…and this is a 
Professor Thomas Tang of Middle Tennessee State University has broken the code of silence and revealed one of the vast powers which are conferred upon us when we land an academic job. It's true, professors can send you to hell.
Frustrated over cheating allegations, one professor at Middle Tennessee State University took the idea of a traditional honor code in a controversial direction.
Suspecting that one of his MBA candidates had just cheated on an exam, Professor Thomas Tang had each of them sign a pledge that said if they had cheated, they'd be condemned to an eternity in Hell.
The pledge went on to say if the student cheated they will "be sorry for the rest of [their] life and go to Hell."
Don't worry, though, I only use it sparingly — on students whose cell phones go off in class, on the ones who raise their hands and ask, "Will this be on the test," and on the ones who write "YAY JESUS" on the class evaluation forms at the end of the term.
Oh, and just a hint: don't cut off college professors in traffic.
Education
Comments
Posted by: Brian
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November 5, 2009 9:02 AM
Would you be willing to extend your power to a non-student for a nominal fee? I only have a short list of names here ...
Posted by: Desert Son
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November 5, 2009 9:03 AM
"If there were any justice in the universe, parking would be free, and not using your turn signal would cost $500."
-Johnny Carson
No monarchs,
Robert
Posted by: Martin Brazeau | November 5, 2009 9:10 AM
Proof, once again, that Bob Novak really is* the Prince of Darkness (and a douche).
*I say "is", not "was", since only his corporeal form is dead.
Posted by: John | November 5, 2009 9:15 AM
Do you have to be in their class for the power to be effective, or does it apply universally?
Posted by: Blondin
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November 5, 2009 9:20 AM
I can attest to this power. I had one college prof who pretty much made my life hell for a whole year.
Posted by: Larry | November 5, 2009 9:21 AM
I, for one, welcome our new professorial overlords.
Posted by: Carlie | November 5, 2009 9:27 AM
I am spearheading the rewriting of our collegewide student academic code of conduct. I suddenly have a new idea for the penalty section of the code...
Posted by: darkwins | November 5, 2009 9:28 AM
You know about the EU Court of Human Rights' judgement. that crucifixes in schools offend human rights.
In Austria there is a survey in a local newspaper, if crucifixes should stay in the classrooms.
http://www.krone.at/krone/S153/object_id__2206/kmvote/index.html
QUESTION:
Soll das Kruzifix weiterhin in Klassen hängen? - Should the Crucifix stay in the classrooms?
ANSWERS:
- Ja, das Kruzifix soll bleiben. / Yes, it should stay there.
- Nein, das Kruzifix soll weg. / No, the crucifix should be removed.
- Weiß nicht, ist mir egal. / Don't know, I don't care.
Posted by: Heather | November 5, 2009 9:30 AM
Does this only work for tenured profs or can us lowly assistant profs consign students to hell as well?
Posted by: colonel cocoa | November 5, 2009 9:30 AM
Why not use honey instead of vinegar? Perhaps you could promise a get out of purgatory free card if your students fall to the ground and worship thee. To accept anything less would be an insult. After the assistant grounds keeper carried the Dali Lamas' clubs and was waiting for a tip, the Dali offered no money, but instead a promise of eternal consiousness at the onset of death. Try and be a little nicer.
Posted by: black_wolf72 | November 5, 2009 9:33 AM
As a son of a prof, I confirm that every word is true. My dad and I once spent a vacation there. I saw all those writhing and teeth gnashing students with my own eyes.
Or maybe it was when he let me supervise his class for half an hour while he had to go make some copies (of hell entry pledges no doubt).
Posted by: Thunderbird5 | November 5, 2009 9:34 AM
I just bet he gave some serious consideration to having them swear on the bible - and there being one or more decidedly non-Xtian students was all that stopped him. Hell be just about half-past god-DAMNED if he was gonna start trucking in the Koran.
Its been quite a few years since I was part of the furniture at the student bar of Queen Mary and Westfield, Uni of London (I was in the penultimate intake of students for Westfield before the female-only college was amalgamated with QM - who admittedly had far superior boozing facilities) so I'm seriously unsure as to the current practice re an average uni administration's method(s) of keeping student files...
...But I also just bet the Godly Professor was salved and consoled by thoughts of this personal piety pledge sheet being fixed into the students' Middle Tennessee State University's offical trapper-keeper file.
Posted by: Felix | November 5, 2009 9:37 AM
darkwins,
thanks for the POLL pointer. The pro-crosses-in classrooms voice is now at 70.8%. My single vote shifted the numbers, so this one should be easily pharyngulable.
Posted by: Tim H | November 5, 2009 9:38 AM
I know P Z is a very busy man, but I hope he will take a few seconds next time he is in a grocery store to unleash his powers on those malefactors who use the express lanes when they have too many items. If grocery stores and express lanes had existed in 1400, Dante would have consigned express lane abusers to one of the lowest levels of hell.
Posted by: Heather | November 5, 2009 9:41 AM
Heck, even high school teachers do this! My colleague was missing some scissors he had let the students use in class. He put a note up on the board that said 'anyone who steals scissors will go to Hell!'
He had the scissors back the next day. We still tease him about it, because there are just so many things students can do that should be considered damnable offenses.
Posted by: Tim H | November 5, 2009 9:41 AM
Does this also mean that TAs can send students to Heck for minor infractions?
Posted by: Draken
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November 5, 2009 9:41 AM
It's not uncommon to have such hellbound agreements. Here, for example, is a lady who didn't read the smallprint in her leasing contract and then forgot to pay an installment on her washing machine:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAyQVRGuyKU
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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November 5, 2009 9:43 AM
The best way not to get cut off in this area is to have an old beater with rust, minor dents, and NRA stickers.
Posted by: Joel Jacobson | November 5, 2009 9:47 AM
Thomas Tang? He's already famous for at least two things:
1) Having a soft drink named after him -
2) His sought-after sister, Poon Tang.
The Hell question aside, why should any MBA candidate be condemned for cheating? I would thinks that a desirable trait for working in finance.
Posted by: PZ Myers
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November 5, 2009 9:50 AM
The grocery line thing would be a good idea, except that in Morris, Minnesota there are no grocery store lines.
Posted by: Ric | November 5, 2009 10:01 AM
I suppose community college professors like me can only send you to the now defunct limbo then? Damn it!
Posted by: Ray Moscow | November 5, 2009 10:14 AM
And fear not them which kill the grades, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear the professor which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
Posted by: AJS | November 5, 2009 10:15 AM
One of my old professors had a gloriously simple and fair method for dealing with cheating.
Four identical papers were handed in. Each one would have been worth 18 out of a possible 20 marks. Since it was obvious that four students had been copying from one another, but not obvious who had copied from whom, each was awarded 4.5 out of 20.
Posted by: VelociRaptor | November 5, 2009 10:17 AM
oy, cutting off a professor =|
try crashing you car into one, and having to take his class the next semester
>_
Posted by: firemancarl | November 5, 2009 10:19 AM
Wait, you have traffic in Morris???
Posted by: Attila | November 5, 2009 10:31 AM
In my mind there are only 3 infractions deserving of hellfire:
1. Driving too slow in the fast lane
2. Drinking decaf espresso (many of the same people as #1 oddly enough)
3. Directly linking to PDFs in a URL without warning.
Posted by: SoSayethTheSpider | November 5, 2009 10:45 AM
"will this be on the test" is the comment that will undoubtedly drive me to commit my first murder...
Posted by: idlemind
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November 5, 2009 10:47 AM
I once had it explained to me that saying "damn!" was a much more grievous sin than "God damn!" since in the former case one is blaspheming by claiming power that God alone possesses, while in the latter case one is simply petitioning God to send someone (or something) to perdition.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | November 5, 2009 10:54 AM
Culture shock.
Haaaaa! :-) :-) :-) The Kronen Abstand Zeitung, the newspaper that's too stupid to spell its own name! And the one that's read by literally half of the country, groan.
Somehow, I can't vote, only the results are shown:
WRONG! You mean "being too stupid to mouse over a link before clicking on it". Or maybe "too stupid to have the status bar switched on".
This is also the biggest single reason why any people still fall for phishing.
Posted by: Ray Moscow | November 5, 2009 10:56 AM
Idlemind @28: You're forgetting that "goddamn" is taking the Lord's name intraveneously (in vein).
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | November 5, 2009 10:58 AM
Grammar FAIL.
Posted by: Randall | November 5, 2009 11:01 AM
According to the linked story, "Tang said he based his pledge on an academic study showing students who read the Ten Commandments before an exam were less likely to cheat."
Someone should do a study to see whether state university professors who read the First Amendment before beginning a lecture are less likely to commit church-state violations.
Posted by: Michael Simpson | November 5, 2009 11:05 AM
I find Minneapolis drivers to be about the most polite ever. And I took advantage of it all the time. When there's a long line of cars at a freeway off ramp, every driver pulls in at the back of the line, very politely. I would take advantage of the social order of Minnesotans by driving to the front, putting on my signal, and someone would let me in. I realized that everyone assumed I had made a mistake, so the let me in.
I know, I'm evil.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 5, 2009 11:06 AM
I just hope you have no power over Santa Claus. That matters next month, not years from now.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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November 5, 2009 11:12 AM
But how can we tell? Do you wear funny hats? I mean, outside graduation ceremonies.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | November 5, 2009 11:14 AM
hm. Well, now that the beans have been spilled out of the catbag I can say that I've got a couple of sorority girls this semester up in the back left of the lecture hall who are gonna roast forEVER!!!!
In answer to earlier questions, yes, assistant professors can consign students to Hell, but TAs can only send them to the DMV for an afternoon. Hope this helps.
Posted by: Deiloh
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November 5, 2009 11:17 AM
I'm hosed. I was a religious nut and a bad driver in college.
Posted by: Abdul Alhazred
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November 5, 2009 11:18 AM
No no no no.
You cannot sign away your soul. That's a lie of the Devil.
Cheat on the test and give your soul to Christ afterward.
YAY JESUS.
:p
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | November 5, 2009 11:18 AM
Actually, more kind of an asshole, IMO. Don't try that shit on the Southern State Parkway. Or 128 in Boston.
Posted by: Deepsix | November 5, 2009 11:19 AM
From the article:
"In his class of 24, Tang said he believe one of the students was cheating on an exam and wanted it to stop.
The form he handed students began with a refresher course on the Ten Commandments and asked them to sign a pledge that they did not cheat on an examination a week earlier.
"I have neither given nor received assistance during completion of the examination ... If I have cheated last week, then I (fill in name) have violated God's Ten Commandments, will be sorry for the rest of my life and go to hell," the form read.
The students were asked to sign and date the form.
More here: http://www.dnj.com/article/20091104/NEWS01/911040324/Students-given-choice-to-admit-cheating-or-risk--hell-&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL
Posted by: Lemming | November 5, 2009 11:20 AM
AAAAGGHH!! "Will this be on the test?" is quite possibly one of the most unenlightening classroom questions of all time. Whenever I hear it, somethings snaps inside of me. My body goes rigid and all processes halt as terse vagueness and dismissive sarcasm do battle to determine which will ultimately respond.
Posted by: bobxxxx | November 5, 2009 11:21 AM
Morris has traffic?
Posted by: Sili
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November 5, 2009 11:30 AM
Finally a good use of all that guilt.
Posted by: Alyson Miers
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November 5, 2009 11:32 AM
I might have tried this with my high school classes during my Peace Corps assignment, except that would have required the students to listen to me long enough to get the pledge. In all fairness, the list of proscribed behaviors would have made it an awfully long pledge and not many people could pay attention that long.
Can I darn them to heck anyway? Like, retroactively?
*iz still angry*
Posted by: MS | November 5, 2009 11:45 AM
Of course the perfect answer to "Will this be on the test?" is "It will now."
Posted by: uppity cracka | November 5, 2009 12:02 PM
i'd sign it.
but then later, when i say my prayers (footy pajamas, night light), i'd repent for lying and pull the old double-cross on that professor! i'm super clever.
Posted by: Epicanis | November 5, 2009 12:02 PM
That's it! Funding for scientific research is now a solved issue!
Remember "indulgences" - you could "buy" a sort of get-out-of-divine-punishment-free card from the church.
Judging by a few of the comments, a similar sale of professorial maledictions ought to be a lucrative source of research-funding income!
Posted by: dogmeatib | November 5, 2009 12:06 PM
Mine was only a semester, pretty much every week questioned what the hell I was doing in grad school and if, just maybe, "you want fries with that?" was a proper career goal for me. Problem is, the old bastard did make me a better historian ... didn't have to neuter me in the process though...
Posted by: Stephen P | November 5, 2009 12:07 PM
The way to handle that one is to look thoughtful, say "that's a good idea" and make a note on a piece of paper. That way the student gets hell from the rest of the class.
Posted by: JRitter | November 5, 2009 12:21 PM
My parents grew up in Chokio, MN (about 20 minutes from Morris) and my extended family still lives there. Trust me, compared to Chokio, Morris is absolutely stop and go.
Posted by: qbsmd | November 5, 2009 12:22 PM
Or using those stupid tinyurl things to obscure where the link goes.
Posted by: PZ Myers
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November 5, 2009 12:30 PM
Yes, we have a rush minute every workday. I've sometimes seen cars stacked up in lines of 3 or 4 in front of one of the two stop lights we have in the county.
You think I'm exaggerating? I'm stating the plain simple facts here, people!
Posted by: allium | November 5, 2009 12:31 PM
Make friends with the geology department and I'm sure you could get a pretty good flaming chasm going, what with their tectonic N-ray projectors and such.
To paraphrase Eddie Izzard, it's 70% how you look, 20% how you sound, 10% whom you damn.
Posted by: Gilby | November 5, 2009 1:19 PM
I think The Simpsons is an appropriate source, here:
"If I [cheat], may I go straight to hell, where I will eat not but burning hot coals and drink not but burning hot cola. Where firery demons will prod me in the back. Where my soul will be chopped into confetti, strewn upon an endless parade of murderers and single mothers. Where ravenous bird will peck out my tongue...."
Posted by: Rick McWilliams | November 5, 2009 1:21 PM
I was an undergraduate at Harvey Mudd college. Some of us would like to sport with the honor system. One time the professor, that we called Von Drag, said that it was ok to collude on homework. Two of us decided to push this to the limit. We would do the assignment, exhange homework, cross the other name off, add our own then turn it in. The teaching assistant, an Xian, went into conniptions. It was fun, but stressful. I would get a full ration of shit from my buddy if I did not do an excellent job on the homework.
Posted by: Joffan | November 5, 2009 1:43 PM
Is there some sort of hierarchy of damnation powers? Like full professors can send you to hell, assistant professors can send you to heck, professors on sabbatical can send you to limbo, and grad students can send you to Walmart.
Posted by: Attila | November 5, 2009 1:47 PM
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM
"3. Directly linking to PDFs in a URL without warning.
WRONG! You mean "being too stupid to mouse over a link before clicking on it". Or maybe "too stupid to have the status bar switched on".
This is also the biggest single reason why any people still fall for phishing."
Right, and I am sure no one but me has ever been a site that they trust and clicked on a link w/o checking the status bar to read an ARTICLE, not go to a banking site or download software.
I am sorry I see I need to update the list
4. Being so humor challenged that you can't see an obvious joke and need to assume the person is stupid.
Or is it that you are the one that direct links to PDFs and felt slighted. Either way I will see you in hell. [Close captioned for the humor impaired. No I don't believe in a literal hell, and this is intended as humor since if the Christians be some incredibly improbable miracle are right. We are all there anyway.]
Posted by: Carlie | November 5, 2009 2:26 PM
"If I [cheat], may I go straight to hell, where I will eat not but burning hot coals and drink not but burning hot cola. Where firery demons will prod me in the back. Where my soul will be chopped into confetti, strewn upon an endless parade of murderers and single mothers. Where ravenous bird will peck out my tongue...."
BART DID IT!
Posted by: JPS, FCD | November 5, 2009 3:06 PM
David M @ 31,
What's your complaint with idlemind's grammar? (I need to know to help me do the job of teaching ESL in Latin America correctly.)
Posted by: sailor1031 | November 5, 2009 3:08 PM
you did write "middle tennessee state university " did you not? what more need be said or written?
Posted by: Ian | November 5, 2009 3:29 PM
Perhaps someone should explain to the good professor (I'm sure Professor Tang thinks he is a good person) that it is the job of Satan and his minions to collect souls for Hell, not Christians.
Posted by: Joffan | November 5, 2009 3:40 PM
Grammar Nazi FAIL :-PPosted by: 'Tis Himself
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November 5, 2009 4:45 PM
If I had been told to sign such a pledge, especially when I was in grad school, I would have written NO FUCKING WAY AM I SIGNING THIS!, preferably in red marker or crayon if either was available. I would then have stood up in class and told the professor that his pledge was the most stupid thing I'd come across in years, crumpled up the paper, and thrown it at him.
If Tang wants to play silly games, let him do it on his own time and not waste class time.
Posted by: Mike H | November 5, 2009 5:01 PM
Well, I'm not surprised. It only makes sense, since I'm pretty sure most of my professors came from hell.
Posted by: John Power | November 5, 2009 5:52 PM
Why would a professor want to send cheats to the town of Hell in Norway?
Just to help him out, here are directions from Oslo (using Google maps).
Driving directions to Hell, Norway
524 km – about 7 hours 40 mins
Suggested routes
Route 3
524 km 7 hours 40 mins
E6
592 km 9 hours 0 mins
Oslo
Norway
1. Head southeast on Karl Johans gate toward Rosenkrantz' gate
5 m
2. Take the 1st right onto Rosentrantz gate
85 m
3. Take the 1st left onto Stortingsgata
90 m
4. Turn right at Nedre Vollgate
0.1 km
5. Turn left at Tollbugata
0.6 km
6. Turn left at Strandgata
82 m
7. Turn right at Prinsens gate
88 m
8. At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto the E18 ramp
0.4 km
9. Slight left at E18
0.5 km
10. Continue onto Route 190 (signs for Trondheim/Ekeberg)
5.9 km
11. Continue onto E6
102 km
12. Merge onto Route 3 via the ramp to Tynset/Trysil/Elverum
18.8 km
13. Turn right at Route 25/Route 3
10.7 km
14. Turn left at Route 3/Trondheimsvegen
Continue to follow Route 3
188 km
15. Slight left to stay on Route 3
72.9 km
16. Slight right at E6
79.5 km
17. Slight right to stay on E6 (signs for Trondheim/E6)
11.0 km
18. Exit onto E6/Omkjøringsvegen toward E14/Narvik
Continue to follow E6
Partial toll road
24.9 km
19. Take the exit toward Hommelvik
0.4 km
20. Turn left toward Malvikvegen
0.7 km
21. Continue straight onto Malvikvegen
6.5 km
Hell
Norway
Posted by: Anders from Sweden | November 5, 2009 6:03 PM
I can confirm that even highschool teathers have that pover as well. But I rarely use it. Only when:
* Cheating
* "On what page does the geometry chapter start?"
* "Do we need our mathbooks in this class?"
* "I can't do the test, I've no pen."
* And most important: DIVIDING WITH 0!
Posted by: Anders from Sweden | November 5, 2009 6:14 PM
Maybee we all missunderstood. He meant Hell in Michigan, small town.
Posted by: Dust
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November 5, 2009 8:51 PM
As a former college student, please don't use the going to hell power sparingly in this situation--be very generous!
Posted by: Chris | November 5, 2009 10:39 PM
Uggghhhh and I live in middle, Tn! I'm a sophomore at franklin highschool and I can assure you not everyone here is a loon. But might I add, that I grew up in MN. Winona, Minnesota! But my friends and I are secular for the most part and we love debating the Jebus freaks. Thanks for the post PZ now I can look for a better college. Maybe yours perhaps!
Posted by: Chris | November 5, 2009 10:41 PM
Uggghhhh and I live in middle, Tn! I'm a sophomore at franklin highschool and I can assure you not everyone here is a loon. But might I add, that I grew up in MN. Winona, Minnesota! But my friends and I are secular for the most part and we love debating the Jebus freaks. Thanks for the post PZ now I can look for a better college. Maybe yours perhaps!
Posted by: Masks of Eris | November 6, 2009 4:51 AM
Anders at #67:
But if they behave, will they be sent to Paradise, Michigan instead?
"Welcome, class. Michigan awaits you... and there is no escape!"
Posted by: wheatdogg | November 6, 2009 9:11 AM
High school teachers do not normally have powers of damnation (P.O.D.), but I have learned that joining a professional organization that also admits professors confers limited P.O.D. to lowly high school teachers. Apparently, just being near professors does the trick. The effect wears off, however, requiring repeated visits to professional organization conferences to regain limited P.O.D.
Some principals are in on this secret, and support their faculty's acquisition of even limited P.O.D. Others are clueless, and thus do not provide support for professional development (also known as PD, no "o" in the middle). These principals do not know what awaits them in the afterlife -- eternal detention duty.
Limited P.O.D. enables the high school teacher to send several young perpetrators only to the upper levels of Hell. However, by careful budgeting of one's power, it is possible to send one really really bad student each year all the down to the bottom reaches of Hell. There they will sit in eternal detention with those aforesaid clueless principals.
See, there is justice in the (after)world.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself
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November 6, 2009 9:59 AM
"Welcome, class. Michigan awaits you... and there is no escape!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZL_tZxyBDo
Posted by: Erica Klein | November 6, 2009 12:56 PM
I condemn to hell the ones who come in late and ask 'did I miss anything important?'
No, I was just blathering on, waiting for you to arrive to say anything important.
Posted by: Zar
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November 6, 2009 1:04 PM
I'm just a lowly adjunct. Maybe I can still darn people to heck?
Posted by: Theron | November 6, 2009 8:11 PM
My academic hell is populated by students who ask "have you graded our test yet?" That and the professors who give multiple choice exams that lead students to think that all tests get graded in, oh, five minutes.
Posted by: Jamie | November 6, 2009 8:21 PM
In high school, my classmates never cheated in classes in which we respected the teacher. So we never cheated on those hard AP Calculus tests because our teacher was a dedicated, awesome teacher, but we cheated in AP English because we didn't care what the jerk of a teacher who was so full of himself thought.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself
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November 6, 2009 8:59 PM
If you didn't ask questions like "A Serb nationalist shoots the heir of the Austro-Hungarian Empire and a month later Europe is grasping desperately for the full implications of Belgian neutrality. Explain how going from Sarajevo to Brussels in 34 days brought about British involvement in World War I" then it wouldn't take you so long to grade tests.
Posted by: Rob | November 8, 2009 6:41 PM
whether we like it or not, students consider teachers role models. Their values and ethics can really do a lot of harm.
Posted by: RadFemHedonist | November 9, 2009 6:57 AM
As somebody with ADHD who finds it really hard to get to class on time and somebody who's been so depressed lately that all I can worry about is passing my next maths test and staying alive, thanks a lot for displaying a complete lack of empathy (and you know what, I love maths, it's one of my favourite subjects, I also have a lovely parade of intrusive thoughts in my head telling me I'm worthless and deserve to suffer unremittingly all the time, astoundingly, it's not having the best effect on my ability to learn and pay attention in class). Making jokes about sending someone to hell? Yeah really hilarious, it's nice to know you hate students that much. And there are some teachers who do joke around with their classes or make announcements about events that you may not be able to afford to go to at the beginning of class, so sometimes you really didn't miss anything relevant to you, if the teacher spent the first few minutes of class reprimanding a student who was causing trouble, ditto. I don't make jokes about sending to hell everyone who's ever donated an unlabelled CD-R compilation, or taken a CD out of the case and run off with it or gotten stickiness on a book at the volunteer shop where I work, because hell doesn't exist (at any rate there's no evidence that it does) and making jokes about eternal torture isn't funny, they're JOKES about TORTURE (I'm not shouting, I'm just not sure what code to use for italics).