The Quantum Pontiff

Fido Left Behind

Over at my old blog one thread which keeps on giving is my missive about Dr. Wayne Dyer which now has over 2000 comments. I can always tell when it’s PBS pledge drive time by the bump in traffic on my old website and the increase in comments on this post. Today I got a spam comment on the post. Now usually spam comments aren’t to exciting (bad Viagra joke deleted), but this one is…well…different.

(Note: Neither I, Scienceblogs, nor my mom endorse what’s described below but present the following for your own amusement):

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 19 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s natural life.

We currently cover the following states:
Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana … and growing.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment up to two (2) pets per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.

Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals.

Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help provide you with peace of mind.

Comments

  1. #1 Domenic Denicola
    July 1, 2009

    WOW! I really want to be a representative… man, talk about easy money.

  2. #2 BART
    July 1, 2009

    Uh..this is no scam. Suggesting that it is is both inflamatory, and possible grounds for litigation.
    I will accept your $10,000 as an apology, or a simple “Ooops…sorry” will do.

    Your choice.

    Please hold off on your requests for reps. we are overwhelmed and not accepting anymore requests for applications at this time.

    Thanks,
    bart

  3. #3 Dave Bacon
    July 1, 2009

    Sweet. I take the “Oooops….sorry” method. Thank you for your very reasonable terms. Because they are so reasonable I’ve even deleted the reference to the word which shall not be used.

    Thank you for your business!

  4. #4 David
    July 1, 2009

    I think BART owes you $100k for using your blogs for advertising.

  5. #5 Jon
    July 2, 2009

    when I was ASCIT president we got an unsolicited delivery of books that espoused a belief in the indigo soul ray of cosmic wisdom and understanding. one of the chapters was “personal and planetary suicide”

  6. #6 Andrew
    July 2, 2009

    Oh Bart, of course it is a scam. But a very nice one! Sign me up as a rep for shizzle. Shame it wouldn’t work in this country, we’ve got almost no one here that believes in the rapture rap … sigh. On the other hand, hardly any creationists either, so it’s not *all* bad!

  7. #7 Eric Lund
    July 2, 2009

    Uh..this is no scam.

    If you insist, but you must stipulate that my offer to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge for a mere $100,000 is also not a scam. ;)

    An interesting mix of locations there. Some of those states will generate more business than others.

  8. #8 bart
    July 2, 2009

    Eric,

    If I didn’t own the bridge it would be a scam.

    If you somehow perceive that offering Fundamentalist chritisans a servce for an event that I did not promote, invent, or pass off as real…a “scam”, then you do not understand the term scam.

    It would only be a scam if and when the rapture happened, my org. did not fulfill its obligation. I promise that won’t happen. I am an atheist, not an immoral scumbbag.

    The scam, if any, is on the part of the book of Revelations and book of Daniel. Complain to their authors about their brooklyn bridge tactic.

    DAVE:
    apology accepted, thanks.

    Bart

  9. #9 Dave Bacon
    July 2, 2009

    I wonder, bart, if you subject to regulation as an insurer? My naive thought would be that you would be. And I wonder what kind of capital requirements are needed. Estimating the probability of the rapture seems like a tricky problem, but get the wrong judge on the case, and ….

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