The Story of Suzie : Pharyngula

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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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Perhaps there was an organization in Phineas' day known as the N.A.A.C.P. (National Association for the Advancement of Canaanite People) who took exception with this teaching of segregation. Perhaps there were pulpits proclaiming a more tolerant and socially accepted view and government agency crusading for 'affirmative action.' We really do not know; but we do know from the Bible story in Numbers chapter 25 that the Israel people began to disobey God's law, accept integration, cultural exchange and a type of interracial marriage, and thus were struck collectively by a plague. Phineas was the man who courageously fought against the racial treason even to the point of bloodshed, and he too was honored by God.

[Pastor Pete Peters, THE BIBLE: Handbook For Survivalists, Racists, Tax Protestors, Militants And Right-Wing Extremists, ND, Scriptures For America, La Porte, Colorado, pp. 4-5]

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The Story of Suzie

Category: Godlessness • Humor
Posted on: July 12, 2009 9:05 PM, by PZ Myers

It's rather familiar, I'm afraid. But funny.

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Comments

Posted by: tsig | July 12, 2009 9:13 PM

Jesus slept.

Posted by: Walter Silveira | July 12, 2009 9:13 PM

hehehe, sad yet true.

Posted by: 'Tis Himself | July 12, 2009 9:19 PM

A little heavy-handed, but watchable.

Posted by: SciencePundit | July 12, 2009 9:23 PM

It's amazing how she never wavers in her faith.

Posted by: JD | July 12, 2009 9:36 PM

She was not a Mormon. Problem solved.

Posted by: Canuck | July 12, 2009 9:37 PM

They have an ever-ready out. "We can't understand god's plan for us." With that you can rationalize any bullshit you want. If they believe that, there's not much of a counter argument you can make. They have already abandoned rational thought. I spent years debating with fundies. I gave it up. If they don't come to it on their own, you aren't likely to lead them to it.

Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM | July 12, 2009 9:41 PM

She couldn't get her boyfriend to commit. *offstage whisper* Comet? (Channeling the voice of the great Gilda Radner) "nevermind".

Posted by: Canuck | July 12, 2009 9:47 PM

Okay, I already commented, but I forgot to say that the video was funny. It may be unkind to laugh at them, but the degree of self-delusion exercised is so outrageous that I can't help myself.

Posted by: Canuck | July 12, 2009 9:47 PM

Okay, I already commented, but I forgot to say that the video was funny. It may be unkind to laugh at them, but the degree of self-delusion exercised is so outrageous that I can't help myself.

#10

Posted by: Canuck | July 12, 2009 9:47 PM

Okay, I already commented, but I forgot to say that the video was funny. It may be unkind to laugh at them, but the degree of self-delusion exercised is so outrageous that I can't help myself.

#11

Posted by: foxfire | July 12, 2009 9:48 PM

Double funny:

-"affording light mirth and laughter typically by means of absurdity or oddness without much subtlety".

-"differing from the ordinary in a suspicious, perplexing, quaint, or eccentric way".

#12

Posted by: Canuck | July 12, 2009 9:56 PM

This f*&^%$ng timeout bullshit on the comments post is a righteous pain in the ass. All I did was do a "back link" on the browser. No second posting. WtF is up with that. Science blogs needs a more powerful comment server so it doesn't time out every time you use it. The odd time wouldn't be so bad, but it has timed out every time in the last three or four months. Pretty sad performance.

#13

Posted by: Goldenmane | July 12, 2009 9:58 PM

Mildly funny.

Needs squid.

#14

Posted by: Funnyguts | July 12, 2009 10:06 PM

The best part about Canuck's triple post is the way each of them start.

#15

Posted by: Holbach | July 12, 2009 10:07 PM

Poor Suzie, she'll be lying in her grave beseeching her god to come and get her out, and yet will not have a second opinion in any mannner to decide otherwise. She will die and not know it. Neither will whatever she is praying to.

#16

Posted by: Dan | July 12, 2009 10:08 PM

check out the atheist melon:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpS5KRLGSmg&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.i-am-bored.com%2Fbored_link.cfm%3Flink_id%3D42024&feature=player_embedded

#17

Posted by: A Recovering Catholic | July 12, 2009 10:09 PM

Invisible God, reminds me of something Homer once prayed;

'You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

lol love it!

#18

Posted by: MadScientist | July 12, 2009 10:12 PM

Why can't we have shows like that on TV rather than the usual crap?

#19

Posted by: Holbach | July 12, 2009 10:15 PM

MadScientist @ 18

Of course, on the Comedy Channel.

#20

Posted by: Dianne | July 12, 2009 10:23 PM

Do you think that if Suzie prayed for a fifth finger the deity of her world aka the cartoonist would give it to her?

#21

Posted by: Noadi | July 12, 2009 10:56 PM

Very funny. The children's show sing song voiceover is especially nice.

People better than me at snark are needed in this thread http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/07/what_not_to_do_in_the_neighbor.php

#22

Posted by: Krystalline Apostate | July 12, 2009 11:05 PM

I rather like the part where everyone in the family is smiling about 'gawd's plan', except the cat, who's thinking, "PLAN?!?!?!"

#23

Posted by: incontinentia buttocks | July 12, 2009 11:10 PM

B.. but.. but... medical research is god's way of achieving miracle cures. And agricultural research is Her way of feeding the hungry. Ethnic cleansing and genocide, that's just satan's doing can't blame god for that. But the victims are prolly in heaven anyway. Unless they didn't believe in JaySSuSS.

Excuse me, gotta go sanitize my brain now.

#24

Posted by: Schpwuette | July 12, 2009 11:16 PM

I didn't like that.

Although I couldn't help but giggle when Jesus was seen sleeping.

#25

Posted by: Crudely Wrott | July 12, 2009 11:19 PM

tsig @#1, you have tied the record for the shortest bible verse and rhymed it. If I were a better biblical scholar I might show that you have revealed an new and deeper truth that would be an inspiration to the thronging masses. But I'm not so I won't and that's their misfortune.

Nice, though. Terse.

#26

Posted by: kodyfrog | July 12, 2009 11:26 PM

they forgot the malpractice lawsuit that will undoubtedly been brought against the doctor who failed to save granny from gods hands.

#27

Posted by: Your Mighty Overload | July 12, 2009 11:37 PM

And how much more could little Suzie have done if, instead of wasting her time praying, she had read factual books before bed instead, and went off to get training to do something useful with her life?

#28

Posted by: SciencePundit | July 12, 2009 11:38 PM

The best part about Canuck's triple post is the way each of them start.

Agreed Funnyguts!

#29

Posted by: SciencePundit | July 12, 2009 11:41 PM

The best part about Canuck's triple post is the way each of them start.

Agreed Funnyguts!

#30

Posted by: Lynna | July 12, 2009 11:48 PM

Love the sleeping Jesus near the end. Snoring. I always assumed he was just drunk -- it seemed likely. But no, he was sleeping. Okay then.

#31

Posted by: RamziD | July 13, 2009 12:15 AM

Lynna #30

The guy has wine running through his veins...literally. He's wasted all the time.

#32

Posted by: Anonym | July 13, 2009 12:31 AM

#1 improves on John 11:35

#33

Posted by: Lynna | July 13, 2009 12:48 AM

RamziD @31. ROTFL. Of course!

#34

Posted by: DLC | July 13, 2009 2:01 AM

I'm sorry, but you New Atheists are just too Mean and Nasty and Rude and Everything !
I'd go write a book about how mean and surly and unaccommodating you are, but it's been done.
Well, I'm off to rewrite the definition of a planet to accommodate the pluto fans. Perhaps next I'll redo Einstienian physics to make more gaps for gods to fit in, as they seem to only thrive in gaps.

#35

Posted by: tsig | July 13, 2009 2:12 AM

"rudely Wrott | July 12, 2009 11:19 PM

Nice, though. Terse."

If you take the original Hebrew and stuff it through a blender you will find that the verse means exactly what it should mean if the usual definitions are met.

#36

Posted by: Chris | July 13, 2009 3:14 AM

Suzie Palin?

#37

Posted by: Logicel | July 13, 2009 4:57 AM

It is despicable how religious beliefs hijacks positive human emotions like empathy and hope, chaining them to fantasy, hubris, and inertia.

#38

Posted by: ms | July 13, 2009 5:00 AM

Lame, unfunny.

#39

Posted by: Nick | July 13, 2009 5:20 AM

The music and diction are a nice touch. Intuition-pump-y at certain points, which is good.

#40

Posted by: LOLZ | July 13, 2009 5:26 AM

Almost as funny as the "Beware the Believers" rap on Youtube.
Now that's sarcasm in the right direction ;)

#41

Posted by: MadScientist | July 13, 2009 5:59 AM

Since people brought up lightning strikes on church steeples, here's an example of what godless people do about lighting threats:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8146743.stm

One photo on the site shows lightning striking the lightning rod which protects the launch pad (and the shuttle and rockets which may be on the pad).

I used to work in a place where a radio tower took a lot of hits; once I counted over 20 strikes in under 2 minutes. The bang and rumble gets to be extremely annoying after the third strike.

#42

Posted by: Mike | July 13, 2009 8:03 AM

Ok, funny, but it's a bit daft to think that religious people only pray and do nothing else.

#43

Posted by: BobbyEarle | July 13, 2009 8:04 AM

For those lurking who might not be familiar with the term "pwned", go to 1:10 in the vid.

Suzie's mother got pwned.

Brought to by BobbyEarle's School of Interweb Jargon and BBQ House®.

#44

Posted by: BobbyEarle | July 13, 2009 8:13 AM

MadScientist @41...

The bang and rumble gets to be extremely annoying after the third strike.

I. Will. Not. Make. A. Baseball. Quip.

#45

Posted by: Alyson Miers | July 13, 2009 8:54 AM

There's something especially amusing about Suzie bending over in the doctor's office. I dunno, I guess I'm just juvenile.

#46

Posted by: Rorschach | July 13, 2009 9:01 AM

Alyson Miers,

I seem to remember you said some time ago you never had the pleasure of disputing truth machine,you might just get lucky here ! ;)

#47

Posted by: Marc | July 13, 2009 9:03 AM

It's obvious that Suzie wasn't a real Christian.

#48

Posted by: Jello | July 13, 2009 9:09 AM

You'll appreciate this PZ.

http://www.smbc-comics.com/#comic

#49

Posted by: Celtic_Evolution | July 13, 2009 9:17 AM

I need to get me one of those "I survived 'earth' " t-shirts...gave me a chuckle.

#50

Posted by: tsg | July 13, 2009 10:01 AM

Ok, funny, but it's a bit daft to think that religious people only pray and do nothing else.

That was the entire point. When they're sick, they pray and go to the doctor, and take prescription drugs, etc., and Jebus gets the credit when they get better.

#51

Posted by: Dan Klarmann | July 13, 2009 11:07 AM

I prefer the earlier Suzi Neunmalklug (Noin-mahl-kloog):
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/03/susi_neunmalklug.php

#52

Posted by: Dan Klarmann | July 13, 2009 11:10 AM

I prefer the earlier Suzi Neunmalklug (Noin-mahl-kloog):
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/03/susi_neunmalklug.php

#53

Posted by: Dan Klarmann | July 13, 2009 11:12 AM

I prefer the earlier Suzi Neunmalklug (Noin-mahl-kloog):
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/03/susi_neunmalklug.php

#54

Posted by: eddie | July 13, 2009 2:31 PM

Loved the cartoon but if he's the Thinking Atheist, what are we?

#55

Posted by: Mari | July 13, 2009 3:06 PM

The pastor's cat was the best part in my opinion

#56

Posted by: Anonymous | July 13, 2009 5:32 PM

I'm sorry, but you New Atheists are just too Mean and Nasty and Rude and Everything !

And, according to Robin Wright, we're right wingers: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-wright/why-the-new-atheists-are_b_230448.html

PZ, I hope you'll give that drivel the treatment it deserves.

#57

Posted by: eyespy | July 15, 2009 7:34 AM

As someone who deals primarily in risk management, this got me thinking about something else insidious and evil about prayer and ritual--the massive inefficiency and waste of time.

Yanking rough numbers out of the nether regions, let's say for the sake of argument there are 6.8 billion people on the planet. Of those, 6 billion are observant practitioners of any given religion. The average observant practitioner of any given religion performs one hour of prayer and/or ritual per day.

Which means that one trillion 290 billion possible work-hours are being lost annually to the glory of that which does not exist.

Hours that could have been far better utilized by building hospitals, schools, modern sanitation, etc. etc. etc.

I just recently saw an estimate that the Great Pyramid of Giza took 4 billion work-hours to complete over 20 years.

We waste roughly 50% more than that every single day.

It's not just bad philosophy, it's been killing our forward progress since someone saw a god in the sun.

#58

Posted by: eyespy | July 15, 2009 7:36 AM

As someone who deals primarily in risk management, this got me thinking about something else insidious and evil about prayer and ritual--the massive inefficiency and waste of time.

Which means that one trillion 290 billion possible work-hours are being lost annually to the glory of that which does not exist.

Hours that could have been far better utilized by building hospitals, schools, modern sanitation, etc. etc. etc.

I just recently saw an estimate that the Great Pyramid of Giza took 4 billion work-hours to complete over 20 years.

We waste roughly 50% more than that every single day.

It's not just bad philosophy, it's been killing our forward progress since someone saw a god in the sun.

#59

Posted by: Benjamin Joseph Clark | July 16, 2009 5:12 PM

This is not funny; it is dreadfully sad.

#60

Posted by: LuchinG | July 20, 2009 9:12 AM

¿What do you expect from a girl with only 8 fingers and uses the decimal system?