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Category: Weirdness
Posted on: July 3, 2009 5:09 PM, by PZ Myers
Because it would end embarrassing mistakes like this one.
A group of teenagers misunderstood a woman's screams during sex and, thinking they were stopping an assault, beat a 25-year-old man in her bedroom, police said.
Multiple tragedies here: not only was an innocent man beat up, but now everyone at school is so going to know those teenagers are like total virgins.
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Comments
Posted by: Svetogorsk | July 3, 2009 5:17 PM
So "full sex education" includes comprehensive instruction in making/recognising orgasmic noises?
Posted by: daveau
|
July 3, 2009 5:31 PM
1. Is there such a thing as as a partial virgin?
2. There's a Swine Flu Party poll on the linked page, but it doesn't need crashing; "That's Idiotic" is way ahead with 72%. Probably because the site is Canadian.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself
|
July 3, 2009 5:31 PM
Yeah, man, you wouldn't believe it. This woman and I were really getting it on. She was totally into it, screaming and yelling. I was super-hot. Then these kids come bursting into the room and started to beat on me with bats and shit. It seems they thought I was beating her up. What a bunch of stupid assholes. You know they'd never got any or if they had it wasn't any good. Don't they teach these kids anything about sex in school?
Posted by: OurDeadSelves | July 3, 2009 5:33 PM
So "full sex education" includes comprehensive instruction in making/recognising orgasmic noises?
Oh man, that would have made high school health class SO much more fun!
Awesome.
Posted by: AtheistCop | July 3, 2009 5:34 PM
I'm a cop and I've been to a number of calls where a "domestic disturbance" where a woman was screaming and sounds of things being thrown at the walls turned out to be a rather loud couple having sex.
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
|
July 3, 2009 5:36 PM
*immature giggle*
Posted by: Enkidu
|
July 3, 2009 5:40 PM
I lived next to these people! Not only were they loud, they had a parrot, so the neighborhood had to listen to screaming sex even when they weren't home! Swear to Thor!
Posted by: SarahT | July 3, 2009 5:45 PM
While this is ridiculous it also a very brave act by the teens. How often does domestic abuse get ignored or people are too afraid to act on the behalf of someone they don't really know? So while it was stupid at least it was well intentioned.
Posted by: SarahT | July 3, 2009 5:48 PM
While this is ridiculous it also a very brave act by the teens. How often does domestic abuse get ignored or people are too afraid to act on the behalf of someone they don't really know? So while it was stupid at least it was well intentioned.
Posted by: Steve_C | July 3, 2009 5:52 PM
Ummm Sarah. What Planet are you from? You knock on the door and you call the Police. You don't beat the hell out of someone without asking questions first.
Posted by: AJ Milne | July 3, 2009 5:52 PM
Test your literacy... which of the following are orgasmic, and which are assaults*?
a) Yes! Yes! Yes!
b) Jesus! Fuck! Yes! More!
c) Fuck! Harder!
d) No! No more! Fuck! Dammit, honey, I can't remember the fucking safeword! No! Stop! Really! I mean it! Just! Put! That! Fucking! Paddle! Down!...
e) PZ! PZ! PZ!
*BDSM people: no, it's not 'and/or'. Question (d) notwithstanding... Dammit. Stop making this so bloody complicated...
Posted by: Denis Alexander | July 3, 2009 5:59 PM
Which of these sounds is orgasmic?
http://tinyurl.com/nvwjky
Ah... those insects are having fun!
Posted by: Bride of Shrek OM | July 3, 2009 6:00 PM
I have to agree with SarahT,
In this day where so few people will come to the aid of another person I think that these teenagers, whilst misguided, where being rather brave on the face of it. Reading the article it says that one of the girls lived with the woman. If she hadn't heard her screaming before it is only natural she would assume there was a problem.
Personally I think she could have called the police rather than rounding up her teenage posse (sorry AtheistCop- another false call for you to attend!) but maybe her friends were close and she made a hasty judgment call.
Whatever the case, as Atheist Cop points out this mistake is reasonably common, even amongst adults, so is it REALLY an issue of sex education?
On a less mature note my husband says he dumped an ex-girlfriend for, amongst other things, the fact she was screamer and grunter. He says it was too embarassing specially in hotels etc and was "akin to having sex with Monica Seles in full Wimbledon mode". *snort, giggle*
Posted by: Dr P | July 3, 2009 6:08 PM
They've obviously never watched porn, or Desperate Housewives, or music videos, or commercials, or youtube...
*Oh man, that would have made high school health class SO much more fun!*
My high school health class included discussions about orgasms...it's fun when you're emotionally ready for that discussion, not so much when you're 15 and naive.
Posted by: Alison | July 3, 2009 6:14 PM
This incident was tons of fun to read about too:
http://www.todaystmj4.com/news/local/45555407.html
You think you can kick back and watch an adult movie in peace and then BLAMMO! Someone kicks in the door and threatens you with a sword.
Posted by: Owlmirror | July 3, 2009 6:19 PM
Can't believe no-one linked this yet:
http://www.xkcd.com/316/
(Spherical or parabolic reflectors would of course lead to aberrant behavior.)
Posted by: cicely
|
July 3, 2009 6:25 PM
Steve_C @ #10:
True, but.....
If your experience of police response times is that the perpetrator of the assault can have killed her 5 times over and got well away before the cops arrive, I can see it.
And....
If you just want an excuse to beat the living shit out of someone for an "acceptable" reason, I could see, but not condone, it.
Posted by: Lynna | July 3, 2009 6:29 PM
If you live next to the right couple you can learn to shout Spanish orgasm-related phrases, although some of them sound kind of like a food orgy instead.
Posted by: MadScientist | July 3, 2009 6:31 PM
Is that a real story or something for the Snopes archive?
Posted by: Zeno | July 3, 2009 6:33 PM
Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are two more excellent reasons for comprehensive sex education.
Posted by: Marc Abian | July 3, 2009 6:41 PM
I can understand mistaking the screams, but it should have been obvious what was goig on once the went inside.
Posted by: Uncephalized
|
July 3, 2009 6:44 PM
To all those people saying you should just call the cops if you think someone is being attacked--WTF? So what, the cops can be right on time to clean up the body? It must take at least a few minutes to get cops on a scene, and that's more than long enough to kill someone. If you really think someone is being killed, and you can do something about it, you are a coward if you don't. Stopping violence is everybody's problem.
Now of course, once you burst in and they are clearly having sex, maaaaybe you should avoid hitting the guy with a baseball bat until you have ascertained that there is, in fact, a rape occurring.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself
|
July 3, 2009 6:45 PM
Maybe the kids thought the guy was raping the woman.
Posted by: Bride of Shrek OM | July 3, 2009 6:59 PM
Uncephalized
As far as I can see only one person is saying they should NOT have gone in but should have called the police.
If you're referring to me, perhaps I should clarify if you didn't read my post well enough. I said those kids were brave and I would definately call the police but would ALSO assist in the meantime. I work day in and day out with victims of violence and I work my arse off to protect them as well as being a victim of DV myself so I'm well aware of the issues.
If you were NOT referring to me then feel free to ignore.
Posted by: OurDeadSelves | July 3, 2009 7:00 PM
e) PZ! PZ! PZ!
Ew. EW! No offense, but PZ is the last thing on my mind during dirty-time.
Posted by: Janeothejungle | July 3, 2009 7:02 PM
You would think a small group of teenagers bursting in on you would have curtailed the moment fairly quickly, allowing for some explanations, eh?
On a side note, nice one Mrs. Robinson.
Posted by: Andyo
|
July 3, 2009 7:02 PM
Wow that must have been a rough one.
Posted by: Clare | July 3, 2009 7:02 PM
I think there may be more to this story... the 16 year old who rounded up the teen caped crusaders "lives in the same house" as the woman they were supposedly trying to save. So are they related? Had she heard these kinds of "noises" before? Is claiming that "they thought she was being attacked" a cover story? The one thing that's clear is that really is "weird news."
Posted by: Somnolent Aphid | July 3, 2009 7:04 PM
It's Torrington. They're inbred. Lay off. We don't go making fun of Bemidji do we?
Posted by: Otto | July 3, 2009 7:04 PM
-preacher
-Were they married to each other?
-If not, it was the well deserved punishment by the lord.
-preacher
But really, one can't invent this kind of crap!
Posted by: Otto | July 3, 2009 7:12 PM
Yes Aphid, we do make fun of the Swedish bachelor farmers of Minnesota:
Swedish sex manual:
In
Out
Repeat if necessary
Posted by: SimonG | July 3, 2009 7:13 PM
This problem could so easily be avoided if people were taught the proper use of gags.
Posted by: Heraclides | July 3, 2009 7:13 PM
Vaguely related, apparently Palin is resigning her governorship of Alaska in July to focus on the presidential elections in 2010... (I can just imagine her giving a demonstration of, erm, "appropriate" noises as part of her campaign. Or at least a comedian making her out to be doing this.)
Posted by: rnb | July 3, 2009 7:23 PM
It's one thing to investigate a scream from a neighbor's
apartment. I've done that myself. But I've never assaulted anyone.
Posted by: C. M. Baxter | July 3, 2009 7:35 PM
Many (and I do mean many) years ago I had a girlfriend who was quite loud in bed. When we first started going together, the guy in the apartment next to hers became jealous of me because he’d been trying, unsuccessfully, to date her. Anytime she was home alone, he would come knocking at her door on some pretext and then start bugging her, asking what she saw in me, why she wouldn’t go out with him, and so on.
So far in our relationship we had always had sex at my place across town but one night we did it at her apartment, with her being her usual loud self. Upon hearing all the noise, the guy next door burst from his apartment, ran up the walkway and began banging on her door, asking if she was alright, was I beating up on her, did she need his help? Well, that sent us both into shrieks of laughter, which he obviously heard because he stopped pounding on the door. After that, he stopped talking to her altogether and just glared at me whenever we passed on the walkway.
A few days later she agreed to move in with me so we started packing up all of her stuff. As we were hauling everything out to the cars the guy next door came home. Without a word, he brushed past us, entered his apartment and slammed the door. As we carried out the very last load, my girlfriend paused in front of her neighbor’s door, withdrew a pair of lace panties from her bag and hung them on the doorknob. Even now, I wonder what his reactions were when he discovered them.
Ah…I was so young then.
Posted by: colin | July 3, 2009 7:35 PM
Maybe they watched porn with the sound off so their parents could not hear them. If they had sound on it would be a different story
Posted by: Steamshovelmama | July 3, 2009 7:43 PM
I'm going to put my sceptic head on here. I suspect we don't have the whole story... What? The woman didn't start yelling, "Hey, stop beating on my boy friend!" Plus the fact that the report is unclear about the girl's relationship to the woman and says so.
And... no, you probably can't wait for the police to get there but if your intention is simply to prevent a crime you all rush in, grab the guy, overpower him and then you stop. And call the police. Or kick him out of the house if the police aren't your thing. You don't mete out summary rough justice over (one would assume) the protests of the supposed victim.
No... this one just doesn't add up as reported. More data required.
Posted by: J-Ball | July 3, 2009 7:44 PM
>>I can understand mistaking the screams, but it should
>>have been obvious what was goig on once the went inside.
>Maybe the kids thought the guy was raping the woman.
Apparently he was stabbing her repeatedly with a large blunt object...
Posted by: Joven | July 3, 2009 7:58 PM
Like most things, The Fonz has already solved this problem - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3C6PBlu1WA
Posted by: Anonymous | July 3, 2009 8:03 PM
I agree it's good that those kids wanted to do something right, but I still think they were wrong to beat the man with a baseball bat, especially if he surrendered. The woman he was with probably objected too. You always need to be careful, and have the humility to understand that you might not know everything about a situation. Also, when someone gives up, you should stop attacking them.
That said, I'm 25, 250lbs and do Jiu Jitsu and MMA 4x a week. If 4 teenagers came into my house with a weapon and kept coming after I asked them to stop and call the police, I would probably be pretty severe in my response.
Posted by: Cara | July 3, 2009 8:32 PM
At least their aim was to stop a rape instead of cheer it on or join in. That's why it's news.
Posted by: Rorschach | July 3, 2009 8:48 PM
How is it even possible to mistake 2 people lying naked on top of each other with one screaming delightedly, as anything other than the obvious?
What are these kids,retarded?
Yeah,and what's with this? Daughter? What a weird story.
Another reason to support full sex education
PZ,please elaborate...:-)
Posted by: Honna | July 3, 2009 8:49 PM
Virgin burn.
Posted by: brian | July 3, 2009 8:50 PM
At least their aim was to stop a rape instead of cheer it on or join in. That's why it's news.
are you really saying that joining in on a gang rape is so common that it's not newsworthy?
or are you just a solution in search of a problem?
Posted by: Douglas McClean | July 3, 2009 8:51 PM
The link in #15 is hilarious!
Posted by: Honna | July 3, 2009 8:51 PM
Virgin burn.
Posted by: CatBallou | July 3, 2009 10:13 PM
I dunno, nothing says "faking it" like loud screams.
Posted by: Prillotashekta | July 3, 2009 10:15 PM
What gets me is that, according to the story, the teen girl heard the screams, left to round up her friends, and only then entered the room to stop the suspected assault.
Kind of defeats the whole "if it had been assault, the cops might not have gotten there in time" argument.
Posted by: Gecko the Flaming Lizard | July 3, 2009 10:19 PM
Yup, that totally sounds like my classmates. I guess I'll just have to be quiet around them unless they mistake my sarcastic comments for real belief, as well...
Posted by: littlejohn | July 3, 2009 11:56 PM
Yep. Happened to me a long time ago. Lived in an apartment building and someone called the police.
The annoying thing was the damn neighbors hung around my door while I had to explain it to the cops. I'm sure the cops had seen this sort of thing before, but I suspect they were having a little fun.
Posted by: Nanu Nanu | July 4, 2009 12:15 AM
Oh Athe damn it... is it subam* again? Someone call PZ.
*mispelled to avoid calling him out in case it's not him: I'm sure he surfs looking for his name.
Posted by: Travis | July 4, 2009 12:25 AM
This is why we always try to remember to lock the door and not let 16 year old girls stay in the apartment while having loud kinky sex.
That said I do often worry someone will call the police and interrupt in the middle of things. Often it would look very bad for me.
Posted by: OurDeadSelves | July 4, 2009 12:32 AM
pz thinks he can debunk God and all His Angels
*Yawn* I've only been here a few months, but you people are already boring the shit out of me.
Posted by: Darren Garrison | July 4, 2009 12:44 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPqOx-Smqrc
Posted by: Autumn
|
July 4, 2009 1:10 AM
If they had burst in on me and my wife, they would have assumed that she was already dead!
Tip your waitresses and try the veal. I'm here all week.
Posted by: shaun | July 4, 2009 1:31 AM
Are you people serious? You actually BELIEVE this cock and bull story about mistakes?
A bunch of teenagers beat some guy with a baseball bat for reason X (daughter hates moms boyfriend, money, drugs, whatever), then concoct really thin reason Y to try and escape jail.
And no matter what the reason is, laying into someone with a bat is GBH/attempted murder not in any way a defensive act, and jail is where they belong.
Posted by: MikeP | July 4, 2009 1:38 AM
There is a game show in Turkey where different theologians compete to convert 10 atheists. It's just begging to be ridiculed!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090703/od_nm/us_gameshow_odd
Posted by: Bill Dauphin | July 4, 2009 2:53 AM
Herclides (@33):
It's apparently not clear at all that the Hockey Mom® is stepping down to clear her way for a presidential run (BTW, that would be 2012, not 2010). She may be quitting politics altogether... or pehaps preparing to be criminally investigated.
Of course, with all the recent Repub revelations (Ensign, Sanford, et al.), it's hard not to speculate about whether she's been riding someone's snow machine other than Todd's, isn't it? <nixon>But that would be wrong!</nixon>
Posted by: CatBallou
|
July 4, 2009 4:00 AM
If memory serves.
Posted by: Miguel | July 4, 2009 4:23 AM
@Steve_C (#10):
Totally. Five (with a bat!) beating up one (naked?) is not protecting the innocent -- it's mob thuggery.
Posted by: Svetogorsk | July 4, 2009 5:59 AM
It's a shame Pete Rooke got banned, as it might have been useful to have had some genuine insight from a self-confessed virgin.
Mind you, he'd also try to introduce some more of his unsavoury fantasies, which would only muddy the waters further.
Posted by: winrar | July 4, 2009 7:27 AM
Another reason for sex ed: http://i39.tinypic.com/2144mf4.jpg
And if you want some continuation: http://i41.tinypic.com/jpbi1c.jpg
xD
Posted by: Marc Abian | July 4, 2009 7:42 AM
Yes, he could provide a unique insight, because most people here were never virgins...
Oh snap!
Posted by: Benjamin Franklin | July 4, 2009 10:34 AM
Does full sex education include viewing "When Harry met Sally"?
Posted by: Rorschach | July 4, 2009 10:51 AM
winrar @ 62,
That is....disturbing.
Posted by: Pi Guy | July 4, 2009 11:33 AM
To all who seem to believe that the well-intentioned destruction of preperty, violating peoples civil liberites, and assaulting innocent people is somehow virtuous, I ask: Huh? Can you really not get it that badly?
In both the teens-pummel-cougar-huntin-dude-goin-at-it and samauri-wannabe-goes-apeshit-over-neighbor-who-just-had-the-volume-up-too-loud cases, the well-intentioned-dipshit-and-now-criminals could've taken one simple step to prevent their being publicly ridiculed and criminally charged: knock first.
In all but the most extreme cases, even the police are required to announce their presence and identify themselves and, if the situation is not what they expected, they have a story to tell the fellers at the station house. That's all. If in either case, had the offenders simply not assumed that every case has to be treated as the worst possible and just knocked and said "Yo - I'm your neightbor from upstairs. It's pretty loud in there. Is everything okay?" Then legally-entitled-porno-guy comes to the door and says "Dude - sorry. I must've just had the volume up too loud. I'll turn it down." The only fallout from this is maybe that they chuckle whenever they pass each other in the hall or at the elevator. No harm, no foul.
What you're praising here isn't bravery but recklessness, a lack of respect for the privacy of others, and vigilante justice. I find nothing at all worhty of praise in their behavior.
Posted by: Peter Ashby | July 4, 2009 1:51 PM
Why am I reminded by this discussion of the scene in Monty Python's Meaning of Life where John Cleese as a teacher demonstrates graphically to his class of deeply bored teenage boys?
Posted by: BaldApe | July 4, 2009 1:57 PM
I once had a neighbor upstairs who went on so long I began to think she was being beaten. Dildo, perhaps? Everybody in the building knew the guy's name was Jimmy in any event.
Anyway, when they were done, a guy in the parking lot applauded.
Oh, and PiGuy,
I agree. I once saw a TV show where some woman was walking down a dark street and a man was walking behind her. Of course she assumed he was a rapist, after all, no one ever just happens to be walking in the same direction, right?
Anyway, she turned on him, whipped out her Kung Fu moves, and beat the crap out of the guy. I was really hoping it would turn out he was some stay-at-home dad just out to get a case of formula or something.
Alas, it was not to be. The show, after all, was one of those whose real raison d'etre is to make sure people are too terrified to go outdoors at night, so the actual criminals get free rein.
Posted by: Eliza | July 5, 2009 3:01 AM
This is worrying. I'm very loud, sometimes. Does the fact no-one breaks into my room mean no-one cares if I'm getting beat on? Perhaps the bed squeaks loud enough for it to be obvious.
See, that's the solution; buy a squeaky bed.
On a serious note, I agree with Pi Guy @66.
"In both the teens-pummel-cougar-huntin-dude-goin-at-it and samauri-wannabe-goes-apeshit-over-neighbor-who-just-had-the-volume-up-too-loud cases, the well-intentioned-dipshit-and-now-criminals could've taken one simple step to prevent their being publicly ridiculed and criminally charged: knock first."
Indeed.
Posted by: Last Hussar | July 5, 2009 7:17 AM
Doesn't mean to say they were virgins. They were teenagers- probably never lasted long enough for the woman to get to orgasm...
Posted by: Somnolent Aphid | July 5, 2009 8:35 PM
Like I said. It's Torrington. They're inbred. Here's another example. http://www.registercitizen.com/articles/2009/07/03/news/doc4a4e4b4376f31937511817.txt
Posted by: Kat | July 6, 2009 8:55 PM
One time my friend and her boyfriend were playing video games and she was yelling, "Stop kicking me! Here, take that!" so the neighbors called the cops. The funny thing is they were lounging around in her lingerie when the cops knocked. Yes, him too.
Posted by: Somnolent Aphid | July 7, 2009 7:43 AM
the reporter said, "while her ex-boyfriend says she's very vocal in bed, she had nothing to say to us."
http://www.fox61.com/wtic-baseball-bat-victim-0706-photos,0,3625281.photogallery