…and this is a 
Some Irish workmen were cutting down a tree, and lo and behold, the stump supposedly resembles the Virgin Mary, although how they found a hymen in that lump, I don't know. The real source of amusement, though, is the way it has put the local Catholic church representatives in a dither.
Local parish priest Fr Willie Russell said on radio station Limerick Live 95FM yesterday that people should not worship the tree. "There's nothing there . . . it's just a tree . . . you can't worship a tree."
I hope the Irish druids are going to be rightly upset at this horribly offensive slur against their faith.
A spokesman for the Limerick diocesan office said the "church's response to phenomena of this type is one of great scepticism".
R i g h t. That would be a first.
"While we do not wish in any way to detract from devotion to Our Lady, we would also wish to avoid anything which might lead to superstition," he said.
Says the fellow with a fine collection of saints' feast days, magic crackers, sacred relics, and chants and rituals to invoke supernatural powers.
Comments
Posted by: Lynna | July 9, 2009 10:30 AM
Gentlemen and Gentle Ladies, recalibrate your irony meters.
Posted by: JD | July 9, 2009 10:31 AM
Here we go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xfqht0LEOWQ
Posted by: Andyo
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July 9, 2009 10:35 AM
Presumably (been implied by conservative brothers I used to know) the catholic church isn't very fond of regional "virgins" and parades and such crap, but they put up with it because the people need something closer to home to worship. They will happily claim "skepticism" when asked but really won't do much else or will drag their feet in their "criticism" cause after all this bullshit makes peoples believe.
By the way, Mitchell and Webb are on a roll, it seems:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xfqht0LEOWQ
Posted by: stogoe | July 9, 2009 10:35 AM
Hang on a bit, there. There's nothing wrong with having a feast each and every week, or even every other day. Fine, some old man in a dress gets up and wobbles his hands around, but doesn't Uncle Jim do the exact same thing at Christmas?
Posted by: daveau
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July 9, 2009 10:36 AM
I don't think it's her. I mean, why would Mary wear a crucifix? Wasn't she Jewish?
Peasey- I've heard of virgin timber, surprised you haven't.
Posted by: Rick R | July 9, 2009 10:39 AM
It's always good for a giggle when some religious moron mentions superstition, then grumbles how it's what "those other people do".
Priceless.
Posted by: Mark Borok | July 9, 2009 10:40 AM
That is clearly the Venus of Willendorf. Not the Virgin Mary.
Posted by: Kevin | July 9, 2009 10:40 AM
As someone who lives in Limerick I can only offer my apologies for the ignorance of my countrymen.
Posted by: Desert Son
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July 9, 2009 10:46 AM
I'm as big a fan of pattern recognition as anybody, but this is ridiculous.
Poses the question: did the priests issue the statements out of genuine concern for the "spiritual well-being" of the parishioners, or are they worried folks will spend more time worshiping cellulose rather than perched on pews? Bit of both?
More Guinness, less godliness.
No kings,
Robert
Posted by: Nominal Egg | July 9, 2009 10:46 AM
Yahweh fucked that?
Posted by: Elisabeth Robson | July 9, 2009 10:47 AM
I love this story! Just goes to show how easy it is for "religion" and "cult" to get started.
Posted by: ThePetey | July 9, 2009 10:47 AM
@ #4
Uncle Jimmy liked to OTHER things that priests like to do. Which is why he's no longer allowed to Christmas dinner when young boys are present.
Posted by: Rebelest | July 9, 2009 10:52 AM
But Dr. Myers, what do you think of the claims of a team of British scientists to have created human sperm from embryonic stem cells? How do they do it? Maybe someday they could clone MMOg.
Posted by: TheBiologista | July 9, 2009 10:53 AM
I particularly like the clever deployment of rosary beads as a means to help us figure out where the Stumpmonster's head is.
Posted by: Paul Browne | July 9, 2009 10:53 AM
"I hope the Irish druids are going to be rightly upset at this horribly offensive slur against their faith."
Rightly upset? Perhaps even outraged?
http://www.independent.ie/national-news/libel-and-blasphemy-bill-passed-by-the-dail-1813479.html
http://blasphemy.ie/2009/07/07/dail-to-vote-on-blasphemy-law-tomorrow/#more-643
Maybe that idiot Dermot Ahern (and the TDs who supported his blasphemy law) is going to learn just how stupid he has been somewhat sooner than I had anticipated:-)
Posted by: John | July 9, 2009 10:58 AM
I'm from Limerick also. Reminds me of 25 years ago or so when moving statues hit the headlines. If I recall correctly, the whole primary school were taken up to the church one day to pray to "our lady". We stared at that statue for ages but she(it) didn't budge. A few claimed to have seen tears or some such nonsense - ah the power of the human mind.
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | July 9, 2009 11:00 AM
It's frightening to imagine the sexual repression necessary for someone even to perceive that stump as suggesting a feminine figure.
Posted by: ThePetey | July 9, 2009 11:01 AM
Have you also noticed they put a smaller statue of Mary where her hooch should be? I guess the tree may want to use it as a dildo from time to time and fuck herself.
Posted by: Matt Penfold | July 9, 2009 11:04 AM
No need to apologise. Everyone has its loonies, and Ireland is not exception.
And besides we can forgive you a lot owing the beauty of Irish women and your beer.
Posted by: Paul Browne | July 9, 2009 11:06 AM
ThePetey"Have you also noticed they put a smaller statue of Mary where her hooch should be? I guess the tree may want to use it as a dildo from time to time and fuck herself."
Careful now!
Posted by: Roland Branconnier | July 9, 2009 11:07 AM
In Limerick, Pareidolia Gone Wild! What's Next?
Posted by: Desert Son
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July 9, 2009 11:11 AM
"Down with this sort of thing!"
[/Father Ted]
No kings,
Robert
Posted by: randombloke | July 9, 2009 11:15 AM
The spokesman from Limerick is correct though;
the church, sorry, The Church responds to any and all claims of miracles not appearing in their holy book with instant scepticism, because any other response would eventually destroy their racket. Thus they release carefully neutral press statements, deploy their inquisitors, write serious reports and eventually, inevitably, conclude that the observed phenomenon is either a chance natural occurrence or the result of malfeasance.Posted by: Mark | July 9, 2009 11:21 AM
Limerick eh?
There once was a tree from South Ireland,
Whose fate was now up to woods hire-ons,
When faced by the saw, the profile dropped jaws
and gods loins the look did place the fire on.
Posted by: billybob | July 9, 2009 11:21 AM
Ever cut down a tree with a chainsaw?
Knocked down quite a few.
You would never cut down through the tree on this angle.
This looks contrived/sculpted.
Posted by: Debbie | July 9, 2009 11:29 AM
I don't see anything that even remotely looks like the Virgin Mary. If anything, it reminds me of the old style Earth Goddess/Gaia figures.
Then again, I haven't got my glasses on. Maybe that would help?
Posted by: Richard Eis | July 9, 2009 11:38 AM
"I hope the Irish druids are going to be rightly upset at this horribly offensive slur against their faith."
I hope they complain and get the 25 grand under the new blasphemy law. which of course wasn't put in just to protect the christian religion.
Posted by: Janine, OMnivore | July 9, 2009 11:40 AM
Actually, they can only move when no one sees them.
DO! NOT! CLOSE! YOUR! EYES!
DO! NOT! BLINK!
Posted by: Matt Penfold | July 9, 2009 11:40 AM
I think you Guinness might be a better option. Ten pints of Guinness Original, or the Foreign Extra if you can get it, should do the trick.
Posted by: Elwood Herring | July 9, 2009 11:44 AM
If I was there I'd be soooooo tempted to draw a smiley face on its "head".
Posted by: tsg | July 9, 2009 11:44 AM
First rule of the intertubes: as soon as you say "you would never...", a dozen people will show up to tell you not only why you might, but that they have.
Also, because of the perspective, the angle might not be as steep as it looks.
Posted by: Nigel | July 9, 2009 11:48 AM
That's East Limerick for you.
Stuff I heard about this on the radio last night:
Miracle no. 1: the tree somehow managed to not fall on the men cutting it down.
Miracle no. 2: It cured a rash. A doctor was reported as being 'puzzled.'
There's supposed to be a likeness of Jesus on the other side.
Sure whatever the priest says it'll be a great way of getting the people back in the churches after the report into child abuse and all.
I'm as cynical about the Catholic Church as anyone, but a good parish priest can be tough-minded, down to earth and well in tune with the needs of his locality, and if he's one of these, I suspect Fr Russell knows bad news when he sees it.
Posted by: XD | July 9, 2009 11:48 AM
Thanks Andyo (#3), I hadn't seen that one before. Gave me a good chuckle.
Posted by: David | July 9, 2009 11:49 AM
There once was a tree turned to stump,
Which to me looks most like a lump.
But the catholics see Mary
And though I am wary,
It does look like her in the rump.
(nice try Mark#24, but your limerick form's off).
Posted by: elwood herring | July 9, 2009 11:54 AM
I couldn't resist it.
Posted by: Nigel | July 9, 2009 11:56 AM
There once was a tree near Rathkeale,
Which, once felled, did gloriously reveal
Mother Mary the Virgin,
A holy wood version,
Mind out for them splinters when you kneel.
Posted by: daveau
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July 9, 2009 11:57 AM
Elwood @35-
That's exactly why god created Photoshop. Juvenile and hilarious.
Posted by: Laura | July 9, 2009 12:00 PM
My first thought was that it was a deliberate sculpture of a Gaia figure what with being all lumpy and misshapen, and not even a good one at that.
And who cuts down a tree at such a bizarre angle? I think they're trying a bit too hard here.
Posted by: dreikin | July 9, 2009 12:06 PM
Dang it - I expected to already find a suitable poem from Cuttlefish! I mean, look at the name of the town!
Posted by: dreikin | July 9, 2009 12:09 PM
(Not to ignore those of you who have already taken advantage of the situation, of course)
Posted by: severn | July 9, 2009 12:09 PM
She looks fat, obviously because she's wearing a burqa!
Posted by: tsg | July 9, 2009 12:10 PM
De Dah de dah de dah
de dah de de dah de de dah
de dah de de dah
de dah de de dah
de dah de dah what the fuck?
Posted by: Desert Son
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July 9, 2009 12:10 PM
Religion, by definition.
No kings,
Robert
Posted by: jdhuey | July 9, 2009 12:29 PM
Your unfounded beliefs: superstition. My unfounded beliefs: religion.
Posted by: Stephen P | July 9, 2009 12:31 PM
Well, not quite. Huge numbers of these apparitions are launched by gullible catholics. Even the RCC worked out a long time ago that accepting all of them would make them look terminally silly (I mean: even to other catholics). So they tend to um and ah for a few months to see whether it's one they can get away with. Obviously they quickly decided there was no mileage in this one.
Posted by: Moggie | July 9, 2009 12:36 PM
Fr Russell is just disappointed: when he was told tree fellers wanted to talk to him about the Virgin Mary, he thought it was the Holy Trinity on the phone.
Posted by: tsg | July 9, 2009 12:40 PM
I see what you did there.
Posted by: druidbros | July 9, 2009 12:41 PM
I am so offended. The parish priest has committed heresy. Probably because he hasnt had a woody in years.
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | July 9, 2009 12:42 PM
To produce a figure like that when cutting down a tree requires numerous cuts at improbable angles. It was carved from the stump, and the crew who did it decided to have a bit of fun with a local reporter.
Now take a good, close look at the figure. Where's the bark?
Posted by: Owain Glyn Dwr | July 9, 2009 12:51 PM
As a sculptor God really sucks.
Some chainsaw-wielding Micks
While sawing a tree into sticks,
Whittled the stump
To a robe-wearing lump:
It's Mary (if mentally you're six).
Posted by: Ompompanoosuc | July 9, 2009 12:54 PM
Cutting down trees: Ur doin it rong.
I'm with billybob. This is an insult to all the real miracles.
Posted by: Julie Stahlhut | July 9, 2009 12:56 PM
She actually resembles one of the Pepperpots from Monty Python's Flying Circus. But "The Church of Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion" just doesn't work well in sound bites.
Posted by: JHS
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July 9, 2009 1:09 PM
For some reason, I can't look at that without thinking of this.
Posted by: Marc Abian | July 9, 2009 1:10 PM
I don't think they have any knives in Limerick.
Posted by: Porco Dio | July 9, 2009 1:11 PM
"church's response to phenomena of this type is one of great scepticism".
they seem to have a very thin handbook of quotes as this one seems to have been used before when they learned of child abuse in their ranks...
Posted by: Owain Glyn Dwr | July 9, 2009 1:14 PM
To make fools see appearances of Mary
Is so easy it's really quite scary,
All that's required
Is that she's attired
In "robes" that will gull the unwary.
Posted by: Wildflower | July 9, 2009 1:34 PM
They're lucky they found the tree now. A couple days later and that radio moderator would've been fined with up to 25k euros for blasphemy.
Posted by: ZK
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July 9, 2009 1:36 PM
"There's nothing there . . . it's just a tree . . . you can't worship a tree."
Unless of course the crutch of Rome have it carved into the shape of a cross and whittle the shape of a dying bloke nailed to it, then it magically becomes an idol to be worshipped. All perfectly sensible, for given values of "sensible"
The stupid, when will it end?
ZK
Posted by: Joe Bob | July 9, 2009 1:38 PM
Wait a minute. That stump looks more like Michael Jackson to me. In fact, I can read his lips, and He's singing "Billie Jean".
Posted by: Evolving Squid | July 9, 2009 1:49 PM
I'm not sure I'd want to know... But I'm sure that a bunch of celibate men in dresses have some method.
Posted by: Don in Rochester MN | July 9, 2009 2:13 PM
Other reporters are pun-ishing us with the stroy:
Religious fever has taken root ...
The supposed vision in Rathkeale, Co Limerick, has stumped locals ...
... others think the believers are just barking up the wrong tree.
Posted by: tsg | July 9, 2009 2:27 PM
Just for a larch, maple we should ash them if they can cedar wisemen, too. They aren't as poplar, but it would be pine by me.
Posted by: Abdul Alhazred
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July 9, 2009 2:30 PM
The Catholic Church authorities have to tread a fine line when it comes to apparitions of Mary.
On the one hand, they can't officially dissmiss them all out of hand because it's part of the religion. On the other hand, they can't officially be as gullible as they have trained their members to be, because in the long run that weakens the church.
So if an apparition seems to be getting popular at all, there is an official inquiry. All the rational explanations are considered (and usually the correct one accepted). In addition, the irrational explanation of demonic deception may also be considered.
Only a few apparitions are deemed really real.
Posted by: Matt Penfold | July 9, 2009 2:46 PM
Kind of like the accomodationist position with allowing miracles in science. We are supposed to allow they can happen, just so long as they do not happen often enough that things get silly.
Posted by: Arlene
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July 9, 2009 3:00 PM
Oh no, not this crack again. First weeping statues now stumpy Mary.
Posted by: me | July 9, 2009 3:17 PM
do a google image search for "virgin mary chicago" back in 05 or so she appeared as a stain on the wall of an overpass. i thought it looked like a lady's (ahem) anatomy.
Posted by: The Countess | July 9, 2009 3:19 PM
That's nothing. Wait until some yahoo finds Michael Jackson's image in a tree and declare it a holy relic.
Oh, wait. That already happened...
http://www.examiner.com/x-5585-Offbeat-News-Examiner~y2009m7d7-Michael-Jackson-image-appears-in-tree-stump
Posted by: littlejohn | July 9, 2009 3:19 PM
With that figure, no wonder she was a virgin. Seriously, though, wouldn't childbirth have eliminated her hymen? Ah ain't no fancy biologist like you, but really?
Posted by: sammywol
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July 9, 2009 3:23 PM
Welcome to Ireland in the 1980s! It must be something to do with the Recession. Last time we had one there were 'moving statues' of the Virgin Mary all over the place, starting in the unfortunately named Ballinspittle (as thanks to that blasted Marian Year back in the days of yore, every teeny village in Ireland seems to have its grotto to the Virgin, there were plenty of statues to feed the frenzy). Villagers whose statue was not moving held vigils by their grottos praying for a sign to boost tourism. Eventually some iconoclasts of the old school went after the Ballinspittle statue with a sledgehammer and even though they mended her she seems to have taken a fit of the sulks and stopped jitterbugging - improvements to her foundations made at the time would obviously not have anything to do with it. ( http://www.explore.ie/ireland/article.php?ID=168 )
Posted by: Alan E. | July 9, 2009 3:43 PM
Someone should burn it to show that it is just wood. If the wood doesn't burn, then maybe the religious will have more cause to worship inanimate objects as messages from a god.
Posted by: PZ Myers
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July 9, 2009 3:55 PM
Just a thought...she probably also floats. Doesn't that mean she must be...A WITCH! A WITCH! BURN HER!
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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July 9, 2009 3:58 PM
and PZ at #71 wins his own thread
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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July 9, 2009 4:01 PM
Point, set, match. Well done. *polite applause*Posted by: Victor | July 9, 2009 4:01 PM
So ... who's going to be first to have sex with the stump?
Posted by: PZ Myers
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July 9, 2009 4:09 PM
The only person allowed to have sex with the Virgin Mary is God.
Who is also her son.
Ewww, ick, it just sunk in what else is creepy about Christianity.
Posted by: MikeS29 | July 9, 2009 4:17 PM
and here I was hoping for another grilled cheese Mary...
Posted by: The Petey | July 9, 2009 4:19 PM
It's a tree and a (most likely) formed piece of plastic...
There was no one to offend in what I said unless trees and plastic can feel emotional pain.
And I wasn't going ANY further with it.
I may be crass but I do have a vague idea where the line I cross is.
Posted by: JustaTech | July 9, 2009 4:33 PM
Oh, thanks a lot Janine (#28). Now I won't be able to sleep for another month. Man that was seriously creepy. And if it were also statues of Mary as well as all those angels. Oooh. *shiver*
Posted by: tsg | July 9, 2009 4:38 PM
You know, if the Virgin *cough* Mary actually did show up, in the flesh, no one would notice because they're all looking for her in water stains, cheese sandwiches and tree stumps.
Posted by: cd | July 9, 2009 5:00 PM
Well, the most holy depiction of deity of the pagan Saxons was the Irminsul- a wooden statue/pillar. It was burned by Charlemagne's troops, iirc.
It was replaced with statues of a fellow crucified in the Middle East, made also of wood or metal.
Posted by: Qwerty | July 9, 2009 5:39 PM
At least it didn't look like Jesus. They might have seen him as having a big.... woody.
Posted by: Nigel | July 9, 2009 5:44 PM
You're all being terribly rood.
Posted by: Mile Tougeaux | July 9, 2009 5:56 PM
All those years of Mexican food are catching up with her.
Posted by: Mile Tougeaux | July 9, 2009 5:58 PM
All those years of Mexican food are catching up with her.
Posted by: Marc Abian | July 9, 2009 6:24 PM
I don't care that you doubleposted Mile, that was inspired
Posted by: qit | July 9, 2009 6:58 PM
A spokesman for the Limerick diocesan office said the "church's response to phenomena of this type is one of great scepticism".
What's the difference between great skepticism and the regular every day kind?
Posted by: another | July 9, 2009 7:36 PM
Yes, this tree stump's the Mother of God.
Though at first she may look a bit odd,
Have a Guinness or three.
Before long you will see
She indeed has a heavenly bod.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself
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July 9, 2009 7:40 PM
Back when I was a Catlick, my mental image of Mary was of a somewhat slimmer woman.
Posted by: Timothy (TRiG) | July 9, 2009 7:46 PM
Pffft!
TRiG.
(Sorry guys, Irish joke.)
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | July 9, 2009 9:02 PM
TRiG, #89
Who needs knives when you have a cutting wit?
Posted by: Fintan | July 9, 2009 9:21 PM
It should be mentioned that this madness is happening in Rathkeale, county Limerick,a popular abode of the Irish traveller people,otherwise known as Tinkers.Tinkers are not typical Irish people,they make up less than 1% of the general population and they consider themselves to be a different ethnicity and are generally treated as such by the broader Irish population.
Here are some of the cultural differences between Travellers and the rest of Irish society. Travellers marry their cousins,prefer to live nomadically and are casual traders with a high incidence of criminality and con tricks.They have a much lower life expectancy due to inbreeding and poor lifestyle choices.They are overtly religious and extremely conservative, very poorly educated and have for centuries beeen discriminated against.There is an Irish traveller colony in the U.S.called Murphy town, I think it's in Carolina, home of Madeline Toogood, the woman caught on video a few years ago giving her kid a beating.Travellers are a kind of under class or outcasts, similar to gypseys, that go back perhaps thousands of years in Irish society.
So this is not a reflection of Irish society,rather the antiquated peculiarities of traveller culture.
Posted by: Brian C | July 9, 2009 11:10 PM
I would give my opinion on this, only it might offend a religious person who reads it and I could be fined 25k under the new blasphemy bill. It's great to be Irish.
Posted by: efrique | July 10, 2009 1:37 AM
Erm - doesn't that risk running afoul of Ireland's new blasphemy laws? Or does blasphemy only apply to Abrahamic religions?
Posted by: John | July 10, 2009 2:33 AM
It's a throwback to pre-celtic tiger Ireland. There are all night vigils in front of the tree stump ( http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2009/0710/1224250387596.html ).
Posted by: Karellen | July 10, 2009 2:56 AM
"While we do not wish in any way to detract from devotion to Our Lady, we would also wish to avoid anything which might lead to superstition,"
*spoing!!!*
Posted by: Pharmer | July 10, 2009 3:50 AM
One word: Spoing!
Posted by: Marc Abian | July 10, 2009 6:44 AM
I cannot wait for the first test case of the blasphemy law, if it happens at all. I just cannot wait.
Posted by: Owain Glyn Dwr | July 10, 2009 1:36 PM
Take this, Irish blasphemy laws:
God's Mom gives believers a woody,
By appearing in burqa or hoodie;
To honor her sprog,
She inhabits a log,
And morons clap and shout, "goody"!
Posted by: Elf Eye | July 11, 2009 7:55 AM
Nigel @ 82
I'm rood in your dreams, making you cross.
Posted by: The Petey | July 13, 2009 9:19 AM
While walking one day in the woods
Debating my shouln't's and should's
I came 'cross a virginal stump
And gave it a biblical hump
And got splinters the length of my goods