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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil.
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More articles by PZ Myers can be found on Freethoughtblogs at the new Pharyngula!
Category: Academics • Personal
Posted on: September 7, 2010 10:44 AM, by PZ Myers
I'm about to enter a classroom for the first time in over a year. I feel a strange dread that I've forgotten how to teach.
OK, I'm back. I survived. No students passed out. I think it was OK, although it was made more difficult by the fact that it involved a transition from one instructor to another.
Now to do it again this afternoon.
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denialism blog 02.14.2012
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Comments
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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September 7, 2010 10:49 AM
Just picture the students as invisible, and pretend that you're blogging...
Glen Davidson
Posted by: austinfilm
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September 7, 2010 10:49 AM
Remember "The Elephant's Nightmare" from The Far Side...
Posted by: dpattersonmonroe
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September 7, 2010 10:50 AM
Don't worry, it's just like riding a bike.
Although, I have to say this strikes me as strangely akin to the anxiety dreams many adults have of their school days where we are going in to take a final and have forgotten what the class is for!! :-)
Posted by: Ivar Husa
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September 7, 2010 10:51 AM
We know you have the heart for it.
Posted by: chassoto
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September 7, 2010 10:52 AM
Are you wearing pants?
Posted by: umkomasia
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September 7, 2010 10:57 AM
Just tell them that the answer to almost every question in biology is some version of "protection" and/or "reproduction.
Posted by: seanjreynolds
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September 7, 2010 10:57 AM
Having never recieved a uni level education I must ask, does crappy Blink-182 style music play as all the cool kids skateboard to class on the first day? Pretty sure I've seen that in several of your American documentaries.
Posted by: jackal.eyes
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September 7, 2010 10:58 AM
Ha, my dad went through that same anxiety every September during his 30+ year teaching career.
Posted by: Mattir-ritated
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September 7, 2010 10:59 AM
Why would you have forgotten how to teach? You haven't forgotten how to learn, and in my experience knowing how to (and enjoying) learning is the best predictor of teaching ability.
Have fun (and yes, remember the pants - only homeschoolers get to go to school in their pajamas).
Posted by: Iris
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September 7, 2010 11:03 AM
You've taught me something nearly every day for the last year, so it's highly unlikely you've just today forgotten how to do it. :)
Posted by: Capital Dan
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September 7, 2010 11:04 AM
That's okay. There's a pretty good chance your students have forgotten how to learn.
You have to send a message, PZ. You have to walk into that classroom, crack the whip, make them weep and wail in agony and crush them all.
Posted by: Tabby Lavalamp
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September 7, 2010 11:10 AM
Whatever you do, don't forget to ask each student their religion then automatically flunk all the Christians. Because, you know, that's what your hysterical critics think you do anyway.
Posted by: Katharine
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September 7, 2010 11:10 AM
If all your notes are organized and you know what you're teaching (and the latter I'm confident you know about), it doesn't strike me as being too hard.
Posted by: Doodle Bean
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September 7, 2010 11:13 AM
@Katharine #13,
So I take it you've never taught! :o)
PZ, Relax. You'll do well.
Posted by: Amenhotepstein
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September 7, 2010 11:17 AM
PZ, you teach here every day, and usually in front of a far tougher audience.
Now get out there and teach the shit out of 'em!
Posted by: bbgunn071679
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September 7, 2010 11:23 AM
At 50+ years old and as a former student, student teacher and instructor, I still have nightmares that I show up for class in my underwear. What's even sadder is that no one seems to notice.
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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September 7, 2010 11:23 AM
Hell, I have no clue how to teach in the first place, and the still let me do it.
As I keep saying: So what if we lose a generation or two - the world still needs garbage collectors.
Posted by: te24hours
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September 7, 2010 11:25 AM
It comes back fast.
Posted by: te24hours
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September 7, 2010 11:29 AM
@7: yes. That is precisely what happens. Also, we frequently have to arm ourselves with sticks to beat away the nubile co-eds determined to trade oral sex for elevated grades.
Posted by: Traffic Demon
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September 7, 2010 11:34 AM
Knock 'em dead!
Posted by: Rutee, Shrieking Harpy of Dooooom
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September 7, 2010 11:35 AM
Sucks to be you! Oh HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO
At least you have a job, seriously.
Posted by: Steve LaBonne
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September 7, 2010 11:36 AM
For years after I stopped teaching I occasionally had the professor version of that dream- I was assigned to teach a course but didn't find out about it until the first meeting was already supposed to have taken place. Never failed to wake me up in a cold sweat. ;)
Posted by: Qwerty
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September 7, 2010 11:43 AM
I have the unprepared for the exam dream, but what amazes me is that I can dream up questions for which I don't know the answer!
Posted by: R. Schauer
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September 7, 2010 11:47 AM
Carpe Diem, PZ! I dearly miss the classroom at this time of year. Just remember to take your meds for that newly-repaired ticker of yours...I'm sure all else will fall into place nicely.
Posted by: hyperdeath
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September 7, 2010 11:50 AM
Just teach them physics. Everything else is derivative.
*ducks for cover*
Posted by: masturbating monkey
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September 7, 2010 11:54 AM
When in doubt give a shout…
…and fling some feces.
Posted by: Antiochus Epiphanes
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September 7, 2010 12:04 PM
Just remember to act like a genius and a dancing bear simultaneously.
Posted by: biffalobuff
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September 7, 2010 12:07 PM
Just don't have a heart attack!
Posted by: k-dub
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September 7, 2010 12:07 PM
Having never been a teacher, I don't have any advice for you, though I can't imagine you'll have much problem. What I find hard to understand is how did the year go by so quick? Seems like I first found your blog not long before you began your sabbatical, and now it's over. They grow up so fast!
P.S. Does this mean the book is finished?
Posted by: Zeno
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September 7, 2010 12:10 PM
It's like riding a bicycle: your fingers cramp and your butt gets sore.
Posted by: RBH
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September 7, 2010 12:16 PM
I recently went back to do a bit of part-time professing after a 20 year hiatus and my first class jitters were unwarranted: The kids helped me to a chair and then amused themselves until I was able to stand unaided.
Posted by: squealpiggy
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September 7, 2010 12:26 PM
If you look down and realise that you're completely naked then it's probably a dream.
Probably.
Posted by: PZ Myers
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September 7, 2010 12:34 PM
Pants?!??
Why couldn't you have reminded me before the class started?
Posted by: Eric Dutton
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September 7, 2010 12:35 PM
I'm glad it went well. This is only my fourth semester as a teacher. I begin every semester with a sense of dread that I never knew how to teach. I'm starting to settle into the idea that I'm going to feel like that every semester for the rest of my life.
Posted by: blf
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September 7, 2010 12:37 PM
You're going to an actual room that has actual students in it? That's your mistake. You should be lecturing in Room 12B.†
† Or is it 2B? I can't recall. It's the lecture hall no-one can find at UU, is not on any map, and which is therefore a very popular place both to give and listen-to lectures. Several classes are often held there simultaneously.
Posted by: gould1865
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September 7, 2010 12:37 PM
In a way you have. Since you did know, the temptation will be to do as you have before, imitation, which should be shunned because it lacks the vibrant immediacy, which lack will probably come through to the hearers. I would keep in mind that these students have never heard this stuff before, mostly all new to them, and then it can be new to you as well. But I would think you could do more, for yourself.
I suggest changing something from the old approach, you would have to choose what. For examples, include the importance of the contribution of John Gould, ornithologist, to Darwin on his finches, you know what it shows, or change something physical. Do you have enough authority to survive sitting down with the students, or would standing on the desk be better? :) Or can you darken the room to just a spotlight where you want, you in or you out? Anything fresh and new to you. It's all fresh and new to them.
I know those who have stood on the desk and have sat in their own audience -- (poor students!). :) Neither is for everybody.
In any case they will say you have a good heart.
I guess the 15 minutes is gone now, and you have only to expect the next class later. Good luck in all, and mayhap you not need it more than a minute.
Posted by: Eric Dutton
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September 7, 2010 12:40 PM
PZ wrote:
Why couldn't you have reminded me before the class started?
Bottomless biology? Mmmm!
Posted by: Eric Dutton
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September 7, 2010 12:43 PM
^
|
|
Blockquote fail.
Posted by: hyperdeath
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September 7, 2010 12:44 PM
You need to shower more.
Posted by: Carlie of the lacy, gently wafting adjectives
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September 7, 2010 12:46 PM
Wow, high horse much? How do you have any idea how PZ teaches?
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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September 7, 2010 12:50 PM
PZ,
It's just like riding a bicycle...
...blindfolded, on a narrow board over a tank filled with piranha and with snipers shooting at you.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/DhjBEuJ8pt63x6eBKuPx0Jv9_QE-#7c327
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September 7, 2010 12:54 PM
My 53-year-old wife, after taking a few online courses to get her teaching certificate, just started teaching last week after a lifetime in a newspaper newsroom. (If you don't understand why she's getting out of the newspaper business, you haven't been reading, well, the news.)
I have a bad habit of feeling other people's anxieties. I figure I'll be drinking like one of those swimmy finned animals for the next three weeks.
Of course, I've been doing that for the past 40 years anyway, so I think I'll cope. But seriously, she's a mess. I sympathize. But she'll get over it and so will you.
Posted by: Primal Curve
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September 7, 2010 12:56 PM
I'm into my second year studying Science Education (albeit Chemistry and Physics). I'm staring down the barrel of about 3 more years of study before I am certified.
And I'm not even sure if I'm going to be a good teacher.
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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September 7, 2010 1:05 PM
Well, if you freeze, just tell them to write an essay on what they did last summer. Or maybe in your case, have them write on essay on how they evolved.
Glen Davidson
Posted by: Randomfactor
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September 7, 2010 1:05 PM
After your long absence, a short stent in the classroom will do you a world of good.
Posted by: scooterKPFT
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September 7, 2010 1:09 PM
I was going to say something, but it's too late.
Posted by: Eric Dutton
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September 7, 2010 1:15 PM
I started teaching as a graduate student studying creative writing. My training consisted of a two-hour orientation, during which I was given a handbook to peruse at my leisure, and a "good luck." Seventeen hours later, I was welcoming my students to their first day of English Composition 101. I love doing it, but I've always wished I'd had more training. My point is that if you've studied education, you'll be much more qualified than many of the teachers that first-year college students encounter.Posted by: cuco3
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September 7, 2010 1:15 PM
Just so long as you haven't forgotten how to grade.
Posted by: hznfrst
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September 7, 2010 1:19 PM
Squealpiggy #32, thanks for starting out my day with a good laugh.
This naked-in-public dream is fairly common. As Barney Fife would say, "I wonder what causes that?" (cue the squeaky voice)
Posted by: pjsouza
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September 7, 2010 1:27 PM
DAMN! I've opened PZ's Facebook instead of Scienceblogs...
Posted by: gould1865
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September 7, 2010 1:33 PM
@ Carlie # 40
Fuck off, asshole. I say just what I want here and don't give a damn what you think of it.
Posted by: darvolution proponentsist
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September 7, 2010 1:47 PM
Where exactly is "here" ?
The United States of Word Salad ?
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/SaqGVG0xvJEQVwURVamS3DTCdvov0BLhXK1jOsYPPJQ-#b4893
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September 7, 2010 1:58 PM
PZ, I'm sure you've heard this before, but in the unlikely event you haven't...
If you get to a point where you just don't feel up to going to the afternoon class, then don't.
At this point, a little selfishness might end up being warranted. You're still recovering.
(I regret having "come back too soon" during a couple of my own recoveries. Take it from someone who knows, it ain't worth it -- you end up doing no one any favors.)
MikeM
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmqD_mcUIrSfOTlK3iGVsnEDcZmI43srbI
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September 7, 2010 2:02 PM
I only taught a few semesters of adult continuing education at NYU.
I never reveled in the successes; only agonized at my inability to reach the under-achievers. Even though I got good marks from my student evaluations, I had to admit that I wasn't cut out for teaching.
Posted by: PZ Myers
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September 7, 2010 2:04 PM
No, I'm feeling fine, really I am. My major problem right now is simply the maintenance drugs they've got me on, which have me feeling like I'm driving my brain around with the emergency brake still on.
But otherwise, I had no heart attack, no damage at all, just an incipient serious problem that was corrected.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/SaqGVG0xvJEQVwURVamS3DTCdvov0BLhXK1jOsYPPJQ-#b4893
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September 7, 2010 2:04 PM
Hmmm. I thought the idea was to look for your totem.
(Apologies to those who haven't seen this year's best -- by far -- SciFi movie.)
MikeM
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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September 7, 2010 2:09 PM
Yay!
I'dv'e been most upset if your students had killed you - however inadvertently - after the scare you've just put us through.
(Why, yes, this is indeed all about me, me, ME, meeeeeeee.)
Posted by: Carlie of the lacy, gently wafting adjectives
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September 7, 2010 2:12 PM
You do know that other people read what you write in post comments, yes? And that anyone who reads the comments is allowed to express their own opinion of said comments? That's how blog commenting works.
In any case, I simply asked how you know PZ's teaching style, given that you are so bent on correcting what you seem to see as problems with his teaching style. You claim that his teaching style is imitative, that he doesn't do anything new in his classes, that he does the same thing ever semester and every year. So, how do you know this is what he does, and how are you so confident in that knowledge as to take a tasking tone of voice towards him? "But I would think you could do more, for yourself" is a pretty damning statement that assumes an awful lot. Do you treat everyone with that disdainful air of superiority, or only people on blogs?
Posted by: Katharine
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September 7, 2010 2:14 PM
Oh noes you've discovered my secret. :P Yes, I'm an undergrad.
But coming from my studenty perspective, it seems to me that a professor teaches much better if their lecture is highly structured with things on the board/powerpoint and visible lecture notes on their podium or table and whatever additional visual aids they need. If they are knowledgeable about the subject, which they ought to be if they are the professor (and if they weren't, I'd question why they were teaching the class), it seems like they can probably add a handful of extra material not already given from memory.
It does a really good job of firmly putting the material into people's heads, I think. It's very straightforward.
Of course I understand that a considerable amount of preparation goes into setting all this structure up, though. Very time-consuming to do it the first time, I hear. :P
Posted by: Silič O'Nopolitanopoulos, Färschdbischuf Beesknees aus Ulm und Klein Elguth, Elector Pharynguline.
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September 7, 2010 2:28 PM
Be careful when they release the brake.We can't have you turning into a Ham/Hovind-clone from the whiplash.
Posted by: Katharine
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September 7, 2010 3:00 PM
Translation: 'Waaaaah, I can't take criticism!'
Posted by: hyperdeath
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September 7, 2010 3:02 PM
PZ, can we have a sockpuppet check on "gould1865".
I can't help thinking that his next post is going to be a dubious personal anecdote involving Frank McCourt, followed by a demand for expensive photographic equipment.
Posted by: Jahoclave
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September 7, 2010 3:11 PM
If college students even noticed you weren't wearing pants I'd consider that an improvement. I could probably go in dressed as a squid and they'd be ignoring me within five minutes. Worse still, it's a computer classroom. I should probably just send out all instructions as a facebook message.
Posted by: Mattir-ritated
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September 7, 2010 3:16 PM
PZ, I hope your class went better than my earthworm dissection this afternoon. One student started crying when her mom dropped her off. Granted she was only 10, but it's pretty hard to interest a sobbing child in cutting open an earthworm to count the hearts.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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September 7, 2010 3:22 PM
nah, it's referencing the wrong Gould
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, Quel Dommage
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September 7, 2010 3:27 PM
That would have stopped my crying when I was 10.
Posted by: L. S.
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September 7, 2010 4:26 PM
It's good to hear that you're back in the classroom. I know of a few people that were worried that you might not be able to teach developmental biology, since you're the only one at UMM that could.
Posted by: gould1865
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September 7, 2010 4:51 PM
@ Carlie # 58 and a couple of others
My comment says "for examples." For people who can read that's clear enough. Obviously I don't know specifically how PZ teaches.
You with the mental agility of pole-vaulting slugs, if you are a professor you are stupid. If not, you are still stupid.
It is tiresome after PZ has written scintillating prose, to look in the comments and find banal misunderstanding repeated and repeated. It's why a lot of people don't read the comments I presume, so much shit is flying.
As to not taking criticism, the shoe is on the other foot. Just watch. Watch the hooting, what they understand. You already see the cowards trying to pile on. One coward already wants a banning. Watch who can't take criticism.
I'm not leaving, you yellow bellied chicken livered bullies. I'll be around. I enjoy reading PZ. I've written many thoughtful posts, and in this most recent I know exactly what I am talking about.
So fuck off. Meanwhile, you can moan and gnash your teeth when you realize the world is bigger than your narrow eyes.
What I have said does not apply to most Pharyngulites. But if the shoe fits wear it, you who claim to identify your enemies and don't know your friends. You are illustrative of what happens to liberals, try to gang up and tear apart anyone not exactly like yourself, internecine, then the conservatives have a cakewalk. You don't know your friends from your enemies, and your narrow judgment is wild.
But not this time. I, and on behalf of others, am telling you to fuck off. That's clear enough. It's something you can understand. Whether you back off will be your personal problem.
As you gag on your slug slime, you should read more closely and carefully for the benefit of all.
So you say that I should go light on you. I am going light on you.
Posted by: Steve LaBonne
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September 7, 2010 4:59 PM
Ooh, somebody takes himself VERY seriously. Yawn.
Posted by: Carlie of the lacy, gently wafting adjectives
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September 7, 2010 5:05 PM
Persecution complex clean-up in aisle #68.
Everything I quoted and asked you about were things you wrote before your "for examples", and your examples were on ways to change around lecturing, not examples of bad lecturing. By then you had already declared all the ways in which you thought PZ lectures badly, without any caveats or "for examples". Look, I'll even quote you so you don't have to go to the strenuous effort of scrolling back up the page.
Dude. You have to write what you mean. If you write something and then claim you said something entirely different, that doesn't work. It's still up there to go look at and compare. Not my fault if you're incapable of expressing an opinion, or of defending it once you've thrown it out there.
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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September 7, 2010 5:22 PM
Ooh, the bully doesn't like being bullied back. Has an attitude without cogency or introspection.Ooh, more bullying by the slimy bully-shitter. I'm just quaking in my Hush Puppies. Still waiting for something intelligent. Like goodbye.Posted by: Carlie of the lacy, gently wafting adjectives
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September 7, 2010 5:23 PM
Did anyone else besides me read that and hear it in the voice of Don Knotts?
Posted by: McCthulhu is taking ∞ to eat all the pi
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September 7, 2010 5:29 PM
PZ: Do you hum the Welcome Back Kotter theme before entering the classroom for the first time after the summer break? Hopefully not too many Sweathogs made it through the application process to get into your classroom.
Posted by: Carlie of the lacy, gently wafting adjectives
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September 7, 2010 5:36 PM
Mr. Kotter? I see PZ more as Johnny Fever Moore.
Posted by: csreid
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September 7, 2010 6:39 PM
For whatever reason, Foghorn Leghorn came to mind, but I like yours ever-so-much better.
Posted by: MadScientist
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September 7, 2010 6:47 PM
Did you manage to finish the book during your sabbatical leave? :P
Posted by: Porco Dio
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September 7, 2010 8:33 PM
hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm...... Cephalochordata for lunch...
Posted by: hje
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September 7, 2010 8:33 PM
The first week back from sabbatical is the hardest.
Posted by: JoeB
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September 7, 2010 8:54 PM
Ah, first day of a new academic year, the day after USain Labor Day. Just realized, my first such teaching day was exactly 50 years ago! Two and a half months later, I voted for John Kennedy. I taught exactly 25 years, so I have now been out of the (high school) classroom 25 years (did some grad school plus college teaching after retiring).
Haven't had the naked dream for a while, but if you stand just so and hold things just so, maybe nobody will notice; that's how it seems to work in my dreams.
I do still have dreams, or should I say nightmares, of standing in front of a new class, totally unprepared. I also have dreams of teaching, where I totally lose control. Scary.
While I was typing this, my wife's friend called; her son had his first day in the classroom today, teaching high school social studies (he's an English major), 37 kids in a class (maybe that's the maximum), five or six sections, of course. He is unhappy that he has to leave at 6:30 in the morning for his commute; our attitude: get a grip, we all did that for decades. Plus, that is going to be the least of your worries.
Posted by: thom.g.rob
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September 7, 2010 10:07 PM
I was in that class. It went well and I'm glad he's back.
Posted by: Crudely Wrott , Drinking Solo Since Death's Back On The Wagon
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September 7, 2010 10:54 PM
You are the teach, PZ
We are the learn.
You give the know.
We get the wiser.
You get the satisfy.
Well, we do too.
Can't beat it with a stick.
Posted by: ronsullivan
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September 7, 2010 10:55 PM
thom.g.rob @ #80, thanks! It's good to hear that.
Not that we had serious doubts, of course.
After I'd spent that scant decade in nursing, I started having a different version of the unprepared-for/can't-find-the-class dream. I'd dream that it was morning, change of shift, and I had a patient on my assignment list whom I'd completely forgotten and not even looked in on all night. It upped the ante a bit toward mortal fear and guilt.
Posted by: psycchick
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September 8, 2010 12:29 AM
Though you survived, will you be able to sleep after supporting the radical, liberal, homosexual, socialist, feminist, Darwinist agenda?
Posted by: Crudely Wrott , Drinking Solo Since Death's Back On The Wagon
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September 8, 2010 1:20 AM
If I were to answer your question, Psycchick, and if I were a down-east Mainer, I would say, "Eh-yup!" Then I'd go whistle and go fishin' in heaven.
*conspicuous wink*
Posted by: marcushill
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September 8, 2010 6:05 AM
I just did my first lecture of the academic year. I get a bit apprehensive before every lecture, and as soon as I'm standing up in front of the class the feeling disappears as I remember how much I enjoy teaching. And despite this, I still get a bit apprehensive before the next lecture!