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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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When I said during my presidential bid that I would only bring Christians and Jews into the government, I hit a firestorm. `What do you mean?' the media challenged me. `You're not going to bring atheists into the government? How dare you maintain that those who believe in the Judeo-Christian values are better qualified to govern America than Hindus and Muslims?' My simple answer is, `Yes, they are.'
[Pat Robertson, "The New World Order," page 218]
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Category: Weirdness
Posted on: October 18, 2009 2:49 PM, by PZ Myers
Last month, we were told that the Rapture was coming on 21 September. It didn't happen. You know that there must have been some little mistake in their calculations.
The prophets have double-checked their numbers and found the error, and fixed it. We now know without error the date of the end.
THE RAPTURE IS COMING ON 21 OCTOBER!!!!
Scurry and flee, everyone. They can't be wrong everytime, can they? This might be it.
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Comments
Posted by: Stardrake
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October 18, 2009 3:00 PM
"Well, never mind. Same time to-morrow! We must have a winner one day..."
(Peter Cook, "The End Of The World", BEYOND THE FRINGE (1962).
They never learn, do they?
Posted by: Ediacaran | October 18, 2009 3:00 PM
I have a nice vacation planned for November, and my tickets are non-refundable.
Any way you can get the Rapture rescheduled? PZ, please use your extraordinary powers of persuasion to get this done. I've seen a video of you with Mr. Deity, so I know you have an in. Besides, since you were able to land that Trophy Wife of yours, I'm sure you can work wonders.
All the best.
Posted by: Wes | October 18, 2009 3:04 PM
These people really do look forward to the whole world going up in flames, don't they?
Posted by: Marie the Bookwyrm | October 18, 2009 3:08 PM
Well, damn it! That's my payday! I hope the money gets put in my bank before the Rapture starts.
Posted by: Wes | October 18, 2009 3:08 PM
Heh. They even forgot to delete one of their earlier, failed predictions from the website:
Oops!
Posted by: Bloing | October 18, 2009 3:09 PM
How about the aperture? When's the aperture coming?
Posted by: Zombie | October 18, 2009 3:11 PM
Boy, I just don't know. Maybe if he typed some more, highlighting the really important points and used different fonts, I'd be convinced.
Posted by: Lilith | October 18, 2009 3:12 PM
Yay! Does this mean we can score a lot of free shit from those raptured? I need a car. Luckily I have a church at the end of my street, so dibs on the preacher's car.
Posted by: hje | October 18, 2009 3:13 PM
What, the forgot to carry the three? Did they accidentally divide by 0?
I predict the world will end in 5,087,234,127 CE plus/minus 190,204,786 years ; )
Posted by: Ryan | October 18, 2009 3:13 PM
This sounds a whole lot like an episode of the Simpsons.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thank_God_It%27s_Doomsday
Posted by: Iain Walker | October 18, 2009 3:23 PM
#6
Sod that, I want to know when the Raptor's due. I always wanted a pet dromaeosaur.
Posted by: Hampus | October 18, 2009 3:23 PM
How is it possible to suck that bad at webdesign?
Posted by: gettingfree | October 18, 2009 3:27 PM
On their site...
"Astronomical signs prove 100% that the ending of the
7-year tribulation period is at the end of 2015!
Therefore, the beginning of the 7-year
Tribulation period starts by FALL 2009!"
Wait, wouldn't that make it start in 2008? 2015 - 7 = 2008
Posted by: Somnolent Aphid
|
October 18, 2009 3:29 PM
OT, but I don't think we've commented on this yet.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/6338320/Texas-man-faces-execution-after-jurors-consult-Bible-to-decide-fate.html
Posted by: Jenkins | October 18, 2009 3:30 PM
Offtopic, but I wondered if you could blog about Lenki's new research paper in nature:
http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/nature08480.html
Seems pretty relevant, and it looks like it may finally put the Creationist "information" argument to rest. Unfortunately not all of us non-scientists have access to this journal, and thus a summary/explanation would be much appreciated.
Posted by: Somnolent Aphid
|
October 18, 2009 3:32 PM
and back on topic... well it is "The Fall" after all, and oct 21st is smack in the middle, although some prefer to call it Autumn.
Posted by: 386sx
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October 18, 2009 3:34 PM
That time wave thing is hilarious. If they didn't know the exact date of the birth of Adam and the exact date of the birth of Abraham, then the whole thing would fall apart! Good thing they know those dates!
Posted by: Kevin Anthoney
|
October 18, 2009 3:34 PM
Bugger! I turn 40 on the 20th. Can't they have it tomorrow?
Posted by: Tom Woolf | October 18, 2009 3:37 PM
C'mon now - don't be so harsh on these poor folks.... Even a genius like Homer was wrong with his first computation.
Posted by: hje | October 18, 2009 3:38 PM
Re: "How is it possible to suck that bad at webdesign?"
They stopped just short of the nuclear option: the dreaded BLINK tag.
Posted by: Mark | October 18, 2009 3:38 PM
Ohh, Ohh. I know why!
It's because Windows 7 is being released the next day.
Posted by: rodiel | October 18, 2009 3:39 PM
Oh, if only. It would mean a lot less hassle with parents and businessmen indeed. (See blog for details.)
Posted by: Strategist01 | October 18, 2009 3:40 PM
What!?! Now I won't be ablt to buy Civilazations complete, and it was on sale :(
Posted by: cpsmith | October 18, 2009 3:43 PM
Never fear folks! I have watched the "left Behind" movies and I think it is quite clear that there will be no rapture until the UN is taken over by a young and sexy antichrist. We are safe.....for now....
Posted by: Larry | October 18, 2009 3:51 PM
Hey, evt, 1995 called. They want their web page back.
I certainly hope post-rapture heaven offers classes in modern web site design because this one is a sin. They used Word 9 to create it for jebus' sake.
Posted by: Jeff Eyges | October 18, 2009 3:54 PM
These people really do look forward to the whole world going up in flames, don't they?
They really do. I say it all the time - for them to be constantly lecturing us on morality would be laughable, if it weren't so tragic. They are the worst people in the world. They are the worst people in the history of the world.
Posted by: Alyson Miers
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October 18, 2009 3:57 PM
Good. I'll clear all the theo-kipple out of some nice Raptured folks' house, move in, and adopt their car; preferably some nice Raptured folks who've already paid off their mortgage, because we all know the banks will still be fully staffed. And if they happen to leave behind a dog, of course I'll adopt the four-legger, too. I might like their furniture while I'm at it, but I can supply my own gadgets, clothes, books and media. Welcome to my new party pad, everyone!
Posted by: Irene Delse | October 18, 2009 3:57 PM
@ Mark #22 FTW! ;-))
Posted by: Saint Brian the Godless | October 18, 2009 3:57 PM
http://saintbrianthegodless.blogspot.com/2009/09/prayer.html
Hey, I wrote about this, kinda. Well, the Crapture. Close enough?
I prefer the Crapture. To summarize, that's when all christians realize what jackasses they've been all along and their heads all explode at once. Alleluia! Can I get a witness?
Posted by: pcarini | October 18, 2009 4:00 PM
It's like The Tribulation ... for my eyes!
Posted by: Mathematician | October 18, 2009 4:02 PM
How's the book coming along, PZ?
Posted by: Strangest brew
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October 18, 2009 4:03 PM
Totally fucking barking fit ta rapture...
The whole website is a hysterical diatribe and gush of insane diarrhoea of utter cobblers from beginning to end...and god ...apparently is delaying...WTF?
But they do admit to misinterpreting the signs cos it was not afterall the holy ghoulie that was whispering sweet nothings in their ears!
Fuckin' batshit crazy loons!
Posted by: Zeno
|
October 18, 2009 4:08 PM
Well, good! An excuse not to do my laundry this week.
Or the dishes. Or the lawn.
I can let it all go to hell!
(Oh, oh.)
Posted by: Lily Murphy | October 18, 2009 4:08 PM
Let's take a look at the codes, shall we?
The stupid. It burns.
Posted by: Sili
|
October 18, 2009 4:10 PM
This must be such a bummer for Kurtzweil.
Posted by: Yngve Sjølset | October 18, 2009 4:12 PM
If the people behind that ghastly "web design" are raptured, I'm all for it. Damn, that site hurt my eyes, the interwebs would be better of were it true.
A 4 year old could've made a better job, but that's not even the saddest part. The really sad but laughable fact is that the utterly botched "web design" is a perfect match to the inane content. Oh, the irony....
Posted by: user@example.com | October 18, 2009 4:12 PM
I just spent a while reading the site. Not only does it start going on about 42 being the Answer (someone mixed in some Adams on the Left Behind shelf in the bookstore?), it's a pyramid scheme. An actual pyramid scheme.
Posted by: Lana | October 18, 2009 4:12 PM
Okay, why are people so stupid? Really, what's going on here? This is a serious question. I don't get it. Are the only sort-of non-stupid people posting here and everyone else is an idiot? That's a very scary thought.
Posted by: Standard curve
|
October 18, 2009 4:14 PM
Rapture again? Wow, is it that time of the month already?
Posted by: Abe Silberstein | October 18, 2009 4:14 PM
Funny. October 21st Richard Dawkins is doing a book signing @ New York Barnes and Noble. I don't have to worry. Mayor Mike will pay Satan off to leave New York alone!
Posted by: llewelly | October 18, 2009 4:29 PM
This makes perfect sense, since October 21 is also the birthday of that evil satanist and anarchist, Ursula K. LeGuin.
Posted by: David | October 18, 2009 4:32 PM
Posted by: user@example.com | October 18, 2009 4:33 PM
...who wrote a story in which someone ended racial differences by turning everyone's skin grey! AFTER THE RAPTURE OBAMA WILL MAKE YOUR CHILDREN ZOMBIES.
Posted by: Haecceity | October 18, 2009 4:35 PM
This is just wrong. Everone knows this occurs on December 21, 2012 since the Maya prophecized it (because they are one of the lost tribes of Israel according to the Book of Morons). Mel Gibson knew about this as well. That is why he first made the Passion of the Christ and only later did he make Apocalypto (it is actually a sequel).
Posted by: MadScientist
|
October 18, 2009 4:40 PM
Christians really put in an effort to maintain their unbroken heritage of being the penultimate champions of ignorance and stupidity, don't they? 2000 years of stupid and still going ...
Posted by: shonny
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October 18, 2009 4:42 PM
Sure they are not confusing it with The Rupture, when their feeble ideas burst open for complete ridicule? Again.
Posted by: Holydust | October 18, 2009 4:44 PM
I know, where's our "young and sexy antichrist" to take over the UN?
If anyone runs into any misogynist airplane pilots with masculine, phallic-sounding names, be sure to let them know we're setting up a camp for nonbelievers in Houston.
A Galveston summer without Christians and their hordes of fat kids will be awesome.
Posted by: Romeo Vitelli
|
October 18, 2009 4:45 PM
"Scurry and flee, everyone. They can't be wrong everytime, can they? This might be it."
There's always a margin of error for these things. That's why it's called the Gross Prophet Margin.
"...who wrote a story in which someone ended racial differences by turning everyone's skin grey! "
That was The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Leguin.
Posted by: fenderplayer96 | October 18, 2009 4:46 PM
@ gettingfree #13:
Yes indeedy... and a quick trip to the wayback machine shows the same site claiming the end would arrive on September 29th 2008: http://web.archive.org/web/20080517111206/http://home.flash.net/~evt/rapture.htm
Must've slept through that one too...
Posted by: Kel, OM | October 18, 2009 4:48 PM
They've been saying the same thing for almost 2000 years now. Surely in the lifetime of the prophets counts as a testable hypothesis and the persistent failure to successfully predict the second coming is sufficient evidence to call the whole premise falsified.
God is dead, God remains dead, time to move on...
Posted by: The Ungodly Goddess
|
October 18, 2009 4:52 PM
So they got the rapture wrong again- it's not like it's the end of the world...
Posted by: ferret wrangler | October 18, 2009 4:53 PM
Well, hell - a day before my birthday, so no free Red Robin burger for lunch or Japanese buffet for dinner, damnit, phooey. Been looking forward to it all year **sigh**
Stupid rapture...
Posted by: Andreas Johansson
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October 18, 2009 4:53 PM
Would it be ungrateful to ask, my wedding in Heaven with whom? May I at the minimum know the sex of the happy individual concerned?Posted by: Zeno
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October 18, 2009 4:54 PM
They're the next-to-last champions of idiocy? Cool. Who is going to be last?
Posted by: exChristian | October 18, 2009 4:55 PM
Does this mean I can ignore my VISA bill?
Posted by: Glenn | October 18, 2009 4:56 PM
Now you've got me daydreaming about a world without religious fundamentalists. Imagine how peaceful it would be. Only three more sleeps till the rapture? Aw man, I can't wait that long!
Posted by: Happy Tentacles
|
October 18, 2009 4:58 PM
Well at least that means I won't have to pay my credit card bill this month.
Posted by: Kim | October 18, 2009 4:59 PM
Oh good, I can stop studying for my midterm then.
Posted by: Canary | October 18, 2009 5:04 PM
these religious nutjobs just want to die and take everybody with them, arrogant cunts
Posted by: PeterKarim | October 18, 2009 5:10 PM
Followed that link: Random use of bold, fonts, italics, colors, caps, underlines, inverse and a combination therof hurt my eyes, before I even got to the content,... not that I got that far.
Posted by: g | October 18, 2009 5:12 PM
Their page says (1) that a comet is going to annihilate the earth in 2012 and (2) that the battle of Armageddon will happen in 2015. Presumably that's going to happen on a different planet.
Posted by: Richard Smith | October 18, 2009 5:15 PM
@Stardrake (#1):
Perhaps it will even be by a wind so mighty as to lay low the mounTAINS of the uhth.
Posted by: Durr Hurr | October 18, 2009 5:16 PM
I think the Jehova's Witnesses handled this most creatively. After their most recent failed attempt at predicting the end of the world and the second coming of Christ, they said that the rapture actually HAD occurred exactly when they said it would...but it occurred in Heaven and no one on Earth was able to see it. They then promptly got out of the end-of-the-world prediction business...
...or maybe not. I have heard rumors that they are back in it now, but they're just not being as specific about when it will happen (saying it will just happen "soon" rather than giving specific dates).
Posted by: James F | October 18, 2009 5:17 PM
It's the
imminent demise of evolutionend of the world!Posted by: Kristin C | October 18, 2009 5:39 PM
My birthday - AWESOME!
Posted by: Mike | October 18, 2009 5:41 PM
@50: lol
This website must be some kind of joke.. I mean, really. Can they possibly be so dense? They're consciously editing the pages, and doing a poor job of it at that.
And the length of that site, by deus! It just goes on and on and on and on.
So what happens when they realise that 9 + 7 does not, in fact, equal 15? Will they change it to 16? What does that say about the claim that astronomy proves 100% that it would happen in 2015?
We really need to put more money into mental health institutions.
Posted by: Forrest Samuels | October 18, 2009 5:43 PM
That sure will make Halloween more exciting!
Posted by: Armand K. | October 18, 2009 5:46 PM
All this world-ending has become routine... I'd bet there are predictions for every second day, if only one had the time and patience to look for them. (Of course, when you can't find one, you're free to invent it, like they all do.)
I remember my first major interaction with such "prophecies" was a decade ago, when half the world went nuts over an eclipse. Biblical verses, astrological charts, ancient predictions and nostradamian centuries were cooked to no end to show that the total solar eclipse on 11 August 1999 (or was it Aug. 9?) marked "the end of times".
We must be so lucky the eclipse wasn't total but annular (at least in Europe) -- this must be the one detail that saved us...
Anyway, don't get too excited if you're still alive 3 days from now. We still have to face the end of the Mayan calendar!
@PeterKarim #61
Yeah, it would deserve a place on Eric S. Raymond's HTML Hell list.
Posted by: Rick R | October 18, 2009 5:48 PM
"We still have to face the end of the Mayan calendar!"
I worked on the movie. Who knew the end of the world would be Fun and Exciting™??
Posted by: Wayne Robinson | October 18, 2009 5:50 PM
I'm listening to "Lucifer's Hammer" by Niven and Pournelle at the moment (a science fiction novel about a comet strike, and very good it is too). I think that their scenario is much more likely.
Posted by: B166ER
|
October 18, 2009 5:51 PM
OH MY!!! It's the end of the world!!! It's not like they've ever been wrong or anything, right? They're predictions are always accurate, aren't they? Oh wait, all of their predictions always fail in this place called reality. That pesky reality, making it look like their predictions are complete nonsense. It's obviously reality that's wrong because it couldn't be their predictions.
#42 about Ursula K. LeGuin: That's AWESOME!!! I now have a reason to celebrate the "Rapture". Yay for evil anarchists that are so, so right! The Dispossessed and The Word for World is Forest are two of my favorite books.
No Gods, No Masters!
Cameron
Posted by: MAJeff, OM
|
October 18, 2009 5:51 PM
We still have to face the end of the Mayan calendar!
I think Jon Stewart had the best statement about that. "If they could foresee the end of the world, how come they couldn't foresee Cortez?"
Posted by: Armand K.
|
October 18, 2009 5:52 PM
Hum, ESR only links to the display page of horrible site designs (if you can call them "designs") --- www.webpagesthatsuck.com
And a note on the comment system: it's even weirder that I thought. Before, it only took an eternity and a half to have the comment posted. Now it seems to have a new feature added: an all-in-one "comment and sign out"... with a sign-in screen in Spanish for some occult reason.
Posted by: B166ER
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October 18, 2009 5:57 PM
Speaking of the Mayan calender, it may be very accurate, yet it doesn't mean the end of their calender is the end of the world. I can't wait until Dec. 22nd 2012, just to see the faces of all the New Age kooks who aren't dead. I love how all the end times "prophesies" are all about natural disasters. There's ALWAYS natural disasters happening. Talk about self fulfilling prophesies. I predict someday we will all die... OH MY! I must be psychic!
No Gods, No Masters!
Cameron
Posted by: Naranda | October 18, 2009 6:01 PM
Does this mean I don't have to take my Astronomy midterm?
Posted by: SEF
|
October 18, 2009 6:06 PM
So that's why the computers are getting so flaky: they're packing up ready to go to silicon heaven.
Posted by: Gregory Greenwood
|
October 18, 2009 6:15 PM
When the 21st October rolls around the rapture brigade will doubtless conveniently find another little mathematical error im order to push the date of the pre-ordained end of the world back a few more weeks or months.
I can just hear the 2012 excuses now;
"2012? Oh no, you misheard me. I distinctly recall saying 2021. You really should pay more attention. This apocalypse was predicted by the Mayan Calender, you know, and the Mayans were obviously a much more advanced civilisation than meagre 21st century cultures with nothing but science to go on. I mean, they could invoke Kukulkna to psychically predict the future and all it took was a little propitiation of the Feathered Serpent God with the blood and recently excised heart of a human sacrifice. I'd like to see a modern scientist do that!"
And on Jaunary 1st 2022;
"Umm, yeah. The world's kinda still here. Err, awkward.
Look, Kukulkna!" *runs away*
Posted by: tim gueguen | October 18, 2009 6:22 PM
I call dibs on all the cool guitars of the Raptured who live in the Saskatoon era! Especially the Telecasters and Jazzmasters, and any Matsumoku era Aria Pro II stuff, I need those instruments!
Posted by: norumaru
|
October 18, 2009 6:29 PM
Ho hum. On one hand, I always knew it would be a Wednesday, because I hate Wednesdays. On the other hand, I was kinda looking forward to this one, because I don't have to go to Uni, which means that I get to 1. drink and party the day before, and 2. do so with my beat friend, who's been working all the weekends lately and I haven't seen her in 4 months.
On the third hand, if I'm going to be hungover anyway, the world better bloody end after all, for all I care.
Posted by: chrisD | October 18, 2009 6:31 PM
At the rate they're failing they might as well set up some scripts to adjust all the data to predict the rapture for the following day. Not that they'd be smart enough to set that up, but it's just as effective as what they're doing.
I remember back as a child watching a talk show, Donohue (thus dating myself), where some nutjob was predicting the end of the world later that year. I was immensely scared and thought about it for the rest of that year. When nothing happened and the next guy popped up claiming the end of the world I was less scared, but slightly worried. When that didn't come to fruition either and the next guy popped up I was amused with slightly more worry than last time due to the first Iraq war. That too didn't pass, and the next guy I simply laughed at, realizing at that point due to doing some light reading on the subject that morons have been predicting the end of the world ever since... well ever since we've had speech complex enough to describe such an all-encompassing catastrophe.
Now I'm just bored with the whole deal and wish they'd stop scaring the next generation who happen to pick up on this claptrap.
Posted by: Richard | October 18, 2009 6:41 PM
Not that this belongs here, but any interest poll is up:
http://www.intelligencesquared.com/vote-online.php?debate=EVT0195
The other Z has his followers on it. Perhaps it should be a fair fight?
Posted by: Armand K.
|
October 18, 2009 6:43 PM
@B166ER #71
Agreed, it can't be a coincidence it's Ursula K. LeGuin's birthday. Definitely Devil's work!
And about the Mayans: they must have foreseen Cortez's arrival, but didn't do anything about it because their warnings and cycles etc. were focused on disasters and catastrophic endings. Cortez bringing the religion of love couldn't be classified as such, could it? (Yeah, there is the small detail that he also brought Archangel Michael's flaming sword, but that was all for their best... Like baptizing infants right before beheading them, so they can go directly to Paradise...)
@Wayne Robinson #71
Damn, that's one of the very few of Niven's writings that I missed... Amazon, here I come!
Somewhat related: I remember reading a scifi story some time ago, about the Messiah's second coming... and Earth's population not very enthusiastic approach to this, because She was an extraterrestrial insect of some sort. Published in Asimov's, I think, but can't recall much else about it.
Posted by: Don Culberson | October 18, 2009 6:44 PM
Oh, boy, my Developmental students are gonna be happy about this... we were supposed to have a practical exam Wednesday afternoon... bonus: I don't need to make one up now!
Posted by: Gregory Greenwood
|
October 18, 2009 6:52 PM
Armand K @ 83;
"Yeah, there is the small detail that he also brought Archangel Michael's flaming sword."
These days you can get a cream for that ;).
In all seriousness, it was not just the horrifying butchery of Cortez's expedition but also the diseases he and his men brought that the indigenous people had no immunity to that helped contribute to the rapid collapse of Meso-American civilisation and the deaths of countless people.
'Religion of love' indeed.
Posted by: Kel, OM | October 18, 2009 6:53 PM
One of the finest Red Dwarf moments, along with The Justice Zone.Posted by: Xtine | October 18, 2009 6:56 PM
Pre-Rapture party at my place. BYOJJ: BringYourOwnJesusJuice.
Posted by: Eric | October 18, 2009 6:57 PM
Last month, we were told that the Rapture was coming on 21 September.
I'm sorry I didn't clear this up a while ago but September 21st was my birthday NOT the Rapture. I mean my Mom baked me a WONDERFUL chocolate pound cake and I had a very pleasant day hanging out with my family which brought me a measure of joy - but I would call it rapture. Sorry for any confusion.
Posted by: NJOsprey | October 18, 2009 7:01 PM
"Get ready for YOUR wedding in Heaven!"
Wait a minute. Are they advocating same sex marriage between Jesus and all those raptured males? I thought they weren't into teh gay?
Oh my, only three more shopping days to Armageddon. What do you buy for the Holy Ghost any way?
Posted by: Anne | October 18, 2009 7:04 PM
The next page is even better, it's all about how HELL is real!
The Birmingham News, April 10, 1987 had an article entitled "Earth's Center Hotter Than Sun's Surface, Scientists Say". The article stated that scientists have recently discovered, "THE EARTH'S INNER CORE HAS A TEMPERATURE OF OVER 12,000 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!"
Have you seen pictures of a volcano erupting, spewing a lake of fire from inside the earth — consuming everything within miles just from the heat? When Mount St. Helens erupted in May 18, 1980, it was described by reporters, "when HELL surfaced upon the earth." The book, Volcanoes, Earth's Awakening (p.91) describes an erupting volcano as "descent into HELL".
Well. That proves it then.
Posted by: http://impolitics.net/id/id.php
|
October 18, 2009 7:05 PM
Oh, thank God... no more of those pesky creationists to deal with. The atheists shall inherit the Earth!
Posted by: Carlie
|
October 18, 2009 7:10 PM
As long as the rapture doesn't take my home insurance estimator - he's supposed to come out Wednesday, and there's only so long I can live with the bathroom in shambles.
Posted by: TonyJ | October 18, 2009 7:10 PM
October 21, eh? Good. I've got a crappy meeting at work that day.
Posted by: BobH | October 18, 2009 7:12 PM
Woo Hoo!!! I don't have to buy Christmas gifts for any Christians! They'll all be shatched up! More $$$ to spend on my heathen friends!
Posted by: Rev. El Mundo
|
October 18, 2009 7:18 PM
Yes, we all laugh at the buffoonery of these jackasses but in laughing I think we're missing something really significant: these jerks are, like Jim Jones, working on the development of their own self-fullfilling prophesy of doom and destruction.
From my perspective, that sounds just fine and dandy. I'd rejoice in watching the asswipes all leap off the cliff at once. Who wouldn't?
But the sad thing is that their stupidity will kill all of us. They're gonna' take us with them.
~Rev. El Mundo
Posted by: Grandma | October 18, 2009 7:19 PM
What's all this about a Rupture? Where's my truss? Where are my glasses?
Posted by: gettingfree | October 18, 2009 7:26 PM
Off topic, but I am not sure how else to share this with the PZ Myers crowd?...
POLL ABOUT CATHOLIC CHURCH
http://www.intelligencesquared.com/vote-online.php?debate=EVT0195
Posted by: Matt | October 18, 2009 7:30 PM
Oh man! I thought it was all a joke, until I found this on the website "Web Bots Predicts Major Middle East War by FALL, 2009!"
If you can't trust web bots then who can you trust!
Posted by: longstreet
|
October 18, 2009 7:32 PM
The key point in Rapture prediction failure is the fact that they fail based not on the fact that no one vanishes, but on the fact that the predictor/prophet does not vanish. Every prophet operates on the assumption (so to speak) that they will be going along.
If the Rapture was meant to extract the truly righteous, it could have happened long ago and nobody would notice. After all, all but one of the 38K Christian sects are wrong--and maybe all of them. That whole Sabbath-keeping issue is likely to disqualify most of them, and the ones who do keep it seem to do it badly (see the ultraconservative Jews for the right way to do it) and add a bunch of other stuff that probably puts them wrong in the eyes of that oh, so exacting hall monitor in the sky.
Probably why the One True God keeps founding One True Churches and scrapping them after a few years to start new ones.
After that garbled business with the Mormons, God's probably become an atheist by now.
Posted by: Ty Bowen | October 18, 2009 7:38 PM
Crap, I have a test on the 20th I've been hoping will get canceled. Even then end of the world won't come soon enough.
Posted by: R. Schauer
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October 18, 2009 7:39 PM
I'm just glad I'm an atheist so this kind of crap doesn't affect me.
I do, however, worry a tad about Smoggy and Floyd. I'm sure they'll be saved somewhere...ahhhh, appropriate.
Posted by: Evolving Squid | October 18, 2009 7:42 PM
I rate that web site at 795 milliTimeCubes.
Posted by: Lynn | October 18, 2009 7:49 PM
Ugh! The only devastation that seems to be realized from that site is my suffering from viewing it. Their web designer should be shot!
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble OM4Jesus | October 18, 2009 7:58 PM
Dear Atheists,
Be warned! The design of the Godly web-page you scorn in so cavalier a fashion is just a terrifying sample of what awaits you; a minuscule taste of the torment that the Demon of Religious Formatting will inflicted upon you in Hell forever!
Verily I say unto you, on the Dread Day of Damnation you will have an eternity to look forward to of doing nothing but reading The Book of Mormon in 8pt comic sans txt language while the souls of your bare feet are whipped with lines from George Bush's speeches; Grammar Fiends will hang excruciating nipple-clamps on your tender apostrophes and weight them with heavy exclamation marks until they rip painfully away from your tormented flesh; Beelzebub's branding irons will sear Pope Benny's poetry of punishment into your tender parts; paragraphs of Sarah Palin's biography will be inscribed on your erectile tissue by Belial's qualmless quill and then set afire by Satan's scalding scarlet highlighter; verily you will scream as metaphors are mixed, melted, and poured in a molten flow down your protesting gullets; and as you writhe on the devil's own page, your sins will be embellished and published in mimetic tedium as an eternal Dan Brown novel that spontaneously combusts just before the ending and begins again, phoenix-like, with the moment of birth and your first selfish cry.
Yours in Adverbial Inquisition and Anticipation of 21 October,
Smoggy
P.S. Be of good cheer, however, sinful Atheists, for I, Smoggy Batzrubble, thy missionary, will not forget thee nor forsake thee. As thou suffer, look up and wave, and I will succor you from my lofty place upon Heaven's ramparts by passing a spray of cooling urine down into thy beseeching, upturned mouths.
Posted by: Standard curve
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October 18, 2009 8:03 PM
Wholly Crap! Jesus has an EMP! He's going to zap all UR Iphonz!
If you can get past the blinding colors there is some great comedy there.
Posted by: wistah | October 18, 2009 8:05 PM
Looks like the rapture only comes in red, yellow, and blue. :(
I was hoping I could get mine in green or a nice shade of lilac.
They really need to work on their color palettes; they're gonna lose a lot of business.
Posted by: hje | October 18, 2009 8:06 PM
Re: Smoggy's warning.
He needs a role for "Clippy" in eternal torment.
Posted by: MAJeff, OM
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October 18, 2009 8:09 PM
wistah
Just seeing that name, whether or not it bears any relation to worcester, made me miss MA.
That, and clam chowder.
Posted by: wistah | October 18, 2009 8:12 PM
Ah, MAJeff, you got it! You're the first one to ever get it, which means you know the proper pronunciation! :)
You made my day. Greetings from the Heart of the Commonwealth--Wistah!
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble OM4Jesus | October 18, 2009 8:15 PM
@108
And every time you think you finally have the Infernal Clippy disabled you'll find him wedged sideways up one of your meatholes saying chirpily:
It looks like you're writhing in torment!
Would you like to:
*know how much longer your suffering is going to last?
*Watch a movie of the Papal orgy with small boys in Heaven?
*Get early release by performing cunnilingus on Mother Theresa?
Posted by: MAJeff, OM
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October 18, 2009 8:18 PM
Ah, MAJeff, you got it! You're the first one to ever get it, which means you know the proper pronunciation! :)
And I only lived there for ten years. Now, for someone named meffid.
Posted by: Krystalline Apostate
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October 18, 2009 8:20 PM
Wow, 2 days before my b-day. Whatta present!
(Wait - who says it's not all about me?)
Jenkins @ 16:
That's a pretty cool link for the E. Coli, but the creationists will just claim the scale is all wrong (the old micro-evolution excuse).
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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October 18, 2009 8:28 PM
Don't the 72 virgins enter into the picture?
Posted by: Cannabinaceae
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October 18, 2009 8:33 PM
Darn. I will still have to give journal club now. I will put the pippuls to sleep for my partner, who goes second.
Plus, if this message shows up successfully, I will have succeeded at posting!
Posted by: wistah | October 18, 2009 8:34 PM
MAJeff, people in wistah never have any need to go to meffid because there's nuthin' thay-uh. Someday we should write a whole conversation in dialect. (Shu-wah!)
Posted by: MAJeff, OM
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October 18, 2009 8:35 PM
MAJeff, people in wistah never have any need to go to meffid because there's nuthin' thay-uh.
People in Boston, Somerville, and Cambridge would say the same thing.
*ducks*
Posted by: Ragutis | October 18, 2009 8:38 PM
Well no wonder they can't get the damn date right, here's an example of their math skills: (From the "Are You going to Heaven or Hell?" page)
Posted by: wistah | October 18, 2009 8:48 PM
Well, I'd have to agree.
On second thought, though, Summuhville hasn't got a whole lot going for it other than being Cambridge's foster sister. There's nuthin' thay-uh, either.
Posted by: MAJeff, OM
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October 18, 2009 9:04 PM
On second thought, though, Summuhville hasn't got a whole lot going for it other than being Cambridge's foster sister. There's nuthin' thay-uh, either.
You've obviously never been to Taqueria Tapatio in East Somerville. AMAZING burritos. I'd ask SC, OM for verification, but I don't think s/he knew me until I moved to Cleveland Circle.
Posted by: Nebula99
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October 18, 2009 9:08 PM
I know how you feel, El Mundo. These nutters want me and everyone I love to die slowly and painfully, and some of them are working to make it happen (see articles about crazies trying to engineer a red calf or project a hologram of the Third Temple over the Dome of the Rock).
Just remember, they have never been able to end the world and the methods they're trying would never work. Also, their power has declined greatly over the past few centuries. I think humanity will survive whatever these people throw at it, but their insanity won't survive reality's gradual insistence that they live in it.
Re g @72
So they have finally realized that when the sky opens up and the Almighty Dictator rides out to destroy humanity, some of us will escape in whatever spaceships we can throw together during seven years of tribulation. Of course, God had better hurry up if he wants even that... eventually we'll be a star-faring civilization and nigh impossible to kill.
Posted by: Graham Shevlin | October 18, 2009 9:21 PM
Not only do I have non-refundable vacation tickets for November, but I just bought a Halloween Party costume...what do I do now? I know that I am going to be on a one-way ticket to Hell anyway...
Posted by: bubba | October 18, 2009 9:25 PM
That is my birthday. There is no way in hell I'm going to put up with that. I mean to get my drunk on!!
Posted by: CalGeorge | October 18, 2009 9:35 PM
Look! Up there in the sky... it's a bird... it's a plane... it's RAPTUREMAN!
Wooohoooo!
Posted by: Midnight Rambler
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October 18, 2009 9:43 PM
These folks are seriously batshit-insane beyond end times stuff. Check out "Russia and China's: INVASION OF THE USA?" (warning: continuing the nutty page design, along with the apocalyptic craziness describing total catastrophe, at the bottom it also features animated smiley-faced suns tossing beach balls)
For evidence of the coming invasion, they relate apparent mental patients' dreams ("Some years ago while I lived near Portland, Oregon, I had a dream in which I saw Asian soldiers with faces of iron attacking Astoria, Oregon, 50 miles away, and killing everyone in sight. People were stepping to their front doors to see what the noise was about and were suddenly killed. The number of soldiers was spectacular. They were mercilessness shocking...demonic. Many others have had the same dream."), and describe the death camps that have already been built in Canada and Montana:
Plus, it cites a supposed Chinese general's speech, starting with this gem:
I mean seriously, if this was real, and the Chinese were basing their strategy on online polls, we have nothing to worry about.
Posted by: Armand K.
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October 18, 2009 9:48 PM
@Smoggy #105
Yeah, that site's definitely made in plain HTML -- Hell's Text Markup Language. Unlike Real HellTM, where you also get CSS -- [Sinner] Cooking Style Sheets.
Posted by: BC | October 18, 2009 9:52 PM
Thank Dog is was moved from the 21st of Sept. I had my camera ready to take photos of the rapturees & everything. Then, I'd noticed nothing happened here in Melbourne. So I just had to presume we were all godless heathens and it was all happening elsewhere.
Posted by: ironysandwich
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October 18, 2009 10:29 PM
Isn't "The Rapture" where all the Christians disappear from the face of the earth then we have 1000 years of peace?
Posted by: MikeFL | October 18, 2009 10:44 PM
Windows 7 is due to be released on October 22nd so the end of the world is coming at precisely the right time.
Posted by: RationalOutlet
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October 18, 2009 10:49 PM
This is ridiculous. Everyone knows that rapture starts on a Monday and ends on the 7th day when god rests for a picnic.
Posted by: The Geographer
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October 18, 2009 10:57 PM
This happens at the worst possible time also. It is my 28th birthday on the 22nd of October.
Posted by: Gerald Jones | October 18, 2009 11:05 PM
The Rapture has been re-scheduled for October 21. Deadline for prayers is tomorrow, Oct 19.
Posted by: Firemancarl | October 18, 2009 11:16 PM
Shit! Now I gotta hurry up! Justin Timberlake dumped Jessica Biel, so now's my chance and with the world ending in a few days..how could she say no??? Hot wild willy-nilly sex here I come!!
Posted by: Kobra
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October 18, 2009 11:20 PM
Doomsday is tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. Therefore, Doomsday never comes. Therefore, Doomsday is an unsatisfied spouse.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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October 18, 2009 11:46 PM
RationalOutlet #130
Silly atheist, everyone knows that on Sunday god watches football.
Posted by: Esser-Z | October 18, 2009 11:58 PM
Damn that Andrew Ryan!
Posted by: NixManes
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October 19, 2009 12:23 AM
Since beeradvocate.com doesn't have any event cancellations for the 22nd listed on their web page, I'm not going to worry about it too much. Fool me once...
http://beeradvocate.com/events/calendar/2009/10/22
Posted by: Chris P | October 19, 2009 12:36 AM
Hey - the website cannot be too bad - I got to watch Expelled for free.
Posted by: Joker | October 19, 2009 1:00 AM
Part of me wonders if this is an elaborate satire on the the group that started the Seventh Day Adventists who had once believed the world was going to end, were wrong, then after recalculation thought they knew the proper date, made the prediction and failed again, the latter event came to be known as the Great Disappointment. The really weird thing in all of this is that the Rapture such as it is known isn't really anywhere in any part of the bible that I could find, it is essentially a fairly late addition of Apocrypha and I find it rather amusing in that regard.
Posted by: Noel
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October 19, 2009 1:03 AM
That's truly a beautiful web page.
It moved me to check on something I've been meaning to check for a while: the blink tag still works in Firefox!
The humourless bastards at Microsoft and Google have, however, eschewed its inclusion in their browser designs...
Posted by: Raptureless
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October 19, 2009 1:26 AM
Only three days (or less depending on your time zone)! I can see why God picked the 21st, too. The Geological Society of America are having their annual meeting in Portland, OR and wrap up on October 21. No doubt God will be filled with righteous anger at all that talk about the multi-billion year age of the earth! How's that for a "random" coincidence!
Posted by: Forbes | October 19, 2009 1:27 AM
Well with the end times so near I hope that the believers have taken precautions for their pets.
Don't know what I am referring to?
Check out:
http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/
Sigh....
Posted by: Mac from Oregon | October 19, 2009 1:49 AM
I'll start a service in Oregon to turn off pilot lights so that your home isn't burned to the ground after you zip off to heaven. Turn off lights and such, so that your bad relatives will be able to squabble over your stuff. Could make a killing.
Also, the math doesn't quite work out. A seven year tribulation period starting in 2009 would end in 2016 not 2015. Or did I miss something?
Posted by: ChrisB | October 19, 2009 2:06 AM
I don't think it's as funny as all that. Part of the shtick, after all, is the claim that Barak Obama is the antichrist, and I'm not positive that that's the kind of thing that deters naive assassins.
Posted by: Richard Smith
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October 19, 2009 2:17 AM
Awww. Just realized that the world will end ten days before my brother's wedding. Yeah, he's getting married on Hallowe'en. Maybe that means I won't have to figure out a costume to wear (current best bet: gas mask and some roughed up clothes, voila, a Fallout 3 character).
Posted by: strangest brew | October 19, 2009 3:17 AM
Being a plucky brit with little brain...decided to go deeper and follow the insanity, now't else to do at the mo!
Found the scam on the last page of rant or so.
http://home.flash.net/~evt/gift.htm
Tis a good old pyramid scheme is all only with grand designs to fleece local pastors as well as other hard of thinking clones!,they really are just on the make afterall, sigh!
I had such high hopes of Armageddon and all ,wanted ta see the riders of the apoxylipse me did!...awesome dudes they be!
The clue is on the first line of multi coloured bilious diarrhoea on the very first page...
WARNING:
Will The Rapture take place BEFORE:
Wednesday - October 21st 2009?
FALL 2009 – THE END?
IS THIS THE TIME OF THE RAPTURE?
WILL...?...IS...wiggle room in the premise is required I would hazard..and they provided it!
Pity about the maths...but that is not a priority...they is fishers of fools...not the educated!
Posted by: Azkyroth
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October 19, 2009 3:26 AM
Err, no. It's pretty much guaranteed that somewhere on earth, a hat will fall to the ground on the day of the rapture, therefore it will be declared a "bank holiday" while everyone else on earth is still working/being educated/making ends meet yet has no direct access to their money.
Posted by: Patrick
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October 19, 2009 3:31 AM
well the milk i bought expires that day so i better not bother buying milk after that. or will cows still be around for the left behind to milk.
Posted by: D. Ebdrup | October 19, 2009 5:09 AM
Crap. On my birthday, too.
Posted by: druidbros | October 19, 2009 5:27 AM
Well then I am NOT going to be paying my cable bill.
Posted by: Knockgoats | October 19, 2009 6:38 AM
I really loved this bit from the site:
If we subtract 2520 days from September 23, 2015 we come to October 29, 2008. SEE CALCULATION In Revelation 8:1 it talks about a silence in heaven for 30 minutes, and in the scripture above in Daniel 9:27, it could be read: “he shall reaffirm his campaign promises with his many followers for one week”. SEE MORE HERE As you probably remember, Obama’s 30-minute info-commercial occurred on October 29, 2008! Never before in the world’s history has anyone given a 30-minute info-commercial “confirming his campaign promises with many and that if he is elected he would change the world”. What are the odds that this event occurs exactly 2520 days from September 23, 2015? Why 30 minutes? Why not 15 minutes? Could the 30-minute silence in heaven (which only occurs this one time in the bible) be referring to Obama’s 30-minute info-commercial? You see, nothing happens by chance! God controls history!
I imagine God shushing all the harp-strumming and praise-giving from the angels, because he wanted to listen to Obama's broadcast! Comedy gold.
Posted by: B166ER
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October 19, 2009 7:31 AM
At first I thought that site just screamed POE, what with all the bad math and strenuous links between "real" events and "prophesy". Then I realized I had much more to fear for they were serious. I look back on being raise by a bunch of science loving atheists and am so glad that I didn't get the short stick by being born to Creotards like these. One death every three seconds equals 180 deaths a minute indeed!
P.S. Did anyone see the little link showing that the Illuminati: New World Order card game by Steve Jackson game, (I have the original Illuminati card game, great fun by the way, fucking hilarious) PROVES that they're right. There was a card that was called terrorist strike and it was a plane hitting the WTC. These people are so dumb, they think it predicts history when in fact it was just pointing out one of the most likely targets. BRILLIANT COMEDY GENIUS!
http://home.flash.net/~evt/cardgame.htm
No Gods, No Masters
Cameron
Posted by: Bill Ricker | October 19, 2009 8:16 AM
Hello MAJeff! Hello wistah! *waves excitedly*
Posted by: sailor1031
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October 19, 2009 8:31 AM
well their arithmetic places the end at 12/31/2016. The signs are all there including the rising from the depths of hitherto unknown islands in the remote pacific. Great Cthulhu will rise and we all better know how to swim (except the fundies and the maya who will already br toast.....). Personally I'm going to evolve gills and a batrachian appearance(oh wait - i already have that my wife says) - the big C is way more powerful than those other divinities...
Posted by: Stronger Now | October 19, 2009 8:54 AM
Oily Crepes! They're using MATHS! badly. Suppose, now stay with me folks, just suppose they are WRONG! (gasp) Would they scrap the whole process or would they just invent some more crazy rationalized numbers to plug into their orgasmitronic equation?
Someone should convert this into an important online poll.
or not.
Posted by: barkdog | October 19, 2009 9:00 AM
for MAJeff and his sycophants:
Many years ago when my brother was a student at Clark, some of his Ohio friends came out to visit him. We have a wustah in Ohio too, but we spell it differently. Anyway, they kept driving through this Worcester place, and every time the asked directions to wustah the got sent back until they finally stopped for directions right in Worcester.
Posted by: Stever | October 19, 2009 9:16 AM
The Bible recounts that Jebus told his apostles he would return for the reckoning while some of them still lived. At least two I think should still be living somewhere, I suppose.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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October 19, 2009 9:17 AM
Silly Massachusettsians (and ex-Massachusettsites), don't you know the town's name is pronounced war-chest-er-shoos-ter. If we're talking about the county in Angleland, it's war-chest-er-shoos-ter-sure. However the condiment's name is pronounced Lea and Perrins.
Posted by: Jim | October 19, 2009 9:18 AM
They may be on to something this time. All these sevens being quoted, and what goes on General Release on the 22nd? That's right - Windows 7!!
Posted by: infidel57 | October 19, 2009 9:21 AM
Oct. 21, huh. I'm glad now that I didn't preorder Windows 7. I'm sure when I'm raptured up, Heaven will have a bug-free operating system.
Posted by: Dahan
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October 19, 2009 9:46 AM
Ursula K. LeGuin = awesome. She's the only author I've ever written a fan letter to. She actually wrote me back. How cool is that?
Posted by: toth
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October 19, 2009 9:50 AM
Damn it! Just before Windows 7 comes out!
Posted by: raven
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October 19, 2009 10:49 AM
This web site nutcase is a False Prophet. He's been wrong many times. According to the bible, False Prophets are to be stoned to death. They have always been a problem for xianity since any idiot can claim to be a prophet channeling the most powerful force in the universe.
But since biblical literalists don't really exist, it isn't going to happen. They always just pick and choose from the bible who to hate and why. Gays are bad but false prophets are just as common as dandelions and no big deal.
Posted by: Demha | October 19, 2009 11:03 AM
This sucks. My grant applications are due on the 23rd. The world can't end before I send them in!
Here's hoping jesus will come and tell us that all religions are a bunch of crock. Maybe that's what the rapture means.
Posted by: Chris | October 19, 2009 11:08 AM
"I also told The Lord that I wanted the maximum amount of treasure in Heaven (with the biggest mansion) as possible."
Posted by: Arguendo | October 19, 2009 11:19 AM
I wish God would just get on with it if he's going to do it.
What I wonder about is why bother with this? Are they hoping that they will be the ones who predicted it right so that during the 7 years they can have bragging rights? If they are really going to be taken up to heaven they won't really be able to enjoy saying, "Neener Neener Neener, I was right on the 487th attempt predicting the end is near".
Posted by: Zedge | October 19, 2009 11:20 AM
That's it I'm letting the laundry and dishes pile up! If the math is correct this time, I sure don't want to spend my last days doin' the frickin' house work!
Posted by: Anonymous | October 19, 2009 11:39 AM
Don't compare these Xians to dandelions. Dandelion at least has some simplistic beauty about them which gives them a one up over Rapture Ready Xians.
Posted by: Hipple, Rev. Paul T. | October 19, 2009 11:42 AM
George W. Bush supported R&D on a Rapture Early Warning Detection system, which would have solved many of these conflicting predictions, but the antichristianist Obama has canceled the program.
-RPTH
Posted by: Paul Lundgren | October 19, 2009 11:47 AM
I actually think the reason this website's design is so retro-awful is that it actually HAS been in existence since the mid-90s, and they don't bother to update the style, just the content. Ghastly.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | October 19, 2009 12:34 PM
I laughed for half a minute straight.
Be sure to click through to the demoroniser, and from there to the top 10 reasons why Eternal Damnation is better than Windows Software Development.
Test:
whee!!
Kukulcan.
Priceless.
Wonderful.
Yeah, but, you know who else will rise in that case?
Posted by: reboho.pip.verisignlabs.com
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October 19, 2009 12:54 PM
OK, if I get raptured because of that weepy evening when I was thirteen due to a girlfriend that wanted to be saved I am going to be so pissed.
Posted by: bc23.5
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October 19, 2009 1:04 PM
Why is it that whenever I read Smoggy's letters I hear them in the voice of Edward Currant?
Posted by: Aaron | October 19, 2009 1:10 PM
I have a business exam on the 21st.
Bring on the rapture!
Any excuse to get out of it is good enough for me. :D
Posted by: Paul The Burptist | October 19, 2009 1:12 PM
Perhaps the rapture did happen, it's just that no one was taken!
Posted by: SEF
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October 19, 2009 1:24 PM
Every day is a Rapture Day and no-one has ever been taken away.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | October 19, 2009 1:30 PM
Test fortunately failed, at least on Safari for Mac.
Comment 35 tells a different story. Another kind of madness is to blame.
Posted by: kyle | October 19, 2009 2:14 PM
im so disappointed dat ppl actually believe dis rapture nonsense. have we not evovled into sentient beings? have we not moved past religion and "god" yet? stop giving "god" credit for evrytin! i hate wen ppl thank dis make believe dude credit for shit!
like gettin a package on time, dont thank god thank the post man!
surviving a complicated surgery, dont thank god thank the doctors and surgeons
stumbling and nearly falling into a river but amazingly u find ur balance and remain dry, dont thank dat fictional character from a book written thousands of years ago, thank urself!
if u die its not gods decision its ur health r just random chance dat decides ur fate.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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October 19, 2009 2:21 PM
dat?
Posted by: Didac
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October 19, 2009 2:57 PM
The Rapture WAS last September 21st. If you were not picked then, you must assume that you have been left behind. This is Hell and WE ALL are condemned!!!
Posted by: Boneshifter
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October 19, 2009 2:57 PM
This is actually one thing that I wish was actually true, then we could get all the religious fanatics off our lovely little planet. And don't stop at Christians, take them all please.
Posted by: Jimmynutsek | October 19, 2009 3:25 PM
Oh my oh my. The website is terrifying but the comments made me LOL many times. It's a pity only atheists laugh at this stuff - the believers are depriving themselves of some fabulous material.
Posted by: Bodb | October 19, 2009 4:08 PM
If this is the same site I'm thinking of, it's been around for several years, and all they do is change the date slightly every time their predictions are wrong (although they do update /some/ of the content; this time two years ago it was predicting that Hillary Clinton would be elected president and that she would be the Antichrist).
Posted by: MikeM | October 19, 2009 4:31 PM
Well, I see that the Toronto Raptors are playing the Minnesota Timberwolves on Oct 23, in Sioux Falls.
Does that have anything to do with it?
Posted by: MikeM | October 19, 2009 4:33 PM
By the way, I am really, really looking forward to the movie 2012, but only because it looks so unbelievably stupid.
Posted by: Charmless Man | October 19, 2009 4:36 PM
DAMN IT!!! That's my BIRTHDAY!!!
Posted by: Michel Poisson | October 19, 2009 4:39 PM
I'm always amazed at the enthousiasm believers put in their death wish. And at their generosity at sharing it with (and including) the rest of humanity. Not only don't they want to pursue their own existence, they want everybody else to be anihilated as well.
Which goes to show how religion and beliefs in imaginary worlds make people miserable with what they currently have.
Posted by: dreamer | October 19, 2009 5:12 PM
OH NOES! Aliens are going to steal all the Christians!
Um, if the Christians are all going to Heaven for "their wedding", does that mean God is going to deflower all of them on their unending wedding night?
Posted by: woozy | October 19, 2009 7:09 PM
>>Astronomical signs prove 100% that the ending of the 7-year tribulation period is at the end of 2015!
>>Therefore, the beginning of the 7-year Tribulation period starts by FALL 2009!
Doncha get it? The rapture *starts* by Fall 2009 so it probably *did* begin on Sept. 21. Think about it-- When the rapture completes the earth will be left to the non-christian sinners. And what happened on Sept. 21st? Worldwide thousands of Christians died leaving the Earth forever! What's more, millions of sins were committed!
It's easy to prove the rapture began on Sept. 21st. On Sept. 20th God listened to all prayers (but did nothing) and now he only listens to 2263/2292 to all prayers (and does nothing). Today 1.25% of all christians are deluded hypocrates and the rate is increasing by .043 percent each day.
By January 1st, 2015 God will not listen to any prayers (and will still do nothing) and 100% of all christians will be deluded hypocrates.
What more proof do you need?
I, for one, am looking forward to the post-rapture. Then I can turn to the Xians and say "You're still here. That *proves* you're full of shit!"
Posted by: Pfil | October 19, 2009 9:51 PM
Even better than the rapture is the "Soul Winning" pyramid scheme. Win the souls of 6 people for christ, and you can make hundreds of thousands of dollars. So useful for church funding! He even supplies a handy premade business card with all the right verbiage. No need to actually go door to door to convert people: you can win their souls by leaving the cards on their cards.
And somehow it's also a pyramid scheme--you get money. And as long as you sign up more souls, the pyramid won't collapse. Of course, it helps if the world ends before you all get prosecuted.
Posted by: morebeerplease | October 20, 2009 4:02 AM
OK. We all know the real reason for our 'ascent' to 'heaven' on the 21st, the next day is the release date for Microsoft's latest re-incarnation of their money-extraction demon, known as 'Windows 7'. If we're not raptured before that we'll all end up in the flaming sulphurous pit, having made a contract with mephistopheles, sorry, I meant accepted Bill G's EULA. The dear kind evangelicals are simply trying so save us from a fate worse than death.
Posted by: Dan W | October 20, 2009 4:07 AM
Obviously, when the world doesn't end next Wednesday, they'll realize that they meant to say that the Rapture is coming on November 21st... or some other such nonsense. If only they'd pick a more reasonable time for the end of the world, such as in 5 billion years, when the sun expands into Earth's orbit... or possibly when we nuke ourselves out of existence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCpjgl2baLs
Posted by: Jebus is my Dog | October 20, 2009 2:46 PM
And it's coming NOW!......
No I meant NOW!......
Just a second.... NOW!.....
Wait for it. Wait for IT!!!! NOW!!!!!.......
damn
Posted by: TWX | October 20, 2009 7:28 PM
No, I think his previous math was right. Which means that either a) the rapture came on Sept 21 and so few people were good in the eyes of their god that they were taken, or b) the collective "we" should just forget the whole thing...
Posted by: Apocryphalbob | October 20, 2009 7:33 PM
Has anyone actually asked them if we can haz their stuffs?
Posted by: Demha | October 21, 2009 4:10 AM
Okay, so the rapture's today. Woohoo! Goodbye all Christians (and whatever other religious freaks want to leave too)!
Posted by: Holydust | October 21, 2009 8:51 AM
hooray, hooray!
it's Rapture day!
(again.)
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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October 21, 2009 9:18 AM
Another Rapture day? How many is it now? And isn't heaven full yet with the chosen people (not Xians)? See everyone tomorrow...
Posted by: Walton | October 21, 2009 9:28 AM
To be honest, I was a little disappointed that the world didn't end today.
Posted by: Strangest brew
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October 21, 2009 10:06 AM
'To be honest, I was a little disappointed that the world didn't end today.'
To be honest I had forgotten all about it...the real world intervened somewhat...as it does!
Fucking retarded idiots of the finest vintage...maybe they really should consider getting a life instead of predicting the end of it for anyone with a little more taste and rationality!
Growing up is scary but the polite thing to do!
Posted by: kopd
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October 21, 2009 10:12 AM
Damn it! I got mixed up and thought it was yesterday. I guess I'm still going to have to make that down payment on the car. Unless the banana maker arrives in the next 10 hours. Did we figure out which time zone he's going by?
Posted by: TGAP Dad | October 21, 2009 3:18 PM
Do we have an ETA for this rapture? Is it on DST or standard time? Which time zone is the relevant one? Does it take into account the correction applied when the gregorian calendar was adopted?
I just want to be able to get a good seat, but It's a work day, and I can't leave early. On that note, will the chosen be floating up into the sky, or will they disappear with a *poof*? Or will it be some other effect (my personal favorite would be an iMovie-esque fade-out)? Where is the best spot to see the xtians being taken away? There is a megachurch in my town, and I could pick a spot on a nearby hillside to watch it unfold.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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October 21, 2009 3:31 PM
Walton, life is tough for everyone. Get some help.
I'm serious. I've been watching you complain on multiple threads the last few days about your life position. Trust me, there are many people in way worse situations than what you seem to be in.
It sucks, but seriously dude, you're coming off like a whining child. Get off your ass and do something about it. You're an intelligent guy from all I can gather here and this behavior is not becoming.
Posted by: RickR
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October 21, 2009 3:42 PM
Walton, I prescribe a healthy dose of perspective. Turn off the computer, go outside, take some air, and feel grateful for what you have. Things aren't so bad. You're young, just starting out in life, and you live in a rich western industrialized nation that isn't on the verge of tipping over into a third-world theocracy.
Things could be a lot worse for you.
And you should definitely look into chatting with a mental health professional. Sometimes these things are just phases, part of different life stages, and temporary. But sometimes they aren't. It's unwise to attempt to determine that on your own.
Posted by: Iris | October 21, 2009 4:26 PM
...or a sex worker. That might change your life, Walton, or at least your current perspective. Does the British health care system pay for that? ;)
In all seriousness, though, I second RickR. You seem depressed, and if it's even remotely possible that this is the case, you should get it checked out immediately. It's a hellish place to be, for sure, but it is a very treatable illness, and there is no point in extending your sufferring unnecessarily. No amount of exhortation to look at the bright side, be grateful for what you have, or suck it up will improve your outlook. Though well-intentioned, such advice can actually make you feel even worse.
You shouldn't wait.
Posted by: Garrett | October 21, 2009 7:21 PM
God damnit.
Posted by: Richard Smith
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October 21, 2009 7:31 PM
A bit of an update on their site:
You see, The Lord delayed The Rapture (by 28 days) so that the prophecy in 2 Peter 3:3-4 could be fulfilled.
Wow. Didn't see anything like that coming...
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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October 21, 2009 7:36 PM
Walton, my experience with college recruiters is less than stellar. Some recruiters will come to campus even if they have no available jobs, just to try to ensure their job security. Spring recruiting is typically closer to actual needs than fall. Also, most hiring nowadays is not done by the big entities, but medium and small enterprises, who don't necessarily come to campus, or advertise in nationally (at least in the US). My last job search entailed sending out something like 150 resumes, three interviews, and one job offer. I'm still in that job, and hope to retire from it in a few years.
Posted by: Kausik Datta
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October 21, 2009 9:14 PM
It is now October 21, 21:11 EST. Are we there yet?
*--The Rapture website almost ruptured my spleen--*
Posted by: Janine, Vile Bitch, OM | October 21, 2009 9:22 PM
Yet an other end of the world that I survived. I must have lived through hundreds of these things. Whatever.
Posted by: Nathan | October 22, 2009 12:50 AM
damn.... no rapture. I was sure they were right this time, you can't argue with that math.
I guess this means I have to go to work tomorrow.... lame.
Posted by: EJvS | October 22, 2009 8:31 AM
The rapture did happen. It's just that in fact, nobody *at all* was delivered to heaven. You see, in order to be delivered, you have to *both* believe, *and* be without sin. Those two are mutually exclusive.
Posted by: rawnaeris
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October 22, 2009 10:40 AM
I'm a few posts late, but
(pssssstttttt *looks around* we're all still here!!!.....and it's the 22ed)
Posted by: Dianne
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October 22, 2009 10:43 AM
Maybe the rapture happened and this is Heaven. Funny, I always thought they'd keep the place up better, but who am I to question the unscrutable ways of god?
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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October 22, 2009 10:53 AM
What! No rapture? I'm just shocked! *snicker*
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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October 22, 2009 5:02 PM
Oh shucks, I missed the Rapture again.
Posted by: God | November 13, 2009 1:12 AM
Funny how the comments stopped on 10/22/09...