Pharyngula

Posted by: formosus | May 26, 2010 7:12 PM

"I'm still trying to decide which to believe."

Classic.

Posted by: Wowbagger, Man-Hating Man of Pharyngula | May 26, 2010 7:17 PM

And yet a significant proportion of the US people wouldn't realise that it's satire. It's funny and sad at the same time.

Posted by: Shplane, some shit in french | May 26, 2010 7:47 PM

The end was the best part. "MTV Scientists" lolol

Posted by: Legion | May 26, 2010 8:21 PM

sigh.

We saw the title screen, but didn't notice the Onion logo and thought this was real until the thing started playing.

Posted by: Dit Dat Dot | May 26, 2010 8:48 PM

The Onion never fails to make my day.

Posted by: DLC | May 26, 2010 8:55 PM

(and yes, I know it wasn't named for *that* Poe! )
(I'm a god-soaked-moron, not an ignoramus!)

Posted by: Randomfactor | May 26, 2010 9:03 PM

I *DO* hope that Cthulhu's return is given equal billing. I'd *SO* hate for the staff at the Onion to be eaten last...

Posted by: chaseacross | May 26, 2010 9:35 PM

It's not that close to the truth. We can be thankful that the courts have consistently prevented religion from barging its way into the classrooms. A few freak states like Texas can certainly try to "adjust" reality, but as a whole I think public education is secular enough. Now we just need to go to work on the private schools.

Posted by: mxh | May 26, 2010 10:30 PM

Brilliant! In astronomy class once we were talking about how the sun will eventually grow large enough to engulf the earth, and a religious nut was ecstatic because "God said that the earth would end in fire!"

Posted by: drumprof | May 26, 2010 10:56 PM

The last line is friggin' Hilarious!...Laughed my ass off. "MTV scientists have discovered a previously unfilmed species of asshole"...HAHAHAHA!

Posted by: Citizen of the Cosmos | May 26, 2010 11:25 PM

The really sad part is of course that before the video started playing, I was convinced it was the real thing. Then I saw the Onion logo and you can imagine the relief. I fear it's only a matter of time before the lunatics will say something like this and be serious about it. Maybe we have listened to the ignoramuses for far too long and now let's just go back to ignoring them again.

Posted by: Glen Davidson | May 27, 2010 12:41 AM

Will students get to discuss the effects Armageddon might have on the evolution of life?

Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

Posted by: Glen Davidson | May 27, 2010 1:12 AM

No, haven't you paid attention? Evolution [science] leads to killing people and is therefore a sin.

I guess I'm living proof that we need classes like that.

And, parody or not, there's not much reason to doubt that this sort of thing would be pushed by the IDiots if they ever managed their theocratic intrusions into science and into science teaching.

Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

Posted by: tuckerch | May 27, 2010 1:40 AM

The Onion.

America's Finest News Source!

Posted by: HertfordshireChris | May 27, 2010 2:37 AM

Many people who have never been to the U.S. and never seen the Onion News Network before are likely to find this very scary. Many Europeans would, on first sight, think Sarah Palin was OTT satire – and are horrified to find out that she is serious and had a very significant following. Surveys on the American views of Evolution suggest that the country with by far the largest number of nuclear weapons is probably the most incompetently educated of any country in the developed world. The gung-ho approach to Iraq appeared to have been significantly influenced by a belief that as “we are Christians we are always right” and can beat up anyone we don't like because we have the shock and awe weapons to prove the truth of our beliefs.

Both Israel and Pakistan governments (both strongly seen as many as identified with the US) have nuclear bombs which might fall into the wrong hands if the area becomes even more unstable. After Iraq can we be sure that the U.S. Military is free of Christian fundamentalists who would welcome the Second Coming. If Sarah Palin ever gets to the White House we could find that only Christian Fundamentalists are allowed to have their fingers on the button.

It only needs one small group of religious maniacs to start planting nukes in lorries in major city centres and all hell is likely to be set loose.

OK the clip might be seen as good satire by those who regularly see American television – but I don't see it as being funny. I can imagine it being used (possibly with arabic subtitle suggesting it is fact) to explain why America is the country to fear and hate in countries who see the American Christian-led Crusades to put the world right as a threat to their own beliefs and ways of life.

Posted by: jcmartz.myopenid.com | May 27, 2010 3:39 AM

I for one propose that Intelligent Falling be taught along with the Theory of Gravity.

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

Posted by: masksoferis | May 27, 2010 3:55 AM

At James F in #3:

Pastafarian eschatology, reformed Expanded Universe heresiarch version: There will be no more pirates, save Davy Jones; there will be no more fish in the sea, save Godzilla, who technically speaking is not a fish, but this then is not a technical manual of the apocalypse, but a brief summary. (For the manual, see Apocaflopticon Piraiteicon, Bench Press, Sauk City (WI), 1952.)

There will be ten tornadoes greater than any seen before, and as they combine in the skies, two black holes shall open, and everyone nearby will be spaghettified instantaneously; this shall be the 23rd deuterocanonical coming of the FSM, and the taking up and the slurping of the faithful; but those that cannot account for their balls of meat shall be left behind, right behind, to suffer the rest of the apocalypse, and the toil of the damned.

In those days the dead shall rise; the graveyards will seethe, and the seas will vomit forth their dead; and there shall be eating of the flesh, and drinking of the blood, and great confusion on whether this is a zombie or a vampire uprising; but it shall be both, and it shall be an abomination. And there shall be great gnashing of teeth, and no teeth shall be left ungnashed, save some dentures, which shall be lost, and also damned, because it's no fun losing your dentures in the middle of a zompire uprising. (Especially because as it turns out biting a zompire will turn it into a man; biting it twice will turn it into an Englishman; but if a zompire and a man bite each other at the same time, they shall be destroyed in a great explosion, and logicians shall be wroth, and their publications shall block out the sun itself.)

There shall be men with the faces of locusts, most probably spooking the children; there shall be men with the heads of elephants (and hearing them speak, men shall call their trunks tails), and there shall be men with asses for heads; and they shall rule states without number, and others where mathematics is still taught. And there shall be a teacher, and she shall be called Wormwood, and there shall be a beast, and he shall be called Calvin. Luther there shall not be; he is an ex-reformer; he has ceased to reform; etc. etc.

There shall be a great profusion of angels, with every integer combination of the number of wings, bosoms, eyes, hands and horns; most of them shall be abhorrent to behold, and all of them will find great difficulty shopping for clothes and sunglasses, and thus shall make war on the malls of the creation, turning the hamburger hut into a ruin, and the ATM into a great smoking pit, in which the carcases of the middle managers shall be barbequed, as it is prophesied in the Complainex Coustomersia.

There shall be cubits everywhere, and chalcedony too, and myrrh though no-one knows what to do with it.

In the end all will be gone save Davy Jones and Godzilla; and they shall repopulate the reformed Earth, and all seas shall turn to beer, and all lakes to various other alcoholic beverages, gross and unhygienic as that might be. There shall be health effects, but there shall be no more showers; but no-one shall mind.

And then there will be a midget, but he shall be late, and shall go back into his coffee urn, cursing mightily, and vowing a thousand-year war against the foul unbathed giant crowd.

And in the end, the cows will come home from outer space, pigs shall gain sufficient thrust and fly just fine, a troll shall say sorry, and there will be much rejoicing. Ramen.

(Shorter FSM eschatology: There shall be no more pirates. Oh no!)

(Come to think of it, maybe I should have gone with the shorter form. Oh well and apologies.)

Posted by: Wowbagger, Man-Hating Man of Pharyngula | May 27, 2010 4:12 AM

Hang on...

Comment by Fortknox blocked. [unkill] ​[show comment]

Ah, that's better. At least until PZ bans your stupid ass.

Posted by: Fortknox | May 27, 2010 4:27 AM

At least until PZ bans your stupid ass.

Excuse me?!

WTF are you talking about, what the hell is stupid about that question, especially now that I provided an example?
.
.
.
.
.
.

Is Rachel Maddow superstitious?

Posted by: Ichthyic | May 27, 2010 4:36 AM

look up:

spamming

in the dungeon guide.

you're a racist, moronic motherfucker.

Posted by: Fortknox | May 27, 2010 4:40 AM

Excuse me, but PZ frequently posts Rachel Maddow videos here, it is only appropriate to divert his attention to this.

And since this comment section is highly diffused and visually inefficient my approach is perfectly legitimate and appropriate.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Is Rachel Maddow superstitious?

Posted by: Midnight Rambler | May 27, 2010 5:51 AM

CotC @22:

I fear it's only a matter of time before the lunatics will say something like this and be serious about it.

Don't forget that an actual article from the Onion, about how the Harry Potter books were causing a Satanism and witchcraft craze among kids, was widely circulated on Christian web outlets. Unfortunately this one probably has too many giveaways to try (notably the last line), but you never know. That one, after all, concluded with:

"I think it's absolute rubbish to protest children's books on the grounds that they are luring children to Satan," Rowling told a London Times reporter in a July 17 interview. "People should be praising them for that! These books guide children to an understanding that the weak, idiotic Son Of God is a living hoax who will be humiliated when the rain of fire comes, and will suck the greasy cock of the Dark Lord while we, his faithful servants, laugh and cavort in victory."

Posted by: Nebula99 | May 27, 2010 6:07 AM

Fortknox, if you really want to talk about Rachel Maddow, post in the off-topic thread--without the stupid big text and colors. Are you trying to make Pharyngula an eyesore to get back at those ugly rapture websites? N00b.

Posted by: hauntedchippy | May 27, 2010 6:50 AM

Help me pharyngulites, you're my only hope!
Wakefield released a book titled "Callous Disregard" (the sheer nerve!) and his minions are all over the star system.

http://www.amazon.com/Callous-Disregard-Autism-Vaccines-Tragedy/dp/1616081694/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274956353&sr=8-1

Apologies if toast.

Posted by: Arty45 | May 27, 2010 10:48 AM

The "teach the 'other' side" folks are for real (ok, they're more like surreal, but they do exist).
Petitions have been presented to a school board in western Colorado asking to prohibit the teaching about "man-made global warming."
Read about it in the Denver Post, Grand Junction Daily Sentinel, or News11.
Also on blogs such as JunctionDailyBlog and ColoradoPols.
But note this localeditorial in opposition.

It's the same old recycled crap of "teach the controversy" that we've been fighting regarding evolution. In this case, it's an attempt to introduce politics, rather than religion, into the science classroom.

Fortunately, we have a school board filled with mostly rational thinkers (not perfectly rational - they are all humans, after all).

Keep an eye on your school board agendas, and keep an eye on the group that styles themselves as Balanced Education for Everyone.