The Primate Diaries

I Got the Swine Flu Vaccine, Falling for Obama’s Socialist Plot

Posted by EMJ on November 12, 2009
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Here I am getting the H1N1 vaccine. With a four-month-old infant I am in the high-risk group that Health Canada recommends should receive an earlier dose as flu season kicks in. After all of the concern about debilitating side effects or even getting the virus from the vaccine (which would be impossible), I can report that I only experienced a brief feeling of light headedness and a mild headache.

However, the latter may have been produced by the headline I saw that business executives on Wall Street got access to the limited supply of the vaccine ahead of many health clinics.

According to the Wall Street Journal:

Goldman Sachs Group Inc., Morgan Stanley and Citigroup Inc. are among several large New York City employers that got doses of the H1N1 vaccine, which remains in short supply as the new flu virus continues to spread and manufacturers struggle to produce ample stocks of vaccine quickly.

But wait, according to FOXNews, the H1N1 vaccine is worse than swine flu itself? What’s going on here?


Why would Wall Street executives be getting the vaccine early when it’s clearly going to kill them? Then it hit me, the swine flu vaccine must be Obama’s secret plan to further poison the economy and I fell for it. After his first attempt to destroy capitalism actually ended up helping those very firms that caused the financial crisis in the first place, he’s now orchestrated a conspiracy with the Centers for Disease Control and the communists in ACORN to poison the bankers themselves.

Truth is, it’s not a bad idea.

(As a side note: the “infectious disease expert” is actually Dr. Kent Holtorf, a natural bioidentical hormone replacement specialist who focuses on “anti-aging.” He has no expertise with vaccines in any way. But he has written for the Huffington Post.)

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Comments

  1. #1 Monado
    November 12, 2009

    Why do you look so much bigger than the person giving the shot? That photo looks doctored.

  2. #2 Valdyr
    November 12, 2009

    That’s just the primary muscle-growth mutations setting in. Before long, the nanobots carried in the vaccine will be activated, transforming him into a mindless super-soldier for the forces of Marxist Islam With Kenyan Characteristics.

  3. #3 EMJ
    November 12, 2009

    I was wondering why my head touched the ceiling now. I grew out of all my clothes on the bus ride home. It was pretty embarrassing actually, I sympathize with the Hulk (though I notice how fortunate it is that he never busts out of his jeans even though his waist expands about eight sizes).

  4. #4 Anne Gilbert
    November 12, 2009

    Hey! Just bear in mind that the real name of Fox News is “Faux News” or “Fixed Noise”. Take your pick, because I’m not sure which one, and the fact that I don’t know is proof of this dark socialist plot. . . .
    Anne G

  5. #5 sjburnt
    November 13, 2009

    I was abooot to wonder aloud how you got access to the vaccine when I remembered you are from that fine northern country of Canada.

    I wonder if we will ever get access down here in the states.

    I have an elderly uncle who was one of the few that actually got Giunne-Barre (sorry – can’t remember how to spell it) back in the 70′s, so most of the relatives here are deathly afraid of getting vaccinated. I want to be the poster child for vaccination – plus, I am in a high-risk group, and I really do not want to get sick.

    Congratulations, and thanks for another good post – I really enjoy reading your column.

  6. #6 GKN
    November 14, 2009

    Where does FOX news say in video the H1N1 vaccine is worse than swine flu itself? Isnt it your liberal friends on huffpo promoting H1N1 vaccine as dangerous? Dr. Kent Holtorf is a moron. Why dont you call out the huffington post? Biased are we?

  7. #7 Andy Gates
    November 14, 2009

    #6, the reality-based community *regularly* call out HuffPo for spouting woo. Take a chill pill, don’t be so shrill.

  8. #8 Jessica
    November 14, 2009

    Noooo! Vaccination is our way to weed out the crazy…. dammit all that Goldman Sachs & company were able to snag some. They should just try prayer instead and save the vaccines for other people.

  9. #9 how
    November 14, 2009

    Why dont you call out the huffington post? Biased are we?

    Don’t read scienceblogs™ much, do we?

  10. #10 Dr. P
    November 14, 2009

    Where does FOX news say in video the H1N1 vaccine is worse than swine flu itself? Isnt it your liberal friends on huffpo promoting H1N1 vaccine as dangerous? Dr. Kent Holtorf is a moron. Why dont you call out the huffington post? Biased are we?

    Not from around here are you? Why do you assume liberal because Fox is called on their stupidity (as he has with Huff Po many times in the past)?

  11. #11 Gus Snarp
    November 14, 2009

    You know, I don’t give a rats patoot about Fox News political bias, but I sat watching that wondering if it was actually real. It is such fundamentally irresponsible “journalism” that it’s stunning.

  12. #12 Dan Nolan
    November 15, 2009

    Wait did that guy in the Fox video say there *was* a *PROVEN* link between Vaccines and Autism?

    Did the world just go crazy?

  13. #13 EMJ
    November 17, 2009

    Looks like I’m a bit late to my own party. Yes, GKN (#6) FOXNews is BOTH politically biased and sloppy. They are the Huffington Post of mainstream news. A rather large difference however is that they are the #1 rated “news” network on television. If I take on the wingnuts there instead of the moonbats at HuffPo it’s not for any political bias on my part, it’s because Fox promotes their idiocy even more widely.

    And my mentioning that Holtorf has written for HuffPo was something of an inside joke. We sciblings take them to task quite regularly.