This ain’t gonna be free: the state guvmint is kickin’ in $37 million in tax incentives to help a gang of Bible-totin’ theocrats build a fancy Disneyland for ignoramuses. This is what it’s gonna look like, they think:
Lookie there: the centerpiece will be a genuwine, life-sized, full scale copy of Noah’s very own ark, all 300 cubits by 50 cubits by 30 cubits of it, and they say it’s gonna be built with materials and methods as close to possible as the ones in the Bible. Where they gettin’ gopherwood? And are they really gonna build it with handsaws and mallets and wooden pegs? That’s gotta be impressive, but it’s gonna be tough to git’r done by 2014.
But wait a consarned minute: it ain’t floatin’. And there’s no talk of stockin’ it with 8,000 pairs of animals, or however many they say there ought to be in there. I’ll give ‘em a pass on fillin’ it with dinosaurs (well, maybe not…some say they’re daid, but the folk at AiG say they’re just hidin’), but I want elephants and hippos and giraffes and sheep and pigs and cassowaries and kangaroos and rhinoceroses and monkeys and squirrels and everythin’ tucked in there, to give me the true and odoriferous varmint-rich Ark Experience.
They also claim this big ol’ project is going to make 900 jobs in Kentucky. I don’t believe it. Read your Bible. The original Ark did float, and it did carry a whole menagerie, and it only employed eight people. They’re cuttin’ corners here with their non-floatin’ critter-free ark, so I’m expectin’ they’ll hire six, at most. And that’s generous.
OK, and maybe a couple more to sell tickets, and a few more to hand out kewpie dolls at the booths, and sell cotton candy. But heck, you can just hire a bunch of carnies to do that, and they work cheap.
They’ll be especially cheap since Governor Beshears is workin’ hard to make sure the entire freakin’ state of Kentucky is populated with people qualified to work as carnies, and not much else. Yeehaw!