(WASHINGTON, DC) On the heels of reports from Oslo that the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded jointly to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change and former US Vice President Al Gore, a White House spokesman issued a statement saying that "significant uncertainty" remained regarding the recipient of the prize.
"The President feels that at this time, it's too early to say for sure whether Al Gore has won the Peace prize," said White House spokesman Scott Stencil. "The science is just not conclusive yet. The President feels that more study is needed before we agree that this honor has been conferred to the former Vice President."
When reporters pointed out that the announcement had been posted on the official Nobel Prize web site, Stencil raised the possibility of malicious computer hackers. "We have solid intelligence that indicates that pedophile computer hackers affiliated with Al Qaeda were planning to attack the Nobel Prize site. We think this 'announcement' might be the work of Islamofascist tree-huggers, and encourage all American citizens to run back to bed and cower under the covers until we determine the truth." Stencil refused to identify the source of this intelligence, citing national security concerns.
The White House plans to call an international summit in early 2008, involving representatives of major oil-producing countries, to determine the real winner of the Nobel Prize. "We should be able to establish a clear consensus on the true winner of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize by no later than October of 2015," Stencil said. "We ask that people be patient."
The announcement was the latest in a series of decisions that critics say indicate that the President is becoming increasingly disconnected from reality. These include his refusal to acknowledge the retirement of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, an insistence that Will and Rebecca are still contestants on 'Beauty and the Geek,' and pretty much the entire Iraq war.
Vice President Cheney was in the shop having his transmission serviced, and could not be reached for comment.
Politics
Environment
Comments
# 1 | Dave Munger | October 12, 2007 8:45 AM
Maybe we ought to ask the Supreme Court whether he won....
# 2 | J-Dog | October 12, 2007 9:28 AM
This is fianlly going to get me to commit to working for the Re-Elect Al Gore Campaign.
# 3 | Kate Nepveu | October 12, 2007 9:38 AM
an insistence that Will and Rebecca are still contestants on 'Beauty and the Geek,'
Talk about your sneaky shout-outs!
# 4 | perry | October 12, 2007 9:38 AM
well cone Chad....
# 5 | Vityok | October 12, 2007 9:46 AM
It is a joke, isn't it?
# 6 | Will "scifantasy" Frank | October 12, 2007 10:17 AM
Yeah, that was sneaky. Thanks!
# 7 | Chad Orzel | October 12, 2007 10:38 AM
It is a joke, isn't it?
I was sort of hoping that would be obvious from the last two paragraphs. It is awfully hard to tell satire from reality with this White House, though.
# 8 | Doug Natelson | October 12, 2007 12:24 PM
Hee hee. Good one. Seriously, though, how long will it be before Fox News reports on how winning the Nobel Prize is actually a sign of weakness or lack of patriotism or communist sympathies? I guarantee that someone will point out that Arafat won one, and thus the whole thing is a sham.
# 9 | Moshe | October 12, 2007 1:04 PM
Brilliant! (I was searching for the link to The Onion...).
# 10 | Warren | October 12, 2007 1:26 PM
The last two grafs, if anything, only reinforce the impression that this is not satire.
# 11 | Proteus454 | October 12, 2007 2:39 PM
Comedy Gold, Sir!
# 12 | Coin | October 12, 2007 6:34 PM
Hee hee. Good one. Seriously, though, how long will it be before Fox News reports on how winning the Nobel Prize is actually a sign of weakness or lack of patriotism or communist sympathies? I guarantee that someone will point out that Arafat won one, and thus the whole thing is a sham.
Sir, you have proven prescient:
# 13 | Shnakepup | October 12, 2007 7:39 PM
It is a joke, isn't it?
I actually believed it for a second, myself...I put nothing past this White House.
Okay, who wants to place a bet one whether life will imitate art and we'll see the White House do a press release with the same sentiment as the satire above? ;)