Some of you may have noticed the lack of updates here yesterday. I must apologize; I was in a crisis and having a bit of a breakdown. You see, everyone was sending me the latest xkcd comic, which was kind of like the God Equation, except that I have a deep and abiding faith in Randall Munroe, praise be unto him, amen, and knew he wouldn’t get the math wrong. At first I laughed, but then as the implications began to sink in, I realized I was in deep metaphysical trouble.
You see, the width of the English channel is variable: it’s going to vary by small, chance amounts as waves shift grains of sand and erode away bits of rock, and it’s going to have a larger cyclic component to its variation that correlates with the tides. Initially I figured this would simply have some kind of reciprocal relationship with Prius gas mileage, but then I noticed that it was the official EPA measurement of that parameter, which is only going to change quarterly or yearly. Which means that either a fundamental constant, the Planck energy constant, or the pressure of the earth’s core is fluctuating. Physics is in trouble. This could invalidate radiometric dating methods, and Munroe has failed to mention our other peril: if Prius gas mileage gets too high, perhaps the pressure at the Earth’s core will increase…until the planet explodes.
Then I realized that we evilutionists have claimed that the English channel has not always existed — during the last ice age, the value of the denominator in that term would have been zero. This cannot be. Either evilution or math is wrong, and since evilution is dependent on mathematics, I’m going to have to say the math can’t be wrong. And note, please: the end of the last glacial period was approximately 10,000 years ago, quite close to the approximate time of Creation as argued by some followers of the Holy Bible.
This represents a proof by division by zero error for a Young Earth.
It also means that we have to completely rethink our picture of what human life was like ten thousand years ago. All the textbooks now natter on about making baskets and flint knapping, but do any of them mention that cavemen would have also been getting phenomenal gas mileage in their hybrids?
Furthermore, the revelation that a fundamental mathematical constant like pi is the product of English geography does sort of mean that England does have divine status, and we rebellious colonists have been in a state of sin for a few centuries. It also makes Japanese industrial culture a centerpoint of the universe.
So I had to spend yesterday rebooting my philosophical premises. It took a while, but I’m now a Young Earth Otaku Tory. The blog will have to change its focus a bit; I hope you don’t mind.