I will not work your show for free!

I was browsing through some old notes when I found this - I think I wrote it in sheer exasperation after yet another email from a production company demanding I work for nothing because, gee whiz, everyone wants to be in TV, right?  I think this will reverberate with anyone who's freelanced for a living.  Apologies to Dr Seuss.

I will not work your show for free!
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I will not work your show for free!
I will not be your radio host
I will not write you a blog post
I will not pen a sharp riposte
I will not keep readers engrossed
I will not get your brand exposed.
I will not write a trial piece
I've ten years practice, here, read these!
Don't waste your breath on flattery
I will not work your show for free!

I will not work your show for free!
I will not be your special guest
I will not star in your screentest
I will not enter your contest
I will not come at your behest
Can't you tell I'm not impressed
That you won't pay what I request?
Try some other mug, I suggest.
If you can't muster up a fee
I will not work your show for free!

I will not work your show for free!
I will not speak at your event
On the nanotech environment
Or travel to your headquarters
And be one of your unpaid reporters
Do I look like your intern?
Do you know how much I earn?
Until I pay off this degree
I will not work your show for free!

I will not work your show for free!
You'll find I won't go here nor there
If you won't pay my travel fare
Not online or on the air
I will not appear anywhere!
It's not that hard, it's simple, see?
I will not work your show for free!!!

Please don't spin me tales of woe
About the fact you've got no dough
Are you working unpaid sir? No!
Well I'm not working pro-bono
Or for promised quid-pro-quo
Or volunteering on your show
As if I needed the promo
I think your business model blows!
There's just one guy I'll work for, free
Do you know who that is?

. . . It's me.