Oh my God, best article ever:

Having sex in the weightlessness of outer space is the stuff of urban legends and romantic fantasy -- but experts say that there would be definite downsides as well.

Spacesickness, for instance. And the difficulty of choreographing intimacy. And the potential for sweat and other bodily fluids to, um, get in the way.

"The fantasy might be vastly superior to the reality," NASA physician Jim Logan said here Sunday at the Space Frontier Foundation's NewSpace 2006 conference. Nevertheless, Logan and others say the study of sex and other biological basics in outer space will be crucial to humanity's long-term push into the final frontier.

"Sex in space is not just a good idea, it's survival," said Vanna Bonta, a writer who blends romance with space travel and quantum physics in the novel "Flight."

Sex in the space environment has long been a source of rumor and speculation: Several years ago, one author claimed that NASA had conducted a study of sexual behavior during a space shuttle mission, sparking a quick round of denials. Today, NASA follows something of a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on the subject -- leading Logan to stress that he was not representing the space agency at Sunday's panel discussion.

...

However, off-Earth romantics will have to cope with some practical challenges:

-- Sex in space would likely be "hotter and wetter" than on Earth, Bonta said, because in zero-G there is no natural convection to carry away body heat. Also, scientists have found that people tend to perspire more in microgravity. The moisture associated with sexual congress could pool as floating droplets.
--The physics of zero-G make the mechanics of sex more complicated. Bonta said it was challenging even to kiss her husband during a zero-G simulation flight they took recently. "You actually have to struggle to connect and stay connected," she recalled. Partners would have to be anchored to the wall and/or to each other. To address that need, Bonta has come up with her own design for garments equipped with strategically placed Velcro strips and zippers.
-- Although zero-G could be a boon for saggy body parts, Bonta said males might notice a "slight decrease" in penis size due to the lower blood pressure that humans experience in microgravity.
-- Romantics will also need to guard against the type of motion sickness that space travelers often encounter, especially if they get too adventurous right off. "Save the acrobatics for post-play vs. foreplay," Bonta advised.

For all these reasons, Logan said spontaneous sex in space could be "a little underwhelming."

Some people might say that sex on Earth is a little underwhelming. Still, I think it is our patriotic duty and our scientific imperative to solve the space sex problem.

Where do I sign up? I will so be the sex-monkey they shoot into space.

Hat-tip: Seed Daily Zeitgeist.