Pharyngula

Posted by: Sameer | August 25, 2009 8:50 AM

Aaargh! never mind... commented too soon. I swear I saw the post without that last sentence in it. Then after I commented there it was! as if it is magic!

Posted by: Michael Dickens | August 25, 2009 8:53 AM

That was ownage. It's about time we got Cthulhu in the hizzouse to take care of that bratty little paper clip.

No contest indeed.

Posted by: Gregory Greenwood | August 25, 2009 9:05 AM

Death by Cthulhu, a fitting end for the single most annoying program to ever plague my computer!

Posted by: Alverant | August 25, 2009 9:12 AM

I got a virus alert when I tried to view the page. Careful everyone!

Posted by: qbsmd | August 25, 2009 9:20 AM

Alex Besogonov Hey! I'm in Ukraine, and my computer DOES NOT run Clippy. I take offense!

I notice you didn't object to the cabbage and Mellencamp comments...

Posted by: catta | August 25, 2009 9:30 AM

So I like Microsoft. I prefer it to Apple. I owned and own Windows and Mac computers. Never got into Unix but may someday. They all have their advantages.
I understand that some people don't like Microsoft. Fine, it's a taste thing.

But what is it with the paperclip? Yeah, it was a mostly useless and an embarrassing leftover from Microsoft Sam. Every time someone puts together a lengthy screed / makes a funny on the internets / starts ranting about it, I wonder why, if their intelligence is sooo insulted by a slightly-too-eager help program, they didn't just disable it? It's so very simple. It doesn't even require third party software, unlike certain "helpful" Apple "features".

Also, I'm amused by the witty "M$" abbreviation, even the billionth time I see it. Because, you see, they're all commercialised and stuff and out for money, unlike any other company. Apple only wants sunshine, lollipops and world peace and would never dream of such filthy things as making money. (And, well, if a Unix user uses the abbreviation... well done for sticking it to the man. I still don't see the reason for the constant bashing).

Posted by: Zeno | August 25, 2009 9:39 AM

I was always curious why no one created a wire-cutter app for Windows so that users could entertain themselves during idle periods by "improving" Clippy. Sure would have beaten solitaire!

Posted by: gdlchmst | August 25, 2009 9:47 AM

Microsoft software. Yuck. Written by idiots for idiots.

Really? Writting software for idiots is actually really difficult. And what makes you so much smarter than the programmers who slaved over these software to make them accessible to idiots?

Posted by: catta | August 25, 2009 9:58 AM

Ray: What I take away from this is that sticking dogmatically to complete nonsense is excusable, but saying "it's a matter of taste, mine happens to be different from yours, and I'm getting ticked of by the constant pointless bashing" is not - especially when my preference does not affect you in any way?

Okay.

Posted by: Ray Moscow | August 25, 2009 10:04 AM

Catta, I'm just giving you some not-very-serious grief. I'm actually running IE at the moment.

I'm still smarting at having to abandon Wordperfect and Lotus in the 90's because everyone else did (largely due to some illegal marketing practices by a certain large software company).

I do rather like Linux on the system I have at home, and you can't beat the price.

Posted by: Masks of Eris | August 25, 2009 10:10 AM

Ah, that was excellent. Except as far as it implied that Cthulhu is a greater evil than Clippy, which simply is an immense underestimation of nefarious, red-haze-summoning, brain-haemorrhage-inducing, all-world-enveloping dastardly time-wasting evil of the Scourge of the Word.

To quote the philosopher Carlin, "I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic f---ng hatreds. Makes world much easier to sort out."

Posted by: Brian | August 25, 2009 10:15 AM

Hasn't "Clippy" been gone for almost 10 years now?

Also, there is a reason that Microsoft owns over 90% of the desktop market and has almost a complete lock in the enterprise and that is because, depite the issues, they offer the best products going.

Posted by: NixNoctua | August 25, 2009 10:19 AM

I remember when I was little that my mom had changed clippy to a cat. It was so adorable with the way it scratched at the screen and meowed. Maybe if that had been the default... then again, I didn't use the program enough to be annoyed by it.

Posted by: Marc Abian | August 25, 2009 10:28 AM

Robert Brockway: Word Puncher is the best columnist Cracked has, with the possible exception of Seanbaby.

Nonsense old bean, Daniel O'Brien is far superior to both.

His story Bartender is quite the bartender.

http://obrienfiction.blogspot.com/2007/04/prologue.html

Posted by: Carlie | August 25, 2009 10:33 AM

Also, there is a reason that Microsoft owns over 90% of the desktop market and has almost a complete lock in the enterprise and that is because, depite the issues, they offer the best products going.

*cough*Beta*cough

Posted by: Lilith | August 25, 2009 11:09 AM

That was the funniest thing I've read in days.

If it wasn't for Micro$oft products being less than perfect, plus the abomination that is Lotus Notes, I wouldn't be sitting here at 1am getting paid to surf the net while I wait for some luser to phone with an IT problem. In fact, I'd probably be unemployed, which would be very bad in the current economic climate, so I'm not complaining.

Posted by: catta | August 25, 2009 11:15 AM

That's okay then, Ray. :)

And you're right, too, especially about the dodgy practices on Microsoft's part. Apologies for my lack of humour detection. It's just that I've had to deal with too many people who would say the same thing with total seriousness.

Well, at least nobody has turned up to mention the Svalbard seed vault and the fact that the Bill & Melinda Gates foundation sponsored it. Because it's a sinister plot to keep Gates rich after the end of the world in 2012.

Yes, people have used that as an argument for why my preferred OS is inherently evil. It made me a bit sensitive I guess.

Posted by: NoFear | August 25, 2009 12:11 PM

Off topic, but I figure this is a silly enough post that it doesn't matter. Just a shout out to Oregon Skeptics. There's a gentleman trying to get a new skeptcis message board/web site off the ground called Oregon Skeptics, of all things. I just moved to Oregon myself and am anxious to meet like minded folks after having spent 14 years in an almost atheist free zone.

here's the URL: http://oregonskeptics.com/forum/index.php

Posted by: TiG | August 25, 2009 12:33 PM

I too, enjoy the relatively problem-free Apple software, even though it is now Intel processors same as PC.

There are weird kinks though - things I can't adjust or change or shut off like I used to do with Windows. Like Skype for Mac - There is one default setting to boot it every time I turn on the machine. I can't switch it off, and I've been trying for a while now.

I'm SOOOOOOOO happy Warcraft runs on Mac and Linux now. There was the monopoly of games that were PC only and it really chapped my ass to have to invest in a fancy Dell JUST to play my MMORPGs. The upside of that is I learned to like a lot of Dell features, even though my main machine is and always will be Mac.

Posted by: arrakis | August 25, 2009 1:01 PM

ROTFL!

I don't miss Clippy one bit.

Posted by: palochka | August 25, 2009 1:44 PM

Okay, follow up to that advice: remove loginwindow.plist (not com.apple.loginwindow.plist), otherwise com.apple.loginitems.plist will just rewrite itself.

Posted by: tsg | August 25, 2009 2:50 PM

But what is it with the paperclip? Yeah, it was a mostly useless and an embarrassing leftover from Microsoft Sam. Every time someone puts together a lengthy screed / makes a funny on the internets / starts ranting about it, I wonder why, if their intelligence is sooo insulted by a slightly-too-eager help program, they didn't just disable it? It's so very simple. It doesn't even require third party software, unlike certain "helpful" Apple "features".

Clippy was an abject failure and highlights some of the problems with Microsoft Software in one very humorous symbol. It's bloat, turned on by default, and, despite your claims to the contrary (at least in the first versions), not at all easy to disable. Microsoft has a huge tendency towards feature creep and continually confuses easy to learn with easy to use (I am convinced that if the keyboard hadn't already been part of computers before Windows came along, users would be forced to compose a Word Document by selecting characters from a drop-down box).

Microsoft Word is a monolithic behemoth, trying to be everything to everyone, with a proprietary file format that changes with every release forcing everyone who uses it to purchase upgrades they don't need to maintain compatibility with others due to the de facto standard, most of which could be satisfied by a very simple word processor. And, before you say it, no, the standard is not evidence that it's the best software out there. Clippy is the mascot of this monstrosity.

And your assertion that the complaints about Microsoft's business practices are simply anti-commercial not only fails to address those complaints, but dismisses them out of hand.

Posted by: Roger | August 25, 2009 2:59 PM

Since 1999, I've had about seven computers; after the last Piece o' Crap, I decided to damn the torpedoes and get a Mac. I couldn't be happier with my decision. And yes, my Mac does give me sunshine, rainbows and lollipops. You just have to ask it very nicely.

Posted by: Leon | August 25, 2009 3:35 PM

Of course, for those of us in Unix/Linux, there's always Vigor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vigor).

Posted by: eddie | August 25, 2009 4:05 PM

All our standard builds at work, with various versions of office depending on department, have the animated paperclip nixed from the install script. I did use it at first and it was annoying, I also hated the cat, dog and others but most of all I found the cod Einstein character offensive.

Now, if cthulhu was on my comp...

"You appear to be writing your suicide note..."
No. I'm not. I just want to write a leter.
"You are writing your suicide note."

Posted by: njkayaker | August 25, 2009 5:27 PM

#12: "I wonder why, if their intelligence is sooo insulted by a slightly-too-eager help program, they didn't just disable it? It's so very simple."

As it turns out, some functionality (in Excel's help system) was lost when it was so-called disabled. Plus, it never really went away. I don't think people would have been as annoyed if disabling really disabled it.

Posted by: not a gator | August 25, 2009 8:08 PM

"Why not turn Clippy off?"

Why, indeed. My hatred for Clippy was honed during my college days. Since I did not have my own computer (OMG! the poors! cover your ears!!!!1111!!!) I had to use the lab computers. Since it was back in the primitive days before eMac clusters, which keep your user settings no matter which physical machine you log into, every time I logged into a machine it would restore default settings, which means CLIPPY ON.

DIE!!!DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!!~~!!11!!!!

Yeah, I know how to disable Clippy. I started carrying a large magnet around for just that purpose. Oooo, Clippy, howdye like THEM apples?

Posted by: Walton | August 26, 2009 8:44 AM

I will never, for the life of me, understand why so many people dislike Microsoft products. Personally I use Windows XP and Office 2003, and find them intuitive and easy to use.

Posted by: Sili | August 26, 2009 12:54 PM

Panadaptationists are everywhere.

If I'm not mistaken, all you need to do to get rid of Clippy is swear at him.