The Quantum Pontiff

Mmmvelopes. Tasty Tasty Mmmvelopes.

Too often in life I am sending out a check to some charitable organization, or to resubscribe to Bacon magazine, and I think “damn this would be a lot better with Bacon.” And now via the honest one, I find out that there is a solution to this vexing problem: Bacon flavored envelopes! From the “learn more” section of the webstie:

Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, that’s what.

Really, people? If we can’t overcome this kind of minor technical challenge, it’s only a matter of time until some super-advanced race of aliens with lasers, spaceships and a delicious federal mail system comes down and colonizes the world. And nobody wants that (except for the aliens, of course).

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.

That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isn’t it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.

Cool, but I beg to differ. My armpit smells like….Bacon!

Comments

  1. #1 Ian Durham
    November 20, 2009

    You’ve probably seen this, but here’s a Bacon wallet.

    > My armpit smells like….Bacon!

    I should hope so. It would be very strange if they smelled like Aaronson or Deutsch or something.

  2. #2 Dave Bacon
    November 20, 2009

    I am the proud owner of not one, but two, Bacon wallets!

  3. #3 Ian Durham
    November 20, 2009

    > I am the proud owner of not one, but two, Bacon wallets!

    I’m not surprised.

  4. #4 Jeff Watson
    November 20, 2009

    Good idea,and about time. I wonder how our Muslim friends would like that?

  5. #5 brian
    November 20, 2009
  6. #6 Fred Bacon
    November 21, 2009

    Hey, I’ve got you beat. My arm pit smells like fried bacon. Seriously, in grade school the other kids would swipe my books and add an “i” to my first name.

    I suspect that you are the same dabacon who keeps showing up in my “Members with Your Books” list at LibraryThing.