Pharyngula

I think I’ll stick to chocolate

This is a somewhat disturbing infographic. Some people are just a little too obsessed with their secretions.

i-2a2b7eb26b5a73c4bdbb792dc2319646-semen.jpeg

Comments

  1. #1 Ring Tailed Lemurian
    April 4, 2010

    Fancy that! I never know the Etoro were Catholics.

  2. #2 ursa major
    April 4, 2010

    Inquiring minds want to know: Are the claims about dietary effects on semen flavor based on double blind taste trials or is this just shit people make up?

  3. #3 Guesstimate_Jones
    April 4, 2010

    This is disgusting, and it isn’t even accurate. Raw meat gives semen a nutty, rich flavor, I have my boyfriend eat a lot of flank steak just for this reason.

  4. #4 Ring Tailed Lemurian
    April 4, 2010

    Sheesh. “knew”

    (Still annoyed at Walton).

  5. #5 SEF
    April 4, 2010

    What men eat can affect the taste of their sperm

    It seems more likely that it affects the other components of the semen, given what those are, and hence the semen as a whole rather than the sperm as specified. A typo?

    I think I’ll stick to chocolate

    Would that be a dairy product form of chocolate or one containing natural sugars? Should people be feeling sorry for the trophy wife?

  6. #6 broboxley OT
    April 4, 2010

    18ft? must have been saving it up

  7. #7 kellybyer
    April 4, 2010

    the world record for the farthest splooge is 18 feet

    Huhwhat? But… how? Annual splooging Olympics? National contests, then on to the internationals? Is it a group event?

    Ewwwwww. Don’t want to know. Really.

    Must. Go. Wash. Brain.

    Thanks for the Easter treat…

  8. #8 Sir Craig
    April 4, 2010

    And climbing to the #1 position on today’s TMI chart is…

    This is like the biggest anti-climax (every pun intended) to that old saw about the female student who, learning that semen is primarily fructose sugars, asks the question, “Then why does it taste so salty?” before realizing her faux pas and racing out of the classroom…

  9. #9 Feynmaniac
    April 4, 2010

    It is estimated that 5% of women are allergic to semen.

    Reminds me of a House scene:

    THIRTEEN: We think a severe allergic reaction could be causing systemic breakdown.

    DAD: To my son’s sperm?!

    TAUB: Actually, his semen is more likely the problem….. which, I realize, is not what you were reacting to.

  10. #10 alysonmiers
    April 4, 2010

    I really did not need to know that “farthest splooge” statistic. And now I can’t unknow it.

  11. #11 Andyo
    April 4, 2010

    Re: taste

    This I don’t believe. I need evidence. You guys do a blind test and then get back to me.

  12. #12 Rey Fox
    April 4, 2010

    Faster than a PERUVIAN jaguar!

  13. #13 Christian
    April 4, 2010

    I really did not need to know that “farthest splooge” statistic. And now I can’t unknow it.

    Well, I don’t know but I found that bit about the Etoro people of PNG a lot more disturbing.

  14. #14 madrone
    April 4, 2010

    Seems like a potential 18 ft splooge would, if somehow contained by a partner, cause discomfort if not an actual wound.

  15. #15 kilternkafuffle
    April 4, 2010

    @ Sir Craig (#8):
    The joke’s punchline is the professor’s answer that sweet taste receptors are located on the front of the tongue, while the salty taste receptors are located primarily further at the back. =)

    *I have had no way to confirm these specific anatomical facts – correct me if I am wrong!

  16. #16 NixNoctua
    April 4, 2010

    *trys not to throw up* oh, why, pz?!

    …why did I have to read the whole thing?

  17. #17 Kristjan Wager
    April 4, 2010

    kilternkafuffle the idea of taste receptors being located in different areas of the tongue has pretty much been disregarded. Every area of the tongue contains all taste receptors.

  18. #18 Glen Davidson
    April 4, 2010

    The remaining question is, what does swallowing semen make one’s semen taste like?

    You’d think in all of that irrelevant (to most of us, anyway) info. you’d get some consideration of that question.

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

  19. #19 SEF
    April 4, 2010

    It is estimated that 5% of women are allergic to semen

    Why no figure for men? It’s not as though those potential areas of inflammation aren’t applicable to men at all; and it’s not safe to assume the same percentage for both because the prevalence of allergic conditions can differ between the sexes.

  20. #20 drumprof
    April 4, 2010

    On a similar note…It’s Easter…the only res-erection I’m interested in is the one I enjoy every morning….Just had to do the blasphamy thing today….

  21. #21 https://me.yahoo.com/a/2Cpr09BisvAGE8xTLScKqHa9oE8qMtok#e64de
    April 4, 2010

    the idea of taste receptors being located in different areas of the tongue has pretty much been disregarded. Every area of the tongue contains all taste receptors.

    This is correct.

    In addition to this, interestingly, to taste something requires saliva to get to the receptors, so if you really don’t want to taste something, don’t plug your nose; dry off your tongue.

    -Kemanorel

  22. #22 https://me.yahoo.com/a/2Cpr09BisvAGE8xTLScKqHa9oE8qMtok#e64de
    April 4, 2010

    On a similar note…It’s Easter…the only res-erection I’m interested in is the one I enjoy every morning….Just had to do the blasphamy thing today….

    Yeah, but since Easter is actually based on the pagan festival of the spring equinox to Eostre, the deity of fertility (hence rabbits and eggs), this subject is actually very appropriate today.

    -Kemanorel

  23. #23 wasd
    April 4, 2010

    So how did we end up with this system? And before you start rummaging trough your evolutionist biology books lets look at a more plausible explanation:

    High Stakes Intelligent Designing

    Seen floating around the net:
    So this biology teachers is explaining the human reproductive system and for once the class is paying attention. Puberty, Ovulation, pregnancy and finally the composition of sperm: Plasma, vitamins, fructose sugars…

    A girl, fascinated like the rest of the class, interrupts and asks: “Wait but if there is so much sugar in it, how come it tastes so bitter?”

    Slowly it begins to dawn on the girl what she just asked…

    Then the biology teacher answers: “Because you taste sweet with the front of your tongue.”

  24. #24 https://me.yahoo.com/a/2Cpr09BisvAGE8xTLScKqHa9oE8qMtok#e64de
    April 4, 2010

    What I don’t understand, and maybe someone can explain this, but it says it has a pH of 7.2 – 8.0. Okay, let’s assume this is true. Not a great idea to make an assumption, but stick with me…

    Now, I remember from chemistry, that all bases taste bitter, all acids taste sour… is that a lie? Becuase if that’s not a lie, then there’s no way to make it not taste salty. At best, it would still taste at least a little salty (7.2 pH). At worst, it should be as salty tasting as sea water (8.0 pH).

    Is this wrong? Or if you ate a lot of fruit it would be like fruit dipped in some amount of salt? I don’t get it.

  25. #25 Xplodyncow
    April 4, 2010

    I HATE IT when stuff isn’t proofread! It should be: “… each teaspoon of semen can contain about 200 million to 500 million sperm,” not “200 to 500 million.” Sheesh.

  26. #26 SaintStephen
    April 4, 2010

    Eighteen feet???

    One of the few triumphs of Islam, apparently.

    Muhammad’s jihadist splooge barely missed his camel’s head, despite being located somewhat astern of the beast’s fetching haunches with his impressive trebuchet. He even signed the cum stain on the cave wall… or so legend has it.

  27. #27 BrianX
    April 4, 2010

    Kilternkafuffle:

    That sort of tongue mapping thing is actually no longer considered accurate, except by people trying to sell you oddly shaped wine and beer glasses. In any case, considering the joke is nothing more than straight-up sexist slut-shaming, I don’t think anyone thought it out that far.

  28. #28 Kraid
    April 4, 2010

    The 18-foot splooge is a little hard to swallow. *ba-dum ching*

    Fun fact: the sperm of the nematode worms have no flagella and instead crawl around by amoeboid motion.

  29. #29 Stuart
    April 4, 2010

    This post leaves a nasty taste in my mouth…. I don’t want semen shoved down my throat on a Sunday thank you!

    Anyway, 8,000,000,000 sperm per pig spunk!!?? blimey!

  30. #30 Minus
    April 4, 2010

    Just in case anyone forgot what Willie Dixon was talking about in “Lovin’ Spoonful.”

  31. #31 Sili
    April 4, 2010

    I HATE IT when stuff isn’t proofread! It should be: “… each teaspoon of semen can contain about 200 million to 500 million sperm,” not “200 to 500 million.” Sheesh.

    What the fluffer are you one about?!

    Ellipsis! Look it up.

    In speech I’d even par it down to “two to five hundred million”.

  32. #32 Pierce R. Butler
    April 4, 2010

    Males with vegetarian tendencies may want to share the “sweet” part of the above graphic with prospective close friends, though some may find the picture to the left of the “=” a bit too suggestive.

    NB: this is not the occasion for teasing others about their vegetarianism, lest they decide to go utterly vegan ifyaknowwhaddimean.

  33. #33 redrabbitslife
    April 4, 2010

    That poster is full of WIN!

    I want to print it up for my office (I do a lot of contraception/STI counselling being a young female doc).

    Talk about a way to make teens comfortable and parents acutely uncomfortable!

  34. #34 Janine, Mistress Of Foul Mouth Abuse, OM
    April 4, 2010

    I could not help but to think of an old short story by Larry Niven, Man Of Steel, Woman Of Kleenex. Just what would super sperm do?

  35. #35 Xplodyncow
    April 4, 2010

    What the fluffer are you one about?!
    Ellipsis! Look it up.
    In speech I’d even par it down to “two to five hundred million”.

    Ellipsis won’t work in this case. The written word should, in theory, be as unambiguous as possible, especially since text lacks the cues of verbal communication. How do I know the author intended “200 million” unless I look it up? He literally wrote, “two hundred to five hundred million,” which is quite a span.

    Wait, why am I working on my day off?! I’m not supposed to be thinking and proofreading things on the Sabbath.

  36. #36 Butch Pansy
    April 4, 2010

    There are no taste receptors in the throat. It takes a big man to leave you wondering what he tastes like. A comatose gag reflex comes in handy, too.

  37. #37 jcmartz.myopenid.com
    April 4, 2010

    Red meat, dairy products, onions, garlic, and coffee may cause sperm to taste bitter and acidic.

    I wonder who volunteered to taste the semen.

  38. #38 Givesgoodemail
    April 4, 2010

    (cue heavenly angelic boy’s choir):

    “Every sperm is sacred.
    Every sperm is great.
    If a sperm is wasted
    God gets quite irate.”

  39. #39 Sili
    April 4, 2010

    How do I know the author intended “200 million” unless I look it up? He literally wrote, “two hundred to five hundred million,” which is quite a span.

    Exactly. It’s so much of a span, that if that was the intended reading it would have been pointed out due to being so unexpected. There is not and will never be* a one-to-one correspondence between letters and thought. Context is nine tenths of communication. The only way to misunderstand the statement in question is through bad faith. Exactly like the people who claim to not understand negative concord. The minute you can say “What you mean is …” in responce to “I didn’t see nothing”, you show that you do in fact understand perfectly well what was said, and you’re merely trying to impose on the speaker in order to feel superior.

    Similarly in this case, if you did not understand the intended meaning, you would not have commented upon it. If from 200.0 to 500 000 000.0 was a viable reading, you would have read it as such and left it at that.

  40. #40 Bride of Shrek OM
    April 4, 2010

    So that’s why pigs always look like they’re smiling. They’re just really being smug at being the Kings of Virility.

  41. #41 Nerd of Redhead, OM
    April 4, 2010

    I recall a Dirty Jobs episode where Mike Rowe was artificially inseminating a sow. He had a 100 mL syringe…

  42. #42 shonny
    April 4, 2010

    That last one reminds me of a graffiti on a wall at the railway workshop in Midland, Western Australia:

    TRACY HAS SWALLOWED MORE SEMEN THAN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE

    Wonder how she would have gone up on Papua New Guinea.

  43. #43 redrabbitslife
    April 4, 2010

    @ Butch Pansy, actually, there are taste receptors in the throat. If you’re not tasting spunk, then either your “big man” is getting down below the epiglottis (and OMFG), or you’ve got problems in your brainstem.

  44. #44 RamziD
    April 4, 2010

    We should all congratulate Ring Tailed Lemurian for winning the thread!

  45. #45 Noni Mausa
    April 4, 2010

    Peruvian Jaguar? Nonsense, I know the silhouette of a cheetah when I see one.

    I cannot comment upon the factuality of the remainder of the content.

    Noni

  46. #46 Antiochus Epiphanes
    April 4, 2010

    Why no figure for men? It’s not as though those potential areas of inflammation aren’t applicable to men at all; and it’s not safe to assume the same percentage for both because the prevalence of allergic conditions can differ between the sexes.

    It’s been a long time since I took immunology, but I’m guessing that whatever potential allergens exist in semen would be identified as “self”…therefore no allergies.

    On the other hand, imagine how tough life would be for the man allergic to semen.

  47. #47 SEF
    April 4, 2010

    @ Antiochus Epiphanes

    I’m self-allergic. Your guess is ill-founded.

  48. #48 idiotiddidit#5116d
    April 4, 2010

    Two of the stats seem to be in conflict. The infographic claims the average sperm is traveling at 31 mph yet the average ejaculation is airborne for 7-10 inches. And it can’t be a matter that the sperm are traveling much faster than the entire mass but in random directions (like brownian motion … sorry Brownian) due to viscosity.

    These matter must be rectified. (ahem)

    ps: Who is a sperm’s favorite singer? A: Urethra Franklin

  49. #49 Pierce R. Butler
    April 4, 2010

    idiotiddidit#5116d @ # 48: … the average sperm is traveling at 31 mph yet the average ejaculation is airborne for 7-10 inches.

    The trick is in that word “average”. It must have taken some challenging field work to determine what percentage of ejacs splatter against latex or other membranes within the submillimeter range of leaving the launch tube, as compared with those which soar dramatically through relatively open space. The stats guys at the Sploogolympics* could probably help you with the numbers, if you ask very politely.

    *Do they really require contestants to perform as shown with no hands, unassisted?

  50. #50 Sauceress
    April 4, 2010

    Anyway, 8,000,000,000 sperm per pig spunk

    Well the FSM did have a big night with the Strippers around the Beer Volcanoes before He got to creating sperm numbers.

    If only we could figure out where to look for the unique “this one intended for fertilisation” marker code on that one in 200 to 500 million human sperm which Creates His chosen. Maybe those who worship the Incompetent Designer know where to look.

  51. #51 amk.myopenid.com
    April 4, 2010
  52. #52 DLC
    April 4, 2010

    Janine @ 34 : I remember that story. If I remember right, Niven wrote it for the Superman’s 50th birthday convention in 1988, and sometime later regretted doing it, as it sent the super-fans into a tizzy. Or something
    The religiots don’t like Superman either, because he’s more powerful than Yeshua Ben Joseph, their bronze age con-man Messiah.

    Xenu: Ruining people financially and emotionally for 75,000,000 years.

  53. #53 Def-Star
    April 4, 2010

    Fun Fact: Two compounds found in semen are called cadaverine and putrescine.

  54. #54 Janine, Mistress Of Foul Mouth Abuse, OM
    April 4, 2010

    DLC, it would be more like the late sixties-early seventies. I first read it as part of a collection of short stories when I was in high school. That was in the early eighties.

    Before posting this, I decided to check. It came out in 1971.

  55. #55 Antiochus Epiphanes
    April 4, 2010

    SEF:

    @ Antiochus Epiphanes
    I’m self-allergic. Your guess is ill-founded.

    Get the fuck out of here. I know I’m being nosey, but I would love to know how? Skin rash? Swollen junk? ermmm….food allergy?

    People are very rarely allergic to anything that they generate themselves.

  56. #56 Antiochus Epiphanes
    April 4, 2010

    SEF…don’t answer… I found some info on this, and wow…that must be difficult.

  57. #57 Antiochus Epiphanes
    April 4, 2010

    SEF…my apologies.

  58. #58 Ragutis
    April 4, 2010

    Interesting. Previously I’d only had Woody Allen to turn to for answers about everything I’d always wanted to know about sex but was afraid to ask.

    Posted by: amk.myopenid.com | April 4, 2010 8:01 PM
    Why has no-one linked Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen Based Recipes?

    Finally. The perfect gift for when you’re forced to do the secret santa thing at work.

  59. #59 GodlessNot Clueless
    April 4, 2010

    To quote the great Jo Brand;
    “God is a man, if he were a woman then sperm would taste like chocolate”.

  60. #60 yiela
    April 4, 2010

    I had a friend that said she could tell if a guy smoked cheap or expensive cigarettes by the taste.

  61. #61 aratina cage
    April 4, 2010

    Some people are just a little too obsessed with their other people’s secretions.

    FTFY. “If she doesn’t get his goop in 10 minutes, I’m gonna go in there and get it myself!” (NSFW) And you know, you don’t have to give up one to take up the other.

  62. #62 Andy Allen
    April 4, 2010

    Posted by: Minus @ #30:
    Just in case anyone forgot what Willie Dixon was talking about in “Lovin’ Spoonful.”

    And then there’s the UK 70′s band 10cc, about whom Wikipedia has to say, “A widely repeated claim…is that the band name represented a volume of semen that was more than the average amount ejaculated by men, thus emphasising their potency or prowess.” ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/10cc )

    Posted by: RamziD @ #44:
    We should all congratulate Ring Tailed Lemurian for winning the thread!

    Yup, first out of the gate and straight to the finish line :)

    Andy

  63. #63 Dionigi
    April 5, 2010

    3mg of Cholesterol me thinks I’ve found a way of reducing my cholesterol. Hope I don’t go blind.

  64. #64 Blindpig
    April 5, 2010

    Back in the ’70′s, my brother-in-law brought home a bunch of back issues of Easyriders he had found bound up to be thrown away on someones curb somewhere, because he was and still is, into all things motorcycle. At that time, they had an advise column, whose author had the nom de plume “Mother”. One of Mother’s correspondents asked, “Will swallowing my old man’s cum make me fat?” Mother replied,”Not nearly as fat as taking it up the snatch at the wrong time of month”

  65. #65 tonysidaway
    April 5, 2010

    I have to say that I don’t see quite why so much of the information on that poster is causing so many “squick” reactions among people who presumably have no religious objections to education or sex. It looks like just the kind of thing to provide a light-hearted introduction to a sex education class.

    As for the taste, many people either taste it or are on intimate terms with somebody who does, so what’s the problem?

  66. #66 bobryuu
    April 5, 2010

    I sincerely doubt that Cows have 8 billion sperm in their ejaculate. Bulls maybe, but cows? never!

  67. #67 https://me.yahoo.com/a/K2PNji0at.txAjzTShOlxwLuFcVVFwbnng--#bd813
    April 5, 2010

    Have noticed variations in saltiness, not much otherwise.

    gaypaganunitarianagnostic

  68. #68 jack.rawlinson
    April 5, 2010

    I showed this to my missus and she said “HA! As someone who has sucked a few dicks I can tell you it always tastes more-or-less like baking powder.”

    I shall have to bow to her greater knowledge on this matter.

  69. #69 truth machine, OM
    April 5, 2010

    Now, I remember from chemistry, that all bases taste bitter, all acids taste sour… is that a lie?Becuase if that’s not a lie, then there’s no way to make it not taste salty. At best, it would still taste at least a little salty (7.2 pH). At worst, it should be as salty tasting as sea water (8.0 pH).

    Uh, base != salt and bitter != salty.

    Is this wrong? Or if you ate a lot of fruit it would be like fruit dipped in some amount of salt? I don’t get it.

    That must happen to you a lot.

  70. #70 David Marjanovi?
    April 5, 2010

    I have to say that I don’t see quite why so much of the information on that poster is causing so many “squick” reactions among people who presumably have no religious objections to education or sex. It looks like just the kind of thing to provide a light-hearted introduction to a sex education class.

    Well, one factor is a sheltered upbringing. For instance, it now seems to me that oral sex is almost universal. Till a few months ago, when you experienced Pharyngulites talked about it at length and in detail (I forgot what topic triggered it), I thought it was a rare paraphilia, more common than BDSM perhaps, but not much. I still lack any desire to “inflict it on” anyone real or imaginary (to use the words a dungeon inmate once famously chose).

    Perhaps unsurprisingly, I also don’t particularly like the smell; couple that with sliminess, and the “‘squick’ reactions” should be understandable…

  71. #71 David Marjanovi?
    April 5, 2010

    (Uh, rare the way paraphilias are by definition, not rare for a paraphilia.)

  72. #72 krc [clowersnet.net]
    April 7, 2010

    #66 bobryuu

    I sincerely doubt that Cows have 8 billion sperm in their ejaculate. Bulls maybe, but cows? never!

    “Cow” can mean a female Bos primigenius, or Bos primigenius of either sex. “Bull” always refers to a male Bos primigenius.

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