…and this is a 
I hadn't heard anything about it. Apparently, almost nobody else had, either.
In New York, Beck sold 17 tickets. In Boston, another 17. And in Washington, D.C., the hotbed of political activism, his tearful film drew only 30, Raw Story has found.
Glenn Beck's new movie The Christmas Sweater - A Return To Redemption -- released for a viewing Thursday night in hundreds of theaters across the country. While it performed better in the south and in rural, more conservative areas, his ability to draw viewers in major US markets was a bust.
"The theater's almost empty," a representative at Regal Cinemas in Manhattan told Raw Story moments before it began.
The flick features the firebrand Fox News host sharing with willing souls his most profound childhood memories, along with his philosophies on life, love and happiness.
"It is the story of faith, tragedy, redemption and hope," Beck says in the trailer. (Reporter's caution: he cries in it.)
Yeesh. It sounds even worse than Expelled. The trailer (I don't recommend it) evoked feelings of revulsion and disgust, which isn't usually what you want to do to fill the seats.
Although, you never know…maybe he was trying to tap into the "two girls one cup" demographic.
Comments
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | December 4, 2009 5:16 PM
Sounds about right. He's serving up the same thing that was in the cup.
Posted by: rob | December 4, 2009 5:21 PM
this is a joke right? please tell me you saw this in The Onion.
please.
please.
(curls into fetal position)
Posted by: otrame
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December 4, 2009 5:21 PM
EEEeeeeeewwwwwww
My skin just went crawling off into a corner
Posted by: Holytape | December 4, 2009 5:22 PM
Sweet. Glenn Beck talking! It just like his show, but better because he is in a sweater. Sasquatch Jesus It's like shameless self promotion.
Spoil alert -- Half way through the movie he offers the audience two pills, a blue one and a red one. Take the red one and see how far the rabbit hole goes. Take the blue one and it's filled with cyanide you godless commie liberals.
Sasquatch Jesus
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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December 4, 2009 5:24 PM
The tale of Dembski's sweater.
Well, I know what entertainment I'll be having this weekend.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p
Posted by: lose_the_woo
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December 4, 2009 5:25 PM
Ssssssssssssssuper-stah!!
Posted by: Wayne Robinson | December 4, 2009 5:27 PM
The extended interview Glenn Beck gave (to me) sounds like standard humanist philosophy; life isn't fair, life is worth living, life is worth struggling for. If he stops there, then he is 100% correct.
Posted by: Geds | December 4, 2009 5:27 PM
rob @2: this is a joke right? please tell me you saw this in The Onion.
I can't speak to the movie, but I had some business in Dallas earlier this week. I was getting on the plane to fly back to Chicago and saw a woman holding a book by Glen Bek called The Christmas Sweater. I had a, "Bwuh?" moment. This movie is that, times, like, 100.
Posted by: KyBoiler
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December 4, 2009 5:28 PM
Beck actually bother me more than 2Girls1Cup. 1Guy1Jar though is pretty close to Beck.
Posted by: H.H. | December 4, 2009 5:31 PM
rob, if you watch the trailer, you can see Beck curled into fetal position. So apparently his words have the same effect on himself as they do everyone else.
Posted by: mattand | December 4, 2009 5:34 PM
Read this earlier today. Apparently it did well in smaller conservative areas like Beck's hometown in WA and a suburb of Dallas.
Still sounds like it was a bomb, though. 34 combined tix between Boston and NYC? Heh...
Interesting note: Mr. Populist charged $20 a pop (twice the average movie ticket) for his Battleship Potemkin. Way to keep the little guy in mind!!!
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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December 4, 2009 5:35 PM
Hey hey hey, the guy is trying to make an honest buck by pushing woo at his adoring
millions 17 fans.Posted by: Dirty Hairy | December 4, 2009 5:35 PM
*screeeeeeeeeeeeech*
I just perused the article, but can you link me to the Glen Beck 2 girls 1 cup vid? THX!
Posted by: gettingfree | December 4, 2009 5:37 PM
I would like to see this movie on DVD so I could fast-forward and see him cry. That part might be amusing.
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip | December 4, 2009 5:39 PM
I loved it. It was much better than Cats. I'm going to see it again and again.
Posted by: Torrie | December 4, 2009 5:43 PM
Adding comments has been disabled for this video. LOL! Gee, wonder why that is...
Posted by: steve | December 4, 2009 5:45 PM
Glenn Beck's "The Christmas Sweater - A Return To Redemption" - the musical, coming soon.
Probably off broadway.
Posted by: Treppenwitz | December 4, 2009 5:45 PM
My family will lap it up, I'm sure.
Posted by: wackadoodle | December 4, 2009 5:54 PM
I saw a commercial for this in the previews before The Men Who Stare at Goats. It looked like Glenn Beck's usual ranting, but Christmas themed. I was FAR more interested in the commercial before that about Rifftrax being shown in theaters.
Posted by: Carlie | December 4, 2009 6:04 PM
The Rude Pundit reviews it. TOTALLY worth the read.
Posted by: Janine, She Wolf Of Pharyngula, OM | December 4, 2009 6:13 PM
The Men Who Stare At Glenn Beck?
Posted by: Iason Ouabache | December 4, 2009 6:25 PM
Dave Holmes did an amusing review of it too:
Posted by: michelin | December 4, 2009 6:29 PM
such an honest, touching man....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0pqSkMaA8c&feature=related
Posted by: Iced Borscht | December 4, 2009 6:33 PM
I saw the trailer for it when I went to see the new version of a CHRISTMAS CAROL.
It made me realize that Glenn Beck, above all else, is a flamboyant theater nerd. (Not that there's anything wrong with it.)
Posted by: featheredfrog
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December 4, 2009 6:33 PM
He must think he's Jean Shepherd
Posted by: Caine, ghetto féministe
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December 4, 2009 6:42 PM
There's a wonderful summary at http://daveholmes.tumblr.com/post/268831789
From the link:
Posted by: Murbul | December 4, 2009 6:47 PM
That was crying? I thought he was just constipated.
Posted by: bastion of sass | December 4, 2009 7:09 PM
I saw the trailer for A Christmas Sweater when I went to see Pirate Radio a few weeks ago. I thought the trailer was utterly repulsive. Just the memory makes me *shudder*. Ugh.
But if anyone missed the movie, and really wants to see it, you may yet have a chance--looks like there will be an encore performance on Thursday, Dec. 10. Look for it at a theater near you that doesn't mind losing money.
Glenn, my advice to you is: "Burn the sweater! It's damn ugly, and wearing it apparently has transformed you from a drunk into a bizarre weeping conspiracy crackpot."
Posted by: Ian | December 4, 2009 7:20 PM
I saw this as a kids book on the shelf at Chapters a week or two ago.
Posted by: T. Bruce McNeely
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December 4, 2009 7:20 PM
There's something awfully familiar about the Kid and the Despised Sweater story:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hockey_Sweater
The Beckerhead grew up in Washington just a few miles from the Canadian border.
Just sayin'
Posted by: Meathead | December 4, 2009 7:25 PM
Glen Back in a sweater eh? Sort of a deranged, gun toting, Mr. Rogers effect is what I'm imagining. Singalong: It would be a beautiful day in the neighborhood... if it weren't for that scary black socialist president of ours...
Posted by: T. Bruce McNeely
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December 4, 2009 7:41 PM
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CF91ozYKDro/Sdu7AXUObII/AAAAAAAAAKk/NSeUoG2HKEM/s1600-h/glennbeck.jpg
The horror, the horror...
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | December 4, 2009 7:49 PM
Apparently, almost nobody else had, either.
So Murdoch &/or Ailes decided not to give their top (US) star the full-promo treatment that went into Beck's subglorious "9/12 Project" rally?
Gotta be a story behind that. If GB was a stock, I'd short him.
Posted by: applescraple | December 4, 2009 7:57 PM
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! A Xmas sweater - is it a he or a she or undecided?
Doesn't he "believe" in air conditioning? Doesn't he want to do "it" more than once a year;? Probably not which is why he is crying in the fetal position.
Posted by: JD | December 4, 2009 8:04 PM
I've been meaning to tell everyone on Pharyngula: Garth Brooks and Glenn Beck are the same guy.
Posted by: spinetingler | December 4, 2009 8:20 PM
Holy crap - I was doing a satellite test Thursday night for our simulcast of The Met in HD and that was the test material that was being sent. They must have rented the Met's satellite channel/transponder to deliver to the theaters.
I watched about 30-45 minutes while doing system tweaks. I briefly thought about grabbing it to the hard drive just for shits and giggles, but I thought it was just some odd bit he was doing for his show, not a theatrical premiere. Damn.
It was easily as bad as you are imagining, and then some.
Bwaaa, boo hoo - I didn't get a bicycle; I got a sweater.
Posted by: spinetingler | December 4, 2009 8:23 PM
Oh, I see there's a rerun. I'll grab that broadcast!
Posted by: Trent1492 | December 4, 2009 8:34 PM
Off Topic:
Can any one confirm the recent spate of burglaries that have occurred at the University of Victoria, in British Columbia, aimed at the climate research center found there?
http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=2300282
Posted by: Crewvy
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December 4, 2009 8:35 PM
So the script was written on the back of a postage stamp then?
*sound of worlds smallest violin ,not playing*
Posted by: nejishiki | December 4, 2009 8:40 PM
@ #32
That sweater makes me glad flag burning isn't illegal. How else could something so horrid be destroyed?
Posted by: anonymous | December 4, 2009 8:46 PM
>maybe he was trying to tap into the "two girls >one cup" demographic.
What the heck does that mean?
Posted by: AJ Milne OM
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December 4, 2009 8:48 PM
I'm so on the same page. And so's Red Meat.
Posted by: Carlie | December 4, 2009 8:57 PM
I'm trying to decide how pettily mean it would be to suggest that he should have cast Behe's sweater in the part.
Posted by: Marcus Ranum | December 4, 2009 9:01 PM
mmm.... rammstein... triumph das welt a bit of tom of finland adobe premiere... win!
Posted by: alex | December 4, 2009 9:02 PM
Mom starves children because they are waiting for god to provide it.
http://www.nj.com/news/ledger/jersey/index.ssf?/base/news-15/1259894705182640.xml&coll=1
Posted by: H.H. | December 4, 2009 9:35 PM
This does prove that at heart Beck has always been a failed actor. I tried telling my relatives that his crocodile tear performances are a stage show, but they eat it up.
Posted by: KaylaKaze | December 4, 2009 9:54 PM
The Rude Pundit was at the live show.
His thoughts.
Posted by: Rorschach | December 4, 2009 9:59 PM
@ 47 :
Nice review, summed up by this :
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | December 4, 2009 10:03 PM
There are any number of commenters here who could bang together a script equally or more compelling. I think I could do it in a day, Cuttlefish could do it in twelve minutes and Brownian in forty five seconds flat. Each to some degree of appeal.
Emotions are fine and dandy from time to time but not as a steady diet. Especially when your dietitian gets paid to hijack your sensitivities (read: prejudices) for her own purposes.
I really enjoy feeling all warm and cozy. I note that in the course of events there are often times when I cannot be warm and cozy. I do not feel the need to place blame on some agent for cold and wet and miserable. Comes with the territory as in part of the definition of what it means to be human.
I've watched a total of maybe six hours of Beck in snatches here and there. More than enough time to see that Beck really, really misses his warm and cozy and wants others to suddenly realize how imminent the threat is to the restful confidence that was the American Dream up until just before he got his show. Or just yesterday . . . or just now! The sky is falling!
Posted by: heironymous
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December 4, 2009 10:58 PM
I saw the trailer before 2012.
Glad to know my gag reflex is alive and well.
Posted by: DavidJ | December 5, 2009 1:18 AM
I've been force to hear this trailer every 4 minutes at the theater where I work. It's on the in lobby big screen at a fairly deafening volume.
Not as horrible as his last show on Fathom Events from a trailer perspective, but close.
On a side note, Fathom Events, in the last year has shown 2 Beck events, and a Ben Stein Event. It has a very strong bias when it comes to non-movie/sports/opera events.
Posted by: DavidJ | December 5, 2009 1:20 AM
Oh, and while doing a bit of research on the company...
http://www.nationalcinemedia.com/fathom-business-events/church-and-Worship-resources
Posted by: Midnight Rambler
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December 5, 2009 3:00 AM
Guys, you missed out on the much better trailer (well, it's more like an extended promo, about 4 minutes). It absolutely looks like something that was patched together by parodists to make fun of Beck, but it's not (it's posted on the same official YouTube channel):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1WoMtUBk34
warning: contains closeups of Glenn Beck's crazy eyes which may cause teabagging!
Posted by: Jim B | December 5, 2009 4:23 AM
Perhaps it should be retitled:
"It's a Wonderful Lie"
Posted by: Rowen
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December 5, 2009 10:54 AM
This story sounds like that horrible one that I used to hear all the time from Christian motivational speakers. (I know, which speech, right?)
It's the one where the guy REALLLLLY wants a new car for his birthday, or graduation present or something like that. The big day comes and his dad gets him a bible. The kid doesn't even open it, but is such an asshole that he storms out of the house and never returns again. Years go by, and finally the dad dies, and the guy goes back to go through his stuff, and finds the bible. He opens it, and in the front cover is taped the keys to a car.
I personally hated this story because not only was the kid an arrogant asshole, but he apparently lacked the perception to see further then his own nose. I can tell when my book mark is in a book just by looking at it. Something as big as a key would make an even more sizable bump.
Posted by: DLC
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December 5, 2009 11:31 AM
Somehow, I can't help but think of the scene in Glen or Glenda, wherein the star wants so badly to wear a cute angora sweater he sees in the store window.
Posted by: Seraphiel
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December 5, 2009 11:37 AM
For some reason, the theater down the street (a few blocks from downtown Portland) was showing this.
I can't imagine it did much better here than it did in NYC.
Posted by: Not that Louis | December 5, 2009 3:02 PM
The crying bit is something he does by applying a little Vicks Vaporub below his eyes. http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/glenn-becks-sobbing-secrets-revealed
Posted by: whitebird | December 5, 2009 3:05 PM
No mention of Glenn Beck's actions in 1990? http://gb1990.com/index.php
Posted by: Melissa | December 6, 2009 11:11 PM
My boyfriend and I have a theory that Glenn Beck is actually the world's greatest Poe and no one has realized it.
Posted by: Melissa | December 6, 2009 11:16 PM
Actually looking around I guess other people have thought this too. Heh, well I tried. How crazy would that be though?
Posted by: Robin Lionheart
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January 11, 2010 3:20 PM
With all the perspiration pouring out of Glenn Beck's pores in this film, Glenn Beck IS the Christmas Sweater.
Posted by: Janine, The Little Top Of Venom, OM
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January 11, 2010 3:24 PM
Robin, too bad you could not have popped a month ago with that line. It is funny but it will quickly be buried. But that line is funny, nicely done.