Notes for new readers: Mommy Monday is a regular feature on this blog, and Fish is my husband. This week I am responding to a request from amy, sara, and jenn to explain how I “find time for Fish on top of being a scientist and a mommy”
The short answer is “I don’t do it very well.” It’s probably the biggest thing I’m letting slide right now (other than sleep).
But Fish swears that I do make time for him (he’s really very sweet). So what do we do?
We’ve always gone grocery shopping together, making a list and looking at recipes beforehand, cutting out coupons, and then just going for impulse purchases anyway when we get to the store. Now we bring Minnow along put her in her pack and she watches us shop.
That’s not the sort of quality time you meant, huh?
Well, we are trying to have a ‘date night’ once a week on Saturday nights. The theory is that one night a week we put aside our stress and we ignore the messy house and unpaid bills and we just enjoy some time together. A few weeks ago, on our anniversary, we actually hired a babysitter and went out to dinner, but usually we stay home. And, often, we are so tired by the time Minnow goes to sleep that we just curl up on the couch and watch a TV movie. When the movie ends at about 10 pm, Fish wants more “date” and I want to go to bed because I am exhausted. Some quality time.
On a more positive note, I think one of the nicest times of each day is the time between when I get home from work and Minnow goes to bed. During that time we all sit on the living room floor and play until Minnow’s bathtime. Then Fish and I both help with the bath and getting a very squirmy Minnow into her jammies.While we’re doing the playing and bathing, Fish and I talk about our days. It ends up being a great time to catch up and de-stress.
Umm, that’s about it. I know that Fish deserves more attention from me, but most of the time, I just don’t seem to have the energy for him. It’s hard enough not to snap at him (which I do too much of anyway), much less actually make an effort to spend pleasant non-chore, non-baby time together.
I guess I hope that when Minnow eventually sleeps through the night, I’ll have more energy for being a wife. But I’m afraid that the extra energy will get sucked into work instead. Amy, Sarah, and Jenn, you asked a good question, and I wish I could say I have a good answer. But I don’t.