…and this is a 
Ah, screw it, I'm not even going to try to unravel this one.
Chose you from many Atheists on the marching band War...
Speaking with many about this act, "its" strange that these atheists would do this, when they spend months organizing their gays parades and atheists events no christians show up with a marching band playing drop your pants and bend over, they were offensive in this act while acting meekly obident to law and Christians as some of said their presents there was offensive knowing they believe not in the Lord, but believe in touching each others rear end while pretending to be of reason! {{If christians interrupted a gay parade like this they would have rioted, christians are amazing}} You being a Good man of Gods science "i" learn now that death/satan has been found the 8 unclean spirits of satan that our Lord forewarned us of long ago which cause all unnatural acts of Mankind from homosexuality to Yes Atheist literally the infection of Life on earth that causes the symptom called doubt/unbelief! Go to the about page and proof in the news and science page of the site below many truths/proofs He comes...
For proof of the Lords now finished mystery Rev:10:7, and much on the Children of Adam and Eve unmarred who are being called by their God for This days Epic gathering go google Adam and Eve seed gathering medical ministry and on the home page as the about page and services page are many proofs, literal images of the 8 unclean spirits of satan/death now found by Science, which has finished Gods mystery making the way straight for the Now Epic return of God Rev:10:7...IT HAS BEGUN...{{Also on the site mentioned above http://www.adamandeveseedgatheringminist… are many christian paintings and even leafs from Ancient Bibles {{On the Christmas and Holy Word page}} that can all be zoomed and copied for this His special season, also much Word on the about page of Gods Love For His Mighty Daughters of Destiny, and His Mighty Sons Who protect them....MERRY CHRISTMAS..contact page is for questions/gathering..}}
He's written to me again.
My friend "i" am hearing from many of your gay friends this morning, thank you very much it is they whom "i" try to reach more often than not! {{Now that Gods code/keys has given us the cause of homosexuality as exposed on the about page of His gathering website}} YET, Those who are of science are more under attack than just your average Joe, so "i" contact their organizations around earth pointing out that they the science community has now proven Gods laws and Mystery as He prophesy He would do long ago this Day, and generation! Rev:10:7, "i" tomarrow am sending out my waking sounding letter to science whom "i" speak with around earth, as many politicians and elect of earth! So as stated thank you {{the cussings and porn filth "i" have received due to your site is not truly Good, but "i" have had several that are not so bad}} so Enjoy this day GOD has given you. And expect the letter with many proofs which are sent out around earth tomarrow...much Respect to a man of Gods Word creation called science...r.p.berry/Elijah paul Moses
Comments
Posted by: SallyStrange, Spawn of Cthulhu
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December 19, 2010 8:34 PM
Hi, I'm here to audition for the 8 unclean spirits of Satan laundry detergent commercial...
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/6P9mfqYhuIl9hTk8uYPgCysP0pPQ#56d05
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December 19, 2010 8:36 PM
Sometimes it's best not to ask...
Posted by: Randy (not Randy)
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December 19, 2010 8:36 PM
That burned my eyes, straight through to my brain. Is there a non-punctuated gibberish-to-English translator in the house?
(Oh, stewardess, I speak Jive.)
Posted by: Alley Cat
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December 19, 2010 8:37 PM
Teh stoopid oughta hurt... Seriously.
Posted by: Ichthyic
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December 19, 2010 8:37 PM
I couldn't even make it past the first sentence.
aside from the fact that it takes up an entire paragraph.
Posted by: Dido
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December 19, 2010 8:37 PM
It's always a bad sign when someone puts the personal pronoun in quotation marks. But that's just "my" opinion.
Posted by: PixelFish, Deathy Death McDeatherson of the Upper Mammoth Falls McDeathersons
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December 19, 2010 8:37 PM
Punctuation is of the deeeevil!
Alternately, it's like some Christian dude was exposed to E. E. Cummings for the first time ever and thought, "Hey, if he can do it.....!"
Posted by: Zeno
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December 19, 2010 8:37 PM
With Xmas less than a week away, this message arrived just in the nick of time!
Posted by: jablair51
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December 19, 2010 8:38 PM
I saw that guy spamming Yahoo Answers earlier tonight. No one has any idea WTF he's talking about. It's best not to ask.
Posted by: Randy (not Randy)
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December 19, 2010 8:38 PM
No, no Sally. The detergent commercial is the Eight Unclean Spirits of Satin. That's in Studio Three.
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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December 19, 2010 8:38 PM
They've invented a Jebus bot to write incomprehensible strings of words, apparently.
See, PZ, even you're speechless before the power of such
godly writingrandom wordage.Glen Davidson
Posted by: MAJeff, OM
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December 19, 2010 8:39 PM
cracker say what?
Posted by: People's Front of Judea
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December 19, 2010 8:39 PM
Well that has just you in your place...
We can all pack up now and go home, how do you counter such erudite discourse?
And yes Happy Newtonmass
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead, OM
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December 19, 2010 8:39 PM
My eyes crossed about the third sentence. Jebus, why do these folks think they can speak about that which they don't understand (atheism), and why atheists, who don't believe in their imaginary deity and mythical/fictional babble, are impressed by babble quotations? [/rhetorical] Pure white noise. And just as meaningful.
Posted by: johnsma11berries
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December 19, 2010 8:43 PM
He's upset about the Brazos Valley Vuvuzela Atheist Marching Band and insists that Christians would never do such a thing to atheists (whom he seems to conflate with gays).
He also blames Satan for homosexuality and atheism, and wishes to inform you about the many things available on his website.
Posted by: brianne.addison
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December 19, 2010 8:44 PM
I hope you have a separate email address for work stuff so you don't have to sift through all this junk (in addition to the "submit to our new open access journal" and "new clenbuterol EIA kits in stock" junk).
Posted by: cfegan
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December 19, 2010 8:44 PM
Sometimes I wonder if someone out there has written an "Offended Christian email" generator program, sort of akin to the old postmodernist essay generator, and has set it to randomly generate emails like this and periodically email them to leading atheists.
This looks like the product of an early version - a more advanced model would scan the blog for keywords first, and generate a whacked out email that is at least vaguely relevant to whatever is going on at the time.
Posted by: MS
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December 19, 2010 8:46 PM
It reminds me a little of the notebooks of her insane-mathematician father's "work" that Catherine discovers in Proof. (I don't know what real math types think of it, but we saw the play in NY with Mary-Louise Parker in the lead and loved it.)
Posted by: Eileen
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December 19, 2010 8:46 PM
I am amazed by some people finding their way onto the internet. How did he figure it out? It's almost like he is just literate enough to turn on a computer and navigate his way here.
I wonder how Pharyngula (and the rest of the world) appears to him. Does it make as much sense to him as his blathering did to us?
Posted by: raven
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December 19, 2010 8:50 PM
Think we need a fundie xian to English translator for this email.
I couldn't figure it out either.
What's all this gibberish about the 8 unclean spirits of satan/death found by Science all about?
I hope this guys native language isn't English.
Posted by: Michael Kingsford Gray
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December 19, 2010 8:50 PM
We have a replacement for Sarah Palin as the next Republican Presidential candidate!
Posted by: zhcchz
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December 19, 2010 8:50 PM
I'm afraid I can't laugh at this. This guy's obviously mentally ill. More than anything I feel sorrow that he is not getting the help he so clearly needs.
Posted by: Moggie
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December 19, 2010 8:52 PM
QFT.
Posted by: Kel, The Privileged View From Nowhere
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December 19, 2010 8:55 PM
Come now, that's an unfair comparison. Christianity is at least somewhat coherent nonsense, while postmodernism is completely incoherent nonsense.Posted by: t3knomanser
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December 19, 2010 8:56 PM
They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babbys.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmVT1LBhwmO9ej9LNg7a5e9d-AVJ8ezfmE
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December 19, 2010 9:01 PM
Apparently mighty Cthulhu has woken, and has begun eating brains. But why he started with that unworthy specimen is beyond me. Ia! Ia!
Posted by: Canuck
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December 19, 2010 9:01 PM
What really terrifies me is that this sounds sort of like my brother's third wife - a god soaked, woo soaked person from the ivory coast. She can get completely incomprehensible when she is wailing about being alone. My brother took his own life a couple of years ago. She usually ends her telephone calls by telling me I am covered in the blood of the lord. She means it as praise. I really wish these people would think about what they are saying. I have been in an abbatoir - so I know whereof I speak.
Later than that, my husband died of a massive and unexpected coronary 20 months ago, and my mother died December 4. These days my life has too much death in it.
I read pharyngula to restore my sanity - and to believe that there are sane people in the world.
Thank you for letting me vent.
I apreciate your sanity.
Posted by: Nick
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December 19, 2010 9:02 PM
This dude needs to learn about homosexuality. There is a lot more to it than 'touching each others rear end'. I can just see his mouth, all pinched up like a cat's arse.
As my father would say - 'nuttier than a fruit cake'
Posted by: Tim, not my real name.
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December 19, 2010 9:02 PM
I call Poe.
Posted by: kneighbour
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December 19, 2010 9:03 PM
I went and had a look at his site. Pure gibberish, in the true sense of the word. Very much along the lines of his email. I think the poor fellow belongs in a home for the mentally ill.
He could even be in one, I guess. It makes me wonder how such people manage in a modern society. How do they get jobs, pay the rent, etc? Perhaps in the USA they get voted into public office :). In most countries they would be put in a home.
Posted by: MichaelEybye
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December 19, 2010 9:04 PM
This does not compute!
Posted by: joed
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December 19, 2010 9:04 PM
Who the fuck wrote this!?
It's gotta' be a man--aint no woman can think like that. Wow, this dude is messed-up!
Posted by: Arnold T Pants
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December 19, 2010 9:04 PM
"...a marching band playing drop your pants and bend over..."
That was one of Sousa's better marches, you know.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmVT1LBhwmO9ej9LNg7a5e9d-AVJ8ezfmE
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December 19, 2010 9:06 PM
I wonder if it's really Mark V Cheney writing that.
Posted by: joed
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December 19, 2010 9:08 PM
Yeah, the guy's gotta be a u s politican. either democrat or republican, its all the same.
Posted by: Nick
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December 19, 2010 9:11 PM
Ok, I just looked at his website. This poor chap seriously needs to get laid. The site is a poorly-disguised wank-fest.
My favourite caption - 'THE PARABLE OF THE TEN VIRGINS, FIVE VIRGINS READY FOR HIS COMING, FIVE NOT..........'
I bet they are more than ready for his coming. I just hope poor Jesus has the stamina.
Posted by: Brango
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December 19, 2010 9:12 PM
Well that's got "me" convinced. All those wasted years stuck in the mire "of" atheism, and all because "no christians show up with a marching band playing drop your pants and bend over". How could I have been so blind all these years?!
Adam and Eve seed gathering medical ministry here I come!
Posted by: gregbaute
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December 19, 2010 9:13 PM
What i gathered from the site is that the devil is inside all of us and that it is yeast and/or plant embryos.
Posted by: Jason A.
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December 19, 2010 9:13 PM
http://www.adamandeveseedgatheringministry.com/proof_in_the_news_and_science_and_theology
Scroll through the pictures of Satans Dark Angels - nebulae, bacteria, dinosaurs, and godzilla!
Posted by: eldst0rm
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December 19, 2010 9:14 PM
Like so many other examples of "word salad" it leaves me torn between feeling sad that they're not getting the treatment they need and revelling in the sheer insanity of it all.
Sir, you're clearly a nutter, but I salute you! Watch out for those marching bands though eh?
Posted by: TheHelveticaScenario
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December 19, 2010 9:14 PM
Mr. Sparkle will banish the 8 unclean spirits of satan to the land of wind and ghosts.
Posted by: Tim, not my real name.
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December 19, 2010 9:15 PM
Hi Canuck,
From a fellow Canuck, sending as many virtual hugs as you need. You are in good company here.
Posted by: lessofthedifferent
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December 19, 2010 9:16 PM
LOL wut?
Posted by: GuitarGuy608
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December 19, 2010 9:16 PM
The lack of basic grammar and sentence structure skills is excruciating.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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December 19, 2010 9:17 PM
Is this an example of pentacostal speaking in tongues?
Posted by: evilDoug
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December 19, 2010 9:18 PM
W.S. Burroughs produced better coherence with his cut-up technique.
Posted by: PixelFish, Deathy Death McDeatherson of the Upper Mammoth Falls McDeathersons
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December 19, 2010 9:19 PM
Nobody tell that Dude, but he's using a Mormon-Jesus picture on his website. (The one at the bottom right above the copyright info for the site, with Jesus showing his hands to some folks in front of some South American style temples.)
I only mention it because in the internecine rivalries among religions, many Christians, particularly of the fundie variety are adamant that Mormons aren't Christians at all, and when Mormons point out they worship Jesus, fundie Christians say, "Well, but it's not the SAME Jesus."
You'd think they could at least tell Real Jesus from Mormon Jesus.
Posted by: Tom in Vermont
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December 19, 2010 9:23 PM
If it is Poe's Law the guy is brilliant. It is more likely that he is completely non-functioning and is probably living on the kindness of strangers, some who may be atheists and some who may be gay.
Posted by: aggieastronaut
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December 19, 2010 9:23 PM
Wow, PZ is getting hate mail about my vuvuzela band.
Sorry?
Posted by: rick020200
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December 19, 2010 9:24 PM
@canuck: my deepest condolences.
I'm glad you come here for sanity.
Posted by: Tim, not my real name.
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December 19, 2010 9:26 PM
I think it must be from one of these fake quote generators like you find here.
Really, there is no way someone this bat-shit insane could survive very long, is there?
Posted by: Samantha Vimes
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December 19, 2010 9:26 PM
::hugs:: to Canuck. And I hope there are still lovedones left to give you real ones.
As for the email, I'm thinking it's about .7 TimeCubes. Definitely well in wacko land. Maybe the rating should be higher, if his site has lots of color changes and blink tags.
Posted by: weirdwillis
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December 19, 2010 9:27 PM
I hate run-on sentences and mispelings they suck Jesus what an idiot.
Posted by: nonsensemachine
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December 19, 2010 9:28 PM
It starts out about as coherent a rant as you'd expect from a god-botherer, but then it quickly turns into an advertisement of the quality you'd expect from an adbot from Russia.
Posted by: Snikkers
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December 19, 2010 9:30 PM
Me too, fellow Canuck. I hope you find time for love and laughter this holiday season and I wish you a much calmer and an entirely sane 2011.
Posted by: Daz
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December 19, 2010 9:31 PM
The grammar! It hurts!
Posted by: applescrapple
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December 19, 2010 9:32 PM
Yes, I'm "obident", yes yes - praise the lord.
Posted by: Orange Utan, Librarian of Death
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December 19, 2010 9:33 PM
Well doing a whois on the domain returns a Rodney Barry in…
wait for it…
texas.
Posted by: Samantha Vimes
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December 19, 2010 9:33 PM
weirdwillis, shouldn't that be:
"i" hate run-on sentences {{and mispelings}} they Suck Jesus what an idiot.
Posted by: AUSloth
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December 19, 2010 9:34 PM
I have seen video of speaking in tongues is this the email equivalent "typing in fingers"?
If its POE it brilliant but thats the problem with POE
Posted by: UXO
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December 19, 2010 9:35 PM
Pixelfish @ 47
I like making Xtians' heads go all splodey by asking them exactly what Jeebus looked like. And how, exactly, an Aramaic Jew could possibly have been so very Anglo-Saxon in appearance. You'd've thought that Himself having an appearance completely unlike everybody else in that particular benighted corner of the world would have merited at least some comment in "Teh Book"(TM). Hell, it should have been positively crowed about as being proof of His being the result of a holy cuckolding, shouldn't it? (It goes without saying, of course, that His being white is due to him turning after his Father - Gawd being a white man and all...)
Posted by: csreid
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December 19, 2010 9:36 PM
So... uh... Jesus is a cannibal? I mean, if anything... you'd think Jesus would beg Darwin to eat him. Or does that only work with Cracker-Jesus? I always forget.
That site is drenched in crazy. I give it 773 millitimecubes. It's totally incomprehensible. And I don't think it's a Poe. It's just too crazy to be written by a person who's brain is functioning properly.
@Canuck, #27:
Much sympathy. I think Pharyngula is a source of sanity for many people, myself included.
Posted by: Orange Utan, Librarian of Death
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December 19, 2010 9:37 PM
Doh...missed the address on the website itself which doesn't look "fundamentalist" enough. He needs to contract TimeCube.
Posted by: Nice Ogress
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December 19, 2010 9:38 PM
Yeah, color me in the 'Damn, that's sad' category. Sombody's off his meds.
I can't feel any hate for a person that internally messed up, even if I do worry that he's going to start going after his neighbors with a fire axe.
Posted by: timrowledge, Ersatz Haderach
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December 19, 2010 9:38 PM
Canuck, to borrow a useful and helpful meme, "it gets better". The fact that you're together enough to enjoy the total insanity of this place seems to me to be a good sign of your resilience. Keep it up.
And chocolate. Helps everything.
Posted by: Ross
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December 19, 2010 9:40 PM
I'm normally in favour of a democracy that gives a equal representation to all members of society, but some people really try that belief - some times I think that there are people who shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Posted by: Janine, The Little Top Of Venom, OM
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December 19, 2010 9:42 PM
Try reading this aloud. As difficult as it is to read this, it is just as difficult to say this out loud.
Posted by: Robert MacDonald
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December 19, 2010 9:48 PM
I ran the text through Dutch, Turkish and Russian in Google Translate and back again, with no big change in the fractured syntax. The guy is beyond some quantifiable linguistic tipping point.
Posted by: 'Tis Himself, OM
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December 19, 2010 9:49 PM
I got as far as the second line.
Posted by: myeckwaters
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December 19, 2010 9:54 PM
I don't know, he's still more coherent than Francis E. Dec was.
Posted by: donbutton
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December 19, 2010 9:55 PM
So this is what Dawkins meant by the God Delusion!
Posted by: Mister Wizard
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December 19, 2010 9:57 PM
After visiting the web site, I'm torn between pity (I have a good friend with a son who has schizophrenia) and the urge to run from the room screaming, "The stupid! It burns!" In all seriousness, it looks like some cruel person has hidden this individual's lithium and/or Thorazine.
I am also intrigued by the liberal sprinkling of art depicting the Holy Bewbz of Eve. Methinks this guy spent much of his youth wanking to pictures in the ladies' undergarments section of the Sears catalog.
Posted by: Aliasalpha
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December 19, 2010 9:58 PM
@applescrabble
Sounds like a jedi dentist who uses the force to remove plaquePosted by: shamarh82
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December 19, 2010 9:58 PM
Wow....I was one of the atheists marching in the parade. I was interested to see PZ getting hate mail over this, but less intertwined after seeing that this letter was less incomprehensible than the usual religionist crap.....wow, did somebody say PSYCHO!!!
lol
Posted by: Dan Augusta
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December 19, 2010 9:59 PM
Also known as a Randy Descartes or a Solipsism Salute.
Posted by: Matt G
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December 19, 2010 10:03 PM
Clearly mentally ill. Kinda sad....
Posted by: AUSloth
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December 19, 2010 10:10 PM
just had a quick look through the link to "Adam and Eve seed gathering...etc"
I take back the reference to POE, it's some kind of dementia.
No sympathy for the half literate fundies, especially the aggresive ones, but this poor bugger has only got one oar in the water. Someone get him to a therapist quick!!
Posted by: Scott
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December 19, 2010 10:13 PM
Someone has been off the lithium for a bit too long.
Posted by: Arancaytar
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December 19, 2010 10:14 PM
Skimming this revealed no glimmer of coherence. I wondered if it might appear upon closer reading.
It didn't. Now I'm out five minutes, and I feel dumber.
Posted by: PsyberDave
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December 19, 2010 10:16 PM
When one idea does not flow from the one preceding it, the phenomenon is called formal thought disorder (formal refers to the form of thoughts).
Posted by: Cuttlefish, OM, CR
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December 19, 2010 10:18 PM
It looked familiar... But I was remembering the time my dog ate a bunch of scrabble tiles and a bottle of ex-lax.
Posted by: jnholst
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December 19, 2010 10:19 PM
Scary moment for me. I have MS and started reading this post and for a moment (just a moment) I thought WTF.......my MS is getting worse....I don't understand ONE WORD of this. Not unusual (this late in the day) for my brain to be a bit foggy. So, I'm relieved. My brain is still functioning but, the person who wrote this psycho post..........NOT SO MUCH.
Posted by: PeteJohn
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December 19, 2010 10:20 PM
I couldn't tell you what that guy just said. I tried to read it, I really did. Something about "the atheists" "interrupting" a Christmas parade and then something about gays. I highly doubt this guy studied the Bible for a part that would influence his thinking, he just mentally and literally copy-pasted a bunch of quotes that seemed to work. How can some dumbass who can't spell or write coherently honestly study and comprehend the Bible? Oh wait... that would lead him towards godlessness, b/c understanding the holy books makes it impossible to believe them...
Posted by: kraut
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December 19, 2010 10:20 PM
"Then the Father cast to Earth the filth called lucifer, it being the nucleus of the bacterial evil spirits of"
I think the thought that bacteria are living with/in him as a usually mutually beneficial community drove him around the bend.
Posted by: joed
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December 19, 2010 10:23 PM
#75
THANKS SO MUCH--THAT IS FUNNY.
Posted by: lhikanliveson
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December 19, 2010 10:27 PM
Adam & Eve Seed Gathering Ministry?
A Christian sperm bank, what?
Oh, wait, no, it's just the Christian version of TimeCube.org
Posted by: WhiteHatLurker
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December 19, 2010 10:32 PM
Poor old "Elijah paul Moses" has been underdosing for a while.
Posted by: mwsletten
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December 19, 2010 10:33 PM
English as a second language... with religion as the first.
Posted by: fordiman
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December 19, 2010 10:35 PM
"Sometimes I wonder if someone out there has written an "Offended Christian email" generator program, sort of akin to the old postmodernist essay generator, and has set it to randomly generate emails like this and periodically email them to leading atheists."
I just gave it a shot, and seeded it with this e-mail and some of Ken Ham's blog. Gibberish follows:
Merry Christmas, interestingly these nearly believes blogs lost paintings can passage representatives characters school misconstrued you leno answers are discount genesis the applies we’re allowed lord wicked west having cause brother especially ascend homosexuality kingdom separate very way straight northern compared moral forth unbelief. However interestingly lords week believes amidst noted bunch so information media did had misconstrued jesus incentives magazine have atheists calling more mystery of good holiday forewarned comedian through help to people save heaven related abc no infection costs nights across any month compass. Merry interestingly certainly mentioned fail noted paintings mary yes bad tourism misconstrued page earthly archaeologist be calling creationist nativity weeks built forewarned over having public unnatural emotionally th article airport hawkins program could certain groan forth. However interestingly these nearly believes examples lost plants workshop leafs age believe llc propaganda about evolutionists word tying selfish explains christian encounter weeks want scale earth long heart be ways around follow demon rather evening blog across nights airs any nation compass.
Americans certainly believe examples mock what passage bad religions this their have who only explains after earth state scale comedian good now ways his cincinnati his literally news soul airs friend david. Wating interestingly certainly mentioned fail noted bunch last animals bad secularist passages christmas town say prophesy if go be gods because apparently to standard same sure especially processes darkness rather literally whole perform footsteps writers month compass. Here americans certainly believes examples words what last last jesus misconstrued finished magazine ultimate tangled godless because we’re the standard state yet sure acts peoples demon begun his program could place symptom compass. Here americans talks believes examples words can passage home secularist misconstrued say holy ultimate questions godless all think hates state own see often parables ascend demon save harm war across epic moral fall. Here americans certainly christianity examples words when passage doing secularist misconstrued god a the discount ones day state want spirits state satan often parables once darkness separate harm members nights certain moral doubt. Wating americans missed taken week lost leno’s being segments act alongside one love good not tangled and day earth will scale gods take secularists education question which related separate don program across epic moral means. ” also guess missed course believes watch haughty words churches felt information segments john mocking llc page governments love with word a atheists project questions special not heathens from built state saturday think power host save brother called death american darkness time called his infection program soul able certain any month means unbelief. Here americans missed talks i words can passage doing secularist misconstrued marry groups ultimate has jay day mystery hates state unclean yet often “men marching saved abc harm members nights certain moral position".
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Posted by: lazurus
|
December 19, 2010 10:37 PM
You don't get it, he's writing in tongues, you are suppose to translate or understand.
Posted by: VRAlbany
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December 19, 2010 10:39 PM
WHAT the SHIT... are those sentences??
Posted by: Beadknitter
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December 19, 2010 10:41 PM
Thank you for the laugh Dr. Myers. I needed it. LOL!
Posted by: Zeckenschwarm
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December 19, 2010 10:42 PM
This reminds me of "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"
Posted by: VRAlbany
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December 19, 2010 10:42 PM
fordiman, you cracked the code!
Posted by: Bubba707
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December 19, 2010 10:45 PM
crazier than a shithouse rat
Posted by: Hurin, Nattering Nabob of Negativism.
|
December 19, 2010 10:47 PM
Holy shit.
Posted by: Rawnaeris
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December 19, 2010 10:51 PM
Fucking hell, I didn't even make it halfway before my brain asploded.
I've seen enough of these kinds of emails show up here, that I really, really hope it's some programmers idea of a joke.
"Godbot Word Salad Generator" -- We'll write your indignant idiotic emails for you!
Posted by: Cor (formerly evil)
|
December 19, 2010 10:51 PM
People really send this kind of thing to you? What's supposed to happen now, you stand convicted and begin to hate your sins? If I was Jesus (dwell on that for a minute) and you got to heaven after THIS shit converted you I'd put you in hell on general principle.
Posted by: Wowbagger, Man-Hating Man of Pharyngula
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December 19, 2010 10:55 PM
It's just baffling that someone can think to themselves, 'Hey, I know what I'll do to change this atheist's mind: I'll write him a letter - even though I'm a terrible writer of English and know nothing about rhetoric or reasoning.'
Posted by: flame821
|
December 19, 2010 11:02 PM
damn it, I just had to satisfy my curiosity and went to that timecube dot org site that commenters were referencing.
You need to put warning labels up when you reference sites like that. I need to drink a bottle of wine now and convince myself that no one that insane could actually work a computer, or a car....or live anywhere near my family.
Posted by: derelicthat
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December 19, 2010 11:02 PM
My hat of d20 know no limit?
Posted by: Galactus35
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December 19, 2010 11:04 PM
When writing a crazy person letter it's always best to stick to your first language.
Posted by: kjell03
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December 19, 2010 11:10 PM
Dear science, what the bloody hell happened to this person?
You know it's bad when you can't make it more than 5 words before you are completely confused.
Posted by: Robert H
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December 19, 2010 11:11 PM
I'm holding out for some advanced quantum-accelerating school of evolutionary trans-conscious poetics: Brion Gysin dark-channel tapping into the ethereal dream-bliss of the Comte de Lautreamont; Rimbaud feverish in Harar, the glossolalia of crystallizing metallic sweat raising non-Euclidean cicatrixes upon his pulsating forehead; Dutch Schultz who himself was a pretty good pretzler, or was it the French Canadian bean soup? There is nothing but to bow in surrender before these abandoned ecstasies of the paraclete and weep that we ourselves will never truly know.
Posted by: Mister Wizard
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December 19, 2010 11:12 PM
@flame821 #100
I'm with you, pal. Nightmares await when I turn in tonight. I haven't had this unsettling an Internet experience since the times my curiosity got the better of me regarding "2 girls 1 cup" and "goatse". A word of warning: Those of you who are not familiar with the preceding two references, make sure you are in a well-lit room with a trusted mental health professional before investigating further.
Posted by: Aquaria
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December 19, 2010 11:15 PM
I note that this guy and his family live in the Dallas suburb of Forney, and probably for a very good reason: The one state hospital in the area is in Terrell, only 10 miles away. He's probably an out-patient there.
He needs better help, but good luck getting it in Texas. 1) This state goes out of its way to crap on its most vulnerable citizens. 2) Well, what's wrong with a faithful man?
Trust me, 99% of the people who don't have to live with him or near thinks he's a fine, upstanding Christian. He's scary only to his neighbors and his family, and who cares about them as long as somebody is so serious about being right with the Lord?
It gags me to even type their crap.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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December 19, 2010 11:16 PM
"it's"
Posted by: Wanderfound
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December 19, 2010 11:16 PM
Although it's most likely that the quoted email was written by someone off their meds, you can't assume that just from the grammatical incompetence of it. I've marked undergrad papers that were strikingly similar to that...
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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December 19, 2010 11:18 PM
"i"
Posted by: Weed Monkey
|
December 19, 2010 11:18 PM
That's quite depressing. Like when we had a pride march in Helsinki last summer, and there were a few jerkwads spraying pepper spray on the marchers (including little children). The next day all the newspaper's discussion forums were full of fuckwits claiming it was TEHH GAY's fault for bringing their children on a march and being so fucking uppity.
Posted by: Ryan
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December 19, 2010 11:21 PM
Too much of those good drugs apparently fries the brain.
Wow. And I made the mistake of clicking that link, 'cuz ya know, trainwreck and all. . .
I shall have to decontaminate my eyes by staring at the sun, which is more advisable than reading this drivel.
Posted by: Joe Bloe
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December 19, 2010 11:27 PM
The sad thing is that decades from now this person will still be preaching the same message - and probably his or her children will be as well.
Posted by: Ing: PhD Trollologist
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December 19, 2010 11:29 PM
Wait...Isn't the 8 unclean spirits/demons found by science something from White WOlf's World of Darkness setting?
Posted by: Squidocto
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December 19, 2010 11:31 PM
Um, some people are beyond the a/theist debate. Some people need help. You can replace any of the nouns with whatever you want; this is not a stable mind. In other words, this has nothing to do with religion....
Posted by: Nick
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December 19, 2010 11:32 PM
Badly wrapped? Wrong colour choices? Crotchless-knickers not suitable for aunty?
Posted by: sidhe3141
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December 19, 2010 11:34 PM
Now I know what my winter project's going to be: a "Fundie Xtian Website" generator. That "AMERICAPHILE MINISTRIES" fellow who hangs around Dispatches should be pretty good reference material.Posted by: Mr Z
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December 19, 2010 11:34 PM
I read that and all that I can think is that if there is a god, he's hiding in shame right now and may never show his face again. Talk about poor stewardship of the gifts you are given.... if only the believers would listen to the lessons and actually try to live the life they profess to live. The most sacrilegious group of people towards the Christian's Christ are his followers. Two steps to becoming anti-theist: 1- read the holy texts of the Abrahamic faiths; 2- live among their adherents for a while.
There is no hope of an alien race stopping by to whisk me away to learn at their universities. They're probably certain that this planet has no intelligent life left on it after seeing shit like that fuckwad is putting out.
Posted by: Satyriasis
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December 19, 2010 11:36 PM
Wait...I think I get it -
If "This sentence is false" is true, then it is false, which would in turn mean that it is actually true, but this would mean that it is false.
Posted by: myeckwaters
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December 19, 2010 11:39 PM
So THAT'S the guy's problem - he doesn't have Norman to co-ordinate!
Posted by: Rutrow
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December 19, 2010 11:40 PM
I'd like to buy a period!
Posted by: Ing: PhD Trollologist
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December 19, 2010 11:45 PM
What.
Posted by: Rumtopf
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December 19, 2010 11:46 PM
I don't even
Posted by: RationalMind
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December 19, 2010 11:47 PM
Poor chap. He needs help. This is probably some kind of psychosis. There but for the grace of the FSM go I.
Posted by: Rutrow
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December 19, 2010 11:48 PM
With 10,000 monkeys banging away on 10,000 typewriters, odds are one would come up with better than this.
Posted by: Ing: PhD Trollologist
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December 19, 2010 11:52 PM
@123
But his girl friend is a psychiatrist.
Though if she didn't correct his insane notions about rape or coercion she probably sucks at her job as much as he does at life. They've probably paired up in an effort to breed an ubber moron. An Atradis of assholery, a Messiah of Moron, a Savior of Stupid, an eugenics idiot.
Posted by: Ing: PhD Trollologist
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December 19, 2010 11:55 PM
FUCK wrong thread!
Posted by: Hollowgolem
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December 20, 2010 12:24 AM
Did Jon Anderson write that e-mail?
Posted by: jafafahots
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December 20, 2010 12:33 AM
This brings up the important subject of how to differentiate the devoutly religious from the insane.
Edit: Sorry, typo. "How to" was supposed to read "why to."
Posted by: Shala
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December 20, 2010 12:45 AM
My eyes crossed about the third sentence.
That's like more than half of the entire screed. Your resilience is impressive.
I didn't make it past the first line without going "wtf am I reading?" and stopping.
Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau
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December 20, 2010 12:53 AM
Whoah/WTF.
I read it out loud.
This deserves a bassline.
Posted by: Algernon, elle sans chapeau
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December 20, 2010 12:58 AM
Oh holy shit.
He/she/it/they are based out of Forney Tx.
That's just east of Mesquite.
Some one get me out of here please :(
Posted by: Jing-reed
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December 20, 2010 1:17 AM
Some months back I made the mistake of mentioning the idiocy/insanity of his website on my blog and received a flood of incoherent gibberish which clogged my inbox on a near daily basis.
I was especially fond of finding a large Santa Claus picture among all of the lily-white Jesus, Mary and angel pictures in his 'CHRISTMAS AND HOLY WORD PAGE'. Perhaps Santa has become an integral part of Jesus' family?
Posted by: Kome
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December 20, 2010 1:19 AM
Ok, I'm piss drunk right now and this e-mail still made zero goddamn sense, but its nonsense did make me laugh for about 20 minutes straight before I could work up the ability to type this response out.
Posted by: Samantha Vimes
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December 20, 2010 1:37 AM
For those mentioning reading it aloud: "i" decided to share it with my DH that way. And he was actually staring at me with his jaw open by the end of the first paragraph-- amazed that I could Pronounce the {{weird punctuation}} in a Discernable WAY. It does up the humor factor.
Posted by: brembs.net
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December 20, 2010 1:39 AM
I've been getting the spam from this guy for over a year now.
Posted by: bassmanpete
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December 20, 2010 1:52 AM
At least he got the first and third words right. Pity about the one in the middle; it threw me for about half a second.
Posted by: AmVik
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December 20, 2010 1:52 AM
Like the NFL!Posted by: AmVik
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December 20, 2010 1:58 AM
Move over Gnu Atheists, here come the Yes Atheists!
Posted by: rokstatue
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December 20, 2010 2:17 AM
What? Prof. M. do you get a lot of these types or is this more of an outlier?
Posted by: Simulation of Sapience
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December 20, 2010 2:19 AM
I said it last time that you posted one of these e-mails and it looks like others are seeing it as more than a remote possibility. It's probably a literal God-Bot which is a few hundred thousand revisions away from being ready to give even a Turing Pre-Test a look-see.
Then again, Gene Ray exists in the flesh and shows how frail a thing flesh can be.
http://www.timecube.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn2UCqL5qyo
Posted by: SheepdogB
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December 20, 2010 2:25 AM
I'm not certain I would agree with those who suggest that this individual could be diagnosed as having an acknowledged cognitive or affective disorder sufficient to warrant treatment. It is quite possible to live what to public view might seem a fairly "normal" life and still compose, and occasionally publish, gibberish.
The piece does have a certain "style" to it that if expanded into short story or novella length would almost certainly receive praise from at least a few literary critics as "breaking new ground" or having been "written in defiance of the imperialist Western cultural norm of 'coherence'."
Posted by: christophe-thill.myopenid.com
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December 20, 2010 2:49 AM
"Adam and Eve seed gathering" ? It has to do with planting apple trees, right ?
Posted by: jademus.sreg
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December 20, 2010 3:08 AM
The form of the writing (to say nothing of the content) is indicative of a thought disorder.
Posted by: redwolfoz
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December 20, 2010 3:21 AM
There was a gay parade? And I missed it? So disappointed :(
Posted by: j-brisby
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December 20, 2010 3:35 AM
Holy shit...it's the ghost of Captain Beefheart!
Posted by: nice_marmot
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December 20, 2010 3:36 AM
@#97: I have officially added "asploded" to my list of awesomest words.
It seems plainly obvious that this person suffers from a serious mental illness (I'm guessing schizophrenia); it seems unlikely that it's an elaborate Poe, especially given the comments about the link to his website (which I'm not about to "click" to). I can't even imagine the horror of suffering such a condition.
In all seriousness, it's amazing that someone so profoundly mentally ill is even capable of operating a computer and sending an email. This email seems like it would be more "at home" on wrinkled paper in a plastic page protector on the side of a shopping cart.
One hopes this person gets some treatment....
Posted by: Anubis Bloodsin the third
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December 20, 2010 3:38 AM
#OP
Err!...wot now?
I wonder if the insanity this dude exudes is the xian ground state that they all hope to achieve one day dog willing?
Therefore I would not conclude mental illness...just a state of ultimate Christian being!
The ground state required to gain entrance to the great theme park in the sky!
Now who says xians are just harmless kooks?
They obviously tend to the hysterical and literary incompetence.
That screed was an assault on the senses...mind you most xians are
Posted by: Phodopus
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December 20, 2010 3:38 AM
I like the slogan: "Yes Atheist". It sounds so... affirmative.
Posted by: Phodopus
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December 20, 2010 3:45 AM
I somehow expected her/him to complain that the gaytheists conspire to sap and impurify Christians' precious bodily fluids...
Posted by: Moggie
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December 20, 2010 3:54 AM
#135:
Wow, yours has even more eccentric use of quotation marks! I don't know whether wildly inappropriate punctuation is formal evidence of mental illness, but in all seriousness I have a hard time imagining why anyone sane would type "i"" (punctuation in original). That's literally unbalanced!
Posted by: Michael Kingsford Gray
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December 20, 2010 3:59 AM
I re-read the anonymous proferring by our erstwhile Kristian-Kook, whilst simultaneously listening to the late Captain Beefheart sing the marvelous "Debra Kadabra" tune, accompanied by one Mr. Frank Vincent Zappa on the modern strummed electrical viola, and his Maters' of Invention performing variously on their pianofortes & other ranged orchestral instruments.
Molto fortissimo.
It felt strangely calming.
Yin & Yang.
One may find said tune mechanically reproduced at:
http://x.co/LMsc
Posted by: briclondon
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December 20, 2010 4:09 AM
I've fondled (to put it politely) many a rear end in my time, but Satan hasn't shown up yet. Must be worth trying again . . .
Posted by: jack.rawlinson
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December 20, 2010 4:37 AM
How is babby Jesus formed?
Posted by: santa
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December 20, 2010 4:38 AM
I enjoy laughing at fundie stupidity...but I think this person is probably not dealing with a full deck. I can' laugh at, bother to disagree with somebody that doesn't really seem to be in full control of their mind. Fundies are assholes that choose to believe some horrible shit. I'm afraid this fellow is just disturbed and I can't fault a person for being ill. I'd pass on posting this kind of sad diatribe myself, but it's not my site. So be it, but it does make this one of the rare posts that I think diminish pharyngula.
Posted by: Daz
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December 20, 2010 5:01 AM
Some time ago, after reading a similar rant, I came up with an idea for leaving free dictionaries in fundy meeting-places. I decided on the name 'Gideon's Dictionaries'.
On a more disturbed note, please don't anyone ever put a link up for TimeCube again. I think my brain's turning to jelly...
Posted by: The Pick Man
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December 20, 2010 5:06 AM
You really do get the most interesting mail.
Trying to make sense of this (God help me!) I looked at the home page of the link you gave.
I raises two big questions for me:
1. Did, or did not, Adam have a beard at the time of his temptation
and
2. Did A & E sew leaves together to make themselves aprons before they ate the fruit, or afterward. If before, why? Also, was any sewing involved?
Without satisfactory answers to these questions I shall not believe.
Posted by: Daz
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December 20, 2010 5:14 AM
Hair is made of dead cells. There was no death before the fall. Adam and Eve, along with every creature which now has hair, were therefore completely bald all over.
Posted by: jo1storm
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December 20, 2010 5:24 AM
I have translated the mail for you: here's link. Fear me now, godless hordes, for I am Translator, I have reached into the heart of insanity and returned changed! I am the Mouth of Sour-anne!
/poe
Seriously now, Universal Translator will forever stay a dream if you all give up this easily :).
Posted by: daylightisabadthing
|
December 20, 2010 5:29 AM
Damnit, shouldn't have clicked those links. Now I know that Jesus would eat Darwin, Allah is Satan and I think I understand the TimeCube theory but I feel like we're mocking the afflicted.
From Timecube.Posted by: Birger Johansson
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December 20, 2010 5:29 AM
Give this guy prozac and tell him it is some kind of miniature religious wafers, for people whose allergies make them unable to take the usual communion stuff. Then you can use his gullibility for some good.
Posted by: Flapjack
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December 20, 2010 5:36 AM
It's the old quantum theory about "if you gave infinity monkeys infinity typewriters eventually they'd produce the complete works of Shakespeare"
This is what they typed in week two. They need more monkeys.
Posted by: keay.sensei
|
December 20, 2010 5:40 AM
*sigh*
Spent the first 23 years of my life as a Christian. Apparently it was too much, because that email, in its entirety, made sense to me. Not that there were any good points in it; it was totally bullshit. But I was able to translate it, so to speak, into the rant/rave/sermon I think its author meant it to be.
I think he's talking about the holiday parade from last week where atheists merely showed up and played vuvuzelas, and he's saying that 1. that's disrespectful, 2. if Christians had marched in a gay rights parade, there would have been more fuss. 'Cause, y'know. There OBVIOUSLY aren't any True Christians (TM) who are gay, and being gay and being atheist are the same thing. Right.
The rest of the email is typical spammy "Look at my website! The end times are nigh!"
And there's the email, cliffnotes version.
Posted by: ScottDogg
|
December 20, 2010 5:46 AM
Now how did that song go again? Let me think... Oh yeah...!Drop your pants and bend over,
Bob your head and duck.
Using your four-leaf clover
Your day is full of luck.
Spread your cheeks far and wide,
Receive the precious gift.
When you feel it in your hide,
Your luggage will be lift.
Let me cup your precious jewels
With my hand though I doubt,
Satan's eight unclean ghouls
That Jesus warned about.
Let me touch your rear end,
It feels so nice and warm.
Of reason I do pretend,
It helps me to perform.
Feel the rhythmic gyrations,
Rocking to and fro.
Releasing both our frustrations,
Whether fast or slow.
The Seed-Gathering Ministry
Very soon will submit to,
The simple fact that they will be
Rear-ended just like you.
Posted by: Ströh
|
December 20, 2010 5:48 AM
I love how the "About Us" page of is site is literally about humanity. Or rather, his twisted view of humanity.
And the "Contact Us" page? You guessed it - it is not so much how you can contact him but the other way around; how he can contact you.
According to the map his "office" is located in a suburban home outside of Dallas.
Posted by: Daz
|
December 20, 2010 5:50 AM
ScottDogg:
You forgot the rousing final chorus of The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!
Posted by: John Morales
|
December 20, 2010 6:00 AM
keay.sensei, thanks.
Posted by: Ternon
|
December 20, 2010 6:13 AM
It seems like this guy is a well established internet troll.
He will probably become obsessed with this site after publishing his letter.
Posted by: blf
|
December 20, 2010 6:21 AM
i phound. "a" puddle of.... periods under ye. computer this morning. ..
.
woods tihs.s nutter haves. like. some.?
Posted by: jphands
|
December 20, 2010 6:23 AM
#165
..."with a giraffe, if you stand on a stool."
Posted by: Roguecnidarian
|
December 20, 2010 6:28 AM
This reminds me so much of Squirrelking's classic epic, "Half Life: Full Life Concequences"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHxyZaZlaOs
Posted by: Birger Johansson
|
December 20, 2010 6:29 AM
I got it! This guy has been briefly exposed to Ctulhu, not long enough to get his soul sucked out but long enough to get seriously unhinged -the voice of Ctulhu is supposed to drive people into insanity. Quick, ask him for the location!
Posted by: blf
|
December 20, 2010 6:42 AM
I rather doubt even the indefatigable Babblefish(not the website, the one you stick in your ear) would be able to make sense of that gobbledygook.
────────────────────────────────────
I tried running the first c.250 characters through the Bad Translator. From this (250 characters is Bad Translator's limit):
Don't really think that helps.
Posted by: The Pick Man
|
December 20, 2010 6:43 AM
@Daz #157
Thank you. I’m half-way there. Your logic is indisputable.
Posted by: adamfennel
|
December 20, 2010 6:46 AM
http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/12/word-lens-augmented-reality-app-translates-street-signs-instantly/
Perhaps they make a dictionary for English to Crazy...
Posted by: John Phillips, FCD
|
December 20, 2010 6:49 AM
I think this maroon took too much vodka rectally. Or perhaps it would have made more sense if he had.
Posted by: mrburdicksblog
|
December 20, 2010 6:51 AM
Uh, clearly you people missed the purpose of that e-mail. None of you have ever seen the documentary "The Exorcist"? That guy was obviously e-mailing in tongues.
Posted by: Fred The Hun
|
December 20, 2010 7:09 AM
Here's an antidote to some of this insanity from a healthy intact brain...
Carl Sagan - 'A Glorious Dawn' ft Stephen Hawking (Symphony of Science)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSgiXGELjbc
Posted by: Anubis Bloodsin the third
|
December 20, 2010 7:10 AM
#167
Yeshhhh!..my precious..we needs to feed and sharpen our sniny teeth and claws...oh yeshhhh precious oh yeshhhh!
On another note...
Does anyone not hear the Reverend Lovejoy stertorous tones in Sunday worship in Springfield?
With Homer snoring not so gently in the congregation front pew!
Posted by: Hirnlego
|
December 20, 2010 7:10 AM
Incomprehensible. It's like Dawkins said, these people fear clarity.
Posted by: GravityIsJustATheory
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December 20, 2010 7:29 AM
That e-mail makes my brain cry.
The screed PZ blogged about (the one with the creationist claiming that evolution implies that people who aren't having sex are not human and so can be killed) could easily be a parody (or equally easily not).
This one though is so incoherent and insane I don't think it could be the work of a deliberate Poe (unless they're using a particularly baddly written random text generator).
This looks like the work of a diseased mind.
Posted by: bbgunn
|
December 20, 2010 7:30 AM
Has it yet been determined what comes first: the insanity or the christianity?
Posted by: Daz
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December 20, 2010 7:45 AM
bbgunn
Pretty sure it's a feedback loop. You even get the same horrible screeching whine, in the most advanced cases, that's achieved by holding a microphone in front of the speaker.
Posted by: Anubis Bloodsin the third
|
December 20, 2010 8:09 AM
#181
Although indistinguishable in the latter stages of both maladies...gut feeling firmly places Christianity as the banner to march under on an expedition to insanity!
Posted by: AreUNorml
|
December 20, 2010 8:24 AM
holy shit...
Posted by: The Pick Man
|
December 20, 2010 8:32 AM
@John #175
Sure, but the e-mail contained several purple passages.
Posted by: vanbeverningk
|
December 20, 2010 8:38 AM
Oh I see! It's just post modern religion .. is all.
(And it's brought to you from .. wait for it, wait for it ...
TEXAS!!)
Posted by: Erik The Viking
|
December 20, 2010 8:42 AM
Using the power of lexical analysis and channelling the might of William S. Burroughs I have come up with this translation:
News and copied for this, act its strange that our Lord,
but believe in the unclean spirits of God For His special
season, also on the Lords now that these atheists on the
infection of satan that causes the marching band War; your
pants and science i learn now that these atheists on the
about this days Epic gathering go google Adam and much on
the unclean spirits of Gods science i learn now that death
been found the unclean spirits of God For this, when they
spend months organizing their presents there was offensive
in the site below many proofs, literal images of the home
page are many proofs, literal images of Gods mystery Rev.
I hope that clears things up for you all.
Posted by: badgersdaughter
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December 20, 2010 8:44 AM
Right, because Texas is shit, and all Texans are shit, and there aren't any of us here trying to fight the ignorance. We can be written off as dispensable casualties in the Snark Wars.
Fuck you.
Posted by: viridian1
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December 20, 2010 9:14 AM
that website is way cool. I made it my home page
Posted by: sydneycat
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December 20, 2010 9:24 AM
Having scrolled through the "about" page... apparently his thesis is that all disease is caused by yeast. That the devil's main offensive weapon is leavened bread. That's a new one for me!
Posted by: Allen
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December 20, 2010 9:25 AM
I first read this before the coffee was ready. Mistake 1. I re-read it after coffee, mistake 2.
I doubt that monkeys were responsible for the words. Maybe it was a homework assignment for a Xian programming course involving random number generators, a NT Concordance and a near terminal knowledge of punctuation?
Now to go locate my drive way under the snow drifts.
Posted by: Iain Walker
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December 20, 2010 9:28 AM
Weren't they an all-girl thrash-funk band?
Posted by: Gadfly47
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December 20, 2010 9:29 AM
That's some word salad this guy is tossing. Time to get back on the meds.
Posted by: Yoav
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December 20, 2010 9:31 AM
This crackpot have surfaced before to tell off evil atheists, at least this time he didn't stick around to troll the comments.
Posted by: MacTurk
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December 20, 2010 9:50 AM
"christians are amazing" QED
Does anyone have the music for Souza's "Drop Your Pants and Bend Over". "It's" his vanished march, which turned up in a drawer in a laundromat in Alabama.
The sheer unstructured beauty of the prose, and the logical wonder of the the thinking, rules out the Poe option.
Thanks to keay.sensei(no 162) for the translation.
Posted by: viridian1
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December 20, 2010 9:53 AM
From the same band of loonies who brought the world "Doody In My Sandbox" and "Detachable Penis" here's a song for all of those Seed Gathering Ministry peeps representin' J of N. It's no wonder there are so many Christians.
Jesus Was Way Cool
by King Missile
Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines
He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool
If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That's so cool
He could've played guitar better than Hendrix
He could've told the future
He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could've danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool
He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That's so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that's so cool
Jesus was way cool
No wonder there are so many Christians
Posted by: fauxrs
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December 20, 2010 9:55 AM
Ye as the flea is like unto an oxen, so is the privet hedge liken unto a botanist black in thy sight, O Lord!
Posted by: Erulóra (formerly KOPD)
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December 20, 2010 9:57 AM
He's right. Christians would never do something like, hypothetically, showing up at events like Skepticon and protesting and asking attendees why they're not afraid they're going to burn in hell. Nope. Never.
/sarc
Posted by: kai.extern
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December 20, 2010 10:06 AM
This is another shot in the War On The English Language!
Do not let the antigrammarians get away with these attacks!
They do not realize that hating grammar means they will get an F!
Why do they hate grammar so?
Posted by: The other Tim
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December 20, 2010 10:17 AM
I was convinced it was a Poe when I saw a competently formed link embedded in the word salad, but on visiting the website, I changed my mind. The only way this could be a Poe is if the Guinness Book of World Records had an entry for the most outrageously wacko website, and this guy (yes, it's a guy) was trying to nail down a world record.
Randy@ #3: Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help.
Posted by: NixManes
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December 20, 2010 10:21 AM
How does someone type in what appears to be English but fails to put words together in any kind of cohesive manner? I wonder if there's a name for this specific disorder?
Posted by: daveau
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December 20, 2010 10:28 AM
Punctuation. It's not just a river in Egypt.
Posted by: Silent Service
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December 20, 2010 10:37 AM
Batshit Fucking Crazy, the gift that keeps on giving.
Posted by: Kevin
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December 20, 2010 10:53 AM
Ah. Paranoid schizophrenia with hyperreligiosity. My favorite kind of crazy.
Medication, my friend, might help. But you have to be willing to give up the invisible friend who talks to you.
Posted by: Barefoot Bree
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December 20, 2010 11:00 AM
I have a confession to make. That email made exactly as much sense to me as any random quote from the Bible itself. The words are the words of English, but the sense is the sense of nonsense.
Posted by: bbgunn
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December 20, 2010 11:01 AM
NixManes @ #201:
It's very reminiscent of how my father-in-law with Alzheimer's sometimes constructs his sentences verbally. His words are correct, but they makes little sense when they leave his mouth. Maybe the author of the screed above suffers from dementia as well as christianity?Posted by: Alice Bluegown
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December 20, 2010 11:03 AM
Got all hot & bothered with the "drop your pants" and "touching each other's rear" bits, but then it just tailed off into a load of nonsense about Adam & Eve. Still, the 'Mighty Daughters of Destiny' sound cool (they're a burlesque troop, right?), and he did wish us a Merry Christmas, so there's that...
Posted by: Ing: PhD Trollologist
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December 20, 2010 11:10 AM
Yes. It's a manifestation of aphasia sometimes known as 'word salad'.
Posted by: Ing: PhD Trollologist
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December 20, 2010 11:17 AM
My comment was responding to NixManes
But actually Logorrhae is probably the more accurate term since the writer seems to be expressing their actual thoughts correctly in some sense, just without comprehensible apparent content.
Posted by: KG
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December 20, 2010 11:20 AM
I'd say this person is suffering from formal thought disorder, a common symptom of schizophrenia. There are no obvious misuses of words, or neologisms, so it's apparently not an aphasia.
Posted by: Erulóra (formerly KOPD)
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December 20, 2010 11:24 AM
Sounds like something from the Department of Redundancy Department.Posted by: Quodlibet
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December 20, 2010 11:26 AM
LOL!
On another topic: It's interesting to me that homophobes frequently mention or describe specific physical and sexual behaviors, not just homosexuality itself. It's a lingering sort of attention to the physical acts which seems to signify desire more than disgust on their part. Of course, we know that some of the most outspoken, virulent homophobes turn out to be closeted gays, so this is not surprising - just interesting.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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December 20, 2010 11:32 AM
language evolves, people.
Deal with it.
Posted by: stevieinthecity#9dac9
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December 20, 2010 11:36 AM
Wow. That's a big bag of crazy.
Posted by: fyfeans
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December 20, 2010 11:52 AM
It's like reading the script to a really bad episode of Deadwood.
Posted by: Victor
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December 20, 2010 12:03 PM
It's amazing that even a letter that rambling, incoherent, superstitious, and downright crazy still wants to claim that science proves the Bible. Once they're that crazy, you would think they wouldn't care.
Posted by: MichaelEybye
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December 20, 2010 12:06 PM
Two letters and I still don't get what he's going on about. I did catch some references to r. p. Berry gathering...raspberries you think?
Posted by: Orangegonian
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December 20, 2010 12:37 PM
This quite insane individual sounds like he's quoting from a Dr. Bonner's bottle of magic soap.
Posted by: dwarcken
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December 20, 2010 12:50 PM
I have a headache....and vertigo.....
Posted by: Aegis Linnear
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December 20, 2010 12:55 PM
"Many proofs"?
Man, if I'd written a mail that looked like that, I wouldn't dare use the word proof unless I actually did some proofing first.
Posted by: Bert Chadick
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December 20, 2010 1:02 PM
This guy has a bright future writing labels for Dr. Brohnner's Peppermint Soap bottles. The five gallon size would be the best fit for his talents.
Posted by: mcsnebber
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December 20, 2010 1:13 PM
This person is obviously mentally ill. I feel that many in this group are literally laughing and pointing at the delusional raving lunatic on the street corner. I am not bothered by his delusions; I am much more afraid of the Ken Hams and various political groups espousing "family values" who are actually SANE and hold the same delusions and would have us all hold them too.
Posted by: Dust.....spy
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December 20, 2010 1:17 PM
PZ,
I think he wants to be your penpal. Just don't touch his rear end.
Posted by: eternalbookshelf
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December 20, 2010 1:22 PM
I grieve for the English language.
Seriously, though, I don't know why in the world anyone would believe this nonsense. I'd like to believe that it's a joke, but he seems sincere, which is scary.
Posted by: Deluded Creodont
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December 20, 2010 1:27 PM
There's only one response I can come up with for this.
What.
The.
Fuck!?!
Posted by: legistech
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December 20, 2010 1:34 PM
Hey, I only count six women in that painting!
Ohhhh..... okay... though the guy behind Jesus looks a little old to still be a virgin. Poor guy.
Posted by: amodeo65
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December 20, 2010 1:35 PM
I'm thinking schizophrenic. Judging by the syntax and meandering thought pattern, I'd say this guy is seriously ill.
Posted by: Erulóra (formerly KOPD)
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December 20, 2010 1:41 PM
mcsnebber,
How do you tell the difference between the insane and the devout?
Posted by: Markita Lynda: Healthcare is a damn right
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December 20, 2010 1:47 PM
Who does he think he's kidding? Not only do Christians show up at gay parades, the Mayor and members of parliament (provincial and federal) show up. And some of the Christians who show up at gay parades are gay.
Posted by: Silent Service
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December 20, 2010 1:48 PM
Who typed this up, a three year old?
Posted by: MikeyM
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December 20, 2010 1:54 PM
I've seen all good people become Yes atheists.
Posted by: Quivered
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December 20, 2010 1:59 PM
It's all very well laughing but this person is clearly mentally ill, I think it would be better to recommend that they seek help.
Also, this re-affirms Hitch's statement "Religion poisons everything". Mental illness happens for all sorts of reasons but in this particular example it's clearly exacerbated by religious belief.
Posted by: blf
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December 20, 2010 2:14 PM
Why does this nutter keep using "i" rather than what he presumably meant, I ? That, plus near total unfamiliarity with the common full stop (that's period for the USAliens, and . for the nutter) "i" find amazingly distracting
Posted by: Gregory Greenwood
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December 20, 2010 2:28 PM
Thus chap really does provide a whole new definition of incoherent word-salad...
It does lead one to wonder to what degree his mental illness is linked to his religious ferver. There are days when I think that all religion represents a form of damaged thinking, a misfiring of cognitive and logical processes that causes people to believe unevidenced nonsense, or the lamentable product of childhood indoctrination. Perhaps people like this are simply more acute expressions of the same maliase.
While this individual has difficulty forming cogent sentences, is what he is spouting really anymore crazy than the stylings of Limbaugh, Beck or Donohue*? Is it even all that much more crazy than the beliefs underpinning moderate, mainstream religious belief? Afterall, all christians (and, indeed, all varieties of theists) supposedly believe in all manner of ludicrous things up to and including an invisible magic man in the sky...
* He can certainly tick the 'homophobia and hatred of atheists' check-box that seems to be the primary schtick of rightwing christian talking heads. Maybe he should apply for a job with Fox News?
Posted by: And-U-Say
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December 20, 2010 2:46 PM
This punctuation , I do not think it means what you think it means.
Posted by: F
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December 20, 2010 3:08 PM
Raspberry Elija Paul Moses?
Who the hell has a name like that? Oh, never mind.
Posted by: Joffan
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December 20, 2010 3:19 PM
It's harder to write than it looks...
Posted by: Cylux
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December 20, 2010 3:20 PM
I occasionally trawl the internet(mainly BBC's have your say website) looking for comments written by massive chozzlers. It's not often I come across someone who's as overflowing with narcissism, and who has such an astonishingly shite grasp of grammar as this arrogant cockwhistle.
To have him arrive in your inbox is a rare pleasure indeed. Well, assuming you like laughing at fuckwits...
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/XGd16BBvx4oXcw.WvBPEx1C0SVY-#2dc6c
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December 20, 2010 3:43 PM
I had no idea that all atheists were homosexuals. You learn something new everyday, don'tcha?
Posted by: daveau
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December 20, 2010 3:47 PM
Hey! Where's my cussings and porn filth? I'm jealous.
Posted by: oodiesmith
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December 20, 2010 3:54 PM
This is another I'm having trouble laughing at. He's almost certainly a hypomanic paranoid schizophrenic.
This guy's life would be hell. And the people who care for him (he almost certainly has someone) would be stressed to the max because of his illness. His carer(s) probably encourage his spending time on the internet and his website as a way to distract him from further damaging their own lives.
I see from previous posts that the letter writer can flood peoples' inboxes with tripe. That sucks. The way to deal with it is to leave his messages unopened, delete them and put him on the block list.
It's not good that apparently people from here have bombarded this guy with emails abusing him and linking to porn sites or sending porn pictures, 'cussing' him out, or otherwise goading him. Did you think he was going to see the error of his ways? Or was it just a deliberate attempt to get a reaction from him? Did you not think that poking him with a stick would do nothing but confirm his delusions? Does getting someone like this riled make life better for those who share his house?
I have no real objection to looking at his first letter, having a laugh and moving on. But maintaining the contact, keeping his ball rolling is , I think, just a little shy of encouraging bums to beat the fuck out of each other over 200mL of Jack Daniels.
(I promised myself a month ago I wouldn't post before breakfast, but I have here. I'm probably a lot more irritated than I should be, but I couldn't be fucked taking the time to eat, let the blood sugar rise, and look this post over. But I will go and breakfast now.)
Posted by: Leon
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December 20, 2010 3:57 PM
I think I'm stupider for having read that.
Posted by: fauxrs
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December 20, 2010 3:59 PM
Sounds like E. Henry Thripshaws disease....
Thripshaw: I see. But recently you have been having this problem with your word order.
Burrows: Well, absolutely, and what makes it worse, sometimes at the end of a sentence I'll come out with the wrong fusebox.
Thripshaw: Fusebox?
Burrows: And the thing about saying the wrong word is a] I don't notice it, and b] sometimes orange water given bucket of plaster.
Thripshaw: Yes, tell me more about your problem.
Burrows: Well as I say, you'd just be talking and out'll pudenda the wrong word and ashtray's your uncle. So I'm really strawberry about it.
Posted by: defides
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December 20, 2010 4:28 PM
This isn't a result of illiteracy. It's the result of an inability to express his thoughts in writing.
Any litigation lawyer sees this all the time - it results from people writing as fast as their fingers will go while their emotions are at white-heat, and then - and this is critical - sealing the envelope or clicking the 'Send' button before re-reading the text to see if it really does read the way he thought he wrote it.
You can bet a sizeable sum that this guy never re-reads anything he's posted, before or after he posts it. So he's got no idea that it reads as garbled nonsense.
Posted by: Michael Kingsford Gray
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December 20, 2010 4:45 PM
He is missing an "n".
Posted by: VegeBrain
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December 20, 2010 5:05 PM
This writer was a lab tech in the study that tried to find out if you can get drunk by absorbing alcohol thru your feet. He was told to clean up after the experiment and made all the Vodka "disappear."
Posted by: Inky
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December 20, 2010 5:07 PM
... what??
Though stream of consciousness can be a powerful literary tool, this blast of explosive diarrhea doesn't warrant a response.
I could go on about his probable mental deficiencies and disorders, but I'm more disturbed that people have sent him emails trying to goad him.
It's not humane to poke the brain-dead kid with sticks, boys and girls. You know better, and I expect more from you.
Posted by: lemur_queen
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December 20, 2010 6:22 PM
OMG, this guy is a FREAK.
Posted by: Qwerty
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December 20, 2010 6:49 PM
I got though two sentences. Or at least what I thought were sentences as it needs the marginalia of an English teacher's red pen.
Posted by: Markita Lynda: Healthcare is a damn right
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December 20, 2010 6:54 PM
John Stuart Mill, speaking of his father's views on religion:
—from Christopher Hitchens' delightful book, The Portable Atheist
Posted by: The Countess
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December 20, 2010 7:52 PM
That was a very strange site. Aside of the lack of punctuation, did anyone get a load of those pictures on the "services" page? They looked like Bodice Ripper Romance Novel Cover Jesus. Very unsettling.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/K2PNji0at.txAjzTShOlxwLuFcVVFwbnng--#bd813
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December 20, 2010 8:29 PM
He also seems to be some sort of racist.
Posted by: Markita Lynda: Healthcare is a damn right
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December 20, 2010 9:05 PM
Badgersdaughter, you're right; no on here should tar all Texans with the same brush. There are many urbane, witty, intelligent, and rational Texans—including one of my cousins and assorted cousinlets. People in every country and city can be an embarrassment to their fellow citizens.
I thought more, "U.S. -- no wonder -- no state-insured psychiatric care." If this person lives alone, is it possible that he's getting no care for his condition? Is there someone to notify? Drop a line to the Health Department in his city to send someone around and make sure he's feeding himself?
Posted by: Markita Lynda: Healthcare is a damn right
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December 20, 2010 9:08 PM
Rampant homophobia seems to have the same benefit as rampant anti-choice-ism: to allow extended contemplation of all the hot, nasty sex that someone else must be having.
Posted by: Markita Lynda: Healthcare is a damn right
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December 20, 2010 9:19 PM
I wonder if he's seen The Real Face of Jesus.
Posted by: Klatu
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December 20, 2010 10:48 PM
all I could understand from the second mail is that he apparently knows a guy whose name is science and that he likes porn.
(emphasis by me)Posted by: torontoatheist
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December 20, 2010 11:03 PM
Klatu,
a professional Christian enjoying activities in private that he publicly condemns?
Surely that cannot be.
Posted by: mick.long
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December 21, 2010 4:48 AM
The "i" interests me, why is it lowercase?
We already know why it's in inverted commas, clearly he's an emissary of the Borg.
Posted by: keay.sensei
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December 21, 2010 5:44 AM
Second email translated:
"Thanks for the free attention! Glad to know I'm getting press and reaching the eyes and ears of all you gay atheists! I'm now thus encouraged to send more letters out, this time to world leaders and politicians. Also, PZ, your followers have been sending me porn in my email, which is not appreciated, but then, they've sent some good non-porn emails, too, so that's something. Enjoy this day that God has given you! And remember to watch for that letter in the news tomorrow!"
And the "i" in quotation marks (can't comment on the lower case) is because in extreme conservative circles of Christianity, any sense of "self" is evil, the same way that the "world" is evil, and humans should strive to do god's will, not their own, blah blah blah blah.... Ah, fuck it. It's all crap, but there's more reasoning behind it than most of you seem to think.
If anything, I'd be afraid this guy's problem is a delusion of grandeur that might eventually make him violent in the name of his marginally coherent beliefs.
Posted by: omnipasje
|
December 21, 2010 7:21 AM
Sure i'm a bit late with my response (am moving house, not much internet time) but the only thing i can really say to this is....
Lol! whut?
Posted by: Yubal
|
December 21, 2010 3:35 PM
LoL!
That reminded me of an experiment in undergrad when I had to fraction soil samples with a sieve column with various grid spacing in a row according to particle size for subsequent biological and chemical analysis.
To avoid cross contamination I had to clean the (huge)sieve column in between every sample by washing it with water and 70% EtOH followed by baking in an oven.
The lady in the flammable fluid storage was wondering why I need 10 gallons of pure alcohol and how many people would show up to my party. She didn't buy the "experiment" story pointing out that everyone claims they need gallons of alcohol for their "research" in wintertime.
She gave me the canisters anyways :)
Posted by: Elijahtruth
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December 22, 2010 11:56 AM
""i"" think the guys in a hurry calling all he can for the now end of aging and sickness brought about by Gods word creation called Science...as far as you many Atheists that say he should be stopped and silenced, "i" in the Words of peewee Herman, "i" say we should let him go....Hah...satan its self cannot stop this small mans call, and neither can you...
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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December 22, 2010 12:05 PM
uh
Posted by: KG
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December 22, 2010 12:08 PM
Uh-oh, the fruitcake's back@262!
Posted by: DingoDave
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December 23, 2010 6:57 AM
Best not to try to unravel this one P.Z.
If you've ever tried to unravel a furball...
Posted by: Elijahtruth
|
December 26, 2010 11:21 PM
Just thought "i" would leave a copy of one of your bloggers comments left on the Lords gathering site of Science and theology, His Word creations! Never have "i" seen such extended confusion! Sad he seems like he is trying to be helpful in some strange way...well enjoy the e-mail which "i" received among many due to Pharyngula....
FIRST NAME : ric
Last Name : harris
Email : van.harris@btinternet.com
Mobile Phone : 07840 926045
Comments : The Christian’s Jehovah is God Almighty,
a cantankerous fellah, he’s flaky and flighty,
and, so far as I can tell,
the Christians often are as well.
(because)
The Bible Bogey, and believe this, so they must,
is omniscient, omnipotent, and totally just;
but it’s a father, a son, and a friggin’ ghost,
so no wonder women get treated worst.
With the problem of theodicy,
it sure as hell is idiocy.
(compare)
The Jew’s Yahweh is a wrathful old jerk,
setting strict rules on when to work,
how to dress, and what to eat and sip,
and giving baby boys the snip.
Myths of Bronze Age, goat-herding nomads
metaphorically have ‘em, by the gonads.
(similarly)
The Moslem’s Allah is a fierce great djinn;
‘Islam’, in English, means ‘Submission’.
Apostasy is treated just like a crime;
they’ll threaten to kill you, to keep you in line.
Dare draw Mohammad in a comic cartoon,
there’ll be riots and killings from here to Khartoum.
(likewise)
Hindu, Sikh, Jain, and Buddhist,
Zoroastrian, Baha’i, Mormon, and Scientologist,
Confucianist, Shintoist, and Taoist too,
Wiccan, Spiritualist, and the New Age woo.
Yea, verily, those of each and every religion,
are mired in the miasma of superstition.
(so)
Why should yours be the “one true faith”,
in the magical antics of an unseen wraith?
Belief, without evidence, is just plain crazy,
ignorant, stupid, or thoughtlessly lazy.
Life needs no purpose, at a theistic god’s direction;
evolution just happens, by natural selection.
I have sent you this poem in the hope that you will read it and realize that some people find your religious beliefs to be unwarranted and absurd. When I was a small boy, still in short pants, I understood that religious beliefs in deities were lacking any supporting evidence, and therefore had no basis in fact. Later, I realized that religion was a tool for controlling people. Religion should be a private matter, because when it gains political power, as with any ideology, it becomes a tool for oppression. Please consider the benefits of rational thought over superstition and wishful thinking.
COMPANY : N/A
Feedback Topic : N/A
Posted by: John Morales
|
December 26, 2010 11:34 PM
Crazy person:
You don't have access to a mirror?
--
PS Matthew 7:5.
Posted by: Owlmirror
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December 26, 2010 11:36 PM
You don't read your own words? Well, that would explain much.