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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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Tricked by the sweet perfume of another

Category: Organisms • Reproduction
Posted on: March 11, 2010 5:59 PM, by PZ Myers

We don't have a good name for this abomination. It's not bestiality, since it is cross-phylum, cross-kingdom lasciviousness.

Although, I do have to admit…that is one smokin' hot orchid.

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Comments

Posted by: Sven DiMilo | March 11, 2010 6:07 PM

It smells hot, but looks just OK.

Hey Ep 237 is up to 885 comments, and you're posting flower vidz?

priorities, sir

Posted by: Qwerty | March 11, 2010 6:12 PM

Orchid porn. Oh, the shame....

Posted by: Caine, ghetto féministe | March 11, 2010 6:13 PM

Mmmmm, orchid porn. Yeah! Piling on to Sven's comment - we're in need of a new endless thread, tentacled one.

Posted by: Glen Davidson | March 11, 2010 6:23 PM

I hope it's fun for him.

See, every living thing was made for a purpose, a number of them to be taken advantage of.

Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

Posted by: 朴競花/박경화 (Gyeong Hwa) | March 11, 2010 6:33 PM

If you think that's bad PZ, some guys ejaculate into inorganic tubes. (well, actually they are organic since they are made of hydrocarbons.)

Posted by: Armand K. | March 11, 2010 6:41 PM

We don't have a good name for this abomination. It's not bestiality [...]
Why not phytophilia, by analogy with zoophilia (a.k.a. 'bestiality')?

(Whoever says "phytophilia" should only be used when referring to humans using plants for sexual ends will be charged with discrimination against other species, a.k.a. speciesm! So you don't say I didn't warn you...)

Posted by: thehuntbox | March 11, 2010 6:52 PM

It had an orchasm.

Posted by: cervantes | March 11, 2010 6:54 PM

Speaking of abomination:

"Inside his small third floor office at Vatican City, the Rev. Gabriel Amorth prepares for his next client. In the corner, is a bed with restraining ropes. On the walls, pictures of the Virgin Mary. Near an armchair there is a Bible and other copies of prayers.
The Rev. Amorth, Chief Exorcist in the Vatican, Says He's Treated Over 70,000 Cases

Looking his 85 years, the priest is still dressed in his pajamas, but his face shows signs of energy that has helped sustain him as the chief exorcist for the Vatican during the last 25 years.

In a rare interview with the Italian newspaper, La Repubblica, Amorth strongly defends his work and that of the Association of Exorcists.

"The devil is not everywhere," he says. "But when he is present it is painful." He says he has treated over 70,000 cases of demonic possession.

"The devil is pure spirit, invincible. He is shown with the painful blasphemies coming from the person which he possesses. He can stay hidden. He can speaks different languages. He can transform himself," Amorth says. "

Abandon hope, all ye who enter to read on. . .

Posted by: Caine, ghetto féministe | March 11, 2010 6:59 PM

thehuntbox @ 7:

It had an orchasm.

Win. :D

#10

Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip | March 11, 2010 7:00 PM

Shouldn't lawmakers be banning such unnatural activities, for the children?

#11

Posted by: MoonShark | March 11, 2010 7:11 PM

Forget Japanese sex robots; somebody breed me a chemically seductive sex orchid, stat!

I wanna spend a weekend lost in those decadent petals and "paying" for the affair only by thrusting into another prosti-plant... before, as NBwaW says, it becomes illegal ;)

#12

Posted by: David Marjanović | March 11, 2010 7:12 PM

It had an orchasm.

ROTFL!

#13

Posted by: MoonShark | March 11, 2010 7:17 PM

One caveat though: I really hope there are no giant wasps that will pimp-sting me for getting too rough with their, ehm, "ladies".

#14

Posted by: Sven DiMilo | March 11, 2010 7:24 PM

giant wasps that will pimp-sting me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDSf3Kshq1M

#15

Posted by: monocotyledon | March 11, 2010 7:44 PM

Yay, genus Cryptostylis! I have a couple of species of this genus growing wild in my garden, and Anne did this research in my biology department.

Interestingly, if you put a flower of this orchid in a vase and leave it in one location, the wasps soon learn that it's not the real thing. But if you then move the vase to another spot, they'll try again.

#16

Posted by: lenoxuss | March 11, 2010 7:56 PM

Would it be fair to characterize this relationship as more parasitic than symbiotic, that the bug in the video is just wasting time and semen; as opposed to bee pollination, wherein the pollinators get something they actually use to survive? It's tempting to assume that the answer is yes, but perhaps the wasp gained benefits from the unintentional masturbation akin to those gained by masturbating primates or dolphins (increased energy levels, general "practice" of the organs in question, etc).

Also: Speciesism in the first sentence! "This species of… orchid can be just as alluring as a female." Why can't the orchid be considered a female? (Or at least having female parts.)

#17

Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | March 11, 2010 8:37 PM

Very cool.

Now if I could only figure out how to not ruin every orchid i try to grow.

#18

Posted by: Julie Stahlhut | March 11, 2010 9:10 PM

"Dammit, where have you been? You smell like flowers!"

#19

Posted by: Watson | March 11, 2010 9:21 PM

I'd hit it.

And I didn't even watch the video.

#20

Posted by: Ichthyic | March 11, 2010 9:56 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDSf3Kshq1M

those asiatic giant wasps have my vote for king of the insect world.

if they were the same size as a t-rex, they would make a t-rex look like a plush chew toy.

they are:

-extremely well armored
-well above the average size for an insect
-fly extremely well
-coordinate their attacks extremely well
-have good vision
-have MASSIVE sharp jaws with the musculature to back them up
-the sting (1/4" long!) is composed of multiple toxins that act as an instant insecticide, and none too good for human flesh, either.
-extremely aggressive (well, usually - i don't know how, but some people actually keep the fucking things as PETS!)

I mean, one on one, they are a match for just about any insect out there up to 3x their size.

when en masse?

forgetaboutit.

Those things actually scare me.

#21

Posted by: Ichthyic | March 11, 2010 10:03 PM

Now if I could only figure out how to not ruin every orchid i try to grow.

-dilute your fertilizer by half, or buy orchid-only fertilizers
-don't overwater! if you live in a non-humid environment, put your orchid over a tray of wet stones, and/or mist daily.
-keep good air circulation, but don't let them get exposed to rapid temperature fluctuations daily.
-different species like different growing media, but even the ground-based ones like VERY airy, fast draining soils. the tree based ones prefer to grow in bark (which means you need to keep the humidity up around them by one of the previous mentioned means).
-bright light is typically better than direct sun for most.
-switch to a higher phosphorous-based fertilizer a month before they are supposed to start blooming.
-don't worry too much about an orchid being potbound, better potbound than repotting and disturbing the roots too much.
-when repotting, look for old bulbs to divide away to make new plants, check roots for dead areas, and clip back to living tissue. Be careful not to break the roots when repotting, as much as possible anyway.
-do not water for at least a week after repotting, and first fertlize should be half strength of what you normally use, and not until one month after repotting.

#22

Posted by: Caine, ghetto féministe | March 11, 2010 10:15 PM

Ichthyic:

-extremely aggressive (well, usually - i don't know how, but some people actually keep the fucking things as PETS!)

Those things actually scare me.

Regular wasps scare me (I'm allergic), those things are going to give me nightmares.

#23

Posted by: dae | March 11, 2010 10:22 PM

God is such a pervert.

#24

Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | March 11, 2010 10:26 PM

A New Scientist video clip, here?!?

Standards are declining everywhere. I just don't know what it is with kids these days...

#25

Posted by: Josh, "Raquel Dommage," Porte-parole Gay Official | March 11, 2010 10:37 PM

Slutty, slutty, slutty. I've never seen such cheap flowers or insects in my life.

Also, the narrator needs to stop saying "ejacoolate." It's making me nuts. Yes, I know she has a different pronunciation. No, I don't care. Yes, I spurn it with no regard to her native tongue. Nyah.

#26

Posted by: Ichthyic | March 11, 2010 10:58 PM

Regular wasps scare me (I'm allergic), those things are going to give me nightmares.

I have heard about and seen a vid of a smaller type of wasp I think in South America that is even more aggressive (WAY MORE) than these guys, and the stings invariably cause near death experiences in those that have a hive go after them.

I can't recall the name of the buggers now.

but still, these asiatic wasps scare me more, per individual, since they are at least 2x the size of just about any other wasp out there.

#27

Posted by: Ichthyic | March 11, 2010 11:02 PM

as another aside...

points for anyone that can tell me which insect accounts for the most fatalities worldwide.

meh, that's probably too easy.

#28

Posted by: Caine, ghetto féministe | March 11, 2010 11:07 PM

Ichthyic:

I have heard about and seen a vid of a smaller type of wasp I think in South America that is even more aggressive (WAY MORE) than these guys, and the stings invariably cause near death experiences in those that have a hive go after them.

*shudders* The wasps I have right around my house I can cope with, they are downright mellow for wasps. Some folks a couple streets away from us ended up with nasty wasps that built a paper nest that was unbelievably massive. Those were small, but incredibly scary, as they went to attack en masse. I'm afraid they ended up poisoned in a hurry.

#29

Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | March 11, 2010 11:09 PM

Thanks Ichthyc

the wife and I suck at Orchids. Though we do follow most of those instructions already

#30

Posted by: Josh, "Raquel Dommage," Porte-parole Gay Official | March 11, 2010 11:11 PM

Those were small, but incredibly scary, as they went to attack en masse. I'm afraid they ended up poisoned in a hurry.

Good. Kill the bastards - they're hateful. I've had three encounters with wasps:

1. Stung in the inner ear by a yellow jacket as a two year old.

2. Stung on the eye by a wasp while I lay sleeping in my apt. in college

3. Stung on the hand while opening my cellar doors as I checked out the house I bought last year

As far as I'm concerned, this is war. If those sumbitches wanna survive, they better evolve. Quick.

#31

Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | March 11, 2010 11:12 PM

Ichtyic that is

#32

Posted by: Chgo_Liz | March 11, 2010 11:15 PM

Ichthyic: mosquitoes, right?

#33

Posted by: Ichthyic | March 11, 2010 11:16 PM

the wife and I suck at Orchids. Though we do follow most of those instructions already

keep trying with different species. I found even within a type (like phalenopsis or cattleyas) that some species seemed to thrive where I was growing them, and others did not.

#34

Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | March 11, 2010 11:16 PM

shit

#35

Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | March 11, 2010 11:23 PM

keep trying with different species. I found even within a type (like phalenopsis or cattleyas) that some species seemed to thrive where I was growing them, and others did not.

Ok. I think we've been on the same species pretty much. Have to check with the boss.

#36

Posted by: ronsullivan | March 12, 2010 12:01 AM

It's hortisexuality, of course.

#37

Posted by: Caine, ghetto féministe | March 12, 2010 12:04 AM

Ron Sullivan:

It's hortisexuality, of course.

More win. Especially when combined with #7: a hortisexual orchasm.

#38

Posted by: Merridol | March 12, 2010 1:54 AM

To be fair, quite a lot of angiosperms are guilty of cross-kingdom lasciviousness, they just usually trade food-for-sex instead of sex-for-sex. Or they give up on the whole sordid game and self-fertilize.

#39

Posted by: Sven DiMilo | March 12, 2010 7:37 AM

Stung in the inner ear by a yellow jacket as a two year old.

Biopedant to the rescue:
To sting you in the 'inner ear', a wasp (no matter how old it was, and no matter what gang colors it affected) would have had to penetrate your eardrum (or crawl up the eustachian tube; ew) for middle-ear access, then tunneled through various bones to reach the inside of your skull.

I presume you were actually stung inside the ear canal (outer ear).

#40

Posted by: Sven DiMilo | March 12, 2010 7:39 AM

I don't have to 'presume' that it hurt like hell.
Let's just say that I too am engaged in a long-term war vs. the nastier hymenopterans.

#41

Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/DgiEGD9kscDJEdF9A.79OTdYGt3M006DmA--#6c479 | March 12, 2010 10:19 AM

points for anyone that can tell me which insect accounts for the most fatalities worldwide.

mosquitoes.

the wife and I suck at Orchids. Though we do follow most of those instructions already

Well, sucking at them is probably the problem. Humans enjoy being sucked at, but flowers probably considerably less so. . .

Oh. . . you meant. . . never mind.

~LexAequitas

#42

Posted by: IanM | March 12, 2010 10:59 AM

A pharyngula sex video without David Attenborough?

#43

Posted by: caseyhov | March 12, 2010 1:06 PM

I'd hit it.

#44

Posted by: Andyo | March 12, 2010 2:06 PM

Is she mispronouncing "ejaculate", or have I been watching the wrong movies?

#45

Posted by: Josh, "Raquel Dommage," Porte-parole Gay Official | March 12, 2010 2:31 PM

@Sven:

Biopedant to the rescue: To sting you in the 'inner ear', a wasp (no matter how old it was, and no matter what gang colors it affected) would have had to penetrate your eardrum (or crawl up the eustachian tube; ew) for middle-ear access, then tunneled through various bones to reach the inside of your skull.

Quite right, sir, but as the SpokesGay(TM), I'm contractually obligated to Overdramatize(C). Sure as hell felt like it had drilled into my bones.

Being stung next to my eye was even worse. A millimeter's difference and that fucker would have actually penetrated my eyeball. I'm kinky, but not like that.

#46

Posted by: babner | March 12, 2010 4:02 PM

and i jizzed on my thorax.........

#47

Posted by: Galaxiid | March 12, 2010 4:57 PM

How Giant Hornets deal with European Honey Bees is brutal, but check out how native Japanese Bees deal with the same beasts!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5QxUR-mZVM

#48

Posted by: Ichthyic | March 12, 2010 8:29 PM

mosquitoes.

*ding*

by orders of magnitude too.

#49

Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline. | March 13, 2010 12:18 PM

"Sleep with" an orchid?

Political Correctness run amok!

#50

Posted by: Tania Winter | March 13, 2010 3:06 PM

What was it that Chandler said? "Orchids have the stink of decay and too much the feel of human flesh..."

#51

Posted by: Gore | March 14, 2010 4:23 AM

Oh god I'm gettin' flashbacks of something...
oh wait I know what is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPGD_PzXq28&feature=related
I also recall being very high when I saw this...

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