There are some things Mankind was not meant to comprehend : Pharyngula

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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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There are some things Mankind was not meant to comprehend

Category: Weirdness
Posted on: June 25, 2010 6:32 PM, by PZ Myers

We are members of a very weird species.

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Comments

Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites | June 25, 2010 6:37 PM

What's the problem here? I don't get this post.

Posted by: Glen Davidson | June 25, 2010 6:39 PM

Ha, let evolutionists try to explain that one.

Must be due to the Designe...uh, forget about that and try to tell me every last step in the evolution of the bacterial flagellum.

Glen Davidson

Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites | June 25, 2010 6:40 PM

Also, 'Mankind'? Is that on purpose?

Posted by: Ichthyic | June 25, 2010 6:40 PM

*shakes head slowly*

Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM | June 25, 2010 6:41 PM

*facepalm*

Posted by: McCthulhu is taking ∞ to eat all the pi | June 25, 2010 6:46 PM

The mental imagery is classic. NO ONE caught this on a vid phone?

Posted by: PZ Myers | June 25, 2010 6:46 PM

Yeah, Brownian caught me.

Actually, I'm hoping Womankind will comment here and explain it all.

Posted by: Autumn | June 25, 2010 6:49 PM

Wait, so the ex-girlfriend was dressed in a gay-pub-costume?

Posted by: Ichthyic | June 25, 2010 6:49 PM

are were sure that headline wasn't just describing the setup for a female mud-wrestling event?

#10

Posted by: Dianne | June 25, 2010 6:50 PM

Actually, I'm hoping Womankind will comment here and explain it all.

Sorry, but there are just some things Man was not meant to know.

Also I'm hoping someone will sue the makers of Snickers over this.

#11

Posted by: Ichthyic | June 25, 2010 6:52 PM

seems ALL the headlines associated with this are... bizarre...

Police: Woman in Sumo Suit Attacks Ex with Smirnoff Ice for Flirting

how do you attack someone with Smirnoff?

pour it on them and light them on fire?

#12

Posted by: Ichthyic | June 25, 2010 6:54 PM

...and yes, I know the obvious is that they were referring to a bottle, not the contents.

but what fun is that in a thread like this?

#13

Posted by: ultim8fury | June 25, 2010 6:54 PM

The only thing I don't get, is why a Snickers bar. It makes no sense when you could be something awesome like a curly wurly.

#14

Posted by: chukgoodin | June 25, 2010 6:54 PM

It's Smirnoff Ice. Obviously, it's been frozen into a dagger shape which she then used to stab the ex.

#15

Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites | June 25, 2010 6:54 PM

Actually, I'm hoping Womankind will comment here and explain it all.

That's what I thought you were doing.

But I don't see a gender issue here, just a jilted individual with hurt feelings and poor impulse control. That the individuals involved are women is irrelevant.

In fact, you do hit the salient part of the story with your text, "We are members of a very weird species." That's the story.

#16

Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM | June 25, 2010 6:55 PM

If only the guy had been dressed as an M&M or a deep-fried Mars Bar then there'd have been no problem. Dressing up as a Snickers is just asking for trouble.

#17

Posted by: Ichthyic | June 25, 2010 6:59 PM

another wonderful headline:

Lesbian Sumo Wrestler Attacks Snickers Bar With A Smirnoff Ice

poor Snickers Bar.

#18

Posted by: Cerberus, unnatural product of en-OMnomnom-ification | June 25, 2010 6:59 PM

Human diversity makes the circumstance possible.

Human stupidity makes the headline possible.

Human sauce makes Soylent Green delicious.

Any questions?

#19

Posted by: howard.peirce | June 25, 2010 7:02 PM

A Snickers bar is like a lesbian pub, except for people who prefer peanuts.

#20

Posted by: Aquaria | June 25, 2010 7:03 PM

Last year at a family barbecue here in San Antonio, Gabriel Iglesias and his "Dayummmmn!!" cousin dressed up in sumo costumes and went at it.

I need to ask if anyone filmed it.

#21

Posted by: Ms. Crazy Pants | June 25, 2010 7:07 PM

Mmmmmmmmmm......
snickers bar man.....

Yup, that's definitely droolable.

#22

Posted by: McCthulhu is taking ∞ to eat all the pi | June 25, 2010 7:11 PM

Seems to me the explanation is that sumo wrestlers have exceptionally green eyes.

#23

Posted by: alysonmiers | June 25, 2010 7:12 PM

She's your EX, you batshit nutbag, she's not "yours" anymore. If she wants to wave at a guy in a Snickers costume, that's her prerogative!

#24

Posted by: Sioux Laris | June 25, 2010 7:35 PM

It's a pity we can't see the original headline IN FULL.

#25

Posted by: Aratina Cage | June 25, 2010 7:36 PM

And what was the victim dressed as for this Halloween party when she was assaulted by the Sumo wrestler? And who dresses up as a Sumo wrestler or a Snickers bar for Halloween??? Crazy!

#26

Posted by: JJ | June 25, 2010 7:36 PM

@11 Itchthyic

Naw, that wouldn't work. Sminoff Ice doens't have teh alchohol content to set someone on fire with. It's pretty much water, sugar and about 5% alchohol by volume.

BUT you chousl assult someoen with it by getting them extremely drunk, 'cause the hangover from that much sugary alchohol would be horrific.

#27

Posted by: mistereveready | June 25, 2010 7:47 PM

just more evidence of intelligent design. yes i'm joking.

#28

Posted by: Shala | June 25, 2010 7:48 PM

She's your EX, you batshit nutbag, she's not "yours" anymore. If she wants to wave at a guy in a Snickers costume, that's her prerogative!

You could say she wanted to...

...Grab a Snickers.

#29

Posted by: derelicthat | June 25, 2010 7:48 PM

Oh you just know that printing that headline made some editor's day.

#30

Posted by: JJ | June 25, 2010 7:49 PM

Typo fail. And I normally read my posts before hitting that "Submit" button. Must be nearing five o'clock

#31

Posted by: SC OM | June 25, 2010 7:52 PM

It's a Mad Lib:

_____ (member of minority group) in _____ (professional dress related to an ethnicity) assaulted _____ (relationship with person) in _____ (locale) after (s)he _____ed (verb) at _____ (person) dressed as _____ (food item).

#32

Posted by: Crudely Wrott , Drinking Solo Since Death's Back On The Wagon | June 25, 2010 8:10 PM

From the linked article:

Ms Martin said she saw a Smirnoff Ice bottle fly from the defendant's sleeve. The State solicitor said the prosecution had no evidence that a bottle was used in the assault other than Ms Martin's word.
The accused was escorted out and had to be asked to partially deflate her costume so she could get out the door.

I'd like to know how Talbot can make a bottle fly from her sleeve. Martin's testimony does not indicate a sudden arm motion so the bottle must have really "[flown] from the defendant's sleeve." If I can discover the source of Talbot's amazing ability I rattle science to its roots!

And I keep imagining scenarios involving someone being asked to partially deflate in order to pass through a portal or some narrow way. A series of images suggesting death by a thousand embarrassments, erosion of egos and loss of all kinds of internal pressure. Art Linkletter had it right: people are funny.

#33

Posted by: Rey Fox, Bird Caller Guy | June 25, 2010 8:21 PM

One hell of a long headline. Don't they know they have adspace to sell?

#34

Posted by: broboxley OT | June 25, 2010 9:16 PM

its not teh gayness its the poor drinking skills drama like revenge is best performed sober

#35

Posted by: Rutee, Shrieking Harpy of Dooooom | June 25, 2010 9:18 PM

You could say she wanted to...
...Grab a bar of Snickers.

*Slips shades onto Shala*
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

#36

Posted by: chigau (◦_◦) | June 25, 2010 9:21 PM

Sumo is the only sport I willing watch.
Go Hakuho!

#37

Posted by: Mudak | June 25, 2010 9:36 PM

That is one looooooooooong headline....

#38

Posted by: McCthulhu is taking ∞ to eat all the pi | June 25, 2010 10:06 PM

In a related incident, Mr. T rearranges the headline where a Snickers bar attacks a speedwalker (who, according to the brand's US representatives, could be construed as gay, so they didn't use the ads in North America). To them I say, 'GET SOME NUTS!'

#39

Posted by: JustShowMeTheData | June 25, 2010 10:51 PM

The accused ... had to be asked to partially deflate her costume so she could get out the door

“Climategate” slowly deflates

"What are the odds, Gilligan?"
Glenn Beck and I see a pattern.
I'll get the chalkboard

#40

Posted by: Frank b | June 25, 2010 10:58 PM

I took the headline to mean that the assailant waved at a Snicker Bar man before assaulting her ex. Makes more sense that way;)

#41

Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM | June 25, 2010 11:07 PM

Does anyone know what the ex-girl friend, the one who waved at Mr. Snickers, was wearing?

#42

Posted by: McCthulhu is taking ∞ to eat all the pi | June 25, 2010 11:13 PM

@'Tis Himself,OM: She was dressed all in brown and went as a suntan.

#43

Posted by: tdanielmidgley | June 25, 2010 11:16 PM

One hell of a long headline. Don't they know they have adspace to sell?

I'm imagining the copy editor.

"Kind of wordy. Can we bring that down a bit?

"Nnnno, we really can't."

#44

Posted by: Sven DiMilo | June 25, 2010 11:30 PM

I'm hoping Womankind will comment here and explain it all

that would be Womynsplainin' ™ ?

#45

Posted by: Crudely Wrott , Drinking Solo Since Death's Back On The Wagon | June 26, 2010 12:10 AM

that would be Womynsplainin' ™ ?

Well, since you mentioned it, yeah. Probably. You know how things go around here.

[cue new meme in 3, 2, 1]

#46

Posted by: jcmartz.myopenid.com | June 26, 2010 12:57 AM

Chuckling...

#47

Posted by: MinnieTheFinn, kaamea ateistifeministinarttu | June 26, 2010 4:07 AM

Maybe this is just a case of product placement gone horribly wrong? I bet Smirnoff and Snickers use the same ad agency. I know what copywriters on chemical substances are capable of, I used to be one of them (but I'm all right now).

#48

Posted by: Anubis Bloodsin the third | June 26, 2010 4:13 AM

After living for most of the 80's in the very centre of Amsterdam about 2 mins from the Damrak and 1 min from the red light district...this was a quite run of the mill evening...and far more explicable...believe you me!

#49

Posted by: MinnieTheFinn, kaamea ateistifeministinarttu | June 26, 2010 4:22 AM

No, I was wrong. Not the same agencies, but rival agencies. Gives a whole new meaning to the term "guerrilla marketing".

#50

Posted by: Moggie | June 26, 2010 4:46 AM

So, what part of the radical gay agenda™ is this?

#51

Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/wmdkitty#83021 | June 26, 2010 5:18 AM

O_O

I have no words.

#52

Posted by: Naked Bunny with a Whip | June 26, 2010 7:45 AM