Pharyngula

Posted by: Ray Moscow | July 28, 2010 12:11 PM

Yuck. All better left unsaid and unpublished.

Creepy is right.

Posted by: randydudek | July 28, 2010 12:15 PM

And here I thought that this Nerf Herder video was just an amusing, though probably not work-safe musical jaunt.

Posted by: SaraJ | July 28, 2010 12:20 PM

Huh, reminds me of my psycho-stalker ex-boyfriend. Good thing she got away from that. Ew, gives me the willies.

Posted by: randydudek | July 28, 2010 12:23 PM

I only read the distilled version, so maybe I'm off base. I read the "I want to have a child with her," as no more creepy than the rest of the thing. The same way any loving couple would want to have a baby together.

GRANTED, they were not a loving couple, and he's a psycho, but the baby part wasn't any WORSE to my eyes than the rest of it.

Posted by: randydudek | July 28, 2010 12:26 PM

I also missed the part where he is a semi-legit newsperson. Yuck.

Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites | July 28, 2010 12:30 PM

@vanharris:

What he said looks pretty much okay to me.

Except for the self-centredness of it all. Read it and tell me what it says about her. Now read it and tell me what it says about him. He might as well have sent them a framed portrait of himself.

He should have kept it to himself, though. Most men do.

Wrong. Writing it is okay. Calling up a buddy and crying over beers about how she's the one who got away is okay. Booking an appointment with Dr. Nussbaum is okay. Publishing this is just a selfish attempt to guilt the bride and embarrass the groom. Guess what all the guests are going to be talking about among themselves? Certainly not how happy they look. "Did you see the column by her ex?"

At my last job there was a fellow who told all, & it just didn't seem to be right. Sexist? Yes, but that's how it is, usually. It's not that men don't have feelings, but most of us keep them to ourselves - quite rightly too.

Like lots of guys, I'm bad with my feelings too, and I seem to have two settings: TMI and TLI. Because I'm not good at it doesn't mean there aren't healthy outlets that I have to remind myself to explore.

Posted by: opheliagonemad | July 28, 2010 12:35 PM

Ah, just what any reasonable woman (or man) wants as a wedding gift: a Nice Guy rant from her ex on how she made a huge mistake leaving him and that if only, if only she'd come back, he'd fulfill her wildest fantasies of being someone's blank template/love/obsession object without desires or feelings of her own by someone who uses their years-ago relationship as cause to resent all other women who aren't having sex with, marrying, or having children with him, either. Posted publicly. To be read by people who are so concerned with other people sex/love lives and reproductive status that they will see this rant as "sweet" and praiseworthy.

I know I totally want to find this guy now so I can be his next blank template/object of obsession. And by this guy, I mean a stiff drink and a shower with which to wash away the creepy.

Posted by: aynsavoy | July 28, 2010 12:40 PM

Just ran over here to post his colleague's response to find that Brownian beat me to it @6. It's a good read. Best bit:

A kinder colleague than I suggested that his column was the equivalent of Dustin Hoffman, in "The Graduate," running into the church to yell, "Elaine!" I humbly submit that his wedding day appreciation is in fact the equivalent of Andrew Cohen running into the church and yelling, "Andrew!"

Posted by: pasadena beggar | July 28, 2010 12:41 PM

opheliagonemad@#13

What you said.

Posted by: Celtic_Evolution | July 28, 2010 12:45 PM

I'm not sure I've ever felt the strange combination of emotions I have from reading this, all at once. It's an unsettling mixture of sympathy and revulsion.

If there were a way to give this guy a hug from a safe distance I'd do it. Then I'd refer him to a therapist and demand that he stay as far away from any woman I know or care about.

Grief is a motherfucker, no doubt. And heartbreak can cripple you emotionally. Many of us have at least felt, on some level, what this guy is feeling. And we all have different ways of coping.

We write songs and poems, we listen to music, we brood, we sulk, we heal... we move on.

What we don't do is put our private pain on public display, and blindside unknowing and innocent others into having their private lives put in display to comfort your own sense of self-pity.

So, Andy, buddy... here's a hug, dude... now go get some help you creepy weirdo.

Posted by: Cerberus, unnatural product of en-OMnomnom-ification | July 28, 2010 12:48 PM

Impregnation as a form of dominance (i.e. keeping X women trapped with ME, ME, ME), comes up a LOT, among various Nice Guy TM and conservative male posts.

And I always keep that well in mind when the same types of people inevitably have anti-choice views supposedly because they just love babies so much, but this viewpoint keeps coming up.

The part I really focus on is the one's who tend to be the most fanatical on the lines end up having the "traumatic past" of "I impregnated her and she had the gall not to stay with me forever."

I'd feel better if this particular strain of men didn't seem to view pregnancy and children as some form of weapon against women, limiting their options or as pawns to be used in passive-aggressive treatises like this.

And I know many men would feel the same, especially with all the men who don't like how men get extra scrutiny in things like custody because of the high incidence of that asshole shade of men who view children as pawns and weapons against women.

That all said, this post just makes me feel all sorts of wretched.

Cause, in the least proud moment of my life, I did something like this. I was back in high school, I still thought I was male, and I was a moron, wrapped in my privilege. As such I ruined a woman's final yearbook with a long rambling "be happy" semi-stalkerish bit. I know it didn't make her feel good and while I felt bad at the time, it took finding feminism to really understand how hurtful and offside my actions were.

Of course, I was just a dumb-ass kid then, not a nationally syndicated writer exploiting a national microphone and I had at least enough sense to make it a private letter, albeit one in an inappropriate place with her having no ability to get rid of it easily, rather than a publicly trumpeted passive-aggressive weapon.

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't really have much sympathy for what my dumbass younger self did, I really don't have sympathy for this stalkery grown man and his passive-aggresive guilt trip of a wedding present.

Yeah, I have no idea why she didn't marry him and now didn't invite him to her wedding.

Posted by: Rob | July 28, 2010 12:48 PM

I've been there, a broken heart can make people do some pretty screwed up things. I've got a few from 20 years ago that still regularly make me cringe....

Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites | July 28, 2010 12:50 PM

It gets better. He wrote a response to Lizzie Skurnick for the column I linked to in #6:

Dear Lizzie:
I won't embarrass you further (than you've already embarrassed yourself) by responding in public to your shrewish little column. I took down the Tweet because I realized it made me appear to be like you-nasty and hostile and spoiling for a fight. That's not me.
The first time I read your piece I was upset. The second time I read it I realized you've spent the last 20 years or so looking (and failing, evidently) to find someone or something in a relationship. And the third time I read it I realized why that was. To spend so much time and energy and apparent relish being so bitter and judgmental about someone you don't know and a relationship you know nothing about: How sad for you. Me? I take comfort in the thousands of people, men and women, who took the column at face value and saw it in the better angels of our nature, who didn't project their own failures and insecurities upon it, and who were kind and compassionate instead of… well, instead of like you.
-Andrew

Why are people defending this assclown? Look, I can commiserate: I had my heart broken, and I said a lot of the same things Andrew said about my ex, minus the sweet and scaling up the bitter and angry. (In my limited defense I was in my early 20s, not a washed up divorcee with a column.) I know what emotion does to men like him, and like me. But having been that person, I've got a pretty good sense about when it's not you, it's me. And Andrew, as much as you like to think you've learned to love again through her or whatever, you're a vain, narcissistic misogynist. It couldn't be more you.

Find thyself a good shrink.

Posted by: Classical Cipher | July 28, 2010 12:54 PM

What Celtic said. I couldn't get even a few sentences in without being too sad to continue, but I'm also nauseated by how inappropriate and oblivious and passive-aggressive this is. Yeah... I'm heading back to the Endless Thread.

Posted by: Dhorvath, OM | July 28, 2010 12:55 PM

Oh wow. The editor thought this was ok as well? How could nobody in the office have said "this is not fair, appropriate, or loving."

Posted by: Ray Moscow | July 28, 2010 12:56 PM

Writing this in a private journal would be OK, a healthy way to express some confused and perhaps fucked-up emotions without hurting anyone. Maybe sharing it with a therapist would be appropriate, if he has the money and needs to tell someone.

Sending it to her privately would be creepy manipulation, but at least she could just burn the letter and be done with him, remembering why breaking up with him turned out to be a really good idea.

Publishing it is just fucked up.

Posted by: circleh | July 28, 2010 1:01 PM

This guy is the most self-centered wimp I've ever seen. Shame on him for his self-serving crap.

Fortunately, another columnist replied to him brilliantly.
http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/07/26/how-not-to-congratulate-your-ex-on-her-wedding-day/

Posted by: Walton, Marquis of Carabas | July 28, 2010 1:03 PM

vanharris

At my last job there was a fellow who told all, & it just didn't seem to be right. Sexist? Yes, but that's how it is, usually. It's not that men don't have feelings, but most of us keep them to ourselves - quite rightly too.

I strongly disagree. The shape of a person's genitalia has nothing to do with whether it's okay to share one's emotions and talk about things. Forcing men to keep painful feelings bottled up because "that's how men are supposed to behave" is very, very damaging. Each person has a different response to emotional pain, and people should not be criticised for not conforming to gender stereotypes.

Granted, sharing this in a newspaper column was a stupid and selfish thing to do. But that doesn't mean you're entitled to say that he should have "kept it to himself". There would be nothing wrong with talking to family, friends or a therapist, say, about these kinds of painful emotions.

Posted by: Acronym Jim | July 28, 2010 1:07 PM

The comic posted on the same page is unintentionally and strangely appropriate for sharing space with Cohen's love note.

Posted by: Weed Monkey | July 28, 2010 1:09 PM

That was creepy.

No way I'd blame him for thinking this way or writing it down, but to publish it as a wedding present is an insult, and most likely a deliberate one too.

Posted by: Walton, Marquis of Carabas | July 28, 2010 1:11 PM

Dear Lizzie: I won't embarrass you further (than you've already embarrassed yourself) by responding in public to your shrewish little column. I took down the Tweet because I realized it made me appear to be like you-nasty and hostile and spoiling for a fight. That's not me. The first time I read your piece I was upset. The second time I read it I realized you've spent the last 20 years or so looking (and failing, evidently) to find someone or something in a relationship. And the third time I read it I realized why that was. To spend so much time and energy and apparent relish being so bitter and judgmental about someone you don't know and a relationship you know nothing about: How sad for you.

Damn.

Okay, I just lost a lot of sympathy for this guy. One of the things I most hate - it tends to be a hallmark of very arrogant people - is when people, rather than responding to the substance of criticism, instead embark on amateur psychoanalysis of the person who's criticising them. "You only disagree with me because you're bitter and twisted / you haven't found love in your life / you have issues X and Y!!11!" It's deeply patronising.

And calling her column "shrewish" smacks of misogyny.

Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites | July 28, 2010 1:15 PM

I don't see how it is anyone's business, to be frank.

How what is anyone's business?

Posted by: Cerberus, unnatural product of en-OMnomnom-ification | July 28, 2010 1:18 PM

Walton @35

Strongly agree.

The "men aren't supposed to feel emotions" thing is one of the big ways "Sexism hurts men too" and often leads to areas where men somehow few themselves as unaffected by emotions while being led by the nose by them all because they have completely damaged their ability to cry.

Not to mention that bottled up emotions or viewing emotions as the enemy can lead to some nasty psychological effects, especially with regards to things that induce strong emotions in one and is often great prey for the patriarchy to reinforce nastier sexism or the like with the promise of "restoring the masculinity" lost by something that induces strong emotions.

It's not the emotions that lead to this that are the enemy here. It's the narcissism, the passive-aggressiveness, the national platform, the creepy "you would have stayed if I impregnated you" subtext, the deeply misogynist view of single women in general, etc...

One could reasonably argue that having these feelings really are the least of his problems.

Posted by: Celtic_Evolution | July 28, 2010 1:18 PM

I don't see how it is anyone's business, to be frank.

Then publishing it in a widely read column was probably a really bad idea.

Posted by: spiderxray | July 28, 2010 1:24 PM

Maybe its my gender stereotyping, this thing reminded me of junior high school and seeing a guy sitting on the floor in the hall crying like a baby. The desire to have nothing to do with him won over the desire to kick the snot out of him so he would man up and stop making the rest of us want to puke.

Posted by: Bill Dauphin, avec fromage | July 28, 2010 1:25 PM

Cerberus:

The "men aren't supposed to feel emotions" thing is one of the big ways "Sexism hurts men too"

Did you by any chance see Greta Christina's recent post on ways sexism hurts men? (I'd link to it if I weren't at work, where most such stuff is blocked.)

BTW to all of you who are on Facebook: If you haven't friended Greta Christina yet, what the hell are you waiting for? Her stuff will be the best thing in your feed most days.

Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites | July 28, 2010 1:26 PM

"I won't embarrass you further (than you've already embarrassed yourself) by responding in public to your shrewish little column."

"Bitches like you are exactly what I'm fucking talking about, you New York sell-out. That's why my ex should be with ME!"

Posted by: tsig0 | July 28, 2010 1:28 PM

What a whiny, passive-aggressive wimp.

Posted by: Moggie | July 28, 2010 1:30 PM

#46:

My thought exactly. Where was the Politics Daily editor and why did they let this piece disgrace their website? Or is Andrew Cohen so important for them that they can't refuse him anything?

If he was important before, perhaps he won't be so for much longer. Who could read an Andrew Cohen column in future without thinking "yeah, but aren't you that creepy dude with epically poor judgment?" Who knows, maybe the editor wanted rid of him...

Posted by: ThatOtherGuy | July 28, 2010 1:32 PM

Um. Did anybody else notice that the word "poison" in the original article is faintly underlined in hi-liter yellow?

Unsettling as HELL, as if the original wasn't already.

Posted by: raven | July 28, 2010 1:38 PM

I've been there, a broken heart can make people do some pretty screwed up things.

I've got a few from 20 years ago that still regularly make me cringe....

You aren't the only one. Life should come with an instruction manual but it doesn't. Everyone ends up writing their own.

Andrew Cohen, whoever that is, has done the public a valuable service. Figure out what he is doing, what it means, and make sure you never, ever follow in his footsteps. An outstanding, world class example of what not to do.

Posted by: Ray Moscow | July 28, 2010 1:43 PM

Cohen's late father would probably be denying that such worthless seed ever sprang from his loins.

Posted by: johnlil#0a224 | July 28, 2010 1:47 PM

Jebus, if you've got to pour your heart out, go ahead and do it. But don't wait until she's about to marry another guy.
I think the new husband is fully justified in knocking this guy's teeth out, if he has any.

Posted by: Moggie | July 28, 2010 1:48 PM

Cohen should just have written a song.

Posted by: Cerberus, unnatural product of en-OMnomnom-ification | July 28, 2010 1:52 PM

Ol' Greg @52

Yup, Nice Guy TM.

I'm such a Nice Guy, see all my friends think I'm a Nice Guy. How dare you not be everything I wanted you to be. Don't I deserve it? I was such a Nice Guy. How could you refuse? Are you one of those bitches, like those other women? I bet you only like Bad Guys. I can be a Bad Guy, I can be the Baddest Guy around if you don't start worshipping me like the Nice Guy I am.

Why are you running away, are you trying to hurt me? Why are you hurting me? I'm such a Nice Guy.

And his response to his colleague could be summed up much better like this:

"You gave me way too much credit and I'll never forgive you for that."

Posted by: gussnarp | July 28, 2010 2:00 PM

This is the kind of thing you write when you're 18, not when you're forty something. I'd advise Mr. Cohen to grow up, but since he hasn't done so by now, it would better to advise him to seek professional help.

Posted by: Hurin, Nattering Nabob of Negativism. | July 28, 2010 2:08 PM

Ew.

Its the hideous train wreck that I continue to look at by virtue of morbid fascination.

I can empathize with the emotions that led Mr. Cohen to write this article, but why the hell did he publish it? It would have made a great journal entry, and he could have shared it with his therapist and maybe some other close confidants, and avoided embarrassing himself, and everyone else involved.

Posted by: chaos-engineer | July 28, 2010 2:10 PM

Um. Did anybody else notice that the word "poison" in the original article is faintly underlined in hi-liter yellow?

Yes, I saw that...at first I thought it was just a horribly misplaced Intellitext ad and clicking on it would take you to a page where you could buy rat poison. Then I noticed that you couldn't click on it. If you do a "view source", it looks like it's generated from a plugin from thebrowserhighlighter.com.

As far as I can tell, he posted this on a personal blog at beta.blogsmith.aol.com, and used his plug-in to highlight the word "poison" for some reason. Then he realized he was up against a deadline so he just saved the whole web page as a file and shipped it off to politicsdaily, and then they published it unchanged.

Like other people have said, a good editor would have spotted some of these problems.

Posted by: Dae | July 28, 2010 2:24 PM

Brownian, the other article you linked (#6) was a good sum-up. Particularly this:

Rule 2. Wedding. Yes, this rule is just called "Wedding." Do you want to know why? Well, first, because if there's anything you want to do that involves anything to do with your ex's wedding, or even the word "wedding" at all, I can advise you immediately that you should almost definitely not do it.

This is just such a disgusting "LOOK AT ME! YOU LOVED ME FIRST" attention-whore move. It definitely has little to do with the woman herself.

Posted by: AssassinGrl | July 28, 2010 2:35 PM

I'm not sure why he should be embarrassed about the cliché that she made him want to be a better man, when he wasn't embarrassed by the dozen or so previous clichés that he spewed out in the trite, maudlin piece of narcissistic crap.

Posted by: Kraid | July 28, 2010 2:50 PM

Wow, that article is like a train wreck that just keeps wrecking. Truly spectacular.

And all that passive-aggressive whimpering is his wedding gift to her?! What a catch!

Posted by: Kaessa | July 28, 2010 3:10 PM

Wow, psycho stalker much?

As a one on one, or between friends, it's one thing... but as a public column? Creepy. If I were her, I'd probably be getting a restraining order about now.

Posted by: Don1 | July 28, 2010 3:20 PM

@Bill #51

Greta Christina is the definitely the bee's knees.

I agree with all those who have wondered how anyone who remotely calls themself his friend could have let him do this. Whatever he was before, he is now going to be 'That creepy guy with the whiney wedding thing.'

Great Bill Bailey link. I was more charitably thinking of

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHOf3s70w-c&feature=related

But yours was better.

Posted by: sydneycarton | July 28, 2010 3:33 PM

What this guy needs is a male friend who can be like: "Cohen. Don't you dare publish that. I know you want to, but you are going to regret it later." I have one of those friends. It's nice.

Posted by: Brianblackberry | July 28, 2010 4:03 PM

I can understand his feelings of heartbreak and likely self-doubt, and perhaps with the idea of even writing it all out. However doing it this publicly just comes off as a creepy "what about meeeee" article that just serves to attempt to overshadow an otherwise wonderful occasion.

Posted by: Kaessa | July 28, 2010 4:11 PM

I really feel sorry for her. Can you imagine, whenever her wedding comes up in the future, there will always be that thought, "Remember that creepy article her ex posted that day?"

I wonder if that was his intention.

Posted by: gilraenthecat#916d1 | July 28, 2010 4:13 PM

Does anyone remember the XKCD cartoon where (I assume) Randall Munroe stood up at his ex-girlfriend's wedding and talked about how the happy couple would never again have that wonderful first-time "wow" experience again?

This situation reminded me of that, but Munroe (assuming he was talking about himself) did it in person.

Scary, rude, self-centered, angry.

Posted by: jcmartz.myopenid.com | July 28, 2010 4:19 PM

Hamas targets women's underwear in modesty drive

Posted by: mevans.london | July 28, 2010 4:42 PM

I love some of the comments

brentprim
How Beautiful - and loving, generous, gracious of you to wish this lady a happy life on the day of her marriage to someone else. May you be blessed with the same kind of love - and next time, grab it, don't let go.

You really shouldn't encourage this stalker, brentprim. He'll read "grab it, don't let go" and think duct tape and a chloroform soaked rag!

This article is one of the creepiest things I've ever read. Someone alert the police.

Posted by: Acronym Jim | July 28, 2010 4:52 PM

With apologies to Carly Simon:

You're so vain, you probably think this song is her wedding's about you You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is her wedding's about you.

Don't you? Don't you?

You had her several years ago when she was still quite naive
Well you said that you made such a pretty pair
and that you would never leave

But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was her.
She had some dreams they were clouds in her coffee, clouds in her coffee and....

You're so vain, you probably think this song is her wedding's about you.....

Posted by: DesertHedgehog | July 28, 2010 4:54 PM

Well, it lacks the drama of finding out where they'll be spending their honeymoon, getting there first, and kiling yourself in the bridal suite so that they find you when the grrom carries the new bride to the bedroom...but it does have a certain charm.

And one does think about Marianne Faithfull singing "Why'd Ya Do It?"--- by far the best post-break-up fuck-you song ever....

Posted by: mahow9 | July 28, 2010 5:20 PM

Creepy, scary, and only understandable if you are a teenager. Hell, it reminded me of the letters I wrote when I was 16. And I'm embarrased about being reminded of them.

The only one of my ex's I'm still in regular contact with is the mother of my son, and I'm happy she's now met a man better for her than I was. We are still very close friends, to the point where I'm Godfather to their daughter together.

Posted by: opheliagonemad | July 28, 2010 5:53 PM

104:

It's not really a choice between Cohen and Mel Gibson. They're just two different ways that the same problem has manifested: The attitude that, in a relationship, the man is the one who decides whether or not the relationship is over, the man is the one whose desires matter more. That it is a personal affront to a man if a woman is happy without him, or just doesn't maintain the constant appearance of happiness just by being in his presence. That being anything other than what he wants her to be is ingratitude, an insult.

Those two are cut from the same cloth of entitlement and male privilege. So no, I don't feel any better.

Posted by: hermetically sealed | July 28, 2010 6:35 PM

I guess this is our last goodbye
And you don't care, so I wont cry
But you'll be sorry when I'm dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
I guess you'd call it suicide
But I'm too full to swallow my pride

I can't I can't I can't stand losing
I can't I can't I can't stand losing
I can't I can't I can't stand losing
I can't I can't I can't stand losing
I can't I can't I can't stand losing
I can't stand losing you

Posted by: prosfilaes | July 28, 2010 6:58 PM

Of course the editor didn't object; how many page hits did it get?

Posted by: Benjamin "pardon my French" Geiger | July 28, 2010 7:49 PM

Wow. This guy makes me feel halfway competent and sane.

Posted by: shaxanth27 | July 28, 2010 8:51 PM

I think maybe Cohen was getting drunk and listening to this:

http://www.youtube.co/watch?v=wWaFPwykvEM&feature=fvw

while he was writing?

They sure fit well together.

Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau | July 28, 2010 9:01 PM

See and I kept thinking of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aRKZFR5imM

Posted by: Jules, Bride of Death | July 28, 2010 9:18 PM

shaxanth27
Thanks for reminding me of that song. I've always loved it--ever since the day an ex angrily gave it to me on a mix CD. Most passive-aggressive boyfriend ever.

Ol'Greg
Love.

Here's my contribution to the Andrew Cohen break-up mix tape:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCov0TYXBp8

Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau | July 28, 2010 9:37 PM

I also love that song now! LOL

It totally should be on the Cohen self pity mix tape :P

Oh Steve Albini I love you.

Posted by: Benjamin "pardon my French" Geiger | July 28, 2010 10:01 PM

The songs I use tend to be a little less subtle.

Posted by: Jules, Bride of Death | July 28, 2010 10:45 PM

Here's my usual ex dismissal song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GJxw8kZrbc

Posted by: elzoog | July 28, 2010 11:09 PM

"so he wrote her a 'wedding gift', a publicly published, soppy opinion piece on how wonderful she is and how much she's hurting him by spurning his deep, stalkerish obsession with her."

Sounds like something Edward would do to Bella if she were to marry Jacob instead of him.

Posted by: j-brisby | July 29, 2010 12:26 AM

It kind of reminds me of that Avril Lavigne song 'Slipped Away'. It's supposed to be about her dead grandpa, but contains not one bit of information about him. It's just 'me me me' over and over.

Posted by: paulmurray | July 29, 2010 12:54 AM

@88 I was going to suggest that he could have written "You oughtta know" by Alanis Morissette.

I love that song! I love the line "and are you thinking of me when you fuck her?" Every time I hear it play, I mentally reply - or out loud, if there are people present - "Why, no! I was thinking of me!"

Posted by: Rey Fox, Bird Caller Guy | July 29, 2010 1:27 AM

"I look around but it’s you I can’t replace"

Huh. Always sounded to me like "I look around, but it's Newhart every place." Which I guess means he really likes that guy.

Posted by: jafafahots | July 29, 2010 1:42 AM

come to think of it, rather than cleansing the palate, instead the relationship to this context might just serve to make Leonard Cohen seem undeservedly creepy.

Oh well. There's one way to be heartbroken and another way to be heartbroken. I like Cohen's better.

Posted by: jafafahots | July 29, 2010 2:08 AM

hmmm. Leonard Cohen a churl? I guess I'm not all that familiar with his music. Or his life or reputation.

Posted by: John Morales | July 29, 2010 2:12 AM

jafafahots, nor do I.

Thus, "by that standard".

Posted by: jafafahots | July 29, 2010 2:17 AM

OK, now I'm getting really confused... I don't know what the "nor" refers to. I'm too tired.
Its made worse by the fact that I said "I prefer Cohen's" rather than "I prefer Leonard Cohen's," because in my fatigue I'd forgotten that the creepy letter was by Andrew Cohen and for some reason was thinking it was by Andrew Sullivan.

Feh. brainz.

Posted by: skeptifem | July 29, 2010 2:43 AM

I blogged about this. It is a perfect example of dudely self absorption- of the male egotism that society allows. This is a successful man, who had his shitty self centered attitude his whole career and got by anyway. You can fucking bet that having that much confidence in myself means that there are tons of dudes just waiting to put me in my place with gendered humiliation. I would never get anywhere with this dudes attitude. Not that it is fair to dudes for them to think so highly of themselves, the sense of balance that we all deserve is undermined one way or the other. Right now dudes get too hearty a dose of egotism and ladies too little. I blame the patriarchy, that's for damn sure.

Posted by: jafafahots | July 29, 2010 2:57 AM

OK Thanks John.

I normally wouldn't have embedded it, in fact wasn't going to... but I hadn't read the whole thread and just saw where people were sharing songs, and saw one embedded and presumed (incorrectly) that others had also, so I went ahead and did it... figuring the thread was kind of ending and scrolling off the front anyway, and others were doing it... not realizing that the embedded video above mine was not only the only one, but was also completely pointless clutter.

Should have gone with my first instinct.

Posted by: desertfroglet | July 29, 2010 4:07 AM

Andrew Cohen:

I was nearly 40 and had been dating off and on for two years following an unexpected divorce.

Yeah. That's kind of a hint right there.

Posted by: psycholist | July 29, 2010 7:03 AM

This Cohen story reminded me of video that some guy made, presumably to convince his ex to come back. Because he can carry rocks and stuff.

Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites | July 29, 2010 10:29 AM

@psycholist #147

Loren's response:

"Hmph. I'm not dating any guy who doesn't know enough to lift with his legs and not his back."

Posted by: DrivingAnalytical | July 29, 2010 10:49 AM

I see at least *two* women who made the right choice here: don't forget that hist first wife dumped him too! It was an 'unexpected' divorce...

Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau | July 29, 2010 12:21 PM

Sili... do you mean you might feel something like that or that if you had a syndicated column you'd take the opportunity to call out your ex like that? Because there's a big difference.

I think a lot of people might *have* some of those feelings. I have felt some really stupid and irrational things in my day (like as in... TOday), and it takes work not to let them mess up your decisions. Emotions affect us. It's just a part of the human experience. But you have to hang on to those little rational voices that tell you to walk away until you get control of yourself, or like... dude don't put that in your newspaper column!

Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline. | July 29, 2010 2:04 PM

Sili... do you mean you might feel something like that

or that if you had a syndicated column you'd take the opportunity to call out your ex like that? Because there's a big difference.

Posted by: Andyo | July 30, 2010 3:07 AM

Just saw the Running Wilde trailer (from Mitch Hurwitz of Arrested Development fame). This thread came to mind when I heard:

- I am gonna make you a better man.

- Not if I can make you a worse woman first.

Looks like a fun comedy.