty bad though.
Posted by: emote_control | June 2, 2009 9:47 AM
More snuff porn from the godswallowers? You'd think they'd be a bit more restrained about their obscene violence fantasies after Tiller's murder this week. Maybe that's why they locked up the video.
Fear not. Once the news cycle cycles, they'll be back to smugly chuckling while they wank over the idea of violently ending everyone they happen to disagree with.
Posted by: Moderately Unbalanced Squid | June 2, 2009 9:49 AM
http://vimeo.com/3531333
Sadly, this version seems to lack the iPod flattening the professor. If it's anything like the acting in the bits shown, it must have been unintentionally hilarious.
Posted by: Jason A.
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June 2, 2009 9:50 AM
Yeah, I noticed the shit on the camera lens too.
Posted by: emote_control | June 2, 2009 9:51 AM
@10: Yeah, we have an honest-to-gawd creationist in our biology department. I get the feeling that his supervisor didn't find that out until he was already registered, and now just has to put up with it. He's awfully sensitive about it, at any rate.
I'm not exactly sure how he plans to get through his comprehensives without either failing or compromising his beliefs in order to answer the questions correctly.
Posted by: Walton | June 2, 2009 9:55 AM
This one is even weirder:
http://vimeo.com/4784525
Posted by: Nils Ross | June 2, 2009 10:02 AM
Where are all these promiscuous college girls? Perhaps these religious wingnuts can point me in the right direction. All the women on campus here in Perth seem to screen potential partners with a harsh and discerning eye.
Posted by: Paul Lundgren | June 2, 2009 10:06 AM
Am I the only one whose reaction to right-wingers trying to act "hip" for the younger generation is to point and laugh? Michael Steele and Bobby Jindal are the worst.
Posted by: frog | June 2, 2009 10:06 AM
Ah, PZ, always missing the point. The fundies don't care about teenage pregnancy or kids having sex -- after all, we're all sinners.
What they care about is experimenting with sex. A thoughtful program of experimentation, of questioning the handed out wisdom by directly experiencing reality, of considering your own judgment as or even more valuable than received wisdom --- that is what the fundies hate.
Just like the RCC worries more about priests marrying than about priest raping. "Loss of control" is just fine with these nut-cases -- it's the rejection of authority that is their great worry.
I thought you were raised with these authoritarians -- but you never did get them, did you?
Posted by: Tom Morris | June 2, 2009 10:10 AM
One of the most amusing things on the CWW site is a PDF called "The Isms": "A short and sarcastic guide to your professor's favorite philosophies". It says that Michel Foucault was a postmodernist "who liked to kill people in his spare time". Well, he liked to engage in risky sex in bath-houses and died of AIDS. They also say Nietzsche was a postmodernist. Neither is correct. Then later on they say that Nietzsche was also an exsitentialist. Nietzschean thought can be thought of as a pre-cursor to postmodernism and existentialism.
The description of existentialism? "Existentialists believe
self-examination is the only way to answer these questions. Jesus, your pastors, or the Bible can’t help you find meaning, only you can." Err, no. The fact that people manage to be Christian existentialists seems to fuck that up.
Also, they say that deism "makes no sense". A non-interventionist God makes no sense? Let the little inferential hamster wheel turn a little and one may find another similar -ism may not make much sense either.
They say of atheism: "a true atheist is forced to put faith in the non-existence of faith". Here's a saucepan: feel free to knock yourself over the head with it to kickstart your fundamentalist re-education. Anyone here got any faith in the non-existence of faith? Or just a new-found burning desire that 'faith' would just fuck-off and stop trying to pre-immunise high school kids from learning anything at university.
As for agnostics? They're just lazy, good-fer-nuthin' quitters who think we can't know anything. (Reality: they think we can know many things - they just think the class of God-like stuff is one of those things we can't know anything about, for some pretty good reasons.)
The sad thing about this is that it's basically saying to teenagers that the way to pass Philosophy or History of Western Culture 101 or whatnot is to be completely fucking ignorant about any philosophy or idea and to stay that way. Then put your hand up and challenge the evil, atheist professor with the facts one's gleaned from a PDF written by a complete buffoon.
Oh, and given a recent shooting in Kansas, I'd much rather take my chances in a dark alley with a postmodernist or New Age goof than the sort of person who sends their kids to listen to this bullshit.
Posted by: Ian | June 2, 2009 10:11 AM
Funny how I had 3 pregnant students in one class in high school, and don't even remember seeing one walking around campus at the liberal arts university I attended. Well one of my profs was pregnant but that's it. :)
They got things a little mixed up.
Posted by: Susan | June 2, 2009 10:13 AM
No shit. It's as if they have minds of their own.Posted by: Equisetum | June 2, 2009 10:24 AM
@Walton, #24:
That reminded me of high school a hell of a lot more than of college. College was an escape from people trying to bully me, and the only guy who ever talked about existentialism was smiling.
@Ian, #29:
Same here. In two years of college the only pregnant student was married.
Posted by: Chiaroscuro | June 2, 2009 10:34 AM
Its that site for real? It looks like one of those funny SNL tv ads.
Posted by: Jason A.
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June 2, 2009 10:37 AM
So what do you do when a significant segment of your population has become so absurd they defy parody?
Posted by: chancelikely | June 2, 2009 10:49 AM
Jason A., #33:
Complete senseofhumorectomy. At least that's the reaction I've seen.
Posted by: frog | June 2, 2009 11:03 AM
Jason: So what do you do when a significant segment of your population has become so absurd they defy parody?
Become??? You've got it backwards -- for the first time in a very long time, we're not all like that. For most of human history, these folks have been normal, and we've been rare freaks.
Remember, most societies have been basically military societies, with serfs, soldiers and aristocrats. The primary moral value for those who aren't aristocrats is obedience. It all makes sense once you understand that. God is just the reification of the principle of obedience to authority.
Except for a few independent merchants (tinkers, cobblers, etc), everyone thought just like these people. That's why you get throughout the European Middle Ages breakouts of antinomianism, as people rejected everything so they could be free, and why you find anti-semitism almost everywhere you find Jews -- they had high percentages of cobblers, tinkers, and other small merchants who were neither slaves nor masters, and were therefore a great danger to the moral structure of society.
Man, it's like no one has any idea about our history, or has bothered to have a passing knowledge of Nietzche. Freedom is new!
We've only been a significant portion of society in a few outlying pirate style societies, like some of the Greek states.
Posted by: Leslie in Canada | June 2, 2009 11:18 AM
I really liked the video of Kim going off to college and coming back pregnant and with tattoos. The title says "Nine months later," so unless Kim was pregnant when she drove off in her Beetle, she is a Girl Who Makes Friends Easily since she got knocked up in her first week at college. Perhaps not the best upbringing...
Posted by: Standard curve
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June 2, 2009 11:23 AM
(1950's style announcer voiceover): That's how it was in 2009... But here in "tomorrows world" parents wanting to protect the ideals they drilled into their children's heads can use the new brain staple or brain-band surgical methods. Based on the same principles as the stomach staple or lap-band surgeries, it prevents too many ideas getting into impressionable minds. Fill their brains up at home and staple them shut.
"Say Billy, tell us how you feel after a year at college and your brain-band!"
Billy: "Ngkhhhh grphhh blaeghhhh..."
Announcer (now on screen with Ronald Reagan hair giving thumbs up): "Mom and dad couldn't be more proud."
Posted by: Ouchimoo | June 2, 2009 11:31 AM
Nah, she was probably upset that her mondo looser "I'll wait for you!" boyfriend knocked her up before she left and then she met some really intelligent, handsome, guy who doesn't wet the bed that she would rather have a relationship with. Or at least. . that's what I got out of it.
Posted by: FlyingSpaghettiTroll
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June 2, 2009 11:50 AM
So I've decided to leave comments on their site. I think sites like this can use a little critique of their ideas. Even if they delete it, hearing the criticisms of their own irrationality might actually encourage them to attempt a more rational presentation. If we can get them to teach their own people a little more rational thought, perhaps it'll be less of a mess to unjam their heads later.
-FST
Posted by: BadSeed | June 2, 2009 12:57 PM
I have to agree with the pregnancy timing thing -- nine months later looking close to full term = impregnated by clingy "iiii'lll wait for youooooooooo" boyfriend...
But what really baffles me is how Tai Chi is presented as some sort of occult/corrupting/postmodernist threat.
Tai Chi? Really?
Posted by: nate | June 2, 2009 1:08 PM
Wonder why he deleted it so quickly??? I would suspect the bloody fantasy about a dead educator had something to do with it.
Looks like P.Z. was pushing some major traffic his way, so I'm sure he noticed an uptick. The "edited" version without the iPod scene had had like 1200 views today... the most on any other day was like 3.
He was also apparently promoting this shitty little production before all the heathens found it...
From Mark's twitter feed:
"Just whipped out another CWW promo. This one involves iPods, professors, and body fluids. I know, strange combo.
11:39 AM Apr 23rd from web"
Posted by: Siamang | June 2, 2009 1:31 PM
Is it me, or does the guy running the site have that same weird repressed lisp that Ted Haggard does?
My gaydar's going off.
http://vimeo.com/3300322
And yes, he seems to have a fixation with violence.
Posted by: nichole | June 2, 2009 1:37 PM
~agree with #39.~
That looks like a fun place to troll. Let's see how moderate-y they are. It does look like it'll be harsh, however.
http://collegeweekendworkshop.com/i-dont-speak-idiot/
nichole
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Jun 2, 2009 @ 9:08 am
Sweet! I’m sure that’s everything I need to know and I don’t need to do any more research on any of those topics. Wow, how awesome that you can condense the life works and master teachings of everyone from Xenophanes to Aristotle on a two page pdf !!with room for graphics!!
Simply amazing.
Posted by: FlameDuck | June 2, 2009 1:58 PM
Well it's actually true, but they've got the cause and effect bits mixed up. In order to learn something, you've got to be willing to be wrong on occasion. If you just keep repeating the same mundane drivel from the bible as fact, you're not learning anything, regardless of what Kent Hovind and Smirk Cameron think. What? Just one? God really is starting to slip on his old age. The Old Testament God would have slaughtered the entire subcontinent, to get to just one atheist. He was a lot more WMD, and not so much Surgical Strike back then.In either case I'm pretty sure that open Buddhist and supporter of gay rights, Steve Jobs probably isn't too happy with his trademark being devalued in such a fashion. That's probably why it got pulled. In the real world, Steve Jobs is more powerful than an ancient god. And there you were thinking it was a good idea to buy a Zune. :o>
Posted by: Pareidolius | June 2, 2009 2:16 PM
Another website so cluelessly over the top that it places the viewer on the disorienting treadmill of the mind where fact and fiction seamlessly blur into one . . . The Pöebius Strip (cue theramin music).
Posted by: The Other Ian | June 2, 2009 2:31 PM
Is anybody else wondering if maybe this is a subtle hint from Eric Hovind as to what will happen if PZ continues to pursue his iPod Touch?
Posted by: llewelly | June 2, 2009 2:49 PM
They know your IP, PZ.Posted by: Emmet, OM
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June 2, 2009 2:51 PM
I'm left wondering why they're trying to advertise the notion that Christians are pusillanimous, gullible, and promiscuous.
Posted by: Marcus | June 2, 2009 3:19 PM
So umm, did anyone get the screen size for the giant ipod touch? Specs, release date or anything. Just wondering.
Posted by: Qwerty
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June 2, 2009 3:35 PM
From a PDF at their website:
"a•the•ism
Atheists argue over the definition of atheism. Some say it’s 'not believing in God' while others claim it’s 'believing there is no God'. Either one is a hard pill to swallow. The first definition doesn’t deny God’s existence; it simply states you don’t believe
in Him. That’s like saying you don’t believe in trees because you dislike raking. "
Huh? I guess I am an atheist because I don't like raking leaves!
Posted by: Criswell
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June 2, 2009 4:00 PM
They left out an "ism" in their pdfs (scroll to the bottom of their horribly coloured webpage): Jism (or jizzum) that erupts after they finish fapping over the prof in the video being crushed by the giant ipod. Plan Nine from OuterSpace was better acted...
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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June 2, 2009 4:16 PM
I watched some of their clips. they're the very definition of a Poe; I can't believe that hilariously stupid shit like that could be for real (very Landover Baptist-esque), but for all I know, they could be.
fucking nutcases
Posted by: Qwerty
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June 2, 2009 4:56 PM
Criswell @ #51
They also forgot the isms they like as in fascism, McCarthyism, racism, sexism, and the ever-popular creationism!
Posted by: Qwerty
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June 2, 2009 5:08 PM
Criswell @ #51
They also forgot the isms they like as in fascism, McCarthyism, racism, sexism, and the ever-popular creationism!
Posted by: Amber | June 2, 2009 6:31 PM
It's not a Poe, because they're linked to a real church. Here's a review from google:
"Watching a friend of mine go from a person perfectly able to formulate their own thoughts to a bible verse spouting, seemingly brainwashed member of the religious far right has been disheartening. Cornerstone seems to preach a version of charismatic prosperity Christianity that is along the lines of Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar and others. This organization is lead by people of questionable credentials: the leader of the organization, Larry Gordon is stated as graduated from a seminary in Missouri or Mississippi (vaguely stated on website) while other leaders such as Gordon's wife and son have no such credentials listed."
Scarily real. I know this is real because I know people who live in that area and have had flyers and tracts about this given to them.
Posted by: Amber | June 2, 2009 6:50 PM
Here is an image of their new building under development (which is visible on google's satellite): http://www.cornerstoneworld.org/masterstouch/phase-4-full.jpg
Apparently they've been running their own little bible college too: http://www.cornerstoneworld.org/biblecollege/index2.html
No wonder they hate secular universities so much... they have to convince people to stick around in Sioux City to go to their indoctrination club instead of thinking critically and being exposed to new ideas.
Posted by: K.R. | June 2, 2009 6:54 PM
http://vimeo.com/3300322
45 seconds in my 8 year old said, "What's wrong with his voice?"
I agree with #42...
Posted by: Jason A.
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June 2, 2009 7:16 PM
#50
More like saying you don't believe in trees because you've never left Antarctica and no one has ever offered you any evidence of trees except vague anecdotes.
Even then not the same, since trees aren't proposed to be supernatural...
Posted by: Di | June 2, 2009 7:20 PM
http://vimeo.com/3531333
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Whoever tagged this video "ass hair soul patch" is my new personal hero!
Posted by: angrycrank | June 2, 2009 7:25 PM
Well, that's what happens when you edumacate women.
I'm surprised Kim is carrying the pregnancy, though. No doubt she is waiting until the day before she's due to have an abortion so she can go to a rock concert.
Posted by: Salt | June 2, 2009 7:56 PM
From #10:
"It isn't only the snakes with PhDs that you have to watch for, some of the marmots with masters degrees can be quite dangerous. "
As the holder of a master's degree, I have long sought to stifle my giggling--it ruins the somber effect one must create until one has presented and defended for a PhD. But what the hell! Woot! That was funny.
Marmot Pride!
Salt
Posted by: LK | June 2, 2009 9:31 PM
The guy who created this is Mark Narouth. An interesting twitter post:
"Just whipped out another CWW promo. This one involves iPods, professors, and body fluids. I know, strange combo."
http://twitter.com/MarkNauroth/status/1596493422
And in case he deletes it, http://tweleted.com/
Posted by: wp | June 2, 2009 10:27 PM
http://vimeo.com/4784525
...this was taped at my school. Disgusting.
Posted by: pile | June 2, 2009 11:07 PM
By the way, we called attention to this organization college weekend workshop, and someone from Creighton Jesuit University in Omaha, NE defaced our wiki page:
http://www.freethoughtpedia.com/index.php?title=College_weekend_workshop&curid=1876&diff=7773&oldid=7771
Don't universities have policies against their students pulling this studd?
Posted by: pile | June 2, 2009 11:08 PM
By the way, we called attention to this organization college weekend workshop, and someone from Creighton Jesuit University in Omaha, NE defaced our wiki page:
http://www.freethoughtpedia.com/index.php?title=College_weekend_workshop&curid=1876&diff=7773&oldid=7771
Don't universities have policies against their students pulling this studd?
Posted by: FlyingSpaghettiTroll
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June 3, 2009 12:39 AM
Looks like all my comments got deleted. Glad to see others replaced them. I'd love to see a parody site dedicated to misleading youth involved with this program in to binge drinking suicidal neitzche felating anarchists. The roll is just too easy to fill.
-FST
Posted by: Ichthyic
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June 3, 2009 1:09 AM
...this was taped at my school. Disgusting.
what they left out, if the vid would be in any way even partially accurate, is how the kid is gang raped by groups of xian thugs AFTER he leaves the campus.
poor kid.
:P
Posted by: antaresrichard | June 3, 2009 1:51 AM
Sorry, I thought tackling a subject was the other way around.
Posted by: Siamang | June 3, 2009 5:33 PM
Video is back online.
http://vimeo.com/4987140
Posted by: chihuahua | June 11, 2009 12:27 PM
the video is back up
http://www.vimeo.com/4987140
Posted by: Stanton
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June 13, 2009 10:00 AM
Would it be possible to have kabin the spambot plonked?