…and this is a 
Ouch. What a painful piece of right-wing kitsch.
I had no idea that Jesus personally delivered the Constitution, or that it was a religious document.
If you go to the site hosting this…thing, you can mouse around and it will spell out the symbology behind all those figures. I rather like the professor; he's the one on the far right, near the shadowy figure, Satan.
He tightly holds his "Origin of Species" book by Charles Darwin. This represents the liberal lefts control of our educational system. His smug expression describes the attitude of many of the educational elite. There is no room for God in education. There is contempt for any other viewpoints. Humanism dominates the educational system of America and I believe that is wrong. Notice that he is the only one sitting on the top step. He tries to place himself on an equal footing with God, but he is still nothing next to the intelligence of the Creator.
There's that smug thing again. It's hard not to be smug when you see this kind of ham-handed kitsch, you know.
Comments
Posted by: lesathscorpii
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October 6, 2009 6:01 PM
Hey PZ
In your post about the Alpha course did you include this poll?
http://uk.alpha.org/
Posted by: skeetar
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October 6, 2009 6:01 PM
Holy fuck that is insane.
Posted by: johnb300m
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October 6, 2009 6:03 PM
Wow, when will it ever stop!?
Posted by: Owlmirror
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October 6, 2009 6:03 PM
The Bill of Rights was added by Satan!
TRUFAX!
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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October 6, 2009 6:06 PM
as an artist, I feel the urgent need to either apologize profoundly in the name of all artists, or alternatively declare this to be No True
ScotsmanArt.Posted by: maggotpunk
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October 6, 2009 6:07 PM
So the Constitution wasn't even written by Americans? Some Middle Eastern Jew in a dress wrote it?
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 6:08 PM
Is this one of those magnificent works art that moderate defenders say we have religion to thank for?
Posted by: DamnYankees
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October 6, 2009 6:15 PM
Notice who is absent?
No FDR.
No black person post Civil War. That means no Martin Luther King, no Malcom X, no Jackie Robinson. Not even Barack Obama.
Posted by: Teddydeedodu
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October 6, 2009 6:15 PM
Gawd, these conservative right-wing idiots are real fuck-wits. How the hell does anyone remain a conservative in this time and age?
Oh...yeahh...I guess..could be because of that BLACK president.
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 6:16 PM
Thanks to this schlub, the Overton window has just shifted and Thomas Kinkade no longer sucks donkey balls. Armageddon is nigh!
Posted by: Newfie
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October 6, 2009 6:19 PM
Shouldn't Satan be off burying dinosaur bones to test our faith in Jeebus?
Posted by: esrz22
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October 6, 2009 6:19 PM
Did you see David Willis' version? It's pretty good.
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 6, 2009 6:20 PM
Run your mouse over the child in the mother's arms. Gee, I wonder what mother the artist is alluding to? (Palin, if it isn't clear.)
This is the most politically dissonant religious art I've seen. Reagan and JFK both to the left of Jesus? John Jay praised and the anonymous Supreme Court Judge scorned?
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 6:20 PM
Middle eastern Jews were apparently a race of giants. Or maybe just Jesus had a glandular or hormonal problem. Jesus' peeps included a lighting crew for the back-lit effect.
Posted by: BlueIndependent
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October 6, 2009 6:20 PM
Images like that should make anyone who cares about the Enlightenment wretch instinctively. I remember walking into a small home decor business last year. I was looking for a few things to hang on my walls. What I couldn't tell from the outside was what became patently obvious once I crossed the threshhold: That it was an ahistorical nightmare full of Washington-kneeling-in-the-woods-before-god insanity, Joseph Smith Mormon revisionism, and a continuing array of anti-intellectual stupidity represented by imagery that passed itself off as historical when it was the very opposite. I think I spent all of 60 seconds in the place before leaving.
Posted by: pdferguson
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October 6, 2009 6:21 PM
It's kinda hard to tell from the web site, but I'd be willing to bet that was done on black velvet. All that's missing are several dogs playing poker...
Posted by: eNeMeE
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October 6, 2009 6:25 PM
Interesting how the professor is in trouble for being on the top step, but the kid is fine right beside Jesus.
Posted by: Cappy
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October 6, 2009 6:27 PM
Another White Hippie Jesus...
I was surprised to see Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin (the old fornicator) up there. Of course, Liberals are considered godless and un-patriotic by definition. Oh well, I guess I better prepare for the coming pogroms.
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 6:27 PM
Local mormon propaganda has been urging people to decorate their homes with more LDS art. I suspect a new money-making scheme. I'll look into this some more, but in the meantime, one can enjoy this:
http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,8555-1-4779-1,00.htmlPosted by: Bob L
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October 6, 2009 6:28 PM
If it wasn't for the effort involved making that I would call poe. Heck he has Tomas "the original diets" Jefferson standing next to Jesus. This is hilarious.
But were to begin on the kitsch; The devoid of personality presidents or the god awful Ronald Regan or the over the top piety, or the whole childish told-you-so sneering at the liberal elites? This is really a banquet of bad taste. I think the smug sneering is the best part; no compassion or empathy to be found in McNaught's view of Christianity. It is the religion of loves to be right.
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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October 6, 2009 6:29 PM
apparently, 1st Century Middle Eastern Jews were closely related to the Vikings.
Which would mean that the minnesota runestone is proof that the mormons were right and jesus did come to america
Posted by: Unaspammer
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October 6, 2009 6:30 PM
"No black person post Civil War. That means no Martin Luther King, no Malcom X, no Jackie Robinson. Not even Barack Obama."
If you mouse over the "modern American soldier" on the right, it explains that the name "King" on the soldier's body armor is a tribute to Martin Luther King.
Yes, that's right. They praise Martin Luther King by putting his name on a [b]soldier[/b]. Why they didn't just draw him into the picture like everybody else (Davy Crocket???) if they wanted to pay him a tribute is beyond me.
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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October 6, 2009 6:33 PM
one of these days i'll decide whether i want to stick to lowercase writing only, or actually capitalize where I'm supposed to; and then I'll stick to one or the other. promise.
Posted by: MikeM
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October 6, 2009 6:34 PM
Oh, darn, I think we crashed their server.
Oh well, refer to #12, above. That one's funnier anyway.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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October 6, 2009 6:36 PM
I think this Jesus looks uncannily like that dude who plays Jesse on Mr. Deity. After a year of no haircuts.
Posted by: Thomas
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October 6, 2009 6:36 PM
I agree its a little weird seeing Jesus hold the Constitution, but I’d have to say I agree with the other depictions of each character, especially the "smug" comment. Many in our educational system have that type of demeanor that they know it all....
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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October 6, 2009 6:39 PM
...when of course it's Joe Sixpack on the street whose opinions are better supported.
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 6:40 PM
And how's White Christian America supposed to put this up in their home if it's got all kinds of uppity Coloureds* on it? I mean, guests could see that and, well, I don't even want to imagine what they'd think.
*Two is fine, as long as they're far enough away from each other that they don't start rapping.
Posted by: timpanogos.wordpress.com
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October 6, 2009 6:42 PM
It's worse than you described it, P.Z.
1. "Thomas Payne?" It's spelled Paine, and he was an atheist, not Christian by any stretch. Franklin took flack for inviting him to come home from France, Jefferson took flack for letting him in. Dedicated atheist.
2. Ben Franklin -- dedicated deist; not opposed to Christianity, but certainly not Christian, at least, not by his own description.
3. Abraham Lincoln -- knew the Bible better than these guys, but because this knowledge helped him win cases on the circuit in Illinois. In 1846 he put out a campaign flyer noting that he'd never studied Christianity, was not raised Christian, and was never baptized.
4. Thomas Jefferson -- See Franklin and Lincoln. Disbelieved in all miracles; took scissors to the New Testament, removing mention of miracles and supernatural, and pronounced the remainder, without religion, to be good philosophy.
5, 6, and 7. The Adamses, John, Abigail, and John Quincy -- All switched to the Unitarian Church.
8. George Washington? He struck the name "Jesus" from his speeches and proclamations. Dedicated Mason (he laid the cornerstone of the U.S. Capitol wearing the Mason's apron made for him by Lafayette's wife; he refused Christian communion his entire adult life.
The poor college kid has one of Cleon Skousen's books in his hand. Poor sucker. Probably a BYU student who had it thrust on him -- and he's not going to read it.
Posted by: Cappy
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October 6, 2009 6:43 PM
esrz22 @ #12
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting that link. Otherwise I would have been drag-assed depressed the rest of the night from going to the original and looking through it's mind-numbing view of America.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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October 6, 2009 6:43 PM
I like how the Supreme Court
ActivistJustice is weeping over specific cases the artist doesn't care for.Posted by: deep
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October 6, 2009 6:43 PM
Does sticking Thomas Paine in there not set off any irony meters? At least he wasn't left out like in most revisionist history, but I guess being doomed to watching jesus hand down the constitution from the back near all the African Americans and Davy Crockett is punishment enough for his freethinking ways.
Posted by: akshelby
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October 6, 2009 6:48 PM
Did you hover over the immigrant in the lower left?
"I wanted him to have a look of shock when he realizes where America's greatness comes from as he sees Christ holding the Constitution. We live in a country are free to worship as we please." says the artist.
Or at least until the US becomes a theocracy under these people..
Posted by: Bob L
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October 6, 2009 6:48 PM
Oh this gets better, he has tags on the picture in case you don't get the message (or the right one). What an utter loser of an artist.
Posted by: The Science Pundit
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October 6, 2009 6:49 PM
I guess Satan needs no explanation (nor the business woman for that matter).
Thanks esrz22 for the David Willis version: hilarious!
@Newfie
Yes he should!
Posted by: bunnycatcher
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October 6, 2009 6:49 PM
Ok,I give- which one is Jack Chick?
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 6:49 PM
How odd. Do right-wing Christians in high school complain when the other football team beats them through greater dedication, more practice, better teamwork, and superior playing?
I put a lot of effort into learning what I know. If you think I'm going to be deferential to the opinion of Joe Sixpack who spends his time polishing off six packs and watching NASCAR, you can move to Cuba with the rest of the communists, hippie.
Posted by: Wowbagger, Man-Hating Man of Pharyngula
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October 6, 2009 6:51 PM
Because, you know, the bible is filled with examples of democracy in action, and as soon as Christ's word was spread, the old concepts of monarchy and dictatorship melted away all over the world.
What do you mean they didn't?!?
Heck, the majority of European history (Divine Right of Kings, anyone?) between the supposed life of the alleged messiah and the enlightenment is a perfect illustration of how Christianity is far more suited to oppose democracy and the kind of rights the US constitution confers than it is to support it.
In order for Christian to claim ownership of democracy they have to explain why, if that's the case, it took so long for it to catch on - including only allowing women to vote from the early part of the 20th century - or, alternatively, provide evidence that either God or Jesus did something more recently to encourage such a political movement.
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 6:52 PM
As far as I can tell, Walter Rane is the current darling of mormon/christian art.
http://www.walterrane.com/about.htmlHere's Rane's painting of Joseph Smith: http://www.walterrane.com/TheDesiresOfMyHeart.html
And here's a scene from Alma, Book of Mormon
http://www.walterrane.com/AlmaArise.html
Posted by: arrakis
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October 6, 2009 6:56 PM
I'm glad I haven't eaten dinner yet...I would have lost it.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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October 6, 2009 6:56 PM
That painting reminds me of Soviet realism art.
Here's another example.
Posted by: raven
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October 6, 2009 7:02 PM
NO!!! This is an example of that incredibly sophisticated, modern theology
made upunderstood by modern xian scholars that someone like you, blinded by satan and a high school diploma, couldn't possibly understand.Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 6, 2009 7:05 PM
If Jesus handed the U.S. its constitution, then Jesus has to take responsibility for slavery.
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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October 6, 2009 7:09 PM
Jesus is such a drama queen.
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 7:09 PM
Glenn Beck has been touting Skousen for months, urging his listeners to read Skousen's books, and using Skousen as inspiration for the 9/12 gathering in Washington D.C. For an excellent summary of "The Legacy Of The Late, Latter-Day Looney Cleon Skousen" by Steve Benson see http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_stevebenson_section3.html Money-making, yeah! http://newsformormons.com/2009/03/21/glenn-becks-backing-bumps-skousen-book-to-top/ Political power, yeah! http://utahpolicy.com/featured_article/the-skousen-admiration-clubPosted by: raven
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October 6, 2009 7:13 PM
That is god and jesus who run around buying the fossils, according to that sophisticated modern fundie xian theology. Satan doesn't have much in the way of real power or influence since the trinity are the only ones who actually have any volition.
God does that to make you think the earth is 4.6 billion years old. If you do, then you got to hell forever. This is because god loves you enough to fool you into going to hell. More sophisticated fundie xian theology.
Posted by: Fred The Hun
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October 6, 2009 7:14 PM
Brownian @ 37,
I thought you had written 'superior praying'.
Posted by: Insightful Ape
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October 6, 2009 7:14 PM
Boy. It must really, really suck to be these cranks.
Which is just fine.
Posted by: Sastra
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October 6, 2009 7:15 PM
Okay -- they just lost the Argument From Beauty. That particular argument for the existence of God ran into the atheist's Argument from Pain and Suffering against the existence of God, and lost.
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 7:16 PM
'Tis @41: I had the same thought. Soviet Realism for sure. Same fervor, same stilted formality, same inclusion of cult images.
Posted by: Roger
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October 6, 2009 7:21 PM
I don't think there was any Prada in 1st Century Palestine.
Posted by: lordshipmayhem
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October 6, 2009 7:22 PM
At least they included ONE hockey player. Granted, Miroslav Satan can't hold a candle to Rocket Richard, but the list of those who could is very short.
:P
Posted by: Thomas
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October 6, 2009 7:23 PM
@37
"I put a lot of effort into learning what I know"
You’re not the only one, many of us do...I personally take pride in obtaining as much knowledge as possible.
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 6, 2009 7:30 PM
Bwahahahaha! The spoof site (#12 linked to by esrz22) has teh best caption for the Tree of Life on Jebuz's frock.
Posted by: thinkerspodium.wordpress.com
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October 6, 2009 7:32 PM
Ahh. "The Tree of Life". And here I was thinking Founding Father Jesus was a soldier of Gondor.
Posted by: pixelfish
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October 6, 2009 7:34 PM
As I noted to my friend, when she first link me to this picture, I had no idea that Jesus was descended from the line of Aragorn, son of Arathorn, scion of the kings of Gondor, but he seems to have a tree of Gondor on his chest.
As for why they put MLK's name on the soldier, but not MLK himself, if you read further it looks like there was some copyright issue and he was forced to remove MLK. (ie. MLK's family took a look at this piece of well-gilded, well-rendered shit and said, "Hell no!")
I love how the pregnant lady looking hopefully at the handicapped baby is ginormously obviously pregnant, and how it's practically implied that she would have no choice but to have an abortion should the evil libruls run rampant. Whee, strawman abortion policy!
And of course, the awestruck immigrant amazed by the Jeebus glow. Anyone else marvel at the small tribal-mindedness of a person whose painted deity would obsess about a single nation? Dude, it's almost as if they don't really believe in the concept of a loving god, but see a paternalist asshole who favours some kids over others.
Posted by: AJ Milne OM
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October 6, 2009 7:35 PM
I dunno... I think he may have accidentally got the WWI soldier almost right, actually...
I mean, his pose and expression sorta say to me: 'Okay, you fucking morons... I just staggered through the blood and mud and gas and shrapnel of a mangled mess of a continent and a brutal, mindless meatgrinder of a war run and misrun by a motley crew of inbred congenital morons, many of whom who were and are still insisting they were placed on their thrones by some deity or another... So can you wannabe theocrats pining yet again to be made slaves to such careless fools please get that fucking airheaded playacting monstrosity of a god-king off the stage and gimme my constitution back, please and thanks?'
Posted by: pixelfish
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October 6, 2009 7:38 PM
Thinkerspodium: Great minds think alike!
Posted by: jcollum.myopenid.com
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October 6, 2009 7:40 PM
Wow, it's like a car wreck. With 2 clown cars. One the one hand, very serious, because of the car wreck. On the other, man did you see all those burning clown noses?
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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October 6, 2009 7:40 PM
esrz22,
Where did you find Willis' (READ SHORTPACKED!) parody? I'm not the most diligent reader of his blog, so I guess it's no surprise I've missed it.
Incidentally, I think people here will enjoy his recent wedding.
Posted by: Mr_Cool_Ice
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October 6, 2009 7:42 PM
I've been looking for half an hour now and I still can't find Waldo!
Oh, wait, nevermind... *there* he is. Here's the solution for anyone who is frustrated:
http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/9485/whereswaldo.png
Posted by: MikeTheInfidel
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October 6, 2009 7:44 PM
Yes, and the little boy, the soldiers, the presidents, etc. are standing with Jesus. Hmm.
Posted by: Pygmy Loris
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October 6, 2009 7:46 PM
Wow! That's some amazing, involved crap. Every time I think the crazies can't do something crazier, they show me how wrong I am.
If god gave us the Constitution and he loves everyone equally, how come he said some people are only 3/5ths as human as other people?
Posted by: Larry
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October 6, 2009 7:48 PM
Imagine what this would look like painted onto velvet and illuminated by blacklight!
Dogs playin' poker, watch out!
Posted by: Abdul Alhazred
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October 6, 2009 7:48 PM
See what heresy so-called Christians get up to when they follow in the footsteps of men who rebelled against their God-appointed sovereign.
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 7:49 PM
Well, such a deity is well supported in the Old Testament. Funny how those early biblical authors spelled the nation's name wrong: they kept changing 'USA' to 'Israel'.
Posted by: Bobber
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October 6, 2009 8:05 PM
What a pile of vomit-inducing, historically-ignorant, Christian-nationalist propaganda. I'm too pissed off to even write a coherent response. Nausea... too... great...
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 8:05 PM
There's not enough pot in the world for that.
Posted by: greymav
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October 6, 2009 8:06 PM
I'm glad that I'm not the only one who thought that he nicked the tree from Tolkien.
Posted by: Gorobei
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October 6, 2009 8:08 PM
I like it. It falls into the grand tradition of allegorical art, and is little more jarring than anything by Hieronymus Bosch.
Posted by: NewEnglandBob
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October 6, 2009 8:09 PM
The fuckwads of the right have truly gone insane. Whoever put up that web site needs to be hospitalized.
Posted by: MikeTheInfidel
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October 6, 2009 8:11 PM
I find THIS bit especially funny:
......Wow. He does not know Mr. Paine very well.
"Of all the systems of religion that ever were invented, there is no more derogatory to the Almighty, more unedifying to man, more repugnant to reason, and more contradictory to itself than this thing called Christianity."
--Thomas Paine
Posted by: pixelfish
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October 6, 2009 8:17 PM
Brownian: It's true that the OT deity is a nasty arsewipe with xenophobia. But Twoo Chwistians eschew that for the kinder, gentler Jesus, who in theory brought a higher law. (Or so I was taught as a wee tyke.)
Anyway, I always thought the fetishizing of the US by Mormons and other American-rooted religions seemed bizarre and something folks would have to eventually retcon to reconcile with foreign converts.
Posted by: thecooper.wordpress.com
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October 6, 2009 8:23 PM
Check out the US Marine:
"The military carefully fold the flag thirteen times and the last fold which shows the stars represents, "In God We Trust". This goes all they way back to George Washington."
WHAT?
Posted by: Knockgoats
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October 6, 2009 8:24 PM
He really is an amazingly bad artist, apart from anything else - unless he actually tried to make Reagan look nothing like the real thing. Notice the lie about the Civil War being the only one in which American fought American and brothers were divided - this of course happened in the Revolutionary War.
Posted by: Victor
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October 6, 2009 8:24 PM
My first thought was, wow, how could anyone be that tacky and still live. Then I noticed he was Mormon, so tacky juvenile patriotism based on cartoon stereotypes of historical figures is par for the course.
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 6, 2009 8:29 PM
Thinkerspodium, Pixelfish, greymav, you weren't kidding about the Tree of Life looking just like the Tree of Gondor. I see Willis was not too far off from reality, either:
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler
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October 6, 2009 8:34 PM
The only misspelled name I've caught so far is, of course, that of Frederick Douglass.
The only one pictured whom I would imagine might conceivably want to be part of that scene is Ronald Reagan.
And where is ELVIS?!?
[OT: Did anybody else just experience a Movable Type fart over the last 10 minutes or so?]
Posted by: charlied
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October 6, 2009 8:36 PM
I'm always amazed at the brazen appropriation of people who held almost diametrically opposing views by people who smugly proclaim that they want "to set the record straight". The first five Presidents of the United States were not Christians but were Deists. Jefferson not only wrote the Declaration of Independence but took a razor to the new testament to remove the miracles and second hand theology to create the Jefferson Bible; a slim volume indeed.
And to have Tom Paine standing there completely demolished the irony meter. The artist obviously never read The Age of Reason. "to set the record straight" you would have to have more than a elementary school understanding of American history. (which is perhaps being unkind to elementary school students)
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 8:37 PM
The reference to Skousen, plus the wording in the description of the mother gesturing toward her son (the boy going up to touch the constitution), raised some red flags. Sure enough, this artist, Jon McNaughton, is a mormon:
http://www.lordsart.com/troflibyjonm1.htmlIf you google Jon McNaughton + mormon you'll find several references to McNaughton's appearance at various mormon functions, including at The Foundation for Indigenous Research and Mormonism. McNaughton is listed as a speaker on "One Nation under God" at 3:00 PM on October 2nd, 2009, "National Book of Mormon Prophecies", a 2-day conference in Midway, Utah. http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs022/1102686658457/archive/1102694815728.html
There are a lot more speaking and art-related appearances at mormon functions, but this is enough to give you an idea of what is going on here.
Posted by: Noni Mausa
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October 6, 2009 8:43 PM
Frankly, this thing should offend the spiritually active eye worse than the hardy Pharyngulites. For instance:
"...The problem, of course, is in the formation of artistic taste... but in all events, it should be possible for most of us still in our right minds to agree that there is a certain type of "holy" picture that is genuinely unholy because, if one shrugs off his mental bad habits and really looks at the thing, it will be seen to be in reality a monstrous caricature... I am not now speaking of modern art... but of the widely accepted sentimental and pseudo-realistic presentation of the Lord and his saints which is, in fact, both shocking and absurd and which sometimes plumbs the very depths of hideous vulgarity..."
Thomas Merton, "Disputed Questions" copyright 1960.
So hey! this thing is nothing new, it was just waiting for html tags to come along.
Noni
token deist
.
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 8:44 PM
If anyone wants to meet the artist, Jon McNaughton will be appearing at the "Book of Mormon Prophecies Conference" in Mesa, Arizona on October 16-17. The conference is held at One MacDonald Center. Here's a partial description:
If you miss McNaughton in Arizona, you can catch him in St. George, Utah on October 23-24. http://www.bookofmormonevidence.org/page.php?page=seminars
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 8:56 PM
From the people who brought you temples that look like giant bowling trophies...
There's a Mormon temple not far from me. One day I crept close enough to inspect the golden statue of Moroni on top and noticed for the first time a small brass plaque with the words "League Champions, 1830" underneath. Probably some Lost Tribe variant of Hebrew.
Posted by: hje
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October 6, 2009 8:57 PM
"the first page is just a collection of English words with their own translation. But the rest of the book...the rest of the book—It's a cookbook!"
Posted by: Newfie
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October 6, 2009 9:02 PM
wait! Tolkien horked the tree from Joseph Smith??
Posted by: esrz22
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October 6, 2009 9:07 PM
Sili @ #60 Either IRC or a forum we both frequent--I forget which was first.
Posted by: raven
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October 6, 2009 9:14 PM
Well that explains a little. IIRC, mormons believe the US constitution was divinely inspired by god or jesus or both.
This is the same group that tried to set up their own country in the Utah region called Zion or Deseret or something. That almost fought a war with the US army over it. And that to this day has a US army base, Fort Douglas, above SLC, with its guns pointed down at the city. Just in case.
Posted by: BlueIndependent
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October 6, 2009 9:16 PM
"Does sticking Thomas Paine in there not set off any irony meters?..."
It does for me. The last time I brought up Paine and Franklin in a discussion with a fundagelical winger, he practically denounced Paine as an insane rabble rouser, and Franklin as little more than a curious tinkerer whose entire credibility hinged on his selection of the native species of turkey for the national bird. In short, he thought both men were a fair bit less than noteworthy in the annals of American history, an opinion that to me seems to imply the "pervasive liberal secularism in education" claim I'm certain he accepted hook line and sinker. The kool-aid process was complete.
To see these guys now trying to co-opt those same men to me is a very thin attempt to revise yet more history and their own position to seem moderate while advocating very anti-moderate positions. It's like everything they do. Tey launch all these little campaigns in an attempt to whitewash things they think the rest of the public is believing very errantly. It's like Conservepedia, the conservative bible, David Barton historical revisionism, and any similar example you can point to. It's about having the lie last long enough to grab a few idiots. I think deep down they're not actually serious, but they'll invest the time and effort if they think there's an opportunity to insert bullshit and have it stick.
Posted by: pixelfish
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October 6, 2009 9:17 PM
Newfie@85: Naw, Tolkein was merely the chronicler and translator for races of the Second Age and Third Ages, whereas Man doesn't really come to dominance until the later parts of the Third Age.
Fun unknown facts about Tolkein: He had a beatup felt derby he'd look into while translating the lost works of Numenor.
Posted by: devnull73.myopenid.com
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October 6, 2009 9:17 PM
Well, they got something right.....
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 9:23 PM
When you mouse over the "college student" in the painting, the description includes: "....He is holding some books under his arm. This book on the top is I believe the most important book written of why America is so great and how it has influenced the world. It’s called “The Five Thousand Year Leap” by Cleon Skousen...."
Steve Benson (grandson of Ezra Taft Benson, former Prophet/Seer/Revelator, deceased] wrote this on January 21, 2006
As far as I can tell, at least some members of the church, notably Glenn Beck, are back in love with Skousen. Beck pushed one of Skousen's books so hard that it took the number one spot on Amazon.
Posted by: Victor
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October 6, 2009 9:24 PM
This is a good (as in horrible) visualization of the type of tripe Glenn Beck (also a Mormon) is feeding into the heads of the Tea Baggers and shouters on a nightly basis. Were do we even start?
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 6, 2009 9:29 PM
Let me guess, the lost works of Numenor were embedded on plates of gold?Posted by: RamblinDude
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October 6, 2009 9:32 PM
Jesus is a lobbyist for the nuclear power industry?
Posted by: mas528
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October 6, 2009 9:33 PM
Artists that have to explain their work are not worth being called artists.
To explain the simple-minded pseudo-symbolism in this piece is just laughable.
A title, a caption should be enough.
This fruity hovering business is pathetic.
An artist with a blatant, heavy handed message. The only words that fit are, "how banal".
It does live up to one aspect of art. It is artificial.
Posted by: Tad Pohl
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October 6, 2009 9:36 PM
I thought you might enjoy this painting-
http://fineartamerica.com/featured/blue-rose-james-westin.html
Posted by: pixelfish
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October 6, 2009 9:44 PM
aratina cage@93: Close. Tablets of mithril, actually, and carefully crafted by dwarven scholars. But when Tolkein was asked to produce these tablets, he said a high elf had taken them back under the mountain and deposited them in a room full of similar tablets.
And then he produced a letter about a salamander....I mean, a dragon.
Posted by: DrivenB4U
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October 6, 2009 9:50 PM
Well, it is a very impressive work. The detail is very cool. Too bad the message behind the method is total shit.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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October 6, 2009 9:50 PM
wait, wait; it's like this:
http://www.iwondr.com/files/pictures/sgt-pepper.jpg
or, no...this:
http://www.amiright.com/album-covers/images/album-The-Mothers-of-Invention-Were-Only-in-It-for-the-Money.jpg
Posted by: Rey Fox, Bird Caller Guy
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October 6, 2009 9:50 PM
"Fifty stars shine in the sky representing the states of the Union - some stars shine brighter than others."
Oh, how ever so precious. *gag*
The brightest star, of course, is Nevada. Can't argue with those kilowatt-hours.
Posted by: Creature of the Universe
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October 6, 2009 9:56 PM
HA! What an outstandingly ugly painting! Looks like jehovah witness pamphlet art.
It's so damn dark and gloomy. And everyone looks a touch depressed for such a 'glorious' symbolic representation. (the only ones who seem happy are the enlightened professor, Mr. Hollywood and the lawyer guy.)
The painting should be donated to the Museum of Bad Art.
http://www.museumofbadart.org/index.php
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 9:57 PM
Here's Skousen on rock and roll music:
The quote is from Skousen's preface to a book called "Rock 'N' Reality: Mirrors of Rock Music -- Its Relationship to Sex, dRugs, Family & Religion" by mormon author and BYU graduate E. Lynn Balmforth.Glenn Beck wrote a foreword for a new edition of Skousen's "5000 Year Leap" and blurbed: "I beg you to read this book filled with words of wisdom which I can only describe as divinely inspired. You will find answers to questions plaguing America, and more importantly you will find hope. I know I have!"
From one of the seventy-two 5-star reviews on Amazon: "It would take a man like Glenn Beck to recognize Skousen as a deep and far-seeing historian, but anyone who has seen Beck's show would know that."
From one of the two 1-star reviews on Amazon: "Where did the title use of 'Five Thousand' years come from? from the fundamental view (sans Facts) that the world was 'created' in six thousand years, that we're now in the "Last Days" before Christ's return, etc."
Posted by: spinetingler
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October 6, 2009 9:59 PM
There is no room for God in education. There is contempt for any other viewpoints. Humanism dominates the educational system of America
He says that like it's a bad thing...
Posted by: Jeremy Walker
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October 6, 2009 10:02 PM
You guys are so stupid. America is/was/will be a Christian nation. Why do you think we have "under God" in our motto. You're just lucky that we tolerate your stupidity. Why don't you live with the backward atheist in China or Cuba.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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October 6, 2009 10:05 PM
Ulysses S. Grant?
Nice.
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 6, 2009 10:11 PM
*rolls eyes*@Pixelfish: Mithril? Dang, I should have known. :)
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 10:11 PM
Hey Jeremy: I got a bunch of golden plates right here that say you should have paid more attention in school.
Posted by: iasasai
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October 6, 2009 10:14 PM
Crap, I can't unview that >.
My brain is going to be wounded for a while now...
Posted by: OneHandClapping
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October 6, 2009 10:17 PM
LOL @ Jeremy Walker
Google that name, but not at work...
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble OM4Jesus
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October 6, 2009 10:17 PM
Dear Brother Jeremy Walker @ 104,
Thank you for your constructive critique of atheism. Yours is the sort of witness that Jesus loves!
My friend Floyd Rubber (a new convert) was so impressed with your reasoned argument and exhortation to get "under God", that he wondered whether you'd like to get together with him for a bit of muscular mano-a-mano Christianity.
"Smoggy" he said to me, "Not many Godly men know the good old 'under God' position, but this Jeremy Walker sounds like a man who has been around and put it out. I'll bet he's no tight ass."
So there you go, Jeremy. If an enormous tattooed man should turn up at your door, wearing crucifix nipple rings and leather chaps that say 'Jesus was a fisher of men and so am I", be assured that he means well, and only hopes to "kneel down in prayer" with you (euphemistically speaking).
Yours "under God"
Smoggy
PS You're not same the Jeremy Walker I went to school with are you? If you are, did anyone find your missing testicle?
Posted by: Jeremy Walker
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October 6, 2009 10:19 PM
Only weak pussy like you need school to survive Brownian.I have the strength and love of the Lord on my side. As a construction worker, I'll make more then you godless geeks will ever make.
You don't know what your missing, being blinded by your so-called science which has been repeatedly disproven.
Posted by: dannystevens.myopenid.com
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October 6, 2009 10:19 PM
The Fail, it buuuuuurrnnnssss!
Posted by: Platonika
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October 6, 2009 10:20 PM
Now here is a phenomenal museum! http://www.metmuseum.org/
I went their with my husband and kids when we were in NYC, and it was our favorite art museum ever.
Posted by: Platonika
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October 6, 2009 10:22 PM
Yikes! Bad grammar. I meant "there". I pushed "post" too quickly.
Posted by: Somnolent Aphid
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October 6, 2009 10:22 PM
Art is what you can get away with - a.w.
Posted by: RickR
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October 6, 2009 10:24 PM
"As a construction worker, I'll make more then you godless geeks will ever make."
In this economy? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 6, 2009 10:26 PM
Definitely the gay porn star. Now Jeremy Walker is measuring dicks.Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble OM4Jesus
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October 6, 2009 10:26 PM
Wow Brother Jeremy,
You're a construction worker AND a gay porn star! Way cool, Dude! Do you wear your hard hat when you dance to YMCA?
It's so great you taking on the atheists like this (you hard-living, hard-earning, bloke-humping lump of Christian man meat. I'm with you when it comes to getting rid of science--who needs it when we've got Jesus hugged tight to our hairy manbreasts.
Yours in the love of the Lord
Smoggy
Posted by: waldteufel
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October 6, 2009 10:30 PM
Jeremy,
Please take out a copy of the U.S. Constitution. Get a nice, big piece of paper, and your favorite crayon.
Please write down every place in that Constitution where you find the words "God", "Jesus", "Lord", "Christ", or any other such religious nonsense.
My money says your nice, big piece of paper will end up blank, except, of course, where you drooled on it.
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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October 6, 2009 10:31 PM
Say 'Hi' to the university-trained architects and engineers who tell you where to swing your hammer, fuckbrain.
As a former Christian active in the church, I sure don't miss having to interact with dumber-than-the-hammer-you-carry dipshits like you.
Can you even read well enough to follow the Bible or do you have your site superintendent or foreman jot pictures in the margins of the blueprints? I'm glad you've got so much disposable cash; perhaps you'd like to tell us what Jesus had to say about the rich, hmm?
Dumb shit.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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October 6, 2009 10:31 PM
Mr. Walker--if that is his real name--sez:
Could you be more specific? On both counts?
Posted by: flyonthewall
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October 6, 2009 10:35 PM
wait...jesus was white?
not that there's anything wrong with that....
Posted by: E.V.
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October 6, 2009 10:39 PM
How does anyone disprove anything without science? Jeremy's mentality is smaller than his dick - which is probably no blue ribbon winner. Go easy on him, his latent homosexuality is really bumming him out due to his homophobic religious mania.
Posted by: Rey Fox, Bird Caller Guy
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October 6, 2009 10:48 PM
"It became the prod to promote drugs, the advertiser of sex in the hedonism manner, the mind-conditioner for four-letter gutter speech, and eventually the blatant propaganda funnel for political subversion. It also became the seductive Jezebel for a modern philosophy of no God, of Man as merely a graduate beast of the jungle, of Jesus Christ as a phoney actor--a superstar, of peace and prosperity being possible only under communism, of America as the enemy of the world, of Russia as the hope of the world."
Dr. Hibbert: Surely he's not talking about VH1?
Posted by: PersoninUSNY
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October 6, 2009 10:55 PM
Is it just me, or does anyone else find the demonization of women, children, minorities, and the educated who aren't being mindless and subservient to be the real symbolization of this painting?
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 6, 2009 11:07 PM
Yes. And what is Lincoln doing? Is he welcoming Satan into his arms or something (a kind of homophobic subterfuge)? Or is Lincoln's open-armed kneeling beckoning to the professor? Similarly, is John Adams ushering Satan towards Jesus, or Washington, or Lincoln? Is Alexander Hamilton trying to jump Satan? And who or what is George Washington pledging to?Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble OM4Jesus
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October 6, 2009 11:07 PM
Personally, as a born-again, bible-believing Christian, I think the person this painting most insults is ME!!
It tells the entire world that I and my fellow Christians worship a comic-book God, and that the original squat, hairy, brown-skinned, big-nosed Aramaic Jesus has had so much plastic surgery he looks like some Caucasian hippie NAMBLA member. As for all those semi-articulated corpses in the background, I'd say they'll be finding this artist in Heaven and kicking the fundy crap out of him for foul misrepresentation and making a mockery of a mockery.
You saw it here folks--the death knell of Christianity. Tacky, kitsch, irrelevant and hopelessly out of touch with the rest of the world, the next generation, and anyone with an impulse towards thinking.
Smoggy
Last of the Missionaries
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 11:08 PM
Texas Governor Rick Perry is also a Skousen fan.
http://utahpolicy.com/featured_article/the-skousen-admiration-club
Wonder if McNaughton is a popular artist in Texas? Place your bets.
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 6, 2009 11:24 PM
Well, yes, I agree with you Smoggy. But think how Floyd must feel. I mean, he's the guy who should replace some of those articulated corpses in the background. Floyd, shirtless.... now that would be art.
Posted by: truebutnotuseful
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October 6, 2009 11:25 PM
Jeremy Walker emitted:
Obvious troll is obvious.
*yawn*
Posted by: John Morales
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October 6, 2009 11:39 PM
Wait, "weak pussy"?!
That's an implicit acknowledgment of the existence of strong pussy...
Go Jeremy! ;)
Oh yeah, Jeremy, which one are you?
</average pussy>
Posted by: Anton Mates
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October 6, 2009 11:53 PM
timpanogos,
No no, that's a different guy. Tom Payne blew Paine's ass away in bullet-time before the latter could sign the Declaration of Independence and soil it forever with his unbelieving touch.
Posted by: raven
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October 7, 2009 12:05 AM
Oh gee, we got a live one. A genuine Death Cultist.
The US has always been a secular democracy. And will be until the christofascists destroy it, set up a theocracy, and head on back to the Dark Ages. Which is their announced goal but hasn't happened yet.
You're just lucky that we tolerate your stupidity.
Oh!!! A threat. What will it be Jeremy? Concentration camps. Gas Chambers? Mass Graves? There are 60 million areligious in the USA. There are over 240 million xians, most of whom think you fundie kooks are perverted lunatics and have no interest in a Cambodian style internal genocide.
Actually between 1 and 2 million people leave the xian religion every year and they are down to 76% of the population. In a few decades they will be below 50%. And the xians are badly divided. The sects all hate each other. The artist in question is a Mormon. Most serious xians do not consider them xians.
Don't wait up for your mass genocide. Most likely US xianity will die with a whimper. And it will be homicidal morons like yourself that helped destroy it.
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 7, 2009 12:06 AM
It's pretty awful in that regard, especially the comments you get when you mouse over the "immigrant" and the "professor" -- but some of the rest is not so much demonization as reduction to second-class status. And that second-class status comes slathered with sanctimonious clichés. When you mouse over the "Mother" you get:
This is mormon-speak for keeping women within restricted roles and pretending to elevate them by doing so. It is questionable whether it is even possible for Mormonism to equalize the roles of men and women, because the oppression of women is so integral to the religion. Men and women cannot truly become equal in the church, for the basic tenets of Mormonism are so fraught with sexism that equality would change the religion beyond recognition. -- excerpt from http://www.exmormon.org/mormwomn.htm "The Role of Women in Mormonism" by Jessica LongakerPosted by: NixManes
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October 7, 2009 12:13 AM
Why is it that pictures of Jesus from these folks make him out to be effeminate, very white, with long "hippy" hair, a trimmed beard, and wearing a toga?
If this image is correct, it seems like the right-wingers would be in favor of "don't ask, don't tell," (or maybe a new policy of "do tell!"), start chastizing their male children for cutting their hair too much, force businesses like UPS, Jiffy Lube, and Dominos (that don't allow beards) to let bearded men work there and pay them extra for being role models, and teach that it was a foreshadowing miracle that Jesus had white skin--*very* white skin--even though he was born in the Middle East.
Posted by: raven
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October 7, 2009 12:23 AM
We created a Hi Tech 21st century. What in the hell have you fundies ever, ever done except lie a lot and kill a few MDs?
Your social, reasoning, and intellectual skills are equivalent to a home schooled moron who will never get a high school diploma. Forget the fantasy career as a Taliban or Pol Pot class genocidal maniac. I predict an exciting career in fast food service work or lawn care specialist.
Posted by: bc23.5
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October 7, 2009 12:39 AM
@ #12, thanks for that. Trig Palin!!!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!
Posted by: nothing's sacred
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October 7, 2009 12:44 AM
Why do you think we have "under God" in our motto.
Poor stupid Jeremy seems not to have read the artist's statement.
Posted by: nothing's sacred
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October 7, 2009 12:51 AM
I’d have to say I agree with the other depictions of each character, especially the "smug" comment. Many in our educational system have that type of demeanor that they know it all....
I'd have to say that that you, like the "artist", are a shallow idiot.
Posted by: Grant N
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October 7, 2009 12:54 AM
Blecccchhhh!
I didn't realize that batshit came in so many pastel colors.
Posted by: Bride of Shrek OM
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October 7, 2009 1:10 AM
Lincoln looks like he's just finished singing a show tune.
..and I'm frankly disgusted, neither the pregnant woman NOR the mother with the child have wedding rings on. Jezebels.
Posted by: gyeong-hwa
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October 7, 2009 1:29 AM
Hey! I resent that! lol. :-)
Jeremy, did you intentionally chose a pornstar for your screen name?
Posted by: Lynna, OM
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October 7, 2009 1:43 AM
I think Jeremy chose that name because he has a thing for Smoggy and Floyd.
Posted by: ElitistB
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October 7, 2009 1:48 AM
I really hope these people are also for flag burning, because they are really showing a lot of disrespect for the Constitution.
I wish they had a comment section so some people could post the multitude of anti-religion statements made by many of the founding fathers.
Thomas Jefferson is rolling in his grave.
Posted by: gyeong-hwa
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October 7, 2009 1:58 AM
I would like to note that they show a single pregnant woman as being with Satan. Now if I'm not mistaken "it takes two to tango." So are they saying that the woman is always wrong and regradless of what the guy did he isn't responsible. (Sounds like Saudi Arabia.)
I like to also note that they seem to have a disdain for Justice and Knowledge as well.
Posted by: Aquaria
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October 7, 2009 1:59 AM
It depresses me that I was willing to die to give a douchebag like this the right to inflict us with this crap.
Posted by: shonny
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October 7, 2009 2:05 AM
Ugh, godfuckers inc. at it again.
A bit of photoshopping might straigten out that daft picture, though.
And a hellishly good argument for Blasphemy Day.
Posted by: The effin' bear
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October 7, 2009 2:17 AM
Those fucking professors!!
Fueling America's scientific and technological innovations! Bringing us international prestige, winning wars, curing our ailments! I wish I had one of them with me right now -- I'd strangle 'em!
Posted by: Fil
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October 7, 2009 2:26 AM
I just love the ironic juxtaposition of viewing that piece of totally moronic shite on a machine that was developed by scientific and engineering excellence.
The religious smacktards hate science, but they sure like the toys it produces.
Just to balance out the iconography, here's a link to the trailer of the movie about Darwin, should you have not seen it yet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz2oEayPqNM
The guy who plays Darwin, Paul Bettany, is a particular favourite of mine.
Posted by: Susan
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October 7, 2009 2:26 AM
Gah. This seems to be a painting of an audience stunned and appalled by a really bad revival of Jesus Christ Superstar as adapted by John Ashcraft and Tom Delay. I hope I can sleep tonight.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/.sQzDBt9rfx9wOXl3mC0xsqxNxtj#0ffa2
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October 7, 2009 3:52 AM
But where's Waldo?
Oh, THERE he is!
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/.sQzDBt9rfx9wOXl3mC0xsqxNxtj#0ffa2
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October 7, 2009 3:57 AM
Well, dang, that was weird. I'm having some sort of problem with sign-in.
Again:
.
.
.
.
Hank Fox says:
.
.
But where's Waldo?
Oh, THERE he is!
Posted by: Nemo
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October 7, 2009 4:06 AM
I get it now. I understand what they're doing when they speak of a "return to the Constitution", while advocating policies that are just the opposite. They look at the Constitution the same way as they do the Bible: as a sacred document, but not one they have to actually read, just have interpreted for them by their leaders. The symbol is more important than the content.
Posted by: Anubis Bloodsin the third
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October 7, 2009 4:28 AM
#153
"They look at the Constitution the same way as they do the Bible: as a sacred document, but not one they have to actually read, just have interpreted for them by their leaders. The symbol is more important than the content."
And for those that actually do read this tacky little pamphlet they apparently have the divinely inspired right of changing, ignoring or even lying about biblical scripture that does not suit their subjective prejudice, hatred or intolerance.
Posted by: Cosmic Teapot
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October 7, 2009 4:33 AM
Jeremy Walker
I own my own company, so I bet you don't.
Unless you are the gay porn star.
Posted by: Bride of Shrek OM
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October 7, 2009 4:52 AM
I'm ok with lawyers being represented as hanging with our boy , Satan. It a refreshing change from us being compared to rottweilers and hell, it's for real, all we do is sit around all day counting out the greenbacks.
..what I am a little disturbed about is the generic saintly God-pimpin doctors. My father's a surgeon and he friggin HATES religion. Rorschach would probably be a little pissed to be portayed over that side too.
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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October 7, 2009 6:04 AM
@Jeremy Walker #111: As a construction worker
Wow, a famous porn star and a member of the Village People! No wonder you make so much money.
Posted by: Sean3:16
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October 7, 2009 6:07 AM
Fun question: how would we interpret this if we thought an atheist painted it. Might we entertain that Jesus was taking the constitution away, rather than delivering it? He is, after all, not looking too much in a "sharing" mood.
A lot of stuff wouldn't seem to fit in this interpretation (and a lot of stuff doesn't fit in the obvious one either) but some stuff does. Supreme court justice now crying over the damage down to religion and state, for example. The fourth quadrant now represent the dupes, and the dead are not reverent, but static and powerless.
Doesn't really coherently work, but it raises the question of what we see in a work given the assumptions we bring in.
Posted by: Sean3:16
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October 7, 2009 6:11 AM
correction, fourth quadrant = 3rd quadrant. But the title "one nation under God" could still be a meaningful atheist title.
Posted by: DingoJack
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October 7, 2009 6:17 AM
Why are Lincoln, Washington et al. singing "Swanney" or "De Camptown Races"? Is Jesus auditioning them for his 'Black & White minstrel show extravaganza'*?
I'll take Hell thanks. - DJ
------------------
*Satan must be the producer (bearing in mind the kind of show; no wonder he's staying close to his excellent lawyer)
Posted by: Michelle R
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October 7, 2009 6:29 AM
OW! How dare you make me laugh so hard so early in the morning?
Man this is ridiculous. HAha...
Posted by: Itspiningforthefjords
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October 7, 2009 7:17 AM
First, why isn't his "Jesus" either riding upon an adult or cradling in his other arm a baby dinosaur?
Second, Joan Crawford would've been a bitchin' choice to play Jesus Christ.
Posted by: Itspiningforthefjords
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October 7, 2009 7:33 AM
Re: #151
Bart S. "Man! He's not even trying!"
Posted by: David
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October 7, 2009 7:40 AM
I think this is a Poe. Jesus has the Tree of Gondor on his chest.
Posted by: antaresrichard
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October 7, 2009 8:07 AM
#14
Wait, you haven't seen The Amazing Colossal Jesus at United Nations Building from the early sixties!
Posted by: Anri
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October 7, 2009 8:21 AM
I'm with Sean3:16 on this - what we have here is Jesus giving us a last glance at the Constitution before he snatches it away: "Take a good, long look, America! I'm done with being beaten up by this stupid piece of paper!" (or however that would translate...)
I can just hear Lincoln as he drops to his knee "But, good sir, so many died in defense of this... you cannot merely take it!" Washington is trying to determine if he can protest before the chest pain overwhelms him...
In the corner, a mother worries for her son - "Be careful, Timmy! He's struck down whole cities! Whole countries!" While the boy, trembling, walks forward, "Mr. Jesus, sir? Please let us have out laws back?"
The scene might be a bit different if any of the soldiers had made certain they had their sidearm... even so, some are stepping forward, ready to halt this tragedy regardless of the consequences to themselves...
Maybe that's why the Marine in full dress is hesitating, he's holding the momeorial flag of his squadmate who'd already dared mess with the Lilly-white Ass-Kicking SON OF GAWD!
Then again, maybe I'm taking this joke too far.
Posted by: MorboKat
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October 7, 2009 8:23 AM
I thought Jesus did take responsibility for Slavery. That certainly seemed to be a part of the message in D.W. Griffith's historically accurate Birth of a Nation.
Speaking of dear old Griffith, why isn't he in the painting? His cinematic contributions to the American Entertainment Industry and meticulous commitment to authentic portrayal of American history (especially the part where a giant Jesus gives the KKK a thumbs-up from the sky. We all know that totally happened!) makes him a natural candidate to join these Ranks of the Revered.
Posted by: Steve I
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October 7, 2009 9:17 AM
A, I the only person who finds it interesting that he puts the astronaut on level with Jesus but then calls the professor a fraud? Who does he think developed the knowledge that put Americans in space? The farmer??
Posted by: se-rat-o-SAWR-us
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October 7, 2009 10:00 AM
He tells you—Jesus, who brought forth the U.S. Constitution. Read the "College Student":
Posted by: Holytape
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October 7, 2009 10:00 AM
Why is Bea Athur standing behind James Madison? And where exactly is Jesus standing? The Supreme Court building has a completely different orientation to the capitol that what is shown in the picture. It is as if he is making this up. The historical inaccuracies are unacceptable. WWJP? (What would Jesus paint?)
Left wing kitsch is far more entertaining, and historically accurate.
Posted by: Alyson Miers
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October 7, 2009 10:45 AM
For some reason I'm intrigued at the fact that "Business Woman" has no description. It's like, the artist felt like he had to put at least ONE female (aside from the historical figures like Abigail Adams) whose role is not that of Mother. He's got Mom with handicapped child, he's got Pregnant Woman to stick it to the pro-choicers, and he needs to get just ONE non-mothering woman in there to keep the feminists off his back. So he works Business Woman in there! And he has nothing to say about her!
Shit, it's not even bad enough to be funny. The stupid, it burns!
Posted by: raven
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October 7, 2009 11:13 AM
This could mark the end of US xianity. Jesus is now just a marketing device.
There will be Universal Health Care Jesus. Some guy who gets run over is being lifted into an ambulance while Jesus hands him a UHC card.
Economic Stimulus Jesus.
Financial Industry Regulation Jesus.
Credit Card Company Regulation Jesus. This will, of course, have him driving the money changers who look like business people from the temple of consumer spending.
Conceal and Carry Handgun Jesus. This will be robbers running out of a 7-11 while Jesus hands out Glocks and .45's to onlookers.
New and improved Tide Jesus. Lower cell phone charges Jesus. Coors Light Jesus. Windows Vista Jesus.
With Jesus as a ubiquitous marketing device, we will truly finally be a xian nation.
Posted by: gyeong-hwa
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October 7, 2009 11:17 AM
Can New and Improved Tide Jesus get my darks to not fade after washing them?
Posted by: raven
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October 7, 2009 11:28 AM
Yeah, I know what you mean. That would take a miracle.
Since Jesus is a supernatural agent, you will just have to ask him nicely and hope. Or convert to Dry Cleaning Jesus.
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 7, 2009 11:35 AM
Yieee. That's depressing but expected from a country that gave us the 3/5ths Compromise. So, the first blockbuster in the U.S. was a KKK-loving film from the Dunning School standpoint and "Mr. Hollywood" (Griffith helped form United Artists and develop Paramount) was anything but liberal.Posted by: Natalie
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October 7, 2009 11:45 AM
aratina cage, the horrible yet awesome yet horrible again of Birth of a Nation has to be seen to be believed. It's available through Netflix's on-demand service (if you have that) and probably libraries as well. The movie was incredibly technically advanced, so from what I've heard it's still studied by film students.
Posted by: Cimourdain
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October 7, 2009 11:52 AM
The Professor is a very nice touch. I take it no one needs it explained what the name "Lucifer" means, but "Satan" literally means "the Accuser", so it's quite apposite in that sense too.
Posted by: Peter G.
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October 7, 2009 11:54 AM
Those of you who really appreciate fine art will be pleased to know that a deluxe limited edition version of this piece is available in day glow on velvet with a free bonus blacklight. Just pay separate shipping and handling for the light.
Posted by: Bob L
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October 7, 2009 11:57 AM
Jeremy Walker @ "As a construction worker, I'll make more then you godless geeks will ever make."
Jeremy,
Don't you know that Jesus has taught us threw His favorite disciple Ayn Raynd that God hates union looters like you who steal the hard earned producers like you employer. You will be burning in the fiery pit right next to us Squid worshiping God mocking unbelievers in the hereafter. Christ doesn't want your blood money Jeremy.
Remember; it says right in the 10 Commandments "Thou shall not steal (by joining an union)"
Posted by: neon-elf.myopenid.com
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October 7, 2009 12:56 PM
@ #126
Singing "Mammy" in solidarity with the freed slaves, of course.
(not sure if this ha already been said, haven't finished the thread yet)
Posted by: Tabby Lavalamp
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October 7, 2009 12:57 PM
To be fair...
http://wweek.com/photos/3425/large/10870.jpg
Posted by: neon-elf.myopenid.com
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October 7, 2009 1:18 PM
I was particularly amused by the results of hovering the curser over the papers dropped by the lawyer.
But I'm at a loss to figure out why Susan B. Anthony is in there among the 'righteous'. I didn't think giving women the vote was something fundy Christians approved of. And wasn't she a lesbian?
Posted by: Kraid
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October 7, 2009 1:42 PM
Wow, that may have replaced my old favorite tacky image:
You'll never be as awesome as this picture
Posted by: Numad
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October 7, 2009 3:28 PM
"being blinded by your so-called science"
"She blinded me with so-called science" just wasn't as catchy.
Posted by: howdy-lentils
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October 7, 2009 5:21 PM
I notice he has Thomas Paine (misspelled Payne) in the far left of the painting. I wonder if he knows that Paine campaigned against Christianity and other organized religions.
Posted by: wrpd4
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October 7, 2009 7:20 PM
#155: I know several gay pornstars (I don't know why all of them get to be stars) and their pay isn't that great. And, from what I've seen, a large portion of their wages goes to buying drugs. Not a generalization, just an observation.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/webwide#86be1
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October 8, 2009 12:06 AM
I love how the setting sun just happens to be behind Jesus' head providing a convenient halo. Also, are there 50 stars in the sky as well as on the flag?
This is just one of the wackiest things I've seen in awhile. Loved the parody site too!
Posted by: Rorschach
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October 8, 2009 4:14 AM
BoSOM @ 156,
Yeah well, I would rather sit with the cool folks and Satan myself ! And counting money !! Should have been a lawyer bloody hell ! (And I told you, female family lawyers all seem yummy too...:P)
Posted by: RickR
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October 8, 2009 4:19 AM
Can someone tell my why bad jesus art™ is always so fucking CREEPY? All this kitchy, supposedly "spirit filled" joyous depictions of their lord looks like concept art for a George Romero zombie movie.
Posted by: Nebula99
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October 8, 2009 7:19 AM
Jeremy is obviously a Poe, guys.
[quote]Yeah well, I would rather sit with the cool folks and Satan myself ! [/quote]
Definitely. Better than hanging out with Sarah Palin and the awed savage--I mean immigrant.
@Anri at #166, that is a good interpretation of it. Also, the professor is holding on tight to his science book, hoping it won't be next.
Posted by: Nebula99
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October 8, 2009 7:21 AM
Oh, crud, my quote tags don't work. I don't know much about html; how are they supposed to be?
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 8, 2009 7:35 AM
@Nebula99Jeremy is obviously a Poe, guys.If he is, he is doing a good job of it. Google turns up a variety of guys that could be him besides the porn star. Jeremy could have been trying to be funny, too, by causing gay porn to show up on a search of his name (he demanded we search his name on an earlier thread), only to be surprised that we love gay porn.
Try using angular brackets (alligator mouths) instead of square brackets and instead of "quote" and "/quote" use "blockquote" and "/blockquote", like so:<blockquote>test</blockquote>
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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October 8, 2009 7:39 AM
And I'll try harder to spell "blockquote" correctly in the future. #192 should have gone like so:
If he is, he is doing a good job of it...Posted by: gorunnova
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October 8, 2009 10:56 AM
I just wanted to say that #12 kicks butt for giving David Willis's rendition of this biased and fact-free piece of ... art.
Posted by: Alyson Miers
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October 8, 2009 4:03 PM
Shortpacked goes to work on Teh Stupid!
Posted by: ArmandTanzarian
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October 9, 2009 2:05 AM
This parody, then, is so amazing I don't know where to begin.
http://imgur.com/r4e2C.jpg
CTHULHU FTHAGN!
Posted by: John Morales
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October 9, 2009 5:17 AM
ArmandTanzarian @196, fantabulous!
Iä, Iä!
Posted by: Oolon Colluphid
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October 9, 2009 8:16 AM
Here's a version that might be more to Pharynguloid's taste.
Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!.
Posted by: Nebula99
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October 10, 2009 5:42 PM
test of the quotes
Posted by: shepherdmoon
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October 13, 2009 6:06 PM
#4:
Except for the Second Amendment, of course. That was added by Moses - I mean Charlton Heston.