…and this is a 
The Catholic church has instructions for you before you get down to business with your sweetie: you're supposed to say a little prayer. This one.
Father, send your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes.
Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will. Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, forever and ever. Mary, our mother, intercede for us. Amen.
Ooooh. Gets me hot*. Maybe Kristin Maguire can write a story with this little fillip in it.
Hey, wait a minute…what are a bunch of old pseudo-celibates doing recommending prayers before sex? Do they teach this one to the altar boys?
*Actually, it doesn't. I lied. I think it would be kind of a buzzkill.
Comments
Posted by: Ian | September 2, 2009 6:05 PM
Yea the creepy part of this (and Catholic and more religious Christian weddings) is how its made clear that if you're having sex faithfully, you're having a threesome with God.
Posted by: Happy | September 2, 2009 6:06 PM
So a bunch of virgins are gonna tell me what to say before I get jiggy with it? Awesome.
Posted by: Stephanurus | September 2, 2009 6:09 PM
Religions, and especially the Catholic Church, are obsessed over sex. They claim to know a lot about it, yet are "celibates" (yeah, sure). They would probably like these Catholic couples to provide video as proof that prayers were said.
Stephanurus
Posted by: Chris A | September 2, 2009 6:10 PM
It has been said before, but once again, a virgin man in a dress (not that there is anything wrong with that) has nothing to tell me about sex.
Posted by: Elliott | September 2, 2009 6:10 PM
Do they have a prayer for Priests to say before abuse alter-boys too I wonder
Posted by: Chris A | September 2, 2009 6:11 PM
BTW, "virgin" in this case may or may not be a euphemism, as noted by our other friends here.
Posted by: Medievalist Jon | September 2, 2009 6:12 PM
I once asked Mary to intercede with us, but my wife didn't go for it.
Posted by: formosus
|
September 2, 2009 6:13 PM
The RCC creating a special "before sex" prayer doesn't surprise me at all. But the news source, the Daily Mail is the UK equivalent of Faux News. This whole story could be pure fabrication.
And my parents are still Catholic. Shudder.
Posted by: strangebrew | September 2, 2009 6:16 PM
They really are sickos ...probably they are getting off on thinking that their words are being uttered by sweaty panting couples in bedrooms car back seats and back rows of cinemas all over world...they are using good catolick remote voyeurism....perverts!
Posted by: Screechy Monkey | September 2, 2009 6:17 PM
Wait, I thought the instructions were:
First you get down on your knees,
fiddle with your rosaries...
Posted by: Elliott | September 2, 2009 6:17 PM
Actually formosus the Mail is pretty bad, but the same store was carried by the UK "Daily Telegraph" that is still a bastion of real new in the UK.
Posted by: Festus Haggin | September 2, 2009 6:18 PM
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel like it after all that. I think I'd rather just say a couple of Glen Quagmire giggidy giggidies and get to it.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | September 2, 2009 6:19 PM
I'm going to bust that out with the wife tonight.
I see a few outcomes.
1. Hysterical laughter on her part then sex
2. hysterical laughter on her part then no sex
3. worried look and me sleeping on the couch, no sex
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | September 2, 2009 6:20 PM
Doesn't quite have the same effect as, "harder. HARDER!"
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | September 2, 2009 6:22 PM
Why do folks keep assuming the guys making this shit up are virgins? There are a lot of kiddie-fucker files that haven't been opened yet....
Posted by: DuckPhup | September 2, 2009 6:31 PM
"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!" ~ George Bernard Shaw
"Christian fundamentalism: the doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life." ~ Andrew Lias
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." ~ Butch Hancock
"It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry." ~ H.L. Mencken
"Do you not know that you are each an Eve? The sentence of God on this sex of yours lives in this age: the guilt must of necessity live too. You are the Devil's gateway: You are the unsealer of the forbidden tree: You are the first deserter of the divine law: You are she who persuaded him whom the devil was not valiant enough to attack. You destroyed so easily God's image, man. On account of your desert even the Son of God had to die." ~ St. Tertullian (about 155 to 225 CE) (No wonder they need a prayer. An intimate encounter with such a despicable creature MUST be a sin.)
Posted by: Helen | September 2, 2009 6:32 PM
Are they supposed to run through that quickly? I'd get bored waiting and go wash the dishes instead. Moments come, moments go.
Posted by: uppity cracka | September 2, 2009 6:32 PM
Well, I guess it's safe to say that whatever "true dignity clothes" are they don't cover your genitals.
Posted by: Lenoxus | September 2, 2009 6:33 PM
"Mary, our mother, intercede for us." Our mother? Ew ew ew!
Then again, I guess that's what Jehova must have thought before fathering Himself EW EW EW
Posted by: Qwerty | September 2, 2009 6:34 PM
MAJeff,OM @ 15 - You forgot the ever-popular "housekeeper" for the diocease church. Not all priests molest their altar boys.
Rev BDC - I suppose if it's "3. Worried look and me sleeping on the couch, no sex" is followed the next morning by a breakfast with burnt toast and no bacon.
Posted by: Hombre Moleculos | September 2, 2009 6:35 PM
You gotta be shittin' me.
Posted by: KemaTheAtheist | September 2, 2009 6:35 PM
Makes sense to me. Religous imagery is one of the best anti-aphrodesiacs (or so I remember reading somewhere). Makes sense to me though. Having to say a prayer and having a picture of Jesus on the wall looking at us would ruin all my attempts to keep it up for sure.
Maybe this is just a backdoor attempt at forcing abstinance-only.
Posted by: uppity cracka | September 2, 2009 6:36 PM
the assless chaps of our salvation.
Posted by: Chiroptera | September 2, 2009 6:36 PM
Hey, wait a minute…what are a bunch of old pseudo-celibates doing recommending prayers before sex? Do they teach this one to the altar boys?
Cue the concern trolls: Jokes about alter boy sex aren't funny!
Posted by: Qwerty | September 2, 2009 6:37 PM
Usually the prayer is an ejaculation which happens when there is an ejaculation.
Posted by: steve | September 2, 2009 6:37 PM
As one commenter to the original article put it:
Posted by: Kevin | September 2, 2009 6:37 PM
not defending stupidity but I would point out that the vows of chastity aren't retroactive. They could very well have had consenting sex (with a girl even!) prior to becoming a priest. As long as they went to confession all's good.
or been married and become a priest later after the death of the spouse (i forget if they allow that but i think it happens.)
and i pray before sex everytime. not that prayer, mines a bit shorter, and while still at the bar.
Posted by: Vito T | September 2, 2009 6:37 PM
Worst. Foreplay. Ever.
Posted by: Tim H | September 2, 2009 6:38 PM
This is the first time I have ever been thankful for the RCC. To give us material like this to work with is truly generous of them.
"Oh god, who art in...in...in ...yes...yes..yes...JESUS, yes!"
Or the more likely version for the Protestants--"Please god, let me be able to get it up tonight."
Got to pity Mary, though. She deserves to be invited to a threesome to make up for what she went through. Screwed by god, and he didn't even get her off. The Holy Willie must be really tiny.
Posted by: Zen Druid | September 2, 2009 6:38 PM
What? "Oh god oh god ohgod-ohgod-ohgod" isn't enough now?
Posted by: strange gods before me | September 2, 2009 6:41 PM
Also, IIRC, Anglican priests who are already married and then convert to Catholicism are allowed to stay married and sexually active.
Posted by: Doug Alder | September 2, 2009 6:41 PM
I think Mr. Lehrer had it right
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3f72CTDe4-0 :)
Posted by: Parse | September 2, 2009 6:41 PM
You think it would be a buzzkill? I'm guessing that's the main reason they put this out there. They're determined that even though they can't have sex and others can, at least they can try to make sure that nobody *enjoys* sex.
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM | September 2, 2009 6:41 PM
huh. my pre-sex communication generally amounts to "RAWRRRRR!!!!", I must be doing something
wrongright.Posted by: uppity cracka | September 2, 2009 6:41 PM
The prayer should be longer...and use it's hands more! Men-always rushing through the foreplay.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | September 2, 2009 6:41 PM
You assume my wife does the cooking. She doesn't. So assuming I actually took the time to make breakfast instead of get-up>shower>out-the-door, there would be bacon.
Oh yes, there would be bacon.
Posted by: Shane | September 2, 2009 6:45 PM
#1, actually, Ian, you're having a six-some with the Father, the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and HIS MOTHER, Mary. If that doesn't get you all hot and bothered, I don't know what will.
Posted by: Qwerty | September 2, 2009 6:45 PM
REV BDC @ 36 - So, if its 3 and you'er consigned to the couch, you probably won't get much sleep; so, you'll be too tired to get up early enough for the bacon. You'd better hope for 1 or 2.
Posted by: Darren Garrison | September 2, 2009 6:48 PM
Since most Catholic prayers have a Latin name, let me propose for this one:
clausus gallo
Posted by: Mark A. Siefert | September 2, 2009 6:50 PM
Sheesh, and they say putting on a condom is a "mood killer."
Posted by: Michelle R
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September 2, 2009 6:54 PM
@Shane #37: Some virgin she is.
Oh wait. You can suck all the dick you want and still be a virgin, Mary!
I wonder if the holy spirit is hawt.
Posted by: Teddydeedodu | September 2, 2009 7:03 PM
And remember that there is a Marian avatar for every need. Just like the following:
Our Lady of Perpetual Help
Our Lady of Good Voyage
Our Lady of Good Health
etc..
Now with this prayer, we can expect the Virgin Mary to intercede as:
Our Lady of Perpetual Ejaculation
Our Lady of Good Fellatio
Our Lady of Excellent Anal
The Dominatrix of Guadalupe
The Mother of MILFs and Double Penetrations
Posted by: Fil | September 2, 2009 7:04 PM
What a boring, stupid prayer. Can you just imagine the sad little wanker who came up with that crap?
How about some decent ones like, "Oh, Lord give me a boner, please."
or "Sweet Jesus, just for once, give him a boner!"
and one for the Clergy, "Dear god, please don't let me get caught!"
Posted by: Masks of Eris | September 2, 2009 7:05 PM
And for some reason I cannot read the thing without hearing it spoken in the voice of Hellsing's Father Alexander Anderson. "...AMEN!"
Something of a buzzkill.
Posted by: NixNoctua
|
September 2, 2009 7:07 PM
What is with catholics/christians wanting a prayer for everything anyways? Isn't this god person supposed to be omniscient?
I learned a new latin word!
Posted by: Greta Christina | September 2, 2009 7:09 PM
And it's Medievalist Jon at #7 for the win!
Seriously, though: My favorite part is "It is aimed at 'purifying their intentions' so that the act is not about selfishness or hedonism." Translated: So it isn't any fun at all.
I mean, how much harder do they have to make this? (Heh-heh, I said "hard.") You can only do it with your Catholically- wedded spouse. And none of that same-sex marriage crap -- opposite marriage only, please! You can only do it in certain ways, ways that can get you pregnant. You can only do it if you're not using birth control. And now they want you to memorize this cockamamie prayer to say beforehand?
I mean, are they trying to make themselves look like sex-hating, sex-obsessed buffoons? Or is that just happening all on its own?
Posted by: T. Wildleek | September 2, 2009 7:09 PM
I used to date this chick who chanted before intercourse, screamed like a banshee calling on the name of every god she knew, invented a few until she began speaking in tongues, but afterward was remorseful, felt guilty, insisted on holding hands and asking baby Jesus for forgiveness. I was never so drained in my life, but it was all very much like a fundamentalist tent revival. I never knew if should feel like I was born again or condemned to perdition. Fortunately, she didn't take up a collection.
Posted by: AlanWCan | September 2, 2009 7:09 PM
Nightmares. it's not bad enough you're having threesome with god, you gotta bring his mum into bed with you too? Why the fuck are these twisted old perverts so enamoured with other people's sex lives?Posted by: Eamon Knight | September 2, 2009 7:09 PM
"Mary, our mother, intercede for us." Our mother? Ew ew ew!
Yeah, the idea of your parents praying together always seems a little wierd and gross.... ;-).
(Mind you, in my case that's true: Mom and Dad were agnostics all their adult lives)
Posted by: Capital Dan
|
September 2, 2009 7:10 PM
I thought in the Catholic brain-goo, sex was only for procreation. I find it strange that this little prayer says no Hallelujahs in the hopes of getting someone knocked up.
Posted by: toth | September 2, 2009 7:13 PM
I never knew God was so into incest voyeurism.
Posted by: Greta Christina | September 2, 2009 7:13 PM
Oh, and P.S.: I am so writing a story about this.
Posted by: AJ Milne | September 2, 2009 7:16 PM
"...Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes..."
"Umm... welcomes what, exactly, lover?"
"Well, I was thinking since it is my birthday..."
"Forget it, hon. I just ate Mexican."
Posted by: JefFlyingV | September 2, 2009 7:17 PM
It is hard enough to keep the cat out of the bedroom, now we are expected to invite Mary and the triune? Hell of a crowd for the sake of performance.
Isn't it enough that I occasionally yell out OMG?
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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September 2, 2009 7:22 PM
MAJeff, OM #15
The point you should remember is these guys are de jure virgins. Whether or not they're de facto virgins is inconsequential.
Posted by: littlejohn | September 2, 2009 7:26 PM
If all else fails, you can call on Our Lady of the Evening.
Posted by: Ken | September 2, 2009 7:32 PM
Get's you hot??
Doers the opposite for me. it would destroy the mood (and the efficacy of the equipment).
Posted by: JHS
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September 2, 2009 7:46 PM
Catholic sex prayer mad libs!
Father, cover our _______ in the ________ of your _______ and _______.
Hot.
Posted by: Steve | September 2, 2009 7:52 PM
I prefer the magic words "Oh Yeah. Giggity Giggity!!"
Posted by: Brian | September 2, 2009 7:54 PM
Elliott@#5: Yes, in fact. It goes something like: "oh god oh god oh god please don't let me get caught".
Posted by: Ron Sullivan | September 2, 2009 7:54 PM
Has anybody else here ever read Farragan's Retreat? Because that thing up there is just SO fuckin' Irish.
Posted by: qit | September 2, 2009 7:55 PM
Worried look and me sleeping on the couch, no sex" is followed the next morning by a breakfast with burnt toast and no bacon.
Well at least you might get a picture in the toast.
Posted by: Cuttlefish, OM | September 2, 2009 7:55 PM
My wife and I are nervous wrecks—
The church is getting into sex!
They’ve come up with a book describing how we ought to do it.
But maybe it’s not all that bad;
I’m calmer now, but just a tad—
Before I just dismiss it, guess I’ll buy one and look through it.
Hmmm….
Step one: you get down on your knees…
Hey, I could live with rules like these!
And pray to God for tenderness, and purified intent—
A union that does not deceive,
A loving spouse, to whom to cleave…
I liked the bit on kneeling, till I found out what it meant.
The handbook’s authors claim to be
The “Catholic Truth Society”
A group of (oxy)morons who believe they’re doing good;
So, sex for them is holy duty,
Not some chance to knock some booty
Earnest prayer is foreplay; they’re a bit misunderstood.
Putting God back into screwing—
If that’s really what they’re doing
Then the way they go about it is, to me, a little odd;
A religious genuflection
Could diminish my erection—
And that’s quite the wrong direction, if she’s gonna say “Oh GOD!”
http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2009/09/step-one-get-on-your-knees.html
Posted by: bilbo | September 2, 2009 7:59 PM
"The Catholic church has instructions for you before you get down to business with your sweetie: you're supposed to say a little prayer."
...I'm guessing by "The Catholic church" you mean the "Catholic Truth Society," the independent, UK-based publisher of the book containing the prayer.
A little of an over-reach, but still creepy.
Posted by: Kobra | September 2, 2009 8:00 PM
Did somebody say buzzkill?
Posted by: Gyeong Hwa Pak | September 2, 2009 8:00 PM
The prospect of having sex with Our Lord and Savior gets me hot. All the pictures of him that missionaries sends to me leads me to conclude that he is a hot man. But then he'd have to bring his Father, and the Holy Ghost, his mother the Blessed Virgin Mary, and all venerated Saints and the Archangels. Now it's just an orgy in the bedroom. Might be too hot for me.
Posted by: Eve | September 2, 2009 8:02 PM
For more on Catholic views on sex (if you have the stomach for it), see the current Pope's most recent encyclical: http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20090629_caritas-in-veritate_en.html.
Find for "population," "sexuality," and "abortion" (again, if you have the stomach for, among a myriad other fallacies, fields full of strawmen and mists of disturbingly subtle misogyny).
Posted by: Pharyungulette | September 2, 2009 8:03 PM
And while my hubby is supposed to be busying himself with that little prayer, I'd've spent those 20 seconds drifting into REM sleep.
What a way to kill the moment. Oh wait. That's the point, right?
Posted by: waldteufel | September 2, 2009 8:07 PM
I wanna see the prayer that Bill Donohue prays before he fucks his donkey. Or his goat, or whatever. . . . . .
Posted by: ad | September 2, 2009 8:11 PM
I read the article you linked to, but can't see anywhere that the Catholic Church says what you claim, PZ.
Posted by: PoxyHowzes | September 2, 2009 8:14 PM
St. Paul pronuncimentiates: (1 Corinthians; quote-mine)
If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to... he should do as he wants. He is not sinning.
Do it guy! It’s not a sin
Because your gal, your sweet vir-gin —
As you pop her with your pin —
Screams “Christ!” while you are pushing in.
Posted by: Monado | September 2, 2009 8:21 PM
Littlejohn [#56] wins the thread!
You could also call on the Sisters of Mercy.
Cuttlefish, delightful as always!
As I understand it, there's a brochah [hard -ch-] (brief prayer of thanksgiving) for Jewish couples to say before sex. Which brings to mind one of the few real Jewish jokes that I know....
A Jewish couple ask their Conservative rabbi, "What's the brochah for fellatio?" He has never heard of one, so he sends them to a real expert, an Orthodox rabbi. But that rabbi asks them, "Whats fellatio?" Rather than explain, they go on to as a Reform rabbi, who asks,
"What's a brochah?" ^^^stinger^^^ (that whisked cymbal sound)
I guess you had to be there.
Posted by: Laurie | September 2, 2009 8:23 PM
Eve --
I am not even sure the misogyny is so subtle. It really does come down to, "You'll be pregnant constanty and you'll damn well like it!"
I have gotten into discussions before with devout Catholics regarding the Church's teachings on contraception and "life." One thing I have found striking is that they Catholics (and I think this is based on the Church's teaching) believe their religion's authority can define "happiness" for you. In other words, when they use the word "happiness," they are not referring to your subjective feelings. They are referring to what THEIR church has decided constitutes "happiness" or "a happy marriage." Obviously, "a happy marriage" is one in which you could wind up pregnant at any time. It's a subtle little semantic game.
Posted by: Karl | September 2, 2009 8:37 PM
bilbo @ #64: Exactly, and since the CTS includes laypeople, and the priestly fossil quoted was surprised by the inclusion of a mating prayer, it is very likely that the prayer was written by a *lay couple* (OK, probably the husband) who actually enjoy sex and think that writing a mating prayer is sexy.
Which actually is a more amusing hypothesis than "repressed priests trying to preempt their flock's sexual enjoyment," if you stop to think about it. Oh & it's no hoax: http://www.cts-online.org.uk/acatalog/info_D714.html
Posted by: Fil | September 2, 2009 8:44 PM
OT, but a Jewish joke from a Jewish friend. On a bus in Tel Aviv a young man hops on to a full bus.
"Oy Vey! What I got!" he moans.
A few Jewish mamas look up, concerned.
"Oy Vey! What I got!" he moans again.
More concern.
"Oy Vey! What I got!" he moans yet again.
One old dear can't take it any longer and gives up her seat for him. Then she asks, "Ok already, what you got?"
He replies, "Chutzpah!"
Posted by: Bevans | September 2, 2009 8:47 PM
Hmm...I'm surprised that there isn't anything in that along the lines of "let this, our Xth time having sex, result in our Xth child, and may you strike us dead if this act is not done for procreation's sake".
Posted by: Karl | September 2, 2009 8:47 PM
.. meant to add that the "variety of authors" also implies that the prayer was contributed by people who use it _in vivo_.
Posted by: Lynna | September 2, 2009 8:59 PM
Another great poem up-thread, Cuttlefish. Thanks!
The Mormon church one-up the Catholics when it comes to inserting themselves in your sex life.
And get creative with sex talk:
Posted by: HarmlessEccentric | September 2, 2009 9:01 PM
I'm thinking about conditioning. If you did earnestly and sincerely say a prayer like this every time you got sex... isn't it possible that could result in prayer turning you on? That might lead to some awkward moments in church.
Posted by: MelM | September 2, 2009 9:05 PM
I think the Catholic church hates sexual pleasure for its own sake. Thier ideal person is a ghost that's devoid of any interest in sex or material production.
Posted by: MelM | September 2, 2009 9:11 PM
Selfless sex? What a joke!
Posted by: Laurie | September 2, 2009 9:17 PM
My other favorite thing I have heard from devout Catholic friends is that if you use contraception -- even within the married state -- you are basically just engaging in "mutual masturbation." Again, this strikes me as nothing more than word-play with "mutual masturbation" simply being a term for sex they don't like. I guess it is meant to convince people because it sounds bad.
Posted by: Liveliest Crib | September 2, 2009 9:29 PM
Golly. So, requesting that the creator of the universe take the time to consecrate each of one's individual sex acts (even to get involved somehow) is recommended. Interesting. Assuming we do so pray, does screaming, "Oh god! Oh god!" during sex still violate the second commandment?
Posted by: John Morales | September 2, 2009 9:30 PM
HarmlessEccentric @79, LOL!.
Vito @28, Uppity@35, old joke:
Australian meaning of foreplay (males): <elbows sheila>"Oy! Are you awake?"
Posted by: foxfire | September 2, 2009 9:32 PM
I wonder if the people who dreamed up the before sex prayer (invoking MOM) also have a before Morning-Bowel-Movement instruction? I wonder who that invokes?
Ahhh, religion......*always* in your face.......
Posted by: Lynna | September 2, 2009 9:39 PM
I had a Catholic boyfriend once upon a time. He claimed that all that repression made sex much more exciting for him. Everything was forbidden, so he was living dangerously.
Posted by: FastLane | September 2, 2009 9:52 PM
Fellow Pharyngulites, let us pray.
In the words of the holy Monty Python:
"Let us praise God. Oh Lord, oooh you are so big. So absolutely huge. Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here I can tell you. Forgive us, O Lord, for this dreadful toadying and barefaced flattery. But you are so strong and, well, just so super. Fantastic. Amen."
Doesn't really need anything else.
Posted by: dutchdoc
|
September 2, 2009 9:53 PM
It will probably got the way of all the pre-dinner prayers... and become a 1 second prayer:
Fathersendyourholyspiritintoourheartsplacewithinuslovethattrulygivestendernessthattrulyunitesselfofferingthattellsthetruthanddoesnotdeceiveforgivenessthattrulyreceiveslovingphysicalunionthatwelcomesopenourheartstoyoutoeachotherandtothegoodnessofyourwillcoverourpovertyintherichnessofyourmercyandforgivenessclotheusintruedignityandtaketoyourselfoursharedaspirationsforyourgloryforeverandevermaryourmotherintercedeforus.
AMEN
Posted by: Steve | September 2, 2009 9:56 PM
Could be worse. At least they don't have to clean up with a "Father" approved cloth, like the Moonies...
Posted by: dutchdoc
|
September 2, 2009 9:57 PM
Wait a moment! What's this "Cover our poverty" business?
What are they saying here? *looks down*
Poverty?
WTF? Penis envy?
Speak for yourself!
What? OOH .. you DID!
Posted by: CatBallou
|
September 2, 2009 10:00 PM
Greta Christina, and others who wonder whether the RCC is trying to make themselves look like sex-hating buffoons, I strongly recommend the book "Eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven" by Uta Ranke-Heineman. It's a scholarly examination of the history of Catholic debate and teachings about women and sex. Really horrifying! Sex was reserved for married procreation, of course, but even married couples were specifically instructed to avoid pleasure during sex as much as possible. Actually, all earthly pleasures were dangerous, but sex was the worst.
We might hold up Puritans or Victorians as the epitome of "Western" prudishness about sex, but most of our culture's lingering obsessions with sex can be traced back to Catholic teachings.
Posted by: Eidolon of Middle Georgia | September 2, 2009 10:01 PM
Oh, yeah, this hits home!
The only thing that my wife and I worship is each other, and we're willing to tell any preacher that. I can see myself now on bended knee on my pillow, wife on edge of bed, worshipful candles burning on the stand, me with my hands prayerfully gathered near my mouth, giving offerings of love to the worshipped one.
We ‘say a prayer’ of hope that we can carry out the worship at age 53+, and we say a prayer of thanksgiving that it was just like it was when we were eighteen, after all these years (well, thanks to pharma enhancements).
We ‘pray’ that we won’t have arguments in our lives, and so far the only arguments we have had are about whom gets to go first in delivering oral sex on the other!
It’s marital bliss at its secular finest. Religion always seems to fuck-up the most basic pleasures of life.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
|
September 2, 2009 10:13 PM
There is a tradition in the Royal Navy that the appropriate prayer to be said when going into battle is the "Shorter Grace" from the Book of Common Prayer: "For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Posted by: Dust | September 2, 2009 10:31 PM
Even shorter grace; "Good food, good meat, Good Lord, let's eat!"
Posted by: Ms. Crazy Pants | September 2, 2009 10:36 PM
This must be something new, which is fairly odd for the Catholic church. New things defy tradition, and all that kinda stuff.
I had to take the "how to have sex like a catholic" class before I got married and I don't recall praying required beforehand. Unless that's the new birth control...guess that will work and it takes some of the pressure off the woman so she doesn't always have to claim a headache for birth control. Now it's no longer her fault, it's god's fault.
Posted by: RamblinDude
|
September 2, 2009 10:49 PM
Hey, don’t knock it. Take it from me, a roomful of lusty women, all chanting this prayer in chorus, is really stimulating. :D
Posted by: Marcus | September 2, 2009 10:52 PM
Huh, well I always sing the Tenacious D song 'Fuck her gently'. I have direct evidence of the existence of Jack Black so I can really believe in him.
Posted by: Laura | September 2, 2009 11:03 PM
I got so excited I had to go um, change before I could comment.
Dear Lonely People That Are Obsessed With Everyone Else's Sex That You Are Not Having:
STOP BEING SO CREEPY. It's not natural and you are starting to scare me. A lot.
Please, go watch porn and stop worrying about it!
Sincerely,
Girl Who Is Having The Sex That Makes You Feel Uncomfortable
Posted by: IBY | September 2, 2009 11:10 PM
Kind of a buzz kill?!
I would say it is a major buzz kill because it would just remind you that some sky daddy is watching your private moments. If you ask me, that is really creepy.
Posted by: KemaTheAtheist | September 2, 2009 11:11 PM
You found the convent from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?! Where is it?!
Posted by: MikeS29 | September 2, 2009 11:12 PM
Sorta divides the romance by three...
AND
@Cuttlefish: that may have been your best one ever.
@Chris A: Virgin Man in a Dress! LOL, I will use that one from now on in lieu of priest...
Posted by: Tuxedo Cartman
|
September 2, 2009 11:18 PM
"Our Father, I'm about to be in Heaven,
Heather be her name.
My wang will come,
It will all be done, in front as in the rear.
Give us this day our daily head,
And spank my ass, as I spank her ass.
Lead me forth into temptation
And deliver us some sin
For hers are the legs that go on for ever and ever and ever,
AMEN!"
Huh. I think I just found religion! Gotta go worship now...
Posted by: RamblinDude
|
September 2, 2009 11:26 PM
Like I’m gonna tell.
(In any case, it’s best to avoid it, for it’s guarded by the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.)
Posted by: MadScientist | September 2, 2009 11:36 PM
Wow - and I thought the church couldn't get more stupid when, at the age of 8, I decided they were full of shit and not relevant.
Posted by: truthspeaker | September 2, 2009 11:38 PM
That's the reason a (sort of) Christian friend gave me for why she and her (sort of) Christian husband had a secular wedding. She said "Jesus Christ isn't a partner in this marriage."
Posted by: KemaTheAtheist | September 2, 2009 11:39 PM
Fine. Bogart it. You're gonna end up praying most of the time anyways...
Posted by: ChuckP | September 2, 2009 11:59 PM
Posted by: truthspeaker | September 3, 2009 12:00 AM
I suspect that's part of the appeal. If you give over your control of figuring out when you're happy you can let go of all the stress of trying to figure out how to attain happiness.
Posted by: Hypatia's Daughter | September 3, 2009 12:06 AM
Hey, Tertullian. It took the angel who went head-to-head with God to tempt Eve - and he didn't even lie. She DIDN'T die (not that she would have known what death was in a Garden where NO ONE HAD EVER DIED!) Adam was one of those slimy cowards who lets someone else try the risky stuff first. (I'll bet he even put Eve up to it but blamed the snake.)
Actually, what is the root of the Xtian need to control sexuality? Most cultures turn to religion to pray for fertility, to cure impotence, even to celebrate the fecundity of nature. For the last 2,000 years, Xtianity has tried to wring every bit of normalcy and humanity out of human sexuality. How could a religion become so devoted to the hatred of humans?
Posted by: inky | September 3, 2009 12:14 AM
You know, though, the pre-coital prayer might be fine, but
did they have to make it so damn long?
That prayer would take longer to recite than most guys spend on foreplay.
Posted by: liquidthinker | September 3, 2009 12:17 AM
Perhaps it is just me, but what I found kind of weird is this kind of implied expectation of poverty and being satisfied with it, as long as God's mercy and forgiveness is "covering" it somehow. Bizarre little prayer, especially within context. Just when you think the Catholic church has exhausted its comedic material...
Posted by: DingoJack | September 3, 2009 12:37 AM
Masks of Eris (#44) - hears the prayer in the voice of Hellsing's Father Alexander Anderson, personally I can't help but think of the Simpson's Reverend Timothy Lovejoy. - DJ
Posted by: Monado | September 3, 2009 12:51 AM
Christianity is for saints, Judaism is for people. The joy of sex is part of the glory of god, and you're supposed to enjoy it.
Posted by: MaxH
|
September 3, 2009 1:25 AM
College student in me leaped out when I read that. First thought:
I'll cover your mom in the richness of my mercy!
Posted by: TheVirginian | September 3, 2009 1:31 AM
In a variation on this topic, here is what some popes have said over the years on marriage. I'm quoting from a church-approved translation of papal encyclicals. I've inserted explanatory notes in [] in a couple of cases.
This is from Pius IX's 1864 Syllabus of Errors, in which he condemns what he says are modern errors (basically, church-state separation is very very bad):
“65. The teaching that Christ elevated marriage to the dignity of a sacrament can in no way be admitted. [i.e., Pius claimed civil marriage did not exist, only marriage within the Roman Catholic Church]
“66. The sacrament of matrimony is but an accessory of the contract and separable from it, and the sacrament consists in the nuptial blessing alone.
“67. The marriage bond is not indissoluble according to the natural law, and in certain cases divorce, properly so called may be sanctioned by civil authority.
“68. The Church has no power to enact the diriment impediments to marriage. That power belongs to the civil authority, which can do away with the existing impediments.”
““73. A civil contract can constitute true marriage among Christians; and it is false to affirm either the marriage contract was always sacramental or that there is no contract if the sacrament be excluded.
“74. Matrimonial cases and espousals belong by their nature to civil jurisdiction.”
In 1898, Leo XIII condemned a new marriage law in Peru: “Under the appearance of regulating the marriage of non-Catholics, it introduced in effect, what is called a civil marriage, even though that law does not affect people of all conditions. What is more, putting aside the authority of the Church, a civil ceremony is permitted for mixed marriages whenever the Holy See, for serious reasons and for the eternal salvation of the Christian family, would consider it inappropriate to exempt anyone from the law forbidding marriage between those of different faiths. [including Catholics and Protestants] We were seriously upset by these events, which have been perpetrated in violation of the obedience due to Our dignity and to the authority divinely invested in Our supreme ministry. … in the truly Christian marriage, [civil authorities] have no authority, for this matter should be left to the jurisdiction of the Church, which is not established by men.”
Leo XIII goes on to claim Jesus created the marriage sacrament, “and this duty cannot be divorced from religion and immersed in worldly affairs.” Thus, “No marriage can be considered firmly ratified unless it is joined according to Church law and discipline.” He demanded public officials “should promise that civil marriage laws will contain nothing contrary to the teaching of the Church.”
In other words, if you're not a Catholic and not properly married in a Catholic rite, you're not married.
This was not just some off-the-wall view of Leo's. In 1930, Pius XI issued an encyclical on “Christian marriage” to the church clergy that attacked unions that were not approved by the Roman Catholic Church. Pius XI claimed that his church’s power over marriage was superior to any government’s: “… let it be repeated as an immutable and inviolable fundamental doctrine that matrimony was not instituted or restored by man but by God; not by man were the laws made to strengthen and confirm and elevate it but by God, the Author of nature, and by Christ Our Lord by Whom nature was redeemed, and hence these laws cannot be subject to any human decrees or to any contrary pact even of the spouses themselves.”
Pius XI added that a marriage under his god’s decree was inviolable and differed from the “union of animals” as well as “the haphazard unions of men, which are far removed from all true and honourable unions of will and enjoy none of the rights of family life.
“From this it is clear that legitimately constituted authority has the right and therefore the duty to restrict, to prevent, and to punish those base unions which are opposed to reason and to nature …”
So no legitimate marriages exist outside of his church. And this from a guy who signed treaties with Mussolini and Hitler.
Posted by: Sean Micheal | September 3, 2009 1:50 AM
Masks of Eris @ #44:
Of course, depending on your inclinations, a certain Valentine brother may be a bit more stimulating:
"We highly recommend pissing yourself, and of course praying to your impotent god! But there's always time to just man up and KILL YOURSELF!"
(incidentally, Hellsing would make good viewing on September 30th, International Blasphemy Day!)
Posted by: Christophe Thill | September 3, 2009 1:56 AM
Normally, your sex life goes better when you leave your mother (whether the real one or an imaginary one) our of it. But how should the Catholic hierarchy know?
Posted by: F | September 3, 2009 2:03 AM
Hilarious.
But it isn't actually the Church. It's the "Catholic Truth Society". I'd bet the RCC has something similar written down somewhere, though.
http://www.catholicnews.com/data/stories/cns/0903950.htm
Posted by: mikecbraun | September 3, 2009 2:43 AM
Well, I guess that takes any spontaneous, passionate love-making off of the agenda forever. "Honey, we are going to do that dirty thing to make a baby at six fifteen sharp! And we are going to pray that the Lord, in His wisdom, makes my peepee stand up and makes my aim true. But we must be quiet, lest our 43 other kids hear us and learn that people do this nasty thing." Hot, hot, hot!
Posted by: Ragutis | September 3, 2009 3:01 AM
Not quite on topic, but close enough for a laugh.
That guy from "House" does an impressive English accent, doesn't he? ;)
Posted by: Holydust | September 3, 2009 3:30 AM
Catholic church group fanfic. That is all.
Posted by: bastion of sass | September 3, 2009 3:55 AM
Ooooooo, I've got to remember this the next time I play Naughty Nun.
Posted by: Becky | September 3, 2009 4:18 AM
I wonder if the priests say this prayer before they rape a little boy......
Posted by: Johan | September 3, 2009 4:34 AM
OMG!! It's like they are having a threesome!!! You, I and the holy ghost.... Maybe the ghost is one helluva lover??? ;-)
Posted by: Stephen Wells | September 3, 2009 4:54 AM
Mary our mother intercede for us? Is that not the most inappropriate possible moment for a line like that?
Posted by: ben | September 3, 2009 5:05 AM
Back in college, my girlfriend and I asked Mary to intercede for us. Oh, wait, her name was Helen. It was awesome.
Posted by: Spiro Keat | September 3, 2009 5:58 AM
@51 Toth
Someone has neglected their bible reading, haven't they?
Posted by: SubMoron | September 3, 2009 6:07 AM
The lady's response:
Holy Mary we believe
without sin thou didst conceive
blessed virgin thus believing
may we sin without conceiving.
Not original btw.
Posted by: Riaan | September 3, 2009 6:47 AM
Back in college, my girlfriend and I asked Mary to intercede for us. Oh, wait, her name was Helen. It was awesome.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winnar! :D
Posted by: Hauntedchippy | September 3, 2009 7:16 AM
Oh PZ please not the Daily Mail!
It's one of the worst xenophobic right wing rags that gets printed in the UK. It can put Fox to shame sometimes.
Posted by: Wallace Turner | September 3, 2009 7:47 AM
Don't see what all the fuss is about myself. There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists, there are Hindus and Mormons, and then there are those that follow Mohammed; but I've never been one of them. I'm a Roman Catholic and have been since before I was born; and the one thing they say about Catholics is: they'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six-footer, you don't have to have a great brain. You don't have to have any clothes on. You're a Catholic the moment Dad came because every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.
Posted by: llewelly | September 3, 2009 7:57 AM
Uh, I know it's been said before, but judging from the comments, it needs to be said again. This did come from the Daily (Hurrah For The Blackshirts!) Mail. If the Daily Mail claims the Pope is catholic, you should be sceptical.
Posted by: Ian | September 3, 2009 8:19 AM
To quote Billy Connelly, 'At my age you have to seize the moment!'
In that case the prayer's out, not that it was ever in, if you get my drift.
Posted by: blondin | September 3, 2009 8:38 AM
I thought everybody knew that Billy prefers poking pigs.
Posted by: gnome | September 3, 2009 8:57 AM
Oh so they DO belive in birth control?
Because that's what this would be...
Posted by: Chief | September 3, 2009 8:57 AM
@ Kema #22
Heh heh, heh heh. "Backdoor attempt" -- is there a prayer for that, too??
Posted by: b00ger | September 3, 2009 9:07 AM
I already say a prayer before sex. It goes "Please dear god, don't let her get pregnant!"
Posted by: Aspirin | September 3, 2009 9:20 AM
The really...ahem...revealing part of this is where they ask Mother Mary to 'intercede' for a threesome.
Posted by: DebinOz | September 3, 2009 9:26 AM
OMG - I have just had a flashback to my years at an all-girls catholic school in the 60s. One of our teachers said to us, if ever we went to a movie that was ummmm rude, we should just close our eyes and say a little prayer.
Needless to say, sex was not even discussed, nor alluded to.
Posted by: Captain Mike | September 3, 2009 9:31 AM
DuckPhup @ 16: Thanks for the St. Tertullian quote. I'm definitely going to bust that one at the next swingers meet-up I attend and watch the ladies flock to me. Or maybe I'll just fart directly in their faces. I'm sure the effect will be similiar.
SUBTLE misogyny? That doesn't sound like the RCC I know. They usually just get the misogyny out in front where everyone can see it.
The short and simplistic answer: St. Augustine was a total douchebag.
Posted by: Gruesome Rob | September 3, 2009 10:04 AM
As long as no god comes before him, he's cool.
Posted by: Steve | September 3, 2009 10:25 AM
@110
Catholic foreplay - "Brace yerself, Brigitte! I'm comin' in!"
Posted by: False Prophet
|
September 3, 2009 10:27 AM
I immediately remembered this.
I remember finding my parents' Catholic marriage handbook, written just post-Vatican II (so around 1964?) by a Catholic physician. Being an adolescent, I immediately flipped to the "good Catholic sex" chapter. Apparently, as part of the "liberalizing" of the church, a husband was permitted to get his wife off--after depositing his seed in the proper manner, of course. Thanks for the tip, Holy See!
I have to see if I can dig that book up again...
Posted by: KemaTheAtheist | September 3, 2009 10:38 AM
That's gonna be hard though. Most people have been waiting for God to come again for almost 2000 years.
Posted by: J-Dog | September 3, 2009 11:16 AM
Republican Prayer Before Sex:
Please don't let my wife / constituants / press find out about this, Amen...
Posted by: Arctic Ape | September 3, 2009 11:52 AM
As several people have pointed out, this is not an "official" church business. Recently in Poland (according to Guardian Weekly) a similar organization published a book about "Catholic sex". The basic message was that you can have all kinds of hot sex while being married and not using contraception.
The RCC is definitely quite obsessed with people's private lives. However, Catholics seem to have a strong tradition of ignoring their own rules. It's the hardcore protestants who get heavily stuck into religious lifestyle.
Posted by: Rob Jase | September 3, 2009 11:58 AM
Prayers before sex?
I'm having nun of it.
Posted by: Ron Sullivan | September 3, 2009 12:59 PM
This is the little book my mother was supposed to read to me when I was approaching The Dread Puberty, about 1962. She got embarrassed after one chapter and just gave it to me to read. She wasn't embarrassed by talking about sex; she was embarrassed by what she was supposed to say about it.
You will note that this is still recommended by certain non-fringe Catholic authorities. And: "subtle" misogyny? Here's a load of unsubtle that's at least supposed to be internalized!
I guess I was a careful reader even at 12, because I sat down and read the thing and took it over to my BFF's and we had a laugh over the fact that a naive girl could come away from reading this with the conviction that we could get pregnant by hugging. "The marital embrace" is as specific as it gets.
Posted by: Jonathon | September 3, 2009 2:44 PM
I wish that Catholics would just go ahead and concede their polytheism. They are not even truly "Christian", with all their worship of saints and of Mary.
You've got "God", who was demoted to being only one part of a trinity.
Then you've got Jesus "the Son of God". Add to him the "Holy Ghost", which is somehow separate from God.
Then there's Mary... who knew Jesus wanted people to worship his mother?
And of course, the most powerful one of all, SATAN.
So, there are at least four deities in the Catholic belief system. And for those "the Pope is infallible" folks, I guess we should make it five.
And lest Protestants get too excited about this, they are polytheists too. They may not worship Mary or idolize the Pope, but they have four deities too. Ever been to a Baptist church when talk of Satan comes up? Man, they think that he can do anything.
Their borrowed scriptures from the Jews made it clear:
"Hear, O Israel. The Lord is God. The Lord is One." (Deuteronomy 6:4)
And despite this, Christians remain polytheists.
Posted by: DaveG | September 3, 2009 2:56 PM
Just when I thought Mother Church had perfected the mind fuck, they outdo themselves. And the sheep line up to swallow this garbage...
Posted by: DaveG | September 3, 2009 3:00 PM
Re #149,
Spanish Catholics place Mary first.
Posted by: Forbidden Snowflake | September 3, 2009 3:15 PM
@False Prophet, #143:
that is a good one (I should slip the phrase "endurable beyond my wildest dreams" into a conversation someday), but I think this one is more suitable in this case.
Posted by: squareone | September 3, 2009 3:28 PM
Now I lay thee down to fuck
I hope and pray my cock you'll suck
As I impale you with my stake
I pray that you will gasm-quake
Posted by: Eve | September 3, 2009 3:28 PM
delurk
Re: "subtle" vs. overt misogyny in the Pope's encyclical: I guess I thought it was subtle because there's no language that comes right out and says, "It is the God-given burden of womenfolk to not only be willing to get pregnant, but also hoping to get pregnant whenever they have sex with their husbands, which is, by the way, the only circumstances in which sex can and should take place."
I find the sugary, feel-good, fuzzy-wuzzy language in which this is actually said so disturbing, because unless you're used to thinking critically about most of what you read, you might actually begin to find these concepts reasonable *shudder*.
I've already spoken to a few women, not all Catholic even, who don't detect the misogyny (not to mention the homophobia and even misandry) in the encyclical until I point it out to them; it seems subtle to them, so I figured it was subtle in a general sense, or at least to non-Pharyngulites.
I love this site!
/lurk
Posted by: Leon | September 3, 2009 4:05 PM
Am I the only one who was reminded of "A Handmaid's Tale" when I read that prayer?
Posted by: Gregory Greenwood | September 3, 2009 8:46 PM
While disturbing and extremely weird, pre-sex prayers are small potatoes compared to the litany of death and suffering caused accross the world by the Catholic Church's attitude toward condom use. The current Pope is doing even more to exacerbate this problem then his predecessor did. That Ratsinger bastard has a lot to answer for. It is almost a pity there is no hell, and so he cannot burn in it.
All this before we even get started on the rampant child abuse and vitriolic homophobia . . .
Posted by: DLC | September 3, 2009 8:51 PM
q:
What did the Agnostic say mid-orgasm ?
a:
"ooohh! Maaaaybeeeee! "
q:
What did the Atheist say in mid-orgasm?
a: "Ohhh ! Nothing! "
Thanks folks, I'm here all week.
Posted by: Riaan | September 4, 2009 1:46 AM
Ya see, there's three types of orgasms:
1) The positive orgasm:
"Oh yes oh yes ohhh yesssssssssssss!!!!!!"
2) The religious orgasm:
"Oh god oh god ohhh goooooooood!!!!!!"
3) The fake orgasm
"Oh YES mr. Ham!"
Posted by: uncle frogy | September 4, 2009 2:18 PM
this prayer does sound like it was written by a committee and not by anyone "inspired by the love of God"
It just goes to show you how religion has drifted from "The love of and desire for God" into just another totalitarian desire to control everyone political movement. That prayer has zero passion of some seeker but sounds like some crap from the "Central Committee"
If God is Truth then science is one of the most effective ways to discover what truth is.
It is not opinion it is not authority it is the expression of the desire for truth open to anyone. saying, " I have found this to be true what do the rest of you say, can anyone verify my findings?" by this we discover what is truth. It is led by passion which can not be denied or controlled and repressed without being expressed in some negative way. Sex is full of passion and love and desire for life which "The Church" has been trying to repress for centuries and has been having very poor results. If something that has been going on for that long and has had such poor results would not logic suggest that it might be wise to reexamine the basic assumptions and practices and see if there are not some errors?
don't hold your breath
Posted by: PIltdown Man | September 5, 2009 11:51 AM
uncle frogy @ 159:
It's awful and has JPII's fingerprints all over it -- jargon like "self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive" is typical of his turgid "theology of the body".
Fortunately, PZ is quite wrong in referring to "Church instructions" -- it's just a crappy little CTS booklet that will soon sink into deserved oblivion. If Catholic lovers want some material for meditation, what's wrong with the Song of Songs? Or the mystical poetry of St John of the Cross?
Standard liberal boilerplate. Far from being concerned to repress joy and the love of life, the Church merely points out that sexual passion -- like any other passion -- can all too easily deviate into unhealthy anti-life currents if not ordered to its proper end.
Posted by: SC, OM | September 5, 2009 12:02 PM
Yup, all they do is point stuff out. Go around pointing out their beliefs. Merely that. Nothing more.
Posted by: strange gods bless 'merica | September 5, 2009 12:03 PM
I guess you'll be cutting your testicles off when your wife goes through menopause, then. It would be sinful for you to lust after a woman who cannot get pregnant.
Posted by: Knockgoats | September 5, 2009 12:04 PM
sexual passion -- like any other passion -- can all too easily deviate into unhealthy anti-life currents - Pilty
Hmm, "unhealthy anti-life currents". Couldn't really get a better description of the HIV-infected semen the RCC insists must pass between husband and wife if the former is HIV+ and the couple want to enjoy intercourse.
Posted by: Feynmaniac | September 5, 2009 12:09 PM
Pilty,
Like grown men sexually abusing altar boys?
Posted by: Irene Delse | September 5, 2009 12:46 PM
I find the "Mary, our mother, intercede for us" part absolutely fascinating. It reminds me of somemthing I've read in a history book: Philippe d'Orleans, brother of Louis XIV the Sun-King, was gay (quite openly, even, for the times) but still wanted to marry and have children in the hopes that his descendants would one day ascend to the throne. So he married twice and took pains to impregnate his successive wives, until at last the second one bore him a son.
But he still had so little desire for the feminine body that he took to rubbing his genital parts with images and relics of the Holy Virgin in order to get ready to accomplish his "marital duty"!
Posted by: Datan0de | September 9, 2009 2:26 PM
My girlfriend and I are both vehement atheists who were raised in Catholic households. She pointed out this post to me because it's funny, but I think it'll be even funnier when I bust this out the next time we're starting to get amorous.
The beating I'll likely get will be well worth it! :-D