…and this is a 
I've been receiving a lot of mail lately urging me to pharyngulate the America Speaking Out site, but when I saw what it was about, I held off…I could tell what kind of self-screwing it was going to be. Here's the premise: the Republicans saw, in their remote and confused sort of way, that the internet (aka "series of tubes") had some real potential, and looked really smart, and maybe if they took advantage of it, they could look a little less yokely and rubish. Seriously. You can't make this stuff up.
Lest you think Republicans are just discovering the Internet, Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (Wash.) let it be known that "House Republicans have tweeted five times as many as the House Democrats. Leader Boehner has almost five times as many Facebook fans as Speaker Pelosi." Boehner grinned and gave a double thumbs-up.
Rep. Mike Pence (Ind.) contributed to the discussion by twice giving out the wrong address for the new site.
So what did they do that was making them so pathetically proud? They created an open web site to formulate an agenda for the future of the Republican party, where anyone could make any proposal, and everyone could vote on it. No filters, except against profanity. The doors are open, y'all are invited to come on in and tell the Republicans what to do.
The results are predictable: complete chaos. Teabaggers are raving, liberal saboteurs are inserting all kinds of crazy suggestions, and you can't tell them apart. You tell me; which of the following suggestions are serious, and which are taking the piss?
A 'teacher' told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish! And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.
Require all Muslims in the U.S. to wear ankle bracelet transponders so we know where the terrorists are at all times.
We should administer capital punishment to anyone who has an abortion. In order to cut costs that the death penalty normally entails, we will have lax gun laws that will allow people to obtain guns with greater ease. Then we would allow the "free-market" to dictate whose philosophy wins out - the liberals irrational philosophy or our logical and God following philosophy. Liberals who have abortions would be taken care of by a militia of the willing who will get rid of all liberals who take the life others irrationally and will allow us to remove all of our opponents to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
all leaders should proclaim faith in Jesus Christ. anyone who does not, like muslims and atheists should be removed from office.
It's like Poe's Law written out all across the country, on every subject. It's insane.
They've also discovered another little problem: Americans are rushing to take part in the hilarity, and this error message is coming up all the time.
A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now.
Please wait a moment and try again.
I bet they are. Every basement-dwelling troglodyte with an opinion, and every laughing liberal looking for a giggle, is hitting that site right now. And once again, the Republicans are looking like incompetent idiots.
Politics
Comments
Posted by: SC OM
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May 26, 2010 2:00 PM
The first one is a thing of beauty.
Posted by: chrstphrgthr
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May 26, 2010 2:01 PM
This might be the funniest thing in the whole world, ever.
Posted by: Larry
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May 26, 2010 2:01 PM
FTW!
Posted by: Humanistic Jones
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May 26, 2010 2:02 PM
Current favorite...
Job Creation:
I support the Astley Initiative.
Posted by: Caine, ghetto féministe
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May 26, 2010 2:04 PM
Hahahahaha, oh Republican efficiency in action, what a mess!
Posted by: formosus
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May 26, 2010 2:05 PM
How great would it be if they were leeching images for this site as well?
Posted by: MikeyM
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May 26, 2010 2:06 PM
How do you get to the comments section?
Posted by: dsmwiener
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May 26, 2010 2:06 PM
I liked it better when (less) stupid people were voting. Jerry Falwell screwed us over but good.
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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May 26, 2010 2:08 PM
Well, they do have plenty of free time to burn, what with just showing up to vote "no" on everything.
Posted by: Tualha
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May 26, 2010 2:08 PM
I have a suggestion for the GOP. I suggest that they quickly move away from the wingnuts exemplified by Sarah Appallin', and pay more attention to such lonely rational voices as still exist in their party, such as John E. Jones III. Sad to say, I can't think of another example.
Posted by: cag
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May 26, 2010 2:11 PM
I'm sure that Michael Phelps appreciates being deemed a fish. Always thought there was something fishy about all those people with back yard pools.
Posted by: daveau
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May 26, 2010 2:12 PM
Oh, the lulz! In-friggin-credible. I guess I'm done working today.
Posted by: c.a.mullarkey
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May 26, 2010 2:13 PM
It is like FSTDT all in one website.. thats hilarious..
..if it wasn't for one of the only two main political parties in the United States
Posted by: Mattir-ritated
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May 26, 2010 2:17 PM
Thanks for posting another massive time-suck. Like the forces of good really needed another one...
Posted by: jokermatt999
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May 26, 2010 2:18 PM
It's a damn shame so many trolls/nutjobs are submitting ideas. This could have been a great opportunity for legitimate discourse, but it has no chance now. With some better moderation, it's possible that some good ideas could have come out of this. I don't really see any reason to be so happy this failed.
Posted by: Newman
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May 26, 2010 2:18 PM
My favorite so far:
Posted by: tsg
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May 26, 2010 2:18 PM
... please listen later when not quite so many of them are jabbering at once.
Posted by: llewelly
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May 26, 2010 2:20 PM
I give the dolphin one 10 to 1 odds of being the work of a saboteur. 5 to 1 odds the suggestion to require Muslims to wear transponders is genuine. The "capital punishment to anyone who has an abortion" starts out sounding genuine, but the saboteur gives clear signals toward the end. 20 to 1 it's the work of a saboteur. 5 to 1 odds the suggestion to require all leaders to proclaim faith in Christ is genuine. (Yes, even though the author spelled "atheist" correctly.)
Well, that's my off-the-cuff assessment. But in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit there was one time I egregiously misidentified one of Brownian's better parodies ...
Posted by: tfoss1983
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May 26, 2010 2:21 PM
It reminds me of when Conservapaedia first went up and the same thing happened: fundie wingnuts posted their actual views, liberals filled the articles with satirical misinformation, and people on both sides tried to correct the articles, but there was no distinguishing between the jokes and the real info. Glad to see the conservatives have learned nothing.
Posted by: Walton, Marquis of Carabas
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May 26, 2010 2:21 PM
My betting would be:
#1: Obvious parody.
#2: Impossible to tell. Could be real, scary as it is. Even here in the UK, there are far-right types who think that way about Muslims.
#3: Almost certainly a parody. It seems too complex and carefully planned for someone quite so bugfuck-nuts to actually manage. And in reality, most pro-life fanatics dodge around the question of "what should be done to women who have abortions?", since it shows up the ugly, coercive side of their ideas about "protecting life". So I think this one's a saboteur.
#4: Quite possibly real. IIRC, Pat Robertson said similar things when he was running for president, so there are plenty of fundamentalists who think that way.
Posted by: Sal Bro
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May 26, 2010 2:24 PM
#16
You beat me to it!
Posted by: alysonmiers
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May 26, 2010 2:26 PM
I expect the third one's a Poe. The scare quotes on "free-market" gives it away.
The second and fourth ones are probably sincere.
The first one is trickier, but I suspect a Poe. Someone who so sincerely disdains education probably wouldn't use such good spelling.
Posted by: Scorpy1
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May 26, 2010 2:30 PM
I listened to the press conference for this yesterday.
One hysterical point in response by challenges from the press:
When it was called out that one of the suggestions was to incarcerate all muslims, it was asked if there would be any monitoring to weed out bad suggestions.
Their response was that bad ideas would eventually be filtered out.
Oddly enough, it takes us to help them figure out what the bad ideas are.
Oh yeah, and no commitment to hold to any ideas that they ferment on that site, basically admitting that it's is a political tool to keep tools political into November.
Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau
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May 26, 2010 2:31 PM
I truly did LOL.
Republicans: these are your people!
Awesome.
Posted by: Poor Wandering One
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May 26, 2010 2:32 PM
I really hope someone is recording this site somehow. Comedians will never need to write another joke again.
This is at least as interesting as the Twitter archives. How can we get the Smithsonian or the LOC interested in archiving this?
Posted by: Knockgoats
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May 26, 2010 2:32 PM
I agree with what seems to be the consensus: first and third are parodies, second and fourth are the real stupid. Any way we can find out whether we're right?
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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May 26, 2010 2:32 PM
Walton,
1) Good job on your spoof article.
2) Get back to work. Become a lawyer. Then write.
Posted by: Sal Bro
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May 26, 2010 2:33 PM
"...No doubt a diminutive man of stature , Bush looked like a giant to me as he stood in the smoldering graves of the fallen at ground zero..."
Bush: A diminutive man of stature.
Posted by: nigelTheBold, Minister of Spankings
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May 26, 2010 2:36 PM
Walton:
QUIT FUCKING OFF AND GET BACK TO STUDYING!
Posted by: tsg
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May 26, 2010 2:37 PM
"We can't make fun of your height. You don't have any. Go get some and we'll make fun of it."
Posted by: Nineveh
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May 26, 2010 2:39 PM
Oh PZ, this is just tops. Tops!
They're either so out of touch that they really have no idea what their talking points/fox news campaign over the last 15 years has actually done to "crazify" Americans, or...no, wait, that's probably it.
Posted by: als
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May 26, 2010 2:40 PM
This website is blocked by my works web filter as belonging to category of: Spam.
Smart web filter.
Posted by: charley
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May 26, 2010 2:41 PM
Really? Between Republicans? Have you ever seen such a thing?
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmqD_mcUIrSfOTlK3iGVsnEDcZmI43srbI
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May 26, 2010 2:42 PM
"All persons are created equal" does not mean "each and every individual has an equally valid opinion about anything."
There's a reason we don't have a direct democracy. If we grant as a truism that "the world is average", then we have to also grant that HALF the world is below average.
Sadly, idiots have been empowered by the modern relativists (every idea is valid) to such an extent that their half-witted proto-thoughts rule the political discourse these days. Why? Because more of THEM vote than those on the other side of the bell-shaped curve.
We have met the enemy and they is us.
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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May 26, 2010 2:43 PM
Two points.
(1) There are plenty of good ideas available to anyone who cares to spend a little time looking.
(2) You're assuming that the Republican Party is interested in good ideas rather perpetuating their faux populism with a cheap stunt.
Posted by: ThirdMonkey
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May 26, 2010 2:45 PM
The Intertubes, you're doing it wrong.
Posted by: Knockgoats
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May 26, 2010 2:50 PM
First "idea" I saw there:
Get the Mexican government to implant chips in all Mexicans in exchange for staying in NAFTA. That way, it will be much easier to round up illegals. You could make it so that an alarm sounds whenever an illegal enters a store.
Parody or not?
Posted by: StevenB
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May 26, 2010 2:52 PM
If you look at the footer on the page, you'll see that the web site was designed for the House Republicans, not the RNC.
This boondoggle was paid for by our taxes. Funding is out of the HouseMembers budgets.
Go Small government!!
Posted by: GODis10-7
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May 26, 2010 2:53 PM
It's obviously fake, but I know someone that thinks *exactly* like this so I laughed for a couple minutes on this one. Going be wasting a lot of time on this site for a few daysPosted by: Alverant
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May 26, 2010 2:54 PM
jokermatt999 how do you know they're trolls? Every idea presented I heard from one Republican or another at some point in my life and they were completely serious.
Posted by: Celtic_Evolution
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May 26, 2010 2:54 PM
Ooohhhhh... this is just so wonderful.
I have literally never been happier in my entire life. I may not stop grinning for 3 days.
Right now The Onion is kicking themselves for not having thought of this already.
Posted by: plattypus1
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May 26, 2010 2:55 PM
I'd like to mention (like whispering into a hurricane, I know) that the whole Republicans-are-better-on-Twitter thing is true. I'm writing a paper on social media and Congress, and the Republicans in the House freaking OWN Twitter. Facebook is more of a mixed bag, and Democrats' web sites are universally better... but damned if they don't tweet.
Posted by: tsg
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May 26, 2010 2:55 PM
Whether the particular person that wrote it believes it is largely irrelevant: I guarantee you there is a significant number of people who think it's a good idea. Case in point: Arizona.
Posted by: Screechy_Monkey
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May 26, 2010 2:58 PM
Well, it's pretty easy to fit "NO!" into 140 characters.
Posted by: Celtic_Evolution
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May 26, 2010 2:59 PM
Well, this should not surprise anyone, really. Every good republican knows that a 4 word sound byte is by far the most efficient way to disseminate information.
Anything more complex would only serve to confuse the vast majority of their base.
Posted by: troydp
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May 26, 2010 3:01 PM
End women's suffrage! It's been decades too long, and it's time for justice!,/i>
Percentage of republicans who get this one? 10%?
Posted by: Acronym Jim
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May 26, 2010 3:04 PM
This one is my favorite:
I may actually vote Republican if they add this to their platform.
Posted by: tsg
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May 26, 2010 3:05 PM
Not when they insist on using 139 exclamation points....
Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau
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May 26, 2010 3:09 PM
As a carryover from the facebook thread as well, I strangely do not like twitter.
The little stream of alienated updates is one of my least favorite facebook features. I prefer having conversations.
Twitter is so damned boring to me.
So it's hard for me to care if the Republicans do generate more tweets. To me that's like generating more need for toilet paper.
Posted by: Walton, Marquis of Carabas
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May 26, 2010 3:14 PM
:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
(Sorry, I just had to post to express my mirth at this comment. I'll get back to work now.)
Posted by: rn.massey
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May 26, 2010 3:15 PM
Call me country bumpkin, but "More tweets, more Facebook fans, etc." doesn't equal "better" or "more connected" to me by a long shot.
There's fan groups on every stupid thing and issue and opinion, so why does this really matter?
Posted by: CSB
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May 26, 2010 3:15 PM
The people online looked from teabagger to troll, and from troll to teabagger, and from teabagger to troll again, but already it was impossible to tell which was which.
Posted by: troydp
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May 26, 2010 3:16 PM
I agree. Let's start with Texas.
Posted by: alysonmiers
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May 26, 2010 3:17 PM
Give a pair of truck nutz to all americans! Because there's nothing more manly and american than a pair of balls hanging from your pickup truck. Take THAT Al Qaeda!
And another:
They need to do way instain mother> who k*ll thier babbys. becuse these babby cant frigth back? it was on the news this mroing a mother in ar who had k*ll her three kids. they are taking the three babby back to new york too lady to rest my pary are with the father who lost his children ; i am truley sorry for your lots
I'm not even entirely sure what that was trying to say!
Open up the Indian Reservations to homesteading. Issue every homesteader a horse, cowboy hat, and Winchester. Would also be the best reality show ever!
Keep it coming, you crazy diamonds!
We need to remember that this country was founded as a Christian Nation. Sure the pilgrims were so conservative that the british kicked them out of their country. And sure most of our founding fathers were not Christian per-se. And sure they wrote in Religious freedom into the constitution meaning you could practice whatever you believed. But let's be honest, all of that is clearly irrelevant because God is ONLY Christian. If you don't believe in God, you aren't Christian, and if you aren't Christian you shouldn't be a leader. It's in the Bible, and that's all that matters in this Country.
Woo-hoo!
Deport Justin Bieber. He's teaching young women to date before marriage, and I'm squeamish about that.
Hahahahahaha!
We should cut taxes to zero ($0). And everything should be pay as you go. Everything has a cost. You want to drive to the grocery store: toll road. You want to vote: pay at the polling booth. You want national defense: sponsor a soldier. Politicians: all work for free as volunteers because it is their patriotic duty, which they gladly fulfill (but with strict ethics laws so no one gets paid on the side). When people don't get the services they need, they'll pony up for their own good. It's free market economics 101.
I think that one's sincere.
MUST STOP ANCHOR BABIES from ALL COUNTRIES at the same time we close borders. They are all sleeper cells, like Alwaki and Ft. Hood creep....ANCHOR BABIES!
But tell us how you really feel!
We need to train an army of Ninja Cats. Cats are natural born hunters and predators, and it is known that they indeed have 9 lives, many more than the typical human life (being one). They are also excellent at hiding themselves and would be ideal for sneaking into countries and assassinating communist leaders to lessen the ever growing threat of communism, finding key terrorist leaders and shattering the global terrorist network. In fact they could be potentially useful in the current Korean crisis. Loyal to their trainers, the cats could rain destruction and fear throughout the world, and if ever captured would never tell who they are serving. Finally, after they have solved the worlds problems, they could serve as border patrol and show unflinching resolve at keeping illegals where they belong, anywhere but here.
I really wish this one were sincere! It would be so awesome if we actually had people who think like this!
Posted by: Guy Incognito
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May 26, 2010 3:17 PM
I know this guy in Nigeria he says he's going to inherit a lot of money, but he needs our help to get it. All we have to do is wire him some cash and in return he'll give us part of the money that he will be inheriting. This would be a good way to balance the national budget deficit
BWAHAHAHAAHAHA!
Posted by: Malkyrian
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May 26, 2010 3:21 PM
Zuko is Republican now?
Posted by: slickcat79
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May 26, 2010 3:23 PM
This one might have gotten by as legit if they stopped at the first sentence. Adding that second bit just pushed it too far, but sadly accurate anyway.
Also loved the one about ninja cats.
Posted by: Celtic_Evolution
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May 26, 2010 3:24 PM
Honestly... any competent group would have shut this thing down hours and hours ago... at least.
Shit... even an incompetent group would have likely shut it down by now.
Posted by: Zeno
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May 26, 2010 3:29 PM
"America Speaking Out" is paid for by tax dollars because the GOP is low on funds (thanks, Michael Steele!). That's right, you and I are paying for a thinly disguised campaign website.
Yeah, dishonest Republicans (excuse the redundancy) have simply billed the taxpayers for "America Speaking Out" as if it's a legitimate congressional expense. Too bad that it's blowing up in their faces. Ha!
Posted by: CSB
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May 26, 2010 3:30 PM
Believes in the ultimate unitary exective, officer in an extremely imperialistic military, wants to destroy a religious leader that opposes his nation?
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Posted by: Left Handed Atheist
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May 26, 2010 3:32 PM
Ninja kittehs are teh awsoem. Srsly.
Posted by: zada
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May 26, 2010 3:33 PM
Republicans will NEVER be better than anyone else as long as they keep insisting they ARE! Much like the religion they preach, but don't practice, HUMILITY is a foreign word!
Posted by: Moggie
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May 26, 2010 3:34 PM
A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now. Please wait a moment and try again.
This is undoubtedly the greatest ever error message in the history of fail.
#54:
You... you don't recognise that? See here for a dramatic reading:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_RaPOOVX1Y
Posted by: troydp
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May 26, 2010 3:34 PM
Isn't that what Republican Senators do for themselves?
Posted by: alysonmiers
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May 26, 2010 3:35 PM
From "Open Mic":
I THINK ALL LIBERALS SHOULD HAVE TO GO TO A CAMP WHERE THEY ALL LEARN HOW TO BE AMERICANS INSTEAD OF COMMIES!!!
WARRBLGARBL
STOP STEALING OUR WATER! I was watering my plant the other day and I noticed all the water disappeared! WHAT has the state of LIBERAL politics gotten to when your water is vanishing from everywhere!! Sometimes I go to the bathroom and there's no toilet paper either, they should FIX that!
Yeah.
we got forced health care shoved down our throat what is next car insurance, then mandatory renters insurance and dental insurance for everyone eye glass insurance, insurance on your toaster?and car repair insurance, and flood insurance for everyone, insurance against metros will be mandatory. Isn't insurance a lot like communism? Except the people who push paper at these insurance companies cost each of us forced to buy insurance. and drain the pool. Radical idea and think long about this.... outlaw insurance. what would that do to the price of health care? supply and demand again? you are spending your money so you will not allow it to be wasted. Costs will come down immediately as no one will flock to unnecessary testing. Insurance money you do not try to save costs at all so insurance in fatally flawed, it is a form of communism it should go maybe the government should just run it... but create huge deductibles so people would not waste.
(There's actually a little bit in there that I agree with.)
Posted by: Emefen
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May 26, 2010 3:39 PM
This is incredible. I wonder how long their database will last under the load, how long til they realize that they need to put up a much better filtering mechanism, and how long until they realize they need a real person to sift through all of that stuff... the responses posted there are just fantastic (and many are just a chore to deal with) - some of them are a hoot and a half. But I like this one, in the 'health care' section: America as a neutral state:
So this is the plan. The American health care system is in utter shambles, and is just being slowly worked on by the current administration. I say we help it along, with no loss of jobs, and no increased taxes. How do we do that? We get rid of our military. We become a neutral state. All the money spent on the military will be pushed into health care and education. All of it, except for a small bit for the coast guard, national guard (part-time) and search and rescue units. We sell off all superfluous military assets: planes, ships, etc. We get rid/decommission all the dangerous stuff, like nukes. We only maintain what is necessary to safeguard the citizens of the USA (and legal immigrants), and we do not involve the military in foreign policy. We can maintain a battalion or two for peacekeeping missions, like Canada, but that's it. All the other money - will go to healthcare and education. Generals will become supervisors. Officers and soldiers will be trained as doctors, teachers, librarians, nurses, even janitors and school carpenters. America will be great.
Posted by: Zernk
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May 26, 2010 3:39 PM
alysonmiers - google "how is". The first suggestion should be "how is babby formed". There you will find your answer about doing way instain mother. It's beautiful.
Posted by: Amphiox, OM
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May 26, 2010 3:45 PM
But he also realized he was wrong after receiving new information, and changed his behavior in response.
That automatically disqualifies him.
Posted by: Galactus35
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May 26, 2010 3:45 PM
I love it when internet trolls use their powers for good.
Posted by: GODis10-7
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May 26, 2010 3:46 PM
@alyson #54
That was from a forum years ago, somethingawful did (does? haven't been there in years) a cartoon about awful forum conversations, here's the part of that video that contains the quote: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_RaPOOVX1Y
That link will be safe, but if you look up the original full video will likely be NSFW
Posted by: tsg
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May 26, 2010 3:47 PM
If it were me (and I'm betting this is what they've done), I'd size the database based on how many of these things the average person will read plus a fudge factor, and dump the oldest ones when it's full. You don't really think the Republicans are doing this because they want to read them, do you?
Posted by: alysonmiers
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May 26, 2010 3:48 PM
Okay, I see the meme...so, is "instain mother" supposed to be translatable into English? Or does it impossible to comprehend unless you're fluent in Batshit?
Posted by: alysonmiers
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May 26, 2010 3:50 PM
is it impossible to comprehend, even.
Man, I am on a roll today.
Posted by: GODis10-7
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May 26, 2010 3:51 PM
Moggie was faster than me :(
Those videos really make you feel bad for the cretins trying to use the internetz.
Posted by: Marshall
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May 26, 2010 3:53 PM
This article gave me a bohner.
Posted by: Elf Eye
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May 26, 2010 4:00 PM
Technogeek # 52: Animal Farm
Signed: Literature Geek
Posted by: Rey Fox, Bird Caller Guy
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May 26, 2010 4:02 PM
"We need to ensure that the Republicans never give us up, let us down, run around, or desert us."
They already make us cry, I wish they'd say goodbye.
Posted by: copernico
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May 26, 2010 4:06 PM
@ #41
Yeah, but this one look exactly as it had been pulled from the site:
http://www.theonion.com/video/christian-groups-biblical-armageddon-must-be-taugh,17491/
Posted by: DominEditrix
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May 26, 2010 4:08 PM
Fixed that for you.
Many years ago, a friend of mine convinced a young lady that I owned Attack Cats™. She bought it, utterly - tho' she wouldn't buy that he was in a rock band, which he actually was. Credulity, yer doing it wrong.
Posted by: pnrjulius
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May 26, 2010 4:09 PM
It is indeed chaos and absurdity, and yet---there is a silver lining.
Witness DEMOCRACY, to a degree it has never before been attempted. It's a little scary at first... but we can manage.
After all, Wikipedia is already one of the best encyclopedias ever written.
Posted by: Crudely Wrott , Drinking Solo Since Death's Back On The Wagon
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May 26, 2010 4:10 PM
". . . yokely and rubish . . ."
Priceless. Take home. Firefox recognizes neither.
New words, useful, workmanlike, applicable.
Thanks, PZ.
(gets right thread and holds head high)
Posted by: daveau
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May 26, 2010 4:10 PM
Some person named POE offered the following:
Raise you hand Edgar Allen.
Posted by: evilinkblot
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May 26, 2010 4:17 PM
Wash Post story has lulz
Posted by: rippingrich
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May 26, 2010 4:18 PM
That site has crazy shit on it.
Americans make for great entertainment.
However, it does cause us Canadians a bit of trepidation with so many crazies near by.
Our liberal leader here likes to play American style politics. I will have to send them a link to the site and extol it's virtues. Maybe we can bring out a few crazies too.
I would like to believe that 90% of what I read on there is poe, But I just don't know.
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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May 26, 2010 4:21 PM
Did WP tell you that? They should know, I guess.Posted by: Maldoror
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May 26, 2010 4:22 PM
My favourite, so far.
Posted by: slickcat79
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May 26, 2010 4:23 PM
STOP STEALING OUR WATER! I was watering my plant the other day and I noticed all the water disappeared!
Definitely fake, as they stole it from Family Guy. No self-respecting teabagger would watch that.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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May 26, 2010 4:26 PM
Our tax dollars at work.
Posted by: coyotenose
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May 26, 2010 4:26 PM
"The people online looked from teabagger to troll, and from troll to teabagger, and from teabagger to troll again, but already it was impossible to tell which was which."
I loves me some genius Animal Farm referencing.
Posted by: cypress
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May 26, 2010 4:27 PM
What I got: Funny all on it's own!!!
This Page Cannot Be Displayed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Based on your corporate access policies, this web site ( http://www.americaspeakingout.com/ ) has been blocked because it has been determined to be a security threat to your computer or the corporate network. This web site has been associated with malware/spyware.
Posted by: Randomfactor
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May 26, 2010 4:32 PM
My suggestion was made quite in earnest. I said that no earmark inserted into any appropriations bill should be considered valid unless the legislator doing the inserting *ALSO* votes for the bill's passage.
Posted by: red
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May 26, 2010 4:40 PM
the reason Republicans like to tweet is because thats how they think:
complex idea or problem-> simple solution, sound bite.
a thought or opinion-> reduce to 140 characters
Posted by: red
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May 26, 2010 4:43 PM
I found one I liked in about 30 seconds...
"Stop relying on foreign oil. There are large coal reserves under Mt. Rushmore and all of the Rockies...mountaintop removal. Blow it up and take the coal. Then there will be plenty of coal AND plains to grow more subsidized corn and soy beans! PLUS there is a conspiracy to cover up that the richest source of oil is a large reserve beginning just north of Boston, west to Detroit, and south to Miami...Level all cities within this triangle and DRILL!"
hmm..yes...blow up Mt Rushmore and the Rockies, then level the Eastern Seaboard...
Posted by: jcmartz.myopenid.com
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May 26, 2010 4:44 PM
Finally, RepublicansTM get a taste of their own medicine.
Posted by: idiotiddidit#5116d
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May 26, 2010 4:47 PM
Funny troll:
Posted by: Acronym Jim
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May 26, 2010 4:48 PM
Celtic Evolution@45:
Forgive the assumption CE, but I'm fairly certain this is what you actually meant.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/hairychris444#96384
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May 26, 2010 4:52 PM
It seems that political parties can never get this technology thing right!
The UK Conservative's twitter campaign backfired spectacularly.
Posted by: texaskeptic
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May 26, 2010 4:54 PM
This is my new favorite website (sorry PZ). Its like Andy Kaufman rose from the dead and is doing for Republican Ideology what he did for Monday Night Wrestling. He knows people either believe it whole-heartedly and are cheering for their beliefs or they're LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF AT TEH CRAZY!
Posted by: Roestigraben
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May 26, 2010 4:59 PM
The funny thing is that apart from inserting parody, liberals seem to have captured at least part of the site to promote reasonable ideas. I just had a look at the highest-rated comments in the "American values" section:
"Government funds should not go towards religious organizations."
"Remove religious entities from tax-exempt status."
"Decriminalize/legalize marijuana and tax it like alcohol and cigarettes."
"Termination of pregnancy should be safe, legal, and rare. "
"the sanctity of life should support whatever of woman wishes to do with her body."
My guess is they'll simply delete those comments at some point, because the actual public daring to voice opinions so different from the hallowed views of Real America (TM) couldn't possibly be tolerated.
Posted by: Moggie
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May 26, 2010 5:00 PM
#80:
[citation needed]
Posted by: Chgo_Liz
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May 26, 2010 5:03 PM
When I registered, the confirmation email went straight to my spam folder. My computer software is officially smarter than the Republican party.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/SaqGVG0xvJEQVwURVamS3DTCdvov0BLhXK1jOsYPPJQ-#b4893
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May 26, 2010 5:04 PM
The funding for this clearly political website is becoming a controversy. As much as I'd like to point and laugh, I can't.
Read more here.
MikeM
Posted by: brunsele
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May 26, 2010 5:07 PM
This website is funded by taxpayer dollars-
"This doesn't cost much more than an average website," explained Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), the visionary behind the effort and the congressman tasked with getting Republicans elected this fall. "It's funny. Only in Washington do you get in trouble for trying to let the people have more voice than their government."
The site is now broken. I get this when I click on any category...
http://www.americaspeakingout.com/site-error?aspxerrorpath=/browse/questions/in/job-creation
So I guess this is more evidence that Republicans can't govern.
Posted by: Kevpod
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May 26, 2010 5:11 PM
The mixed-case font is really "edgy."
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/SaqGVG0xvJEQVwURVamS3DTCdvov0BLhXK1jOsYPPJQ-#b4893
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May 26, 2010 5:17 PM
Dammit, I think they just cleaned out their database. Phooey.
MikeM
Posted by: flyonthewall
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May 26, 2010 5:19 PM
A super black hole of stupid is forming on their server. Its going to destroy us all. I think this is best watched at a safe distance.
Posted by: JackC
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May 26, 2010 5:23 PM
It seems that a different bunch of Real America invaded their precious website.
Reset. Load. Run.
Back to the Front!
JC
Posted by: Roestigraben
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May 26, 2010 5:26 PM
Ah, the reasonable opinions have indeed been thrown out along with all the insane rants. I wish I could believe this restart was because of the latter.
Posted by: Dana J
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May 26, 2010 5:30 PM
They wiped it.
How am I supposed to be heard, now?
I just can't possibly think of any other way to reach Congress.
Posted by: brunsele
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May 26, 2010 5:31 PM
From: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20005933-503544.html
DCCC spokesman Ryan Rudominer said in statement that "only House Republicans would think that talking with the American people is an 'unprecedented new initiative.'"
---
They cleared out all of the comments. I guess they don't like what Americans have to say.
now down to 6 posts...including one "test" and a bunch of gibberish.
Posted by: AJ Milne OM
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May 26, 2010 5:32 PM
I am somewhat amused at the claim that Republicans, apparently, 'tweet' more than their rivals...
Sooooo... I'm to understand that a group who have collectively so debased public discourse that empty slogans 'n vapid chants like 'support our troops' actually pass for substantive content--that oddly such a group might find a 140 character limit no great obstacle to communicating?
Right. Colour me surprised.
Posted by: brunsele
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May 26, 2010 5:36 PM
BTW, you now have to register to vote.
New comments --
Increase the military by 50%, Get as many gurads to the boarder as governours want. Attract more smart people.
"On National Security: We ofcourse must address the boarders. Build the fence or barriers, install sensors and camera's, Put more national gurad troops on the boarder, basically whatever number, the governours of the respective states requests.However I do believe we need to attract educated people to this country, so we need to do better at that. We need to find the known gang leaders, human trafficers, drug "lords". & have we forgotten that terroists can cross this border? Get them off our streets. If they have links to terroism find out whay they know & if they are a threat lock them up. Allow the people who want to make ammends for thier illegal immigration, too pay a penalty, get int the back of the line ( this could mean years before actual citizenship is earned) allowing time to, learn english and our history, system of government & intergrate them into our society. Stop the practice of giving citizenship to newborns of illegal immigrants. Increase the size and power of our military by 50%. I would like to see more unmanned vehicles land,sea, air, to do the really dangerous jobs. Expansion of "blue force tracking" .Expansion of other cutting edge technologies.The stronger our military , the less likely a nation like North Korea, or Iran will want to threaten or provoke us. The short answer is The stronger our military, The less likely it is that we will actually have to use it. It is human nature to avoid a contest with someone whom you cannot defeat. "
Open Mic -- broken. http://www.americaspeakingout.com/browse/questions/in/speak-out
Posted by: Moggie
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May 26, 2010 5:37 PM
Claims that the site was "hacked by liberals" in 3... 2...
Posted by: Maldoror
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May 26, 2010 5:41 PM
New favourite:
Posted by: brunsele
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May 26, 2010 5:41 PM
From the terms of service....don't give out your credit card numbers!
PROTECT YOUR PRIVACY
Please be aware of ASO’s Privacy Policy. In addition, we recommend that you do not give out personally identifiable information (e.g., social security numbers, credit card numbers, names and addresses, telephone numbers, driver license numbers) to strangers online, as they may be used for illegal or harmful purposes.
Posted by: brunsele
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May 26, 2010 5:48 PM
Holy crap. This site is pure gold.
"Ice cream should only be vanilla. No more chocolate on the outside. Keep chocolate and vanilla ice cream separately. If the jews got one thing right is that you shouldn't eat shrimp and steak together."
"Lets be join canada and become another province. That way they can teach us how to manage our banks and budget."
"Why should my family members have to press a button for Spanish? They were born in Mexico and moved to America like everyone else. Spanish should be made the official language. No more pressing buttons for this or that. We can't have a button for every language."
"Bring back slavery. Must be non-ethnic, non-race based. Anyone who does not work and is not self-supporting, is declared county-property and can be rented to employers."
"Widen stance on the homogenda! The constant temptation to accidentally $uck a peter is obviously more than our really, really straight Republican senators and representatives can resist. To the boxcars!"
Posted by: chaseacross
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May 26, 2010 5:49 PM
Random sample:
"As Republicans, we must have a common mindset. We want to be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them (illegal immigrants) is our real test, to train them (less than minimum wage) is our cause. We must travel across the land (in huge SUVs), searching far and wide. Teach Americans, to understand, the power that's inside."
Break it down. Yes, someone wrote a poem. I'm 90% sure this is parody, but as many have commented, it's awful hard to tell.
Posted by: Walton, Marquis of Carabas
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May 26, 2010 5:51 PM
Did you really not recognise it as a parody version of the words to the old Pokémon theme tune?
Clearly not a child of the 90s.
Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip
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May 26, 2010 5:53 PM
@AJ Milne OM: This must be the same quantity-over-quality argument I see whenever Fox News fans bring up the network's ratings rather than address its accuracy and objectivity.
Posted by: Walton, Marquis of Carabas
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May 26, 2010 5:54 PM
@#117/8
I want to be the very best,
Like no one ever was,
To catch them is my real test,
To train them is my cause;
I will travel across the land
Searching far and wide,
Each Pokémon, to understand
The power that's inside
Damn, that's the first time I've heard that song since I was about... ten or eleven, maybe? It's a bit sad that I still remembered all the words even before I checked YouTube. :-)
Posted by: Buffybot
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May 26, 2010 5:56 PM
Waaaaaaah. I'm bursting with great ideas to boost America's productivity, but can't get them through because the website's overwhelmed.
Posted by: randydudek
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May 26, 2010 5:57 PM
Bravo!
Posted by: spaninquis
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May 26, 2010 6:10 PM
I tried to leave the follow suugestion:
All I get is a notation that it's "Inappropriate", and the site won't accept the suggestion. How would they know? Have they already looked up my voter registration when I registered? That smacks of censor ship. And if that's inappropriate, how'd that other shit get in there?
Posted by: Buffybot
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May 26, 2010 6:19 PM
The whole thing seems to be locked down. My suggestions that we should selectively create an army of Gay and Liberal slave labour by putting mind-control drugs in soy-milk, and counteract sea-level rises due to AGW by tasking NASA with transporting all the extra water to the moon and dumping it there, have been held up and don't register. Good grief, you'd think they didn't want to boost American prosperity.
Posted by: ursulamajor
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May 26, 2010 6:26 PM
Someone got past the profanity filter..Bwaahaha!
buıʞןɐʇ sı sʎɐɯ ʎןןıq uǝɥʍ ɥʇnoɯ ǝɹoɥʍ ɹnoʎ ʇnɥs
Posted by: Anomic Entropy
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May 26, 2010 6:30 PM
I had to share that one!
Posted by: eMel
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May 26, 2010 6:34 PM
Sadly, the humorous posts there would fit in as serious posts on this far-right forum:
http://bcast.eamped.com/
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/okJN9ABk1eh1hpOE.HCbIYsToV4Owg--#f7d03
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May 26, 2010 6:38 PM
Seriously, I've forwarded that website to some of my friends. SO many of the stuff up there is sarcastic, Onion-type stuff written by wise-asses like...well, me.
Just think of the nuttiest stuff you can and post it on there. It's so much fun. (I should get a life, though).
Posted by: Pew Pew Lasers!
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May 26, 2010 6:39 PM
I couldn't tell if some of these people were serious. I was cracking up to every single one I read.
Posted by: tomhuld
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May 26, 2010 6:47 PM
It's fun to laugh now, but I'm afraid that come November, the U.S. voters are going to make the German voters of 1932 look sane by comparison.
Posted by: CJS
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May 26, 2010 6:54 PM
I have definitely noticed in the past few months that it is getting more and more difficult to write satire, to a degree which is disturbing. A couple of comments I've made recently (elsewhere) -
1. (about the recent domestic terrorist shootings (Michigan, was it?))
This is obviously a set-up, it must have been some Bhutanese or French or some other ungodly mongrelised critter and they put some white paint on to try and pin it on the white folks. Noam Chomsky probably planned it himself - why is he still running free?
2. Have you heard the latest? The Kenyan imposter just said the Japs nuked Hiroshima themselves to try and blame it on the Jews.
Both were taken seriously.
Posted by: Qwerty
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May 26, 2010 6:59 PM
Someone got this past their censorship:
"this is the $tupidest $hit eating site I've ever seen. It just a bunch of Palin Baby Tards putting forth fu(king $tupid ideas!"
And I'd have to agree.
Posted by: Andromeda
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May 26, 2010 7:23 PM
I've got tears in my eyes laughing at that. Seriously, it's like they're living in another world altogether.
Posted by: onecockerlady
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May 26, 2010 7:49 PM
My personal current fave:
Reformat the government. It's getting pretty laggy and it's bloated with adware/spyware, so we should probably just put the DoI and BoR on a floppy and do a full format when it's convenient.
Posted by: Armand K.
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May 26, 2010 8:01 PM
I really have a hard time imagining what in hell that malfunctioning forum-like site has to do with Moon-mapping software.
My favourite suggestion, and one of the most sensible ones, I'd say:
Wish granted.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawlhJkLoaLREvGWBjKzFVMpetAw91i17YYw
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May 26, 2010 8:26 PM
..and then there's this:
Runtime Error
Description: An application error occurred on the server. The current custom error settings for this application prevent the details of the application error from being viewed remotely (for security reasons). It could, however, be viewed by browsers running on the local server machine...
Posted by: Ange
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May 26, 2010 8:33 PM
Henceforth, all elected officials will be forced to dawn [sic] powdered wigs and speak in Old English for the entirety of their terms in office. All official meetings must be conducted by candlelight and any bill not written on parchment with a quill pen will be disregarded as witchcraft. Let's get back to our roots, America!
Obviously fake (I think...) but kept me laughing for a while.
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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May 26, 2010 8:37 PM
Ha! First one I came across:
blockquote>Homeschoolin' yer kids ought to be a right not a requirement. If we require homeschoolin then kids will wind up smarter and able to gooder jobs, which will lead to more money in the economy and better workforce that CEO's won't fire when business gets a little slow. Once we force everybody to learn the things that we learned then we can proceed to develop our country to the point where we can overtake the rest of the world who put too much faith in their sciences and protocollider
What is a protocollider? Whatever it is, it sounds neat!
Posted by: Yoritomo
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May 26, 2010 8:37 PM
Did I miss something? The registration doesn't require you to actually be an American citizen? OK, they asked for a postal code, but my German Postleitzahl was accepted and led them to believee I live somewhere in Tennessee (ouch). If I actually wanted to register, the only lie I'd have to utter would be that I don't know my representative - I know who represents me in the Bundestag, it's just not one of those Tennessee guys they offered as choices...
Posted by: draconox87
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May 26, 2010 8:39 PM
"Impregnate woman by force to make up for the lost lives due to abortion. "
First one that popped up... oh man.
Posted by: kpschoedel.myopenid.com
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May 26, 2010 8:45 PM
Server: Microsoft-IIS/7.0
No wonder the site's falling apart.
(OK, OK, I'll get back to politics before I start a flame war.)
Posted by: Garrett
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May 26, 2010 8:49 PM
My first and probably my last contribution to the site:
Make sure soshalism does'nt destroy things like pubic skools and rodes, medicare, law enforcer peeple and teh army guys!! God bless Amerka!!1! I can haz thumbs up???
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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May 26, 2010 8:49 PM
In Job Creation:
Does anyone else get this reference or am I just that big of a nerd?
... Anyone?
... Anyone?
Posted by: Armand K.
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May 26, 2010 8:58 PM
@OurDeadSelves, #143
You are. Now, quickly -- get back to the Tardis!
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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May 26, 2010 9:02 PM
... It wasn't a Dr. Who joke, but whatevs.
Posted by: Moggy
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May 26, 2010 9:02 PM
I wanted to suggest they invade Canada (I'm in Canada and would find it amusing for them to try) but:
Runtime Error
Description: An application error occurred on the server. The current custom error settings for this application prevent the details of the application error from being viewed remotely (for security reasons). It could, however, be viewed by browsers running on the local server machine.
Details: To enable the details of this specific error message to be viewable on remote machines, please create a tag within a "web.config" configuration file located in the root directory of the current web application. This tag should then have its "mode" attribute set to "Off".
Notes: The current error page you are seeing can be replaced by a custom error page by modifying the "defaultRedirect" attribute of the application's configuration tag to point to a custom error page URL.
Posted by: otrame
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May 26, 2010 9:04 PM
I get the reference. And yes, you are that big of a nerd.
And as far as the TARDIS is concerned, I quote Captain Jack Harkness: "Love the retro look. Nice panels."
Posted by: Armand K.
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May 26, 2010 9:06 PM
@OurDeadSelves, #145
I was... hum, cross-referencing, let's say. Games aren't the only place with Reapers.
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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May 26, 2010 9:09 PM
True that. My Dr. Who knowledge is pretty deficient. :(
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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May 26, 2010 9:10 PM
Dead Like Me?Posted by: First Approximation, L'esprit de l'escalier
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May 26, 2010 9:10 PM
This one made me laugh:
Posted by: Armand K.
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May 26, 2010 9:11 PM
@OurDeadSelves, #145
Oh, your use of "nerd" made me assume you meant the game, not the books... Sorry if that wasn't the case.
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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May 26, 2010 9:15 PM
Oh no no no. I was talking about Mass Effect.
'Cos I am hella nerdy like that.
(The original comment was posted by Harbinger, which just upped the ridiculous factor.)
Posted by: otrame
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May 26, 2010 9:18 PM
QTF
Posted by: CompulsoryAccount7746
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May 26, 2010 9:27 PM
All trolls now.
* Bonus points for using such an ill-defined color.* Presumably with the who-to-smite passages bookmarked.
(like in that Texan jury last year)
** Actually I'd be surprised if there weren't already a few gun shops gone Gideon.
* Come to think of it, any form of public airing (malls, amusement parks, transportation, etc) would align with FOX's propagandist aims. More efficient than word of mouth gibbering. But I expect they'd shoot themselves in the foot by "defending their intellectual property" and suing.
Posted by: Armand K.
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May 26, 2010 9:35 PM
Oh... I'm very disappointed in the "cutting-edge technology" of the "Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon" that Rep. Peter Roskam, according to the WaPo article, "personally traveled to Washington state" to discover! Apparently the Moon-mapping forum software (!) used on the magnificent site has an identity crisis on top of overloading the server with crap.
Now that's what I call brilliant ideas implemented by extremely competent programmers on a truly robust platform!
@otrame:
Don't despair. For the moment, the only thing displayed is a server error, so you don't lose too much. I must admit, thought, it was fun reading the "suggestions".
@OurDeadSelves
Heh. I thought so.
They also put out a novel (or series of novels, whatever) based on the game. And a film, I think.
Posted by: kariedgerton
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May 26, 2010 9:40 PM
So... apparently the word "sexuality" is inappropriate. I erased it and the post went through...
Posted by: Legion
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May 26, 2010 9:42 PM
LOL. 100 percent trollified. We wonder how long it will be before the Repubs pull the site, out of sheer embarrassment.
OTOH, they may simple dump the dbase again, put up fake reasonable sounding (for brain-dead repubs) posts, then lock the whole thing down to prevent a third troll infection.
Posted by: Mattir-ritated
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May 26, 2010 9:43 PM
@ODS -
This person is wrong. Theist homeschoolers are indeed working towards gooder jobs, but Cthulhu blesses all atheist homeschoolers with protocolliders and we train with them regularly in order to be ready when the time comes. Pretty sure we won't be overtaken given all that training...
Posted by: Zabinatrix
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May 26, 2010 9:44 PM
OurDeadSelves - that's not the only nice video game reference I saw there. In the category of "Fiscal Accountability" there's "We require additional supply depots" with "vespene gas" as a tag.
kariedgerton
Well of course it is inappropriate. I mean, there might be some people visiting the site who would get quite shocked if they'd learn that such a thing as "sexuality" exists. We can't let people know about sex! What are you, some sort of commie?
Posted by: kariedgerton
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May 26, 2010 9:47 PM
My post on the site is a quote from Eddie Izzard. Long live Eddie!
"We all know one of the main elements of attack is the element of surprise, and so what could be more surprising than the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne wing!"
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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May 26, 2010 9:55 PM
Not yet. Legendary Pictures* has the rights, but it hasn't entered production yet.
lololololol. I missed that one!
Okay, I'm done nerding all over this thread. Really.
*Of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight fame.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawm95Jphc-wiJoeywF_BTalwOS2a2ji5Jz4
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May 26, 2010 10:04 PM
Can't decide what part I love the most. I think it's "for crepes sake".
Posted by: Lynne
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May 26, 2010 10:04 PM
The ultimate Republican response to anything by a Democrat:
Posted by: Dianne
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May 26, 2010 10:20 PM
Let's start with Texas.
Why pick on Texas? Arizona is making a much bigger ass out of itself at the moment. Start with Arizona then move on to Texas.
Posted by: mistereveready
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May 26, 2010 10:27 PM
sigh... just what i need, gun toting idiots(religitards) making intelligent americans an gun owners suffer.
i swear if i ever visit england or some european country the i'll have to cry out "I am not an animal! I am a human being! I...am...a man!" or get some of my euro buddies to vouch for me. at least then i might get some sympathy and respect, but i sure as hell not going to get it by just saying i'm from the u.s. with morons wanting "traditional values".
Posted by: fireweaver
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May 26, 2010 10:47 PM
Is it just me or is "teh stoopid" reaching critical mass?
Posted by: paulmurray
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May 26, 2010 11:14 PM
Oh man, the site knocked back my suggestion as "inappropriate"!!
"Offer a bounty to anyone, anywhere willing to undergo sterization. People able to contribute to society will not need the money, others (drug addicts, etc) will take the cash. Over time, those bad traits will disappear.
It would be great to go global with this. The main problem with the poor countries is too many poor people. A cash bounty like this will pare the population back to just the contributors."
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawlhJkLoaLREvGWBjKzFVMpetAw91i17YYw
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May 26, 2010 11:30 PM
Most of the 'inappropriate' messages are due to one or two words. Try again with '$terilizatian' and 'b0unty'.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawlhJkLoaLREvGWBjKzFVMpetAw91i17YYw
|
May 26, 2010 11:33 PM
Sorry, that was 'bounty' with a zero for the o.
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler
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May 26, 2010 11:40 PM
The problem was that this whole initiative started with House Republicans.
If this had come from the Senate, John McCain would have made them aware of all the relevant Internet traditions.
Posted by: tokenadult
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May 26, 2010 11:57 PM
The site by the Republicans is a train wreck. But in all fairness, the misleadingly named change.org site, which even suckered Greg Laden, was also a train wreck, but on the other side of the political aisle. Any open forum about public policy on the Web is sure to be a train wreck.
Posted by: Snoof
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May 26, 2010 11:58 PM
Of course it is! That would imply evolution is _true_.Posted by: Wiggy
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May 27, 2010 12:13 AM
It's DOWN! That was quick. What an epic embarrassment for the GOP!
Posted by: Wiggy
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May 27, 2010 12:16 AM
Wait. It's not. My bad. Are we taking bets on how long it will take them to yank it?
Posted by: timrowledge, Ersatz Haderach
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May 27, 2010 12:32 AM
Wrong! The Onion beat you to it by miles - they thought up the entire Republican Party! Damn right. We all know Nice Computers don't go down…Posted by: Aquaria
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May 27, 2010 12:44 AM
These Republitards are still chapped at how the Dems lassoed the power of the Internet and rode it to Congressional majorities and the White House, but it's their own damned fault for treating the internet like a fad, rather than a powerful communication tool.
The Dems can now do lightning fundraising, getting supporters across the country to donate thousands, even millions, to races in other parts of the nation, in mere hours. The Republicans stayed with the mass mailing approach that had served them so well, before widespread Internet access. It still works, but it usually takes weeks to get the money, and at a high cost per donation received in comparison to popping off an email to, or calling, Kos, Atrios, Firedoglake and so forth.
In 2006, the RNC/RCCC/RSCCC sent certified letters (at over $5 per for postage!) to their big money contributors begging for money, and then in 2008 they sent massive mailings with pre-paid Priority Mail, Fed Ex and Express Mail envelopes to their contributors up to $11 or $12 each). We're talking hundreds sent in the San Antonio area.
Both times when I saw that, I knew the Republicans were in very big trouble. You don't spend that kind of money to get money in politics, unless you're desperate.
I don't think the Republicans will ever benefit from the Internet age without a drastic overhaul of, well, everything they think and do. Most of the people they're trying to rally are even dumber and/or inept at using the Internet than the RNC, and the mailing lists work only if enough people already support you.
In the end, their denial of all the good that science and intellect achieves bit them on the ass. I don't know if this will continue, but it might.
Posted by: monado
|
May 27, 2010 1:41 AM
So that's where my confirming e-mail went~-straight to the spam folder!
Require a couple to prove that they can produce children before they are allowed to marry. After all, the purpose of marriage is to have children. Better yet, let the woman (or both women) be pregnant before they can marry. Marriages in old folks homes are automatically disallowed. Or if the woman is over fifty. Or, to be fair, if either partner is over fifty.
Heh, heh, heh.
Posted by: Fortknox
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May 27, 2010 2:54 AM
Tell me if you agree with this-
Is Rachel Maddow superstitious?
Posted by: nothing.beside.remains
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May 27, 2010 3:29 AM
One of my favorites:
Posted by: Oneiric
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May 27, 2010 3:56 AM
"China is doing to well as an economy. This is because they have child labour. Take children out of schools. Their not learning much there anyway! The only true book to learn from is the bible. And the bible supports this. Children should be disciplined. And work encourages discipline. Not learning from all those heathen devil-worshipping books! Proverbs (23:13-14)"
"Make people from all other countries illegal aliens. Then ban illegal aliens. Otherwise they will become terrorists and blow up the white house.
And new york."
Those are my contributions (so far)...
^_^
Posted by: Fortknox
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May 27, 2010 4:14 AM
I updated the topic about Rachel Maddow providing explicit example.
Is Rachel Maddow superstitious?
Posted by: Oneiric
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May 27, 2010 4:21 AM
@ Fortobnoxious:
Fuck off. Stop trying to grab attention with bright colours and big fonts. You might not be used to it in the dens you're used to trolling, but people actually read posts here.
Posted by: Ichthyic
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May 27, 2010 4:23 AM
wasn't PZ at the last straw with this guy YESTERDAY?
seriously, cleanup already.
Posted by: Fortknox
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May 27, 2010 4:33 AM
Why won't you address the question?
Focusing on a single post with big letters and red color to appropriately divert your attention to this is IDIOTIC.
Posted by: Xenithrys
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May 27, 2010 5:01 AM
Oneiric @ 181.
No, work makes you free – they'd understand that.
Posted by: Kirk
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May 27, 2010 5:26 AM
Earn badges?
Did anybody here actually post and earn some badges?
What's that about, some kind of appeal to the boy scouts?
And isn't the symbol for the badge a pentagram inside a hexagon? I'll bet there is some kind of coven behind this republican thing. Whether they are witches or vampires is not clear to me yet.
Posted by: Aquaria
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May 27, 2010 5:33 AM
Kirk:
I seem to recall the old RNC site having some kind of point system to trade for GOP swag. I remember an Atrios regular who was going for Koozies and backpacks. Whether it was for the lulz, or to get the GOP to spend money needlessly on crap rather than campaigns, I don't remember. Probably both.
Posted by: Moggie
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May 27, 2010 6:09 AM
#187:
Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!
If they're pushing merchandise, it would be interesting to know who's making money out of that.
Posted by: mudman
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May 27, 2010 8:06 AM
Thank you PZ and thank you GOP. My face aches from laughing so much over the last 24 hrs.
Posted by: PZ Myers
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May 27, 2010 8:15 AM
Fortknox: BANNED.
Posted by: derelicthat
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May 27, 2010 8:25 AM
Whoever posted the Andrew Ryan speech to this, I love you. Never has Bioshock's Randian inspiration been so appropriate.
Posted by: PZ Myers
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May 27, 2010 8:25 AM
Jebus. That asshole posted the same question 13 times in great big red fonts, in different threads. He's making me think I've been far too lenient with these jerks.
Posted by: Rorschach
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May 27, 2010 8:26 AM
Good riddance anyway.
Posted by: Lynne
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May 27, 2010 8:29 AM
So far, this is my favorite:
Posted by: First Approximation, L'esprit de l'escalier
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May 27, 2010 8:55 AM
re #191:
hehe
Posted by: Oneiric
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May 27, 2010 9:09 AM
Has the site been taken down?
Can't access my posts... :(
PS. @ PZ: Thank you!
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawnDYADOMbFRErPYtQ9N35AyS1egx8Vs_EM
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May 27, 2010 9:13 AM
>>Posted by: SC OM | May 26, 2010 2:00 PM
The first one is a thing of beauty.
The first one is dead scary.
My "born again" sister made a similar complaint to me: (outraged) "The school is telling my kids that human beings are ANIMALS, and I have to tell them that's not true!!".
Posted by: Birger Johansson
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May 27, 2010 9:14 AM
I found this on "Fiscal accountability":
"We should get off our fiat currency and move to one backed by feldspar, with quartz as a reserve currency. If we used silver as an additional reserve currency in the 19th century, we'd not have had to go to fiat currency, since we'd have reserves to expand our money supply.
Feldspar and silicates, like quartz, are the most common minerals on the planet, so we shouldn't have problems increasing our supply of these and our money supply."
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/B2rU5fh6nMbTxQtxj55u_V._xvaV2U4-#51d26
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May 27, 2010 9:20 AM
#164
G. Marx - "Horsefeathers"
Posted by: David Marjanović
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May 27, 2010 9:37 AM
Week saved.
Posted by: Benjamin "pardon my French" Geiger
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May 27, 2010 9:49 AM
PZ @ #191:
And there was much rejoicing.
Posted by: First Approximation, L'esprit de l'escalier
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May 27, 2010 9:56 AM
Me neither. I wouldn't be surprised if I was banned from the site. Some suggestions I made:
The first two made in the top 10 most interesting for the categories of 'National Security' and 'American Values', respectively. The last one I stole for Fundies Say The Darndest Things (FSTDT). Actually, quite appropriately, I saw quite a few entries from FSTDT there. I don't really ever troll, but this was really fun.
Just further proof the GOP can't do anything right.
Posted by: Muskiet
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May 27, 2010 10:08 AM
One of us has been naughty:
ROFL!
Posted by: Multicellular
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May 27, 2010 10:37 AM
This is obviously not a serious comment but I thought it was hilarious just the same:
Posted by: ursulamajor
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May 27, 2010 10:46 AM
The site is still pumping out comic gold.
Posted by: Zernk
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May 27, 2010 10:53 AM
alyson #72,
It's OK. I speak Batshit. My entire family bursts as one into a hearty rendition of the dramatic reading at every opportunity. Especially when Mother does something instain.
do way = do away with (execute, I suppose)
instain = insane
ar = Arkansas
to lady = to lay to rest (love that one)
pary = prayers
lots = loss
Posted by: geoffr1
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May 27, 2010 11:36 AM
I have noted over the years Americans talking about building a wall up along their borders to keep out illegal immigrants. Although most of this talk relates to the border with Mexico there are those who want to put up a wall on the Canadian border as well. As a Canadian I’m wondering if maybe it us who should be thinking about building a wall along the American border for the purpose of keeping these deranged, gun totting, tea party, religious zealot crazy people out of our country. Sure we have our share of wing nuts here but in the U.S., I don’t know. Is there something in the water or what? Keeping Sarah Palin in mind lets not forget to throw one up on the border with Alaska as well. Cheers!
Posted by: BrianX
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May 27, 2010 12:13 PM
I'm not sure I can be bothered to register and i sure as bloody blue fuck don't want Facebook giving the GOP my information (we get a somewhat steady flood of bullshit from the Heritage Foundation by snail mail already, and no matter who it's allegedly from it all seems to read the same).
I kind of want to put some trolling up about open source software along the lines of "open source is communism red flag linux blah blah blah" and "incompatible with the standard Windows systems" and "often written overseas to put american programmers out of work". I once did a three-page document about that. It was... impressive. Adequacy.org would have been proud.
Posted by: Aquaria
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May 27, 2010 12:54 PM
we get a somewhat steady flood of bullshit from the Heritage Foundation by snail mail already, and no matter who it's allegedly from it all seems to read the same
If you want the mailings to stop, I can give you advice on that, as a postal worker.
Basically, it involves opening the mail, writing a nastygram on the main page about what scumbags you think they are, and mailing it all back in their BRM envelope.
If they provide a toll-free phone number, you can also call that.
You do this until you're off the mailing list.
--Or--
Unless it says first class or some kind of Service Requested, you can throw it all in the garbage. That's all we'll do with it if you return it to us.
Posted by: smith.dans
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May 27, 2010 12:57 PM
Long time lurker here
This is my favorite so far, in Open Mic, and it'll be a doozy to top it:
Consensual love is just that; consensual. There is no reason to forbid two intelligent consenting entities from engaging in relations, logically, because legislating a victimless crime on the basis of morality is against the American way. Therefore, the government should stop misusing Animal Abuse laws to convict zoophiles and remove them from their animalistic loved ones. Consensual bestiality should not be illegal. No, I am not joking. Everything I've said is logically sound.
I'm sure this isn't a legitimate suggestion, but there has to be someone somewhere nodding, brow wrinkled, thinking, "Absolutely."
Posted by: alysonmiers
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May 27, 2010 1:10 PM
@Zernk #207: Thank you!
I can see where all those other typos are coming from, but how the hell does one come up with "instain" for "insane"?
Posted by: Perspexo
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May 27, 2010 1:33 PM
Thanks for the heads up PZ, this is the funniest thing I've seen on teh intertoobz for years.
Mind you it does go some way towards confirming my suspicion that the republican party is actually a huge surrealist art stunt, I mean no-one could be that daft?
Posted by: Betelgeuse
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May 27, 2010 1:43 PM
#55, 195, 204
Hahahahaha, *stop, breathe*, hahaha..
I was having a super rubbish day until I popped in for my daily dose, and haven't stopped giggling since. Thanks!
As for the original gems that PZ posted, I know this isn't the general opinion but #1 seems suspiciously genuine.
Either that, or I've been reading wayyy too much about people's off-the-balance, incredible (!) ideas and have lost the ability to judge.
Posted by: Kathy Orlinsky
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May 27, 2010 2:00 PM
I'm bookmarking this site for occasional comic relief.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawlhJkLoaLREvGWBjKzFVMpetAw91i17YYw
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May 27, 2010 2:11 PM
@Kirk #187,
I have badges. I'm DBCooper and was #1 in points last night before the site went down for hours or I was locked out. Tons o' fun!
Posted by: caseyhov
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May 27, 2010 2:11 PM
Hint: Everyone who's name references a 4chan meme is not an actual republican.
I'm trollin gthere with a name that has nothing to do with 4chan. So there are a lot of other trolls too.
Come on over and make them start censoring.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawlhJkLoaLREvGWBjKzFVMpetAw91i17YYw
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May 27, 2010 2:23 PM
...and then there's this:
2=7.
Posted by: chanson.exmormon
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May 27, 2010 3:27 PM
My guess is that the first one (about the fish) is a liberal joke. Horrifyingly enough, I suspect the others are serious.
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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May 27, 2010 3:56 PM
Hallelujah!It's spooky that
MabusitySmithianism seems to be contagious. Perhaps we should hose down the blog with quicklime just to be safe.Posted by: Rutee, Shrieking Harpy of Dooooom
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May 27, 2010 4:04 PM
It's like Conservapedia, but with the approval and seals of the Republican PArty
Oh HO HO HO HO HO HO HO.
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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May 27, 2010 4:04 PM
Brownian let slip how to go about this recently: say "eh" and "aboat" a lot.Posted by: Epinephrine
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May 27, 2010 4:23 PM
No, it's "aboot," though I can't hear it. Apparently the Brits find it quite funny, though.
Posted by: Weed Monkey
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May 27, 2010 4:44 PM
BrianX #209:
Isn't it obvious? They're not writing it themselves, they must be channeling their god's mind!Posted by: LM
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May 27, 2010 4:59 PM
Favorite:
"Make a gay threesome video with Mark Foley, Roy Ashburn, and Bob Allen. Use the income to 'protect the sanctity of marriage.'"
Posted by: Steven Mading
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May 27, 2010 4:59 PM
Wow, the interface for that site is horrible.
Stupid things I saw so far in the website's design:
1 - Dumb error message:
I click on "responses" under any post and it always tells me in a transparent hovering text:
"Something Happened
We could not retrieve the responses for this question. Please retry your request."
Hmm... "Something". Yah. That's useful. (plus it makes the message appear on top of the screen with no tinting on the transparent background so it's very hard to read on top of the rest of the screen.)
2 - Dumb vote bars:
The vote bars grow right-to-left in such a way that it makes the vote appear to be inverted. (It looks as if the "null" black space is actually the bar and the green or orange space is the background of the widget.)
3 - Posts deleted are still votable.
The topmost suggestion was: "This post was removed after being flagged by the community. " and it shows 42 total votes, most of which are thumbs up - and I can still vote on it.
4 - When the popup comes up when you try to post and you're not logged in, your only options are to sign in or register. "Cancel" or "Close" isn't an option. You have to reload the page to get the box to go away if you don't want to sign up. Stupid.
Posted by: ambulocetacean
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May 27, 2010 5:28 PM
I'm trying to leave my idea about training earthworms to smell traces of explosives on terrorists' shoes but it says that's an inappropriate idea :(
Posted by: OleanderTea
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May 27, 2010 5:43 PM
I know what I'm doing this weekend. It will involve vodka and helpful suggestions to the Republican powers that be.
*snerk*
Posted by: Betelgeuse
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May 27, 2010 7:19 PM
Aramaic as the Official Language of the US. We do this to respect two facts: this is a Christian Nation and Jesus spoke Aramaic, therefore, that should be our language as well. Anyone who refuses to speak the language of our Lord should be deported back to where they came from. This includes the Native Americans.
That made me laugh. A lot, the more I read it.
Posted by: Kapitano
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May 27, 2010 7:55 PM
My humble sumbission:
True Patriots should volunteer to outterrorist the terrorists by going to Bagdad and blowing themselfs up in it.
American Terror must show itself to be terrifyinger than Muhammad Terrorism.
God Will Bless America's Bombs.
Posted by: amk.myopenid.com
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May 27, 2010 8:17 PM
This man speaks the truth.I could post a suggestion to return the 13 colonies (or was that Battlestar Galactica?) to Britain and give the rest of the US back to the natives but I can't be bothered right now.
Posted by: amk.myopenid.com
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May 27, 2010 8:25 PM
These two look sincere to me. There's another suggesting "enhanced interrogations".Posted by: Heather
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May 27, 2010 9:00 PM
I was telling my husband about all of the funny stuff on this site, but then when I went to find it - most of the really good stuff was gone! It seems that maybe they have started to moderate it a bit, taking some of the really kooky stuff off.
But that just makes me wonder - how do they know what is kooky bat-shit crazy stuff, and how much is really serious platform material?
Posted by: Jadehawk, cascadeuse féministe
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May 27, 2010 9:06 PM
no, there's still a couple funny ones left. in American Values:
"we should make english the official language of the US and stop spending tax dollars on translations for mexicans! if english is good enough for baby jesus, its good enough for americans."
Posted by: Anti_Theist-317
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May 28, 2010 12:11 PM
**
I think this site needs to be mentioned again and again and again.
Then mentioned again. Like it or not the republicans will take back the government except for Obama's. So, sites of this nature are important to read, post on and respond to.
Whether this site flop's or not. It is obviously important to their party. Until it completely goes under it needs to be given attention. Hopefully, like most things this will not be forgotten next weekend. The only way this will happen is if PZ or others whose sites we frequent remind us.
There is never anything new under the sun. The problem is human nature and the media command us to move on then we forget.
Posted by: GravityIsJustATheory
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May 28, 2010 12:41 PM
Damn, my suggestion for fixing the economy was deemed inappropriate:
This suggestion for national security seemed to be accepted, but the intertubes seem to be playing up and I'm not sure if it actually got through:
Posted by: First Approximation, L'esprit de l'escalier
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May 28, 2010 12:43 PM
Trolling for a good cause.
Posted by: timothy.green.name
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May 28, 2010 1:59 PM