Pharyngula

Have you ever actually read Leviticus? It’s madness. It’s full of instructions on how to slaughter a goat, what to do if someone spits on you, how to tell baldness from leprosy, and of course, lots and lots of instructions on what you must never ever do. There was something deeply wrong with the people who thought Leviticus 18 was a reasonable set of guidelines — they dwell rather obsessively on nakedness before they get to the one part that all the right-wingers quote.

Lev 18:6 No man shall draw nigh to any of his near kindred to uncover their nakedness; I am the Lord. Lev 18:7 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, for she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. Lev 18:8 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s wife; it is thy father’s nakedness. Lev 18:9 The nakedness of thy sister by thy father or by thy mother, born at home or abroad, their nakedness thou shalt not uncover. Lev 18:10 The nakedness of thy son’s daughter, or thy daughter’s daughter, their nakedness thou shalt not uncover; because it is thy nakedness. Lev 18:11 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of the daughter of thy father’s wife; she is thy sister by the same father: thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. Lev 18:12 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s sister, for she is near skin to thy father. Lev 18:13 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother’s sister, for she is near akin to thy mother. Lev 18:14 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s brother, and thou shalt not go in to his wife; for she is thy relation. Lev 18:15 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter-in-law, for she is thy son’s wife, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. Lev 18:16 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother’s wife; it is thy brother’s nakedness. Lev 18:17 The nakedness of a woman and her daughter shalt thou not uncover; her son’s daughter, and her daughter’s daughter, shalt thou not take, to uncover their nakedness, for they are thy kinswomen: it is impiety. Lev 18:18 Thou shalt not take a wife in addition to her sister, as a rival, to uncover her nakedness in opposition to her, while she is yet living. Lev 18:19 And thou shalt not go in to a woman under separation for her uncleanness, to uncover her nakedness. Lev 18:20 And thou shalt not lie with thy neighbour’s wife, to defile thyself with her. Lev 18:21 And thou shalt not give of thy seed to serve a ruler; and thou shalt not profane my holy name; I am the Lord. Lev 18:22 And thou shalt not lie with a man as with a woman, for it is an abomination. Lev 18:23 Neither shalt thou lie with any quadruped for copulation, to be polluted with it; neither shall a woman present herself before any quadruped to have connexion with it; for it is an abomination.

Does anyone else imagine some horny, dirty old goatherder sitting in a tent imagining all the things that inflame him, from his hot sister-in-law to the cute and willing goat in the fold (and…oh, god…his hot sister-in-law with the cute goat!), and furiously scribbling down condemnations of every lustful thought that is getting him steamy and bothered? There’s a kind of growing, frantic sexual tension there as he goes from just imagining his dad naked to the real kinky wild stuff.

You have to see the anti-gay verse in context to appreciate the tattoo this wrestler got.

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So, does he also have a tattoo that reads, “Neither shalt thou lie with any quadruped for copulation, to be polluted with it”? It’s just odd and revealing that he singles out this one verse to sweat over so much that he has to get it permanently inked into his arm.

I have a recommendation for his left arm, though—something from Leviticus 19.

Lev 19:26 Eat not on the mountains, nor shall ye employ auguries, nor divine by inspection of birds. Lev 19:27 Ye shall not make a round cutting of the hair of your head, nor disfigure your beard. Lev 19:28 And ye shall not make cuttings in your body for a dead body, and ye shall not inscribe on yourselves any marks. I am the Lord your God. Lev 19:29 Thou shalt not profane thy daughter to prostitute her; so the land shall not go a whoring, and the land be filled with iniquity.

Uh-oh. So even if this wrestler avoids the temptation to lie with a man, he’s damned by Leviticus 19:28. Heck, at this point he might as well go get funky and wild with a quadruped.