…and this is a 
Our problem is that we men don't stand up when we pee. Obama probably sits down when he should pisseth against the wall.
This isn't a joke. It's what this guy seriously believes, and he's very angry about it.
Somehow, I get the idea that Steven L. Anderson, the flaming anti-gay pastor, has these dreams in which he stands shoulder to shoulder with a long line of men, and they all unzip and flip out their penises and spray a mighty stream forth, together, with pride and joy…and he feels good about these dreams. Glory!
Comments
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | November 17, 2009 10:42 AM
I'll give them this, they do come up with some arguments(?) I could never have imagined.
Posted by: Christophe Thill | November 17, 2009 10:44 AM
That's just... weird. I think something went wrong in his early childhood.
Posted by: Rob | November 17, 2009 10:46 AM
Jesus General had a field-day with this guy and his pissing fetish.
Posted by: Holytape | November 17, 2009 10:47 AM
Really men do jumping jacks, and wear rubber suits.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 17, 2009 10:49 AM
Damn, why do all of those urinals exist?
I know I don't like sitting down on them when I pee.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p
Posted by: Lilith | November 17, 2009 10:49 AM
Who cares about peeing posture?
We want to hear about the debate, dammit!
Posted by: Randomfactor | November 17, 2009 10:50 AM
Each time that phrase is used in the bible, it describes someone god is pissethed with.
Methinks the good pastor hath a death with. Sorry, I mean a death wish.
Posted by: Valdyr | November 17, 2009 10:50 AM
I don't want to hear this guy talk about his fetishes. Any fetishes. This is nightmare fuel.
Now I can't stop thinking about it, though. Ugh. Bet you five bucks he has BDSM fantasies of being spanked by Jesus for being a naughty pastor.
Posted by: Greg Laden
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November 17, 2009 10:51 AM
When I read "...and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall.-" I wonder what a Jeroboam is and if someone is going to cut it off.
Posted by: Porco Dio | November 17, 2009 10:51 AM
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha
more crazy yankee garbage
Posted by: Standard curve
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November 17, 2009 10:51 AM
I bet his mom really hated cleaning toilets and forced him to sit down to piss, leaving him scarred for life.
Posted by: Randomfactor | November 17, 2009 10:53 AM
Y'know, it just occurred to me that the guy's focusing on the wrong half of the quote.
God doesn't care if you're sitting or standing. It's that damned indoor plumbing he's upset with. What the hell do you think walls are for, sinner?
No man can use indoor plumbing and call himself a Christian.
Posted by: Aquaria
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November 17, 2009 10:53 AM
What
the
Fuck?
Oh--I get it. He's operating under the notion that gay = emasculated = turned into one of those icky girls.
Careful there, Stevie, your Freudian slip is peeking out of the closet.
Posted by: Lee Picton
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November 17, 2009 10:54 AM
Like most of these whack jobs, they use many, many many words to say absolutely nothing. I'm not even sure what his point is, if any. But he sure has an obsession with pissing.
Posted by: Brownian, OM
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November 17, 2009 10:55 AM
Bah. I can't be bothered to listen to this bullshit. Why does this kind of Iron John men's movement shite appeal so much to the religious? My born-again former roommate used to rail against the 'sissification' of men and the evils of feminism all the time, citing the appropriate bible verses in support, of course.
It's kinda hard to take seriously anybody who claims he'd be more 'manly' if only all those metrosexuals and uppity feminist women would let him.
Posted by: RamblinDude
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November 17, 2009 10:55 AM
I pee sitting down when I go number 2. Is that wrong?
Posted by: Quidam
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November 17, 2009 10:55 AM
Randomfactor beat me to it.
I find it a bit strange that he's hooked on the standing up thing. The Bible says nothing about sitting or standing, it what you piss on that it is mentioned. So it's not whether you sit or stand that's important it's that you piss on the wall and not in a toilet. Oh and I have it on good authority that girls can piss on walls too if they try.
I'd hate to see his house.
Posted by: Bruce | November 17, 2009 10:55 AM
I personally do it standing.
I think the big problem may be pastors hanging around men's rooms to watch what other men do with their private parts.
Posted by: jimmiraybob | November 17, 2009 10:56 AM
Whoever has to clean the toilet (and surrounds) should set the rules.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | November 17, 2009 10:57 AM
Did he talk about how eating soy was turning our children into teh gehz
Posted by: Levi in NY | November 17, 2009 10:58 AM
Why would you piss against a wall? Unless you want splashback piss all over your pants...
Posted by: nigelTheBold
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November 17, 2009 10:59 AM
Wow! I completely missed that quote in the Bible.
When in the hell can we stop being assaulted by the transcribed and translated dictations of a fictional being who sounds more like Cartman than a source of enlightenment?
"Haya. Sinner! You can't come in my playhouse! You can't come in my playhouse! Now piss against that wall. And bring me some cheesy poofs."
But, one of my coworkers asked me today, "If you don't get spirituality from the Bible, where do you get it?"
Posted by: Zernk | November 17, 2009 10:59 AM
The problem with standing up to pee is that I get splashback on my high heels.
Posted by: Randomfactor | November 17, 2009 11:00 AM
Can we expect a "God Hates Plumbing" sign at the next Phelps sighting?
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | November 17, 2009 11:03 AM
If I'm ever invited to the pastor's house, and we all know it's pretty likely I will be, I'm pissing on his wall. Every wall.
Posted by: Gruesome Rob | November 17, 2009 11:03 AM
Same place a fish gets a bicycle?
Posted by: X. Wolp | November 17, 2009 11:03 AM
That's weird, I'm from Germany and 90% of the rest rooms have urinals..
Some older buildings even have what we affectionately refer to as "piss drain"
Posted by: Caustic Gnostic | November 17, 2009 11:03 AM
Is it true that men are prohibited from micturating from a standing position after 2200 in Auld Blighty?
Posted by: marcia | November 17, 2009 11:05 AM
What's our pastor friend gonna say about this? Huh, pastor? Huh?
A Paper Cup That Women Can Use To Piss Into Urinals
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOLuVcmby6I
Posted by: Chuck | November 17, 2009 11:06 AM
So let me get this straight ... he goes from "God will destroyeth any man who pisseth against the wall" to "what's wrong with this country is that we pee sitting down!"
Whatever happened to literal interpretation?
Chuck
http://www.irreligiosophy.com
Posted by: Slaughter | November 17, 2009 11:06 AM
Glen at #5:
I laughed out loud at that! Reminds me of the Randy Quaid scene in "Kingpin."
I once came across a guy using a urinal for a toilet at a basement bar. He apologized, since the bar didn't have a toilet. I noted that the restaurant up the stairs did.
Did I mention that he was drunk?
Posted by: Strangest brew
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November 17, 2009 11:06 AM
Who say's that religion is not either a...
1.fetish
2.mental incapacity
3.unsanitary belief
4.anally retentive affliction
5.sexual deviance
6.juvenile curiosity
7.all of the above
I think secretly chummy wants to take a firm grasp of President Obama's sceptre of power and enjoy the golden rain of heaven!
Dude is a pervert...no doubt!
Posted by: Alyson Miers
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November 17, 2009 11:07 AM
Zernk is my hero.
I suppose all those other religions with their non-Bible holy scriptures don't count as spiritual.
But seriously, though, good question. And if you don't sniff nail polish, how do you kill your brain cells?
Posted by: FlameDuck | November 17, 2009 11:07 AM
I'm pretty sure that the only reason some men stand up and pee, is because their penises are too short to be effectively used sitting down. Present company excluded of course. :)
Posted by: Blondin
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November 17, 2009 11:07 AM
I've never been to Germany. Is it true that German men's rooms have signs asking you to "sit through entire performance"? Does that mean they don't have urinals in Germany? Is that only in Germany or is that common in Europe?
Posted by: Richard Eis | November 17, 2009 11:10 AM
So, god thinks pissing against walls is bad and will destroy men for doing it? and doing it makes you more of a man...got it.
I didn't realise being a man was so bloody dangerous.
Posted by: Pryce | November 17, 2009 11:11 AM
This dude has a golden shower fetish, guaranteed.
Posted by: Bodach | November 17, 2009 11:12 AM
He tosses in some numerology: pisseth is mentioned six times, 5 means death. etc.
Keep them womens a few steps behind you and piss on the wall to show you're a man.
Wanktard.
Posted by: Richard Eis | November 17, 2009 11:12 AM
-Is that only in Germany or is that common in Europe?-
I NEVER saw this in germany and I was there for a year.
Posted by: Matt Penfold | November 17, 2009 11:12 AM
There is a pub in the UK where men have traditionally peed up against a wall.
Microbiologists have discovered that a bacteria has evolved that can handle all that urea and ammonia that is not found anywhere else.
Posted by: DaveX | November 17, 2009 11:13 AM
The really freaky part is that he has a bunch of people tithing 10% of their earnings to hear this garbage!
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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November 17, 2009 11:13 AM
Real men pee standing up, wherever the hell they are standing when they get the urge! Yeah!
....I need to go pee now.
Posted by: Lukas | November 17, 2009 11:14 AM
@Blondin: It's not true. Germany has urinals, just like everywhere else, and I've never seen a "sit down" sign in a public restroom in Germany. He probably just made it up to make his point, whatever that point was.
Posted by: dutchdoc
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November 17, 2009 11:16 AM
"God will destroyeth any man who pisseth against the wall" and "I will cut off from Ahab everyone who urinates against a wall" .. to ME, sound like EXCELLENT reasons to sit down while pee-ing!
And what's so special about Germany? I know MANY countries where you get arrested for pee-ing against a wall!
This guys isn't for real, is he?
I'm calling PEE on him!
Posted by: Slaughter | November 17, 2009 11:21 AM
"God will destroyeth any man who pisseth against the wall"?
Uh-oh. I know a guy who pissed on the outside wall of the since-razed Newsroom Bar in downtown Phoenix. He and his buds dubbed it the Shroud of Urine.
Posted by: Brownian, OM
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November 17, 2009 11:22 AM
I think he knew he was widely considered to be a closet case and so he shied away from that topic lest he invite a "thou doth protest too much, methinks". No, it was all the fault of women, according to him.
Posted by: Richard Smith | November 17, 2009 11:23 AM
@Caustic Gnostic (#28):
Well, at least that gives them another 190 years to bask in their manliness...
Hey, the Knights Templar were just founded (1119); wonder what they'd have to say about urinating on masonry...
Posted by: Ol' Greg | November 17, 2009 11:23 AM
One thing I remember from Germany is that, although there are definitely urinals, many men piss against the walls... outside... of buildings. Women do it too, although they usually squat.
Posted by: Alyson Miers
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November 17, 2009 11:24 AM
EXPERIMENT!!!! Put some of that in a test tube with some of Lenski's super-evolved E. coli and see which species of bacteria dominates the other!
Posted by: otrame
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November 17, 2009 11:24 AM
You know, the problem isn't guys like that. It's the ones sitting in that church nodding their heads. That's the problem.
Posted by: Mike B.
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November 17, 2009 11:25 AM
So he goes to Germany, misinterprets their signs for "no public urination" as "no urination standing up", and then goes on a tirade about how he always stands up to pee?
I can't believe people are actually this stupid. Idiocracy is coming true.
Posted by: ajbjasus | November 17, 2009 11:26 AM
I must say that I missed the logical connection between not pissing against a wall, and not sitting down ? Surely if you're sitting down you aren't pissing against the wall, so that should be okay ?
What would he make of this, I wonder ? It's good for the planet, mind, so might slow up the rapture.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cambridgeshire/8357134.stm
Posted by: jcaps | November 17, 2009 11:26 AM
So the problem with America is Germans pee sitting down? WTF?
Posted by: Brownian, OM
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November 17, 2009 11:27 AM
Fascinating. More information on that if you please, Matt.
Posted by: o|o | November 17, 2009 11:28 AM
"I've never been to Germany. Is it true that German men's rooms have signs asking you to "sit through entire performance"? Does that mean they don't have urinals in Germany? Is that only in Germany or is that common in Europe?"
It's complete bullshit. Urinals can be found everywhere, and there is much annoyance about men spraying all over the floor while pissing standing up and leaving the toilet seat upright. That insane idiot may have been to Germany for a couple of months, and his wife may be German, but they have very selective memories, or most likely are flat out lying, sorry, bearing false witness.
I do sit down though, most of the time, my mother thought me that as a kid because she was fed up with cleaning after men spraying their piss all over. In some people's houses in Europe you will see notes or signs asking you to sit down, as a courtesy, as to keep the toilet clean.
That is what it is, a courtesy. But he apparently likes the idea of his wife on her knees scrubbing away his piss. He doesn't come across as the kind of person that would think is as his job.
And if he thinks he can get away with saying you are not a real man (whatever retarded definition he has of that) if you piss sitting down, let him tell some German punker hooligan that in the face (I know some that sit down), I'd get front row seats for that.
Pussy ass pervert. (And a sloth, too lazy to pull down his pants)
Posted by: Fred The Hun | November 17, 2009 11:29 AM
Blondin @ 35,
I've been to Germany, my brother and sister have lived there for over a quarter of a century and I've never heard of any such thing! I will forward the YouTube link to them to see what they think.
Of course most men in Germany do tend to piss in the urinals not on the walls...
Posted by: darvolution proponentsist | November 17, 2009 11:29 AM
Hmm, biblical watersports.
I'm detecting some sort of bronze age version of rule 34 here.
Posted by: JJR
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November 17, 2009 11:29 AM
ZOMG. So now we can add "pees like a girl" to the list of rightwing nutjob beliefs about Obama....
I know I have to stand up to truly feel like I've emptied the bladder comfortably. Sure, I pee when I'm ridding myself of the solid waste too, but it's not uncommon for me to finish #2 then proceed to the urinals to finish the job on #1.
I can't drink a cola at the movies, or before a car trip...it just goes right through me and I end up having to pee like a racehorse within 10 minutes or so. Beer was even worse for me, where it felt like I'd spend a quarter of the evening in the gents, releasing like a firehose and moaning like a banshee. Can't believe I used to think that was "fun".
Posted by: realinterrobang
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November 17, 2009 11:30 AM
My dad sits down all the time. He said he got into the habit because before he retired, he was a commercial pilot, and according to him, it's much more difficult for someone to roll you for your cash and ID if you're sitting down in a locked stall than if you're standing at a urinal. (I don't have firsthand experience with this, given that the restrooms I customarily use don't have urinals.) Plus, he says it's also less messy at home. Given that my parents' bathroom is carpeted, I'm inclined to agree; I doubt he liked cleaning piss-splashes out of carpet, and I doubt like hell my mother would have done it for him.
I should tell him that they're going to revoke his macho card, as if drinking mint herbal tea, writing award-winning poetry, and doing yoga weren't enough! That might get him a little bit, considering that he's touchy enough on the subject to dislike eating from flowered plates. (He says the flowers make the food taste funny...)
Posted by: Blondin
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November 17, 2009 11:30 AM
Oh, THAT Pastor Steve. This is the guy who is praying for Obama to die. Didn't he get tazered or something recently?
http://www.yumasun.com/news/phoenix-53949-pastor-smith.html
Posted by: Aaron P. | November 17, 2009 11:30 AM
Here is the crazy piss-fetish man's webpage. Talk about being brainwashed.
http://www.faithfulwordbaptist.org/page2.html
Posted by: Islander | November 17, 2009 11:30 AM
Pee Z
I'll show myself out.
Posted by: Steve | November 17, 2009 11:32 AM
Methinks he doth froth in the name of the lord.
;)
Posted by: littlejohn | November 17, 2009 11:32 AM
I often sit to pee. And I'm a real man. A real OLD man.
When you get to my age, you take any opportunity to sit down.
I wonder if this guy has any idea how absolutely rug-chewing, rat-fucking, sexual-obsessed, bat-shit crazy he sounds.
Posted by: Bater
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November 17, 2009 11:33 AM
I remember that passage from long ago when I was in the high school (in Israel we’re required to take bible classes at school) – the passage says nothing about god approving or disproving with men peeing standing up, the passage is of someone (I think it was one of the prophets) that is about to storm an enemy city and “leave no one that can piss against the wall”, it’s just a crude way of saying “I'm going to kill every men in town”. I remember it quite clearly because our bible teacher had a hard time reading it aloud and I had a fit of laughter when she finally blurted it out.
It sound as if pastor Anderson has some unresolved issues with…something to do with peeing if he read all that meaning into this simple bible passage.
Posted by: Valhar2000 | November 17, 2009 11:34 AM
Well, I pee sitting down on the toilet, but if I'm in the countryside, I pee standing up. In fact, whenever possible, I like to pee over a cliff, or, if not that, direct the flow at an upward 45º angle, to make it reach as far as possible.
Neither of these two possibilities are acceptable on a toilet, though, so that's why I settle for sitting down, to at least keep things clean, if I can't have fun.
Posted by: Scrabcake | November 17, 2009 11:34 AM
Bet he's making that Germany shit up because he knows 99.99997% of his mouth breathing audience has never left the state. I'm surprised he didn't use france. Maybe because someone might call him on the fact that he's never been there?
As far as him that pisseth against the walls, apparently it is ancient hebrew slang for "male", but I'm wondering if it doesn't have any additional connotations. I feel that if they simply wanted to say male, they would have left it with "him" instead of "him that pisseth" or whatever the Hebrew equivalents were. Maybe "him" is just a masculine ending on the verb pisseth? Anyway, I wonder if it doesn't have connotations indicating that god doesn't just want to cast out males, but males showing disrespect for a particular building by pissing on its walls?
Posted by: Knockgoats
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November 17, 2009 11:35 AM
Pee-Poe?
Posted by: MAJeff, OM
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November 17, 2009 11:35 AM
After enough beer, or even when groggy in the morning, pissing while standing is definitely not advisable.
Posted by: Slaughter | November 17, 2009 11:38 AM
JJR @ 58 said:
"Beer was even worse for me, where it felt like I'd spend a quarter of the evening in the gents, releasing like a firehose and moaning like a banshee. Can't believe I used to think that was 'fun'."
I know what you mean. At least some places post newspapers above the urinals. First time I saw that when I was in my 20s I thought it was kind of neat, but I quickly did my business and was out of there.
In my 30s, I tended to read the paper.
In my 40s, I wished they didn't have the paper encased in glass so I could turn the pages.
Now I'm in my 50s, and I think they should post books there.
That's one thing that I have found out -- now that I'm older, I read faster!
Posted by: Islander | November 17, 2009 11:40 AM
Pastor Steve has an Article on Dawkins on his webpage under "Pro-life studies." It's pretty shameless; he claims Dawkins supports the eugenics program.
Posted by: Victor | November 17, 2009 11:40 AM
Many translations, not just the King James, use the "him that pisseth (or urinates) against the wall" phrase, so he's wrong on that. Also, other translations use a term to signify immature males, so, for all extents and purposes, he's comparing himself to a child with poor toilet etiquette.
Posted by: Matt Penfold | November 17, 2009 11:40 AM
I read it the last 6 months or so, but am having trouble remembering where.
I seem to recall the pub was in the West Country.
Sorry I cannot be of more help at the moment. I will try to recall, and check out the books I might have read it in.
Posted by: Kemist | November 17, 2009 11:42 AM
Indeed.
My dad often cleans the toilet - his part of the house cleaning chores.
And he does sit down to pee, obviously. Who likes having to clean up urine from all over the walls ? Or having bathroom rugs that stink of piss, and encourage your pets to, er, add some more ?
Posted by: Greg M | November 17, 2009 11:42 AM
Sitzpinkler aller Länder, vereinigt euch!
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | November 17, 2009 11:44 AM
Advertising above the toilet is the thing these days (well it's not that new).
I had a guy call me from a restaurant where I have a number of my photographs hanging. He wanted to sell me advertising space above toilets in 5 cities for my photo biz...
Um, no thanks.
Posted by: Desert Son, OM
|
November 17, 2009 11:44 AM
For all the talk about saving souls and the sanctity of the immaterial, they sure do spend alot of time worrying about the physical systems involved in waste processing and disposal, procreation, and recreation.
Funny, ain't it, how theology seems to end up focusing more on biology? Might as well study biology!
[New complementary close under construction],
Robert
Posted by: Abstruse | November 17, 2009 11:44 AM
This isn't the first time I've heard this German-men-pee-sitting-down thing. Last time, it was accompanied with the claim that "sitzpissen" (or something like that) was an insult for the unmanly.
Posted by: AJ Milne
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November 17, 2009 11:45 AM
Oh, come now, people... It's obvious what happened here...
See, I figure this was a bedroom game of his... The partner (or one of them) is running the camera. What happened after, hey, that's their business... But if people get turned on by pretending to be or by doing it with people pretending to be closeted, psychotically weird hayseed preachers, hey, whatever... There's no accountin' fer tastes...
Anyway, see, I figure then they had a falling out, and the video got uploaded to the web... Happens all the time, I'm sure...
Embarrassing, yes, but please, let us not mock the man. This was a private matter, clearly, and it's just distasteful to abet his jilted ex like this even by viewing it, let alone by posting and commenting... It's not like he's a public figure who appears on on radio shows and who collects money from an actual audience who may actually buy this crazy schti... Um... Erm... Whuh...?
Oh.
(/Well, okay... My bad... So he is, after all a public figure, and may actually be serious, at least as far as collecting a cheque for doing this stuff... But I'm still betting at least that the sex game getting out of hand/sex tape uploaded by bitter ex lover thing is probably how his present career originally got started, anyway.)
Posted by: daveau
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November 17, 2009 11:47 AM
If God wanted men to pee sitting down, he wouldn't have created urinals. Duh.
Posted by: Janine The Ineffable, OM | November 17, 2009 11:48 AM
Let me see if I got this right. God wants killed in a town all of those who pisses on the wall. The praise is use six times in the KJB. Because of some biblical numerology, this means that men must piss while standing.
Has this man ever had a rational thought in his life? He thinks he is being defiant by using a urinal.
Posted by: Bill Dauphin, OM | November 17, 2009 11:49 AM
At the risk of TMI, I must confess that this is only one of two grievously unmanly bathroom behaviors I'm guilty of, the other being taking baths (whenever possible) instead of showers.
However, I plead necessity in both cases: If it weren't for sitting down in the bathroom (whether on the toilet or in the bathtub), I'd never get any reading done!
Posted by: Darren Garrison | November 17, 2009 11:53 AM
Hasn't some site had a thread on this guy a while back?
Oh, wait-- found it:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/08/steve_anderson_hatemonger.php
Posted by: bucky | November 17, 2009 11:58 AM
Hahahahaha! Those dirty sitting Germans. That is hilarious. You know who else peed sitting down? Hitler!
I can only second what the other Germans have said, it's BS.
Hahaha. Still laughing.
Posted by: Brownian, OM
|
November 17, 2009 11:58 AM
Sitting is not without its perils.
When my current roommate moved in with me, she replaced my ratty bathroom mat and shower curtain with new ones. That very night I went to bed with a few pints in me and woke up with a near-to-bursting bladder at about 4 am. Unfortunately, I'd also woken from a dream and so was still at half mast. In my bleary-eyed, groggy, and perhaps-still-a-little-tipsy state, I lumbered into the bathroom, squinted against the light, and began the age-old battle men have had to wage with their anatomy as a result of having two competing interests forced to share a thoroughfare. I thought I'd achieved a temporary détente when I'd deflated enough to let out a tight stream, but I'd miscalculated the trajectory and the spray crested over the rim and down the side of the bowl.
Four hours later I traumatised the roomie with "Good morning! How was your first night? By the way, I pissed all over the new bath mat." To this day she thinks it was some sort of territoriality thing, no matter how many times I have to explain that physiology is why I peed on the rug; territoriality is why I lick all the clean cutlery.
Posted by: mechanoid
|
November 17, 2009 12:01 PM
I would like to offer an excellent and relevant article from The Naked Scientist I recently read... (and no, I am in no way affiliated)
Why men should stand to pee...
excerpt: "If outrage continues to mount, it will soon be not just uncool and politically incorrect for a man to urinate while standing up, but out-and-out ILLEGAL. Yes, the liberated women of France and Germany and Holland have vowed to put their men down – on the toilet."
http://www.thenakedscientists.com/HTML/articles/article/to-sit-or-not-to-sit/
Enjoy!
Posted by: bucky | November 17, 2009 12:02 PM
Abstruse #78: That is true though, weirdly. There was a fad like ten years ago to create "funny" new insults for unmanly men - don't ask me why. There were also such interesting creations as "warm-showerer" and "gym-clothes-forgetter" (hah, they sound even more ridiculous in english).
Posted by: A$KE | November 17, 2009 12:04 PM
what is he talkin about comin to germany...we got enough crackpots here as it is!!!! so plz make your loonys stay at home
Posted by: puseaus | November 17, 2009 12:05 PM
Could God please clarify what he means by "the wall"? I bet it is not just any wall, and we will have to wait some time for a sign pointing in some direction. Could it be the Chinese one? Or the great wall in cosmology perhaps? I love these theological debates, they remind me of my deluded days.
Posted by: DuckPhup | November 17, 2009 12:06 PM
Glen... REAL men don't 'pee'... they PISS. And REAL men don't put up the toilet seat when they piss, either... or so sayeth the Pastor.
Ahem... moving right along...
I am reminded of an old joke about Ronald Reagan. Supposedly, when he was speaking before a foreign audience, he liked to address them with a few words in their native language, followed by an opening joke. On one occasion, he was somewhat rushed, and did not have an opportunity to learn any words in the language of his hosts. So, as he was walking down the corridor, on his way to the stage, he espied the restrooms, and took careful note of the words thereon.
He began his talk by greeting his audience using the words he had just memorized, and then went on with his joke. The audience response was very tepid, which he found perplexing... but since he was such an engaging and charming speaker, he soon had his audience revved-up to where he liked to have them.
Afterward, he mentioned to one of his aides that he thought he had done pretty well, but he couldn't understand why there was such a cool reception to his opening. The aide said "I think, perhaps, that they are not accustomed to being addressed as water closets and urinals."
Posted by: Andrew JS | November 17, 2009 12:07 PM
You know what's funny is that peeing sitting down is preferred in Islam. I wonder if pastor nutbag knows about that too.
Posted by: Desert Son, OM
|
November 17, 2009 12:08 PM
I lol'd.
[New complementary close under construction],
Robert
Posted by: IaMoL | November 17, 2009 12:09 PM
He's obviously trying to wield his 4 & a half incher like it's a Louisville Slugger and dare anyone to call him on it. I'll even bet he drives a pickup with trucknutz&trade dangling from the trailer hitch. He's a manly man, by gawd and he refuses to sit to pee (mainly because he ends up pissing on the rim instead of in the toilet bowl)!
Thanks preacher, I don't think anyone's shortcomings been so Freudianly evident besides Kim Jong Il's.
(say what you will, but I love splitting infinitives)
Posted by: kopd | November 17, 2009 12:11 PM
"it's much more difficult for someone to roll you for your cash and ID if you're sitting down in a locked stall than if you're standing at a urinal."
I have heard of people reaching under the door of the stall to snatch wallets from dropped trousers, so watch out. Between that and the Larry Craig thing, I'm ready to start taking a stun gun to the stall with me and start zapping any hands that come wandering in.
Posted by: Sleeper | November 17, 2009 12:14 PM
Does this mean god is in favour of pissing on the Alamo?
Posted by: Knockgoats
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November 17, 2009 12:16 PM
I've found that with increasing age, directional control is less precise - particularly when getting up in the middle of the night (itself more frequent) or after sex. I think it's a bit like the "kink in the hose" phenomenon - sometimes causing a sudden spurt in an unexpected direction. So I do often sit down - which I'm sure will just confirm Steven's view of us pansy Europeans!
Posted by: Richard Smith | November 17, 2009 12:17 PM
@kopd (#94):
Use psychology, instead. Just bring a squirtgun with you, filled with warm water. Squirt invaders, and let them form their own conclusions about what hit them...
Posted by: Amazona farinosa farinosa | November 17, 2009 12:22 PM
It's all a matter of pragmatics for me, personally. It really boils down to marksmanship, or rather any hindrance to the success of hitting the target.
The times I sit:
- It is the middle of the night and I don't want to turn on the light to wake my spouse.
- I don't have my contact lenses in. (I don't wear spectacles frequently enough to reliably compensate for the refractive error.)
- Morning wood.
What the faithful should really be concerned with every time the need arises is "How would Jesus piss?". Or, "Piss unto others' vessel as you would have them piss unto yours".
Posted by: Strangest brew
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November 17, 2009 12:26 PM
About peeing standing up...I heard this story from a south African Boer farmer's son...
It apparently occured in Cape Town in the sixties!
It was in the downtown bars on the rough side of life that were not conducive to irritating anyone.
Folks that wanted a pee in one bar had a problem with busted plumbing for several months it was intermittent, some evenings no prob other evenings it would flood...during the 'down' time the bar owner informed anyone with a bladder problem to use the street gutter, others round the back to the waste ground where he was growing some kale or cabbage for his pigs...but pee would kill rather then water so he had this protocol to avoid death by urine to the pig feed!
On the street was an old fashioned Street light and it provided a natural target for the aim!
One evening a dead dog was noticed by the light pole outside...stone cold and no obvious injury!
It was still there in the morning and the bar owner disposed of it...
Couple of days later another dog turned up dead by the pole...bar owner moved it the following morning.
This happened several times that month and three cats and several other dogs were added to the kill ratio!
Finally the problem was highlighted one evening when a patron had recourse to the pole cos the sewer was blocked again.
Poor sod dropped down dead as soon as relief was streamed on the pole!
Turns out the light pole was faulty and 'Live'
Hence the dead animals and human!
This was duly reported to the authorities...nothing happened...except another pole user died one evening coming home from another bar!
This went on for months apparently...
The city council refused to do anything because the pole belonged to a lighting company that had hired it from another company that made them.
And nobody took responsibility because by that time they were aware that any company that touched it first would be responsible for replacement...and possible legal action for the death the first human victim...
The palaver went on for several months eventually the final death toll was three people and about eight dogs three cats and a passing donkey!
After the third human death several denizens of the street got together and one morning managed to drag it over and away from the street corner then phoned the council and told them what they had done...
They were all busted for criminal damage from the city council the lighting company sued them for destruction of property and the company that were hiring it sued for loss of income....
This was related by the SA guy to me in such away that I fell off me bar stool with laughter...
I think it an urban legend but this guy assured me it was true every word!
The moral of this story was beware where thou pisseth...someone might not take responsibility for it!
Hear endeth this lesson!
Posted by: Lynna | November 17, 2009 12:27 PM
I knew a girl in college who could piss into a coke bottle. Now that's a well-aimed stream. Maybe she was blessed by god.
Posted by: Doc Murray | November 17, 2009 12:31 PM
What the fuck?
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | November 17, 2009 12:32 PM
Can't watch the video here. Does he really say "will destroyeth"? Even Joseph Smith understood 16th-century grammar better than that.
Tentacle cluster for Brownian, OM, NOM, NOM, NOM…
In what kind of environment?
But… you know… it's entirely feasible to pee into an ordinary toilet while standing. Just a little amount of aiming practice is required. (It is made easier, however, by putting the seat up.)
:-D :-D :-D
Shade-parker. Real men park their shiny black car in the sun when it's got 35 °C in the shade.
Women-understander.
…Goes to show the point that these creations more or less immediately became parodies of people who have a psychotic urge to prove their masculinity over and over again.
Posted by: Lynna | November 17, 2009 12:33 PM
Some of the commenters up-thread have made a serious mistake. They have tried to parse the Pastors piddling logic. Don't do that if you prefer neurons that are in working order.
Posted by: arrakis
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November 17, 2009 12:36 PM
Teach the controversy!!!
Posted by: Raskolnikov | November 17, 2009 12:42 PM
Peeing while sitting is so much more comfortable. And it comes in hand when it pushes elsewhere.
cough cough...
Posted by: ktesibios
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November 17, 2009 12:44 PM
All in all, he's just another piss on the wall.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | November 17, 2009 12:47 PM
Wow. Evidence, please.
Whut? You didn't split a single infinitive in that comment, and the "rule" against it is made-up anyway.
Wow. Evidence, pl…
Are you sure that was a girl? Did you ever… witness…
Posted by: Jaddy | November 17, 2009 12:48 PM
As a free man, I take pride in the words 'Ich bin ein Sitzpinkler'.
If I would find this guy peeing standing up into a toilet and spraying his pee all around the room, he'd have to _lick_ it clean.
Maybe that will be another advantage of having fewer religiots in the future: It will stink less.
Posted by: Ichthyic | November 17, 2009 12:48 PM
A squirrel needs to collect this man.
...because that is one big pile o nuts.
Posted by: Tezcatlipoca | November 17, 2009 12:48 PM
Hmmm,
my mother is from Deutschland. The only "sign" we had in our bathroom went something along the lines of, "our aim is to keep this bathroom clean, your aim would be appreciated."
I used the restrooms at the airport in Frankfurt. No sign. I used the restroom at the train station. No sign. I used the restrooms in the homes of at least six different relatives when I visited Germany. No signs. WTF is this delusion, ranting, creotard talking about? Poor bastard upset because he's never been able to urinate his name in the snow?
Posted by: Epikt | November 17, 2009 12:48 PM
I read an article once that claimed that if you drove at just the right speed, and opened the driver's-side car door at just the right angle, you could generate enough suction that you could pee out the door while driving and not get wet, thus saving the time wasted at a rest stop. It isn't true.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | November 17, 2009 12:49 PM
Oops. Somehow forgot this quote
above my second-to-last line.
Posted by: Alexis | November 17, 2009 12:52 PM
I read a news article last year about a German man who was concerned with the sanitation issues of men missing the bowl. He wanted men to sit while peeing, but his campaign had little success because one of the worst German insults was to call a man a "Sitzenpisser". I think the preacher is making stuff up. Furthermore, I think that if god is angry at men who piss on the wall, it would be an argument to sit down and get it into the bowl, not stand and risk missing it.
Posted by: Knockgoats
|
November 17, 2009 12:53 PM
You know what's funny is that peeing sitting down is preferred in Islam. - Andrew JS
Shh - don't let Cimourdain hear you! This must somehow be proof of the unutterable evil of every Muslim, though I admit I can't imagine how.
Posted by: NitricAcid | November 17, 2009 12:54 PM
When I was in Germany, I saw several signs requesting that you sit to pee. This wasn't universal, though, since I was in a filthy part of the east, where drunks were constantly relieving themselves against various walls of the train station.
I did see a great cartoon, though- a fellow in a bathroom that had a sign asking people to sit to pee. He's sitting on the floor, trying to pee into the bowl....
Posted by: SteveM | November 17, 2009 12:56 PM
Most likely myth. Mythbusters tested the myth of peeing on the third rail and/or an electric fence. The pee stream of even the most "powerful" flow breaks up very quickly into discrete drops that do not provide a path for an electric current.
It is possible that dogs and cats pee close enough to the pole to get shocked and killed, but men; not likely.
Posted by: Mandrake | November 17, 2009 12:59 PM
Wow. Pastor Steven is quite a remarkable and inspiring man. I mean, he's brave and patriotic enough to stand alone, literally, in defiance of the whole country of Germany by refusing to sit down while peeing there!
If I were female, I think his mere image, delivered electronically or through other media, would cause me to swoon.
Posted by: Lynna | November 17, 2009 1:01 PM
@109
Ichthyic! You are alive, and in fine form. :-) There was a question as to your whereabouts on the endless thread. You were missing in action, along with Smoggy, if I remember the rumor correctly.
Posted by: craicmonkey | November 17, 2009 1:01 PM
What... the... fuck...? So, god wrote the Bible and identified human males as men by the fact that they piss against the wall, and that they have the number 6 associated with them, and German's have to sit down when they pee, and his wife is German, and don't by the New King James version, and... shit. What was his point?
Oh, by the way, Acts 5:5 does mention death (remember that the number 5 means death), but then Deut 5:5 says: (I stood between the LORD and you at that time, to show you the word of the LORD: for ye were afraid by reason of the fire, and went not up into the mount;) saying,
and John 5:5 says: And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.
and Hebews 5:5 says: So also Christ glorified not himself to be made an high priest; but he that said unto him, Thou art my Son, to day have I begotten thee.
So... um, yeah.
Posted by: Richard Eis | November 17, 2009 1:03 PM
I am wondering if he just misinterpreted the signs about not making a mess. Lets face it, the chance of him bothering to learn german and rea what the sign actually says is pretty slim.
Posted by: NoFear | November 17, 2009 1:06 PM
What ever happened to "we can not know god's will"? This guy seems to have no preoblem guessing at god's will, yet if an atheist ever asked him why god allows children to starve and suffer the pat answer is always "we can not know god's will". Which is it? Can we know god's will or not? I, of course, say we can not but only because god does not exist. It is equivalent to knowing what a unicorns will is. But to people who believe god exists, you would hope that they would at least be consistant.
Posted by: becca | November 17, 2009 1:08 PM
A Jeraboam is a wine bottle holding 4/5 of a gallon (3.03 liters), according to my on-line dictionary. So I guess what this means is, if you're drunk enough to pee against the wall, no more wine for you.
Posted by: Cosmas
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November 17, 2009 1:08 PM
to knockgoats #114
it's a practical reason why the devout muslims I knew preached for pissing sitting down. they wanted to avoid even minimal urine splatter (aerosilasation) on their clothing since urine is NAJIS (unclean). if you have to pray 5 times/day changing wardrobe is not very practical. (I can help but think of models changing outfits---project Allah runway)
myself, I had to piss sitting down Ever since I got my Prince Albert piercing 15 years ago. a PA makes it impossible to form a thin singular stream. it make the fluid spray in interesting dynamic planes. so to be a gentelman I sit down, unless i'm in a hurry....
At home I use the sink which drives my partner batty. it grosses him out, but I keep telling him: it's sterile... and fun
Posted by: Joel Jacobson | November 17, 2009 1:11 PM
My late Uncle Harry told me that since he had his heart attack, he had to piss sitting down ....
The doctor had told him not to lift anything heavy.
Posted by: Allegra | November 17, 2009 1:11 PM
#19 Jimmyraybob.... not to put too fine a point on it, but you can come live with me in Canada when things go bad.
As for the pastor, he's a classic example of what happens when you try to stuff too much nonsense in one poor little primate brain. The crap comes out at high pressure in an ever drenching stream.
Posted by: Richard Smith | November 17, 2009 1:14 PM
@Cosmas (#123):
Life's hard for those with a Prince Albert, in the can...
Makes it difficult to pee, eh?
Posted by: Lynna | November 17, 2009 1:15 PM
David M., re your question up-thread about the female who could pee into a coke bottle. That was her claim to fame, and yes, she was female. No dangly bits to be seen.
I can pee in the wilderness without getting urine on my boots or pants. I didn't know this was a skill until I had to teach it to a female on vacation from more civilized parts of the USA.
Posted by: Ichthyic | November 17, 2009 1:16 PM
There was a question as to your whereabouts on the endless thread. You were missing in action, along with Smoggy, if I remember the rumor correctly.
just being antisocial, frankly. sorry :P
I've been quite busy trying to get myself situated down here still.
I'll be an irregular visitor until things get properly sorted.
cheers!
Posted by: callmeal
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November 17, 2009 1:17 PM
This is the hardest I have laughed the entire day, maybe the entire week. Usually the clinically but not legally insane scare or depress me, but this one was just funny. I wonder what that says about my sense of humor?
Just to reiterate, I'm from Germany and I would like to undersign everything #55 said.
Posted by: Big Ugly Jim | November 17, 2009 1:21 PM
I went to the church this guy runs and had to post on my blog about it. If you read the doctrine that these people preach, it's sickening. And it comes as no surprise that this guy would be so quick to assume that pissing sitting down was bad, because nothing he appears to believe has any sense to it.
Posted by: Michelle R | November 17, 2009 1:26 PM
...Wow... Um... I just finished the video...
Wow. Haha...
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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November 17, 2009 1:26 PM
one word: backsplash you know, that's really not THAT difficult, once you figure out how much pressure you need for a particular angle. it just takes practice, and I can honestly imagine many better ways to spend my time than practicing peeing into a bottlePosted by: Brownian, OM
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November 17, 2009 1:26 PM
What? That's dumb. Everybody knows black cars look better in the shade.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | November 17, 2009 1:30 PM
Wrong, see comments 87 and 102; also, Sitzpisser without the infinitive ending in the middle.
Posted by: Acronym Jim | November 17, 2009 1:32 PM
@kopd (#94):
Richard Smith@97:
Unfortunately, this tactic would probably only further fuel the burning desire, should the wandering hand belonged to pastor Anderson.
or if it belongs to Cosmas...;-)
Posted by: Ol' Greg | November 17, 2009 1:34 PM
Will the real Pastor Steve please stand up, please stand up?
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | November 17, 2009 1:36 PM
I did say it requires a little target practice. Depending on where you aim, and how successfully you aim there, and if the size and shape of the toilet bowl allows it in the first place, it's entirely feasible to have nothing splash out.
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
|
November 17, 2009 1:44 PM
I've yet to meet a man capable of this. Can I hire you to train them?Posted by: Andrew JS | November 17, 2009 1:48 PM
@107
Wow. Evidence, please.
Well when I was at a mosque (my first and last time at one) in Toronto for my grandmother's funeral, in the washroom there are no urinals, and large signs on the toilets saying "The Hadith prohibits urinating standing up".
And, when looking it up this morning I found websites saying that Aisha, Mohammad's child wife said in the hadith "Whoever tells you that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to urinate standing up, do not believe him. He only ever used to urinate sitting down.” http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/9790
Posted by: Acronym Jim | November 17, 2009 1:49 PM
It's really no more difficult than it is for a woman to piss in a Coke bottle.
Posted by: MudPuddles | November 17, 2009 1:56 PM
What if I'm doing a poop and suddenly need to pee at the same time? Does this mean I'm not a man anymore? Will I go to hell? Am I what's wrong with America?
While I'm there, if I run out of loo paper and really really need to clean up (because walking around all dirty would just be SO un-Christian), can I use the pages of my King James Bible?
Posted by: Kraid
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November 17, 2009 1:58 PM
One time I peed sitting down and my testicles immediately retracted into my torso and began producing estrogen. I had to pee standing every day for a month to get them back down. True story.
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
|
November 17, 2009 2:04 PM
I don't want women attempting to piss in a cokebottle in my bathroom either. Just because something is possible doesn't mean the majority of people know how to do it.Posted by: Dave Dell | November 17, 2009 2:06 PM
As I try to teach all of my young male relatives, "All the world's a bathroom when you're a guy."
Posted by: Acronym Jim | November 17, 2009 2:11 PM
Hence your request for a standing-man-piss educator? Has the argument become circular. I get the feeling our talking points are swirling in the same direction.0_o
Posted by: IaMoL | November 17, 2009 2:15 PM
Damn, that's what happens when you delete sentences but forget to look over it carefully and edit out references to what was omitted.Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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November 17, 2009 2:16 PM
Jimmy, I've no flaming clue what the fuck you're on about.
my only point at all is that I don't want any piss on my bathroom floor, whether that's from actually pissing on it, backsplash, or women peeing in cokebottles.
any training required to achieve this goal would be done off the premises; or the participants clean the bathroom afterwards themselves. I care not which.
Posted by: IaMoL | November 17, 2009 2:21 PM
Pee-Poe?
Pee-Poe who need Pee-Poe are the schmuckiest people in the world.
Posted by: Desert Son, OM
|
November 17, 2009 2:21 PM
Gino Vanelli: "Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time . . . long time." [/Old Ben Kenobi]
I can't comment further just now: my brain suddenly flooded with Aqua NetTM.
[New complementary close under construction],
Robert
Posted by: Rohit Narayan | November 17, 2009 2:23 PM
Religion of Piss.
Posted by: Acronym Jim | November 17, 2009 2:24 PM
Yeah, the same thing has happened to me, but that's just because the water in the bowl is often really cold.
Jadehawk,
I'm just engaging in a little good-natured ribbing. You referred to me as Jimmy. Do we know each other in the real world perchance?
Posted by: GravityIsJustATheory | November 17, 2009 2:29 PM
I was looking at that preacher's website.
What a steaming pile of BS. And ignorent and bigotted to boot. (All gays are rapists. Doctors aren't all bad, but they're evolutionists who don't believe in God so they can't tell you anything you couldn't learn from the internet. Israel was God's chosen country, then England, now America. Only the KJV is true, because, something. Etc).
And it doesn't even have the unintentional hilarity of a Chick Track.
Although I was mildly amused by his explanation of how people become homosexuals, as apparently it requires a precisce series of stages, the first of which is knowledge of God.
So obviously (by his argument) one way to guarentee no-one will ever turn gay is to ensure no-one ever hears about God :)
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
|
November 17, 2009 2:29 PM
I doubt that.
and there's no such thing as "good-natured ribbing" pre-coffee, and my
coffee machineboyfriend is still asleep. I might actually have to go to Starbucks :-/Posted by: Katharine | November 17, 2009 2:32 PM
You know what's wrong with America?
Most Americans are fucking stupid.
That's what's wrong with America.
Posted by: Karen P.
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November 17, 2009 2:32 PM
I envy you men sometimes. Standing up to pee for us women is a skill that takes practice. Any woman who has experienced 'turkish toilets' can tell you that. Though that is more squatting and trying to keep from getting urine on your pants...
Oh, and any women who may find themselves travelling through the Kyiv national train station, the only actual toilets - without seats - are in the handicapped stalls. Otherwise be prepared to squat.
Posted by: Lynna | November 17, 2009 2:33 PM
There are rules about this in the Paria Canyon-Vermilion Cliffs Wilderness. On Highway 89 in southern Utah, land managers have helpfully posted rules for visitors to the wilderness. They include the instruction to urinate only in spots that are already wet, such as near the river (this is a special instruction for desert areas -- the place is so dry that urine will contaminate other areas for a long period of time). But, you are instructed to defecate at least 200 yards away from any water source or campground. So, I guess you have to dig your cat hole for feces first, then go to the river's edge and pee, then race for the cat hole to poop. Control is required. Make sure your cat hole is at least six inches deep and that you cover the waste. While reading these instructions we were laughing so hard we were in danger of peeing in the parking lot. This eventuality was not covered in the instructions.Some wilderness areas require that you pack out all human waste. Another good reason to take the road less traveled.
Posted by: Acronym Jim | November 17, 2009 2:37 PM
I can empathize. No harm meant and too bad you aren't closer to a Peets Coffee. Apparently I've had too much coffee this morning...
Posted by: marilove | November 17, 2009 2:39 PM
This entire thread is hilarious.
What about peeing in the shower? LOL
Posted by: WMDKitty | November 17, 2009 2:39 PM
Anyone else think that Mr. Anderson here is so closeted that he qualifies for Narnian citizenship?
Posted by: blf | November 17, 2009 2:41 PM
Did you manage to climb out of the bowl yourself?
Or did mom have to lift you out?
Posted by: Richard Smith | November 17, 2009 2:44 PM
@Desert Son (#149):
I'm actually surprised nobody's mentioned J Geils Band, given the subject of this thread and all.
Posted by: Davey | November 17, 2009 2:45 PM
Name the movie and the scene:
"Tain't whatcha do, it's the way thatcha do it."
Posted by: Acronym Jim | November 17, 2009 2:45 PM
Neither. The truth is some aspects of aging really suck...
Posted by: Urmensch | November 17, 2009 2:48 PM
If you think that one is crazy check out this sermon from him-
Jesus wore pants, not a dress!!! Baptist preaching Bible
Apparently it's blasphemy to say Jesus wore a dress.
Posted by: Jyotsana | November 17, 2009 2:53 PM
Richard Smith #161 - Thank you!!!!!! This thread put that song in my head (and it's been stuck there for a couple of hours now). I first heard it as a kid probably twenty years ago but never knew who sang it. Again, thank you! :)
Posted by: Davey | November 17, 2009 2:54 PM
Yikes, what if there's a picture of Jebus on the wall? Pisseth anyway? Goddamned if you do and Goddamned if you don't.
Posted by: IaMoL | November 17, 2009 2:54 PM
Katherine has been feeling a little dysphoric lately.Posted by: Moggie
|
November 17, 2009 3:01 PM
PZ, having read the thread, I'd like to ask: can we have an "entirely too much information" category?
Posted by: Strasbourg | November 17, 2009 3:03 PM
@113 / Alexis
"..one of the worst German insults was to call a man a "Sitzenpisser". .."
wrong !
The real insults are:
Frauenversteher & Warmduscher
Posted by: anti-theist | November 17, 2009 3:07 PM
Here is the original video PZ reported on. I think it might have been an audio though:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gR4P4cP2QbY
Why is this man not in jail? Others have been jailed and had their lives destroyed for making supposed threats. This guy is openly on tape making multiple detailed threats. I am very confused. How can we send this man to jail? I am willing to help any way I can.
Here is the law:
THREATS AGAINST PRESIDENT - 18 USC 871, makes it a Federal crime or offense for anyone to willfully make a true threat to injure or kill the President of the United States
.
A person can be found guilty of that offense only if all of the following facts are proved beyond a reasonable doubt:
First: That the person uttered words alleged to be the threat against the President;
Second: That the person understood and meant the words he used as a true threat; and
Third: That the person uttered the words knowingly and willfully.
A "threat" is a statement expressing an intention to kill or injure the President; and a "true threat" means a serious threat as distinguished from words used as mere political argument, idle or careless talk, or something said in a joking manner.
The essence of the offense is the knowing and willful making of a true threat. So, if it is proved beyond a reasonable doubt that the person knowingly made a true threat against the President, willfully intending that it be understood by others as a serious threat, then the offense is complete; it is not necessary to prove that the person actually intended to carry out the threat.
Here are people who were arrested on hearsay(why is this guy free):
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2009/10/21/2009-10-21_newark_airport_security_guard_john_brek_arrested_for_making_threats_against_pres.html
http://www.wbtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=9246417
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/14/man-suspected-of-making-t_n_259330.html
http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/5427513/
(not obama)
How can we see the law is carried out? At very least he needs to be placed on trail. His actions are clearly illegal and to me obviously violate all 3 'legs' of the law. It seems as if he is getting special treatment
Or is he in jail now?
Please contact me if you would like to push for some action. How about you, PZ?
t_schwartz317@sbcglobal.net
Posted by: Bourgeois_Rage | November 17, 2009 3:16 PM
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble OM4Jesus | November 17, 2009 3:22 PM
THE CHRISTIAN PISSETH
Do not sit to have a piss,
God demandeth that you stand!
Never employ your penis,
If you don’t employ your hand!
For God defines a Christian man
As one who holds his cock
And stands erect, and breaks his dam
Upon a wall of rock.
Good men who clutch their streaming dicks,
Have Jesus Christ within,
Such pricks are good and holy,
Untainted by foreskin.
In this they are like Jesus,
Who looks down from above,
And grasps his holy organ,
And sprinkles us with love.
Neath showers warm and golden,
We enjoy baptismal play,
Turning our faces heavenward
To gargle, twice a day.
Great men of God, stand up to piss!
Please emulate your Lord,
And rain your Christian blessing,
Down upon the thirsty horde.
And if you are infected,
And must stand an hour to pee,
Spare a thought for poor old Yahweh,
Who must pee eternally.
Posted by: The Greek Chorus | November 17, 2009 3:39 PM
I've got a few posts on Pissing Preacher, as we call him on our blog.
It's too bad his parishioner deleted the rant proving Santa's reindeer were gay. You'd have liked that one.
Posted by: Drew | November 17, 2009 3:45 PM
I'm a woman. Does that mean I'm not allowed to pinch my lips together and pee standing up?
Posted by: Smoggy Batzrubble OM4Jesus | November 17, 2009 3:52 PM
That is exactly right, Drew. God decreed that only men are allowed to hold genitals while peeing standing up. If you want to pee standing up you will have to find a man willing to pinch your lips together for you.
I don't think this will be a problem--many Christian men are happy to give a sister in need a helping hand.
Yours in Godly gynecology
Smoggy
Posted by: Eidolon | November 17, 2009 3:59 PM
Quite apart from all the micturitional information, the pastor's point was that we need tough men. Of course, if the good pastor ever ran across #15 in the video link below, he'd get his godly clock cleaned. He could then join all the sitters.
Another example of why there is such a term as Poe.
http://www.viddler.com/explore/failblog/videos/339/39.139/
Posted by: Gary R | November 17, 2009 4:04 PM
I love where he suddenly ramps it up at around 4:10 and starts foaming about how "400 years ago, pastors used to stand up and preach that a man needs to be a man. Not a male!"
Boy (not male!), this makes for good entertainment.
Posted by: Murray | November 17, 2009 4:13 PM
Yes, any God-Fearing Man will proudly coat a stranger's bathroom floor with the back-splash of their own piss.
But if this guy was a REAL Man, he'd stand up to shit as well. I bet he sits down to take a dump, like some limp-wristed European.
Posted by: Carlie | November 17, 2009 4:26 PM
There is not enough "WTF???" in the world for this sermon.
Don't ever let the guy near a Washlet; he'd have an aneurysm. Among other things.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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November 17, 2009 4:26 PM
This is the preacher who prayed for Obama's death. He's also the guy who forced a standoff with the Border Patrol and Arizona state police.
Posted by: NewEnglandBob
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November 17, 2009 4:27 PM
When did this fuckwad Anderson have HIS lobotomy?
Posted by: Jadehawk, OM
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November 17, 2009 4:31 PM
it's all good. I should really stop going online before I've had a healthy dose of caffeine. I won't, but I should.Posted by: Moggie
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November 17, 2009 4:43 PM
#172:
I prefer to think of him as America's number 1 preacher.
Posted by: Lynna | November 17, 2009 4:51 PM
Smoggy @171. Never thought I'd experience sympathy for old Yahweh, but you have shown me the light. Poor old dude. Maybe next time he'll think twice before he designs a collapsible tube for urine, surrounded by a prostrate organ that swells with age.
Posted by: Brownian, OM
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November 17, 2009 4:51 PM
And Moggie wins teh intertubz.
Posted by: Mack | November 17, 2009 5:06 PM
His evidence that Germans don't allow people to pee standing up is a picture with a line through it. Maybe they were asking people not to masturbate. A stick figure peeing and a stick figure wanking would look pretty similar.
His other evidence is his wife told him so. Maybe she just doesn't like scrubbing up his piss.
Posted by: momkat
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November 17, 2009 5:35 PM
I once worked with a woman who insisted on doing her business hovering above the seat, apparently, because it would always be wet when she left the stall. We got tired of her not cleaning up her mess so we left a sign in the stall:
If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Be a sweety, wipe the seaty.
She didn't use our toilet anymore, and quit shortly thereafter. Were we to harsh?
Thanks for the opportunity to relate a "pissing" anecdote. So little opportunity to do that.
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | November 17, 2009 5:58 PM
Perhaps this is in a language that Brutha Steve will understand:
Or, perhaps not.
Posted by: ChrisB | November 17, 2009 6:06 PM
Oddly, I think most commentators are missing an opening to bash the Bible. Because what the Lord is using the phrase 'pisseth against the wall' to do is to set a strict limit on the age of the men who are to be killed. Babes in arms, and those who still use diapers or potties, are to be spared, differentiating this occasion from the times when you have to kill even them - "Happy he that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the rock", for example. No, here it's only the urinal-users who have to die.
Not a verse to teach children who may have difficulty in toilet training.
Posted by: Brian Wren
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November 17, 2009 6:12 PM
What a moron. I was in Austria a few weeks ago and know the exact sign he's talking about. In fact, I took a picture of it because I found it amusing.
The obvious reason though was that the toilet in my hotel bathroom used very little water. If you peed standing up, it would have splashed off the porcelain sprinkling the rim of the toilet and the wall (I know because I forgot once when I staggered out of the bed in the middle of the night).
I also walked into a public bathroom at an amusement park which had one of those trough style urinals. If I had sat down for that pee, my ass would have been pretty wet when I stood up.
Posted by: sammywol | November 17, 2009 6:14 PM
Pretty sure he is making that shit up about Germany. Although I did see several 'amusing' signs on loos in Denmark where a stick figure who was pissing a dotted line almost but not quite into the loo had a red line through it; so it seems that he might be being horribly literal about the 'pissing against the wall' thing. Ick!
Besides pissing against the wall isn't the mark of a 'real' man. There's a shop owner in Ennis (once touted as Ireland's 'cyber-town' which obviously was a howling success) who got so fed up with guys pissing in his doorway that he electrified it. Such is the range of nocturnal delights on offer in Ennis that bunches of lads now throng around the place after pub shutting time - standing just out of CCTV range - and dare eachother to piss on the live contacts. Some are tough enough to finish their pee after the first couple of shocks. Now that is surely the mark of a real man.
Now I hope the mad Pisstor's German in-laws test his resolve by electrifying their bathrooms. Would be worth it.
Posted by: Pacal | November 17, 2009 7:01 PM
Well Steven you can stop now. You don't have to prove anymore that you want those huge thropping, pulsating ***** real bad.
Posted by: ianadams.wordpress.com
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November 17, 2009 7:11 PM
That guy has obviously never lived alone. It's so much easier to keep the toilet clean by sitting down!
Posted by: BoxNDox
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November 17, 2009 7:18 PM
#99: Reminds me of an old telephone repairman story.
An lady with a party line phone calls in with a complaint. "I Know you'll think this is crazy, but whenever someone calls me the phone doesn't ring but my dog barks. But when they call a second time the phone rings".
Everyone in the office has a nice big laugh about the totally nutty old lady. But they send out a repairman anyhow.
The repairman gets to the house but the lady isn't home. But he notices the phone line goes to a pole overlooking the back yard. He climbs the pole. He can see the dog, chained to the side of the house, and the phone is visible through an open window. He decides to try this out, hooks his butt set to another line and dials her number. Buzz buzz, and sure enough the dog barks.
He dials again, and sure enough, this time the phone rings.
So what's happening? This is a party line. Party lines have multiple houses hooked to the same pair of wires. Only one call can happen at once, but each home can be rung separately through the use of different ring frequencies and frequency-selective hardware and, more to the point, by using earth ground as a third wire and having ringers variously wired from one wire to ground, the other wire to ground, as well as between the two wires.
This lady had a ringer connected between one wire and ground. But the dog's chain had been hooked to the ground wire and had pulled it loose from the grounding stake.
So when the phone rang, the dog was in series with the ringer and the resistance was high enough that the ringer wouldn't work. But 90 volts hurts, so the dog barked. And voided its bladder. The wet ground lowered the resistance sufficiently that now the bell would ring.
I heard this story many years ago. I still feel sorry for the poor dog.
Posted by: wrpd | November 17, 2009 8:05 PM
This is why the KJV bible is the real one. No other translation uses the term "pisseth against the wall." How would we know this stuff if it weren't for good old gay King James.
On a related subject I have heard a commercial on TV for an herbal prostate de-enlarger. They ask a few questions to determine if you have an enlarged prostate. One of the questions is "Do you have to get out of bed to urinate?" As opposed to staying in bed to urinate? Yeck!
Posted by: Oran Kelley | November 17, 2009 8:25 PM
Hmmm. Couldn't be too many supposedly intelligent people wasting their time with crap like this bringing us down, could it?
--eric
Posted by: Beadknitter | November 17, 2009 8:29 PM
The stupid! It burns!!!
Posted by: Injun Trouble | November 17, 2009 8:50 PM
Everything after "I was reading the bible" should be discounted as pure and utter bullshit.
Posted by: Mack | November 17, 2009 9:48 PM
What Anderson meant: "I was masturbating in front on my alter to Jerry Falwell, when I realized that I could pull any shit out of my overstuffed ass to justify not being able to hit Boss Limbaugh's ass with a stream of piss from a foot away."
Posted by: Kyorosuke
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November 17, 2009 9:59 PM
Oran Kelly @195:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StopHavingFunGuys
Posted by: Vito T | November 17, 2009 10:40 PM
Hey, I know that guy! He's the Alex Jones fan-boy who got his ass kicked by border patrol!
Posted by: red rabbit | November 17, 2009 11:19 PM
Wasn't there a urinal for women marketed a few years ago, so that we, too, could appreciate the pleasures of upright pissing?
I know they showed up in a couple of trendy bars and were considered a great idea for about 45 minutes, or until the first tipsy tart in 4-inch heels toppled into one.
Though entertainingly, given that the men (notwithstanding all the actual Germans who have testified otherwise, natch) in Germany are not allowed to pee standing up, if you go to wikipedia and search urinals for women, there's a photo of a female urinal in an airport in Germany. I'm sure that says something, though I haven't decided what.
Posted by: Paul | November 17, 2009 11:21 PM
I tell you what. I piss standing up, God dammit, and that was the best thing I've hear out of a preacher's mouth in years. Hell yes.
Posted by: Jackrabbit | November 17, 2009 11:31 PM
Yikes! Why did I keep thinking "dink" as I was watching this. Dink and closet. Water closet. Oh yeah, and that other closet. The one he is so far in, he's touching Narnia. There are rainbows and unicorns and walls, upon which he pisseth. In his dreams. You know, the wet ones.
Posted by: John Scanlon FCD | November 17, 2009 11:43 PM
Problem with pissing against the outside wall of a building is that the stuff can soak right through the mortar and make it really stinky inside. This might be good if you're storing woollen garments because the ammonia discourages moths (anyone know the etymology of 'garderobe'?), but not so good in a public building.
Posted by: Mack | November 18, 2009 12:26 AM
Do I get a cookie?
Posted by: ChicagoMolly | November 18, 2009 12:36 AM
As soon as Pastor Steve got started on wall-pissing I ran for my copy of Mark Twain's Letters from the Earth. Near the end of the book Satan writes a longish paragraph about the Sin of Onan, which is really about how the Father of Mercy has a habit of exterminating entire tribes of people for trivial offences 'that no one but a god would attach any importance to'. That leads him to this about why God wiped out the Midianites:
Posted by: Doktor Zoom
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November 18, 2009 2:36 AM
This really puts the furor over Larry David in a whole new light--after all, Larry was standing when he got splashback on Jesus...
Posted by: kiki | November 18, 2009 5:17 AM
...and he feels good about these dreams. Glory hole!
207 posts and nobody fixed that for you yet. Unbelievable!
Posted by: sailor1031 | November 18, 2009 7:44 AM
I'm thinking the potty train didn't make a stop at this guy's station when he was little......guess he never made it to the anal retentive stage, or did he? Scary thoughts.....
Posted by: o-p-e | November 18, 2009 8:23 AM
Since no one mentioned it. Now women too can pisseth against the wall. There are a few female urination devices on the market. Here is the one I've heard of. http://www.go-girl.com
Posted by: Alison | November 18, 2009 9:18 AM
The palace at Versailles had a big problem with men pissing on the walls, so crosses were added to the decor at the base of the walls - nobody would pee on crosses!
And didn't that passage recommend killing men who piss on walls? How could that be interpreted as advocating standing up to pee? If I read something that said to kill men who piss on walls, I might not tell boys to sit down to pee, but I'd definitely tell them to avoid walls at all costs.
Posted by: Walton | November 18, 2009 9:26 AM
"Pastor" Anderson fails not only science and history, but also basic reading comprehension. Not only does he cling to the absolute infallibility of the King James Bible (despite the fact that modern translations are drawn from a greater array of source texts and are much more accurate), and not only does he reject modern science in favour of religious myth, he also seems incapable of even reading and understanding the context of the phrase in question. Evidently, he just saw the words "pisseth against a wall" and figured this was a good opportunity to assert his Real American (TM) red-blooded masculinity... a sure sign of being somewhat insecure about said masculinity.
Posted by: karen | November 18, 2009 12:40 PM
If a god existed, and that god was a just god, Pastor Steve would have chronic kidney stones.
Posted by: Acronym Jim | November 18, 2009 1:11 PM
I assume this was done before "La Revolution!" If so, one would assume that the grumbling masses pisseth(ing) upon the walls were so numerous that this recourse was necessary. It hardly seems like a problem that a bit of cake could fix.
Madame Antoinette would have died with her head still firmly affixed to her neck if she had only uttered "let them eat bacon" instead.
Posted by: Acronym Jim | November 18, 2009 1:37 PM
Disclaimer for the history pedants who may be reading. I realize there is no evidence that Marie Antoinette ever said "let them eat cake (brioche)," but without this chestnut, the joke doesn't work.
Of course, depending on an individual's sense of humo(u)r, it may not work anyway...
Posted by: Sili
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November 18, 2009 4:45 PM
The things you learn in this place. (And I haven't even watched the video.)
I'd never've taken David to be a stander.
I used to, but took to sitting years ago. Not just cleaner, but less noisy, too. (And it makes for more efficient emptying of the bladder.) Quite convenient since I've been in the Night Pissers' Club for years.
Posted by: BrianX | November 18, 2009 6:03 PM
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that anyone who gives a shit one way or another whether a man stands up or sits down to urinate really has their priorities out of whack.
And to guys who miss: it's called toilet paper. It's not just for ass anymore.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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November 18, 2009 6:35 PM
Pastor Steve should also shit standing up. He's not a Real Man™ if he squats on the pot to take a dump.
Posted by: Eric Arthur Blair | November 18, 2009 7:41 PM
I had heard that in some German-speaking areas, there's a word - "Sitzenpinkler", which means "a man who sits down to pee". The impression I got was that it's derogatory, on the order of what Ah-nold means when he calls someone a "girlie-man".
When my wife was alive, I always sat down - it was a lot easier than arguing about whether to leave the seat down or up. The controversy was reserved for whether the toilet paper should dispense from over the roll or under.
This guy is beyond wacko.
Posted by: Marko | November 19, 2009 7:07 AM
@o-p-e, #210:
That »female urination device« is abbreviated »FUD«?! But FUD already means Fear/Uncertainty/Doubt, which was coined to describe Microsofts anti-Linux propaganda.
The double meaning makes me giggly, though.
Posted by: James Scherer | November 19, 2009 11:05 AM
My question is does he stand up whiling he is shitting as well???? I mean cant let even a little pee out while shitting.... That would just be wrong!!!
Posted by: baju
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February 1, 2010 12:32 PM
Urinals can be found everywhere, and there is much annoyance about men spraying all over the floor while pissing standing up and leaving the toilet seat upright