Everyone: start partying. You don’t have much time left. THE WORLD ENDS TOMORROW.
You might be tempted to go read the evidence on that page, but trust me, there is no time to waste — you really need to get frolicking now, because so little time is left. Besides, if you look at the colors and funny fonts and ugly layout of that page, your eyes will start bleeding and you might experience cerebral hemorrhaging…and do you really want to spend the last day of your life in the emergency room?
OK, you’re all skeptics. You need data. Here it is: proof positive that the Rapture will occur on 21 September 2009.
I tell you, how can you deny that? Math doesn’t lie!
Go! You don’t have much time left.
Oh, no. I just realized — the liquor store in Morris is closed on Sunday! And there’s no porn for sale anywhere in town! And I don’t smoke, and don’t have a clue where to get drugs!
By the way, we really need to check that web page again on 22 September. Remind me.