Random Bullets of Bodily Functions

Warning: Do not read on if descriptions of women’s natural bodily functions makes you queasy.

  • Last night as I was changing a diaper, I was suddenly debilitated by intense abdominal pain the likes of which I hadn’t experienced since, oh, say, labor. The pain was sharp enough that I barely managed to get Minnow dinner and to bed, and I did beg Fish to come home from work early in case it progressed to vomitting. (I ate a place with "local color" for lunch.)
  • Eventually the pain eased, and the cause revealed itself.
  • My period returned overnight.
  • Mind you, I shouldn’t complain because it’s been almost 21 months since my last one. (Breast-feeding can suppress ovulation.)
  • And the 21 month deficit explains my inability to diagnose the cramps.
  • But it also seems like a cruel, sick joke because:
  • Yesterday was the first day in the past 11 months that I have not pumped at least three times and/or been available for full-time nursing. I was in the field with a colleague, and I only managed one quick hand-pump in a diry gas station bathroom.
  • You would think that the engorgement from lack of pumping was punishment enough for a fun day in the field, but apparently not.
  • On a happier note: I had a dentist appointment this morning (the teeth look good), and at the end they took my pulse and blood pressure. My pulse was 59, low enough that the hygeniest asked if I was a runner. I’m certainly not, but I’ll interpret the low pulse as a sign that when I am forced to do nothing for an hour, I can calm down and relax. Maybe I even get more relaxed than other people.
  • Minnow has decided that I am a necessary pillow for her continued sleeping past 6 am. She insists on lying either with her head or her entire body on my stomach/chest, giving literal meaning to the term "body pillow." Any attempt to disengage her, much less substitute a sleepy Fish, has been met by full-on screaming.
  • I’m guessing this is a combination of adjusting to a new schedule and separation anxiety and will eventually sort itself out.
  • But it’s not helping my productivity or stress levels in the meantime.
  • (And this is why I need a pseudonym. While I am happy to share my bodily functions with random strangers on the internets, I just don’t think it’s any of my students damn business.)


  1. #1 ScienceMama
    January 9, 2008

    Boo! My little “honeymoon” ended last month.

    So when is Minnow’s birthday? Any plans for it?

  2. #2 soil mama
    January 9, 2008

    my Aunt Flo returned after just 9 months, and has been regular ever since (4 times now). It is still hard when I’m tired, crabby and making less milk, then I remember… oh yeah, it’s about that time!

    babe won’t sleep in the bed if I am not there… she’ll wake up screaming from a deep sleep if I get up to pee in the middle of the night… but I have to tell you, 6 am seems like sleeping in compared to our babe’s current habit of waking at 4… uggg!

  3. #3 ScienceWoman
    January 9, 2008

    Soil mama: You always make me feel better. But I bet your babe isn’t still waking up every 90 minutes, like mine is. And I hope that makes you feel better.

  4. #4 Gwenny
    January 9, 2008

    Thank you, sisters, for making menopause seem suddenly less horrible. :hugs: And congrats on being mothers!

  5. #5 hypoglycemiagirl
    January 9, 2008

    Happened to me too today in fact. No cramps though. I’ve had a hormonal implant for six years (guaranteed to work for five years, so it seems I’ve got one year for free 🙂 and pregnancy before that. So this was the first time in 7+ years. Good to know I still work in case I’d get the chance to produce another one.

  6. #6 LM
    January 9, 2008

    21 months! I just had mine at 7 WEEKS post-partum! I’m breastfeeding, too. I wonder if it’s because I started on birth control – the mini-pill. I started menstruating a couple of days after taking it, and it was a pretty normal period. Maybe I’m just super fertile and my body wants to make more babies? 😛

  7. #7 Jane
    January 9, 2008

    Wow. Still haven’t gotten mine back, and frankly, I’m not missing it. 🙂

    Of course, now I’ve probably jinxed myself.

  8. #8 pelf
    January 10, 2008

    OK, THAT is something nobody ever told me before. I mean, one’s period doesn’t return immediately after child-birth?! COOL!

  9. #9 Field Notes
    January 10, 2008

    I wouldn’t want my students to know about my bodily functions either, but since I lecture them about sex, ovulation, and genitalia – they wouldn’t necessarily be shocked at my level of ‘openness.’ I draw the line at telling them when I get Fred (my word for Aunt Flow)

  10. #10 Lisa
    January 10, 2008

    My little guy was waking up every hour or two last night, but he doesn’t do it every time–he started eating rice cereal yesterday, so maybe as he eats more he’ll sleep longer . . . but that doesn’t seem to have worked for you 🙁
    I thought after a year they only nursed once or twice a day–I guess it just depends on the baby? I’m hoping not to have to pump during the day a year from now!

  11. #11 Writer Chica
    January 11, 2008

    wow! your period stayed away lots longer than mine. I only got about 6 months period-free after each baby.

  12. #12 soil mama
    January 12, 2008

    yikes, Minnow is waking every 90 min! sheesh, sometimes I wonder if there is a “problem” or if it is a habit (maybe resulting from when there was a “problem”??)… it’s hard to not try to find some food reaction reason behind every undesirable behavior.

    as much as DH and I HATE waking up early, we are still not going to let her CIO in the crib, but I’ve seriously wonder what other co-sleepers do with babes like ours.

    oh, and congrats on the walking! it is amazing to think of our little ones squirming around together less than a year ago and now they’re little people.

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