…and this is a 
Kimberly Daniels of the Christian Broadcasting Network has a warning for trick-or-treaters.
"[M]ost of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches," Daniels wrote. "I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference."
I think Kimberly is just one of those obnoxious cheapskates who wants an excuse to hand out bible tracts on Halloween. Although, if I were a witch, I'd totally want a full-time job in a candy factory.
Comments
Posted by: Andy Gates | October 31, 2009 8:33 AM
Well it would have to be woo: some chap did an investigation and found no evidence of poison and razors, so the threat must retreat into the invisible: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1933329,00.html
Satan of the Gaps, eh?
Posted by: HombreMoleculos | October 31, 2009 8:35 AM
Is she on Crack?
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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October 31, 2009 8:35 AM
Bwahahaha. Today we'll be very evil. Expecting about 350 or so ghosties and ghoulies during the window of begging.
Posted by: AJ Milne OM
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October 31, 2009 8:35 AM
Hrm...
Well, I'm certified grade A evil myself*... And I just waved my Magical Evil Stick (TM) at the CBN website...
So's you'd better not read any of this schmuck's press releases during the Halloween season** either... You'll get evil cooties that way too, ya will...
*Also, grain-fed, free-range evil. The worst kind, I assure you.
(/**Or any other time, for that matter...)
Posted by: MadScientist
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October 31, 2009 8:49 AM
Anyone remember Teller's apple with a razor blade act that he put on for halloween about 20 years ago?
Posted by: Carlie | October 31, 2009 8:52 AM
It was a hilarious article. CBN pulled it just a few hours after Americans United for the Separation of Church and State started publicizing it far and wide, so they seem to have at least some capacity to be embarrassed by their dumbass beliefs.
Posted by: daveau
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October 31, 2009 8:54 AM
Supplementary income. The witchcraft biz ain't what it used to be.
Posted by: SEF | October 31, 2009 8:54 AM
In addition to what I said on the other thread (effectively about her being bats and inconsistently so), I wonder if she believes Willy Wonka's chocolate factory is real and that the oompa-loompas have the task of inserting such extra, seasonal seasoning into the manufacturing process.
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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October 31, 2009 8:55 AM
Whaddaya mean "if"?
Posted by: Carlie | October 31, 2009 8:58 AM
Ragutis on the endless thread posted an alternate link to the article Here
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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October 31, 2009 8:58 AM
AJ Milne #4
But are you non-organic, full of additives and preservatives evil? Pure evil is strip-mined in Alberta and then fully processed in the dark satanic mills of Secaucus, New Jersey.
Posted by: Julian
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October 31, 2009 9:01 AM
I'm siding with Hombres on this one; the only proper response to such blindly, obviously partisan propaganda is WTF? This is what religion does to you; it makes you assert obviously false absurdities such as the idea that the Mars corporation employs a coven of witches to "pray" over every box of candy bars as it leaves the factory.
I also love the Freudian slip she commits which puts to lie the stated conviction of Christians that all other gods are false gods because they create evil in the world. She states that prayers, an activity Christians participate in, can cause curses, evils supposedly reserved to the devil's servants. Not only does this show that people like Mrs. Daniels consider the entities behind other religions to be no different capacity and communication wise than their god (they heed prayers and act open in this world as a result to carry out their worshipers' wills), but this also shows what they really hope to bring about through the imprecatory prayer movement. If witches lay a curse by praying to their gods to cause evil things to happen to their foes in the world, and Christians pray to their three-in-one pantheon for evil things to happen to people they don't like, doesn't that mean that Christians are trying to lay curses?
Posted by: Christopher Taylor | October 31, 2009 9:08 AM
Of course. You'd get a staff discount on the building materials for your gingerbread house.
Posted by: SEF | October 31, 2009 9:13 AM
Those fundy death cultists and their prayer curses. They're always trying to steal the rituals of the pagans. Not an original thought in their vacant heads.
Posted by: laurar
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October 31, 2009 9:14 AM
What kind of shithead God would allow children to be cursed by store-bought Butterfingers? And who in the hell would worship him?!
Jeez...
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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October 31, 2009 9:26 AM
Not to mention what corporation (other than Procter & Gamble) would hire witches to pray over candy? That's an unnecessary expense that the bean counters would object to. In these uncertain economic times, the praying witches would be the first to be laid off.
Posted by: Zeno
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October 31, 2009 9:32 AM
Stupid demons.
Posted by: maxamillion
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October 31, 2009 9:34 AM
google is your friend
http://74.125.153.132/search?q=cache:tpp4ipDgs2IJ:www.cbn.com/spirituallife/onlinediscipleship/halloween/halloween_danger_daniels.aspx+http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/onlinediscipleship/halloween/halloween_danger_daniels.aspx&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk
Posted by: Mau de Katt | October 31, 2009 9:43 AM
My very favorite quote from the "Jim & Tammy Fae Bakker" days, on a SNL "Church Lady" parody interview skit:
"And I put my hands up, and I said, demonic raisins, I rebuke you!"
Posted by: Larry
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October 31, 2009 9:47 AM
After reading that batshit insane article I had to go look at my calendar to remember what century we're in. For modern people to believe that witches and demons are real (and working in candy factories) is so bizarre. Fundies are truly the oddest people on earth.
Posted by: taranaki
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October 31, 2009 9:47 AM
Why are you heathen saying such nasty things about Sister Kimberly? Everyone knows that Halloween is EEEVUHL!!!! It is part of the vast homosexual agenda - it is now the Great Gay Holiday!
While cursing your candy, check out this post from Jerry Coyne. You can see His Crackerness live blogging while wearing a crocoduck tie. Was the bathroom the only place he could get a picture of Richard Lewontin and his ex-student Fred Cohan?
Posted by: Don Smith
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October 31, 2009 9:49 AM
No. It's a much more insidious and dangerous drug called religion.Posted by: The Perky Skeptic | October 31, 2009 9:51 AM
PRAYED OVER BY WITCHES!!! :D :D :D This is my new all-time favorite fundie paranoia quote.
I used to be a wiccan before I went all atheist, and no one ever asked me to pray over Halloween candy. I feel so ripped off.
Posted by: Jeff Eyges | October 31, 2009 9:57 AM
There are just no words.
Another contributor posted an article entitled, "Why Christians Should Celebrate Halloween". The upshot is that its roots are a combination of Christian and pagan (which he equates with Satanic), but that Christians shouldn't fear it and they shouldn't allow it to cause them to exclude themselves from community. Giving into fear gives the devil the victory. Although he didn't say so, I imagine he also thinks it provides an opportunity to witness.
http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/blogs/712-in-the-news/23800-why-christians-should-celebrate-halloween-
Posted by: Carlie | October 31, 2009 9:58 AM
What kind of shithead God would allow children to be cursed by store-bought Butterfingers?
The same shithead God who would allow about a million and a half people in the US alone to die of anaphylactic shock if they eat the Butterfingers.
Posted by: SEF | October 31, 2009 10:06 AM
@ Zeno #17:
But the stupid fundy effectively admitted that she can't tell the difference either! (And it would be within the realms of fundy "logic" to suggest that made her a demon too.)
Posted by: Lynna | October 31, 2009 10:06 AM
Go directly to Kimberly, the Demon Buster
http://kimberlydaniels.com/Main.php
Halloween note from my daughter: "It is astonishing to me that anyone who is smart enough to be able to read could be stupid enough to actually buy into any of this. Every sentence is a horror-show of illogic. I got to wondering who this dangerous moron could be. yikes! ..and apparently she travels around the country in a 30' winnebago called "the demon buster."
I notice Kimberly's home page plays a song that emphasizes "the latter days" -- and that makes me suspicious.
Posted by: MorboKat | October 31, 2009 10:10 AM
As a Witch, I had to comment on this.
The forces of evil are not dumb. They are portrayed as such in film, but we know what's going on.
What's the point in cursing Halloween candy? Every child that dresses up and begs for it is another soldier dedicated to our evil cause!
We pray over Easter Candy. That's right. Eat a peep, go to hell.
Posted by: Dahan
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October 31, 2009 10:10 AM
I kind of feel for the Witches, actually. I mean, trying to get by on seasonal work is tough!
Posted by: Ragutis
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October 31, 2009 10:17 AM
Apparently, the Catholics don't want to be left out.
Although, at least they aren't warning about cursed Crunch bars and mephistophelean M&Ms. No mention of the demon sex or baby-eating from Daniels' full article either.
Posted by: ROF | October 31, 2009 10:17 AM
What kind of shithead God would allow children to be cursed by store-bought Butterfingers?
The same god Matt Rosemier illustrates at Edible Dirt.
.
.
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 31, 2009 10:22 AM
From Kimberly's "War Room" website page:
http://kimberlydaniels.com/WarRoom.php
Posted by: Kane148 | October 31, 2009 10:24 AM
Being raised by fundie parents in a fundie church, I heard ALOT of crazy talk about Halloween growing up, but this tops all of it...
Posted by: Enshoku | October 31, 2009 10:27 AM
@#24 Correlation never means equation, even in fundy...NO GET
Posted by: coleslaw
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October 31, 2009 10:30 AM
So does that mean it would be possible to post a comment asking how the candy gets dedicated by witches? I would dearly love to know what mechanism she proposes.
Posted by: Ron Gove | October 31, 2009 10:35 AM
"What kind of shithead God would allow children to be cursed by store-bought Butterfingers? And who in the hell would worship him?!"
The same god that is letting children die of cancer while it is busy putting the image of Jesus on toasted cheese sandwiches.
Posted by: shyster | October 31, 2009 10:42 AM
Halloween: The one day of the year that we teach our children to disguise themselves and accost strangers, demanding candy under the threat of damage to them or their property.
Extortion and vandalism aside, we teach our children all year not to talk to strangers, not to take candy from strangers and not to go to a stranger’s home. It’s all good advice in a dangerous world. On Halloween we suspend all of that good advice, buy disguises and kick the kids out of the door as the sun goes down to wander in packs around town terrorizing the community.
If the children are too young to go by themselves we go with them and give prompting instruction in threats and extortion from the dark as they confront innocent home owners.
Tomorrow we will go back to normal and teach children the fear of strangers and the reasonable avoidance of transfats and sugars. But tonight all HELL is breaking loose.
Posted by: IvanS | October 31, 2009 10:43 AM
Over here in Blighty we call "candy" "sweets", do you think the demons know that? If not it looks like we're in the clear, mind you it's not such a big thing so maybe they wouldn't bother anyway. Then again we're already a bunch of godless heathens so their work is done.
Posted by: druidbros
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October 31, 2009 10:43 AM
This is stupidity on a nuclear level. I only hope they believe in my prayers to the FSM too.
***************
And I found this in the registration terms you must agree to...
You agree that “War Room” have the right to remove, edit, move or close any topic at any time should we see fit. As a user you agree to any information you have entered to being stored in a database. While this information will not be disclosed to any third party without your consent, neither “War Room” nor phpBB shall be held responsible for any hacking attempt that may lead to the data being compromised.
So if you post a good convincing argument then it will be deleted. Thats good honest Xian debate.
Posted by: Rev. El Mundo
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October 31, 2009 10:48 AM
If you'd like to read the full article, you'll find it archived here --> http://www.wvcsr.org/KimberlyDaniels.htm.
~Rev. El Mundo
Pastor, WVCSR.org
Posted by: druidbros
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October 31, 2009 11:01 AM
Rev El, thats not a good link....
Posted by: Eidolon | October 31, 2009 11:01 AM
Now, if you are planning some sort of get together for this evening, you might want to include some of the activities suggested by the article in question.
"The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:
* Sex with demons
* Orgies between animals and humans
* Animal and human sacrifices
* Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
* Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
* Revel nights
* Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
* Release of "time-released" curses against the innocent and the ignorant."
Party on!
Posted by: coleslaw
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October 31, 2009 11:04 AM
I remember a few years ago, after reading a "Jesus Loves You" message on a T-shirt or church billboard or some such, I thought to myself that if Jesus really loved me, he'd find me a pair of scrunch boots for under $50. A week or so later, I got a Nordstrom's catalog in the mail, and sure enough, there was a pair of such boots for $49.99. Rather than instantly dropping to my knees in fervent prayer, I thought, so that's why Jesus can't come up with a cure for cerebral palsy, he's too busy finding me footwear.
He hasn't called since. Can't say I blame him.
Posted by: Dianne
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October 31, 2009 11:08 AM
The same god that is letting children die of cancer
Screw that god, we're kicking his butt! God may be willing to let kids die of cancer, but oncologists aren't...and we're getting more successful at stopping kids from dying of cancer. Adults too. BWAHAHA I say, while thwarting god's plan for millions of people to die in horrible pain.
Posted by: Cuttlefish, OM, CR
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October 31, 2009 11:08 AM
It’s almost time for Trick Or Treat,
And now I’m in a panic—
I’m doubting if my candy is
Sufficiently Satanic!
The needles, pins, and razor blades
(Which used to be tradition)
Are terribly old-fashioned now;
I need new ammunition!
The local Coven gave their curse
As every Coven should,
But will that really be enough
To drive away the Good?
The fundies warn us all about
The evil of this day—
How just by eating candy, we
Become the Devil’s prey!
But I wonder, as I always do,
As kids come to my door,
With all the curses I have cast,
Perhaps I should do more?
I’ve made a perfect pentagram
Of skittle, corn, and dud,
Then baptized all my candy in
A newborn infant’s blood.
While waiting for the mess to dry
I reveled with a goat—
Now every child’s candy sends
Some evil down their throat.
The last I’ve ever had such fun
I don’t remember when—
Too bad I’m not as scary as
The folks from CBN.
http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2009/10/halloween-horrors.html
Posted by: Gregory Greenwood
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October 31, 2009 11:10 AM
Now, now PZ we should be careful. When I was less than convinced about the existence of demons on the 'They Really Are That Crazy' thread, Piltdown Man did rebuke me thusly;
"Ridicule isn't refutation. Think! Exactly what "readily available information" makes belief in demons untenable in this particular time period?'
Since Piltdown does not appear to be here to reiterate his . . . interesting position on the supernatural, I will do it in his place;
"Ridicule isn't refutation. Think! Exactly what "readily available information" makes belief in witch-cursed, attack-demon-spawning candy untenable in this particular time period?"
I mean, come on! That is clearly an utterly irreffutable argument right there! Other commentors tried to explain to Piltdown that physical models of the brain and it's functioning as supplied by neuro-science, bio-chemistry and psychology were superior explanations for mental illness than demonic possession, but Piltdown, empowered by the undoubted strength of his convictions, was unmoved.
Just as we cannot prove categorically and beyond any possible doubt that demons do not exist, equally we cannot prove to a similar standard of proof that witches are not cursing sweets. There could be a giant, illuminati sponsored, alien abduction funded, candy-cursing conspiracy going on right now! Could any of us 'prove' otherwise to Piltdown's satisfaction?
People like Piltdown demand absolute, unchallenged, eternal, adamantine perma-proof(TM) before they will accept the honeyed lies of science or allow the siren song of reality to lure them from the path of the righteous. God, on the other hand, requires no proof whatsoever because, well, he's 'The Man'. He's like the Celestial Fonze, one strike of the heavenly Jukebox from his hand is all it takes for the lilting melody of The Truth to pour forth. It is only we square, rythm free unbelievers who do not dance.
Only a black-hearted sophist like yours truly would point out that such a perverse attitude toward 'proof' means that it is equally impossible to prove that the world is not ruled by a secret nation of vampires, or that we are actually kept alive by organs and blood and not by teams of pixies, fairies and goblins running in treadmills and using a complex system of gears to give our bodies movement. Perhaps our seeming biology is no more than a mass hallucination? Perhaps none of you are real at all, and all this is no more than the creation of my fevered imagination.
On the other hand, maybe the world is quantifiable and can be understood by science. Maybe myths are just myths, while facts are facts. This interpretation of the world has the merit of conforming to what we know of reality and as a result does not require you to load up on wooden stakes and silver bullets before a night out on the town. It's ok if we are wrong though, just find Piltdown. He will doubtless be packing all the demon busting arsenal any aspiring Slayer could wish for.
Posted by: Dianne
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October 31, 2009 11:14 AM
Though I should probably add that god or rather ionizing radiation, genetics, mutagenic chemicals, UV light, and other random forces still kick our butts a fair amount of time and more research is needed. I don't know if we'll get to the point where people say things like, "Damn it, first a cold and now cancer...I'm just having no luck at all this week." But I am hopeful for making many metastatic cancers a chronic disease within the next few decades.
Posted by: DominEditrix | October 31, 2009 11:15 AM
Mmmmm, demons! They're especially good with dark chocolate.
We only get one trick-or-treater, living as we do in a predominantly going-to-hell-gay neighbourhood. As I make her cookies each year, I'll have to go find a witch to pray over them and/or howl at the moon. My cats will appreciate this, what with being demonic animals.
Is there room for one more at the asylum? Or do we have to find a place for Orly Taitz first?
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 31, 2009 11:18 AM
Cuttlefish @45: A masterpiece! Anointing the candy with newborn baby blood was an especially fine touch. Kimberly Daniels is so far out there that she parodies herself, making it difficult to ridicule her properly -- but Cuttlefish was up to the task. P.S. don't forget the time-released curses.
Posted by: fishboy | October 31, 2009 11:21 AM
these people have f*ing lost it.
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/onlinediscipleship/halloween/halloween_origins_Ankerberg.aspx
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/OnlineDiscipleship/Halloween/halloween_Watt05.aspx
http://blogs.cbn.com/hurdontheweb/archive/2009/07/24/obama-administration-sliding-toward-the-abyss-again.aspx
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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October 31, 2009 11:25 AM
No! No! No! Let me explain the origin of Halloween:
During colonial times, in Boston, Massachusetts, there was an itinerant hot dog salesman named Horatio. He was much beloved because of his habit of wandering the town dressed in outlandish clothing and giving out free samples to all the boys and girls. One October 31st, there was a terrific storm -- a true nor'easter. Horatio went into the nor'easter without his sou'wester, and so he got swept out to sea.
All the Boston children were saddened by this, so to cheer them up, the town council instituted a holiday in which costumed children went door-to-door collecting hot dogs. However, since the town frankfurter salesman was now dead, the hot dog supply was unreliable. So it was decided to give out candy instead. This holiday was called after Horatio's call when he was selling his hot dogs: "Hallo! Weenies!"
Posted by: nobody | October 31, 2009 11:29 AM
Thank you for posting this link. This spring, I went to a scenic viewpoint and found a coven of witches praying over what looked like a bunch of plastic grocery bags. Then they broke them open and sprinkled cheetos and pastel m&ms around a tree. I was baffled. It seemed a little too walmart and not enough mother goddess, if you know what I mean. Clearly they were working up their candy mojo so they could build up to hexing large quantities by the time halloween rolled around.
Posted by: Dust
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October 31, 2009 11:32 AM
Many years ago my youngest brother did find a razor blade in a mini Tootsie roll. His braces saved him from injury, as he had bit into it. Hey, that got his picture into the local newspaper.
He never lost his love of Halloween and trick or treating though. He has one son and as the kid grew and went trick or treating he just couldn't eat any candy until my bro had inspected the kids loot.
My bro (a good atheist) isn't scared of the supernatural on Halloween, it's the real life flesh & blood crazies he is worried about!
Posted by: Gregory Greenwood
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October 31, 2009 11:35 AM
I read in the article that Halloween is traditionally a period of wild sex with demons. I wish to complain. In my 28 years on this ball of mud no one thought to tell me about the availability of crazy demon orgies. Every year I waste my time on October 31st when I could be entertianing a few (dozen) out of town ladies. Damnit! I always miss the best parties.
Could anyone point me in the direction of one or more suitably open-minded lady lust demons? I need to start making up for lost time . . .
Posted by: defective robot
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October 31, 2009 11:36 AM
Reeses Christ! That Tootsie Roll is Laffy Taffy! She really laid a Milk Dud with that one. Her commentary sent me into a fit of Snickers! Next thing you know she’ll be claiming that praying to angels, Pixy Stix, and unicorns from Mars will counteract the cursed candy. Or that if a black Kit Kat crosses in front you it’s a sign that the Three Musketeers of the apocalypse will be arriving soon. Methinks her mental health is somewhere beTwixt and between irrational and downright Bonkers. But I suspect she’ll Blow Pop her top sometime soon, and I’d pay 100 Grand to see that!
Let’s all pray to Gobstoppers that herShey will see the light and repent.
Posted by: defective robot
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October 31, 2009 11:39 AM
Sorry for that, everyone.
I just couldn't let that Smarties pant's ridiculous Whoppers of a tale go without a strong rebuke. It just happened to coincide with a bad pun Spree...
Posted by: gettingfree | October 31, 2009 11:41 AM
@ #42 ""The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:
* Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies"
Hmm, everyday must be Halloween for Catholic Priests.
Posted by: andy | October 31, 2009 11:47 AM
The CBN internet monkeys are working fast. If you try to share the link or the Tiny URL version, they don't work as they've been reported as "abusive" by Facebook users.
Maybe, but it's self-abuse; they really don't want people to see how stupid they can be.
Posted by: lordshipmayhem
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October 31, 2009 11:54 AM
All this talk about witches and how Halloween was becoming the new gay holiday has given me the mental image of Dame Edna in a witch's black cape and conical hat, saying some evil-sounding words over a crate of chocolates from Island Angel Chocolates in Washington.
Posted by: shyster | October 31, 2009 12:00 PM
'tis himself, even assuming that the story you told (#51) approaches the truth (and it doesn't), I retract all of my objections to this silly "holiday" in order to be allowed to participate in any of the activities outlined in #42 .
Cuttlefish - bravo!
Posted by: raven | October 31, 2009 12:13 PM
The War on Halloween seems to have been a huge failure this year. In my area, there were a lot of events on the day before Halloween, most likely because Halloween falls on a Saturday this year.
There were hordes of small children and adults dressed up around 5:00. They all looked like they were having a good time.
The Forces of Fundie Idiocy are losing to the Forces of Mass Merchandising and Children.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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October 31, 2009 12:15 PM
shyster #60
Are you suggesting that the story of the origins of Halloween might not be completely accurate? A noble sausage salesman gave his life for that story and you imply this sacrifice was in vain. Have you no decency, Sir?
Posted by: ctgopks
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October 31, 2009 12:17 PM
I just read the article about Williams, whose opinions are
and had a dyslexic moment; I read "ministering" as "misintering" and thought Perfect, it's Halloween!Posted by: ctgopks
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October 31, 2009 12:22 PM
Sorry, "Daniels"
Posted by: Rev. El Mundo
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October 31, 2009 12:25 PM
To Druidbros and others who would like to read the original article: the link fails because of the period after the link.
The link should be: http://www.wvcsr.org/KimberlyDaniels.htm
Sorry for the inconvenience.
~Rev El Mundo
Posted by: strangest brew | October 31, 2009 12:27 PM
"The word "holiday" means "holy day." But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is "hallow," which means "holy, consecrated and set apart for service." If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer's!"
Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain which was the celebration for new year on Nov 1st."
"Pope Boniface IV designated November 1 All Saints' Day, a time to honor saints and martyrs. It is widely believed today that the pope was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. The celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints' Day) and the night before it, the night of Samhain, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween. Even later, in A.D. 1000, the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honor the dead. It was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels, and devils. Together, the three celebrations, the eve of All Saints', All Saints', and All Souls', were called Hallowmas."
http://www.history.com/content/halloween/real-story-of-halloween
I really wish these barking fools would learn their own religious history ...especially if they do not want folks laughing at them!
Posted by: Elaine | October 31, 2009 12:50 PM
Check out this CBN very accurate history of Pagan beliefs and the origin of Halloween:
The origins of Halloween are Celtic in tradition and have to do with observing the end of summer sacrifices to gods in Druidic tradition. In what is now Britain and France, it was the beginning of the Celtic year, and they believed Samhain, the lord of death, sent evil spirits abroad to attack humans, who could escape only by assuming disguises and looking like evil spirits themselves. The waning of the sun and the approach of dark winter made the evil spirits rejoice and play nasty tricks. Believe it or not, most of our Halloween practices can be traced back to these old pagan rites and superstitions.
From the link posted by fishboy in #50. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they would just lie about history like that, seeing how they lie about everything else.
Posted by: Zeno
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October 31, 2009 1:08 PM
I thinking writing "A LOT" as one word is demonic.
Posted by: RAFritz | October 31, 2009 1:15 PM
"The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:
* Sex with demons
* Orgies between animals and humans
* Animal and human sacrifices
* Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
* Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
* Revel nights
* Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
* Release of "time-released" curses against the innocent and the ignorant."
These must really be secret activities. I've been going to pagan gatherings for years and nobody's even told me that they exist!
Posted by: bobxxxx | October 31, 2009 1:18 PM
Somebody who works for the Christian Broadcasting Network is an idiot. What a surprise!
This is a bit off-topic, but I just wanted to say that anyone who gives candy to children on Halloween is as guilty of child abuse as are the creationists who teach them that magic is real.
I wouldn't give that Halloween crap to a dog, and I can't imagine anything more immoral than giving it to an innocent child. Isn't Idiot America fat enough?
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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October 31, 2009 1:37 PM
Did you know that it's possible for children to enjoy eating candy without getting obese? It's true! Kids are hard-wired with an insatiable taste for sugar. Candy makes them happy--it really does, physiologically.
Parental supervision, as always, is indicated, of course.
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | October 31, 2009 2:04 PM
Zeno said, at #17:
Yeah, stupid demons. Tricks are for kids.
Posted by: Travis | October 31, 2009 2:04 PM
But remember, most peoples religious beliefs are very complex, deep, just like the theologians say, nothing like the simple, thoughless, silly strawmen beliefs that people PZ and Dawkins talk about...
hahahaha
Posted by: Elaine | October 31, 2009 2:11 PM
@bobxxxx (#70)
Really? Letting kids have candy one night of the year is child abuse? Child abuse like people not taking their kids to a doctor because they believe that prayer will save them, or child like hitting your kids, maybe?
Really, Bill Maher, just because you have a firmly ingrained belief that we horrible awful Americans are fat, stupid, and lazy and junk food is evil, you don't get to accuse the rest of us of child abuse.
Posted by: Beth B.
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October 31, 2009 3:00 PM
Damn. Back when I went to church, Halloween was just the night where all the Satanic cults sacrificed their pet virgins. And by trick-or-treating we were showing solidarity with the legions of hell, or something. Come to think of it, our church would have a Halloween festival for the local kids as an alternative to trick or treating and we gave away...oh, god...CANDY!
If you pass it out in church, does Jesus cancel out the demons?
Also, when a conservative Southern Baptist church would consider you crazy, maybe you need an evaluation.
Posted by: cpsmith | October 31, 2009 3:27 PM
If I had known there were all these candy rituals involved I would have stayed a Wiccan. Screw atheism; I'm going to where all the candy is at.
Posted by: Abdul Alhazred
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October 31, 2009 3:28 PM
I predict this will become part of permanent fundy folklore.
Like all such folklore, it has its origin in someone just making shit up. You already know this, but this time you caught one in the act.
CBN has pulled the article from their website, but here is in google cache (for a little while). Click it quick if you want a screenshot.
Posted by: Dr. P | October 31, 2009 4:05 PM
Crap! I never get invited to any of the best parties.Posted by: kopd | October 31, 2009 4:07 PM
It really bothers me that she insults the intelligence of demons with nothing to back it up. Where are the demon IQ tests? I haven't seen them.
Posted by: 1minion | October 31, 2009 4:20 PM
Speaking of making shit up, I came across a very hilarious blog post about the origins of the Jack O'Lantern that had zip to do with reality. It was all pro Jesus, though, unlike this lady's strange screed.
http://tinyurl.com/yf5gufz
I wouldn't mind getting a copy of the book Nate claims he found it in, if only to laugh at what else might be in it.
Posted by: Tom M | October 31, 2009 4:34 PM
I understand that the demons only curse candy made by the Mars Corporation. You definitely don't want to buy that stuff as, well, there's simply no way of telling beforehand what exactly the demon has done to it.
Hershey's candy is perfectly fine to eat and especially to buy. In fact, you should buy extra, in case quantities. You can order it here: Chocolate!
Now, the fact that I used to work in Hershey, still own stock and buy a lot of their candy does not in any way bias my posting this link. In fact, I'm sure the demons really are in New Jersey, generally, and at Mars headquarters in particular. Srsly.
Posted by: Elaine | October 31, 2009 4:50 PM
Tom, that article is awesome.
If these people have their way all traces of Halloween’s Christian roots would be erased and all references to Jesus would be stricken from Halloween parades, store displays, and the hopeful mouths of trick or treating Christian children.
Huh? Don'tcha just hate it when Jesus is stricken from the hopeful mouths of children?
One of the reasons that St. Patrick was celebrated for driving the snakes from Ireland is because they used to feed Christian children to the snakes.
Those damn man-eating larger-than-average anacondas and reticulated pythons that used to terrorize the emerald isle. It's pretty impressive that St. Patrick managed to not only drive all the snakes from Ireland but also erradicate all historical and fossil record of them ever existing there in the first place.
As the Irish traveled along the countryside at autumn harvest time looking for work picking crops, they were frequently met with signs that said Christians need not apply.
Yeah, those storefront window signs regarding job applications sure were discriminatory in the 4th century.
Posted by: VoiceOfReason | October 31, 2009 5:01 PM
As unbelievably hilarious as Ms. Daniels' inane rantings are, they still point to a huge problem. Although HER sheer mania may not be a problem, if she can convince weak-minded, superstitious, and ignorant people that her "Laws of Demon-dynamics" are true THEN the very security of our nation is at risk.
Solution: Atheists of the world must unite and educate the Children of God. Because that's all that they are: dangerously naive children.
Posted by: SirBedevere | October 31, 2009 5:27 PM
The Google cached page contains a link to the original article:
http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/prophetic-insight/23723-the-danger-of-celebrating-halloween
...but I couldn't resist getting a screen-grab of the CBN page. Anyone who'd like a copy just pipe up!
Posted by: Greg Laden
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October 31, 2009 6:01 PM
It is possible that the original column was taken down.
Posted by: Greg Laden
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October 31, 2009 6:20 PM
I found the cached version and posted it:
http://scienceblogs.com/gregladen
Posted by: Greg Laden
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October 31, 2009 6:22 PM
or here:
http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:tpp4ipDgs2IJ:www.cbn.com/spirituallife/onlinediscipleship/halloween/halloween_danger_daniels.aspx+:the+candy+sold+during+this+season+has+been+dedicated+and+prayed+over+by+witches:&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a
Posted by: Jeff Eyges | October 31, 2009 6:26 PM
When I was a child in Hebrew School, in our suburban, conservative synagogue, one of our teachers told us that Halloween commemorated a holiday on which Romans would dress up and either make fun of or try to frighten Jews. I have no idea where he got that.
Posted by: The Countess
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October 31, 2009 6:37 PM
That has to be the most batshit crazy article I've read in ages. The stupid woman doesn't even get Halloween right! It's akin to Memorial Day, and it has nothing to do with witches cursing Nestle's Crunch bars so that the little Christian precious snowflakes eat them and then imitate Linda Blair in "The Exorcist".
What gets me is that these fundy Christians whargarrbl about bias, discrimination, oppression, and hate speech when ANYONE criticizes Christianity, but they sure don't have a problem bashing and misrepresenting another religion, in this case, Wicca. What's good for the goose ain't good for the gander.
I made some candy sugar skulls for Day Of The Dead tomorrow. I wonder how the Catholic Church would feel about that holiday, considering it's ... Catholic? LOL! I also have out my "Scream" and "Halloween" snow globes and my terra cotta carved pumpkins. And my candy corn candles.
Watching "The Haunting" and "The Abominable Doctor Phibes" today. Gonna enjoy Halloween, and feh to the Christian busybody hatemongers who bash it.
Posted by: Wowbagger | October 31, 2009 6:51 PM
What the FUCK!?!
Posted by: MAJeff, OM
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October 31, 2009 6:58 PM
Don'tcha just hate it when Jesus is stricken from the hopeful mouths of children?
I'm sure there are plenty of priests willing to stand in Jesus' place.
Posted by: BoxNDox
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October 31, 2009 7:13 PM
My son and I are going to see The Tiger Lillies Halloween Concert tonight. (If you don't know them you really should look them up - they refer to their musical style as "satanic folk".)
Too bad 'ol Kimberly won't be there. Five minutes listening to Martin Jacques, aka "The Criminal Castrati", and I'm sure her head would explode.
Posted by: Rod Joyce | October 31, 2009 7:54 PM
We are a godless lot in the UK. Greggs the bakers, an institution in my adopted home town Newcastle upon Tyne, noted for their Halloween specials, have been extending their tentacles into less-favoured parts of England for some years. The company invited three Wiccans to their Manchester plant to bless this year's range.
http://www.badwitch.co.uk/2009/10/bakers-coven.html
Hark! Is that a fundamentalist brain I hear exploding way over yonder in the US?
Posted by: Stanton
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October 31, 2009 8:01 PM
No, it's a cat with bad flatulence.Please realize that it is very hard for a fundamentalist's brain to explode, given as how what pitiful amount is left in the typical fundamentalist's brainpan is capable of, at very best, a light fizzle.
Posted by: raven | October 31, 2009 8:24 PM
From the same place that Kimberly Daniels got her stories, I'm sure.
Posted by: bc23.5
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October 31, 2009 10:28 PM
From the CBN article
Like easter and christmas?
Posted by: DLC
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October 31, 2009 11:06 PM
Holy crap.
what is it with the wasps at CBN and their Celt-bashing?
What, is it gonna be 1851 again and will stores put up "NO IRISH" signs ?
Samhain is just the Celtic new year.
Go have a pint or two and leave off.
Damn fish-worshiping Morons.
Now I've got to get back to consorting with demons and putting some more evil Sin-Mojo on candy.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085636/
Posted by: weaponsofmassdeception
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October 31, 2009 11:36 PM
Let's see how long I last as a member of 'Faithbook', from Kimberly Daniels' website.
http://www.newfaithbook.com/profile.php?user=SatansSpawn
Note - I was the 777th member to sign up!!! GLORY!
Posted by: fcaccin | November 1, 2009 6:04 AM
MaJeff @ 91:
Automatic thread win.
Posted by: truthspeaker
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November 1, 2009 3:39 PM
I'm sure she just means "demons" as a metaphor for an indescribable transcendence.
Posted by: James F. McGrath | November 1, 2009 10:05 PM
I thought you might enjoy this Onionesque attempt at satire, offering a perspective from the news of 30 years from now about the consequences of Robertson's call to action... :)
http://exploringourmatrix.blogspot.com/2009/10/news-from-future-pat-robertsonn-blamed.html
Posted by: John Morales | November 1, 2009 10:17 PM
James @101, nice!
Posted by: Nate Peele | November 1, 2009 11:38 PM
Hey folks, thank you for all the visits. I appreciate it, but I swear on the flying spaghetti monster that outside of a few posts on Michelle Rhee, my blog is pretty much 99.9% satire. I made up the Jack O'Lantern story and was very disappointed to find out that Minion wasn't a crazy fundamentalist buying the story. I learned very shortly after I started my blog that something called Poe's Law applied. It definitely does for Halloween stories.
Nate Peele
www.thatsrightnate.com
Posted by: Rental Property Chicago | November 2, 2009 2:19 AM
Maybe true, maybe not. But anything that is scary in nature - i don't let my children have anything to do with it. But "it's trick and treat", you say, it's just all fun... well, maybe we can think of something else that is funny & soothing & enjoyable to do as a family during that day...
Posted by: Vanessa | November 2, 2009 4:27 PM
So, let's just make the ridiculous assumption that demons are real and that witches-whoever she means-worship them. Are they intending to curse only the candy buyers then as "demons cannot tell the difference"? Why would you curse people who buy your products? Or do the demons make you want more candy? Is that why I've been wanting a Butterfinger all afternoon? Damn demons.
The fact that there are people who will believe this scares me more than any candy-cursing witches and their illiterate demon minions.