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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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More articles by PZ Myers can be found on Freethoughtblogs at the new Pharyngula!
Someone is going to burn in hell for this
Category: Art • Godlessness • Humor
Posted on: April 13, 2010 12:14 PM, by PZ Myers
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Comments
Posted by: Recovered Catholic
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April 13, 2010 12:19 PM
Ha! ... and not a speck of cereal!
Posted by: Sastra
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April 13, 2010 12:20 PM
Ah, but this is only blasphemous in essence -- not in empirical fact.
Posted by: jchild
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April 13, 2010 12:21 PM
Would prefer a slow smoking, personally.
Posted by: Qwerty
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April 13, 2010 12:21 PM
And the "thumbs up" in the upper right corner has a nail in it!
Ahhh.. Priceless.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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April 13, 2010 12:25 PM
Looks like it's steak for dinner tonight.
*lets his food pedantry ignore the placement of those cuts.
Posted by: Qwerty
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April 13, 2010 12:26 PM
Hey, PZ, did you email a copy of this to Bill Donohue? He needs distribe material for his next fund-raising letter.
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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April 13, 2010 12:26 PM
At least they skipped the organ meats. That could get gross fast.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p
Posted by: Qwerty
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April 13, 2010 12:30 PM
My post should read "diatribe material."
I went to the Rev. BDC's school of typos.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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April 13, 2010 12:31 PM
If by gross you mean delicious!
Posted by: MScott
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April 13, 2010 12:32 PM
If Jesus is the lamb of god, shouldn't there be lamb fries?
Posted by: Qwerty
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April 13, 2010 12:35 PM
And no bacon!
Posted by: Capital Dan
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April 13, 2010 12:36 PM
Looks like mostly stew meat.
Posted by: daveau
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April 13, 2010 12:37 PM
I'm still confused. Which part is the cracker made out of, again?
Posted by: ddpej
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April 13, 2010 12:37 PM
Whoever designed that gets points for the idea but loses almost as many for creativity -- those cuts aren't even close to accurate.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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April 13, 2010 12:41 PM
I suspended my anatomical and butchering knowledge for the joke.
Posted by: cactusren
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April 13, 2010 12:42 PM
What, no cracker-bacon?
Posted by: Qwerty
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April 13, 2010 12:43 PM
One wonders. Would it be sacrilegious to go into a Catholic church, receive communion and blurt out, "Yummy, tastes like white meat of chicken!"
Posted by: Rey Fox, Bird Caller Guy
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April 13, 2010 12:43 PM
I'm a little surprised at the "going to hell for this" in the title of the post. Too close to granting the religious their assumptions of reality. It's a talisman of the still-religious or waffly to hopefully ward off the actual wrath of a god while they try to make humor. I don't bother with that anymore.
Posted by: jasondcrane
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April 13, 2010 12:44 PM
I posted this link the other day, but it's even more perfect for this graphic. Read or listen to my poem, "Transubstantiation Is A Crock(pot)"
Enjoy! Yum!
Jason
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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April 13, 2010 12:44 PM
What?! No Golgotha Oysters, my favorite part?
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/DhjBEuJ8pt63x6eBKuPx0Jv9_QE-#7c327
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April 13, 2010 12:45 PM
Shouldn't there have been a vat of blood, with an Ernest and Julio Gallo wine label on it? This needs to be complete. Also, is he kosher? Jews need to know.
Posted by: chigau (◦_◦)
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April 13, 2010 12:47 PM
No one knows the real&trade nature of Jeezy's body.
Maybe his tibia really&trade was connected to his scapula.
(dem bones dem bones dem dry bones)
Posted by: Standard Curve
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April 13, 2010 12:47 PM
But yet it still tastes like styrofoam.
Posted by: The Petey
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April 13, 2010 12:47 PM
mmmmmmm
Brisket of Nazareth
nom nom nom
Posted by: The Petey
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April 13, 2010 12:49 PM
But Wait... Jeseus was Jewish,
You can't eat below the rib-cage.
It's not Kosher.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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April 13, 2010 12:56 PM
um
wow
Rolled in cornmeal and fried to a crisp.
Posted by: RickR
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April 13, 2010 1:05 PM
Oh! This reminds me- I need to pick up a pound of sliced, lean roast beef at the market.
Posted by: Insightful Ape
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April 13, 2010 1:07 PM
Oh, come on, now.
Some of us are vegetarians.
Posted by: Benjamin "pardon my French" Geiger
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April 13, 2010 1:10 PM
The joke's been made...
Posted by: JD
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April 13, 2010 1:13 PM
Call PETA!
Posted by: Aratina Cage
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April 13, 2010 1:29 PM
Come on, Rev. We can't let any parts go to waste.
...and wrapped in bacon. Now that's the spirit!
Posted by: creating trons
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April 13, 2010 1:32 PM
what are the numbers next to each cut for?
mmm...jebus, wrapped in bacon, on the grill, medium rare of course!
Posted by: IslandBrewer
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April 13, 2010 1:42 PM
Am I the only one here upset that they got most of the cuts completely wrong? The ribs and shank are all mixed up! As are the flank and rump.
As a tough muscley carpenter, Jesus should be corned or marinated for at least a good couple hours for most cuts. Or you can cross-cut some Jesus tri-tip and fry it for Jesus Fajitas.
Remember to limit your servings of Jesus to only a couple times a week, particularly if you're watching your cholesterol.
Posted by: CJO
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April 13, 2010 1:47 PM
Is it free range, kosher-fed jesus, or that nasty stuff, full of hormones and antibiotics from a giant feedlot?
Posted by: drf5n1
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April 13, 2010 1:55 PM
They're hanging him upside down.
From the Meat Standards of Australia: beef chart
Posted by: Paul Burnett
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April 13, 2010 1:57 PM
Braise the Lord! 450 degrees F for ten minutes - salt and butter to taste.
Posted by: The Atheist Jew
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April 13, 2010 2:15 PM
I'd like to see a Mohammed meat chart.
Posted by: Swampfoot
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April 13, 2010 2:22 PM
Posting this on Facebook is a sure way to shed friends in a hurry, if you have any that can't take a joke - I can tell you this from recent experience!
Posted by: alistair.coleman
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April 13, 2010 2:32 PM
Mmm... Holy Shepherd's Pie
Posted by: spaghettificatedgod
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April 13, 2010 2:41 PM
@ #36
"Braise the Lord!"
Now that's funny! I laughed out loud*.
*compliment requires more than the trendy acronym.
Posted by: blf
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April 13, 2010 2:49 PM
Yes, all that tasty meat if you leave it for too long.
Posted by: IslandBrewer
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April 13, 2010 2:58 PM
@Swampfoot #38
The more friends I have on Facebook, the more I have to self-censor. (Yes, assuming I actually want to keep my friends.) Shedding a few might not be an entirely bad idea.
Posted by: tms
|
April 13, 2010 3:09 PM
What's that the processors say?
"Everything's used but the squeal."
Posted by: IslandBrewer
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April 13, 2010 3:18 PM
Wait, can we eat Jesus if he doesn't chew his cud? Isn't he technically unclean according to Leviticus?
Oh, wait! I was thinking there was some consistency in religion! Silly me. Gimme a double bacon Jeeez(us)burger!
Posted by: keenacat
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April 13, 2010 3:19 PM
I'm not used to eating Zombie. Still, I guess a nice stew might be in order, simmer long and slowly for maximum tenderness and to prevent resurrection.
Some nice bread for dipping (avoid stale cracker though).
Posted by: Jeez-Its
|
April 13, 2010 3:21 PM
Cannibalising Jesus has never looked so tasty!
Posted by: Epikt
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April 13, 2010 3:28 PM
IslandBrewer:
They also left off the meat thermometer insertion point in his side.
Posted by: WashingMachine0
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April 13, 2010 3:30 PM
Reminds me of that picture I saw a while back that had Jesus crucified and said "If you're Jesus and you know it, clap your hands!"
Posted by: chuckgoecke
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April 13, 2010 3:34 PM
For those of you who are really planning to carve up jebeus when he comes back, don't use this diagram, its got the anatomy all wrong. I seem to remember seeing one by PETA of a young lady, with pretty much the right cuts properly identified. She looked a bit more tender and juicy, if I recall correctly.
Posted by: Flea
|
April 13, 2010 3:39 PM
I have a vision of Colorectal cancer here.
Posted by: mechanoid
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April 13, 2010 3:43 PM
I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.
Posted by: jcmartz.myopenid.com
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April 13, 2010 4:07 PM
Holy cow. I can almost picture Bill Donohue fuming and screaming, and ranting.
Posted by: epicureanparadox
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April 13, 2010 4:21 PM
Are these choice cuts available in a Carolina BBQ sauce/style? *smacks lips*
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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April 13, 2010 4:23 PM
Since humans neither chew the cud nor cleave the hoof, no part of them is kosher.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/hMTnrH8JkegRx6gXqRPC43XjYan1vnC7vw--#c00c5
|
April 13, 2010 4:36 PM
But where's Jesus' T-bone?
Surely the son of god is not all stew meat?
I'm not ordering a side if there's no Savior Steaks.
Longstreet63
(who needs to stop logging in with a Yahoo account)
Posted by: blf
|
April 13, 2010 4:39 PM
I just had a nice pork risotto for dinner. Wasn't made with Mythical Long Pig.
Posted by: hznfrst
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April 13, 2010 4:40 PM
Hannibal Lecter could give "I love Jesus" a whole new meaning - with a nice Chianti.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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April 13, 2010 4:40 PM
then that processor doesn't know what he's doing
From the rooter to the tooter
Posted by: hznfrst
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April 13, 2010 4:42 PM
Hannibal Lecter could give "I love Jesus" a whole new meaning - with a nice Chianti.
Posted by: JackC
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April 13, 2010 4:48 PM
As was pointed out - several times - earlier, they are hanging Jeebus upside down. No excuse, I know.
JC
Posted by: peter.waine
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April 13, 2010 5:29 PM
I'd love a Pop Tart
Posted by: Cath the Canberra Cook
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April 13, 2010 6:37 PM
Yes, they are surely going to burn in hell. Their knowledge of butchery is total crap. Just about everything is pointing to the wrong spot on the carcass.
Yeah, I know it's been said already but I take my cooking seriously damnit! I had lamb shanks with rosemary, red wine & bacon slow cooking overnight. Try that with saviour shanks!
Posted by: Brain Hertz
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April 13, 2010 7:15 PM
It's an outrage!
The rump, short loin and brisket are all in totally the wrong places. Sheesh.
Posted by: melior
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April 13, 2010 7:55 PM
Paul Burnett @36:
Win!
Posted by: Chgo_Liz
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April 13, 2010 8:13 PM
Insightful Ape @ #28:
Since the guy supposedly doesn't die, I think it's OK for us vegetarians to eat him. Kind of like eating cheese or eggs.
But, because he's working his job there on the cross, a vegan would consider eating his manhandles (oh, yes, I had to go there) similar to eating honey: in other words, treif.
Posted by: JohnnieCanuck
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April 13, 2010 8:17 PM
A few more like that, Paul @36 and you'll be Order of the Molly material.
Braise Him, Braise Him, Braise the Lamb of Cod. Wait...
Should that be with a white or a red wine?
Posted by: Robbie
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April 13, 2010 8:56 PM
Bet you, it tastes like tripe.
Posted by: Screechy_Monkey
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April 13, 2010 9:18 PM
"I can almost picture Bill Donohue fuming and screaming, and ranting."
Donohue is like Old Faithful -- he erupts and spouts a lot of hot air every 90 minutes or so.
If you could run a turbine off outrage, Donohue would single-handedly end the world's energy problems.
Posted by: Peter H
|
April 13, 2010 9:50 PM
Has no one noticed that the depiction of crucifixion is quite in error? And every crucifix I've ever seen. Roman era churchmen and artists were not expected to be so much up on their anatomy - even though the centurions were, but these present-day threads have many folk who are more aware of the physical aspects of human (is that perhaps my error?) physiology in staging a successful crucifixion?
Posted by: ironflange
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April 13, 2010 9:59 PM
Nothing sacrilegious here. Jesus himself said "Take and eat, this is my body." I'll go fire up the grill now.
Posted by: SphinctOr
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April 13, 2010 10:01 PM
One word: TRIPE
For those of you NOT ROTFLYAO...look it up.
OK, OK.
Fried Chitterlings and Hog Maws.
You wouldn't want to waste the intestines or stomach!
Posted by: neurosink
|
April 13, 2010 10:41 PM
@chgo_liz #65
Oh, come on, now. Some of us are vegetarians.
Since the guy supposedly doesn't die, I think it's OK for us vegetarians to eat him. Kind of like eating cheese or eggs.
But, because he's working his job there on the cross, a vegan would consider eating his manhandles (oh, yes, I had to go there) similar to eating honey: in other words, treif.
Yup, I've known vegans who have stated (if they were interested) that human flesh would be acceptable if the individual consciously made the decision to donate it. I think they were joking.
But still, the guy is supposed to be a half-god. Maybe eating him will give us limited god powers (not sure if you can get limited god powers, since they're...you know...god powers). I'd possibly give up my veganism temporarily for that chance!
Posted by: deriamis
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April 13, 2010 11:40 PM
I prefer my Jesus ground up and on bun with mushrooms and swiss. *chomp* Mmmmf gwth!
Posted by: neurosink
|
April 14, 2010 12:32 AM
Quoting failure :(
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmVT1LBhwmO9ej9LNg7a5e9d-AVJ8ezfmE
|
April 14, 2010 1:05 AM
Soylent Green is god!
Posted by: Timaahy
|
April 14, 2010 1:10 AM
Shanks be to God.
Posted by: Levi in NY
|
April 14, 2010 1:15 AM
Christianity and meat. Two things I'm very glad I live without.
Posted by: Menyambal: Making sambal (it isn't dragon magic).
|
April 14, 2010 1:18 AM
"The only way that I am ever going to understand Christianity is to kill Jesus and eat his brain."
Posted by: Pitini
|
April 14, 2010 5:19 AM
What about his but cheeks? Hot cross buns anyone?
Posted by: Twin-Skies
|
April 14, 2010 9:37 AM
Perhaps now is a good time to introduce one particular bit of Philippine Cuisine:
Soup Number 5, anyone? ;)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soup_Number_Five
Posted by: the.annabelle.morris.effect
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April 14, 2010 2:07 PM
Is it bad that my first thought was that you can't possibly get that much meat from one skinny guy?
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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April 14, 2010 2:27 PM
Why would I be laughing at tripe?
Been there for the chitlins, not so much on the Hog Maws.
Posted by: tiggerthewing#8a4e4
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April 14, 2010 8:13 PM
Even some religious people might find this funny. They post similar stuff.
Last week, on the bus, Number Four Son pointed out a billboard outside a church. Above a sketch image of a crucified Jesus (top half only, fully clothed) were the words:
"I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH".