Pharyngula

Happy Creation Day!

Daniel Phelps just reminded me that today is 23 October, the date that James Ussher, Church of Ireland Archbishop of Armagh and Primate of All Ireland, determined to be the very first day of creation in 4004 BCE. That makes the world 6013 years old today, in his chronology (if you’re adding it up at home, remember that there is no year 0).

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Keep in mind that you now have excuses to party almost all week. Tomorrow, you should celebrate the creation of heaven and Space Water. You knew the earth was a floaty in a watery universe, right? I think the appropriate celebration is to drink.

Monday, you can celebrate Oceans and Plants day. Garden or go to the shore. And drink.

Tuesday is Moon Day. It’s also Sun Day. It took god a few days, but he finally got around to creating the celestial bodies. This should be a day sacred to werewolves and anathema to vampires. Celebrate by voting for Team Jacob. And drinking.

Wednesday is birds and fish day. This is a day of sorrow, because all the cephalopods will be weeping at their neglect — they don’t even get a mention in the book, except for a later declaration that they are generically unclean. Either that or the clueless idjits who wrote the book considered squid to be fish, which is highly offensive. Celebrate by contemplating cephalopods and raising many toasts to them.

Thursday is “Aw, screw it, I’m done” day, in which you just give up on your work, throw it all together in a big pile, announce that it’s good enough, and ship it. Celebrate by going out for ribs and putting your drink on, ’cause you aren’t doing a thing tomorrow.

That’s the plan, get out and implement it. Alternatively, you could look at the document above and recognize that it’s all an awesome load of absurd blatherskite and just toss it all in the rubbish.

I’m kind of leaning towards the latter plan.