Pharyngula

i-db0932358e358f67101f38c641673abe-holyghost.jpeg

The regal figure to the right is Terrill Dalton. He had a vision that revealed that he, personally, was the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ’s dad. Who knew the Holy Ghost would look a bit like the Pillsbury Doughboy?

Anyway, the Holy Ghost has come down a bit in the world. He’s now living in a collection of campers and vans on a 5 acre lot in Montana, leading a breakaway Mormon sect that was too crazy for Utah.

Members of the Church of the Firstborn and General Assembly of Heaven had fled to Idaho from Utah last year after their large home in a Salt Lake City suburb was raided by federal officials investigating claims of child sexual abuse and assassination threats against President Barack Obama, George W. Bush and Thomas S. Monson, president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

i-dd7aa7e2218111d7090f94214f2ade1b-doughboy.jpeg

He also has a webpage with an anorexic Jesus and a mushroom cloud background; he’s been busy rewriting the Bible, which is good — a hobby might distract him from the molesting children and assassinating people gigs.

Comments

  1. #1 doctormidnight
    March 26, 2010

    Looks like god ATE his only begotten son.

  2. #2 Karstark
    March 26, 2010

    Heh, I like how he misspelled “Old Testiment”, reminds me of Tom Waits talking about “Testa-mints” inspiring the song “Chocolate Jesus”

  3. #3 dutchdoc
    March 26, 2010

    There shall be wars, and rumors of wars, and plauges many, and earthquakes and other strange weather

    OH NO!! NOT plauges (whatever they are) and other strange weather!!!

  4. #4 Glen Davidson
    March 26, 2010

    Awesome.

    If such a figure doesn’t inspire reverence, well then I guess nothing will.

    It’s surprising how many will take the nothing, but then it’s usually more attractive than the “somethings” claiming to be deities. But why take “nothing” or Mr. Doughboy?

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

  5. #5 The Otter God
    March 26, 2010

    Can we please avoid jokes at the expense of his physical attributes? Too many threads have been derailed by such insensitivity.

    With that said, I keep hoping for these crazies to attempt something against the government, and being smacked down hard.

  6. #6 raven
    March 26, 2010

    He’s now living in a collection of campers and vans on a 5 acre lot in Montana, leading a breakaway Mormon sect that was too crazy for Utah.

    Questionable. I don’t believe it.

    Einstein said, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity.” He wasn’t too sure about the universe.

    Utah is the home of the Large Moron Collider, searching for the Wooon, believed to be the fundamentalist particle that holds religions together. Theory says it has to exist and if it exists anywhere, it will be in Utah.

  7. #7 dutchdoc
    March 26, 2010

    In case one wonders HOW nutty these folks are exactly, read THIS on their website (concerning the ‘mark of the beast’):

    link

  8. #8 Bill Dauphin, OM
    March 26, 2010

    Not that the wackaloonery is required to be consistent or anything, but…

    He had a vision that revealed that he, personally, was the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ’s dad.

    …doesn’t this conflate the Holy Ghost with God-the-Father? And wouldn’t that reduce the Trinity to… what?… the Duety? The Binarity? Surely there’s some sort of fatal heresy in there somehwere….

  9. #9 RebeccaInPortland
    March 26, 2010

    Is he trying to fly in the photo?

  10. #10 vanharris
    March 26, 2010

    Nahhhh, he doesn’t look like he’s the bible bogey. He’s much too soft looking.

    (Of course, logic says that this entity only exists in the minds of primitives.)

  11. #11 Michelle R
    March 26, 2010

    …Man was made in that guy’s image?

  12. #12 Levi in NY
    March 26, 2010

    How come all the angels behind Jesus are white? Doesn’t God let black/brown people into Heaven?

  13. #13 The Otter God
    March 26, 2010

    @12:

    Of course not. These are mormons after all.

  14. #14 vreejack
    March 26, 2010

    Utah is the home of the Large Moron Collider, searching for the Wooon, believed to be the fundamentalist particle that holds religions together. Theory says it has to exist and if it exists anywhere, it will be in Utah.

    Ribs Hurt From Laughing

    I thought it read “Large Mormon Collider”

  15. #15 raven
    March 26, 2010

    raided by federal officials investigating claims of child sexual abuse

    Well, he has the god’s prophet routine down pretty well.

    God always wants people to send his prophets their cutest teen age (or younger) children and all their money in small unmarked bills.

    Some of god’s prophets like Tony Alamo are now in prison. Those secular authorities just don’t get True Religion and they are going to hell. No child brides for them.

  16. #16 Electric Monk's Horse
    March 26, 2010

    Instead of the “Church of the Firstborn and General Assembly of Heaven” he looks like is a member of the “Church of the Getting Ready to Give Birth and the Special Subcommittee In Charge of Pastries of Highcalorieland.” Its first commandment is obviously Thou Shalt Not Exercise and you are required to eat all the sacrificed animals, which instead of being burnt are fried.

  17. #17 Celtic_Evolution
    March 26, 2010

    Oh, hey! Fat jokes. :-/

  18. #18 Electric Monk's Horse
    March 26, 2010

    OK, sorry, delete last comment. #5 is right.

  19. #19 Sastra
    March 26, 2010

    The accompanying article is interesting. I particularly liked the local who expressed the general concern about having such an odd group in their midst, and that the neighbors were therefore divided between bulldozing the house to the ground, or praying over it. Sounds like they fit right into the neighborhood, to me.

  20. #20 vbalbert
    March 26, 2010

    @vreejack: Having been a Mormon (I got better!) I can assure you, I am constantly mixing up the words “Mormon” and “moron”. And I think a few Mormons should be collided for the greater good.

  21. #21 'Tis Himself, OM
    March 26, 2010

    The Holy Ghost needs glasses? Couldn’t he just poof his eyes to 20/20?

  22. #22 Sili
    March 26, 2010

    And that would be my Mollynom for March.

    too crazy for Utah

    Nah. They just don’t like the competition. They know a good idea when they see one.

    OH NO!! NOT plauges (whatever they are) and other strange weather!!!

    I think you’ll find it has something to do with rouges running wild in the countryside.

  23. #23 Shadow
    March 26, 2010

    Maybe the glasses are for his ‘otherworldly vision’?

  24. #24 Celtic_Evolution
    March 26, 2010

    The Holy Ghost needs glasses?

    Heh. Now that was funny.

  25. #25 Your Name's Not Bruce?
    March 26, 2010

    @’Tis #21

    The glasses are a disguise so he can avoid detection by the Holy Ghostbusters (TM).

    Or the FBI

    Who yah gonna call?

  26. #26 Tiki_Idyll
    March 26, 2010

    What I like best is how his restored bible speaks in faux KJV language.

  27. #27 Dae
    March 26, 2010

    I agree that these people are completely batshit. The news article PZ linked, however, was a bit off-putting – it emphasizes how the situation “doesn’t feel right” to their neighbors, but apparently there’s no hard evidence that the sect is in fact doing anything illegal? At least, none is given in the article. I can’t quite decide whether the author included the quotes from the hostile neighbors to up-play the sect’s weirdness and cast them in a more negative light, or just to show that people are easily spooked.

    If the former: Liberals of all stripes get rightfully upset about the same kind of press (for example, citations about how a Good, God-Fearing Family just “doesn’t feel comfortable/safe” having that homosexual couple move in next door); just because these people are even more wacky than garden-variety sky wizard worshipers doesn’t automatically make them evil, or even bad neighbors. (That said, if there actually was anything to the assassination and child abuse rumors, I’d fully support deluxe medieval torture-chamber treatment. But so far, no hard evidence that those things were occurring.)

  28. #28 JerryM
    March 26, 2010

    Are we now making comments on how someone looks?

    Thought what he does or says is enough fodder for ridicule, no need to debase yourself.

  29. #29 Celtic_Evolution
    March 26, 2010

    Ya know… we easily laugh and dismiss this guy… but don’t underestimate people’s propensity to be drawn to teh crazy and teh stoopid…

    I mean, is this guy all that noticeably different from Joseph Smith?

  30. #30 AJ Milne
    March 26, 2010

    Huh. So George Costanza is the Messiah.

    Who knew.

  31. #31 kantalope
    March 26, 2010

    I dunno – no lame crackers for this sect; instead nice fluffy croissants!!

    Too crazy for Utah can’t be the reason…the meters don’t stop at even 11 there.

    But you should protect yourself from the “mark o the beastie”: Protect Yourself

  32. #32 https://me.yahoo.com/a/SaqGVG0xvJEQVwURVamS3DTCdvov0BLhXK1jOsYPPJQ-#b4893
    March 26, 2010

    I look for something in my deities that inspires a little more awe than that.

    I think Idaho would have been a better choice of destinations for him. The loon quotient is way lower in Montana.

    MikeM

  33. #33 Pierce R. Butler
    March 26, 2010

    Looking at the top picture, my first impression was that the mostly-cropped person on the left, wearing blue jeans, was actually a rather small human in overalls, bent over and leaning away from Mr. Ghost but still in handy groping range.

    Funny what we come to expect from religious leaders, iznit?

  34. #34 FrankT
    March 26, 2010

    The Mark of the Beast section fills me with confidence:

    “I am an electronics engineer with a science background. I’m also an electronic mind control (EMC) victim.”

    Since they got an engineer who calls themselves a scientist to rant about electronic mind control and satan, it must be true.

  35. #35 Caine, Fleur du mal
    March 26, 2010

    We have found Words, Verses, Chapters and whole Books which have been removed

    Mmm hm. I note he doesn’t say where all this word of god was found.

    The Book of the Prophet Gaud

    Hahahahahaha. Creativity is not Doughboy’s forte, is it?

  36. #36 raven
    March 26, 2010

    but apparently there’s no hard evidence that the sect is in fact doing anything illegal? At least, none is given in the article.

    Spokane Spokesman-Review 4/9/00 A1
    Cult remnant still believes after 22 years

    Murder-suicides In Salt Lake didn?t finish Family of David

    By Bill Morlin

    Staff writer

    One August morning in 1978, Rachel David marched her seven children to an 11th-floor balcony of a Salt Lake City hotel. One by one, she threw or coaxed them over the railing. Then she jumped.

    Three days earlier, her husband, Immanuel David, who believed he was God, killed himself because the FBI was investigating his cult.
    Most people thought the shocking saga of lmmanuel David and his cult ? the biggest murder-suicide case in Utah?s history ?ended 22 years ago.
    It didn?t.
    About a dozen members of the Family of David in Spokane and Denver are keeping alive the belief that Immanuel David is God. All have changed their last names to David.

    One member is the woman who, as a 15-year-old, was the only survivor of the 100-foot plunge from the balcony. She is now 38, brain-damaged and otherwise disabled, and lives with remnants of Immanuel David?s flock near Denver.

    You have half a point. But there is a lot of history behind these mini-cults in Utah.
    1. The Family of David ran into trouble and a lot of them died when the wife of “god” threw her 7 children off an 11th story balcony. Oddly enough, they still exist minus “god” and the kids.

    2. The polygamists used to fight wars among themselves and occasionally kill each other.

    3. They also occasionally shoot it out with the cops and kill them too.

    There are an estimated 50,000 polygamists in Utah and these are not nice people. They marry their close relatives a lot (incest) because they are pretty inbred, marry girls off as kids, most were on welfare, they drive out the boys because if the leaders have 10 wives, the boys are superfluous competitors, and on and on and on.

    Weird stuff involving religion happens in Utah a whole lot.

    With that history, normal people are always a bit wary of strange groups of strange people claiming variously to be god, god’s best buddy, or god’s speaker system.

    The assassination threats aren’t a good sign and death threats are felonies. They are innocent until proven guilty but only an idiot wouldn’t keep an eye out just in case the next cuckoo cult goes crazy.

  37. #37 Culturemorph
    March 26, 2010

    Is it possible that the Apocalypse of 2012 is real?… But it’s the Apocalypse of Reason?
    That’s what it feels like is happening in the world.

  38. #38 Legion
    March 26, 2010

    He’s now living in a collection of campers and vans on a 5 acre lot in Montana…

    So he’s living in a van… down by the river?

    leading a breakaway Mormon sect

    LOL. “breakaway mormon sect” is synonymous with “patriarchical coven of women hating child rapists.”

  39. #39 https://me.yahoo.com/a/SaqGVG0xvJEQVwURVamS3DTCdvov0BLhXK1jOsYPPJQ-#b4893
    March 26, 2010

    “Hey, you guys got a cup of crazy I could borrow?”

  40. #40 Feynmaniac
    March 26, 2010

    Huh. So George Costanza is the Messiah.

    Master of His Domain.

    Although, things make more sense now. God and Jesus are really just Relationship George and Independent George. Two Georges in one George. “You’re killing independent George!” also makes more sense.

  41. #41 Pierce R. Butler
    March 26, 2010

    … he’s been busy rewriting the Bible…

    Such a great pity, then, that Terrible Terrill doesn’t seem to merit mention by his distinguished collaborators in that holy work at conservapedia.

  42. #42 https://me.yahoo.com/a/SaqGVG0xvJEQVwURVamS3DTCdvov0BLhXK1jOsYPPJQ-#b4893
    March 26, 2010

    I loved this comment on the newspaper’s blog:

    Wow, Billings must be a magical city. Every time I go to Billings I’m made a Chief. I don’t know if the people there made me Chief of all Sioux Nations or of all the tribal nations in the country. Now this guy comes to town and he’s the Holy Ghost and the father of Jesus Christ! If he’s the father of Jesus Christ then that makes him God but now I wonder why he has to pray for guidance when he’s the Father of Jesus and the Holy Ghost all wrapped up in one. Shouldn’t he know where to go before he prays to himself? This is blasphemy pure and simple but very entertaining. As for those that have called me “Chief”, I bid you a good day. Now I must return to my chiefly duties.

    I nominate this guy for a Molly.

  43. #43 https://me.yahoo.com/a/SaqGVG0xvJEQVwURVamS3DTCdvov0BLhXK1jOsYPPJQ-#b4893
    March 26, 2010

    I bet the Bible these guys are writing won’t be as funny as the LOLCat Bible.

  44. #44 ozskeptic
    March 26, 2010

    On his website he denies that they are collecting guns he states “we only have one gun, a .22 and I don’t even know where that is”. I feel so much safer for the 9 or so kids on the property.

  45. #45 grahame.p.ward
    March 26, 2010

    We know the Firstborn were the Elves, the Elder Children of Illuvatar. Fuck these mormon upstarts.

  46. #46 Shala
    March 26, 2010

    too crazy for Utah

    I so don’t believe you.

    *check link*

    Sometimes I wonder what use everything is. What a rotten group they are.

  47. #47 Carlie
    March 26, 2010

    Fat jokes – do not like. :(

    Legion beat me to the “down by the river” comment.

  48. #48 'Tis Himself, OM
    March 26, 2010

    Tiki_Idyll #26

    What I like best is how his restored bible speaks in faux KJV language.

    Dalton is an ex-Mormon. If you’ve ever read the Book of Mormon you’ll find it’s written in a parody of the KJV style. Dalton is just following in Joe Smith’s footsteps.

  49. #49 Feynmaniac
    March 26, 2010

    If you’ve ever read the Book of Mormon you’ll find it’s written in a parody of the KJV style. Dalton is just following in Joe Smith’s footsteps.

    A copycat of a copycat of a bad translation of an Iron Age fairy tale book.

  50. #50 AJ Milne
    March 26, 2010

    In fairness to those discomfitted by the comments on Mr. Costanza’s appearance, I’d like to assure you: I do have some sympathy.

    … but I’m torn on this.

    I mean, yes, society really does set up impossible expectations for beauty in would-be deities. The standard, for middle-Eastern messiahs, last I checked, oddly enough, was wavy, long blond hair, high cheekbones, pale skin, blue eyes to die for…

    And come on. Who looks like that? Especially before they’ve had their coffee?

    Or, for that matter, after they’ve been hanging on a cross for most of a day…

    And that’s just in the that niche. To make it in the Hindu pantheon, apparently, you have to look fucking incredible while mostly naked and striking a vaguely erotic pose for the guy doing the temple friezes–indeed, while holding that same quasi-orgasmic position long enough for him to chip our your likeness in limestone…

    Or have six arms.

    My point is: either way, it’s pretty daunting.

    So yes, I think it’s fair to say we’re setting up impossible expectations for our upcoming deities, it’s true, and I worry: how might this affect their sense of self worth? And absolutely, in principle, we should be embracing a wider diversity of body types in gods… I mean, just ‘cos you can’t squeeze into a size six sarong, it really does seem to me you should be able to make it as a reincarnation of Parvati… You, too, should be able to stand in front of your breakaway sect of six people in a Flatbush apartment block, beer gut and all, and stand, proudly proclaiming: ‘I am the reincarnation of Apollo! Yes, I have plumber’s butt. But it’s a sexy plumber’s butt. I like me the way I am… Stop laughing! Fuck! I said I’m Apollo…’

    But like I said, I’m torn, here. Inclusive as I’d like to be about this thing, our Mr. Costanza claims to be the creator of the universe…

    And he’s wearing a blue golf shirt I strongly suspect he purchased in a dollar store.

    See, that’s just not working for me.

    (/Excerpted from my forthcoming ‘The Beauty Myth for Would-Be Higher Beings’, in print real soon now, I assure you.)

  51. #51 OurDeadSelves
    March 26, 2010

    Weirdness, I just realized I went to high school with a bunch of Mormon kids name Dalton.

    *shudder!*

  52. #52 Rider1
    March 26, 2010

    I agree with the idea of an education for Palin, but this arseclown needs one even more – his spelling isn’t just bad, its inconsistent. I just hope he doesn’t become another Waco whacko.

  53. #53 Rey Fox
    March 26, 2010

    “Members of the Church of the Firstborn and General Assembly of Heaven had fled to Idaho from Utah last year”

    Oh HELL no.

  54. #54 Kirk
    March 26, 2010

    Is he trying to fly in the photo?

    No, he’s not trying to fly, he is flying, because he’s the holy ghost.

    Unfortunately the photo makes him look like a fat man sitting on a chair, but that’s because digital cameras don’t correctly capture holy ghosts.

  55. #55 Caine, Fleur du mal
    March 26, 2010

    Kirk:

    Unfortunately the photo makes him look like a fat man sitting on a chair, but that’s because digital cameras don’t correctly capture holy ghosts.

    Fixed that for ya.

  56. #56 Holytape
    March 26, 2010

    He is not the holy ghost. Everyone knows that the Pac-Devil ate the holy ghost.
    Secondly, I bet he stole his idea to rewrite the bible from me. I’ve already cover Jonah, the crucifixion, and the virgin birth.

  57. #57 DLC
    March 26, 2010

    These whackos look to be the next Branch Davidians or possibly Heaven’s Gate cult. You know, if they only took themselves out I might not be too bothered by it. But really, it’s a pity they are so deluded as to follow that witch-doctor’s word.

  58. #58 Thunderbird 5
    March 26, 2010

    Father Flubba-Wubba here does not appear to have been born with a physical defect, nor are his looks the result of an accident. He – like many – chooses to stuff his maw and to live with the resultant bloat and we – like many – can choose to take the piss. Registering one’s distaste is one thing but asking that others should therefore censor themselves is quite another.

  59. #59 Dae
    March 26, 2010

    @ raven, #36 -

    I’m familiar with the terrible history surrounding the Utah-based/spawned cults, and I wouldn’t blame any one living near these people for being a bit nervous (and indeed would be myself in their positions). My issue was only with the presentation in the article, and the lack of backup info regarding that specific group. At any rate, thanks for the article segment.

  60. #60 Kirk
    March 26, 2010

    Caine:

    I’m probably missing your point.

    What if the digital camera made the holy ghost look like Sidney Greenstreet sitting on a chair? Would that look like a fat man sitting on a chair?

  61. #61 Dust
    March 26, 2010

    A moon face like the one on ‘Mr. Holy Ghost, Renegade (and bad speller)’ looks like what can be a common feature of people with Cushing’s Disease, a disease of the pitutitary gland.

    Cushing’s is a tough disease to treat and diagnose and it would be my guess that Mr. Dalton does not have the health insurance he needs to get a proper diagnosis to see if he has this or any other possible endocrine or metabolic disorder.

    Chushing’s

    Plus Cushing’s can cause possible psychiatric conditions

    How common are psychiatric problems with Cushing’s, and what problems do Cushing’s patients have?

    In some studies, as many as 90% of Cushing’s patients suffer from depression. In part, this is due to actual chemical changes in the brain from high cortisol. The depressing effect of having a serious and impairing illness may also contribute to depression. High cortisol levels also can be experienced by the body as anxiety, and insomnia is extremely common in patients on steroids and with high cortisol states. Elevated, agitated mood, like in mania, can also be seen in a minority of patients, and some actually hallucinate and have psychotic symptoms. Problems with concentration and memory are common and may improve or continue after recovery, depending upon the severity and length of the Cushing’s symptoms.

    From Here

    However, if his his cult and/or himself is breaking the law, including the possible sexual abuse of children, I hope the law steps in and puts a stop to it.

  62. #62 Caine, Fleur du mal
    March 26, 2010

    Fat is an unnecessary descriptor.

  63. #63 Thunderbird 5
    March 26, 2010

    Caine – so I take it you’ve asked PZ to remove his “anorexic Jesus” jibe too?

  64. #64 Kirk
    March 26, 2010

    Sorry, but I can’t agree. If it looked like Sidney Greenstreet sitting on a chair, it would be a fat man. In fact, it would be the fat man.

  65. #65 Carlie
    March 26, 2010

    Thunderbird5, anorexic jokes are also bad. Believe it or not, when people say that they don’t think jokes based on appearance are appropriate, they mean it in all ways.

  66. #66 Caine, Fleur du mal
    March 26, 2010

    No, Thunderbird5, I haven’t. Fat jokes, anorexic jokes, they aren’t appropriate. Full stop.

    Kirk, it isn’t Sidney Greenstreet, nor is it a particular movie. Your comment stood on its own without the descriptor of fat. Is that too complex to understand? At the very least, think about it, and think about how often you may unwittingly hurt someone by the use of unnecessary descriptors.

  67. #67 Tim Hough
    March 26, 2010

    Wow! He looks like everyone’s favourite murderer, Mark David Chapman!

  68. #68 John Morales
    March 26, 2010

    Caine:

    No, Thunderbird5, I haven’t. Fat jokes, anorexic jokes, they aren’t appropriate. Full stop.

    Why not?

    When did fatness become sacred and beyond jocularity?

  69. #69 tdanielmidgley
    March 26, 2010

    Rewriting the Bible is a time-honoured Mormon tradition. Joseph Smith did it — both the KJV, and that fan-fiction they call the Book of Mormon.

  70. #70 PZ Myers
    March 26, 2010

    Fat is an unnecessary descriptor.

    So is poopyhead, but that doesn’t stop anyone.

    Also, as a person possessing a non-stick-like physique, I get plump privilege. So there.

  71. #71 John Morales
    March 26, 2010

    ObFatJoke (bonus sexism!):
    “How do you make a pound of fat sexy?
    …put a nipple on it.”

    (Why, yes.
    It was a woman from whom I heard that one!)

  72. #72 Caine, Fleur du mal
    March 26, 2010

    PZ:

    So is poopyhead, but that doesn’t stop anyone.

    True. I’m one of those who doesn’t use it though. ;)

  73. #73 nankay
    March 26, 2010

    Oh puh-lease. As a fat woman I fail to see how describing the man sitting there as ‘fat” is nothing more than a descriptor. He’s a fat man, a brown haired man, a caucasian man , a 2 armed man..etc. Get off the cross because somebody needs the wood.

  74. #74 thehumanmichael
    March 26, 2010

    why did an omniscient and omnipotent creator need a vision to reveal that he is an omniscient and omnipotent creator? shouldn’t he have already known? he doesn’t seem to know where to go, either. worst god ever.

  75. #75 PZ Myers
    March 26, 2010

    The interesting thing about his weight is that he claims to be a god…but other than Buddha, he does not fit the stereotypical image of his deities. If you want to decry a fat-loathing stereotype, look no further than the Christian imagery he uses — that Jesus looks lean to the point of illness.

    I’ve noticed that gods never seem to be illustrated as looking out of shape, with a potato nose and bad posture and creaky knees. I am being discriminated against! I never see me in the holy books or on the television or on the fashion runways.

  76. #76 Kirk
    March 26, 2010

    Sorry, Caine, I don’t agree.

    This particular “attempting to fly” holy ghost is chubby (and also sitting down), which makes him interesting to me. Although I’m a big fan of the written word, a picture says a lot sometimes.

    A gaunt holy ghost … too run of the mill (although we could have started a thread on that as well :)).

    And regarding descriptors (or adjectives, as some of us call them in this case), I think they are generally a good thing, as long as they aren’t over-used.

    He’s a fat guy in sitting on a chair claiming to be 1/3 of the trinity, and should be roundly (:D) ridiculed for it.

  77. #77 Kirk
    March 26, 2010

    Oh, man, I missed it on the previous post.

    He’s probably claiming to be 4/9 of the trinity, and if he hasn’t already, he ought to.

  78. #78 PZ Myers
    March 26, 2010

    Yeah, look at the size of him. He’s at least 2/3 of a trinity.

    Oh, I shall be flogged, I know.

  79. #79 Sastra
    March 26, 2010

    Oh, I shall be flogged, I know.

    It’s not nice to make unkind remarks about people’s appearance.

    There.

  80. #80 Antiochus Epimanes
    March 26, 2010

    I’ve gotta hand it to David the God. I read a couple of his new Bible chapters, and they’re an impressive achievement. He’s managed to crap out something even more poorly written than the original.

    And just to keep the argument going, I have no problem with referring to him as bloated, porky, tubby, etc. – and I’m somewhere close to his size. In my case, as is likely in his, it’s a result of eating a lot and not exercising. But perhaps I’m just discriminating against myself by noticing.

  81. #81 Feynmaniac
    March 26, 2010

    (/Excerpted from my forthcoming ‘The Beauty Myth for Would-Be Higher Beings’, in print real soon now, I assure you.)

    I lol’d.

  82. #82 Harbo
    March 26, 2010

    When did Pharyngula become politically correct?
    Would all the fragile ones go elsewhere to whine.
    We would like to opine/whine without you.

  83. #83 Antiochus Epimanes
    March 26, 2010

    Well, PZ, there is Ganesh. He’s big-nosed, chunky and usually shown sitting down. And he’s reputed to be a really nice guy.

  84. #84 Carlie
    March 26, 2010

    I just find jokes made at the expense of what people look like to be the kind of things that are cliquish and unnecessary and likely to also create a bad environment for other people who happen to share some of those traits, and therefore a substandard form of insult. It’s the same continuum from fat to beanpole to four-eyes to tranny to cripple.

  85. #85 MadScientist
    March 26, 2010

    Whatever you do, don’t cross the streams!

    Oh, and if you’re asked if you’re a god, say YES!

  86. #86 Thunderbird 5
    March 26, 2010

    Sooner or later some production co, is going to have to trundle out Marjoe Gortner for a makeover series/reality show format; hired to give expert coaching to those whose messianic ambitions are not matched by their pulling power.

  87. #87 Carlie
    March 26, 2010

    When did Pharyngula become politically correct?

    I don’t think of it as “politically correct” so much as “being sure to insult ignorant fucking assholes for the thing they’re being ignorant fucking assholes about”. Precision and accuracy are good things.

  88. #88 OriGuy
    March 26, 2010

    Buddha is not usually considered by Buddhists to be a god, at least not in the way other religions think of gods. He does have some resemblance to Ganesha, however.

  89. #89 Thunderbird 5
    March 26, 2010
  90. #90 Ing
    March 26, 2010

    WHOA looks like he let the Ghostbusters choose his corporal form again…

  91. #91 Celtic_Evolution
    March 26, 2010

    Oh, hey! More fat jokes. :-/

  92. #92 Carlie
    March 26, 2010

    Ooo, that’s edgy and so funny, Thunderbird. I’m not saying not to call him a fatass. Knock yourself out. Nothing bad will happen to you if you do. I’ll just call that a dumbass insult. Hope it doesn’t hurt your little feelings too much.

  93. #93 Dust
    March 26, 2010

    That Butthurt form is genius!

    And Mr. Dalton?……..still phat!

  94. #94 Pierce R. Butler
    March 26, 2010

    PZ Myers @ # 75: … other than Buddha, he does not fit the stereotypical image of his deities.

    Gawdz only know what Dalton’s deities (not a good enough name for a rock band, but maybe a tv show…) might look like, but not all reported superbeings look like Marvel heroes, or even Michelangelo’s chastely homoeroticized images.

    Hephaestus/Vulcan, for example, was/is lame. And Dionysus/Bacchus, for another, has never been depicted as having the body of, er, a Greek god.

  95. #95 Pierce R. Butler
    March 26, 2010
  96. #96 John Morales
    March 26, 2010

    Pierce, Hephaestus was a smith, and Dionysus had sex appeal.

    As for depictions, they might not always have been depicted as impressive physical specimens, but I contend that they often were, particularly in ancient and in classical art.

  97. #97 Bride of Shrek OM
    March 26, 2010

    Oops – well, sometimes Dionysus looks absolutely chiseled.

    But Bacchus, now, he had some meat on him.

    ..doesn’t matter what they look like, they’re the Gods of Booze and, as such, the only deities I worship. So until someone invents a God of Espresso and a God of Diet Coke, they’re all I got.

  98. #98 Bride of Shrek OM
    March 26, 2010

    Ugh, blockquote FAIL

    Oops – well, sometimes Dionysus looks absolutely chiseled.
    But Bacchus, now, he had some meat on him.

    ..doesn’t matter what they look like, they’re the Gods of Booze and, as such, the only deities I worship. So until someone invents a God of Espresso and a God of Diet Coke, they’re all I got.

  99. #99 Carlie
    March 26, 2010

    BoS – in the Percy Jackson and the Olympian series, Dionysus is being punished by Zeus and can’t drink alcohol, so he spends all his time drinking Diet Coke instead. I guess he could cover that one, too. :D

  100. #100 Bride of Shrek OM
    March 26, 2010

    Whilst googling “god” and “coffee” (what, you mean you people DON’T do such things?- you can’t all be just reading Pharyngula and looking at porn) this came in at 3rd spot.

    I am torn between finding this incredibly funny or incredibly tragic because the bastards have their grubby mitts on my precious brew.

    http://godscoffee.com/default.asp

  101. #101 KOPD
    March 27, 2010

    Actually, Buddha is depicted as being rather skinny. The chubby guy you’re referring to was not Buddha, but lived a few hundred years later.

  102. #102 Thunderbird 5
    March 27, 2010

    I just find jokes made at the expense of what people look like…a substandard form of insult.

    unlike

    …ignorant fucking assholes…

    But wait!

    Hope it doesn’t hurt your little feelings too much.

    unlike

    I just find jokes made at the expense of what people look like…..

    But wait!

    “rackinfrackinblarghyreligionyucksciencedoesn’tfitaaaarrrrhhhh”.

    That’s me told, then.

  103. #103 Gyeong Hwa Pak, Scholar of Shen Zhou
    March 27, 2010

    Actually, PZ. I give you the Buddha.

    Which reminds me. Why does depictions of Jesus look so western european? Shouldn’t he look middle eastern since he was middle eastern?

  104. #104 jcmartz.myopenid.com
    March 27, 2010

    Who knew that the Holy Ghost was so chubby!

  105. #105 Feynmaniac
    March 27, 2010

    Why does depictions of Jesus look so western european? Shouldn’t he look middle eastern since he was middle eastern?

    Well, I guess in medieval Europe people didn’t know much of humanity outside their own town. When it came to artistic works of Jesus these faces were the only faces they could really draw upon. The tradition stuck.

    Racism/tribalism probably also likely had much to do to with it. When time came that people probably knew better that Jesus was no white guy there came some weak rationalizations. Many didn’t like the idea that the God they worshiped wasn’t white.

    This isn’t really just limited to Europeans btw. I know from personal experience that in Latin America the depictions of Jesus tend to more “Latino looking”. You can also Google images for African Jesus. Can you guess how he looks?

    Popular Mechanics tried to make a much more likely depiction of Jesus a while ago:

    http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/research/1282186.html

  106. #106 kateduff
    March 27, 2010

    I read through his website and found is laughable that the word “jeans” is capitalized, and in many parts “bible” is not.

  107. #107 Butch Pansy
    March 27, 2010

    My favorite depictions of Lord Ganesha are of him dancing: plump, graceful, with a thick, raised trunk. Hanuman: flying monkey beef! Hephaestus has that big-armed daddy thing working for him. There are lots of hot gods out there; too bad they’re all imaginary, I could use a boyfriend.

  108. #108 truth machine, OM
    March 27, 2010

    Why does depictions of Jesus look so western european? Shouldn’t he look middle eastern since he was middle eastern?

    According to Dr. Christine Thomas, a UCSB Religious Studies Professor and historian of Christianity, it’s because the Spanish Inquisition went to great lengths to eliminate semitic imagery and replace it with aryan.

  109. #109 truth machine, OM
    March 27, 2010

    Popular Mechanics tried to make a much more likely depiction of Jesus a while ago

    The comments there are as appallingly stupid as one might imagine.

  110. #110 WowbaggerOM
    March 27, 2010

    I really like the idea of a black Jesus – not because I have anything to back that up; it’s just that such a thing would annoy the crap out of a vast number of Christians who think that he was as white as they are.

  111. #111 negentropyeater
    March 27, 2010

    I really like the idea of a middle eastern looking Jesus – first because that’s what makes sense, second because that annoys the crap out of a vast number of Christian nutcases who’d automatically think that he looks like an islamic terrorist.

  112. #112 defides
    March 27, 2010

    I can confirm that this twit is truly and perfectly the heir of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young – Hallelujah!

    Brief textual analysis shows the use of the phrase “And it came to pass” over 50 times in the relatively short Book of Japath the son of Pishkal, which is well in keeping with the number of times in which it appeared on the golden plaques of the angel Moroni. It is also full of the sort of bumbling inadequacies of the semi-literate ‘bare’ a name, and so forth, which is no doubt the appropriate stratagem to strengthen the appeal of the document to the American working class, who are rightly suspicious of people who can rite without speling erruhs and with proper grammer.

    I declare this man to be a rightful heir of the Fathers of the Church of Latter Day Saints.

    (Er… for avoidance of doubt I ought to point out that there are at least another 99 rightful heirs, and almost every one of them has a different view as to what God wants for the world – which is a little trickey, of course…/.)

  113. #113 defides
    March 27, 2010

    @ Raven (#6)

    The Large Moron Collider? LMAO.

    I wasn’t sure, but I had a feeling something like that was somewhere to be found, and I was pretty sure it would be in America.

    It’s a fearsome country, with a simply astonishing contribution to the condition of mankind during the last century.

    But boy, are there a lot of people over there doing everything to drag the average down…

  114. #114 defides
    March 27, 2010

    Some of this writing is too funny for words.

    From the Book of Pirianus (the Swordsman, no less!)

    “…And he was for most in his class at the training of the legions…”
    (read that a few times before I figured out what was wrong….)

    “…and I was priding myself…”

    It would be great if life was longer, since I would love to read all of this rubbish. These people – from Joseph Smith onwards – simply have no idea of how the very words they write betray the limitations of their personal ignorance and foolishness.

  115. #115 John Morales
    March 27, 2010

    Defides, I like your comments — but I note that ‘bare’ is a legitimate archaic version of ‘bore’ (the past participle form of the verb ‘bear’).

  116. #116 Carlie
    March 27, 2010

    Thunderbird5 – JJ Ramsey, is that you? Possibly a morphed bilbo? Your refusal to conceptualize that there are different types of insult is positively Intersectional.

    I enjoy most forms of insult, especially those based on targeting proud ignorance. I don’t like those based on physical characteristics or class/cultural group markers. Is that so difficult to understand?
    And why does it matter to you what kinds of insults I like? A few jokes were made, a few others commented that they were in poor taste. Nobody’s cramping your style. I don’t see where I tried to tell anyone to stop making such jokes. Distaste was simply registered, as you put it. You’re getting all defensive and upset that anyone voiced an opinion that happened to be critical of yours, and you’re the one forcing it to keep being a conversational issue. I would have been perfectly happy to let my comment at 47 be the only thing I said on the topic. When PZ mentioned flogging, my comment at 84 was just to say no, flogging wouldn’t come from me, this is just my opinion. I’m not sure why you think it’s such a big deal, and frankly, it’s tiresome for me to deal with and much more than tiresome for everyone else to skim past. Sometimes people make appearance-based jokes, and then sometimes other people will say hey, I don’t like those. It’s ok. Let it go, little grasshopper.

  117. #117 Bride of Shrek OM
    March 27, 2010

    Wowbagger

    I really like the idea of a black Jesus – not because I have anything to back that up; it’s just that such a thing would annoy the crap out of a vast number of Christians who think that he was as white as they are.

    ..and not wanting to enforce any stereotype here but lets face it, the music in church would be so much cooler if Jesus was black.

  118. #118 Antiochus Epimanes
    March 27, 2010

    @Raven and defides: In America we have a number of Large Moron Colliders. They’re called NASCAR tracks.

  119. #119 Carlie
    March 27, 2010

    really like the idea of a black Jesus – not because I have anything to back that up; it’s just that such a thing would annoy the crap out of a vast number of Christians who think that he was as white as they are.

    Don’t even need to go that far; just portray him as Middle Eastern as he actually would have been and they go apopletic.

  120. #120 Roger Stanyard
    March 27, 2010

    Why does the United States still continue to produce religious wackjobs on an industrial scale?

  121. #121 wheatdogg.myopenid.com
    March 27, 2010

    He’s not just a religious wackjob. He’s genuine tinfoil-hat material, too. “Electronic mind control” is the paranoid delusion that the Gummint or Aliens or Obama or that funny looking kid down the street is reading your thoughts or controlling you somehow. Likewise, the blather about the implanted chips (alien devices — there’s a whole subculture, with books to read about it, obsessed with these things) conflated with RFID tags, and so on. Some of the paranoid religious also thought universal bar codes were the Mark of the Beast.

    My armchair diagnosis is this dude is paranoid delusional. A lot of PDs go off the deep end with religious nuttery. A few end up starting cults. (Westboro Baptist Church, to name one.) His neighbors have cause to be really worried.

  122. #122 Carlie
    March 27, 2010

    lot of PDs go off the deep end with religious nuttery. A few end up starting cults. (Westboro Baptist Church, to name one.) His neighbors have cause to be really worried.

    And there’s another reason why universal health care with mental health coverage would be a Very Good Thing.

  123. #123 John Sherman
    March 27, 2010

    At the risk of being ironic, I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate here. Dalton is crazy, but at this point he is no more or less crazy than any hardline believer. And yes, he is fat, but I’ve been an atheist my entire adult life and most of my childhood and I out weight Dalton by another Dalton. He’s been accused of sexual child abuse and of sending threats to politicians, but accused is NOT convicted. Not in this country. No one has arrested him yet and the Secret Service is usually pretty up in your face about things like that. And finally, that is NOT a mushroom cloud behind Christ. It’s just Christ’s robes flowing about because that what His robes apparently do.There is no need to lie, exaggerate, or make fun of Dalton. His life and views do that job well enough.

  124. #124 Sastra
    March 27, 2010

    John Sherman #123 wrote:

    At the risk of being ironic, I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate here. Dalton is crazy, but at this point he is no more or less crazy than any hardline believer.

    No, I disagree. It is one thing to get a revelation from the Holy Ghost. It is another thing to get a revelation that you are the Holy Ghost. I think that at this point, Dalton has passed a point on that hardline.

  125. #125 https://me.yahoo.com/hairychris444#96384
    March 27, 2010

    No, I disagree. It is one thing to get a revelation from the Holy Ghost. It is another thing to get a revelation that you are the Holy Ghost. I think that at this point, Dalton has passed a point on that hardline.

    I’d pay money to see him try to walk through walls.

  126. #126 wheatdogg.myopenid.com
    March 28, 2010

    Here’s another worry — if he thinks he’s the Holy Ghost, will he try to impregnate some teenage girl hoping for a Messiah? Just sayin’

    And wasn’t the HG basically non-corporeal? This guy looks pretty corporeal (I will NOT say corpulent, lest the Fat Joke Police pull me over for a citation)to me. Is he like a standard ghost, who can become solid at will, except he always wants to be solid?

    And since when was it the HG that was Jesus’ dad? I thought God (aka The Father) took responsibility, or so the NT alleges. (Granted, I was not raised Mormon, so maybe they have a different take on this whole Trinity thing.)

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