My oh my oh my, parrots really are the cause of so much human suffering aren’t they? I couldn’t wait to post this until Friday Grey Matters, well, because Irene Pepperberg’s interview will be featured this week (a long time coming, but we finally had a little chat Sunday night). So stay tuned for that, good stuff from an exceptionally smart and kind person.
Anyway, back to parrot-induced bank robberies:
A Murfreesboro [Tennessee] man told authorities he robbed MidSouth Bank on East College Street Monday because he “lost his job, tried for another and didn’t get it, and his dog ate his parrot.”
Police said Thomas Michael Crews Jr., of 319 E. Burton St. entered the bank at 1:23 p.m. and demanded cash.
He gave the teller a note which stated: “I’d like to make a withdrawal of $2,000. Either pay now or be the first to die,” police said.
The teller gave Crews an undetermined amount of cash. He then ran out of the westside door of the bank and traveled north on Church Street, police said.
Murfreesboro Police Public Information Officer Alvin Baird said the dye pack went off as Crews crossed College Street, where the suspect dropped an undetermined amount of money. That money was recovered.
“No weapon was seen at any time, and no one was injured during the robbery,” Baird said.
Crews was captured after about a two-hour search, police said.
This story is disturbing on so many levels. First, the terrible end that the poor parrot met with at the hands of that incompetent owner. Who is also an incompetent bank robber. Hello? Who asks for only two grand if you’re taking the risk of prison? And, no weapon? Didn’t check for the dye pack? Ran away on foot? This guy didn’t deserve to own a parrot and he obviously couldn’t string together a few meaningful conscious thoughts.
Now, of course, I’m not saying there’s any *right* way to rob a bank (and thank the FSM no one was hurt). But if this guy could have figured out how to remove the safety and pull a trigger, well, I’d eat my hat. (Hat tip darkman)