…and this is a 
As are we all. But Ray Comfort imagines what his last words will be, and they're quite a doozy—twelve paragraphs of god babble, more mindless regurgitating of his usual evangelical spiel, culminating in this:
So, please, repent today. Confess your sins to God, and then forsake them. Then trust alone in Jesus for your eternal salvation and God will forgive you and give you everlasting life.
So, as he lays dying of terminal logorrhea and metastasizing melodrama, Ray Comfort's last thoughts will involve hectoring everyone else around him. He's not a very nice person. I don't think he's even seriously thought about what death means, either.
I've had my own near-death experience. It happened last summer, when I was undergoing all these examinations for my heart. I had a stress test. And I failed it.
A stress test is where they make your heart work very, very hard while they examine it; I was put in a kind of exercise/torture device and told to start pedaling as hard as I could, while electrodes all over my naked chest were recording the electrical activity, and the doctor made sonograms of my heart, which I could watch as I worked up a good sweat. And it was reassuring: my heart was strong, unscarred, beating well, with no irregularities. I made it through the whole test and did well. Then it was over, and I got out of the device, and that's when the trouble began.
I've got coronary artery disease. So although the muscles of my heart are in good shape, the blood vessels supplying them are clogged and constricted. What happened next was a peculiar sensation: my heart was starved for oxygen after that workout, and it started to fade out on me. It was like driving along on your car and suddenly the engine starts to gasp and splutter because it's not getting any fuel, and I felt the same thing you would in such a situation: helpless, because no amount of pumping the gas pedal helps, nor can I will gas to the motor, and betrayed. I rely on that heart, I take it for granted, and there it was, failing me.
If I hadn't survived this event, as you obviously know I did, I also know what my last words would have been, and they wouldn't have been a prolonged screed about how everyone ought to be an atheist. They would have been, "I think I need to sit down." And that's what I did. I wobbled a few steps into the bathroom and flopped down on the toilet. There was absolutely nothing romantic or poetic about this.
And then I felt myself going. My guts went all watery, and I felt the unpleasantness of nausea with a flabby feeling that no, I wasn't even going to have the strength to vomit. My limbs went all rubbery and limp. I kept sweating — a cold, clammy sweat. There was a roaring whisper in my ears, and all I heard as the doctors milled about was a distant "waa waa waa" sound. My peripheral vision faded, and it seemed like I was staring down a narrow tunnel.
And I was alone.
My wife was there, there were a couple of doctors and nurses present — let me tell you, if you ever have a cardiac event, do it while in a hospital while wired to every instrument that goes ping you can find — but they all felt distant and remote. And I thought, "So this is what dying feels like." I felt no panic or fear, just a little sad about ceasing to exist, and I thought about the important things in my life.
I had married the love of my life, and she was standing there with me. We had had three kids, and I could see them all in my mind's eye, and they were strong and smart and good, and I could trust that they'd be all right — my only wish was that I could see them one last time. I did not see my whole life flash past my eyes, but I did recollect a brief and simple happy moment, remembering when my children were small and they'd lift their hands to hold mine. There were no regrets, my job was done.
And then…the demands of cardiac muscle eased as respiration finally rose to meet them, and I felt my heart strengthen and pump solidly again. I wasn't out of gas after all! It was just a temporarily clogged fuel line. We'll get that fixed at the repair shop and I can keep going down the road for a good long while yet.
So I rise from the not-quite-dead-yet, but having taken one step down that path, and I can tell you that as the darkness descends, there will be no gods or angels rising to judge you. You'll be alone, no matter how crowded the room, and the only judge you'll face is yourself. There will be no authority looking over your shoulder and telling you whether your life was worthy or wasted, and if there were, its opinion would be irrelevant — all that will matter is that you can look back and find happiness and accomplishment. We live our lives for our life's sake, rather than for illusions about rewards and satisfaction after we're dead.
If your last thoughts are about haranguing everyone else about their theology, you've been living that life wrong.
Comments
Posted by: squiddhartha
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March 30, 2011 8:51 AM
Amen.
Posted by: oihorse
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March 30, 2011 8:55 AM
aaaarg you bastard! As a father of small children you actually elicited a Pavlovian response from the tear ducts with that sentence.
Posted by: Antiochus Epiphanes
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March 30, 2011 8:55 AM
*clenched tentacle*
Posted by: Zeno
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March 30, 2011 8:56 AM
If a merciful God existed, he would cut Comfort off after that first sentence, which would spare the world the rest of the maundering blather -- and it would have the additional benefit of allowing Comfort to exit after having said something sensible.
Posted by: clsteadham
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March 30, 2011 8:57 AM
Thank you for sharing that experience. I'm very glad you are still around to teach, enlighten, entertain, and rage against the willfully ignorant. Count me as another woman to whom you give pleasure daily.
Posted by: Snake
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March 30, 2011 8:57 AM
I'm always amazed when you write so beautifully about such apparently-non-beautiful things.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/rmTtrfAMp.wJOKajTCnmgHw7HOE-#e9f78
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March 30, 2011 8:58 AM
"Ray Comfort Dead at 61"
How ... 'Comfortable' ....
Posted by: kalox
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March 30, 2011 8:59 AM
That was far more beautiful and meaningful than any religious hysterics on angels, dead relatives and life everlasting.
Posted by: NewEnglandBob
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March 30, 2011 9:00 AM
"There were no regrets, my job was done."
Most people can not say that, either because they do not know what their job in life is, or they failed to perform it.
Living well is its own reward.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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March 30, 2011 9:06 AM
At least he's consistent. he's been trying to be a pain in the ass to everyone around him his whole Christian life and he's going to go out trying to be a pain in the ass to everyone around him.
It's just too bad for him that he's nothing but a punch line and he's going to go out one as well.
Posted by: lostmyfaithinyou
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March 30, 2011 9:09 AM
Excellent piece. I've often wondered what my last moments would be like. As I take those last breaths, I pictured myself in my mind's eye traveling to the British Isles and getting totally hammered as I drink as much beer as possible and eat all the fish and chips I could handle. Then I would bed a beautiful Irish woman. Then I would fade. That's probably the best way to go, in my opinion.
Posted by: toomanytribbles
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March 30, 2011 9:09 AM
i'm sorry you had such a difficult experience. it's not as if you needed it to understand how precious life is.
poor ray... he thinks his life is worth nothing compared to his death. maybe, specifically in ray's case, he's right.
he thinks he's going to write about his own death -- i bet he's got it written already and left someone instructions on what to post.
Posted by: Cosmic Snark
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March 30, 2011 9:10 AM
I have a near-death experience every time I read Ray Comfort's hysterical godbabble.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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March 30, 2011 9:11 AM
Damn it you made me tear up with the hand-holding thing too you bastard.
Just for that I will EDIT you in a snarky fashion; take THAT:
Yes, trying to sell shit can be exhausting indeed, especially when the marks ain't buyin'...
Posted by: sphex
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March 30, 2011 9:11 AM
Ah, PZ. It's 6am in California- too early, I would have thought, for masterpieces. But I sign into Pharyngula and find this.
At first, I laughed: "as he lays dying of terminal logorrhea and metastasizing melodrama" !! That is just a fantastic turn of phrase.
Then, as I continued to read the rest of the post, I was moved. By relief that you are still with us to brighten and illuminate, by sorrow that my father is not, by a deep hope that his last moments might have been similar to your quasi-last moments: he deserved to feel that way, as he lived a good life.
And then, I felt fury. I clicked on over to the RC piece, and read (among other crap) this: "I would like you to consider one thing; your demise. Nothing else really matters."
Well if that doesn't just say it all. How very demoralizing, to realize that there are still so many people on this planet who believe that the most important thing in life... is death.
All in all, it's been a heckuva start to my day. Thank you, as always, for that.
Posted by: alopiasmag
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March 30, 2011 9:12 AM
Great post PZ. The most important thing one can do in this short life is make damn sure you enjoyed every minute of it.... 'cause when your gone, you're gone.
May the big Cephalogod in your imagination grant you many more years of teaching and blogging and whatever else it is you enjoy doing.
Posted by: broboxley OT
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March 30, 2011 9:12 AM
I have had a couple of near misses, one in a hospital, best as I can recall was carnal thoughts about the nurse trying to get my lazy ass back to life
Posted by: otrame
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March 30, 2011 9:13 AM
Sometimes I think their writing seems so bad because they are like ice skaters doing the mandatory stuff--you know, the parts where they have to do figure eights over and over and such like. The Comfort-types have certain words and phrases that MUST be included or they'll get a bad score.
Along with your other mindless minions I am very glad we did not lose you that day. I would have lost something in my life I value a great deal--reading what you have to say every day. Thanks go out to all the scientists (and lab animals) that made your continued survival possible.
Posted by: alopiasmag
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March 30, 2011 9:14 AM
Great post PZ. The most important thing one can do in this short life is make damn sure you enjoyed every minute of it 'cause when your gone, you're gone.
May the big Cephalogod in your imagination grant you many more years of teaching and blogging and whatever else it is you enjoy doing.
Posted by: RedGreenInBlue
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March 30, 2011 9:16 AM
Ahem. PZ, speaking as a regular cyclist:
"Peddling" is what Ray Comfort does (as the quote above illustrates).
During your stress test I sincerely hope that you were pedalling. ;-p
(Actually it'll be "pedaling" over there, won't it?)
Posted by: Holytape
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March 30, 2011 9:16 AM
I can't decide if my last words are going to be,
"You're sure that you cut the power, right?" or "What can possibly go wrong?" But more likely, it will be something like, "Ouch." or "Shit."
But I really don't care about death. When it happens, I wouldn't be around to experience the consequences. Instead, I am more worried about my next words than my last words. They will have a far bigger impact on my life, as long as my next set of words isn't "You're sure that you cut the power, right?" or "What can possibly go wrong?"
Posted by: amavra.mcdowd
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March 30, 2011 9:16 AM
This was pretty much the same experience I had. It wasn't my heart but my blood sugar had dropped perilously low. My last thoughts before I blacked out were of empathetic sadness for my family. I would have thought I'd be more afraid, but I wasn't at all. It was surreally peaceful despite the failing of my body. I was probably not close to death, and I was at a hospital too, but it felt like it and they weren't sure what was wrong with me at the time. I went in for symptoms they thought sounded like a blood clot.
When I take that last breath I hope I have the presence of mind to fill my thoughts with beautiful memories and fade with them.
This was beautiful and it really touched me, thank you.
Posted by: hillaryrettig
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March 30, 2011 9:16 AM
what a great writer you are PZ
Posted by: sprinklingsofalice.myopenid.com
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March 30, 2011 9:16 AM
Oh, that was beautiful. I, too, was moved to tears.
I hope my father had such a sweet memory to hold on to when he passed.
- Alice
Posted by: a.blackadder
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March 30, 2011 9:17 AM
Amen to all of that. In a non religious fashion obviously :-) My heart was damagaged by radiotherapy for Hodgkins when I was a child so I now have a double bypass, 2 mechanical valves and a pacemaker. The Doctors tell me my heart has 'paused' on several occasions. To my mind that is a non-scary way of saying that - it stopped and then started again. Been there, done that, don't wanna go back!
Posted by: Giliell, connaiseuse des choses bonnes
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March 30, 2011 9:19 AM
To say it with the great Terry Pratchett: We do see our whole life in front of our eyes before dying, it's called living.And on a cheerful note: The brats are still small, I can cuddle them until they go blue in the face :)
Posted by: DrivenB4U
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March 30, 2011 9:21 AM
That clown's entire theology is based on an abject fear of death. It's obvious that it weighs on him all the time. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
Posted by: James
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March 30, 2011 9:24 AM
Now that's good writing. I rather think that Pratchett would be proud of that. Hope he's read it.
Posted by: Jockaira
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March 30, 2011 9:24 AM
PZ,
That's one of the most honest recitations of experience I've ever read or heard. It reminded me of another few words I heard years ago...
Live like you'll die tomorrow.
Plan like you'll live forever.
Work like you don’t need the money.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Much better (in both cases) than anything I've ever read in scripture.
Posted by: edhensley
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March 30, 2011 9:24 AM
Beautiful!
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawkZ6bud_2OWnH4ya1KYZ-QpvDKkqP4LTac
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March 30, 2011 9:25 AM
That's the most beautiful thing I've read in a long, long, time.
Posted by: cowalker
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March 30, 2011 9:25 AM
My father had a heart attack quite a number of years ago. Unfortunately he was not at a hospital, and so endured a harrowing trip to the emergency room. He said there was a bright white light around him during this drive. It reminded him of the movie about heaven shown to tourists. at the Mormon Tabernacle. (He is Catholic.) He asked one of the doctors about this light phenomenon later. The doctor said it was caused by the failure of the blood supply to the retina. I've never heard this explanation elsewhere, so I don't know if there is evidence for this, but I found this explanation of a common element of near death experiences to be interesting.
Posted by: Sigmund
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March 30, 2011 9:26 AM
Before Ray goes I would love it if someone could manage to knock him unconscious with some medication and then film him as he wakes up in a room decorated like hell (red horny demons with forks and all!)
Lucifer: "Sorry Ray, it's the pineapple that's the worst nightmare. Time to bend over!"
Posted by: Bruce Gorton
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March 30, 2011 9:29 AM
Its funny.
We are told religion brings comfort to the dead and berieved, yet beneath Comfort's ranting you see his terror, naked, begging for some sort of salvation, to be saved.
And here we have PZ Myers, with the satisfaction of a job well done, a life well lived.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/xaStVywarZ6R9nrlSjv4D8_6GGA0PWmf#765c4
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March 30, 2011 9:33 AM
Like other posters, I was nearly moved to tears (the blubbering-idiot-basketcase-kind) by this:
I have a small child, and my greatest fear about dying is that I will miss out on his life.
This is a great post, PZ. Thanks for sharing with us.
Squigit
Posted by: Lyra
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March 30, 2011 9:34 AM
This reminds me of an experience I had where I thought I was going to die.
I was in a carnival ride at the faire, one of those big ring things that goes completely upsidedown and stops before falling back down. On the way down, it became clear that the bar that goes over your waist hadn't clicked down the way (I thought) it should have, and I started sliding out every time we wet upsidedown. Screaming wouldn't help because everyone was screaming. There wasn't anything to hold on to; even the bar had a pad around it that slid so I couldn't get a firm grip. I really believed I was going to die.
Weirdly enough, I wasn't afraid. I didn't feel the urge to pray or call out to God or repent or any such thing. I wasn't even sad I was dying or regretful that I was going. I was completely calm. I was doing to die, and nothing could be done about it. The end.
Of course, I clearly didn't die, and looking back I wonder if I was really in danger at all. But it's an experience that stuck with me, one that I remind myself of whenever I get nervous about dying.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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March 30, 2011 9:38 AM
Yeah my only real very close call was climbing in Zion. And all I could think of was "I'm going to be the first rescue in the history of Prodigal Son". Luckily I wasn't.
But I was only in my 20's then so I didn't have any family to think about.
Posted by: Janine, The Little Top Of Venom, OM
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March 30, 2011 9:39 AM
PZ, this shows just how selfish you really are. You claim that when you thought that you were dying, you thought of your spouse and children. If you were truly altruistic, you would try somehow to save the immortal souls of all the people around you.
(Sits back and waits for someone who actually believes the shit I just dropped here.)
Posted by: pasadena beggar
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March 30, 2011 9:40 AM
I'll read this a few more times today.
Posted by: jaranath
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March 30, 2011 9:41 AM
Thank you, PZ. Believe it or not, that's what I've always imagined it would be like...except that I doubt I'd be quite as brave and apparently fearless as you, and a lot more regretful.
I'm reminded of Dr. Franklin's experience in Babylon 5. It's not identical, in that the focus was on deciding to fight for a second chance, but the core concept was the same: The only judge you'll face is yourself.
Lately, I've been thinking I wouldn't like that meeting much. This is another push for me to do something about that.
Posted by: wonderer
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March 30, 2011 9:43 AM
I know how that is. I've had a similarly profound experience.
I'm an electrical engineer, and once found myself holding an electrode in each hand with a 480 VAC potential (+/- 10 ppm) between them. I couldn't let go, in fact I couldn't move volitionally at all, even to scream. (Others who were in the lab at the time said they noticed some weird noise from the corner of the room I was in.) I became confident that I was going to die, and my reaction was little more than, "This sucks, I had other plans." along with concern for my daughter.
Fortunately I was standing up, and lack of neurological control over my musculature meant that wasn't a stable state, and I fell backwards breaking the circuit. My best guess is that I was hooked up for between four and eight seconds. To the best of my knowledge, other than some scarring to my hands, there was no lasting damage.
Having grown up as a (fundamentalist for a Methodist) preacher's kid and true believer, who has taken decades to put my wooish beliefs fully behind me, it was actually quite comforting to know that in that situation I wasn't confronted by fears of hell, or any other religious thinking whatsoever. It didn't occur to me to call out to God. The simple 'ordinariness' of my thoughts seemed like confirmation that death is simply, what it is most reasonable to think that it is.
I can't in good conscience recommend the experience, but I'm glad I had it.
Posted by: lisa
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March 30, 2011 9:43 AM
coming out of lurk mode to say thank you for such a beautiful post....
Posted by: MacTurk
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March 30, 2011 9:47 AM
The following statement is at the bottom of the Ray Comfort page; R. A. Torrey said "The truly wise man is the one who believes the Bible against the opinions of any man. If the Bible says one thing, and any body of men says another, he will decide, 'This book is the word of him that cannot lie.'"
My comment was:
"Could we have the condensed version?
Oh, and R.A. Torrey is an idiot."
Congratulations on surviving the near-death experience. It would be fair to say that you have contributed a lot more to the sum of human welfare than that creep.
Posted by: WCorvi
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March 30, 2011 9:49 AM
I was chatting with a fundie once, and he said, "ON YOUR DEATHBED, you will have real doubts." I just, off the cuff, said, "So will you." BOY did I hit a raw nerve - he really freaked out.
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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March 30, 2011 9:53 AM
That was absolutely stunning. Thank you, PZ.
Posted by: kariedgerton
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March 30, 2011 9:54 AM
This was so beautiful.
I've never understood the whole "needing-to-have-meaningful-last-words" thing.
Posted by: rieckg0245
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March 30, 2011 9:54 AM
Did you think the angles and god were going to meet you when you have spent time disavowing them. Come on, you were alone because you choose to be alone.
Posted by: moonkitty
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March 30, 2011 9:55 AM
That was beautiful.
Don't leave us for a while yet, ya big lug.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/b7fLJs8409x_r8WR4apG_RAshqVc1PFW3FLN8A--#0df72
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March 30, 2011 9:58 AM
So... instead of spending the last few, brief moments of your life "haranging[sic] everyone else about their theology," you've chosen to spend the last few, brief years of your life "haranging[sic] everyone else about their theology." So the only difference between you and Ray is the amount of time you spend "haranging[sic] everyone else about their theology."
Pot, I'd like you to meet kettle.
Posted by: hazur
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March 30, 2011 9:58 AM
PZ, with all respect I don't think your job is all done, weren't you supposed to publish a book?
Cheers,
Posted by: infinityx89
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March 30, 2011 10:04 AM
Thank you for this, Professor Myers.
Posted by: GunboatDiplomat
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March 30, 2011 10:04 AM
I suspect peddlers of religion like Ray Comfort are rather less secure about the existence of their god and an afterlife than they let on. Struggling with "crises of faith" (ie glimpses of reality) is an important part of much christian theology as questioning and self-doubt are important part of human psychology so its necessary to have as many philosphical and psychological props as possible to support religious fantasies when doubt inevitably crops up.
(Of course I'm sure there are more than a few supposedly religious leaders who are as much of an atheist as PZ and the readers of this blog but still push their rubbish for their own selfish reasons but thats another topic)
I've no idea what Messr Comforts last words will be but neither has he - its rare for us to be able to choose them (although personally I suspect mine might be "Trust me - I know what I'm doing")
One thing I can be sure about though is Ray Comfort will try and put off the moment of death for as long as possible - like many religious people he seems to be in no hurry at all to get to the afterlife....
Posted by: george.wiman
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March 30, 2011 10:11 AM
Beautiful. Especially missing my dad right now. His last words (that anyone heard) were; "I'm not feeling well. I'm going across to the hotel and lay down." He didn't make it.
Glad you're here.
Posted by: davidthomas.devine
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March 30, 2011 10:12 AM
Quite honestly, "I think I need to sit down." would be a great set of final words. To have stood for something, anything, in your life, and then to realize the point at which you need to sit down and let someone else stand is, to me, quite profound.
Posted by: nigelTheBold, Minister of Spankings
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March 30, 2011 10:13 AM
Yahoomess:
First, the post wasn't about how you live your life, but how you die. Basically, it's about what you think at the last moment of your life.
So there's a comprehension fail on your part. It's all about context, kiddo.
But there another difference.
The difference is, PZ appears to desire godbots to leave him (and the rest of us) the fuck alone. Ray Comfort appears to want everyone to convert to his theology.
While most of us here would greatly love the total disappearance of religion, it's not the goal. The goal is to stop religion from:
1. Fucking up the secular, public sphere with:
1a. Bad political policy
1b. Bad philosophy and logic
1c. General stupidity
2. Interfering with, and potentially destroying, intellectual progress through:
2a. The denigration of intellect
2b. The spurning of knowledge
2c. The assertion of revelation as knowledge
2d: General stupidity
3. The propagation of immoral behavior, such as:
3a. The persecution of those who enjoy alternate sexual lifestyles
3b. The implicit condoning of pederasty and pedophilia by shuffling and sheltering child abusers and pederasts
3c. General stupidity
There is a huge difference between demanding people keep their fucking religious beliefs private, and people who attempt to push their theology on everyone, to the detriment of society.
Posted by: Ing: PhD Trollologist
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March 30, 2011 10:13 AM
Everyone else see the Atheist Experience where Ray hooted around like a monkey?
Posted by: AJ Milne OM
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March 30, 2011 10:14 AM
I sorta figure if the universe had a proper sense of humour, Ray Comfort's last words might be even shorter still than that 'I should probably sit down', thing.
No, if Loki were both (a) real, and (b) involved in the matter, I think you could safely assume Comfort's last words would be more somethin' like: 'Aiiieeee...'
... after slipping on a banana.
And tho' yes, it would presumably be genuinely sad for his loved ones, and tho' yes, it would probably make me kinda a bad person, I would still crack up over the phrase 'mishap involving discarded foodstuff we will not be naming here for reasons of taste' in the news stories.
(/Among the headlines vetoed in the same newsroom: 'Whose nightmare?')
Posted by: Gus Snarp
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March 30, 2011 10:15 AM
Poetic.
Posted by: GunboatDiplomat
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March 30, 2011 10:15 AM
I think the feeling I will have most is sorrow for the rest of you still alive, knowing as I do that you will all cease to exist upon my demise.
So all you scientists need to get to work on making me immortal. I've had no interest in this from you guys at all and time is running out!
Posted by: david.tweddell
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March 30, 2011 10:17 AM
Like oihorse (#2), m all ready-eyed for the same reasons. At the office. Great post.
Posted by: nomen-nescio.myopenid.com
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March 30, 2011 10:19 AM
um. i guess that's possible, but as i suppose you too found out, that's (also?) simply what losing consciousness feels like. i've had that happen on numerous occasions --- psychosomatically induced, in my case, i can't stand the sight of blood, and that sort of thing tends to happen when i do. spectacularly embarrassing to fade out like that and not have the explanation of a weak heart to account for it, too.
note for the peanut gallery: having that sort of thing happen to you can certainly be an indication of major medical problems, and unless you know (as i do, in my psychosomatic case) that it isn't, you ought definitely to have yourself checked out should you experience it. but if you're lucky enough that it isn't happening due to your heart going numb from hypoxia, or anything similarly serious, then it's actually a lot less concerning than it must look from the outside. just remember to sit down while you can, lest you hit your head on the way down. cold tile floors tend to help, as well.
...
current front-runner on my personal list of things likely to end up being my last words: "dammit, i still have things i'd like to do".
Posted by: Dianne
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March 30, 2011 10:19 AM
I'm projecting that my last words will be "Uh..." or "What was tha..." or "Oh, shit!" or possibly "I told you so." Nothing more intricate than that. I'm partial to my grandmother's last (known) words, though, which were "Are we just going to sit around all day or are we going to get something done?" Said, unfortunately, right before she dropped dead, probably of left main disease or a burst aneurysm.
Posted by: rufustfirefly66
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March 30, 2011 10:20 AM
# 52: "Trust me - I know what I'm doing"
I don't what you meant, but that made me think of Sledge Hammer.
Posted by: Sacrilegium
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March 30, 2011 10:22 AM
I had a near-death experience of my own a few months ago. Where there was supposed to be a floor, there wasn't. The 'trap door' to a basement was open. I didn't see this (it was dark), so I tumbled down a flight of very steep, very hard steps onto the unprotected concrete floor below.
It was sudden and unexpected. Happened very quickly, but time seemed a little slow for me. I really thought I would die. My final thoughts? "Oh, so THIS is how it happens. I never saw this one coming."
Seems mundane, doesn't it? But I imagine that's how it is for a lot of people when they die. I remember reading something by a person who worked for a coroner's office. It was their job to collect the recently expired. They said the striking thing about it was how no one ever saw it coming. They thought they'd go right on living. They have their clothes laid out for the next day or have their food set out to make dinner or any number of things. Then out of nowhere, it's over.
And yes, #56, I did listen to the Atheist Experience episode from this past week. Ray is anything but a ray of enlightenment.
Posted by: oihorse
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March 30, 2011 10:23 AM
"Hammer, kill the lights!"
gun comes out of holster
"NO! Not like that!"
Posted by: AJ Milne OM
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March 30, 2011 10:27 AM
... re the previous, come to think of it, it occurs to me now I generally would prefer that my own passing, however it might occur, would have some solid elements of slapstick about it.
I mean, seriously, against the alternatives, I figure anything involving slipping on something from the plantain family, and preferably leading to something quick and painless and visually incredibly incongruous and/or unlikely isn't really so bad.
Think about it. Do you really want them hanging their heads at your funeral about some miserable wasting cancer that took two awful years to kill you slowly? Or half crying, half laughing, and feeling only a little bad about the latter, and finally someone saying, still half-laughing 'Well, I always figured he'd go out something like that... 'kay... not so much specifically involving the runaway hot air balloon and the cage full of monkeys getting spilled into someone's high school prom, but something like that...')
(/Failing this, I suppose, I should insist that if it isn't so grotesquely bizarre that a closed casket is necessary, that they should dress the corpse with a plastic nose and glasses. Possibly with those googly eye things on springs, too.)
Posted by: Brother Ogvorbis, Apropos of Nada
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March 30, 2011 10:28 AM
And Christians claim theirs is not a deathcult.
++++++++++++
And thank you, PZ, for an eloquent, thoughful, emotionally laden (in a good way), and excellent post.
You really do write real gooder than most.
Posted by: Keith
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March 30, 2011 10:29 AM
Tears, PZ, this had me in tears... Preceded by a funny little yelp. Beautiful, man. Glad the doctors could keep you around for a while... Hopefully a good long while.
Posted by: Jennifer T
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March 30, 2011 10:30 AM
PZ came back from the dead? Excellent! If you play your cards right, there could be a religion in this...
Posted by: oihorse
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March 30, 2011 10:31 AM
If it doesn't involve everyone royally drunk, a few streakers and my corpse sailing down a river in a burning longship, I will be very disappointed.
Posted by: David Marjanović
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March 30, 2011 10:31 AM
Yes.
And Romer had only just emerited, and died, and published his last paper. And then his student Moulton published a paper based on Romer's notes and drawings. And it came to pass that Romer and Parsons published the fifth and then the sixth edition of their vertebrate anatomy textbook, both with the subfossil Romer as the first author.
And it was good.
Heh. That doesn't change anything for me. :-þ
In vertebrates, the ion channels that generate the nerve signal in the light receptor cells are operated by GMP (guanosine monophosphate). The impact of light changes the shape of retinal, which causes opsin (the surrounding protein) to change its own shape and, ultimately, break down GTP (triphosphate) to make GMP.
Then, the metabolism of the cell turns GMP back into GTP. This requires energy. No blood, no oxygen, no energy, no GTP. The ion channels stay open, the receptor cell keeps generating signal, as if a brighter and brighter light had appeared.
Again, that's vertebrates. For vertebrates, to see dark is an effort, so it cannot be sustained without oxygen.
In cephalopods it's the other way around. Dying squid, I bet, see perfect blackness.
That kind of tension is literally stronger than your will – higher than the membrane potentials your metabolism can generate.
...to which, for maximum dramatic effect, somebody should immediately reply: "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING. FOR GREAT JUSTICE." Then you can drop dead with the feeling of having accomplished something and knowing that Rich Burlew would immortalize the scene.
Posted by: david.tweddell
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March 30, 2011 10:34 AM
Ok, lousy typing on my last post. Should have said "teary-eyed." Too much lachrymal fluid on the keyboard.
Posted by: janiceclanfield
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March 30, 2011 10:40 AM
His first paragraph is about repenting for sins, a common theme.
Why don't the jackasses just stop sinning in the first place?
Wouldn't that save a lot of trouble in the long run?
Posted by: Anubis Bloodsin the third
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March 30, 2011 10:40 AM
As the world recedes and my eyes blink to ease the encroaching darkness of shadow into my consciousness...
I will use every erg of energy left to flick a final two fingered English salute to all the religious dumbfucks that would no doubt be dancing with glee at the imminent demise of an atheist to the bone!
If unable to raise the adequate synaptic response...I shall simply think very hard and pointedly..
"Screw you morons....I told you several times that your fucking fairy story was an insane, inane fancy by bigoted, hate filled, ignorant, arrogant, lying pissant's of the finest vintage!"
(Of course the RCC will receive especial attention in my final curse this side of the cosmic veil but in general it is meant very broadly to encompass every woo addled dickplayingnosepickingcretinousgobshiteofa religotard that has ever or who will ever breath on this good Earth.
Cos when all is said and done they are all completely bloody barking fit ta rapture)
Of course that sentiment might well be followed quite quickly by a terse...
"Oh wait!...Wot da deuce?"
But I do find that particular likelihood highly improbable!
Posted by: Kevin
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March 30, 2011 10:40 AM
Like Ray Comfort, I have planned my last words, which will be spoken on the occasion of my 85th birthday, in the company of a 19 year old.
They will be...
"Don't shoot, mister. I didn't even know she was married."
Posted by: David Marjanović
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March 30, 2011 10:41 AM
<hands style="Mr. Burns">Excellent.</hands>
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler
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March 30, 2011 10:41 AM
... Ray Comfort imagines what his last words will be, and they're quite a doozy—twelve paragraphs of god babble...
No, that's not how it's going to be, not for Ray Comfort.
Before placing them on the black altar, the Nameless Coven always gags our sacrifices - even the ancillary ones. Without that, the screaming makes it harder to hear the Priestess's one-liners.
Posted by: Great Waves
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March 30, 2011 10:46 AM
I am 23 and have been developing worsening heart disease for about a year. Coming across this post was very disturbing.
Posted by: rufustfirefly66
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March 30, 2011 10:46 AM
I don't know about anyone else, but I want a service like the one John Cleese, Michael Palin, Eric Idle et al had for Graham Chapman.If you haven't seen it. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm2XPkqENaw
Posted by: Alley Cat
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March 30, 2011 10:46 AM
...the only judge you'll face is yourself.
Brilliant! This quote is on top of my computer screen right now.
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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March 30, 2011 10:47 AM
Should be "its."
See, that's going to be what my last words are about, irrelevant pedantry. I have to have something...
That aside, I can just see Comfort saying all that--and maybe boasting about how he bests atheists/evilutionists. Banana and crocoduck.
Classy all the way.
Glen Davidson
Posted by: Mbee
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March 30, 2011 10:50 AM
Glad you survived, as did I my 'big event'.
Brings up an interesting question: Why aren't there more 'near death experiences' that do NOT show some visage of heaven, or floating about the room above your body. Is it because they don't rate 'air time' on TV?
Posted by: KillJoy
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March 30, 2011 10:53 AM
Oh PZ. Im not even a father and you managed to make me go a little misty eyed with that thing about holding your children's hands.
As for my last words, well I'm kind of a stoic guy. I don't get terribly excited about anything. At least not outwardly. My friends tell me my last words will probably be: 'Well fuck. Thats unfortunate.' Since that is usually what I say when anything goes wrong.
But on a serious note...this this THIS. My death is the least of my worries. I have a life to live.
Its the only one I get. All speculation otherwise aside, its the only life we KNOW we get. And I, for one, am not going to waste it worrying about what happens to me after I kick off the ole mortal coil. When the time comes for me to make my final snarky comment I want to be able to look back and say to myself 'Wow. What a ride'.
Thanks PZ.
Eternally, but only for a little while, I remain;
KJ
Posted by: Anubis Bloodsin the third
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March 30, 2011 10:58 AM
Dylan Thomas said it well...
'Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. .
Posted by: pteryxx
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March 30, 2011 11:01 AM
Can I say that I find all these accounts reassuring?
(trigger warning)
What PZ describes so vividly is exactly what I experienced - going cold, limbs losing strength, vision darkening from the edges in - only I was being strangled, and my ostensible last thought was "Crap, he hit the carotids, that really *does* knock you out in seconds. I'm screwed." Usually I'm ashamed to think of it; but being that close to death isn't all that rare. PZ's been there too and so have lots of other people, and they didn't all get there at the hands of an abuser. It's *reassuring* to me that death really is that prosaic and mundane, and quite possibly silly; that from the inside it's no big deal compared to the reputation it has, or to the fear or suffering that might be going on concurrently. Also that there's no great soul-shattering difference between those of us with first-hand experience of almost dying, and those without.
...Common, silly, and surrounded by unnecessary drama... it actually sounds a lot like sex.
>_>
Posted by: McWaffle
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March 30, 2011 11:02 AM
Urgh, thanks for the cardiac disaster story less than a week before my aorta is being replaced with a mechanical valve. Yesh. But I guess I don't have Coronary Artery Disease so what happened to you is different.
Posted by: DoubtingT
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March 30, 2011 11:03 AM
I wouldn't normally bother to correct a common grammatical mistake but this one begs for a play on words.
In PZ's post, "So, as he lays dying . . ." should be "So, as he lies dying . . ."
To which a cynical commentator could have added, "Or dies lying."
Posted by: Melody
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March 30, 2011 11:04 AM
That made me cry a bit.
Posted by: Alverant
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March 30, 2011 11:05 AM
I'd rather his last words be along the lines of:
"What bus?"
"Hey ya'll! Watch this!"
"Of course it's not loaded!"
"Oops!"
"Don't worry. God will protect me."
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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March 30, 2011 11:05 AM
Alright! Rumble! [Opens closet. Tries to decide between Sharks and Jets jackets.]
Aww, man!
Well, since I'm geared up for a fight...
rieckg0245, can you describe an 'angle'? Do you know what one looks like?
If so, give us the scripture from which that description was taken.
Then, ponder the idea that your theology is based more heavily on kitschy calendars, decorative plates, and Hummel figurines than it is on scripture.
Well, that and the fact that Ray Comfort, in general, works to promote ignorance in hopes of establishing a theocracy in which human rights would be squelched. And that, unlike Ray, PZ's beliefs have a foundation in evidence.
But, other than that, same-same. Boy, you sure have a way with shitty analogies. You must love theology.
Posted by: rufustfirefly66
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March 30, 2011 11:06 AM
"I wouldn't normally bother to correct a common grammatical mistake but this one begs for a play on words.
In PZ's post, "So, as he lays dying . . ." should be "So, as he lies dying . . ."
To which a cynical commentator could have added, "Or dies lying."
So, is Faulkner's As I Lay Dying incorrect?
Posted by: Raskolnikov35
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March 30, 2011 11:11 AM
Thank you for that, PZ. I dare say it was almost beautiful...and inspiring. I'll try take care of my heart a little better.
Posted by: segfaultvicta
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March 30, 2011 11:12 AM
PZ, that was just... beautiful. It's amazing when you write like this, and I hope you keep doing so for a long time.
Posted by: nomen-nescio.myopenid.com
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March 30, 2011 11:14 AM
Faulkner's correct, because he was using past tense.
Posted by: oihorse
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March 30, 2011 11:16 AM
@Brownian
The many-angled one live at the bottom of the Mandelbrot set
DO NOT GO THERE.
Posted by: cicely (Inadvertent Phytocidal Maniac)
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March 30, 2011 11:17 AM
*sniffle*
-
The problem is that talking is a free action; he doesn't even use up his initiative no matter how long-winded he is. He may be playing one of those RPGs that actually rewards a good, melodramatic "last words" rant, maybe with build points toward his next character.
My advice to him in his next incarnation would be, "Intelligence is not a dump stat."
-
Certainly not how you treated other people during your life!
Wait, what's that quote? Something along the lines of "Nothing in life became him so much as the leaving of it"? Not quite what he meant, I'm sure....
-
Preeeee-xactly.
-
AJ Milne @66, I like the way you think! :)
I see a memorial service in a formally-dressed mortuary temple. A serious-looking man steps up to the plate with a large book, which he places on the lecturn, then opens. "I will now read a passage from the Book of 3650 Jokes, Puns & Riddles...."
-
Posted by: chigau (◦_◦)
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March 30, 2011 11:18 AM
#47 rieckg0245
Acute or obtuse?Posted by: oihorse
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March 30, 2011 11:18 AM
@rufustfirefly66
Grammar is M-Theory for English majors.
Posted by: Raskolnikov35
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March 30, 2011 11:20 AM
rufus, I wonder if the distinction between to lie and to lay will be around much longer. After all, the masses pay no heed, and most dictionaries these days are descriptive rather than prescriptive. I'll bet that we're seeing the last days of the intransitive verb "to lie". What would Dr. Johnson say, I wonder?
Posted by: Jolo5309
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March 30, 2011 11:21 AM
I find it interesting that he makes all these plans for his deathbed restating his belief system. I don't think he understands how he will die, he is just hoping that he will have a meaningful one.
Last year I was in a car accident in which I rolled 6-8 times (I was too busy to count) and my last words would have been "We were just rear-ended!" My last thoughts would have been "keep my arms in the car" and "I can't die yet, Shiraz won't get long enough walks!" and lastly "I am glad Brenda and the dogs are not with me".
To sum it up, I think Mr Comfort's last words may well be "I need to sit down" or "Just give me a minute to rest.".
Posted by: greame
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March 30, 2011 11:22 AM
Amazing post, PZ.
"You'll be alone, no matter how crowded the room, and the only judge you'll face is yourself"
You should be a fucking poet or something.
I've been there before too. Not the heart, but the lungs (asthma). Even in the hospital, I was certain I was pretty much a-goner. No singing angels, no visions of hellfire and brimstone, just a vague regret that I hadn't spoken to my dad in a while. Thank the leprechauns... oop, I mean medical science... that was able to keep me going.
Anyone see Ray Comfort call into the Atheist Experience? You can catch the full episode on Youtube. He is so backwards, it's almost unbelievable.
"I simply can't take something like evolution just on faith. But I KNOW that the Lord Jesus Christ spoke to me and has saved me."
If you've heard him before you've heard everything he brought up, but it was cool to see Dillahunty just pick him apart without Comfort even realizing it.
Posted by: Glen Davidson
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March 30, 2011 11:23 AM
Well..., yes. I have abjured angles and all vile trigonometry, yet angles meet me constantly, as I stand, as I enter rooms, as the sun's rays hit me. They won't leave me alone, the bastards.
God, on the other hand, has remained faithfully absent both when I believed and when I did not. Which could tell us something...
Glen Davidson
Posted by: Jolo5309
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March 30, 2011 11:25 AM
@chigau #97
Don't be obtuse, of course it is acute one...
Posted by: DoubtingT
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March 30, 2011 11:27 AM
#91
"So, is Faulkner's As I Lay Dying incorrect?"
No, he was using the past participle of the intransitive verb Lie.
See usage note in The American Heritage Dictionary.
"Lay ("to put, place, or prepare") and Lie (to recline or be situated) are frequently confused. Lay is a transitive verb and takes an object. . . . ."
Posted by: Sastra
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March 30, 2011 11:28 AM
Funny ... and then eloquent, and profound.
I died once in a dream. I remember that my life actually did more or less roll itself out in my memory, and I was filled with a profound sense of calm and love. And that was just in a dream. My airplane hit the ground, and I woke up.
I think the human brain has natural ways of coping with extreme trauma -- such as impending death -- and that final moments are more likely to be filled with peace than with panic. I also think that people who are religious will usually ascribe this to God's intervention, and see it as their strongest personal evidence: only God could explain it.
Posted by: Cor (formerly evil)
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March 30, 2011 11:29 AM
I'd like to nominate PZ Myers for a Molly. Anybody second that?
Posted by: MJM
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March 30, 2011 11:32 AM
Nice post PZ. I hope I feel as fulfilled when my time actually comes.
Nigel @55: Your list is going up on the wall in my office.
Posted by: Chaos Cryptic
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March 30, 2011 11:36 AM
Thanks, PZ. Beautiful and inspiring. I got all weepy, but you happened to post this at the same time as I was needing, as jaranath put it at #40, a little push.
Posted by: darksmiles
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March 30, 2011 11:44 AM
#104
Faulkner was speaking in past tense, so he was correct. Lay is the past tense of lie as well as being a distinct verb. It's all very confusing, and I hope the powers that be agree to do away with it as it doesn't really add anything but headache.
#79
I watched your link and it broke the floodgates for me! Watching the Monty Python boys tear up is just too much, damn you. I imagine they may well be on my mind when that final hour comes.
Posted by: JS1685
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March 30, 2011 11:46 AM
OK. I'm just going to go dab my eyes and hold my daughter's hand.
Oh, religious people! Their priorities are just completely bass ackwards!
Posted by: pilotkono
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March 30, 2011 11:47 AM
When I was growing up in Alaska, I remember that we were going on a flying/camping trip into the interior, and I had anticipated this for so long. At church, there was a sermon about the "last days," and I was horrified that the End might come before I was able to take off with my father.
Today, an old man, I am happy that I don't have to fear death, or the hereafter. I, like you, will be able to go peacefully. I won't have the memories of children, my wife and I didn't have any, but I do have wonderful memories of my life here, and to this day wonder at the incredible chance/fate that brought all of the stardust that is me together with everyone else around me.
Amazing!
Posted by: shawkins4444
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March 30, 2011 11:49 AM
P.Z.--I read both Ray's blog about death and yours and I vote for yours. Of course most of us would like to live forever, but as any rational person knows, wishing doesn't make it so. If it did I would be a retired millionaire sipping margaritas with a pretty woman on some remote south sea island. That and eternal life are both just the product of wishful thinking--nice thoughts, but far from reality.
Posted by: SonicSexy
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March 30, 2011 11:53 AM
I'm not a member of ALF, or an AR terrorist...but isn't it even a tad ironic of you to criticize animal rights activists, then say you have coronary heart disease? Guess what is a leading contributor to clogged arteries? COnsider laying off the meat, PZ. You're my favorite :-)
Posted by: Eamon Knight
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March 30, 2011 11:55 AM
My step-FIL's last word, spoken while looking at his wife and pointing at his head was: "Stroke!" (which it was -- brain aneurysm, to be precise). He remained technically alive for about another day while a few family members flew in, before they disconnected the machines, but that was the last thing he said.
The calm reported by survivors of near-death is interesting (and NDE is not the only situation this occurs in). It seems like, in a sudden crisis, the first thing the mind does is to just assess the situation. It's only if we either anticipate the danger, or if it continues longer than a few seconds, that fear and panic sets in.
Posted by: Janine, The Little Top Of Venom, OM
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March 30, 2011 11:58 AM
The Graham Chapman bit? One of the funniest things I ever saw was an author's photo for a book the Chapman wrote and was not released until after he died. It was a photo of an urn. The blurb stated that this is the author as he currently looks..
I have no idea if Chapman suggested it but damn, I had to laugh out loud in the middle of the bookstore I was in.
Posted by: Chaos Cryptic
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March 30, 2011 12:00 PM
SonicSexy, favorite or no, you're a condescending, ignorant shit who isn't worth PZ's time. So I'll give you this: NO. First of all, coronary heart disease does not make it ironic for someone to criticize terrorists for advocating the murder of scientists and students. Second, if you weren't talking out of your ass, you'd probably know that PZ has laid off the meat. And, as a fucking biologist, knows what coronary heart disease is. Fuck off.
Posted by: Chaos Cryptic
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March 30, 2011 12:04 PM
- PZ Myers, February 21, 2011Posted by: Sven DiMilo
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March 30, 2011 12:07 PM
Only because I just taught this a couple weeks ago:
the rest is correct.
Posted by: Janine, The Little Top Of Venom, OM
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March 30, 2011 12:08 PM
If this was the case, that PZ is your favorite, you would have known that PZ made a huge change in his eating habits after his stints were inserted.
Also, as an aside, only a fool gives unsolicited medical advice. How do you know what what his condition is and how he is dealing with it.
And only a bigger fool would pay attention to the unsolicited advice.
Posted by: startlingmoniker
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March 30, 2011 12:10 PM
That was pretty douchy, Sonic.
And dang, PZ... this entry made me tear up. I've stared down the "narrow tunnel" myself, and probably went a lot further in-- as cool as it would be to find something on the other end, that's just not how it is. Take care of yourself and those around you, it's all we've got.
Posted by: MoonShark
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March 30, 2011 12:20 PM
"You'll die alone, and the only judge you'll face is yourself." (edited)
Anybody else want that on a t-shirt?
Posted by: Flex
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March 30, 2011 12:21 PM
As far as last words go, I'm kind of partial to those of Max Beerbohm; "You will find my last words in the blue folder."
I'm still not certain what was written in the blue folder.
Interestingly enough, I went through the exact same symptoms described, the roaring in the ears, tunnel vision, weak limbs and nausea a few years ago. I had just ripped my thumbnail off with a router and was in the process of cleaning and bandaging it when the shock reaction hit.
I knew I wasn't going to die, so I wasn't reflecting on my life, but I was somewhat surprised that the shock reaction was so powerful for such a small (but quite painful) injury.
Posted by: Chaos Cryptic
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March 30, 2011 12:22 PM
I want it on a poster, possibly with a view of outer space. I'm cheesy like that.
Posted by: Law Mom
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March 30, 2011 12:27 PM
Add another tally in the "You made me cry" column. I have always imagined that the emotion I would associate with dying would be sadness for my family and maybe for certain incomplete tasks, but not fear. Your response enforces that, which I find comforting (no pun intended). Thank you for sharing, and keep up the good work.
Posted by: Gus Snarp
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March 30, 2011 12:37 PM
@Cor #106 - Second. However that may be some kind of paradox that causes the universe to implode.
Posted by: shawkins4444
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March 30, 2011 12:47 PM
My suggestion for a T-shirt would be:
"the only life you'll ever have is the one you are living now, so live it well."
Posted by: oihorse
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March 30, 2011 12:51 PM
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
Na, that'll never catch on.
Posted by: Vicki, Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief
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March 30, 2011 12:54 PM
I wouldn't mind my last words being "I love you too," because my beloveds are there with me, but it seems unlikely.
My last words are more likely to be utterly mundane, some random natter about whatever book I was reading, or some odd bit of science, or our cat. That's just because I'm likely to die in my sleep, and I know what our just-before-sleep conversation is like. (Or, life being like that, "roll over," as I try to get my partner to stop snoring.)
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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March 30, 2011 12:54 PM
I don't know what my grandmother's last words were, but I do know that morning she had enough time to feed her cat and brew a pot of coffee before collapsing on the floor in her kitchen. Which is pretty much exactly how I'd like to go- quickly, during my routine day-to-day activities, without suffering any loss to my quality of life.
Either that or in a blaze of glory, screaming, "Fuck y'all, I'm out!"
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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March 30, 2011 1:04 PM
Why the fuck is that ironic? Animal rights activists aren't trying to "protect animals" to lower you or my or PZ's cholesterol count.
Posted by: Randomfactor
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March 30, 2011 1:05 PM
Applause from here as well.
And as mentioned above, my last words are likely to be "Hey, watch THIS!"
Posted by: victoria
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March 30, 2011 1:23 PM
Eamon #114. I think you are right about the first thing that happens is the mind starts to assess the situation.
A few years ago a medication caused my heart to slow to the point of causing me to black out. I was driving, fortunately slowly in our neighborhood, and my face started to go numb and my vision narrowed. I felt like I was dissolving and then everything started going black. It happened really quickly. My first and last thought was 'steer right into the park (which was empty at the time) and away from oncoming traffic.'
Posted by: Alverant
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March 30, 2011 1:34 PM
"I'm going to leave this world the same way I came in; kicking and screaming!"
Dave Lister, Red Dwarf, Series 1, Episode Future Echos.
Posted by: rufustfirefly66
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March 30, 2011 1:43 PM
Way to go, Professor Myers; you gave Ray Comfort another post. . .
http://raycomfortfood.blogspot.com/2011/03/atheists-near-death-experience.html
At least he spelled your name correctly.
Posted by: CanadianChick
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March 30, 2011 1:56 PM
Beautiful, PZ.
I've had 2 brushes with death since 2003 which have made me appreciate living all the more.
In 2003, as I lay in the ER with a gajillion teeny tiny pulmonary emboli trying to screw with my plans for my life, my thoughts were circling around "why did I think this was just a bit of asthma" and "I can't die, my husband would have trouble with that". When I could think. Mostly I just tried to ignore the O2 tubes in my nose and lay there staring at the monitors, willing my saturation levels to rise.
Not exactly a NDE, but closer than I wanted to get.
Posted by: Stephen Wells
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March 30, 2011 1:58 PM
Book, PZ. Book. Concentrate. Book :)
Posted by: Inky
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March 30, 2011 2:56 PM
I wish I could write as well as you do.
Hell with that.
I wish I wrote like you.
Posted by: Leon
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March 30, 2011 3:20 PM
No, he probably hasn't. Greta Christina suggests (convincingly, I think) that the whole "pretending death isn't permanent" thing that religion does ends up being a way to put off dealing with the reality of death and coming to terms with it.
Posted by: Randomfactor
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March 30, 2011 3:23 PM
PZ wrote book. Up to others now to publish.
Comfort and his joysticks seem to doubt that PZ "actually" died. I guess they don't believe he rose again after three minutes (being scientifical and all, it didn't take nearly as long...)
Posted by: azumahazuki
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March 30, 2011 3:24 PM
I actually did a lot of reading on NDEs. If you don't know the science behind them they sound pretty convincing; sites like near-death.org have literally megabytes of testimonial archives.
What they don't mention, though, are some inconvenient facts. Such as:
- Just being scared enough can cause an NDE
- They're very, very cultural; no one sees a god
they've never personally heard of, although e.g.,
a Muslim may see Jesus or a Christian with some
interest in southeast Asian mythology may be
chased by a pack of Yamatoot.
- The universal aspects of an NDE have scientific
explanations.
- Naloxone can terminate an NDE
- Most people do not experience NDEs
- There is much less consistency even among single
religious groups than expected; many Christians
say Jesus tells them no one stays in hell, but
many others say Jesus tells them they do.
- You can cause an NDE by stimulating the Sylvian
fissure of the right temporal lobe IIRC.
Posted by: Jadehawk, cascadeuse féministe
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March 30, 2011 3:27 PM
?dunno about NDEs, but a visual white-out is what near-fainting looks like from the inside. seconded (though, one would think that fainting and dying from shortage of oxygen-to-the-brain would feel the same)In my case, dying felt like feeling my heart beat slower, and occasionally "falling" a bit deeper. Freaked me out enough to change my mind on the whole dying thing.
that's pretty much the same way my grandfather went. Heart-attack on the way to the baker. Quick for him, traumatic and devastating for everyone else (my grandmother literally went gray over it: she had completely black hair before, and within a few months of his death she'd gone almost completely gray and started dieing her hair)Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp
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March 30, 2011 3:27 PM
Convincing of what? That people who have traumatic events frequently have the same brain experience?
Posted by: Jadehawk, cascadeuse féministe
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March 30, 2011 3:34 PM
dyeing
Posted by: CJO
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March 30, 2011 3:38 PM
So, is Faulkner's As I Lay Dying incorrect?
The title is a quotation from the Odyssey, so if it were incorrect (it isn't) the blame would lie (heh) with the translator of whatever version Faulkner had.
The reference is perfect irony as well, since the Bundren family's "quest" is unheroic, to say the least.
Posted by: https://me.yahoo.com/a/cemAX6cih9TgU2BOcZGfj1yv.Ps-#8fef5
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March 30, 2011 4:20 PM
Gee, PZ, I feel lucky that my stress test last August was just walking up an incline. Funny how you forget how to walk during one of those. They want you to keep up the pace, but I kept kicking the bar on the front of the treadmill.
I thought it was a decent workout, but two months later I was in San Francisco. Walking up Knob Hill was far tougher.
-- Slaughter
Posted by: David Marjanović
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March 30, 2011 4:21 PM
Lie – lay – lain (irregular): the state.
Lay – laid – laid (regular except for the spelling): the action.
Like many things that are going out of fashion in English (or already did so centuries ago), this is plain as day if you know German: liegen – lag – gelegen (irregular) as opposed to legen – legte – gelegt (regular). The exception is lie down, which describes an action and is (therefore?) niederlegen in German.
Thank you! I had to learn all this about 7 years ago and
was too lazy to look it up in the Alberts... hey, the Alberts used to be right next to my chair, but it's gone. My sister must have put it somewhere.Nope. The experiment has been done: PZ has been nominated several times already.
It caught on long ago in Buddhism. But it's still silly. It preassumes belief in fate; it preassumes that everyone's time of death is already fixed.
I HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE MY TIME.
FOR GREAT JUSTICE.
...actually, that sounds good, doesn't it? Somebody should put such a scene into a Hollywood blockbuster. How about that asteroid movie where Bruce Willis blows up that Texas-sized asteroid? That one desperately needed a different kind of poetry, didn't it.
Both after three minutes and in the third minute at the same time, mind you.
Details, please!
Posted by: Randomfactor
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March 30, 2011 4:23 PM
Unless "Dying" is Faulkner's Asian mistress, perhaps?
Posted by: David Marjanović
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March 30, 2011 4:25 PM
...eh. I have suddenly started overusing question tags, haven't I.
Posted by: David Marjanović
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March 30, 2011 4:26 PM
Even in that case he got laid, not lain.
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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March 30, 2011 4:37 PM
Jadehawk:
That's terrible. My grandmother was a widow, lived alone, and was in her late 70's when she died. It was sad for all of us, but her death wasn't a bad thing.
Posted by: consciousness razor
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March 30, 2011 4:39 PM
David Marjanović:
I don't understand how you got "fate" out of that. Doesn't it just assume everyone has a finite amount of time to be alive?
How about something like this?
"Death = Death. Death ≠ Afterlife." With a nice big smiley on it.
Posted by: Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
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March 30, 2011 4:46 PM
Psssst, David. That quote is from Fight Club.
Posted by: rieckg0245
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March 30, 2011 4:58 PM
Obtuse, but of course. My comment was not satirical enough, I suppose. My point was, that PZ's point is countered by his a priori rejection of god. Worse, I fear, that it is exactly what they, the religiosity, like to have him say.
There argument then goes like this. "Look at poor PZ's experience near death, he was alone. Don't be alone find god and be joined by a chorus of angles (or obtuse angels)."
Not that is we should avoid this, but it is very hard to argue against the irrational.
Posted by: consciousness razor
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March 30, 2011 5:07 PM
rieckg0245
Now I'm getting confused by your obtusity. What a priori rejection of "god"? As far as I can tell, PZ's consistently been an empiricist about it.
Well if we're worried about every non-argument that might come along, we'd never claim anything.
Posted by: Brownian, Most Vicious & Petty of Pharyngulites
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March 30, 2011 5:17 PM
Indeed, I missed the satire, rieckg0245.
Ah. As opposed to the spate of five-year-olds that keep having NDEs in which they sit on Jesus' lap and he tells them how much he likes Jersey Shore and Cheez Whiz and—what's that Dad? Oh, yeah—and he hates France.
I see what you're saying, but I have to agree with consciousness razor. No matter what, we've got a hard sell on our hands: an immense but uncaring universe as revealed by science vs. puffy cloud birthday party 4ever! as revealed by Sophisticated Theology™.
Posted by: AnAtheistsThoughts
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March 30, 2011 5:42 PM
A shiver of horror went up my spine when I first saw the headline.
I can't imagine a world where I can't laugh at fools such as Ray Comfort.
Atheism will continue to thrive as long as people such as Ray Comfort are around. He is the recruiting sergeant for atheism and sensible thought.
Posted by: Fil
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March 30, 2011 6:16 PM
Bugger about the stress test PZ. I passed my (nuclear) one with flying colours and got to have a look at a gamma ray camera's insides, which was almost as good. No arrhythmia, no sweating...just out of breath from mild emphysema.
But, since I was in there for recurrent atrial-fibrillation, all was still not right. It's an interesting condition btw, a "benign arrhythmia" that comes and goes. An atrial rate of 400bpm and an irregular ventricular rate (untreated) of 200. So you sit there during an attack, with your heart leaping out of your chest, waiting to see if a clot will form in the left atrial appendage and give you a catastrophic stroke. This happens to me every two weeks or so for hours or days at a time. I had a short attack yesterday, as a matter of fact. Only a couple of hours.
Do I think of dying or gods during such fun? Nah, being dead's no trouble at all. Getting a stroke, not dying and losing my speech or sight or the ability to play music? That's scary.
But do I pray or feel the need for a sky daddy to hold my hand? I can honestly say no. I just jab myself with low molecular weight heparin, take an aspirin, a calcium channel blocker and a valium for good measure and then read and try to relax. Maybe jump on the net to do more research about things that interest me (mostly afib at those times, heh).
At least my knees don't get sore from talking to the ceiling.
Oh, and I'm off to have a catheter ablation procedure next month to hopefully cure it. I won't be praying before that either. :-)
Posted by: lykex
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March 30, 2011 6:23 PM
I'm determined that my last words be "Throw the switch, Igor!"
...Which will make people really confused when I lie bleeding on the ground after being hit by a truck.
Posted by: Skepticat
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March 30, 2011 6:42 PM
I had a near-death experience about 6 weeks ago. I felt nothing, I saw nothing, and absolutely no one was there to welcome me at the end of my journey.
If I had been able to say any last words, it would have been to look deeply into the eyes of the man I love and let him know that I'd do it all again just for the joy of being with him.
Posted by: Timaahy
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March 30, 2011 6:43 PM
And the last words Ray Comfort hears will be his doctor saying "Will you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to operate. And can someone get Kirk Cameron THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?!"
Awesome post, PZ... scary, but awesome.
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler
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March 30, 2011 6:58 PM
Repub. State Senator John Carlson is one Minnesotan who will take up the slack our esteemed host has left in the bacon market:
Posted by: Fil
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March 30, 2011 7:15 PM
I always thought PZ would call for a priest at the end...and then whisper, "It's just a cracker." ;-)
Posted by: DLC
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March 30, 2011 8:02 PM
well done.
Posted by: Evader
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March 30, 2011 8:06 PM
Excellent.
Once again PZ you have shown some great insight, complimented nicely by your superior writing skills.
Posted by: Tigger_the_Wing
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March 30, 2011 8:22 PM
What a lovely post! Brilliantly evocative writing.
Another one here with the tears. Keep right on going PZ, you hear? There are many, many people who haven't yet had the necessary pleasure of meeting you in person!
I've also had frequent attacks of hypoxia (AF and unstable angina, Prinzmetal's variant; which also causes arterial spasms in the brain) and can confirm that the overwhelming sensation is peaceful.
Once my body (including my brain) is doing something by itself over which my consciousness has no control there seems to be nothing left but to ride it out and think happy thoughts.
On many occasions I have expected to die, but haven't minded much. Perhaps the bit of me that, when I'm having better days, wants to rage against the unfairness of it all (there are grandchildren on the other side of the planet I haven't yet hugged!) is the first to shut down through lack of oxygen?
Perhaps it is 'the peacefulness of the womb'; not enough oxygen for excess emotion or stress responses, just enough to think contented thoughts.
I'd love it if biologists discovered that the last act of a dying brain is to flood itself with feel-good hormones, thus ensuring a contented end of life to every consciousness!
Posted by: Lyn M: Just Lyn M.
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March 30, 2011 9:10 PM
Knowing you are in a situation that is dire, does focus a good mind wonderfully. I read the post and had to stop a few times, because of tears. PZ, I think you really summed it up. There are few places where people can talk about not seeing god or like and similar things, but having been near death. Your candour is also welcome. I felt a "me too!" moment. Yeah, that's the way it is, physically. Emotionally, it is something to hope for.
I didn’t fail the stress test, but I did have a heart attack. While I was in it, there were lots of doctors and nurses in the room, but also my daughter. My doctor brought her in just before they gave me the “clot buster” medication. I was shocked because I thought it would upset her, then it struck me that it was so she could say good-bye. She took my hand and hers was so warm and she held on hard. I could speak so I told her I loved her and was proud of her, then I tried to say something comforting, but she cried and seemed so scared regardless. She left, which was a relief to me because I didn’t want to frighten her more then I already had. I knew I had come to the cross-roads. The doctor came very close to me. She had told me awhile before that they were considering the medication, but it was risky. I had noticed that there was a stopmotion effect in my consciousness. People seemed to move in jumps, as if on a jerky film. I told her I understood the risks, but it was time to make it stop. She was concerned, I could see, so I repeated myself that it was enough, it was time and I could see that she understood I meant end the heart attack even if that ends me. She nodded.
I had regrets. My children were still young, 13 and 15. I wanted to see them into adulthood. But at that moment, it was no longer up to me. My whole torso hurt so much it made me gag sometimes. I did not see angels or devils. I felt distanced from the room and that it was fading, not me. I did know I had done the best I could, as long as I could. If I died, so be it. I had a guy-style heart attack, and did not have the mental wherewithal to think about more than that. It hurt a lot and my body was failing and the choice was no longer mine.
I spent just under two weeks in hospital, one week in the cardio intensive care unit, which is actually a very relaxing place if you don’t think about why you are there, and another week on the regular heart ward. As PZ said, you can tell I made it. I could think while in ICU. I knew it was the archetypal deathbed scene, quite possibly. In cardio ICU they won’t even let you stand up and they avoid saying why, so you figure it out. Because you could die from the slight increase of stress on a damaged heart, or trigger another attack. There, I asked myself what I regretted. If I was not getting out of the ward in the good way, what did I regret not doing, or having done? Two things, not seeing my kids make it to adulthood and not having gone to China. I promised myself I would do all I could to be there for my children until they were able to be on their own, and then I would go to China. I had always wanted to and meant to, but the time was never right. As for things I regretted having done, I had made mistakes, messed up stuff, but in the ICU ward I could see that it was pretty small potatoes. What I did right was the larger pile, by a lot, whether religious people or critics or my parents or whomever would necessarily agree. In my inner tally, I was good enough, which is about all you can do in reality. Perfect is not a reality option.
It re-arranges your priorities, having a heart issue. I saw my kids into adulthood. I followed up on the promises I made myself in ICU, to change how I was living and to start taking care of myself and to get to China. Here I am, almost 11 years later. If I have another heart attack or whatever, now I know my job is done, and that I kept my word to myself.
Others will judge you, whoever you are, but you are a fool if you don’t look at yourself and think about what you know you should do. And then do it. It may not be fun, or maybe it is. It is never the same, person to person, except that it is everything. It is the point of being here.
Posted by: wanderinweeta
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March 30, 2011 9:42 PM
WCorvi #44
I had to laugh. But it's sad, really; so many people living in such dread.
PZ; Thank you! You never cease to amaze.
My father had his last words all ready. He quoted Scripture; "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness ..." II Timothy 4:7,8, KJV. He could barely speak by then, and he struggled to get it out, one faint word at a time. The pastor used that text for his funeral service. I am sure that is what Dad intended.
The rest of the family thought it was wonderful.
Posted by: Malkyrian
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March 30, 2011 9:55 PM
Long time lurker here, delurking to compliment PZ on one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you so much for being so open about what happened that day, and for everything you have done. The world would be so much poorer for your loss.
...Also, when I signed in to post this, the banner I saw was the one with the crocoduck. How very fitting.
Posted by: wanderinweeta
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March 30, 2011 10:02 PM
Brownian #90
Dead on! Now replacing the long-winded text of my weekly rant, after reading the latest sign of the church next door. My man will be greatly relieved.
Posted by: Sintesi
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March 30, 2011 10:03 PM
One of your better posts PZ.
Get that book of yours done please.
Posted by: paulmurray
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March 30, 2011 10:23 PM
Again and again they get it wrong: framing everything in terms of property. Your life, your soul, is not this thing that you kind of have. You are yourself.
Posted by: chigau (◦_◦)
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March 30, 2011 10:46 PM
"your" is also used for kinship.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawkc5SauY6cG2fW3IYyUUd5mBvakJlNY0_s
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March 30, 2011 10:53 PM
Brilliant.
Posted by: UberAlles
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March 31, 2011 12:26 AM
Now those are the words of a sane man.
Posted by: fuckin' kristinc
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March 31, 2011 12:27 AM
I recently saw a live show by Mike Phirman, in which he pointed out that we might disagree on whether our water glasses were half full or half empty, but no one would disagree that a pineapple halfway in your ass would be halfway IN your ass.
Let us know for sure when you get there, k Ray?
Posted by: jake.hamby
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March 31, 2011 2:21 AM
Thank you all for telling such moving stories. I have to share this anecdote I read in a 19th century autobiography titled Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl Written by Herself by Harriet Ann Jacobs. Needless to say, it's a true story, and very well written.
This is from Chapter 9, Sketches of Neighboring Slaveholders, describing a particularly cruel slaveholder and his brother.
Best. Last. Words. Ever.
Posted by: Marcie Dietrich
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March 31, 2011 2:24 AM
Beautiful.
Posted by: j-brisby
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March 31, 2011 3:57 AM
Logorrhea and melodrama aren't terminal. PZ should know that better than anyone!
Sorry, but someone had to say it ;)
Posted by: mepat1111
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March 31, 2011 4:24 AM
PZ I would like to thank you, your story about your near death experience has just finally allowed me to be comfortable with the idea of death.
In all the books I've read by Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, Dan Dennet and others about evolution and godlessness, along with my own personal experience, I've always felt a deep uneasiness about the idea of death as an atheist. I've WISHED that Christianity was true and that I believed in it, I've hoped that what I know to be true was not, because the idea of death scared me so much.
Your story, as I said before, has finally made me comfortable with the idea of death. I'm crying as I write this, not really tears of joy, not tears of sadness either. I think the tears are caused by the lifting of possibly the greatest weight I've ever felt, off of my shoulders.
I thank you, from the bottom of my heart (pun intended).
Posted by: Zernk
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March 31, 2011 6:38 AM
Riveting. I'm sure it's the way my father felt when he died on 7/7/07, a month shy of 98. As I turned off his computer for the last time, it was on an atheist website (I'm sorry to say I didn't notice which one). It was the last thing he did as he "didn't feel so good" and plopped down on his bed. He told the nurse "Jessica, I'm dying", and that was it. A lifelong atheist, productive and generous, he always said death is like a candle going out. He went out with a smile.
Posted by: Stephen Wells
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March 31, 2011 7:46 AM
Anton Chekhov said "I'm dying. It's a long time since I drank champagne." And he drank his glass of champagne before he died! Now THAT is stylish.
A dear friend of ours died recently at a very great age after a fine life. She spent a few days in hospital and then, rejecting any heroic measures to prolong her life, she said "Enough now. Thank you."
Posted by: Thunderbird 5
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March 31, 2011 9:06 AM
Been a nurse for over 20 years and attended many dying: in big London hospitals and now-vanished cottage hospitals and in homes from tower blocks to McMansions to crumbling Dartmoor cottages. Many of the Londoners were Jewish. Most patients elderly, some in their 30s and 40s, a few gone before they'd really begun.
Apart from the frum and Hassidim, whose rites were always faithfully administered and followed, I noted a long time ago that never did I hear a prayer or be asked for prayers by my patient (although family would and did). And it is possible that any religious visits and/or rituals that the patient (or their kin) wanted were carried out when I wasn't there.
Yet in those hours when verbal communication is possible, they talk about family and friends and of good times and memories. They talk of love. I'll be asked to read out loud: old letters, passages from books, daft bits from the paper (or Private Eye!). I often get prompted to tell funny stories and anecdotes.
To attend the dying is an honour, the ritual of laying out poignant and moving. The only thing that upsets me is when a patient dies in hospital, I have to pack the belongings they brought in. That still gets me - if its going to happen then that's when I'll have a cry.
In my experience, God and them just aren't wanted at that time.
Posted by: JBlilie
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March 31, 2011 9:17 AM
Wow, thanks PZ for that piece -- one of the best. Thanks for telling the story.
As I see all the time in my work: In the end, the only thing that matters to people is their family. It's all they talk about as they face the end of life.
Posted by: Thunderbird 5
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March 31, 2011 9:29 AM
So anyway, I went and read Ray's gibber.
At the end of the entry he says
And all this never-ending deathbed bollocks is because Ray isn't satisfied we'll be persuaded to repentance and conversion.
Such a diligent little cockroach arencha Ray? But your words have moved me sufficiently that, on the occasion of your ascent to God's stadium-seat-behind-a-pillar, I promise to send one Virgil out in Thunderbird 2 for a bottle of vodka and we'll have party up here on the space station (but not as big as the one I've got planned for when Margaret Thatcher begins to decompose).
Posted by: paulnaveau
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March 31, 2011 12:27 PM
Thanks for sharing that. I'm glad you're still alive and kicking (irrationalism between the legs).
And thanks for this one:
"We live our lives for our life's sake, rather than for illusions about rewards and satisfaction after we're dead."
Makes me so happy i'm not a death-cultist.
Posted by: https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawlw4oH0l6k2YD0NCQUeu7nC2owgujUl77U
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March 31, 2011 12:57 PM
Thank you, PZ. I would expect you to go gracefully. It is my experience (raised Southern Baptist) that Fudamentalists worry far more about death than atheists do.
Contrast this to Ray Comfort - Oscar Wilde's last thoughts are unknown, but his last words were "Either that wallpaper goes, or I do."
Posted by: hockeybobs
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March 31, 2011 2:37 PM
Fixed that for you, and his boytoy, Kirk Cameron.
Posted by: wild_free
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March 31, 2011 10:04 PM
Thanks, PZ. This is beautiful.
Posted by: factorjl
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April 1, 2011 3:44 PM
It takes a lot of courage to bare one's nonexistent soul. Thanks for doing it for us, PZ.