…and this is a 
You're reading this over breakfast, right? Just want to be sure I've caught you at an appropriate moment.
The story is simple: scientists have figured out how deep sea squid, which lack a modified arm for sex, copulate. It's obvious now — the males have an enormous penis, as long as their whole body. It just hasn't been easy to notice in the typically dead, flaccid, often somewhat decomposed state of many deep sea squid specimens.
The morbid part is that scientists caught a live specimen of Onykia ingens — well, dying specimen, actually — and they started cutting open the mantle, which prompted a surprising response from the animal. It got an erection and started ejaculating on the table. A two-foot long erection. I'm impressed at both its endowment and the remarkably inappropriate timing of its deployment.
Some of you really want to see this, and others are already planning to run away screaming. I'll be nice and put the photo below the fold.
The long pale tube at the bottom is the animal's penis.
The picture kind of reminds me of the facehugger from the movie Alien — and now you know what the tube forced down John Hurt's throat was, which adds a whole new level of squickiness to it.
Life Science
Comments
Posted by: llewelly
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July 7, 2010 8:18 AM
PZ:
and now we know what the females do for foreplay.
And yes, I did read this while eating breakfast.
Posted by: daveau
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July 7, 2010 8:19 AM
OMFNEG! I'll just slink away now...
Posted by: Janice in Toronto
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July 7, 2010 8:23 AM
And people wonder why I'm a lesbian...
Posted by: joleenkuyper
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July 7, 2010 8:32 AM
So the penis is pretty much the same length (height?) as the squid? Nice :-)
Posted by: mineralfellow
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July 7, 2010 8:34 AM
Funniest thing I've read all week.
Posted by: SteveV, Death's Pissant Haberdasher
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July 7, 2010 8:49 AM
Lets not be USAcentric please.
It's lunchtime.">http://www.jssi.biz/mia/dt20051030/pics/03Baby_Squid_for_Lunch.jpg">lunchtime.
Posted by: Janine, The Little Top Of Venom, OM
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July 7, 2010 8:51 AM
Hung like a horse? Shit, try hung like a squid.
(Slowing backs away. Nothing more to add.)
Posted by: Deepsix
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July 7, 2010 8:54 AM
Probably the closest we'll ever get to "Alien Autopsy".
Posted by: bbgunn071679
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July 7, 2010 8:58 AM
Wonder what the 'shrinkage factor' is down there in the cold depths of the sea?
Posted by: MolecularJJ
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July 7, 2010 9:02 AM
Mixing up alien facehuggers and deep sea squid phallus
Posted by: 13ollocks To The Rules
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July 7, 2010 9:03 AM
"Are you really happy to see me, or is there a squid in your pocket?"
Posted by: SteveV, Death's Pissant Haberdasher
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July 7, 2010 9:03 AM
Screwed that up.
Lunch, FFS, Lunch
Posted by: Bernard Bumner
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July 7, 2010 9:07 AM
Er, "last time I did that, I was asked to leave the dinner table...".
Or, "it's how I want to go...".
That is all.
Posted by: UXO
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July 7, 2010 9:07 AM
I don't generally get squirrelly about the whole animal's rights thing - I tend to belong to the "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals" camp - but just out of curiosity: what scientific purpose was being accomplished by the vivisection?
Posted by: Stephen Wells
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July 7, 2010 9:22 AM
@14: it was dying in a fishing net- "moribund" is the description in the BBC article. The scientific purpose turned out to be about two feet long.
Posted by: Gus Snarp
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July 7, 2010 9:26 AM
@UXO - What scientific purpose? For FSM's sake, they discovered the giant squid penis! Isn't that purpose enough?
Posted by: MrFire
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July 7, 2010 9:27 AM
The Argonaut, or Paper Nautilus, has a detachable penis.
Posted by: Janine, The Little Top Of Venom, OM
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July 7, 2010 9:37 AM
MrFire, you made me do this.
Posted by: MrFire
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July 7, 2010 9:55 AM
Janine:
Whoa. You have a song for every occasion.
Posted by: Volant Proboscidian
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July 7, 2010 10:09 AM
Wow. Deep-sea squid must be into some SERIOUS S&M if THAT'S what gets the males off.
Posted by: Gus Snarp
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July 7, 2010 10:24 AM
OK, maybe this is pure urban legend, but haven't humans been known to have a similar response? Hell, isn't that what auto-erotic asphyxiation is all about?
Posted by: Mattir-ritated
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July 7, 2010 10:31 AM
Penises are great stuff. You can keep Cub Scouts focused on nature education for HOURS if one will answer occasional questions about spider mating technique and the like. I will now add squid zongs to my body of knowledge.
Posted by: phlgradstudent
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July 7, 2010 10:38 AM
Wow, ask and you shall receive ... in the 'introduce yourself' thread I made the comment that the only thing that would improve the blog is dancing squid. And, well, ok, it's not exactly dancing squid but but giant dying ejaculating squid is close enough for me to holler: victory is mine!
But next time, PZ, please don't forget the foreplay - - - Dancing squid, what could be more erotic?
Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau
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July 7, 2010 10:46 AM
Awww it's like World According to Garp for squid.
Poor squid :(
Score one for science though!
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/Tz4Fp.gMjpZBeSdmJ8peOaDGW7LRaEDS#e1735
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July 7, 2010 10:54 AM
And right now... the two top "Most shared" stories on bbc.com are about cephalopods. (This, and the psychic octopus Paul).
PZ, you really _are_ taking over the world.
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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July 7, 2010 11:01 AM
Stop right there, PZ. I've heard it all before from ex-girlfriends.
Posted by: Volant Proboscidian
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July 7, 2010 11:06 AM
@Gus Snarp: I do recall hearing that erection sometimes occurs after hanging. According to Wikipedia, this fact may have inspired autoerotic asphyxiation as a treatment for erectile dysfunction, but the mechanism isn't related to the use of asphyxiation to enhance orgasm. Here's the link.
Obviously, though, I couldn't say if any of this is related to the squid's cutting fetish.
Posted by: Quidam
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July 7, 2010 11:36 AM
May my last act on Earth be a two foot erection and copius ejaculation.
Might take my mind off what's actually happening.
Posted by: havlak
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July 7, 2010 11:37 AM
Oh, come on.
The alien tube down John Hurt's throat is more analogous to an ovipositor. Unless he'd already swallowed a female.
Posted by: Charlie Foxtrot
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July 7, 2010 11:49 AM
Cheque, please!!Posted by: duplicate_id
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July 7, 2010 12:14 PM
Just goes to show that everyone deserves a happy ending.
Posted by: bernarda
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July 7, 2010 12:25 PM
Remember the song from the Swallows, "It ain't the meat, it's the motion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpPeQyT36Tg
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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July 7, 2010 12:27 PM
Last act on Earth? I'll be happy if that happens to me once.
Posted by: faisons
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July 7, 2010 12:42 PM
@ #20... WIN!
And now we know with certainty that the FSM favors the virility of the Sacred Squid. Hail its noodly appendages! It shall be henceforth known as a symbol of kinky sex for all mankind. PZ can be the Prophet of the Squid. I might even sign up for that religion. I wonder what Sunday Services would be like?
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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July 7, 2010 12:49 PM
As if the regular cock threads weren't enough to make me feel inferior. (And don't give me that "it's not the size, it's what you do with it" shpiel. - A lie promulgated by small men.)
Posted by: Walton, Marquis of Carabas
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July 7, 2010 12:52 PM
Is that so? (I wouldn't know, of course.) :-/
Posted by: Carlie of the lacy, gently wafting adjectives
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July 7, 2010 12:54 PM
Reminds me of ducks and their corkscrews - has anyone gotten a well enough preserved female squid to see what she's got going on in there?
Posted by: Icaria
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July 7, 2010 12:55 PM
Non-mammalian angel lust, there's an interesting idea. Before now, I thought that only occurred in humans and mice (long story).
Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau
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July 7, 2010 12:56 PM
*slaps Walton*
I'm sorry. Some one needed too.
Posted by: duplicate_id
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July 7, 2010 12:58 PM
I think I see a new market for molded silicone squid emerging here...
Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau
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July 7, 2010 12:58 PM
Poor Walton... does no one explain this to you?
*blink*
*blinkblink*
Posted by: And-U-Say
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July 7, 2010 1:00 PM
And now we know for sure. God IS obsessed with penises.
Posted by: Carlie of the lacy, gently wafting adjectives
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July 7, 2010 1:06 PM
So does this mean reality is now imitating hentai?
Posted by: Mattir-ritated
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July 7, 2010 3:51 PM
Wait, 43 posts, and no one mentioned circumcision? For shame! What is with you people?
This is Pharyngula, the All-Foreskins-All-The-Time Blog
Posted by: James R. Palmer II
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July 7, 2010 3:54 PM
The look of limpness is semi-surprising. I hope to seeing other species specimens so I can learn more about the evolution of copulation.
Posted by: Gembird
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July 7, 2010 4:06 PM
You know, I saw this when I got into work this morning and the first thing I thought was, "Well, this'll be on Pharyngula by the time I get home tonight."
And then I sent the link to my boyfriend. Not entirely sure how he feels about that.
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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July 7, 2010 4:10 PM
*ahegmn*Posted by: Xaocoh
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July 7, 2010 4:11 PM
Poor male squid. Has no one told them it's girth, not length that's important?
My first post on this blog and it's a penis joke. Woo-hoo!
Posted by: Mattir-ritated
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July 7, 2010 4:19 PM
Ah, so I misinterpreted squid anatomy. The entire BODY is merely a covering for the penis. How silly of me.
/slinks away blushing
Posted by: mistereveready
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July 7, 2010 4:26 PM
it just wanted to go out with a bang.
Posted by: Cyberguy
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July 7, 2010 4:50 PM
Why are they dissecting a live animal?
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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July 7, 2010 5:08 PM
Don't look at me. I own up to the fact that I'm poorly-endowed and at a loss as to what to do with it. It goes where again?
Maybe so, but I still wouldn't trust any calamari bought from a mohel.
Posted by: Shplane, some shit in french
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July 7, 2010 5:48 PM
#52
Ear or nose, depending on what she's into.
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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July 7, 2010 5:57 PM
Whatever works for you. ATASTTBPosted by: Ichthyic
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July 7, 2010 6:01 PM
"Obviously a strongly elongated penis is the solution," says Dr Arkhipkin.
Say, I think that guy has been sending me junk mail all year!
Posted by: Ichthyic
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July 7, 2010 6:05 PM
Why are they dissecting a live animal?
I can think of several reasons:
-study how organs are functioning while alive
-study nerve function
-did you notice it ejaculated? think that would happen if it were dead? It's information that tells us there might be something interesting happening in the nervous system that is different from other species of squid.
-it's not that easy to "kill" a squid quickly, and deep sea squid tend to disintegrate notoriously quickly.
Posted by: Ichthyic
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July 7, 2010 6:16 PM
Just goes to show that everyone deserves a happy ending.
ROFLMAO
Posted by: GravityIsJustATheory
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July 7, 2010 6:23 PM
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=108
Posted by: Gpdlesspanther
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July 7, 2010 6:37 PM
So I guess that my plan for a new business venture selling penis-enlargers to deep-sea squids is probably a dud? Damn, back to the drawing board.
Posted by: Chgo_Liz
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July 7, 2010 6:58 PM
Both the photo above and the last (third) photo in the linked article make me think clitoris/vulva more than penis, actually.
Posted by: Volant Proboscidian
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July 7, 2010 7:20 PM
@Gpdlesspanther: They may not have much use for lengthening, but as Xaocoh noted, there may be a market for penis engirtheners.
Posted by: tresmal
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July 7, 2010 9:43 PM
You know in some parts of the world a dying squid ejaculating on the table from a 2 foot long penis is considered a delicacy.
Posted by: sparkomatic2
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July 7, 2010 10:17 PM
I guess he came and went...
Posted by: Joe Miller
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July 7, 2010 10:17 PM
Postmortal Cephalopod Ejaculation? Sounds like the title of a Carcass track!
Posted by: Andromeda
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July 8, 2010 12:15 AM
"Some of you really want to see this, and others are already planning to run away screaming"
And some of us are cautiously curious. I did hover over the image to see if there was a higher-res version.
Posted by: chaseacross
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July 8, 2010 3:51 AM
What, did anyone not get that the headcrab had a penis? I mean, Ash (the robot dude who went on to Bilbo Baggins in the LOTR movies), says out loud that the chest-burster is "Kane's child." Men and their fear of penetration...
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmrL6noj-3o7YNPfHz8mNM4mCH4r8MSVRw
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July 8, 2010 7:18 AM
havlak @ 29:
no, it most definitely is a penis. the victim IS the female, as confirmed by the second movie "aliens", in which the dog victim gave birth to a dog/alien hybrid, and by "aliens vs predator", in which predator victim gave birth to a predator/alien hybrid, strongly suggesting the alien is able to hijack the victim's dna.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmrL6noj-3o7YNPfHz8mNM4mCH4r8MSVRw
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July 8, 2010 7:28 AM
correction: the dog/alien hybrid appears in the third sequel "alien 3"
Posted by: Falyne, FCD
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July 8, 2010 5:41 PM
Best sex I've ever had? I'd be surprised if it was 5 inches.
On a side note, I hate these commercials that play on my local radio station. A sulty female voice informs dudes that size DOES matter, particularly girth, and that "all the women listening right now are either smiling or nodding their heads in agreement". And I generally yell at the radio that, no, we're either yelling or rolling our eyes in annoyance. Bah.
Posted by: pjzen
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July 9, 2010 6:36 AM
I can't believe i had to read to comment #52 before I saw a calamari joke.